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simonrileysprettywife · 2 years

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Lost and Found | Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Summary: Nova recently moved into an apartment in Austin, Texas where she hoped she could shed her past life and raise her baby away from everything that made her leave her old home.

Warnings: Fem!Reader with name, no use of Y/N, fluff, a lot of fluff, mentions of abuse, slight mention of scars, (reader is a pretty crybaby so) comfort, daddy issues?, tiredness, friends to lovers type of thing, angst, Daniel being a total sweetheart (it's a warning cause you'll die from cuteness), he ends up being a total girl dad, (Daniel falls in love in a matter of hours I think, don't kill me) Love at first sight ig?

Note: This is to help my baby fever, hope you enjoy it, like and reblog please.

Note 2: Would you guys like to read more of their story? let me know please

Word count: 4.5k (I may have gotten a little carried on)

It was Daniel's first vacation weekend since the summer break had started, he decided to come to Austin to relax, the atmosphere of the Texans made him feel at home but it was clear that waking up at 7 in the morning on a Saturday was not within his plans, he wasn't expecting visitors, that was obvious, however a soft knock on the door woke him up, he got out of bed with a groan, taking off the sheets was obviously not something easy for him.

He was putting on a pair of shorts and sneakers to at least look decent when he opened the door when there was another knock "I'm coming!" He spoke in a soft voice running his hands through his hair one last time before opening the door, he could have imagined thousands of things he could find on the other side of the door, fans excited to take photos and receive autographs, some crazy groupie looking for a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek, but he would never have thought about what he was seeing right now, big honey-colored eyes were looking at him from the ground crystallized with tears and expectantly, a baby of at least a year and a half thought, in her little hands she carried a strawberry-shaped teether, she wore a cute white dress with yellow flowers, and had bright red hair with cute little buns on each side of her head.

"Hey.." Daniel crouched down to be at her height extending his hand gently "Good morning" the little girl spoke this time surprising Daniel, she released the handle of her teether to put her little hand on Daniel's hand, "Good morning , What are you doing here?" The boy closed his hand, trapping the girl's hand inside it "I'm lost" The little girl's eyes watered again and that made Daniel's heart shrink "You’re lost? Where is mama?" Daniel looked both ways down the aisle looking for the little girl's mother but he couldn't see her anywhere so he returned his gaze to the baby in front of him, the girl shrugged her shoulders several times while pouting threatening to break into crying at any time, "It's okay, sweety, it’s okay" Daniel rubbed her back with his free hand before getting up "Come, let's go find mama, okay?" The girl nodded her head several times before raising her little hands silently asking the boy to pick her up in his arms and who was he to refuse? He reached down again and the girl wrapped her arms around his neck. He "seated" her on his forearm, she rested her cheek on his shoulder looking out and when he was sure she was comfortable he started walking in search of her apartment.

He had barely passed three apartments to the right after his looking for the girl's, behind the (half-open) door of the fourth apartment in which they were looking they could hear the voices of the Backyardigans coming from the television. Hearing this the girl turned her head in the direction of the door and reached out her hand to open it, Daniel took a few steps into the apartment looking around, "Hey, uhmm... I have your baby!" Daniel yelled as he entered the apartment to avoid scaring whoever was inside.

There were toys all over the floor, the place smelled like clean clothes so Daniel assumed it was laundry day, a thought he checked when a girl of about 25 years old, maybe 5'7, bright orange hair like the baby's, white as a sheet of paper and beautiful honey-colored eyes, ran out of the laundry room. She wore a dress just like the girl's, it was clearly her mother, an expression of terror and confusion took place on her face, her eyes traveled between the boy and the girl in his arms who smiled as soon as she saw her, she quickly approached when the baby extended her arms for her to carry her, "Where were you huh?" She spoke to the baby once she had her in her arms, "Your apartment was open, I guess she got lost coming back from her little adventure and she was knocking on my door, I live in the fourth apartment on the left."

Daniel gave a soft smile to the girl who looked at him again while rocking the baby in her arms, "I'm so sorry, she's a little escapist, I didn't even realize when she opened the door" The baby blurted out a giggle at her mother's words, that warmed Daniel's heart so his smile became much bigger, "She's very polite, she said good morning when I opened the door for her" The girl smiled broadly upon hearing that, "You did? huh? you did that?" She spoke with a higher voice to the baby tickling her stomach, "She likes you then, she hardly talks to anyone and much less does she let herself be carried by someone who’s not me, did she tell you her name?" Daniel laughed softly before shaking his head taking the handle on the teether the baby was offering him, "I'm afraid I didn't ask her, maybe I'm not as polite as she is but I was worried she was too far from home." The boy gently shook the little girl's hand through the handle that connected them making her laugh again, her mom opened her mouth in surprise before smiling "He brought you home and you didn't tell him?, you little rascal, tell him what your name is, he deserves to know after you woke him up" She pinched her nose between her knuckles shaking her head gently, Daniel would be lying if he said that the girl's interactions with the baby weren't killing him with cuteness.

His cheeks ached from how much he was smiling, and honestly after everything that was happening at McLaren smiling this way was such a relief for him and just when he thought the girl couldn't be cuter he heard her babble her name between giggles, "Julie, your name is Julie" her mom pinched her ribs a few more times before looking at the boy in front of her, "She's a baby from July, hence her name" she followed her words with movements of her free hand taking her time to analyze the boy, "And I guess her mother has a cute name too, doesn't she?" The girl's eyes widened as a slight blush took over her cheeks, the words seemed to be stuck in her throat, "M-my name is Nova, Nova Asterin which means "New Star" my mom wanted something cute and my dad something related to space so that was the result" The burning of her cheeks intensified a little more when the boy repeated her name several times in a whisper smiling later, "I... I don't know your name, I can't thank a stranger for bringing my rocket home" Nova laughed softly before pulling her lower lip with her tongue trapping it between her teeth, "I should have introduced myself earlier, my name is Daniel, it's nice to meet you both" Daniel smiled gently nodding. No doubt this was not the way she expected to start the day but she wasn't going to complain either, Nova returned the smile gently, without realizing they were holding each other's eyes.

It wasn't uncomfortable at all and it wasn't until the baby started sobbing that they both came out of their trance, "What's wrong, baby? You hungry? Let's go have some breakfast" Daniel stepped aside to let her go into the dining room where he sat the baby down in a yellow baby chair, he saw her grab an apron and tie it around her waist before disappearing into the kitchen, what was happening to him? he could swear if he didn't stop looking at her his face would explode, they were probably up so early because the girl's father worked at that hour and he was here almost drooling over her, "Well, my work is done, I should probably go by now" He standed in the kitchen doorway wiping the sweat from his hands on his thighs, Nova turned around to look at him with wide eyes, "Don't you want to have breakfast with us? It's the least I can do after you preventing my daughter from ending up in the building's lost and found box."

Nova giggled nervously scanning Daniel up and down one more time, [would he have a girlfriend? oh my god, maybe she was waiting for him] her thoughts terrified her leaving her frozen in her spot, "Aren't you waiting for someone?" Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly, looking around for family photos or something like that, but he only found a photo of Julie with whom he assumed was Nova's mother, "Us? No, not at all, the I was preparing to go to the zoo, early there are not so many people and not so much sun either, which as you can imagine, is not our best friend" Another laugh left her throat as she pointed to her body, of course, someone so white should not enjoy the sun much, "You uuhh... Is someone waiting for you?" This time it was her turn to question him, both trying to clarify their doubts about the other, "No, no one is waiting for me, I'm on vacation with my best friend but last night he found a cute girl and I don't know anything about him" They both laughed at Daniel's revelation and after stayed silent for another couple of minutes, "So...breakfast?" Nova pointed at the stove behind her with the spatula she had in her hand to which Daniel nodded moving closer to her to see what he was preparing.

"I hope you like waffles with fruit and an exorbitant amount of Nutella because that's what I was preparing before having to run to the washing machine and before that ball went on an excursion" In the background the baby laughed while watching TV and shaking a bottle of juice that Nova had given her earlier, "Are you kidding?, Darling, I love waffles, here, let me help you" Daniel took the knife from her hands and took her waist to move her from the place to cut the fruit himself, the action left her static, the skin he touched lightning with electricity and a strong blush covering her cheeks for a few seconds, she blinked a few times before she could move to prepare Julie's bowl of yogurt.

She took out some pieces of frozen fruit from the freezer, putting them around the bowl of yogurt that she was going to give to the baby, the cold of the fruit helped her with the swelling in her gums caused by her teeth, when she was little her mother gave her frozen mango every time one of her teeth came out because it broke her heart to see her cry and now she did the same for Julie, in fact, she would do everything possible so her baby would never suffer, "There we go" The voice of the boy behind her brought her out of her thoughts, Daniel took the plate of chopped fruit to the dining room table where Julie was and Nova followed him with the plate of waffles and the baby's breakfast, putting it in front of her and handing her the spoon, "No disaster" She warned her pointing her finger at her before going back to the kitchen for two plates, forks and the Nutella for her and Daniel.

Daniel watched the girl who after her mother's "threat" nodded and began to eat without spilling a drop, he expected her to make a complete mess like his nephew when he was younger but he got surprised to see how tidy the baby was, after a few seconds of looking at her, he redirected his attention to Nova who was returning from the kitchen with the last things for them to finally have breakfast, the girl smiled shyly at him when his gaze slowly scanned her as she sat across from him at the table.

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Daniel couldn't stop his curiosity and dared to speak, "So... you guys live here alone?" Nova looked up from the television where the Backyardigans were still playing, nodding softly until she managed to turn her attention to the boy in front of her, "I work from 7 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon every day except weekends of course, Julie is on vacation now so I'm leaving her with her babysitter but in two weeks it's her first day of preschool, we moved in just a month ago" Nova tilted her head gently before taking the last bite of her waffle, Daniel nodded as he finished his waffles too [Why would such a pretty girl be here alone?] he wondered as he watched her wipe Julie's mouth getting rid of any yogurt residue that might have been left behind.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Daniel asked abruptly, causing Nova to look at him with wide-open eyes, surprised, "To the zoo I mean, I don't have anything to do today and I'd like to go with you..." His face was a poem, he was probably blushing just like the girl in front of him, "Sure, I think Julie would really enjoy the company" Nova smiled widely as she noticed the way Daniel's face lit up and her heart fluttered with happiness, "Great! I'll see you outside in 10 minutes" Daniel almost jumped from his seat, he needed to take a 5 minute shower so he said goodbye to the girl and her mother giving them a quick kiss on the top of their heads and ran to his apartment where to his surprise his best friend was already there , "Hectic night?" Daniel asked when he saw him sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his temples with a pained expression, "Where the hell were you?" the boy asked seeing him take clean clothes in such a hurry, "Four apartments to the right" Daniel answered as he left his things in the bathroom, "She must be cute if she can get you to wake up so early" He mocked, earning a threatening look from Daniel. Daniel, "Don't bother Scotty, we're just going to the zoo" Daniel disappeared into the bathroom leaving his friend who with a groan had flopped onto the bed.

Nova was with a silly smile since Daniel had said goodbye to her and Julie, what was going on? She had met him that same morning and now he would accompany her to the zoo? It didn't bother her at all, on the contrary, it excited her, and that at the same time terrified her, no one could fall in love so quickly, could they?. Either way she donned matching white Nikes with Julie, adjusting her hair for the 1000th time in a span of 5 minutes, she felt like a teenager about to go out on her first date, god was this an date? She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts and smoothed her dress with her hands checking herself one last time in the mirror before turning to Julie who was waiting for her on the bed, "Do you like him?" The baby nodded quickly, taking out of her mouth the new cold teether that Nova had given her to talk, "Handsome" Nova's mouth formed an O of surprise, they both burst out laughing and the girl squeezed the baby's cheek, "Oh I see now, smarty pants."

They were both waiting in the living room watching TV, Nova repeated some dialogues from the movie they were watching after Julie got tired of the Backyardigans, the girl moved the baby's arms to the rhythm of the song Barbie sang making her laugh just when someone knocked on the door.

Nova turned off the TV and put Julie on the floor who ran to open the door, behind it was Daniel, he was wearing a black sweatshirt with a nice formula 1 car in the center and ripped jeans, he looked handsome and his smile multiplied everything, his face shone with happiness, Nova felt that the emotion she had in her stomach did not fit into her own body, "Ready?" Nova nodded turning around to check that everything was alright one last time before leaving, once the door was closed Daniel lifted Julie in his arms and took Nova's hand, the contact sent electricity through both of their bodies, She looked at him surprised but noticing how happy this little action made him, she also smiled looking at the floor to hide her blush.

Daniel thought that perhaps the action had been very drastic and that she was going to reject him, but she did not move her hand, which further encouraged Daniel who began to walk towards the elevator, once inside he took a look at his hand that covered almost entirely Nova's, he grinned before breaking the silence, "So what's the plan?" Daniel adjusted Julie in his arm who was falling asleep on his shoulder, he looked at the baby for a few seconds, she was curled up in the curve of his neck gently sucking on the teether that Nova had given her minutes before leaving home, her eyes closed gently as her left arm hung deliberately at Daniel's side, "Well, we only thought about the zoo, Julie likes otters a lot but we left home before she could meet them there" Daniel nodded gently swinging his hand hand with which he held hers, Nova took a quick look at her daughter letting out a giggle, Daniel looked at her with an eyebrow raised as a question but his lips kept a slight smile, "What are you laughing at, huh?" Nova covered her mouth with her free hand this time laughing once more, "Putting her to sleep is torture but you hold her and she falls in minutes, what did you do to my daughter huh?" They both laughed this time, the elevator stopped and opened its doors, they both walked through the reception towards the doors, the doorman greeted Daniel with a polite nod opening the door and then greeted Nova in a more casual manner, after after all, he already knew her and Julie well enough.

"We'll go in my car" Daniel announced gently turning his head to look at her, Nova had just reached into her purse to get her keys but stopped when she heard his words, she nodded softly looking around with wide eyes, "Can we go get Julie's stroller out of my car?" She asked timidly trying to ignore the "discreet" cameras that were taking pictures of them from afar, Daniel smiled and squeezed her hand to make her feel safe, Daniel liked the fact that Nova didn't know who he was or what he did for a living, he felt comfortable and safe so he decided that he would tell her later, for the moment he would maintain the little anonymity he had with her.

They walked towards Nova's truck that was not so far from the parking lot entrance, the girl let go of Daniel's hand to approach the trunk taking out a folded stroller, he hurried to take it because it looked a bit heavy, Nova opened her mouth to protest but Daniel didn't give her a chance, he silently let her know that as long as he was there she wasn't going to carry anything heavy so she resigned herself closing her trunk and returning to Daniel's side who started walking towards a nice black car, it was a McLaren if she wasn't wrong, only someone with a lot of money could have a car like this, some things clicked in her head but she still couldn't figure everything out so she preferred to keep quiet, "You don't know how much it hurts me to let you go" he whispered to the baby before giving her to Nova so he could put the stroller in the trunk, once that was done he opened the passenger door for the redhead and made sure that she and the baby were comfortable before closing the door and coming around the car to take his place on the driver's side.

Daniel began to drive to the zoo in silence, the girl took advantage of the fact that Julie was still sound asleep to analyze the boy once more, his hair was brown, curly and his eyes were very similar to hers, with beautiful green sparkles that shone with the morning sun, a sight for sore eyes if you asked her, "Why did you guys move?" His voice brought her out of her trance, the boy looked at her with big eyes waiting for her answer, she thought about it for a few seconds but decided that maybe it was time to talk to someone about it, "My father is not the best person in the world, and let's say that he wasn't particularly happy with the situation, I didn't want my Julie to go through all that" Nova let out a nervous giggle and Daniel noticed how her shoulders tensed when talking about her father but he didn't want to push too hard so he just nodded and continued driving.

Without realizing it the day went by as fast as water, the visit to the zoo was better than any other activity the girl has been able to do with the baby since they moved in, with the boy excited to show things to Julie, Nova at last had a small opportunity to feel relieved, after that Daniel insisted on taking them to eat so she had no choice but to accept, in a blink of an eye they were already in Nova's apartment, aware that it was late but refusing to say goodbye.

When they finally succeeded, Daniel now went to his apartment happy knowing that he had promised Nova to come back on Tuesday to see a movie and have dinner. He opened the door still feeling in the clouds, his friend had not stopped asking questions since they went to bed hoping to know more about this mysterious girl receiving short answers from Daniel who refused to reveal information about her or the baby.

