(1/4)hello, i uh. i guess im just looking for some supportive words... ive been IDing as genderless for a while. when i originally learned of non binary genders, i didnt quite understand it. if there are so many genders, and people get hurt and mistreated over what they identify, and gender is entirely a personal perception of yourself, and is a social construct, why do we even have it? i spent a lot of time trying to figure out what i was too, because i realized that if all these other options-

(2/4) exist, its silly not to explore them and see where i fit in this new gender system. thinking about gender confused, frustrated, and scared me. i tried to feel my gender but i just... couldnt. i felt maybe vaguely boy, but i kept telling myself that was just me being a “tomboy”. how would i know what it means to feel like a boy? gender isnt even real! i also remember telling my friend that i felt we shouldnt even have gender. its not even a tangible thing, and it just gets people hurt. she told me “maybe the reason you cant figure out your gender and the reason gender seems so pointless to you is because you dont have one?” and it felt like everything made sense. i had a new respect for all the other genders out there. they didnt make sense to me because i didnt have a gender! i cant percieve gender, but they can! to them, they can feel exactly what it is to be a man, a woman, both, etc. everything felt right for a while. but recently i feel as though im starting to feel gender....? mostly boy, but with a little bit of girl too? yet i also still want to reject gender entirely and remain genderless. i even toyed with being trigender (boy, girl, and agender) but that label sort of scared me because its such a complex gender and clearly, for whatever reason, gender is a scary and mysterious thing for me. everytime i find myself questioning my gender it gives me mad anxiety. i hate not knowing what i am. do you have any words of encouragement for me...?

First of all, gender is scary and confusing, and you’re not alone in having anxiety over gender and questioning. Secondly, you don’t have to understand gender in order to have it. Your fear of gender doesn’t disqualify you from being trigender, if that’s you.

Questioning is nerve-wracking for most people, and for some it does give severe anxiety. That’s okay. I would take some deep breaths and focus on what you do know. You know lots of other things about yourself that aren’t related to gender. You know that everyone has a different experience of gender. You know that you’re starting to feel boy and a little bit of girl.

If you think you are feeling just boy and girl, that’s it, you can use bigender or androgyne. If you think there’s something else too, you can use the label ambonec - male, female, and neither. Either way, there is at least one word you can use for yourself.

If neither of those is satisfactory, you might find one of these terms useful:

Genderanxious: A gender that is undefined because the act of finding a label, or of having a gender, is a trigger for anxiety.

Kynigender: A gender which is not able to be pinpointed due to the stress of the questioning process causing anxiety

Nesciogender or Nesciōgender: A gender one is not completely sure of due to one’s neurotype disallowing a clear understanding of the concept, but has a vague sense of what it could be; i.e. nescioboy, nescioagender, etc.Latin nesciō "I do not know"

Nōlōgender: A term for neurodivergent people who have difficulty grasping the concept of gender. Distinct from nesciōgender in that the individual has no particular desire to investigate their gender, as doing so is overly difficult due to their inability to understand the concept of gender.From latin nōlō, ((i) do not want).

Genderdisturbed: Having a gender that you cannot or do not want to define due to anxiety, repulsion, disturbance, etc..

Gendertrapped: A feeling that one has been forced to identify with a gender that one does not want or relate to.

Peroagender: Wanting to be agender, but not identifying as agender (derived from perogender).

Quoigender: Similar to quoi- as an orientation, this term describes someone who feels that the concept of having a gender does not apply or does not make sense for them, or who rejects the concept of gender entirely as it applies to them.

I may have gone slightly overboard on the terms, but the point is there are lots of words for how you feel, and people made those words, so you’re not alone in having these feelings.

Hope this helps!

Kai

Various gender terms with no known flags (part 26)

Modogender: A gender identity that is constantly changing; can be understood as somewhat of an intersection of genderfluid and genderflux identities in that the changes may encompass both identity and perceived “strength” of one’s gender (i.e., one moment I might be Very Much a Girl, the next I might be somewhat agender, etc.).

Musegender: A gender coined with artists/writers/roleplayers/actors etc in mind. A fluid gender influenced by the gender(s) of the characters you are drawing/writing/roleplaying/etc.

