did not sleep at all, but rather laid in bed agonizing and cycling over terrible things in my head, feeling my heart start to beat faster and faster with anxiety until i felt like i was running a marathon while lying perfectly still. cried, got up after all this at 8:30 to get ready to go to the dentist, cut myself because i'm too tired for fine motor skills. mom drops me off at the dentist, ascend to the second floor with another lady to find that the office is locked and closed because they moved, yet somehow didn't inform patients that they moved. having no way of contacting my mom (upon reflection, i could've gone to another business in the building to use a phone, but i was exhausted and panicked and ditzy), very kind lady introduces herself and offers me a ride to the new location since we're going to the same place. i think, if i can't trust the older women of the world, i can't trust anyone, and it's only five minutes away, so okay, i don't want to seem ungrateful and turn down a ride, we laugh about how nuts it is that patients didn't get this information. dentist is fine except my pulse ox is too low (BP was normal, oddly enough). i call mom from the front desk to inform her i am not where she expects me to be (to much confusion), and explain when she arrives. get back home and find the car that was worked on for two days last week is rattling and the engine seems frighteningly hot and it smells very bad and there's almost no oil because it is leaking, so now we don't know if it's safe to drive, except mom has a very important cancer screening tomorrow that she's been waiting for for two months (really longer than that because it's something she needed to do much sooner, but everything was in crisis last year, so she didn't), and we don't know if it will risk burning up the engine. i want to be put into a cursed repose for twenty years (/ever /permanent)