Tuesday afternoon had arrived, Daniel would be there in less than 5 minutes and Nova couldn't get Julie to stop crying, desperation grew in her chest with each tear that fell from her baby's big eyes that couldn't vocalize for her what was wrong, the tears began to accumulate in her own eyes wetting her cheeks as she continued trying to reassure Julie and just when she thought she was hopeless someone knocked on the door, "Look baby! You know who that is? Yes, yes you know" The girl spoke to the baby who kept crying until the door opened revealing Daniel's silhouette and out of nowhere, what seemed like incessant crying stopped, the girl's eyes shone with happiness looking at the smiling brunette in front of her, she extended her little arms towards him and Nova allowed him to carry her, without words she let him pass allowing him to sit with the baby on the sofa while she went to the kitchen.

Nova took refuge in the safety of her kitchen sitting on the floor to cry her exhaustion, Julie had started crying since early in the morning, maybe since 5 or 6 am she really couldn't remember it and had stopped… At some point, but it had started all over again minutes later, they were both tired but Julie refused to take a nap and Nova was too soft to let her cry alone in her bed.

Now she was cornered between the countertops of her kitchen hidden behind the isle to avoid being seen by the boy who was now looking for her, "I managed to make her fall asleep, I hope that works", When Daniel entered the kitchen she got up like a lightning, turning her back trying to wipe her tears that seemed infinite now, "T-Thank you, that's great!" His heart melted, she was clearly exhausted so he decided to try and give her some relief, he slowly approached her and hugged her gently around the waist, he felt her body tense for a few seconds before succumbing to tiredness and tears again, her back hunched slightly due to the minor depressurisation on her spine that had been hurting for hours, she clung to Daniel's arms that rested his head on her shoulder, "It's okay… You're okay" His voice was almost a whisper, he wanted to make her feel safe, let her know that he was there for her.

"You're not mad at me?" The redhead whispered to him between sobs which made Daniel's expression change, anger taking momentary possession of his face as he denied without taking his cheek from her back, "Of course not, honey, why woould you say that?", There was a small silence in which only the soft sobs of the redhead could be heard, "Dad used to hit me when I cried… He used to get very mad" The girl confessed making Daniel's blood boil in seconds, [who would do something so horrible to his own daughter?], he couldn't think of anything worse until the girl slightly lifted her shirt revealing her lower back, her skin was adorned with scars, some looked way older than others, without thinking he knelt in front of her, with firm hands on each side of her hip and gently kissed the area, he no longer cared if he was going too fast, he wanted to protect her, to let her know that no matter how crazy it sounded, he loved her and would never leave her or Julie alone, "I got you , you're safe now, baby.." he whispered into the girl's skin causing her to shiver from head to toe, his hot breath contrasting with her always cold skin.

She nodded gently, resting her hands on the counter as he stood up, turning her on her heels to look at him, her beautiful eyes were red and swollen from exhaustion but to Daniel she was still the prettiest girl he had ever seen, "Be mine… Stay with me please" The boy whispered taking her chin between his index finger and his thumb to make her look at him, their eyes connected, she nodded again making him smile widely, he hid her in his chest and she wrapped her arms around his waist squeezing him against her body, she didn't know what was waiting for her next but she was sure she wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

#daniel ricciardo #dr3 x reader #dr3 #fanfic #this is too much for my own sake #f1 fic #Spotify

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phoenixmosheh · 11 months

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6/20/23

Quick Teaching Point for the Basic Betch & her Basic Groupies and fans...

Hi. I am doing great I know you all care. The guy I was staying with tried to sleep with me and when I rolled over on his comfortable sofa bed and pretended to fall asleep...he began to cry like a little weak a$$ baby thinking I was asleep (wow). My unborn children have more game than this pu$$y. However, he did start withholding: no more random gifts you ungrateful betch or outings or groceries. (This is a great example of people doing kind things to look good for clout aka their own benefit and masking it with selfish desire)

But thats OK... because the security gaurd friend of his came over and asked what kind of groceries I wanted... so I have texted her my grocery list. Basic betch...you don't gotta do anything you don't want to do boo...you might not keep getting all the finest things in life... but you'll survive pu$$y intact.

(If you are one of those people who are going to click the play button below and say things like "nobody gives a f*ck betch"...try and remember nobody told you to click play ...you did it yourself idiot).

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(Don't get it twisted people...I support walking away and cutting off people and d*cks and whatever needs to be axed...but I also believe in proper investigation and a fair and speedy trial before cutting people off...because then I can say I did my very best and don't feel bad when I choose not to go back to toxic people)

(Elias now that you know you have a natural contraceptive d*ck and can't get these garden hoes pregnant...don't give me a reason to think you are actually a dumbass & have bad taste without being under a love spell...its a quick Ciao for me,pregnant or not. On the contrary, let another one of these hoes try you...I'm going to beat that a$$ pregnant or not (baby gonna come out all frazzled and yet still smarter than these chemically imbalanced test tube babies).

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https://youtu.be/uxfKH7yc9ZM - Sagittarius Women

Back to Elias corrupt Adoptive Stepmother who never thought she was going to get exposed within this blog...

(uhm ... you do realize in order to be tied to a bloodline you have to be born into one biologically/ or spiritually OR at least share a child with someone right? Don't be ghetto betch.... killing someone's parents and then taking their baby (Elias) and doing spell work on him all his life so that his money connected to his bloodline would never leave doesn't count. I also don't understand how you can be racist against people of different complexions. I have seen your pictures and no offense, but my biological mother is a couple shades lighter than you and no offense but if you're trying to avoid being a minority your features would give you away. If you are going to be a racist to others...make sure to be all the way racist you're confusing yourself and others. As for Elias...I know I know...spell work was involved but...I've had some racist family members as well who didn't want me bringing men home that were your complexion...I brought them home anyway and my family would call me a traitor, but I didn't care. Do you have to kiss this person and deal with their bullsh*t grandma? No! I'm bringing home the whole rainbow, until I find "the one." Thank you very much now pass the tabbouleh.

Intro to finding out Elias' Mother was the Ringleader of this plan and partnered with one of his toxic Masonic ex-girlfriends to obtain his inheritance from his real parents.

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Elias, I didn't finish this video its longggg... but per God there is something significant about what is being said. From what has been explained to me your adoptive mother had a stillbirth but was a relative to your biological mother. Does your adoptive mom have any dead sisters, that you have never met or heard of? God wants you to solve this. Did your grandmother ever mention a daughter she lost?

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...I know some ignorant arse racist is going to have some kind of whack a$$ Commet like "brown and black is not a part of the rainbow colors"... there is this thing called primary colors you learn about before year 1 of your education. There are children under the age of 2 who know when you mix these primary colors of the rainbow you get brown and black babies idiot. (Blue or indigo if you've never heard of people who have deeply melanated skin...referred to as blue black that's also a thing...get out and travel more and you won't be so closed-minded & useless!) There are actually apes smarter than people who are racist...some people just can't be taught. Smh. In fact, just give me the ape at this point, sh*t, someone with enough brain cells who can utilize the critical thinking part of the brain. Keep mixing colors of the rainbow fellas, you'll get black eventually. And a sticker saying "congratulations, you did it." (Fruit Loop that betch).

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And lastly basic betch, you can't have any of my energy... my babies feed off of it and I don't want to look like Bella from twilight when she's giving birth to Renesmee because your leech a$$ can't figure out your own identity. (OH sh*t here come the witches gathering on a full moon "make her look like Bella, Make her look like Bella" keep playing with me you all are going to look like Bella....)

6/30/23 update for Elias...

You need to learn how to control your anger per Raphael. Also, I was told to tell you at least 7 or more. And yes, you will have a daughter she's going to follow you everywhere and be way more interested in learning about your skillsets than mine...I'm jealous.

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Elias, a month ago I bought a new bikini, a size bigger than usual on purpose... so that I could watch my booty miracle grow into it...lol. today it fit (quite snug actually). My hair is also growing again I hope you like to pull hair 😘...OK I'm done talking don't want people in bikinis to start falling out left and right. I also got you a gift ❤️ don't worry... I didn't put a spell on it and it's not me. I am way more thoughtful than that.

Uhm Basic Betch... I was sent word that you don't appreciate my gift in which you asked for...You wanted to be me right?

Is your hair falling out? Did those fibroid tumors make an appearance yet (a result of casting miscarriage spells) yikes.? Did that poison from your fake tatas seep into your bloodstream yet? Be careful of the heatwave going on outside odds are you don't have a car anymore...and whatever you do don't try that street drug Tranq woman to woman its not a good look...I would say you would heal overtime from these things... but I put a cap on my energy soooo ...probably not. (I'm still waiting on a thank you for letting me borrow your energy...not people allow others to be them) Have fun! Anybody else want to be me?

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6/20/23

Teaching Point # 2: Intuitive Art Predictions

I kept coming across this NASA article on my phone. " 7 US Companies Collaborate with NASA"... first time I overlooked it. The second time I fell asleep reading it and the third time I dropped my phone and there the article was again. It clearly wasn't clicking because I'm honestly not all that interested in investments that require human beings to take me to another planet for survival... when they can't even fix the planet they are on (Earth) that yields all that is necessary to survive such as oxygen for starters. But hey...these people have been to the most prestigious schools so don't listen to me.

Anyway...I remembered the guy that was housing me showed me a drawing he made inspired by this guy at a Boba Tea shop he frequented who always had on a NASA t-shirt.

So I read the article and it led me here:

The guy told me it's a Boba pearl but I think it's an Orb (bomb) and they are using the moon to practice on before they start releasing them into Earth's low-orbit. I could just be paranoid and a skeptic like many are about Jesus Christ.

#Youtube

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sonyandsam · 3 years

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Some dream fuckery nsfw thots

Okay so. Since they're sharing a brain kinda I can imagine Johnny sees what she's dreaming about a lot. And since she's a single horny bitch she tends to have some pretty frequent wet dreams. And at first Johnny was into it. Guess it was kind of a weird voyeurism thing watching her get railed in her dreams by random older men she'd seen on tv or in passing on the streets. Bit then she started dreaming about that old fucking corpo Takemura and he started to get pissed.

There no way that old fuck who can barely take a fucking selfie can fuck her that good. He decided to interrupt her dreams one night, tired of playing cuck to a bunch of fake dream men. And Clearly she hasn't had real good dick in while because the ones her mind is coming up with aren't nearly as impressive as his own. So while Viera is starting to get finger fucked in her dream, the visage of Takemura starts to glitch. Switch. Shes seeing Johnny now. "Oh hell no." She tries to pull his hand out of her but his free one pins hers to the bed above.

"Oh no, princess. I'm not about to watch that geriatric 'saka bastard give you weak dick for another fucking night in a row."

Shes embarrassed, clearly. Fully lucid in this dream state. "You've been watching my fucking dreams??? What the hell is wrong with you Johnn--~y." His name trails off into a moan as he thrusts those silver fingers in hard.

"You seem to forget, we share a headspace. You really are a fucking whore too, with how freaky you like to get I might have even kept you as a groupie back in the day." He's smirking, leering down at her through his aviators. It isn't often he sees V all defenseless like this, and it makes him even cockier knowing he got the jump on her in her own dreams.

V does the only thing she can think of to get that smirk off his face. She headbutts him. That gets him for just a second before pulling his hand out of her and putting it around her throat. His glasses are knocked off and she can see the lust and rage in them. "I knew you liked to play rough but it looks like you really want a fucking beating..."

He squeezes and see feels it, like he could actually kill her here and now. And it just excites her more. "Well... I like to fight back..." She wheezes.

"Well let's see how well you fight back then." His silver hand moves from her throat to her cheeks, pushing her mouth open for him to slide his human finger in there. "Suck on em. Then maybe I'll be nice enough to let you suck my cock and breathe."

She lets him slip them into her mouth, lacing her tounge around and through as best she can with his hands on her face. Until she bites down. Hard. He pulls them out and on reflex smacks her across the face. "Somehow I knew you'd be psycho enough to do that..."

She just smirks, the stinging on her cheek going straight to her core. Her panties are gonna be a fucking mess when she wakes up. "Oh no. What, you gonna cry about it?"

He glared daggers at her as he stands on his knees on the bed. "Make sure you cry about it." He grabs her hair rough and pulls her close to his impressively large bulge. "You're gonna let me fuck that weak throat of yours and if you so much as scrape your teeth on my cock too hard, I'll blow your brains out," He pulls his revolver from the back of his waist back. "You understand?"

She bites her lip, eyeing the zipper sperating her from her orders. "Guess I don't have a choice..." She is quick to unzip his pants, his dick springing free and hitting her cheek. Man wasn't kidding when he bragged. It is pretty impressive.

"Mouth open." He presses the gun to her temple, and she quickly obliged.

"Least you can actually listen sometimes." He gets his hand out of her hair, giving himself a few strokes before sliding into her mouth, slowly thrusting further and further until he's forced it down her throat. Shes gagged, a few tears rolling down her cheeks as she tries to relax. He doesn't give her a moment though, starting to make good on his threat. Speed fucking her throat so hard she can't breathe. That gun is still pressed to her head but his other hand is back in her hair, giving himself the leverage to use her as he pleases. And given by how her eyes have rolled back into her head, she seems to be enjoying it too.

But yes. Shes loving it. Johnny is good about pulling out just long enough to give her a pleading breath. She'd never truly beg him though. Once he feels he's close enough to bust he pulls out, before shoving her back against the bed. His fingers finding their way back inside her with even less resistance than before. "God you're real fucking wet... I figured a bitch like you'd have some prime pussy." She just whines in response before turning her head away. No way johnny would let that fly. No. He grabs her by the face once again, pulling her up just enough to look her on the eyes. "I wanna see the look on your face as I ruin you for any other person who even tries to get in your pants." He punctuated every word with a rough thrust up of his fingers. Sliding two more in easily. The stretch stings bit she loves it.

His lips are on her neck and breasts, leaving harsh bites and red marks in his wake. God he wished these would show on her in reality. Just be one more tiny way for people to know he was still here. He listened intently to her moans and gasps, knowing well enough by now that she was so close to cumming. Oh no, not on his watch.

He pulled his fingers out, smirking as her bliss turned to anger. "God damn it Johnny I was-" she was abruptly stopped by the image of him, fingers in a V against his mouth as he took a taste of her. God if her could only taste her for real. Even in her dreams she tasted just so good.

"You don't get to cum until I say so, got it?" His tone was just so that she could only nod. He grabbed her by the face again, pulling her up. "Hands and knees, now. I'll even let you have a pillow for that delicate head of yours." He let her go, tossing the pillow over.

She shook the haze out of her head, smirking. "You really can't make me do that. This is still my dream you know."

He huffed out a laugh, moving his grip to her neck before forcing her face to the mattress. "And yet you can't even bring yourself to stop me." He plunges his cock straight in with no hesitation, causing her to nearly scream into the mattress. Fuck she needed this just as bad as he did.

#v x johnny #johnny x v #johnny silverhand #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk #smut #adult headcanons #lemon

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lilibetbombshell · 3 years

Text

Technically, I started this trilogy on the 31st, but I finished it today. And, you guys? IT WAS SO GOOD. I've read two previous rock band reverse harems before: "Lilac" by BB Reid and "Lyric & the Heartbeats" by Lana Kole (the latter is also an omegaverse novel). I liked them both, though I liked "Lilac" a bit better.

But this trilogy, the "Rock-Hard Beautiful" trilogy? Holy fucking shit. It blew me away. It was better than both of the previously-mentioned books, almost combined.

On the absolute worst day of her fucking life, Lilith Tempest Goode has no home, no job, no friends, no money, and no family left. It's vital as fuck she get to New York ASAP... but she's in Phoenix. The only thing she has worth selling is two tickets to a rock concert her cheating asshole of an ex left with her. She figures she can scalp them to at least try and get on the road. She scalps the tickets but somehow ends up spontaneously winning a backstage pass to the show. She isn't a huge fan of the band like her ex was, but it's raining outside and she figures she can dry off a little, wait out the rain, and have some beer.

The beer turns into a visit to the band's tour bus.

That visit turns into leaving her car alone too long and it gets trashed, leaving her with no way to get to New York at all.