Namegender or (Name)gender: A gender that is best described by one’s name, good for those who aren't sure what they identify as yet but definitely know that they aren't cis [cisgender]. it can be used as a catch-all term or a specific identifier, e.g. johngender, janegender, (your name here)gender, etc. See also: Skelogender, Egoisgender, Narkissigender, Autogender.

Negagender: An umbrella term for demigenders, genders which are part one thing and part something else (hemigender, subgender, magigender, etc.)

Nōlōgender: A term for neurodivergent people who have difficulty grasping the concept of gender. Distinct from nesciōgender in that the individual has no particular desire to investigate their gender, as doing so is overly difficult due to their inability to understand the concept of gender. From latin nōlō, ((i) do not want).

[Full list of terms are in the google docs if you don’t want to wait for the next posts]

[Link for A-K] and [Link for L-Z] and [Link for text only]

If any of you know if there’s flags for any of these already, please send a link to it so we can add it to the gallery! And if you know who coined it so we can properly credit them (and that includes if it was anonymously posted or the blog deactivated).

tagged (technically via blanket permission) by my love @pingo1387 hell ye I love tag games

Name: well, online it’s Caff but no one irl calls me that

(unlock friendship level 2 for Real Name Privileges, if u have more than three conversations w me ur already at lvl 1 so its not hard honestly)

(Also if u come up w ur own nickname for me I not only love u but will respond to it earnestly every time. Pingo’s occasional one for me I am currently using as my twitter name)

Gender: Agender/Nologender

Star Sign: Taurus

Height: 5’2”

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Sexuality: confusing

(Asexual Lesbian with vague Bi tendencies but only in very specific cases so basically who knows? not me)

Currently I’ve been saying I’m gay for whoever it is I’m talking about regardless of their gender because as a genderless person no matter who I like its still queer af. but also most cis men terrify me and I think the lesbian flag is pretty, plus its easier to explain/get out of boy-talk w my family if I, a very femme appearing person with mostly female-leaning attraction and a girlfriend, just say lesbian

Favorite Animal: all of them! today’s is perhaps lop-eared bunnies

Average Sleep Time: The median between my depression sleep (ex- all day and half the next) and my Insomnia Time (ex- no sleep for a week) is like maybe 2-5 hrs depending. I’m always tired tho anyway

Current Time: 3:43pm

Dogs or Cats: I (well, my family and I) have 4 dogs, but my personal opinion is Both. All the animals. EVERY FUCKING ANIMAL

# of Blankets I Sleep With: currently its hot af in my room but I need the weight so I’m compromising by not wearing pants under a top sheet and thin quilt, but including my two baby blankets that I always sleep with, it’d be 4 rn

When I made my blog: in high school, so like.... 2011? 2012? I can’t remember if it was freshman or sophomore year but I graduated in 2014 so somewhere around there. god that’s like literally almost ten years ago. what the fuck. what the FUck!! my brain still thinks I’m 16 no Bitch ur 24 time is moving even if ur not u fuck

also fuck I’ve been on The Hellsite a long ass time with almost nothing to show for it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ this place is like a goddamn black hole

Followers: 418

and yet the only one who really talks to me on here is my girlfriend

(I see the reblogs I know ur all here, please say things to me)

why I made my blog: to look at fanart of Roronoa Zoro and stalk a couple fanfic writers

reason for my url: I’m a caffeine addict that likes lemurs a lot

I hate when ppl do this but as a lazy hypocrite I’m gonna say if u read this and wanna do it say I tagged u bc if I tag everyone I want to it’ll be over half my follow list and that’s too time consuming and annoying

Literally even if u don’t know me u can fucking say I tagged u and then also were friends now ha take that

As someone who texted their gf to ask if I was included in the anyone, I understand the impulse to assume it means everyone but u but I’m dead serious I mean you

(All from Pokemon) Serena is a Gendermeh person who is Finsensual Aromantic Asexual; Calem is a Nonpuerella person who is Minsensual Arospike Asexual; Shauna is a Fegender person who is polyamorous Multi-Metaromantic Asexual; Trevor is a Nologender person who is Grayromantic Asexual; Tierno is a Crystagender Cadoboy who is polyamorous Multi-Amicus-Metaromantic Asexual. Shauna, Trevor, and Tierno are all autistic; Shauna and Tierno are self-dx, and Trevor also has PTSD and GAD.

