#no i don't care if you're offended
Text
Holy forking shirtballs
I'm choosing violence today. I started this on Twitter, but I'm going to finish my thoughts here like I always do.
But what really blows my mind the most is the way that people look at Aziraphale's "choice" at the end, as if he had one to fucking begin with.
I'm sorry, but Aziraphale knows how messed up Heaven is. He told The Metatron, more than once, that he did not want to go back to Heaven! We can debate what each of us means by "choice" all night because my "choice" and your "choice" might be two different concepts. He could have been strong armed by The Metatron or he could have looked at where things were headed and realized he had no choice but to intervene himself.
You need to ask yourself what Aziraphale has a moral imperative to do.
What do we owe to each other?
Seriously, if you have not watched The Good Place, I recommend you go and watch it, because it absolutely shaped how I've viewed Good Omens 2 since its release.
My levels of frustration with the bad faith mischaracterizations of Aziraphale are off the charts. If you are blaming him for everything, implying that he should have to grovel and that Crowley has a right to hurt him back, you have missed the point of Good Omens entirely.
I defend Aziraphale, but I don't think one of them is more right or wrong than the other. They're equals. They're a group of the two of them, acting and reacting to each other throughout history. They're Alpha Centauri.
I cannot even begin to explain how fucking devastated I felt when Crowley said these words, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. What he said took a lot of courage because he's finally admitting something they've both been too scared to publicly define for 6,000 years. Crowley has had to spend so long with a rough outer shell because he fell and had to hide all of his softness.
The look on his face was one of pure joy when he created that nebula, but I think the fact that he got to share that moment with Aziraphale is what has always stuck with him.
So yeah, seeing Crowley with a broken heart at the end of "Every Day" was sad for me as well.
My brain still lives here!!
But Neil has said that Good Omens 3 is not quiet, gentle, or romantic. I imagine it's going to be more like the the first season in which they are not central to the plot. GO2 will help us make sense of how they ended up where they are when we see the bigger picture with all the other major players involved with GO3.
Aziraphale was still a soldier and accidentally got himself discorporated in his own magic circle in season one. He had a platoon waiting on him to start Armageddon, and he deserted them to go save the world with Crowley instead. Aziraphale is a deserter. I need everyone to remember that. He yeeted himself out of Heaven and sought out Crowley before even locating a body just to warn him about what was happening so they could try to save the world together.
I can't help but think of 1941 and that magician who had been arrested for being a deserter.
Aziraphale disobeyed orders. That took courage but it branded him as a traitor against Heaven. They tried to destroy him for it the same way Hell tried to destroy Crowley for his part in stopping the war.
Aziraphale and Job are the only characters we have seen interacting with God directly. Aziraphale has spoken to God before and he is determined to do so again.
Aziraphale knows Heaven is flawed, but he also knows it's supposed to be good. He wants it to be good. He does not like the way the system works and he wants to make a difference. (And I'm pretty sure he's also determined to talk to God without being intercepted by The Metatron.)
Since when is that a bad thing? I don't get it. And I've had this discussion before.
If you need to change the system by burning the old one to the ground, it's still change, and we don't know what Aziraphale has planned.
It seems to me that people just want to see Aziraphale fail because it would punish him for returning to Heaven instead of running off with Crowley.
Some of y'all take everything Aziraphale says or does and twist those things into malicious anti-Crowley actions because you think the only reason Aziraphale exists is to make Crowley happy, and if he isn't thinking only about Crowley then he's doing something wrong.
Aziraphale does not exist as a plot device to further Crowley's character. They come as a pair. They've been learning from each other for 6,000 years. Crowley challenges Aziraphale just as much as Aziraphale challenges him.
You can be mad at Aziraphale all you want, but villainizing him is gross. Defending Crowley does not mean you have to tear down and mischaracterize Aziraphale anymore than defending Aziraphale means you have to tear down Crowley (but I don't see that happen on nearly the same level it happens to Aziraphale). Stop painting Aziraphale as an abusive partner, for fuck sake.
Aziraphale knows there are flaws in the system. He wants to make a difference, and since he has seen that Gabriel can change, then maybe the whole system can. He has to at least try, and if he can succeed then maybe he and Crowley can stop hiding and finally be together without having to look over their shoulders all the time.