And that... turns into a kind offer to let her ride along with these five rock stars as they proceed with their US tour, who are all just as broken and damaged as she is, even if they're all torn apart in different and very painful ways. If Lilith were a cup, they fill her up continuously with their love, their desire, their warmth, their caring, their thoughtfulness, their generosity, their pain, their sorrow, their hurt, their dreams, their nightmares... and she takes it all. She lets it fill her. She adds it to the whirling maelstrom that is her emotions and lets it help heal her, guide her, and to let go of who she thought she had to be. She takes what's left and uses it to soothe each man's demons, massage every last ache, and tend to every last broken piece of them.

These books didn't make me cry, but they DID make my soul ache. But in the best way. Sex is up-front and CENTRAL in these books. If the sex weren't so vital to the plot, I'd say there were too many sex scenes; but Lilith, her body, her sexuality, her ownership of herself and of these men and their sexual relationship(s) is absolutely vital to understanding these characters and who they are and why they do what they do. These characters are ALL extremely fucked up, and they have seen and experienced some of the worth shit life has to offer. Sometimes, their bodies need to do the talking.

And I'm not even mad, because the sex scenes are SO well-written. Even in group sex scenes, Stunich manages to give us a good mental picture of where everyone is without losing the spice of the scene. That's achieved with a lot of showing and not telling, and I appreciate that so much when I see it!

I gave:

"Groupie" 6/5 ⭐️

"Roadie" 6/5 ⭐️

"Moxie" 5/5 ⭐️

#books #book recommendations #book reviews #cm stunich #rock dead gorgeous trilogy

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Seven

So sorry this was so late, guys. Thank you for the sweet messages. For those who don't know my cousin was found by her two little children yesterday morning. She's been a heavy drinker for the last few years and we suspect she was getting into drugs as well through her husband. She was only 26 and way too young to die. I always idolized her when I was little, and wanted to be just like her. I know everyone has demons and are imperfect but it's really opened my eyes that even people we put on pedestals have things they're working through, just like us. Addiction runs in my family (obviously because this is the second cousin we've had to bury this year due to drug/alcohol addiction), I just always thought she would make it out. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers, it isn't going unnoticed.

Words: 5k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, drug abuse, mentions of sexual assault

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"That's it?" I sneer at Nikki, on his heels after shoving Sparkie aside and leaving him in the dressing room, my hand reaching out to grab Nikki's wrist and snatch him back to me to keep him from walking away. "Not too long ago you beat the shit out of him for doing the exact same thing, Nikki, what the hell is so different now?" I demand, and he pulls away from me, his hazel eyes darkening with a looming sadness as he just looks down at me.

"He's a fucking pervert, Viv. We know this, alright? Just kick his ass if you want to. I'm not gonna beat a dead horse." He dismisses me.

What had changed was when he beat Sparkie to a pulp the last time, he didn't know about Duff. After discovering my relationship with one of his friends, it wouldn't have shocked him to find out that Sparkie and I were fooling around, too. I was a slut in his eyes, which was fine, because he was one in my eyes, too.

"Why the hell can't you just try to protect me, for once, Nikki?!" I snap at him, tears in my eyes, and he huffs out a huge breath, glaring at me.

"Because I don't care, Vivian!" He screams.

"Oh, that's pretty evident, Nikki, that really is!"

"I haven't protected you? You haven't protected me!" He throws at me, pointing his finger in my face.

"Protected you from what?! Drugs?! The bullshit of fame?! People that want a piece of you just to say they're friends with Nikki Sixx?! I've tried! I've dedicated my fucking life to you! To making you happy, and making sure you were okay and every time I thought you were, you'd just go off the deep again!" I shout, a lump in my throat...my lost babies...my relationship with Duff..."I've protected you more than you even know, Nikki. And if I haven't, I've tried, and I'm still trying!" I outburst.

His black-smeared eyes widen at my words, his jaw clenching as his nostrils flare.

"You're still trying to protect me?" He asks, shaking slightly. "What exactly from, Vivian? Huh?"

I blow him off, shaking my head slightly, about to walk away when he grabs my neck, making me squeak in pain.

"You weren't protecting me from shit when you did that Playboy cover just to spite me. You weren't protecting me when you started fights with me over tiny shit, you weren't protecting me when you were hiding our relationship from people to begin with and you sure as fuck weren't protecting me when you hid your friendship with Duff from me!" He hisses out, his nose brushing mine, his hand still around my throat. "You want guys to respect you when you aren't worth a fucking thing which is why you had to get naked in a magazine to get validation in the first place." He adds viciously. "And as for Sparkie, you've made it pretty evident you'll wrap those pretty legs around just about anyone so excuse me for not thinking Sparkie is where you draw the line being that you're just another pussy to unload in and get on to the next attention-humping slut."

A satisfying crack sounds when my fist connects to his eye, making his fingers release my throat as he groans, stumbling back.

I wipe my tears, taking a deep breath as I shakily step past him, my eyes closing slightly as I wince at the unbearable “I hate you!” screaming past his lips, being hurled at me.

“You don’t get the luxury of hating me, Nikki.” I snap at him, continuing to walk away.

“You’re ungrateful and spiteful and selfish. Everything I have done for you--our lifestyle, our house, our--”

“And I never asked for any of it! I never wanted any of it! I just wanted you, Nikki!” I turn around to look at him once more, my voice cracking tiredly because we’ve had this conversation a thousand times before. “You didn’t have to do any of it for me but you did because you were trying to earn my love and respect but you already had it, I already adored you without the other bullshit, and you adored the excess and the groupies and the drugs!” I point out and he looks at me painfully, tears in his own eyes, out of anger, no doubt.

“I fucking failed you, Vivian, how many times are you gonna make sure I hear it?!” He yells back.

“Until you stop victimizing yourself and making me out to be the bad guy when you know damn well you did this to me! You ruined me, just like my fucking mom said you would!”

“I ruined you?!” He questions, his eye beginning to swell up. “I never forced you into a relationship with me, Vivian! You knew exactly what you were getting into when you got with me!”

“If I knew what I was getting into, I wouldn’t have given you a minute of my time, let alone six years of my life because you weren’t worth it!”

“I hate you!” He repeats, this time he really sounds like he means it, and I can’t help but give it right back to him as the words, “I hate you!” fly from my mouth before I can stop them.

He already deemed himself unlovable due to his mother only wanting him when it was convenient for her, and his father never wanting him to begin with...I only reinforced that, without meaning to, somewhere along the way.

“What the hell is goin’ on?!” Doc shouts over us and we look at him. “What the fuck happened to your eye?!” He pipes next, looking at Nikki.

“It’s fine.” He swats Doc away when he tries to take a look at it. “I can still play and make you plenty of money.” He adds in a hiss, shoving past him, shooting me one last death glare before leaving us.

“What the fuck happened?” Doc demands.

“I’m getting a divorce.” I state. “That’s what.”

When I turn around I see Izzy, his eyes hiding behind his shades, cigarette hanging from his lips as he trails behind me when I pass him.

“Ya know, it’d be easier if you didn’t add fuel to the fire, Viv.” Izzy tells me, not meaning any harm by it, but I’ve had enough.

“And my life would be easier if you were just dead.” I snap, slamming the bathroom door behind me.

I wondered what it would feel like if Nikki just knew about Duff and I. I wouldn’t have had that looming, paranoid fear, I wouldn’t have constantly been avoiding certain conversations altogether and I certainly wouldn’t have given Sparkie any ammunition...of course, it would have been the absolute end to our marriage, then and there--same day divorce, no questions asked…

“Nikki, just hear me out, please,” I plead, tears rolling down my cheeks as I tug my shirt on.

“How was it?” He asks me, fuming, and I furrow my brows, slightly.

“W-Wha--”

“--You said you wanted me to hear you out, Vivian, so I wanna know exactly how fucking one of my friends was?” He hisses, and I shake my head.

“You don’t need to patronize me, Nikki, I just made a mistake--just like you made with Vanity.” I tell him.

“Oh, my God.” He scoffs out, making a beeline for the tousled blankets in the living room floor in front of the fireplace.

“Nikki--”

“--When you found out about her you marched into the room, threw things around, called me every disgusting thing you could think of and wouldn’t hear a thing from me about why it happened but you do it, a-and it’s just a ‘mistake’ you made?” He asks me, his voice struggling to maintain it’s stern composure.

“I’m sorry, Nikki, alright? I am sorry, please don’t do thi--Nikki!” I shout as he throws the blankets into the burning fire, heading to our bedroom. “Nikki, stop!”

He starts stripping the sheets from the obviously screwed-in bed, next.

“You destroyed my shit when I cheated, why the fuck does it matter that I do it to you, huh?” He’s not even yelling, he’s surpassed the stage of “yelling” anger.

“Because I didn’t cheat!” I insist.

“Then why are you so upset that I walked in and saw you in bed with him, Vivian?” He asks next, keeping the tears in his eyes from toppling as he speaks.

“Because I didn’t want you to find out this way.” I admit, my voice shaking and hoarse from crying.

He throws the sheets at my feet, before silently going to his closet, grabbing his clothes as fast as he can.

“What are you doing?” I ask him, panic in my voice.

“I’m not sleeping here tonight, Vivian, I-I can’t.” He tells me.

“Nikki, no, we need to talk about this or-or something, please.”

“I can’t be here, right now, I-I look at you and I just…” He can’t finish, clenching his jaw. “...I’m not staying here tonight.”

“Then we can talk about it tomorrow, Nikki, just please--”

“--I don’t know when I’m gonna be back, Vivian, I don’t, so just leave it at that. You stay here as long as you want and he can, too, I don’t care anymore.” He lets out, weakly, grabbing the suitcase he came in with.

“Where are you going?” I hold back a sob and he ignores me. “Nikki, please, talk to me about this, I--”

“--There’s nothing to talk about. I slept with Vanity and you slept with Duff, we’re even now, and should both be done with this shit.” He continues packing quickly.

“Nikki, please don’t go, we can work this out like we’ve always done, please.” I grab his hand, my eyes swelling from crying, my nose running, but I don’t care.

“How do you expect me to feel sorry for what I did with Vanity when you’re trying to make everything better with another guy’s cum in you?” He asks me, calmly. “This marriage was obviously just damned from the start, so just call it what it is and let’s both get on with our lives.” He closes his suitcase, picking it up.

I’m pathetic with tears cascading down my face, giving one last "hail Mary" attempt as I hold to his arm that reaches for the door knob, and sob out:

“Nikki, please, don’t leave me like this, I don’t care about what happened with Vanity, just don’t leave me like this, can we please just talk about it and try to work on it, please, Nikki.”

He looks down at me, his own dam breaking just briefly enough for one of his tears to fall from his face and land on my lips, slithering through my slightly parted lips.

One last taste of him, before he’s shaking me off of him, and leaving me.

Yeah, I guess it’s good he didn’t find out sooner.

“Hey,” Duff’s voice cracks my thoughts, making snap back to reality as I look in the mirror, seeing him tower over me, and Stevie cheerfully bouncing on the balls of his feet, bringing a small smile to my lips, “Doc said you were in here.” Duff adds and I wipe my eyes, trying to avoid messing my makeup up any worse than it is.

“Yeah, I figured.” I reply softly.

“You just have one last night, okay?” Steven reassures me. “Just one more night and you’ll be outta this mess and back home.”

“Right.” I try to give my most convincing performance, grinning as best as I can...Duff clearly sees through it, clearing his throat a little.

“Vivian, if you wanna go back to the hotel, I won’t be mad.” Duff offers.

“What? And miss you guys’ last show on this tour? Are you kidding me?” I brush it off, my chest clenching as he looks down at me and Steven just raises a brow, their sweet faces obviously showing concern.

“You don’t have to act all tough around us, ya know.” Duff tells me, and I rub my lips together.

“I’m not acting.” I insist, shaking my head, turning back around to wipe the smudged mascara from under my eyes. “I’m tough as nails.” I explain, sounding as if I’m trying to convince myself, and them, of it.

“Duff, dude, Axl wants you.” Slash peeps his head in.

“Alright, man, I’m comin’.” Duff says. “See you in a second, k?”

I nod, maintaining my unbothered expression as he kisses my cheek, leaving me with Steven.

“You know, you’ve got a lot of shit on you right now, but...we’re not cats, Viv.” He tells me out of nowhere.

“What?” I ask him, confused.

“My grandma has this fat-ass cat, and he got sick and even though he was at his food bowl, he wouldn’t eat, he’d just make it seem like he was. My grandma’s vet told her cats pretend they aren’t weaker than usual to keep other cats from finishing them off.” He states and I let out a breath, nodding.

“You think I’m bullshitting to keep from making it worse?” I ask him, trying to keep my shaking voice at bay.

“I think when you and Nikki were still together and working on things, and shit was hell behind the scenes but seemed so glamorous on the outside, you didn’t pretend everything was fine to keep Doc off your case...you pretended Nikki wasn’t a heroin addict and your relationship was fine to keep other girls from ganging up on you and trying to steal him away.” He says calmly.

“Well, Vanity can tell you that didn’t work.” I scoff, sniffling.

“You don’t have to keep pretending everything’s fine, anymore, Viv.” Stevie states.

“I’m a woman, Steven. It’s not fine. Everyone is pinning my failed marriage on me as if it’s my fault he was on drugs, and sleeping with another woman, and--” I stop myself before I start crying, not wanting to refix my makeup. “--When it goes public, he’ll be praised for being a rockstar and knowing what he wants, and I’ll be scolded for not being sexy enough or fun enough or pretty enough or nasty enough or whatever enough to keep him happy and entertained to the capacity it requires to keep men happy.” I tell him, my voice rasping through the lump in my throat. “None of this would be a problem if I were just a freaking guy.” I add, laughing humorlessly.

He doesn’t have anything to say, opting to wrap one of his arms around my shoulders while the other wraps around my stomach, hugging me to him, his cheek resting against my hair as a tear rolls down my cheek, my hands find his, welcoming his embrace full-heartedly.

I predicted it.

Once the news of our divorce hit newsstands, it was automatically my fault, and when those “Nikki Sixx Files for Divorce from Estranged Wife” headlines turned into, “Nikki Sixx and Wife Retract Divorce Filing”, and then, “Vivian Sixx Announces Pregnancy Bombshell, Duff McKagan (Guns N’ Roses) is the Father”, all hell broke loose.

Things like, “Vivian Sixx: You Can Put a Ring on a Groupie, but It’s Still a Groupie,” and “*Insert whatever rockstar’s name I happened to be at the same social gathering as* and Vivian Sixx, Here’s What We Know,” were put on tabloids.

When Los Angeles Daily Times spun a bullshit story about me and my alleged affair with Jani Lane, who was engaged to Bobbie Brown--who was also one of my friends--at the time, and also claimed I didn’t get along with Bret Michaels or Bobby Dall because they were somehow my recent ex-lovers, Izzy and Steven went down to their office with a shotgun and threatened the moron who wrote the article.

An apology was issued publicly, rather quickly, as it should’ve been, but everything everyone said about me, and the situation, whether negative or positive, stuck with me for years, and it took awhile for the negative to be shaken off.

"We go on in, like, twenty minutes, Viv." He tells me softly and I nod. "I love you." He adds.

"I love you, too, Stevie." I reply.

His lips give a quick kiss to my exposed shoulder before he's leaving to go join Axl, Izzy, Slash, and Duff.

I fix my makeup once more, going to Mötley's dressing room to grab my purse and reapply my lipstick.

Emi and Donna quiet down when I come in, they're sprucing their hair up, glancing at me, looking like they've been caught even though I didn't hear what they were talking about.

"Hey, girls." I tell them, grabbing my lipstick.

"Hey, Viv." Emi replies.

"Where the guys at?" I ask.

"Vince and Tommy went to find some girls, Mick's talking to Doc, and Nikki…" they trail off, exchanging a look.

"...Is in the bathroom shooting up. Got it." I scoff, using their mirror to smear red on my lips.

There's a tension, as if they want to tell me something else, but don't exactly know how to.

"What's up?" I ask them, next.

They look away from me and I furrow my brows.

"Girls, what's wrong?" I question and Donna sighs.

"Sparkie just came in here and told us--randomly--that you and Duff have been sleeping together on this leg of the tour." Emi confesses, my nerves bunching up and frying.

"W-What?" I ask.

"He told us and then asked where Nikki was and we told him we didn't know because we didn't want him to tell him that because it's not true." Donna adds and my face tells it all. "Oh, my God."

"Nikkk cannot know, he can't tell him." I insist, heading to the door.