stuff from nonbinary.org

epicene. Having a lack of gender distinction. enby. Created in 2013 by a non-binary person named vector (revolutionator).[16] Based on an initialism of "non-binary," "NB". A proper noun for a person with a non-binary gender identity. This is the nonbinary gender equivalent of the proper nouns "boy" or "girl." Plural: enbies. enbyfriend. Coined by Tumblr user Pansycub in 2013, based on the word "enby," which see. A nonbinary gender romantic partner. The nonbinary gender equivalent of a boyfriend or girlfriend. genderfuck. A gender expression that intentionally mixes feminine gender markers with masculine QUILTBAG. An alternative name for the LGBT+ community, standing for "queer, undecided, intersex, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, asexual, gay." tucute. In the 2010s, transgender people reacting to the truscum movement decided to call themselves "tucutes". Tucutes are opposed to dividing the transgender community into "true" and "fake" trans people. Whereas genderfluidity is a shift between different genders, genderflux is more like varying intensity." A gender identity that often changes in intensity, so that a person may feel one day as though they have almost no gender, or none at all, and another day they feel very gendered. ko abimegender. A gender which is profound, deep, and infinite.[1] This is a kind of xenogender, meaning that it's defined without relation to female or male, but instead to other concepts ko apagender. Coined in 2014 by anonymous. "Someone who is apathetic towards their gender identity and doesn’t care enough to look further into it."[18] Keywords: apathy. Compare cassgender, commogender, gendermeh, genderwhat, nologender, personagender. commogender. "Definitely knowing you aren’t cis, but you’re too exhausted to think about gender so you just settle for boy or girl, e.g. commoboy and commogirl. coined by: definition coined by anonymous user, term coined by transmomoi." cryptogender, gendercryptic. Coined by puurpel in 2014. "A gender one can’t discern, describe or define in human words. a gender one is puzzled by and can’t put a finger on, as it feels like it is and it isn’t there without following any particular pattern, sometimes even at the same time. the impenetrability, ambiguity and uncertainty that surround this gender are vaguely reminiscing of cryptids, ghouls and the paranormal."[62] Keywords: confusion, questioning demiflux. A gender identity for "someone whose gender is partially fluid with the other part(s) being static; this differs from 'demifluid' as '-flux' indicates that one of the genders is neutral; an example could be: one part of their gender is 'genderqueer' while the part that fluctuates is 'agender' and 'woman'."[71] "A term for polygender/bigender individuals to describe when one of their genders is “static” and the other ranges in intensity and presence. coined by: aflutteringlaney" [72]Keywords: religion, spirituality, deity effreu. From French effrayant "scary" + neutre "neutral," coined by angeligender in 2014. A scary non-binary gender. "It is a [non-binary] gender, may be paired with agender and other genders." Counterparts: effrille, effron.[80] Keywords: emotion effrille. From French effrayant "scary" + fille "girl," coined by angeligender in 2014. "Scary girl. it is a [non-binary] girl gender, may be paired with agender and other genders." Counterparts: effron, effreu entrogender. From "entropy." Coined by gyey in 2014. "A gender that is slowly but constantly wearing away. Can also be used like “demi,” e.g. an entrogirl might be someone who identifies as female while that femaleness is gradually deteriorating." gendercluster. coined by: aetherkinbirb "a gender that is a cluster of multiple sub genders which may overlap sometimes" [104]. gender-blank. Having no gender.[105][106]. Syn. agender. genderblur. gendermeh. Coined by branacle in 2014 as "where youre kinda cool w being called any gender, like whatever. you might not be that gender, you might not know your gender, but meh." genderwhat. 1. Coined by daedric-cisphobe in 2014. "A gender characterized by both confusion and apathy with regards to either a fluid or stable gender identity."[118] 2. Being unable to understand the concept of gender or of having a gender due to neurodivergence heliogender. Coined by n64kin, from helio "sun." "Similar to agender; a strong sensation of warmth and genderlessness. [...] an intense and burning sensation of gender (or lack thereof)."[125] Keywords: temperature, genderless, synaesthesia (name)gender. Coined by anonymous. "A gender that is best described by one’s name, good for those who aren’t sure what they identify as yet but definitely know that they aren’t cis [cisgender]. it can be used as a catch-all term or a specific identifier, e.g. johngender, janegender, (your name here)gender, etc."[150] Keywords: unique personagender. Coined by: definition by anonymous user, term coined by twerkingobserver. "where you refer to yourself as a girl or a boy for the sake of convenience or because your gender is too confusing but don’t really identify as that; e.g. personagirl or personaboy xenogender. Coined by Baaphomett in 2014. "A gender that cannot be contained by human understandings of gender; more concerned with crafting other methods of gender categorization and hierarchy such as those relating to animals, plants, or other creatures/things."[174] An umbrella term for many nonbinary gender identities defined in reference to very different ideas than female or male. May be synonymous with noungender