Why is that a bad thing? He's just as protective of Crowley as Crowley is of him!
But don't forget that Aziraphale's wing was covering Adam and Eve too. As much as a wants to protect Crowley, he has a moral imperative to keep humanity safe as well.
He sent Adam and Eve into the unknown with a flaming sword so they could protect themselves.
As much as he wants to be with Crowley, there are 8 billion people on Earth heading toward the Second Coming and Judgment Day. They'll work together to fight alongside humanity in the end. Aziraphale should not have to humiliate himself just to earn Crowley's forgiveness. That's a rancid notion.
The Resurrectionist was a whole ass moral dilemma for Aziraphale, which is why I brought up The Good Place earlier, but that's a post for a different time.
Aziraphale has his own motivations and they're just as important as Crowley's, and they don't have to be chalked up to Aziraphale being the bad guy. Weird, I know, but shades of grey.
"To the world."
#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#crowley#aziraphale defense squad#yeah i'm being bitchy#no i don't care if you're offended#no i'm not interested in your aziraphale hate#i'm not interested in hearing takes about aziraphale being toxic from people who can't even be objective#some of y'all need to watch the good place because you need a lesson in moral philosophy#we should be able to have discussions about the characters without gross takes calling aziraphale abusive#az and crowley approach everything from wildly different perspectives because of where they are#just admit y'all shit on az because he doesn't look or act like crowley#I'm so done with the shitty aziraphale takes#they aren't even interesting enough to debate#they're just annoying
482 notes
·
View notes
Text
#madness combat#madcom oc#my oc#atp soldat#the soldat in the dark (tm) actually cares about his bro#a lot#but he just can't get sad when he warned him about this shit nonstop#no id#The bitten guy just acts too friendly because his program made him too altruistuc and kind#Which sometimes helps since he is one who recruits workers#Well#Probably it's more benefitial most of the time#But he gets in shit like “oh i just wanted to help civilian get out from dangerous location and they stabbed me :(((”#And he ain't bullied for it by anyone but his bro. He is too... Kinda. Uh. Hard to bully guy who is most safest option to talk with auditor#And not die lol. It also doesn't help that he is guy who knows all of the AAHW by names and will kick you hard for bullying anyone#So bullying him is a privilege of some atp soldats#not an option :D#Other soldat here is just walking anger issues and he got no friends other than his bro. Constantly lashes at anyone. The Bitten™ included#So they're got that dynamic of angry antisocial cynical guy and pessimist & optimistic kind dude (well#(well he got a lot of mental issues too#But doesn't show it and never let it hurt others.)#And he is much older than the pessimist :'D#Pessimist guy is very young actually. But just experienced shit nonstop from birthday and lost very much everyone he cared about#And the second one... just atp soldat with no past. never known any other thing than work in AAHW and orders. Easy to manipulate#He also gets “You're not a real person” a lot for it. And constanly offended by it. But it's a problem of all yellow bloods here#Especially him#since he litterally didn't had a life outside from aahw. Also don't think he wouldn't kick his friends hard for orders.#Kill even. He is a dog for orders first#Kind guy with good morals is only second
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
The easiest ways I lose respect for someone when I hear them say:
I'm a dog person and I hate cats.
Frodo sucks and sam is the 'true hero' and 'Tolkien said sam was the' true hero' and 'Frodo wouldn't have made it without Sam so Sam is the' true hero' of LotR.
I love Sasuke but I hate itachi.
I love Itachi but I hate Sasuke.
I hate both Itachi and Sasuke.