"We'll find Nikki, you find Sparkie." Emi offers.

"Thank you." I tell them, opening the door, running into Nikki.

"The fuck are you doing in here?" He questions me.

"Um...girl talk." I lie as best as I can and he rolls his eyes, pushing me out of the way, sitting on the couch, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

I look at Emi and Donna, mouthing, "keep him in here," and they nod.

I shut the door, on the hunt for Sparkie.

As I'm walking backstage, I notice how the crew is staring at me more than usual, even more than when my Playboy issue came out.

I furrow my brows slightly, seeing Nikki's bass tech about to pass by, grabbing his arm and stopping him.

"What's everyone's deal?" I ask him and he looks at my hand on his arm, and back to me.

"It seems you've given people reason to talk about you...and Duff...again." he explains, alluding to me using Duff's in Playboy.

"Did Sparkie--"

"--Yeah." He nods and I feel my blood boil. "Good luck." He gives me a small smile and goes on his way, making me shake my head a little as I look at everyone looking at me, whispering under their breath.

I make a couple laps around backstage, managing to never find Sparkie, but I do see Tansy by the drink table, and I make a beeline for her.

"Where's Sparkie?" I ask and she looks at me.

"Oh, um, I-I think he went to talk to Nikki." She tells me. "He went to check in their dressing room, maybe? I'm not sure, he didn't say but he said he couldn't find him and headed that direction, why?"

My heart hammers in my chest, and I can't bring myself to answer before I'm rushing back to the dressing room as fast as I can in my heels, opting to just take them off altogether and carry them in my hand.

"Hey, Vi--" I shove through Vince, Tommy and Mick who're about to enter, opening the door in a burst, feeling tears pool in my eyes as I stare at Sparkie and Nikki sitting together on the couch.

That's it. I'm done with. I'm fucked. Nikki knows. He knows. That's it.

"Hey, Viv." Sparkie fauxly grins at me, propping his feet up on the small coffee table scattered with porn magazines, and I feel my stomach turn, my eyes shifting to Nikki, whose expression is too neutral for me to know if he knows or not. "I'm glad you could join us, I was just about to have a very important conversation with Nikki." He tells me.

"Can I talk to you outside for a moment, Sparkie, please?" I beg, anxiety prickling at my nerves, glancing behind me when I hear feet shuffling, seeing we now have an audience of Tommy, Vince, Mick, Steven and Izzy, along with Emi and Donna who sit quietly in the corner, looking guilty for not keeping Sparkie away.

"I think whatever you want to say to me, you can say in front of Nikki." Sparkie says, standing up and I roll my jaw. "In fact, why don't you tell him?"

"Sparkie." Tommy speaks up, causing the grease ball to look at him over my shoulder. "Dude, chill out."

"What exactly do you need to tell me?" Nikki questions loosely, still in the clouds…

"Yeah, Vivian. What exactly do you need to tell him?" Sparkie smiles.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Is all I can come up.

"I'm sure they do." He adds flatly, and Nikki stands up stepping to us.

"What the hell's he talking about?" He questions me.

"He's a lunatic, Nikki, I don't know." I shrug, the palms of my hands sweaty.

"You don't know?" Sparkie raises his brows, stepping past me and Nikki to walk to the door.

I know what he's about to do: drop the bombshell and leave me with Nikki to suffer.

Anger takes over at the thought, how disgusting he's been to Tansy, how repulsive he's treated me, how cruel he's been to Nikki in terms of making him feel like he has to have heroin...I glance down to see the plunger of a syringe in Nikki's black boot. And I snap.

My hand pulls the capped needled syringe from his shoe, and I get the cap off, the needle slamming into the skin of Sparkie's left shoulder blade, just after he's about to say, "I bet Duff knows," but he only manages to get out, "I bet Du--".

"Vivian!" Tansy's screaming shriek rips through the room as I get Sparkie on his knees by bearing my weight on him while continuing to shove the needle in and out of him, stabbing him with it as hard as I can each time, arms wrapping around my waist and him, trying to get me off of him.

When I realize I'm being pried away, I discard the syringe and claw my nails at his eyes, making him scream and holler louder while everyone's yelling at me and Tansy's sobbing.

I feel the forceful pull of a set of arms around my waist, and two more sets of hands on my arms, finally plucking me from Sparkie.

Doc, Steven, and Mick are all holding me at bay as Tansy looks Sparkie over, everyone else in shock. Except Nikki.

Sparkie's a crying, babbling wreck.

"Tell him now, bitch!" I bark at him, and he only wails louder.

As sick as it is, hearing him that distraught brought me a joy I'd never known. Sick bastard had finally gotten what he deserved. Maybe it makes me a crazy bitch for doing it, but nobody else had the balls to try to kill him when we all wanted to, so I suppose I took one for the team. And you know what? I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Sick bastard.

"You cannot just start beating the fuck out of people--not even beating, this time, Vivian, he can go and press some serious charges against you and--"

"--Because he's a pussy." I snap and Doc snatches at my wrist, stopping me.

"Because you stabbed him, repeatedly, with a heroin needle, Vivian." He grits out.

"So, I'm supposed to care whether the needle I plunge, repeatedly, into a drug-hustling-rapist is dedicated to the use of smack or not?" I furrow my brows.

"I'm not saying that--"

"--Then don't say anything at all because at this point, everything he's done to Tansy and tried to do to me, is inexcusable and I'll stab him a million more times if I damn well please, and anyone trying to talk me our of it is a Sparkie sympathizer and I assure you, you don't want me to find out you sympathize with him." I promise, turning to walk away.

"I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, Viv. I'm just saying that you weren't this violent six years ago." He states and I stop, rolling my jaw, before turning back to him.

"Because I didn't have much of a backbone six years ago, and I cared about making everyone happy six years ago and I let people run over me if it made them happy six years ago and I was stupid and naive and had this idea that if I'm a good person, people will be good people back. But seeing how drastically my life has changed in a matter of two years in terms of my marriage and personal relationships and all the boozing, drugging and pussy-chasing in between, I don't have the grace or the patience to try to make people happy anymore. And that's not me being a crazy bitch, or a shitty person, that's simply me adapting and reacting to the environment I've been put in. I'm trying. I am doing my best. If my best isn't good enough for you then please walk to the back of the line of people waiting to deep throat my clit." I calmly tell him before going anywhere else to collect myself before the show starts.

"Hey, Stripey Balboa." Izzy chuckles to me when I get in their dressing room.

"Izzy." I roll my eyes, plopping down on the couch and he raises a brow.

"Have you gotten your barbarism out of your system yet?" He asks next.

"I will once I shank you with a needle if you keep talking your shit."

"I'm not talking shit. In fact, I admire your willingness to completely throw out your moral compass over a shit-smothered asshole like Sparkles and, by doing so, making me afraid and slightly aroused." He replies with a slick, sarcastic grin, before genuinely smiling. "Honestly, though, I'm glad it was you and not me because I would've killed him before drugs ever did." He adds, leaning forward and patting my knee before standing.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier." I say before he can leave, turning to look at him. "My life wouldn't be easier if you died. Yeah, I'd have one less person to worry about, but you're one of the people that makes my life good, so...I wouldn't know what to do without you."

"Nikki didn't have any reason to cheat on you. I just said that to piss you off." He admits with a sigh.

"So, we're good?"

"I don't even remember why we weren't good to begin with." He shrugs, giving a little wink before leaving me alone.

After a few more minutes, I decide to go grab a Pepsi, standing up to leave, only to accidentally bump into a woman that seems somewhat recognizable, but also, not, at the same time.

"H-Hi, um, i-is this where the band hangs out before the show?" She asks me, glancing around.

"Um, yeah, most times...which band?" I reply and she raises her brows.

"What?"

"Which band? There's Guns N' Roses, and Mötley Crüe." I explain.

"Oh, Mötley Crüe. I got in contact with their manager and he gave me directions and mailed me a backstage pass, so--"

"--Doc did?" I question and she nods.

"Yes, I tried to find him, but I can't seem to find any familiar faces so..." she trails off and I nod.

"Okay, well, let's go find him, alright?" I suggest kindly, feeling bad at the fact she looks way lost and like a fish out of water as we walk down the hall.

She glances at me for a moment, before clearing her throat.

"You look even prettier in person." She says to me and I look at her.

"Thank you." I reply. "So, are you a reporter or just a die-hard fan?"

"Oh, neither." She says. "Where's your wedding ring?" She asks next and I'm at a loss for words for a moment.

"Um, I lost it." I lie.

"Oh."

We continue looking for a couple more moments, to no avail.

"They're probably grabbing some last minute stuff from the bus, but um, you're more than welcome to eat anything or drink anything you want while you wait." I motion to the table of food prepared for the guys and the road crew.

"I was thinking I'd get to know my daughter-in-law a little better." She says next.

"Oh, is she here with you?" I question, looking around, but she takes my left hand, looking blankly at my empty ring finger before adding, "at least I think she's still my daughter in law."

#gateway drug #nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc

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queen-rogah · 5 years

Text

One of us (Roger Taylor!Ben Hardy x F! Reader)

Summary: Y/N went to Roger's flat to surprise him, but she was surprised by a huge nightmare

Warnings: Angst and Foul Languages

Writer's Note: Hi there! This is actually my very first time to write a fic and I hope you guys will like it! This fic is based from the song ONE OF US by Abba

They passed me by, all of those great romances

You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances

From the time you arrived in London again and feel the cold breeze nipping your skin made you feel so much excited to see the love of your life, Roger. You came home from a family vacation and stayed in the family house for almost a month. You have survived just calling Roger through the phone and writing letters to him even though he can't write you back due to his tour with the band. In the last few weeks, Roger didn't contact you that much so if you call him on the phone, Freddie would be the first one to answer and say that Roger is busy or gone in his flat. You understand his life as a well known rock star and through those endless gigs and parties that Freddie would throw, you sometimes think if Roger have eyes on someone.

My picture clear, everything seemed so easy

And so I dealt you the blow

And now you're back and giddy to see him, probably plant a lot of kisses all over his face by the time he'll open his door of his flat.

You took the taxi with much excitement again and said the address to the driver as he accelerated his way out of the street. You stared at the view of London again, feeling the atmosphere and imagining the reaction that Roger would make to see you home earlier that you have told him. Deep down still have that doubt, but you tried to slip that away and smile to yourself. Remembering that Roger said to you that he'll never break you heart, since you're also the love of his life.

When the vehicle finally stopped in front of the building where Roger's flat is, you gave him the fare and thanked him as you stepped out and stood there. You sighed deeply and quickly went in front of door, you rummaged through your wallet if you have his spare key with you and see there together with your own apartment key. You silently inserted the key and unlocked the door open, tiptoeing inside and closing it softly. You look around the place where all of your memories of him we're made and smiled at the pictures framed on his coffee table. The telly was open, so he's home.

You took off your scarf and set your things aside to look around to find him. No one is in the living room, the kitchen, his another room where his drumkit is, so you look over his room with his door closed. You smiled and made your way towards the door and happily opened it with your excitement

"Love! I'm back!--"

You stopped on your tracks and look clearly to what you're seeing.

It's Roger, sharing a bed with Sherry, the groupie you knew of the band. Your blood run cold and suddenly began to boil. You look over at them, sheets covering their naked bodies and their clothes scattered around the bed. That's the same bed you first had sex with Roger, the bed where you used to lay with him and talk about some things and now, you're seeing another woman in that bed full of damn memories.

"Roger...How fucking dare you--" Tears streaming down your face

"Y/N! I can explain this!." He said as he put on some clothes and tries to hold you, but you kept on stepping back from him until you both are already outside his room.

"Explain Roger?! You have to explain what you did? Oh no, I don't fucking care what kind of explanation you have to say about this. All that I have to say is that you're a cold hearted person and you don't care that you have me, your girlfriend that loves you so much, that needs you so much, that wants to see you much. And then I came home to see this? Fucking your own groupie?! You're fucking disgusting Roger." You sob as your voice became hoarse and rough with the anger and sadness coming over you.

Roger can't talk right now, he's just facing the floor since the words you've said stabbed his heart. What he did to you just didn't stabbed your heart, it broke your heart and shattered it into a million pieces.

"Y/N, please...I can make it up to you, I promise I'll change, I'll change for you." He pleads as he went down his knees, his hands gripping your hands.

"You've hurt me Roger and I can't forgive you. I guess I'm right..." You mumbled and pushed him away from you, walking away towards the living room.

"What do you mean Y/N?."

"I'm right about what I'm thinking about you! These past few weeks, you never call me, so if I tried to call you, Freddie would be the one that will talk to me through your phone. Little did I know you're already fucking that skank of yours and she never thinks that you have me." You smugly said and sarcastically laughs at him. He's so ridiculous.

"Please Y/N, I beg you to forgive me. I swear in my life, I will change..." He said but you didn't listen. You just took your scarf again and took your things.

One of us had to know

Now it's different, I want you to know

"Goodbye Roger Taylor." You said and walk out of his flat with tears still falling down your face. Feeling the broken heart that the person you loved the most gave you. You imagine him crying over you and throwing different things in his flat right now, even kicking out that bitch he have in his bed.

This is the first time you didn't kissed him by the time you came to visit him in his flat.

...

3 YEARS LATER

You laughed with your friends here in this restaurant since its your birthday. The feeling of three years without any partner in your life is the best thing that happened to you. You only surround yourself with positivity in the last years, even though you have gone through the biggest heartbreak that he did, but you did good in the end.

As your friends said that you'll make a wish, you closed your eyes as you wished for endless positivity in the next few years with your family and friends, and to someone that will make your heart flutter. By the time you blow your candles and opened your eyes, your happy expression turns into sadness. Your eyes looked at them, their hands tied together and she, she's so beautiful in that dress she have, her brunette hair perfectly cascades down her back. It's been three years, you promised yourself that you won't be heartbroken if you'll see him because you've move on. Turns out, you haven't.

One of us is crying

One of us is lying

In her lonely bed

Your hands gripped around the metal handle of your luggage. You ran away, away from him. You quickly went to Freddie's flat and pound loudly on his doors, causing some neighbors outside their doors to look at you in annoyance. Freddie has been the friend you have in the group, the friend that gives you advices to your relationship with Roger if anything goes wrong and he's like the peacemaker for the two of you. But now, you don't think he will be the peacemaker after what Roger did to you.

The door opened to see Mary, his girlfriend and you waste no time but to drop your things and hugged her tightly, the tears continuously streamed down your face.

"Y/N? What happened?." She asked as she hugged you back. You both pulled away as she cupped your face, asking what's wrong again, but you can't respond because your tongue is tied and your heart is severely broken.

Then you saw Freddie came in with a shocked look on his face when he see you drowning in your own tears in front of Mary. He quickly approaches you and gave you the biggest and the warmest hug you've ever felt in weeks.

"What happened darling? What's wrong huh?." He asked in his soothing voice as he cupped my face just like Mary did.

"Roger...he..."

"What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?." He asked.

"He's sleeping with Sherry Freddie, the fucking groupie! She's in our bed! I...I came to him from home and that sight of her and Roger broke my heart. Did you know that he and Sherry are already hooking up?." You asked with your voice cracking up.

"No...I do not know about them, but that fucking bastard. He don't control himself and he don't think that you have him! I'm this close to punching that wanker after what he did to you."

"No Freddie, leave him be. Make him suffer with the mess he made. I need to get away from here and find the place I want to spend my lifelong happiness. Just away from him." You said as you calm down.

"Y/N, are you sure about this?." Freddie asked, with Mary who is staring up at you with a questioning look too.

"Yes, I'm very sure. Only you guys will know where I'll be, don't let him find me because I never ever want to see his face in my life anymore."

Staring at the ceiling

Wishing she was somewhere else instead

Weeks later, Freddie found you a place where you can stay in Brighton. Where you can see the view of the ocean and you're only streets away from the pier. The place was peaceful and amazing. It feels like you're isolated from all of the problems you've had. You have contacted your family that you moved out from London, only your family, Freddie and Mary knows where you are. Nobody talks about Roger finding you, but all that you think about is, you will never gone to this biggest heartbreak if you don't fell in love with him. But he's the loveliest man you knew and he had treat you so much like a queen in his life, but what happened?

You stared at the ceiling with your thoughts running around your head. You decided that you will never leave Brighton, you will never go to London and you will never see Roger Taylor anymore. But she's wishing that she was somewhere else, the heartbreak is still there, even though she don't see him anymore, but her heart is still breaking.