For the random pride asks: 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 26, 27, 28

6) What do you wish you could tell your past self?

A lot of things, tho none of them very gay, it wouldn’t have mattered then. Mostly about mental illness,, maybe I’d not have had a breakdown in uni if id been diagnosed earlier

7) Have you changed labels since realizing you were LGBT?

Oh yeah, since at least part of my identity is on the asexual spectrum AND i’m autistic w no real concept of gender, i can’t easily describe my feelings, let alone label them coherently. 

I went from ‘im supposed to like boys its the law’ (im autistic when i was little i thought a lot of things society liked to imply were ‘normal’ were rules or laws and i didn’t have a choice; i should tell u the story of discovering lesbianism existed sometime) to ‘maybe Bi?’ to ‘asexual’ back to ‘maybe Bi’ then to ‘panromantic ace’ to Now with ‘lesbian ace’ (which i like calling ‘bambi lesbian’) 

gender-wise any variation of “i don’t understand- it does not compute” on the non-binary spectrum (agender, apogender, etc) till rn when i found ‘Nologender’

8) How was your day?

Ok i suppose. i got to have a big Dr Pepper w strawberries from Sonic (my signature drink) and then I got to video share game grumps w my girlfriend so those were probably the highlights

9) Do you have any gay friends irl?

I don’t have many friends irl at all honestly,, and i’m not sure where I fall in other ppls idea of friends anyway so while i might call them my friend it might not be reciprocated, but I can knowingly say at least one definitely, but thats like out of Three People that still communicate w me in any way (and none of them live here anymore either so honestly it’s back to zero bc i dont have anyone i see irl at all *shrug*)

12) Which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise?

I love the Ace flag, black and purple are in my top 5 favorite colors! and the Agender and Aromantic flags have my other fave, green! 

I like the New lesbian flag bc less pink, more orange (another fave color). (tho still why so much pink?? im proud of my gay but not enough for all that pink)

13) Do you wish you could change any pride flags?

how to fix pride flags, by Caff: more fun neon colors, wayyy less pink

i’dve said lesbian but thats gotten a bit better recently (still why pink i dont like that color damn it i dont wear pink shit im sorry)

26) Tell me a random fact about yourself!

i really like learning languages! currently i am learning/have learned somewhere around 13? 14? and im nowhere near done, not only are other languages and cultures extremely interesting, but you can connect with people in a more wholesome way by using their native language instead of making english some sort of default

though i can admit at least 2 of those counted are fictional languages and therefore not much use irl XD

27) Do you own any pride flags/merch?

i have one shirt that says ‘im an asexual dragon’ and that’s it

mom thinks if i was any more loudly gay my already rocky relationship with my emotionally abusive stepfather would escalate (i dont disagree but its not like im in the bloody closet either)

but goddamn do i want a big lesbian flag on the wall of my room. its there in spirit anyway

28) Have you ever been to a pride parade?

i live in a small town in southwest virginia, we dont have those here that i know of. and even if we did i probably wouldnt go im still afraid of being assaulted by local yeehaws,, we’re fairly close to where Bad Things Nazi Bullshit happened like last year and like. a widely publicized school shooting so im not gonna make myself a target,,

plus i cant drive or travel alone so its not like i could go to one anywhere else

 i mostly stay inside my house anyway, id get overstimulated and anxious at that sort of thing regardless