#in my territory all of these phrases are forbidden#you can love dogs but suffixing your hate for cats after your proclamation of love towards dogs doesn't make you look cute#tolkien didn't say sam was the main character/true hero#stop misquoting him to feed your own bias#both itachi and sasuke are the worst victims of konoha and if you view only one of them as it and disregard the other you don't GET it#the hate i see on this platform for itachi is UNREAL#can y'all just stop pretending a traumatized 13 y/o miscalculating and living with the guilt is less of a punishment?#if you're offended with this I was talking about you most definitely#i'm unlikeliest to befriend people who fall into either of the above mentioned categories#cats#frodo baggins#lotr frodo#frodo#itachi#sasuke#maybe a few hot takes?#who cares
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway
#like whether or not something's bad isn't determined by whether or not it adheres to arbitrary rules people made up and never obey#i thought we all knew that already. c'mon man. get a grip#obviously war crimes are bad but that's not where the badness potential ends y'know#this post is due to my dad talking about smth i sent him mentioning US troops firing on a bunch of guys in smth on deserters and he was lik#well they're not like citizens or refugees or deserters they're retreating enemy combattants. so it's different.#it IS different but isn't it still like. overly brutal? idk.#like would you want them to pursue Your ppl regardless? are they not allowed mercy just because you proved stronger? your positions could#be swapped easily and you'd think that as fellow combattants you would feel that deeply. idk maybe i'm just too soft or whatever but like.#seems stupid to me. war generally seems stupid to me but this specifically right now seems stupid to me#yes i know there are practical concerns and sacrifices in combat that make sense when you're actually there and me saying there should be n#wars and we should make it a fucking priority to not have wars doesn't mean ppl already in a decision-making role in the field should do#what i (an idealist) would do. they're responsible for minimizing loss and shit. whatever. doesn't mean it's not fucked up anyway.#and that's assuming the best case scenario for a leader in such a position. usually they just want to minimize Their side's losses. usually#by maximizing the other side's. or they just want to win and will sacrifice anyone for it if it's practical#which happens a Lot. usually it's a mix of the latter two to my understanding#as if americans' lives matter more than anyone else's and the other side doesn't have a right to mourn bc they offended us somehow#ugh that shit irks me so bad dude. there'll be like a terrorist attack in europe or smth and the news'll be like#ONE AMERICAN WAS KILLED. and twenty swiss. THE AMERICAN WAS VISITING FAMILY THERE ON SUNDAY MORNING WHEN TRAGEDY STRUCK etc etc#fucking hate that. i don't care if they're on 'my team' or whatever they're all equally human and equally dead#why the hell should i care if one of them was an american. just say 21 people died. like i get reporting on it briefly ig to like notify#ppl At Best but like. it's so grating. why can't you be normal about other people fucking goddamn you#why is this a controversial statement. why is giving a shit about people killing each other (often for like 10 ppl's financial gain) wrong#like. come on. i don't care if they 'deserve it' or whatever because i don't think they do. and even if they Did i don't think it's#America's Time To Step Up!!! every time smth like this happens (but only when it is financially beneficial to us to do so#such that we ignore atrocities all the fucking time bc it's inconvenient. we're not superheros. we're cops.)#not saying america shouldn't do anything bc like. idk. you screw everyone over to have all the power maybe you should use that influence fo#good. but my definition of 'good' is wayyyy way different from everybody who's ever held office here apparently so like. nuts to that#eugh. anyway im cutting myself off here rant over. for now
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been wondering about something for a little bit so fuck it I'm making a 24hr poll about it. Lets start with the context... I will put examples of what I mean under the poll if you need them.
SO
Imagine, you find a fic on Ao3. It's caught your eye as you scroll and you take the time to look over its information. You like the look of the summary, it's got your favourite characters in the spotlight, and a lot of the tagged descriptors look interesting to you. This looks like something you would like to read.
However, you recognise a few character names from the Tales from the Pizzaplex books in the tags, or perhaps, you know from following the author that they have most likely put some stuff they found cool from the books into this fic. They say in the fic tags that there's some book stuff that they've made their own in it, and they have clearly tagged a few of the Security Breach/Ruin characters as being the primary protagonists. The summary also doesn't mention any obvious book stuff or theory stuff either. You can tell this is not about the FNaF lore or theorising or anything too. Aside from that, all you truly know is that it looks interesting, has your blorbos in it and that the book animatronics are not the main focus of the AU fic.
With this in mind...
A few examples of animatronics that could be in the fic: Zeus the Sea Dragon, Tiger Rock, the Bobbiedots.
A few examples of concepts that could be in the fic: The 'sewer' of retired animatronics, an entire line of Mimic animatronics in at least one pizzeria, there having been a large range of discontinued attractions/animatronics at the pizzaplex before Security Breach.