One of us is lonely

One of us is only

Waiting for a call

You heared that Roger is finally searching for you. Freddie non-stop calling and updating you about him. You even panicked when you tried to call Freddie on the phone and Roger is gonna be the one that will answer, so you'll just quickly end the call and stare at the dead line.

After all of this, he's now searching for you. So, he's done with Sherry so he needs you again? He's been asking the others where you are but they are keeping their mouths shut and be bombarded with lies. They are trying to protect me and they are trying to avoid me from Roger and I'm thanful for that.

But the part of you wants to call Roger, hear his voice and tell him that you still love him even though it hurts. Stubborn, as they say. Your hand itch with eager whenever you see the telephone, but Freddie's words swim around your mind. Roger isn't worthy, he doesn't deserve your love anymore after what he did.

Those memories in your mind still haunts you after years have passed. Now, your eyes are just looking at them, especially him. When they are looking for their table, you tried to hide yourself with your friends. They noticed that he's around so they act it out. The tears are ready to fall again but when you saw that they are finally sitting down, you turn your look to them again.

Then you heard from the waiter, "What can I get for you Mr. and Mrs. Taylor?." The waiter happily asked.

Your movements stopped as you realized she's his wife. The woman he promised a lifetime of happiness and the woman that he will have his children with. You remembered before that he promised you that you're just the one woman he will marry, but it turns out to be somebody even better than you, and that broke your heart again.

Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small

The feeling that you want to go back i time and fix to what you did. Roger loved you, you loved Roger, but you wasted it. Every seconds wasted, you never even found someone you will spend your whole life with, but he did and he is now married with her.

You wished that you didn't left, you wished that you have talked to him and you wished that you've changed. Three years have passed and now you're still here, regretting every single thing you did. You loved him, but you let him go. So he found someone else that will love him.

You, you're still drowning with sadness that is built in your heart.

Wishing she had never left at all

#roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor #one shot #queen #queen band

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Three

Words: 4.8K

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, angst

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"Viv?" I barely hear her voice as Tansy gently nudges at my shoulder, worriedly, while I'm staring at the TV after calming down from hyperventilating, my mind starting to collect itself as my sorrow begins turning into pure rage.

"Vivian." Her voice becomes crystal clear and I'm shoving her away from me, into the floor, as I scream, "don't fucking touch me!"

"Vivian, I'm sorry!" She pleads. "We couldn't tell you!"

"We?!" I grit out. "Who the hell has known about this?!"

Her silence is speaking volumes and I roll my jaw, stomping to the door with her crying motivating my anger further.

I'm banging on Tommy's door, hearing him and Nikki chuckling, and the second the door opens, I'm grabbing the full Jack bottle out of Tommy's hand and throwing it at Nikki.

"How could you let this happen?!" I shriek at him, tears of anger streaming down my face as I start picking up everything in sight and throw it at Nikki. "What have you done, Nikki?!"

"What the fuck, Vivian?!" Nikki's yelling back at me as Tommy tries to get me under control, but all I have to say is, "Me, God, and everybody just saw your fiancée brag about getting to marry you," and Tommy's stumbling back in shock, the look on his face is the same as Nikki's and they know they're all fucked.

"Vivian--"

I shut Nikki up by throwing a bottle of wine at him, missing him, but it smacks into the screen of the TV, causing a loud banging noise as glass goes everywhere, before I'm grabbing a stray heel off the floor that one of the groupies left here with Tommy, hurling it at him and it hits him in the face, hard.

"How could you do this to me?!" I cry out as he starts trying to walk to me, trying to keep his anger low, but I get away from him, throwing a hotel lamp at him, only for it to shatter on the wall behind him. "What did I do to make you hate me so fucking much, Nikki?! To make you pursue another girl--one of my friends--so fucking hard that you propose to her?! Am I just that fucking forgettable?!" I'm throwing dirty dishes Tommy's used tonight, all of them breaking when they miss Nikki by merely centimeters, hitting the wall.

"Vivian, fuck it off!" He barks and I grab Tommy's switchblade off the nightstand, throwing it next, and it barely misses Nikki's face.

"I hate you!" I say back. "I fucking hate you!"

He's pouncing before I can grab anything else, tackling me to the bed, holding at my arms.

"I have done nothing but dedicate the last six years of my life to you, asking you 'how high' every time you have told me to fucking jump, trying to help you the best I could, and trying to keep my shit together for you and this is how you repay me?!" I'm overcome with sadness once more, a wave of sobs drowning me, and I try to get him off of me, hitting at his chest.

"Viv--"

"--How long has this been happening?! How long have you been fucking her?!"

"Vivian, stop before you get us kicked out." He orders sternly, trying not to raise his voice anymore.

"I am humiliated!" I wail out, pain threading through every layer of my voice.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Fred and Doc come in with Tommy, I didn't even notice Tommy had left.

I take a few breaths, pushing Nikki off of me and he stumbles back after I shriek, "Get away from me!" and sit up on the bed.

"Vivian--" Doc starts.

"Shut up! I don't wanna fucking hear another word because it's all fucking bullshit!" I seethe at him.

"Vivian, we can talk about this calmly, because screaming--"

"--No! I've had everyone's foot on my throat for the past four years, telling me how to act, how to look, how to make sure he's happy, and it just took less than 45 seconds for her to blow every fucking thing to fucking hell and let me know I did all of it for absolutely nothing!" I say through thick tears, bubbling anger starting to rise within me again.

I'm suddenly lunging and clawing at Nikki's face and neck before I can stop myself.

"Vivian!" Nikki hollers, his face bleeding as he tries to swing at me but Doc blocks him, yelling, "both of you calm the fuck down!"

I'm starting to breathe quickly, my whole body feeling heavy as Fred and Doc keep us separated.

"How the hell did this happen?" I ask him, more so demand.

"Vivian," Doc says, catching his breath. "We'll talk about it later."

"I just found out…" I can't bring myself to say "my husband's been cheating on me" without feeling like I'm going to vomit. "...and you just wanna talk about it later?" I ask him, appalled and he looks at Nikki.

"I'm not…" Nikki trails off, shaking his head, looking as if he's about to cry before heading to the door and slamming it shut.

"Oh, God, please." I beg, holding at my aching chest, my eyes squeezing closed as tears topple down my cheeks.

"Come with me." I hear Doc lowly say to Tommy.

"Viv," Tommy slowly starts and I shake my head at him.

"You were suppose to protect me." I hold back a sob. "You've always protected me and when I needed you to the most...you were suppose to protect me and you didn't." I finally muster out and tears break over his lashes.

Before he can say anything, Doc's leading him out of the room, leaving me with Fred.

"Vivian," Fred says, genuinely concerned.

"I-I-oh, God." I can't make myself speak, tears and snot running down my face but I don't care, and he nods as I shake my head a little.

He just grabs one of my hands, squeezing it, comfortingly.

We got kicked out of that hotel and because of my tantrum, we had to pay them back for the broken lamp and TV, but I didn't care.

I had done everything. Everything I could, everything I was told to do, and it still wasn't enough. I still wasn't enough. My best still wasn't enough.

I lay on the bathroom floor of our new hotel with the door locked, not crying as extensively as I was, but it's a steady stream of tears puddling on the floor, as everything I overlooked runs through my mind.

Those nights I'd come home to see Vanity passed out in my house, the way everyone would get a little uncomfortable when she would hint at something and I was the only fucking one that didn't think anything about it...the fucking "V" tattoo on his arm that he played off as a five, when he just as easily at least could've have said it was for "Vivian" or something. Anything.

"You are the world's biggest fucking idiot." I whisper to myself. "How could you be so stupid?"

I'm so tired, I've been crying for the past four hours, but anytime I try to sleep I can't. It's not because I'm on the floor and I'm uncomfortable, but because my mind won't quit replaying every scenario there is imaginable of Nikki and Vanity touching each other.

A one night stand would have been something I'd still be shattered over...but an entire relationship?

I don't even want to know how long it's been happening.

I just want to sleep.

"Vivian." I hear Vince say from the other side of the door and I sniffle, not wanting to talk to anyone. "I'm sorry, alright? But what the fuck did you expect? We're rockstars. It's common sense how we live. You should have known Nikki wasn't an exception to that, when you married him."

"Get out!" I scream at him, getting all the strength in me to open the door and shove at his shoulders to the room door.

"Vi--"

"--Leave me alone!" I demand, snatching the room key from him before opening the door and pushing him out, slamming it shut, resting my aching forehead against the cool wood.

I try to take deep breaths to calm down, but I'm unable to.

I slide down the door, my mind continuing to race.

I couldn't sleep at all.

My eyes, nearly swollen shut from crying for two days, are glued to the screen of the TV set before me, Doc, Fred, Nikki, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Tansy, Sparkie, Donna, Emi, and everyone else at risk of being asked about this shit show by the press, as a recording of Vanity's interview is replayed to us.

"Yeah, I'll be Vanity 6 once again. Isn't that nice?"

"I heard that--now, Nikki, uh, he's not ma--"

"--Mötley Crüe." She states what he's known for and cuts Arsenio short.

"Yeah, I read about Nikki in, uh, Fresh Magazine."

"Oh, no, you've read about him." Vanity says, causing the audience to laugh uncomfortably along with Arsenio.

"Is he here?" He asks.

"Texas. He's in Texas." She explains.

"He's in Texas with Mötley Crüe."

"Right." She nods.

"And they're probably partying with some chicks up in the room." He jokes, trying to carry on as smoothly as possible with this whirlwind she just dropped.

"Oh, I'll kill him." She laughs out. "I'll kill him."

Again, everyone laughs.

"When are you getting married?"

"Oh, probably December, maybe Christmas, maybe New Years, we haven't decided." She replies.

"Are you--you seem like you're in love, you're very bubbly, you're glowing." Arsenio points out and she nervously rubs her forehead.

"Oh, I--I know, I feel stupid, I know. I look stupi--"

"--No, no, that's great." He argues politely. "And this ring is something else." He states as he looks at it. "You don't get no crackerjacks with this, I mean that's a nice ring." He chuckles, along with her and the crowd.

Doc stops it there, anger of the highest degree on his face as he glares at Nikki, who's got his sunglasses on and refuses to even look my way.

"I told you--" Doc stops talking for a moment, nearly shaking, having to take deep breaths. "--when you got together with that coked out bitch to not be--" he loses it, throwing his bottle of water at the wall, "--fucking messy!" He yells. "We have done everything we could possibly do to help you and what do you do in return? Bend all of us over and just," Doc thrusts his hips forward a few times as if he's screwing a girl, "fuck all of us!"

Nikki let's out a heavy breath.

"Her sister called last night and that ring she's flashing around, Sixx, is Viv's." Doc states and I feel my bottom lip shake as more tears come to my eyes. "You can't tell me you didn't play a part in this shit. You can't. Vanity's crazy, but she didn't just wake up one day and decide to say she's engaged to you. You helped prompt this. You can't tell me you didn't." He points at Nikki and Nikki sits quietly. "Jesus fuck." Doc sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Okay. This is what we do. I've been on the phone for the past two days with the office, the label, Vanity's people...and everyone agrees that playing this off as a misunderstanding on Vanity's part is the best option." He tells us. "What she said about being engaged to Nikki is-is technically right thanks to his fucking smack and crack binge that lead to that bright fucking idea--but instead of accusing her of lying, we'll say it was a 'misunderstanding'." Doc replies and I squeeze my eyes shut. "It could get ugly for us if you two are at each other's throats over this, publicly, so you two are just gonna have to play nice for the cameras and hash this out behind closed doors." He adds. "Because if we say it was a misunderstanding but you two are having issues, they'll know we're bullshitting."

"What if I want a divorce?" Nikki--Sikki--boldly asks and Doc clenches his jaw while I brush away tears as quickly as possible, playing it off.

"You can split when this tour is over, that way you can blame it on something other than asking another woman to marry you while you've been married to the girl you've been with since 1981 for four fucking years."

I'm too exhausted to protest the idea of staying with him until the tour ends.

I just want to go home.

"So if anybody asks any of you about it 'no comment' the fuck out of them. And if you absolutely have to say something other than 'no comment', you laugh a little bit to make it seem like it's nothing, and tell them--verbatim--'It was a complete misunderstanding.' And if I find out anybody doesn't answer with one of those, word for fucking word, you're done." He threatens in a serious tone.

I've never seen Doc this mad.

"Do I make myself clear?" He asks us and everybody nods...except me. "Viv?"

"I want to go home." I tell him.

"If you go home right now, it'll look like something's up--"

"--Something is up." I let out hoarsely and everyone lets out a sad breath. "I just want to go home for a couple days." I say, my voice cracking.

"Not like it's gonna do you any good to run home. They knew about it, too." Sikki mocks me, referring to Duff and the guys.

"Dude." Tommy says to him as if wanting him to shut up.

I just get up and go to walk out of the room, stopping in front of Nikki, getting in his face.

"Burn in hell." I say and he turns his head to look at me, smirking.

"That's the dream." He replies.

I get out as fast as I can, Fred following after me, and the second I get out, I'm throwing up, hoping nobody in there heard, especially Nikki. I feel like his inner evil fucking psychopath junkie will delight in my discomfort.

He was angry because I refused to see him after he had tried to get Fred to convince me to speak to him.

I didn't know what to say to him, and I didn't want to hear anything from him, yet.

I just needed to get away from him for a few days and think about what I wanted to do.

Did I want a divorce? Did I want to pack my shit from the house and never go back to him on tour and send him the divorce documents in the mail? Did I want to try to fix things? Did I think things could even be fixed at that point? I didn't know what to do, other than go home.

I finish packing all of stuff into my suitcase as Fred comes in, clearing his throat.

"Look, I, uh...I talked to Doc. He decided it's a good idea for you to go back home for a couple days and come back with a clear head--well, as clear as it's gonna get." He explains. "But, the Rolling Stone dude is still coming on this week, so Doc wants you gone no longer than three days." He adds.

I completely forgot about Rolling Stone wanting to do a big issue on Mötley Crüe's tour in the midst of everything that's happened recently.

"Which of course now, they're definitely chomping at the bit to get to nitty-gritty on everything and if you're not here, that's gonna send off some red flags, according to Doc." He explains and I let out a groan.

"But Doc's currently getting you a flight for this early this evening, and I'll drive you there and we'll get someone to pick you up."

I don't reply, letting out a breath and he gives me a small smile.

"It'll be alright, Viv." He assures me.

"I've been telling myself that since 1981. Nothing's fucking alright."

Going out in public was a mistake from hell.

Every reporter outside of the airport here is shouting "Vivian" followed by invasive questions about Vanity and Nikki, and I'm happy I have my sunglasses on so they can't see me about to burst into tears.

"Vivian, are you going home to file for divorce?!"

"Is Nikki and Vanity engaged?!"

"Are you and Nikki divorced without public knowledge?!"

"Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?!"

"We were under the impression Vanity was your friend?!"

"Is this a polygamous relationship?!"

"Do you have any comments on the recent bombshell about Vanity and Nikki?!"

"Bless their hearts." I reply with a sarcastic smile, damning Doc's little gag order.

This causes them to start popping off my questions like a swarm of piranhas.

I'd be hearing about that comment I made, from Doc, the next day.

I'm praying there isn't a swarm of press outside as I make my way to the front exit of L.A.X., but my prayer is answered, kind of, when I only see Axl waiting for me with Duff's car.

We don't say anything to each other until we get to the first stop light on the road.

"It's fucking shitty we didn't tell you--"

"--Axl, I don't wanna hear it."

"No, let me finish." He demands. "Look at me."

I sigh and glare at him.

"We wanted to tell you, Viv."

"Then why the hell didn't you?"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, matter-of-fact, without a doubt, if one of us came to you and told you Nikki and Vanity were seeing each other, you wouldn't have lost your fuckin' mind?"

I don't say anything.

"We've been trying for months to get him to leave her alone, or come clean to you, and he'd just say, 'I'm working on it'. We had no idea they were that fucking deep into it."

I roll my eyes, my eyes blinking back tears.

"I'm being serious--Viv, hey." He says and I look at him. "If we would have known that, that's how you would have found out, we would've told you sooner. I swear to fucking God, Viv, we woulda told you sooner if we knew that's how you would've found out." He promises.

This is possibly the most sincere I've ever seen Axl.