Just to be clear, in case you're wondering, these results will not effect whether I do something with book stuf in it or not. I'm just curious.
Putting this in the main SB and book tags for a larger sample size. You can also reblog if you so desire, but I'm not pushing anyone for it. Literally just curious where people are on this
#fnaf security breach#tales from the pizzaplex#five nights at freddy's: security breach#fnaf sb#fnaf books#I don't actually know the tags for this stuff whoops#And if you're worried...#the worst a resounding 'no' will do is make me a bit self conscious about book stuff#but it won't STOP me#I'm of the 'FUCK IT WE BALL' and 'MY BLOG MY FUN' mindset#so ehh I don't really care.#I'm just really curious about it#so feel free to tell me!!#the books are... pretty awful in my opinion so its not like I'll be offended#I just personally like some of the character concepts and the implications some things would have on MY stories#and the waterpark animatronics are COOL okay? those are the ones I'll defend to the grave.#COOL GUYS OF ALL TIME TO ME SPECIFICALLY#my feelings on the resolution aside#very VERY cool guys in a story that's not that bad in the context of the series lmao
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Soooo i just got a pretty random message (crossed out their name because I don't want anyone bothering this person)
I...don't understand why you would send this to me? Or anyone, really. Of course I don't know anything about you, I literally spoke to you one time before this a few weeks back. You don't know anything about me or any of the other artists you're vagueing about either. And then you just block me so I can't even ask you what you're on about or make it right.
You politely asked if I could do a drawing request for you, and I politely declined, and that should have been the end of it. But no, that makes me "not cool" now I guess (because my almost 30yo ass cares whether some rando on tumblr thinks I'm cool /s). Sorry I don't do free art for strangers? A lot of artists don't.
I am just...so baffled as to what this could be about. This just came right the fuck out of nowhere, why did they wait literal weeks to decide they suddenly needed me to know that they don't like me anymore? So weird.
Either way, I hope things get better for you random person I've only spoken to twice now.
#i don't really care that much but I'm just confused#I've always been an advocate of ''if you don't like what I make then just block me''#but you're supposed to do that quietly without letting the offending artists know#also I get the feeling this has nothing to do with the content of my art at all and is probably something more personal on their end#something tells me they're probably pretty young and don't really know how to interact with people online#mel murmurs
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm to the point in my internet grumpiness where I'm gonna start unfollowing people who can't tag like, anything. I know I'm very annoying and post a lotta shit nobody cares about but I tag it for my own blog organization and so people don't have to see it if they don't want to. I'm just so old I consider it a common courtesy to tag stuff (don't you wanna potentially be able to find it later???) and I just don't wanna deal with floods of that hotel show all over the place. I have nothing against it but it's just Homestuck 2 to me and I am not interested. And nobody I follow who likes it can seem to ever tag it at all 🫠
#maybe I'm being rude but like#I try so hard to always tag stuff#and then other people just don't care#and btw I'm not offended if someone unfollows me bc I post stuff they don't like. I don't care! you're allowed!#it's not hard to take 2 seconds to tag something#I even have in my bio if anyone needs anything tagged I'll happily do it#but. like. I have asked friends to tag stuff before and they've given me shit about it#so I just have Anxiety over ever asking#every time I ask someone to avoid a topic around me or tag something or whatever#they've always made ME the unreasonable bad guy#it has happened like 4 fucking times to me whyyyyy
1 note
·
View note
Text
Before you send hate to a tumblr dot com blog featuring a fictional pairing, take a step back and think about the fact that none of these characters are real. If you're getting so triggered over something that doesn't even exist, it's time to reevaluate your mental state. Go out. Touch some air. Breathe some grass. Maybe eat it too. See what it tastes like. Might help get rid of that bitterness in your mouth.
#people seriously need to chill in this fandom#i literally could not care less about what is or isn't canon in a franchise that barely touches on romance#and the best they do is tease without any form of payoff#i also don't understand why people feel so threatened by what others ship or don't ship#does my shipping jill and leon affect you in any way??#highly doubt it#you can continue shipping what you ship and i will continue shipping what i ship#as if sending me hate will somehow make me go “you know what? you're absolutely right. i no longer like jill and leon romantically.”#“thanks for opening my eyes. :)))”#bruh#you can write me a whole essay about why jill and leon doesn't make sense to you romantically#and i will write you a whole essay about why it makes sense to me#there is something we call subjectiveness and personal preferences#it's a wild concept i know. but think about it maybe?#i will probably delete this later lol. i don't and will not respond to anon hate so anyone who sends it is wasting their breath essentially#i will block instantly#this is just a psa for the future#people who get offended over fictional pairings to the point they feel the need to send hate need therapy#actually i might even turn off anons to save myself unnecessary work
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
reading posts about people noticing things that you do being its own form of love, and then thinking that the thought of being perceived at all is actually terrifying to me because i cannot imagine a situation where that wouldn't be a criticism of my person. and the realization that this is not supposed to be the case is wild to me lmao.
#for context: i just saw a post that was about someone singing again while cooking after a period of depression#and their roommate being glad that there's singing once again and the place isn't silent anymore. and how this is a sign of people caring.#people enjoying your presence.#but i would feel HORRIFIED if someone told that to me.#because it is impossible for me to think that isn't a negative comment.#not necessarily because i think the other person would be mean-spirited. but because i genuinely don't see a lot of good in myself.#and i cannot possibly believe anyone would think things about me in a positive light because negatives are all that there is to think about#it's just a fact of life that i am annoying or whatever. none of us should make a big deal out of it. just leave me alone please.#this is also why i don't really take compliments. i am Averse to people who keep complimenting me.#i've been flirted on by excessive compliments and i'm like lmao you're only distancing yourself from your goal further and further#but like. i am learning that while this is such an ingrained part of my being since i was a child#maybe it's not normal to feel this way Actually.#you know i keep saying my sister has done irreparable damage to my psyche but the more i think about it the more true it becomes lmao#not that she's at fault alone. but like. she's probably the biggest offender.#anyway. there's a lot of things fundamental to my person that i'm starting to question only recently#and i don't know if there's any fixing other than like. forcibly removing all of the parts that i don't like.#because i don't think there's any convincing for me. i am pretty stubborn after all.#so we'll see how this develops. bleh.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
what i'm seeing after years of jgy/jc haters adding in their two cents unasked is that... none of those people have ever been dogpiled, or seen someone they care about get dogpiled, on social media
#because it's fucking scary#and it feels like you're back in primary school because objectively those people are stupid as fuck and they're talking nonsense#ie 'you're ugly and no one likes you'#but unfortunately there are hundreds of them. dragging out your old absolutely unrelated tweets to add stupid ass rude comments#you say 'god the weather is so gorgeous today! i love spring' and they qrt it with 'well spring hates you you fucking creep'#and once you get through something like this you're more careful in general. you don't want to offend anyone yes but primarily#you just don't want this situation to repeat. so you don't add canon tags to your rants and try to censor words that could have your post#appear in the search#but they just... don't do that! at all! no self-preservation instinct whatsoever! completely safe and confident in their objectively correc#opinion! and its just fucking baffling to me because when i see someone spouting bullshit i block them. because literally nothing will#come out of me trying to change their mind#granted if you block someone and they disagree they can send their buddies to harass you! no path is 100% safe and you are not#immune to badly socialized teenagers! but like. wow. i'm almost impressed i ALMOST admire you#shrimp thoughts
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's kind of mindboggling how much impact a dream during a poor night of sleep can have on the next day.