Which lets me know he's being honest.

No matter how angry I am at them, they didn't tell me to save my feelings.

Their intentions were pure, but horribly executed.

When we get to the Franklin, we walk in to see the guys in the living room of Axl's place, watching cartoons.

I don't say anything to Izzy, Duff, Steven or Slash, and none of them try to speak to me once Axl gives them the look that says I'm not in the mood to speak about anything.

"I'm gonna shower." I say, taking myself to the bathroom with my stuff, locking the door behind me.

I shower, then proceed to stay in there, avoiding everybody and everything, until I hear a soft little knock, and Stevie's voice.

"H-hey, Viv? We got some food...if you're hungry, I mean." He says on the other side of the door and I exhale.

"I'm not hungry, Steven." I say, sniffling, wiping tears away that have been flowing since I turned the shower off.

"Are you gonna stay in there all night?" He asks next.

"It's my business if I do." I snap back and he lets out a breath.

He doesn't say anything else, I just hear him walk away.

Steven, as nice as he always has been, had no problem setting someone straight if needed. He was never aggressive with me, because I usually stayed on his good side, but if someone rubbed him the wrong way, he'd get in their face and ask them what the fuck their problem was. I expected him to break into that bathroom and ask me what my problem was, but he knew what my problem was, I guess…

...Izzy on the other hand…

"Izzy, what the hell?!" I yell as the door swings open after he picks the lock.

"We're fucking pieces of shit and the assholes they come out of, I get that. Axl gets that. Stevie gets that. Duff gets that. Slash gets that. We understand collectively that we are gross for not telling you. But we didn't tell you in hopes your dumb-fuck husband would wise up, like we have all been trying to get him to do, and break things off with the bitch. But he didn't. But we were hoping he would so we wouldn't have to witness your firey wrath sent straight from the gates of fucking hell. But we are anyway, apparently. We tried dropping hints. Countless hints. Obvious hints but you were too busy getting fucked by cupid and having a too perfect view of love to notice. But we tried. Extensively. If we knew she was going to embarrass you like that, we wouldn't have kept it from you, at all. But it's too fucking late now, and we can't do anything about it except just be here for you, I guess, but you coming home and being a bitch to us for not telling you something that would've been so fucking obvious to you if you would have paid a little more attention, is fucked. Next time we'll just tell you he's fucking one of your best friends and rip the fucking bandaid off." He says to me, stunning me. "Now quit hogging the bathroom because some of us need to use it."

I can usually take Izzy's tough love, but this time, I can't.

"I gave her a key to my house." I say randomly, more tears coming to my eyes.

"No, no, you're suppose to tell me to go fuck myself." He says.

"And the codes to our gate and...24/7 access to my husband, and I was too fucking stupid to realize I was just letting her have him anytime she wanted him." I choke out.

The door cracks open a little to reveal Duff behind Izzy, and he cautiously steps to me, hugging me tightly to him.

One thing I was beginning to realize: the first thing I said to Nikki was, "how could you let this happen?"

I was beginning to see that it wasn't meant as a "how could you let yourself do this to me?" but as a "how could you let her embarrass me like this?"

I knew something was up, subconsciously, I had this feeling that I knew something but I didn't know what exactly I knew until I was publicly humiliated over it.

I spend the rest of the night not speaking to anyone, not necessarily because I'm still angry, but because I'm just not in a talking mood.

By the time everyone else is going out, Duff and I are heading back to his place so I can try to sleep.

"You can have whatever side of the bed you want." He lets out, a little awkwardly being that we haven't spoken all night.

I nod, going to the side of the bed I slept on the last time I stayed here.

He looks as if he wants to say something else to me, but chooses not to as I get into bed with him, turning my back to him, hoping to get some form of rest, but even a couple hours later, it never comes.

I lay next to Duff, his soft snoring sounding through the small room, his bare back to me, and in the lights from the street that are filing through the window, I can see the smattering of acne scars along his back, and I can't stop my hand from reaching out, grazing over them.

He moves a little in his sleep and I let out a breath, tired of being awake with my own thoughts that are just overflowing with whispers of Nikki.

I wish I was in bed next to him.

I wish he never would have done what he did in the first place.

I wish I wouldn't have been so naive.

I wish I would have listened to my gut before we got married.

Finally getting tired of it, I pull myself up and stumble to the kitchen, looking around until I find a bottle of NyQuil syrup.

I take the correct dose of it to maybe help me sleep before going back to bed.

"Will you quit it?" I grin, chuckling as his lips brush against the space between my shoulder blades as he hovers over me while I'm laying on my stomach at the foot of the bed. "I'm trying to finish this." I add, referring to the blank paper before me and the pen in my hand.

"You weren't worried about writing it for the past two hours." He teases, peppering my bare back in kisses and I giggle, trying to worm him off of me."You're almost done with school, what's one missing paper gonna hurt?" He questions.

"It'll hurt when it counts as a chunk of my final grade and I haven't even gotten a thesis statement figured out. And if I when I bring home a crappy final grade, I don't think my mom will appreciate, 'I couldn't do my thesis paper because I was too busy fucking your worst nightmare that I snuck in through my window'."

He lets out a scoff, kissing my skin one last time before I'm turning over to face him, still holding the pen and paper in my hand laying above my head, my other hand tracing over his cheek.

"I can write it." He says after a moment of thinking and I furrow my brows.

"Write what?"

"Your paper."

"You want to write a thesis for paper for twelfth-grade English?" I have to stop myself from laughing.

"Sure." He shrugs.

"Didn't you drop out of school?" I question and he snatches the pen and paper out of my hand and sits up, grabbing the book I was using as a hard surface to write on.

"If I can write a song, I can write a thesis paper." He states and I raise my brows.

"Whatever you say."

My eyes slowly blink open, and my whole body starts hurting again, gut wrenching pain that's suffocating my heart in a stronghold as my swollen eyes start to weep again.

"Oh, God, please. Please, God." I beg, trying to be quiet enough not to wake Duff up. I'm not sure what exactly I'm praying for, I just know my spirit is crying out for mercy and relief of any kind.

He spent a couple days writing that paper, collecting sources and proof to back his thesis statement: 'The way today's christian and conservative groups view and sacrifice secular music genres, specifically rock n' roll, and the artists within those genres, is completely counterproductive of the teachings of who they worship because their approach is judgemental and belligerent.' I just copied it word for word in my handwriting and kept his original work of it which is framed and hanging in our house today.

Those were the main memories that would replay in my dreams: us when we first started fooling around and slowly seeing each other exclusively.

Small little things that just added more reasons to why I was so in love with in to begin with.

Things we completely lost sight of by 1987.

Those were the ones that would hurt like hell to wake up from.

I'm unable to fall asleep again, so I take another dose of NyQuil, and wait for it to go in effect.

I fell asleep, but woke up every couple hours, and immediately started crying each time, not forgetting I was heartbroken in the slightest because I'd dream of Nikki.

I'd just lay there saying, "God, please," not knowing what I was praying for him to do.

And, in a slightly irresponsible and reckless attempt to go back to sleep to stop the pain, I'd take another dose of NyQuil every time, not thinking anything of it because it was an 'over the counter' drug. After taking four maximum doses of the stuff in a 6 hour period, my body started freaking out.

My heart is pounding in my chest, my breathing trying to compensate for what feels like an inability to get enough air as something in me is telling me to wake Duff up.

"Duff, Duff." I gasp out, shaking at his shoulder and he wakes up, confused, tired eyes looking at me.

Apparently it just takes one look at me to wake him up fully, because he's sitting up as fast as he can.

"Something's not right." I say breathlessly.

"Viv?" He asks, at least I think that's what he says.

His hand suddenly grasps at my wrist, his fingers on my pulse point, and his eyes widen.

"We gotta get you to a hospital." He replies as calmly as he can, but I can tell he's frantic in his mind.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty

Table of Content or Part Forty-Nine

Wattpad

Word count: 4.9K

Warning(s): Explicit language, Violence, drug abuse

A/N: so this is annoying, I know, but as I was writing this chapter, I may or may not have made a plot hole that I went back in the story and filled in so it wouldn't contradict with this chapter, I think most of you will know what it is, I'd tell you now but I don't wanna spoil the chapter. Anyway, sorry if that bugs you guys but I was writing and it just flowed out but I did go back so the chapter it was first brought up in matches what happens in this one so it's not confusing for future readers.

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"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Nikki, happy birthday to you!" We sing as Nikki's about to blow the candles out of his cake.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Steven interjects, holding a joint above one of the lit candles, lighting the end of it on fire. "Okay."

He takes a drag of his blunt as Nikki blows his candles out, Tommy patting his shoulders.

"A whole twenty-eight years and you're still kickin', man." Tommy tells him and he grins.

"Who'da thought." Nikki adds, laughing, taking a sip of his homemade margarita.

"Okay, who wants cake?" I ask them, getting up from Tansy's dining room table to go get a knife from the kitchen.

I come back in to see Nikki and Tommy cutting at random parts of the cake with their switch blades.

"Guys, c'mon." Sharise scolds them, lightly hitting their arms before plucking the cake and icing covered blades from their hands.

"Boo, mom." Nikki sarcastically lets out with Tommy and Steven both echoing in "boo!"

"Hey, you're the good child." Sharise snaps her fingers at Stevie. "Don't let Chip and Dale contaminate you." She states to him, motioning to Nikki and Tommy, brushing past me to go to the kitchen to clean their switch blades off.

I give pieces of cake out, which isn't that much work since there's only seven of us in total: Nikki, me, Vince, Sharise, Tommy, Steven and Tansy, and once we're done eating, Tansy's insisting on presents.

"Alright, time for presents in the living room." She claps her hands together and we all head there, Nikki falling back on a couch and pulling me onto his lap.

"I'm gonna let you open 'em, babe." He tells me, patting at my hips where I shift to rest on one of his spread knees.

"Nikki, opening them is the best part." I argue.

"Which is exactly why I'm letting you do it." He replies, smiling tightly, but I know it's really because he doesn't feel like doing it.

I just roll my eyes playfully and Tansy organizes the presents around us.

"Okay, great and mighty one, which present would you like to be opened first?" I ask him and he leans over a little to see past me to examine the various shapes and sizes of his gifts.

"I want...that one." He points in the direction of a small, rectangle shaped box wrapped in news paper and Tansy hands it to me.

"This one's from me and Stevie." She adds.

"Thanks." I tell them, taking it from her and I dig into the paper and unravel it, seeing a black guitar pick, with a tiny name etched into it with white ink, I have to squint to make it out, but when I see who it's from, I know Nikki will love it.

I hand it to him, and he struggles to get his eyes to focus before looking at Tansy.

"Marc Bolan?" He asks her, impressed. "I didn't even think you knew who Marc Bolan was." He says to Tansy.

"I didn't until he died and Vince went into a depression over it for a few months." She explains. "But Stevie and I were thinking of what to get you, and then Doc helped me get in contact with his wife earlier this year and she still has his things and sent us that for you." She explains.

"Aww, that's cool." Sharise pipes.

"Guys, you didn't have to do that." I state.

"Aw, man, thanks, guys, I really like it." Nikki tells the two blondes, keeping himself from tearing up as he plays it off by clearing his throat, handing the pick to Tommy and Vince so they can look at it.

"You're welcome, dude." Steven replies.

"Alright, next is from..." Tansy looks at the name tag attached to a box wrapped in black paper. "...Tommy and Heather."

"It's kinda for you and Vivian." Tommy tells us. "We were gonna wait for Christmas but I figured it'd be better for your birthday."

"Is it raunchy?" I ask him to make sure.

"No." He assures me, smiling excitedly as I start unwrapping it.

I get it unwrapped and open the box to see a thickly packed book, and open it up to see an old picture of Nikki and I, visibly scowling at each other, looking like we're in the middle of an argument. He's in one of their old stage outfits they played the clubs in, in their early days and his black hair is completely covering his eyes, while I'm not wearing a trace of makeup, my hair pulled into a ponytail and my middle finger in his face.

Under the picture reads "The Whisky, '81."

I start flipping through it, seeing more candids and pictures of the two of us, featuring the guys, Tansy, their girlfriends at the time, groupies, Ozzy and his band, us with Sharon, the guys of Ratt, fans, us standing in front of important landmarks in other countries and different states we've visited in the U.S., our wedding photos, our reception pictures, "Shout at the Devil" era, "Theater of Pain" era...practically an entire montage of some of our biggest highlights and smaller, more intimate moments in between, featuring all of our friends and people we look up to and admire, all up to this year because there's even pictures of us hanging out with them recently.

Every picture is marked with a place, month and year and I sniffle back tears.

"You were so cute." Nikki comments as I pass the album to him and he's looking at one of the first pages at a picture of me and Tansy from one of their earlier shows. "You look like a baby." He adds, chuckling, patting at my thigh and I look at Tommy, more tears spilling over my lashes.

"Viv." He starts, smiling goofily at me.

"Aww, don't cry or I'll cry." Steven states.

"I'm sorry." I laugh a little, Sharise handing me a tissue from the box on Tansy's side table beside the couch before I'm getting up to see Tommy.

He's sitting on the edge of a comfy chair, and welcomes me with open arms when I sit across his long, skinny legs, and hug him as tightly as I possibly can.

Tansy leans over to look at the pictures with Nikki and she smiles.

"This was the night you lost your virginity, Viv!" Tansy pipes, holding the album up to show me a picture of me with my hand on ice--because Nikki slammed my fingers in my car door on accident--looking like I want to strangle Nikki and Vince as they try to wrap my hand up like a bandage, using a sock, which didn't work out anyway.

"You lost your virginity with one hand?" Steven asks me and Nikki and I exchange looks.

"It was her first time so it's not like she was doing much work, anyway." Tansy states.

"Okay, we can change the subject." I reply, awkwardly.

"She was doing plenty without needing her hands." Nikki insinuates reminiscently. "That's when I learned her little prude act is a cover up."

"Babe." I complain as Tommy squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to imagine me and Nikki having sex.

"Fine." Nikki chuckles, nudging at Tansy to get him another present.

Once he's done unwrapping the rest of them, Sharise and I are picking up the wrapping paper and throwing it in the garbage can, and cleaning the place up while the guys talk in the living room.

By the time we're finished, we're heading back to the living room and I'm sitting down next to Nikki, laying my head on his thigh because I'm sleepy.

His fingers brush against the red strands of my hair soothingly, and I maintain on the brink of sleep, but still able to hear everyone's conversation and sudden bouts of loud laughter.

I'm nudged awake as Vince, Tommy and Steven talk about taking Nikki out to a few bars here in Malibu for his birthday.

Nikki stands up and I just put my head back down on the couch when he gets up before he's chuckling to himself.

"Let me get her to bed and I'll be out there." He tells them. "Viv, baby, c'mon, let's go to bed." He says to me and I stretch, humming softly as I wake up, sort of.

When he sees I'm not getting up, he leans down, and picks me up bridal style as Tansy points him in the direction of guest bedrooms.

My back hits the soft mattress and I feel him pulling at my jeans to get them off and I find the motivation to try to fumble to get my constricting bra off.

He sees me struggle to unbuckle it in my hazy state and scoffs a little, helping me get it undone before I'm throwing it in the floor.

He's pulling the covers back so I can curl up underneath them.

"I'll be back later, k?" He asks and I nod with my eyes still closed, getting comfortable on the bed.

"I'm sorry I'm so tired, I'll give you the best blow job ever later on." I promise him, knowing he probably expected a fun night for the both of us for his birthday. "And can you ask Sharise or Tansy if they can sleep in here with me until you get back?"

"Okay, Viv." I hear his smile in his words before his lips are pressing to my forehead for a second. "Goodnight, baby."

"G'night." I mumble.

He steps to the door and switches the light off before stepping out.

He hadn't been that affectionate since we got married.

I blamed it on the fact it on the fact that he'd "sobered" up to focus on the album and kicked heroin.

He'd gotten back on freebase, yeah, but cocaine, in any form, never made him mean or vindictive.

He would hallucinate and get scared, but he wasn't consciously mean for no reason.

Heroin, however, turned him into the devil, and by that point in his addiction he functioned better on heroin, than not, because without it in his system he just couldn't think of anything else other than getting a fix and if you weren't apart of his aid for a fix, you weren't worth his time and he let you know.

So I thought he had kicked his heroin habit for the most part because he was being nicer than usual to me but oh, no.

He felt guilty for cheating on me so he compensated by not being an asshole to me as much--yet.

It makes sense to me, now. I'd feel like shit, too, if I were telling my mistress I was going to leave my wife for her because my wife was "suffocating" and "draining the life" out of me.

Which translates to, "I'm leaving my wife because she doesn't like or contribute to my addiction."

Christmas came and Jason was Nikki's Santa Claus.

Then came New Years...which winded up being near death experience number one of two involving my safety at the hands of Sikki.

Sharise, Skylar and I pull into the driveway in Sharise's car, and she's putting it in park as I grab my few shopping bags.

"Thank you for getting me out of the house." I tell her, unbuckling.

"No problem." She replies.

"Bye-bye, Sky." I say, waving to the baby tucked safely in her carseat with her fist in her mouth, leaning closer to her to press a kiss to the bottom of her foot, causing her to smile and kick a little. "Bye, Sharise." I add, giving her a hug as best as I can.

"Bye, Viv."

"Call me when you get home to me know you got back safe."

"I will. Love you." She calls before I close the door.

"Love you, too." I shut the door with my bags in hand and step to the front door, fiddling with my keys.

Just as I step inside, I furrow my brows at the sound of Rabid dog fight, until I realize it's Nikki screaming.

"You're not making any fucking sense so just shut the fuck up!" He yells and I start cautiously walking to our bedroom, putting my ear to the door, hearing a woman crying. "Stop whining and just go fuck yourself! Fuck you! Fuck Jesus and get the fuck outta my house!" He barks louder and the door is flying open and I'm met with a distraught, jittery Vanity, who's eyes are wide as can be, and the smell of burnt cocaine nearly knocks me to the floor.

She stumbles past me and out the front door, barefoot, and I'm dropping my things to go check on her.

"Hey, do you need me to call you a cab or your driver?" I ask her as she continues to walk to our gate at the end of the driveway.

"N-No, I got it." She assures me, shakily, and I feel like I'm looking at a beaten puppy.

"Vanity, I can call someone to take you back home. It's a long way from here." I try to persuade her but she keeps shaking her head.

"I'm fi...fine, Viv, I promise." She insists.

"Do you at least want your shoes?" I ask, my thumb pointing in the direction of our house.

"No, I'm fine." She wipes her tear stained cheeks frantically. "I'll get them later."

She turns to keep walking but I look down at her feet that are only covered by her thin black stockings, then down at my shoes.

"Vanity, here." I pull my sneakers off and she watches me, her eyes struggling to keep focus as I crouch down and put them on her feet, tying them in a double knot so they won't come untied and trip her up. "You can just give them back whenever you can." I add and she gives me a nod.

I step back into the house, and don't even bother Nikki.

I don't feel like putting up with his nasty attitude.

A few hours later, I hear the bedroom door open, and he's slowly coming into the living room, turning on the T.V. and flipping it to MTV.

"Vanity was here." I say to him, turning a page in my book, as more of a statement than a question and he just stares at the television. "I don't like when she's here while I'm not around. I always come home to you two coked out and fighting. It scares me." I tell him.

"I dont know why." He mumbles and I roll my jaw.

"Because when you freebase you always end up waving a gun around." I state. "I'd hate to be the woman married to the murderer of Vanity."

"If you knew the whole story you wouldn't care if she died or not." He scoffs to himself and I furrow my brows.

"Well, then, what's the whole story?" I ask, putting the book down and he sighs out, shaking his head a little.

"She just picks fights. She likes to pick fights with me." He says and I rub my lips together.

"Well, damn, Nikki, I do that. That doesn't mean you scream at her like you do to me." I take up for her and he rolls his eyes.

"Vivian, I'm not arguing with you so just shut up." He tells me, tiredly.

"Are you back on junk?" I ask next and he let's out a heavy breath.

"Vivian." He snaps, glaring at me. "Drop it."

"I take that as a 'yes'." I mumble.

"Why the hell do you not stop when I ask you to?" He asks me sharply.

"I'll stop picking at you when you want me to, when you stop the drugs when I ask you to."

"And this is why I liked you better a few years ago because you kept your fucking mouth shut unless I wanted it open." He stands up, walking away.

"Yes, because me keeping my mouth shut out of fear of my significant other was so much better than feeling comfortable enough to voice my concerns for you." I trail behind him as he steps to the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. "Nikki," I breathe out and he ignores me, causing me to cringe as he cracks open the beer bottle lid with his teeth, and before he can spit it in the floor, I'm plucking it from between his teeth. "I'm not trying to be a bitch or piss on your parade." I tell him, softly, throwing the lid away as he takes a swig of the beer, leaning against the counter. "I'm worried about you. Our friends are worried about you. Doc is worried about you."

"Doc's only worried about me because the office is on his back because I'm apart of the label's money train and if they lose me, they lose Mötley Crüe, and all the money we bring in." He states.

I feel bad, because it's true.

"I'm fine, Viv." He lies as he puts on a fake smirk that tries to tell me he has it under control, but it's really telling me he needs help...even if he doesn't realize he does.

He puts his beer on the counter beside him before pulling at my hand, tugging me to him, wrapping his arms around me and I hold him with my arms around his waist, looking up at him, trying not to gag because he smells like straight cocaine and sweat.

"I wanna write a song about you for the album." He tells me, his hand running through my hair.

"Are you being serious or deflecting from the fact I'm not very happy with you right now?" I ask, raising a brow.

"If I wanted to deflect anything I'd just bend you over and go to town." He shrugs and I cut my eyes at him.

He licks his lips before leaning down, but I put my hand over his mouth, stopping him from kissing me.

"After you get a shower and brush your teeth."

I'd hoped his spat with Vanity was the last for the day.

I shouldn't have thought that highly of him to only have one freebase session.

The house is pitch dark, not even the lamp in the living room is on.

Nikki must've cut it off when he went back to our bedroom.

I ended up falling asleep as he was taking a shower, and he didn't bother to wake me up when he was done.

I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, padding over the fluffy carpet of our living room after I get off the couch and stretch.

My hands carefully feel around to make sure I don't run into anything while my feet make slow, deliberate steps.

I get to the door of our room, that isn't locked, surprisingly, and I turn the door knob.

It lets out an eerie, growling "creak" as it opens and I smell bitter drugs and hear heavy, loud breathing coming from the closet, gasps escaping between each breath as Nikki scrambles around.

I can't see anything but the very faint glow of a small tea candle in the closet that he's using to see what he does, but I know he's in there.

I take one step into our room, and a wail of the deepest fear cracks through the air before a booming gun shot chases after it.

I'm hitting the floor as fast as I can, screaming as my ears ache from the noise as he just starts shooting repeatedly, and the house shakes, my only chance of protection is getting under the bed and I rush to get there, covering my ears as my spine paralyzes with fear and more shots fire out. I hear things in our house breaking and shattering from buckshot that flies through the open doorway as Nikki is shouting "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" with raw tears in his voice.

I keep a hand over my mouth to keep from crying too loud or else he'll open fire in this direction and keep his aim low.

I don't know if I'm hit or not, I'm scared to move around a little just to see, because he'll hear me shifting around on the carpet.

He thinks something is attacking him, he isn't thinking about it being me.

I wait for several minutes, trying not to breathe loud.

Thinking he's settled down, I shift from under the bed as quietly as I possibly can.

My ankle pops with my movement, and I immediately know I've fucked up the second he starts up again, and I feel the pressure of a smatter of shrapnel grip to my thigh and I fall on the ground, my instincts kicking in to get the hell away.

This time I crawl out of our room until I'm tucked behind the wall that leads to the living room then I'm standing and tripping over things in the floor to get to the phone in the living room, praying to God that Nikki doesn't get ballsy and get out of the closet to try to chase whatever he's hallucinating that I am, out of the house with more shots.

I'm turning on the lamp and dialing my emergency number before turning the lamp off and dragging myself to the christmas tree in the corner, holding the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" Fred croaks tiredly.

"Fred..." I whisper.

"Viv? Why the fuck are you whispering?"

"N-Nikki's got a gun." I say as calmly as I can, another "BOOM" zipping through the house and I put my hand over my mouth to keep myself from screaming.

"Vivian, what the hell is going on?!" I can tell the sound of a gun has woken him up as panic fills his voice.

"He's got a gun, he's hallucinating, I got hit with some buckshot but I don't know how much." I very quietly say. "Don't call the cops. He'll get in trouble." I add, taking deep breaths as the pain starts to set in.

"Viv, I'm coming, alright? I'm coming, get somewhere and get still. I'm coming." He promises.

"Please, hurry, Fred, I'm scared." I plead under my breath, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm coming, I promise. I'm hurrying. I promise." He hangs up and a wave of quiet sobs rocks through my body, my eyes squeezing closed as I beg God to let Nikki come down.

I just got a sprinkling of metal pellets from the shell that the majority missed me, and it was in the side of my thigh, but I felt like satan had dug his nails into my leg, down to the bone.

By the time Fred's unlocking our door, and switching on the light, a angry look on his face as he has his pistol out, he heads to our bedroom before coming to me.

"He's out cold." He tells me, turning on the other light over the living room. "Holy fuck, Viv." He says and I look down at my thigh, fear gripping at my heart and I start crying.

My skin is torn to shreds, deep, black tails of metal are deep in my flesh and I'm bleeding everywhere.

"Alright, we gotta get you to the hospital." He tells me, scooping me up and my heart pounds.

"Is Nikki gonna be in trouble?" I ask him frantically, starting to get more and more worked up.

"We don't have to tell them how this happened, Vivian. You probably need fucking surgery to get that shit out of you or you're fucked. You don't have a choice." He states, carrying me out to his car.

Turns out buckshot is more brutal than I expected. I was rushed into surgery while Fred contacted Doc, and he got ahold of the guys before going to see notify Nikki he had shot his fucking wife.

Once I was finally out of surgery, they were pumping me full of morphine to ease the pain of my shredded thigh because they had to cut into more of me to dig around to get all the metal out.

"I want a divorce." I mumble to the sound of Doc and Fred talking quietly amongst themselves, as I come to, but keep my eyes shut.

"How're you feeling?" Doc asks me and I force my eyes open, squinting through my sleep.

"My husband just tried to fucking kill me. I'm not okay." I grumble, trying to sit up in the bed, expecting to feel the pain I felt before surgery from my thigh, but I don't feel anything.

I barely feel my emotions. "Am I drugged?" I ask them tiredly, glancing up at the IV drip they have me on.

Fred and Doc don't say anything, just observing my experience with the first strong drug I've been in contact with.

I lean back, actually relieved that I truly don't give a shit about anything right now.

"I get it, now." I scoff, closing my eyes.

"Vivian--"

"Did I hear Duff, earlier?" I cut Doc short. "Or was I dreaming?"

I recall hearing Duff slurring "where's he fucking at? I'll fucking kill the motherfucker? Where's he fucking at?" but can't decide if I was dreaming or if he was actually here at some point.

"He's in the waiting room with Steven and Slash." Doc informs me. "We had to get him calmed down before he got himself kicked out."

"He wants to kick Sixx's ass." Fred informs me and I smile a little to myself.

"I wanna kick Sixx's ass, too." I agree. "Go get them. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep again and I wanna see them before I go."

"Alright." Fred stands up and steps out of the room.

"The bullshit has got to stop, Doc." I tell him, hoarsely. "The heroin. The coke. The alcohol. All of it. I'm getting tired of fighting." I admit and he let's out a breath.

"I know, Viv."

"I'm so tired."

"When we get you out of here, I'll talk to him."

"Does he know where I'm at?"

"I tried to wake him up and tell him but he was too doped on smack." He explains.

"He told me he wasn't on smack anymore." I say, finding it weird that I know I feel sad, but unable to feel the weight behind the emotion.

Before he can reply, the knocking on the door signals Duff's arrival as he slowly opens it.

"Hey!" I greet him as cheerfully as I can, my eyes barely able to keep open.

"Hey, Viv." He tries to play off his feelings but I can tell he's been worried. "Uh, Slash and Steven had to head home but they're coming later on." He adds. "No, it's okay, you're here. That's all I cared about." My cold hand reaches out for his hand and he's taking it.

"I'll leave you two alone for a little." Doc tells us. "I'll see if I can reach Tommy and Vince, now."

He leaves us alone and Duff's rubbing his lips together.

"You've been drinking." I say with lack of filter.

"Yeah, I was out partying." He tries to play it off with a smile.

"I was, too." I reply, grinning lazily and he let's out a soft breath. "Oh, come on, if I can't joke about getting shot, I'll cry and I'm tired of crying so just humor me."

"I think I've been humoring you the past year, Vivian. Every time you've sworn he was gonna change." He says a little more seriously.

"He didn't mean to do this, Duff. He didn't. He gets high, and he gets scared, and he thinks something's after him."

"Fred told me if you would have been hit with the brunt of the shot, your leg would have been useless, Viv."

"But I didn't." I argue softly, a tear trailing down my cheek. "God keeps me safe."

"I don't think God wants you staying in a relationship with someone who fucking puts the life he gave you, in danger." He states.

"Do you even believe in God?" I completely belittle what he just said. "Because if not, it's in your best interest not to speak on His behalf." I finish.

"How the fuck are you so argumentative when you're on morphine?" He asks, managing to bury the argument that was brewing.

"I don't fucking know I'm just tired." I let out.

"I can go, I just needed to see you were--"

"--Can you sleep with me?" I ask him out of nowhere.

"I don't want to piss anybody off." He tells me, but I know he really means, "I don't want to risk Nikki finding out and getting the wrong idea."

"My ass is hanging out of this gown, thigh looks like a fucking piranha got a hold of it, and I've had to use the bathroom in front of a nurse so she can monitor the consistency of my shit. I feel violated in every sense. I don't give a fuck what people think of my best friend sleeping in the bed with me for comfort's sake."

"Scoot over." He says, and I gently move the best I can to make room for him.

He gets in next to me, lifting his arm to rest above his head so I can lay beside him comfortably, and before long, his soft snoring brings a peaceful blanket of serenity and wraps it around me as I give into the drugs in my system pulling me into a sleep so I can help myself heal.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Five

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Four

View chapter on wattpad here

Word Count: 4k

A/N: Happy birthday to Nikki Sixx who is aging like wine. I'm so proud of how far he has come and here's to another 61 years and an eternity more🖤

Warning(s): Explicit language, Mentions of drug abuse, Abuse

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"Alright, assholes, shut up and listen for two minutes." Doc tells us in the airport we wait in line at customs. "We're gonna be here in Japan for a week. Japan is not like it is back home. You can't act like you don't have any sense. They will lock your asses up in a heart beat. Do you understand?" He warns Tommy, Nikki, Vince and Mick. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Daddy." Nikki sarcastically lets out, smacking his gum.

"Hey, wise ass, I don't need your comments, alright? I'm being serious, guys." Doc tells them.

"We got it, Doc. You don't have to worry about anything, bud." Tommy assures him, sincerely.

It was our first time in Japan and I've got to say, it's personally my favorite place ever.

The fans were extremely polite, and all of them had enthusiastic, wide smiles...my favorite part was that the girls actually respected the fact that Nikki's wife was with him, and didn't try to screw him in front of me like audacious rats in other places tried to.

They would just smile shyly and introduce themselves to us, and then get a picture with the guys.

If I had a dime for every time Fred has had to keep me from assaulting someone for grabbing Nikki's crotch in front of me, trying to shove their tongues down his throat, give them hotel room numbers to meet them in, etc. I would have been rich enough to afford Nikki's $3,500 a day on heroin.

Groupies were insane.

And I don't mean I saw these girls attempt this stuff from a distance.

I mean, I'd be standing right next to him, the girls would introduce themselves to me, then go on to grope Nikki before he could say a word about how it was nice to meet them.

In the midst of trying to get me on the ground before I could throw a punch, the girls would run off, and Nikki would always say "sorry, babe" and mean it.

He stopped apologizing when he stopped caring.

"...And we need blow." Tommy says to Sparkie, who's about to go on the hunt for a drug dealer in town for the guys, and I roll my eyes.

"Doc told you guys to behave because they don't tolerate bull crap here." I remind him and he and Sparkie look at me, and Nikki's grabbing at my waist and pulling me to sit on his leg before taking a swig of Jack, his striped outfit and bright, over the top makeup is the complete opposite of their Shout at the Devil era.