#In between pointless wanderings and never finished tasks in my dream came a respite#In the form of some Blackberry Bushes characters (at last!)#To (try to) make it shortish I apparently had an appointment with Declis#I was supposed to be helping him sort through some cards with black-and-white photos and images#We didn't get very far before Elystan showed up#He immediately started telling me about how careful he had to be with his digestion due to his weak constitution#And how hard it was to try to force himself to eat sometimes#But there was also a piece of lemon meringue pie that had been brought for him#And he said it would be a shame to waste it and he guessed he could make himself eat it#And then promptly demolished it except for the crust#He said when he was younger he would've made himself eat that too but how he's learned now not to push himself too hard#(AKA he didn't like the crust)#He had a perfectly suffering sort of air#(but note he didn't offer the one piece of pie to either myself or Declis)#And while I tried to make polite responses I thought to myself#a) you're not as sick as you pretend to be; kid#and b) I am here to work with Declis not talk to you but you're obviously begging for attention so I can't just ignore you#Declis meanwhile was ignoring him and only occasionally making minor comments about the cards as we sorted them#And at that point I have no idea if we're sorting out evidence of a crime or working on a puzzle mystery game#But I can't ask him because I don't want to offend him by trivializing important work or treating a game too seriously#(and I don't want to face his derision and scorn if I can't see for myself what must be obvious)#And I don't know enough to say if they even approached character#(I have a feeling not - Elystan seemed almost Eustaceish in a way though Eustace never pulled that trick)#But still it was very amusing when I woke up#And by all indications today should've been awful due to bad sleep alone#And while it was trying and there were a lot of unexpected challenges/difficulties I managed better than I expected#And I kept thinking about the ridiculousness of the scene and grinning internally#(granted this might be the sleep deprivation)#and it sounds odd but I think (and am thankful) that God knew I would need that dream because it's got to have been grace all today#*waves to anyone who made it this far*
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
i had a look at the Puss in Boots series after enjoying the 2nd movie and rewatching the first but woa fuck off i'm not dealing with 6 seasons of low quality render w/ lame side characters
#CGI series based on CGI movies are kinda huh. always bad.#dreamworks is a violent offender on that#like you're just recycling the models from the movie but you don't have the budget to make renders of a similar quality#or to really produce a lot of new assets#and it kinda shows my guys i'm sorry it does#not that you really care probably#anyway i don't know what i expected meme gif picture you know the one#it's fine im sure it was an entertaining series to some. i should be watching other things#shevr
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't know a single thing about Don Henley beyond "The Boys of Summer" (an iconic song) and his association with Stevie Nicks and I would like to know NO MORE than that, pretty much, but I just saw a post on Facebook where, in the liner notes of his album The End of Innocence, he apparently thanked Stan Lynch "for motivation and inspiration. It was husky." and I??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#I assume that's some kind of inside joke between them but...what the fuck. LMAO#I just can't help thinking..............well. Thinking. 😂#might look into Stan's association with Don Henley at some point...because again I don't know anything about Don#but clearly Stan collaborated with him several times or more on his solo work so...I'm vaguely intrigued.#btw if you're a Don Henley or Eagles fan sorry to offend you with my purposeful ignorance. I'm a Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers fan first#(which means for me I just care about The Heartbreakers and who they worked with and all. and I love Stan Lynch :') )
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
If We Were Villains is a fun book with an interesting enough plot (although I did have to force my way through it, especially at the beginning) but god it’s packed with stupid illogical stuff and inconsistencies, it’s just incredible. And it took rereading it once to actually notice and realize just how much illogical stupidity there is going on. How do books like that even get published? It’s really become so easy now.
Not to mention the flat, one-dimensional characters with strange unclear motivations also doing some pretty stupid stuff (and quoting Shakespeare way. too. much. We get it. M. L. Rio, you know Shakespeare and you really wanted to boast that knowledge).
And like yeah, everyone has their own tastes and all that, but some people really have the nerve to compare it to The Secret History (the OG everyone wants to be which came out 30 years ago!) and claim with conviction that IWWV is better?! In what world?
#i have much more to say and i actually typed half of it but i can't put it into words concisely and comprehensibly AND i'm tired so#dark academia bitches will eat up any stupid nonsensial crap as long as there's a university and gays#no standards the bar is in hell#dark academia#if we were villains#iwwv#the secret history#if you're offended i don't care lol i am right
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly i rarely say anything about it, but I'm so tired of seeing hp content in pretty much any tag I go into. Like I bet I can go into the fucking. Windows 10 tag and be forced to see a marauders incorrect quote or something.
#before you say anything yeah i have most tags blocked but i still see it#because it's still EVERYWHERE#I've blocked the worst offenders that put that stuff in every tag under the sun#it's like. i don't care what you're into anymore we'll never be rid of this stuff#i just wish i didn't have to see it like. all the time
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
2-meteno-1-benzeno
Don't go away
7daystheory
7 Days Theory
befoxl
Befox
sheinaxx
sheinaxx
luckymino
luckymino7