"What Doc doesn't know won't hurt him, Viv." Tommy says it like it's common sense. "Hey, Vinny, what do you want from a dealer?" Tommy asks him, a sharpness to his voice, and Nikki laughs.

I don't find their bullshit funny.

Vince just rolls his eyes and drinks his water with no reply.

Vince was on court mandated sobriety. And was being tortured by Nikki and even Tommy. They would offer him things they knew he couldn't have and then would play it off like they forgot.

They would have him pass them their drugs, pour them their drinks and count out how many pills they had left.

It ticked me off seeing Tommy go that fucking low all because he and Nikki were so close.

He even started being a little disrespectful to me whenever Nikki was.

Nikki's leg is shaking a little, despite him throwing back alcohol and I look over my shoulder at him.

"Are you okay?" I mouth so the others won't hear it, and Nikki nods, but I know he's full of it.

"On in five, guys, c'mon!" Doc calls out from the other side of the door and I pat Nikki's other leg and stand up, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

We step out and head to the stage, and Nikki's turning to give me one last kiss before going on.

When he pulls away, my hands are quickly taking my crucifix off and reaching up to fasten it around his neck and it ironically overlaps with his pentagram necklace.

"For good luck." I explain and he gives me a little closed mouth smile and gives me a quick peck on the lips before following Tommy, Vince and Mick.

By the time they got off stage, Nikki was growing pale, and sweating, and not just because he was running around on stage.

Nikki had gone over 48 hours without heroin. Alcohol could keep his tremors to mere, barely noticeable shakes, but didn't do very much for his sweating and sickness.

The guys didn't know he was that deep into heroin, yet, so he didn't want to tell them it was making him that ill without it or they would realize he was further down the hole than they expected.

So, what did I do? I covered for him.

"He thinks he might have food poisoning." I explain to Tommy and Vince as they stand outside of mine and Nikki's room.

"Well, is he alright?" Tommy asks me.

"He'll be okay. He just doesn't feel like going out." I assure him.

"Alright, we gotta go." Vince nudges him.

"Tell him I hope he feels better." Tommy says.

"I will. You guys be careful."

"We will, goodnight."

"Goodnight." I reply and shut the door, hearing Nikki groaning in the bathroom.

The door's locked, and I sigh out in frustration.

"Nikki, open the door." I tell him calmly.

"Fuck off, Viv." He tells me for the hundredth time tonight.

"Open the door or I'm telling Doc." I threaten him, even though it's a complete lie.

"Tell him I want a divorce while you're at it." He snaps.

I don't say anything for a moment, and hear him sigh out, before he unlocks the door.

I step in, seeing him soaked in sweat, pale, the smell of vomit is potent and I try to keep a calm demeanor as he grips the side of the tub to help himself stand up.

He nearly falls, tremors spazzing through his body, but I'm quick to nestle under his arm and help him stay up.

"I just need some Jack." He tells me. "It'll help."

He doesn't sound like Nikki.

He sounds like a defeated child.

"Nikki, I don't think—"

"Okay, Viv, now isn't the time for your bullshit. Get me some Jack." He orders desperately, nearly pleading.

I get him on the bed, starting to tug his boots off, before pulling his shirt over his head, and unbuckling his belt.

"Never thought...I'd ever say this...but the last thing...on my mind right...now is...fucking around." He takes heavy breaths, squeezing his eyes closed and groaning when I get his pants off.

"Yes, because seeing my husband in so much pain really turns me on." I sarcastically let out.

"I'm cold." He tells me, his hand gripping mine.

I pull the bed covers over his naked body, glancing at my necklace he's still wearing.

"I'll get you some Jack." I say, stepping to the phone on the bedside table and ordering his necessity.

I turn back to face him once I'm done, and he's curled up and shivering, and he's kicked the blankets off of him.

"Nikki?" I ask, furrowing my brows.

"I'm hot." He cracks out, shot eyes looking at me, teeth chattering together despite his tight jaw and wet, black hair clings to his soaked skin that seems to be turning transparent.

That moment I realized I was married to a junkie, and Nikki realized he had become the very thing he had been in denial of becoming.

Neither of us said a word to one another about our revelations.

The alcohol and pills they managed to score kept Nikki's roaring withdrawals at bay and allowed him to play his illness off as the flu throughout the rest of the Japan tour, and the second we got home, he was phoning every dealer he could get a hold of.

One I had never met before, Jason, was the first one to come to his aid and it didn't take me long to come to the conclusion I would inevitably have to kill that motherfucker to keep him away from my husband.

He just wanted our money, laying out an elaborate display of everything from cheap tar to clean China White, cocaine, and a pharmacy of prescription pills.

I always left to "go to the store" anytime Jason came over.

Once I was practically having a full on emotional affair, I would go find Duff but before any feelings for him emerged, I would just drive my car around the corner of the street going by the house, pull into the driveway of a half-way burnt down house, and cry.

My husband, my Nikki, was destroying himself from the inside out, and the more I tried to do help him get better, the worse he got.

Every time I prayed for him, his demons would hold tighter to his legs and keep him shackled in place with a needle and lies that weighed him down and made him feel the need to do the only thing that made him happy, even if only temporarily.

By the end of '87, I was exhausted. I had been screaming, crying, pleading, for years for someone to do something, for someone to threaten the band, threaten them individually, get them off the road, at least try to start a conversation addressing their obvious addictions...

But they were making everyone above them money. That's all that mattered.

I was screaming into a void, and nobody could hear me. Well, they could...they were just ignoring me which was even worse.

I don't know how the hell I managed to face the same thing with Duff and his band years later.

I step into the house once Jason is gone, seeing Nikki by the fireplace, laying on the carpet, and I go to lay beside him.

We've been back from Japan a few days, and they're suppose to be preparing for their U.S. tour starting in a couple weeks.

Nikki's been in heroin land ever since we have gotten home.

And I've been in my own personal hell, being that I just added a third picture to my dead baby drawer as of yesterday.

I would go to a doctor to see if there's something wrong with me to prompt not ever making it past week twelve, but Nikki would find out somehow, someway. I've already risked enough as it is by going to the obstetrician.

"Babe," I nudge him and he opens his eyes just enough to show his pinpointed pupils, and he hums a little. "I gotta go get Tansy from the airport."

"Mmkay." He mumbles, and I force myself not to cry, remembering how miserable he was in Japan, and now we've gotten back and he's back to square one.

Was it really square one if he never wanted to move to square two in the first place?

Tansy gets into my car, wearing what I'm assuming she wore when they taped her interview with David Letterman hours ago, while a security guard puts her stuff in the trunk.

"Well." I say, looking at her as she lays her head against the back of her seat and looks at me from behind her sunglasses. "How did the interview go?" I ask and she tugs off her heels.

"I don't know." She tells me and I furrow my brows. "The bits and pieces I remember were great." She sounds like she's about to cry.

"Were you...?" I trail off and she moves her fingers under the blacked out lenses and sniffles. "Babe, it's not anything to cry about."

I grab at her hand as she starts crying even more.

"I bombed it, Viv." She says with certainty.

"Tansy, if you don't even remember it, how do you know for sure you did a bad job?"

"You know how I act when I'm fucked up."

"I also know, by the grace of God, somehow, someway, you manage to differentiate between a setting you need to be more composed in, and a setting you can be wild in. Even when you are stoned out of your mind. I have seen you do it." I assure her. "It's really freaking creepy."

My comment has her chuckling a little and she wipes at her tears again.

"It will be okay. I am sure you did great. And if you didn't you can just do what I do when I'm not acting normal and blame it on Mötley Crüe."

None of us, not even Tansy herself, knew why or how she scored an interview with David Letterman, but we were all proud of her nonetheless, even if she couldn't remember much of it.

"Sparkie said Japan went good." Tansy says after we're driving for a couple minutes.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for letting him go. I know you aren't the biggest fan of him." She adds.

"I didn't let him go. The guys insisted he went because they needed someone to find them drugs." I state.

"Point is, he went. And he had fun. So thank you." She replies.

"I only tolerate him because I love you." I tell her.

"I know, and I—" she presses a quick kiss to the back of my hand. "—love you, too."

I rub my lips together and get an idea.

"Would you be up for a girl's night?" I ask.

"What do you have in mind?" She asks and I raise my brows.

In hindsight, it was probably a bad decision to introduce Tansy to Guns N' Roses while she was still addicted to drugs and alcohol, because all it did was create toxic friendships that thrived on the struggles of everyone involved.

Tansy was very easily influenced by other people, but I figured if she had survived that long being friends with Nikki, Tommy and Vince, she would be just fine around Duff, Axl, Izzy, Steven and Slash.

Tansy and I make our way through the crowd, hand in hand, lacing through people and eager groupies.

She's heard me talk about them every now and then but now she has the opportunity to see what the hype is about.

The Troubadour is packed out, and a sense of pride swells in my chest.

"They must be good." Tansy comments, glancing around.

Normally at least one person would have already asked for her autograph or a picture of her, but everyone is too distracted by the anticipation of the band that's been tearing up and down the strip ever since Nikki, Tommy, Vince and Mick set the bar so high.

They're not even onstage yet, before all lights in the place shut down, and Axl let's out one of his infamous screams that somehow mimics a melodic siren.

The crowd goes quiet for a split second before realizing it's him, then they start screaming, clapping, stomping their feet.

The lights come back on to reveal Axl, Duff, Izzy, Slash and Steven, picking up into the fast paced rhythm of "Anything Goes."

With teased hair, heavy glam-rock influenced outfits and makeup, mixed with their sound, it's safe to say there isn't one dry vagina around...including Tansy, who's eyes don't leave the singing red head for the rest of the night.

Back stage is crowded, but Tansy and I manage to be the first females in their dressing room by the time their set is completely finished.

She's already broken into their Jack and Vodka stash, guzzling from both bottles simultaneously, and I look at her like she's crazy because I know it's got to hurt her throat.

"What?" She asks me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"You are a crazy person." I state just as the door opens, revealing Slash and Steven first, girls under each arm.

"Hey, Viv!" Steven pipes, smiling widely and Slash looks confused for a moment before realizing the blur standing before him is indeed Vivian.

"Hey, Viv." He repeats what Steven said.

Steven does a double-take really quick, seeing Tansy, his hand patting at Slash as he stands, starstruck. It's a domino effect.

First Steven, second Slash, third Duff, then Izzy and lastly, Axl.

Except Steven, Slash, Duff and Axl are frozen because Tansy Lyn is standing before them. I'm sure Izzy appreciates her beauty and participation in Playboy for the last four years, but he's more worried about her breaking into their alcohol.

"Man, that's Tansy Lyn." Steven states.

"Drinking our booze." Izzy adds and Tansy guiltily puts it back where she got it, smiling.

"Hi." She says to them, and they immediately pretend they weren't just remembering what her naked body looks like.

Steven, as always, is the first to make himself known to a beautiful girl, extending his hand to her.

"I'm Steven." He tells her.

Slash is shyly hiding behind his curly hair the best he can as Steven puts an arm around him.

"This is Slash." He adds.

"The grubby fingered alcoholic is Izzy." I tell her as he lights a cigarette.

"Read this grubby finger, Viv." Izzy states blankly, flipping me off and I hold back a laugh.

"I'm Duff." Duff introduces himself next, and Tansy has to look up so high, her head is tipped completely back before shaking his hand.

Axl doesn't introduce himself, he just stands and stares at her for a moment, black sunglasses blocking our eyes from his.

"Axl." Is all he says before grabbing the bottle of Jack, grabbing one of the girls Steven and Slash walked in with, and leaving.

"He's not an asshole seventy-five percent of the time." I try to defend him against her as she looks like her feelings have been hurt slightly.

"But when he is an asshole, just avoid him for a few hours and stay out of his way." Duff scoffs out, grabbing the bottle of vodka.

They all knew that piece of advice too well.

Not entirely sure how we ended up back at mine and Nikki's house, but Nikki wasn't home, and probably wasn't going to be home until early morning, so Duff, Steven and Tansy were all in my house.

"If you break a mirror, you buy it!" I call out to Steven and Tansy as Duff and I have our legs dangling in the pool water, hearing something breaking inside the house through the open french doors that lead into the kitchen.

Duff blows smoke out of his nose, laughing at Tansy and Steven calling back, "We didn't!"

"Jesus." I mumble, grinning to myself and Duff joins in with me, laughing harder at me as "Get Down Tonight" starts blaring through the speakers in the house.

Tansy has officially met her match.

"I'm glad they get along." Duff says smoothly.

"They both like weed and the same music taste. Seems like a beautiful friendship to me." I shrug and he smiles.

There's a pause in the air, and he keeps looking at me.

"What?"

"There's dancing trophies in your house." He tells me and I raise my brows, remembering the day Nikki had demanded my hard earned proof of years dedicated to such a difficult art form, be put on display on a shelf right next to his awards for Gold and Platinum records.

"Yeah? I told you I use to be a dancer." I reply.

"I thought you meant you were a stripper." He confesses and I widen my eyes, elbowing him gently.

"No!"

"Well, I'm sorry! You're married to a rock guy, you said you use to be a dancer, rockers and strippers go hand-in-hand. It's, like, written in stone or whatever." He tells me.

"Oh my gosh, Duff." I rub my face and he finishes his cigarette before pulling out another one.

"So, why don't you do it anymore?" He asks and I think for a second and lick my lips.

"It just wasn't really..." I trail off and he furrows his brows. "...I guess after over a decade of dancing, after graduating, it just wasn't my thing anymore. I just moved onto bigger and better stuff."

"What's your thing now, then?" It's obvious he doesn't buy my explanation.

"Being Nikki Sixx's wife." I admit and an odd silence falls over us.

"You gave up school--Julliard--and dance, only to be known as somebody's wife?"

"Well, damn, Duff, when you say it like that..." I try not to be hurt because I know he doesn't mean any ill will from it and he immediately starts apologizing.

"I didn't mean it like that." He tells me. "It's just a waste of talent if you never utilize it anymore. You can't just be dependent on being Nikki's wife, Viv. You need your own thing."

I wanted to tell him I couldn't afford to be anything but Nikki's wife, or else I'd lose everything.

Nikki's home sooner than I expect as I get ready for bed.

Steven, Tansy and Duff are all asleep on the living room floor, and Nikki comes into our bathroom to splash water on his face.

"The fuck is in our house?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

"Why're you home this early?"

"Jason's coming over." He tells me. "And he's bringing his girlfriend."

"Umm, baby, it would be nice for my friends not to wake up and be met with a drug dealer naming off poisons like an auctioneer."

"Tell them to fuck off." He mumbles, digging through his pockets of the clothes he was wearing yesterday. "Have you seen the check?" He asks me and I raise my brows.

"The check from the label for the Japan tour?" I ask and he nods. "You asked me to cash it yesterday and I did."

"Okay, so where did you put it?"

I step to my top drawer and hand him the stack of cash and he starts thumbing through it, his brows furrowing when he stops halfway through.

"The check was for $150,000, Viv. Where's the rest?" He snaps and I cross my arms.

"You said put 20% in savings and told me I could give 10% to tithes." I remind him, and he looks like he is going to murder me.

"You gave fifteen fucking thousand dollars to a church?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!" He seeths, his face twisting angrily.

"You told me I could Nikki." I try not to get upset. "I asked you and you said—"

"—I said 'yes' because I was fucked up and wasn't thinking, Viv!" He yells, throwing the pile of cash across the room, causing bills to fly everywhere. "And that's exactly why you waited until you knew I couldn't pay attention to care enough about what you were saying because you knew I would laugh in your face if I were sober!" He accuses me.

"Is it so bad if your money goes to something other than drugs?" I stupidly ask him.

He's lunging at me, grabbing my wrists, and pinning me to the bed while screaming in my face.

"That's my fucking money! Mine! How I want to spend it is my fucking business, Vivian!" He shakes me, and I can no longer hold back tears. "You're gonna go tomorrow to that fucking shit hole and tell those fallacious bastards you need that $15,000 back!"

"Nikki, I already told them it was their's." I try to explain, shaking my head a little, sobbing so thickly I'm not even sure he can understand me.

"You'll get my fucking money back or I'll give you something to fucking whine about." He threatens darkly.

He shoves himself off of me and storms out of the house, slamming the front door.

I go to make sure he didn't wake Tans, Stevie, or Duff up, but to my horror, Tansy and Steven are sound asleep while I hear the door slam a second time and realize Duff followed Nikki out.

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #vince neil #mötley crüe #the dirt

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