whats the nintendlc au?

oh boy. what a question

nintendlc au was an old psmd au i had that was super duper edgy.  it was focused around dark matter as the ‘protagonist’. most things happen from their point of view. basically, nintendlc took place in 2018, wherein a dlc for psmd was released after the game was generally panned by fans for its pacing. the idea was to, all in all, make the game harder. it also supplied more content in the post game, mainly a whole bunch of new chapters and new threats (including a universal parasite, shadow pokemon, and the orb mother) the game was so hard that it was near to impossible. 

your partner, once they return from being semi-dead, had gone from semi competent to completely fucking useless because no matter what, they’d run away from enemies. it was basically just you going through dungeons with a constantly confused partner. who, by the way, if died, would mean you’d still have to go through the dungeon from the start again. so, naturally, hackers came onto the scene. and our hero is one. cyndaquil has hacked a copy of psmd to make it easier and to give them their signature fire claws ability. cyndaquil, to make the game easier, also decided to remove the partner character entirely during post game, just vanishing them from being there because Im Sure That’s A Thing You Can Do. 

in the ‘first arc’ of nintendlc, the game would have you deviate from the original game by not letting dark matter die and instead just taking them off the tree of life to live more peacefully. they’re gravely injured, so they have no choice in the matter. partner, in this case being froakie, hasn’t yet disappeared and is a general source of good for dark matter to follow. then they disappear and everything is Sad. eventually, dark matter escapes and then gets promptly noticed by the people around, including a criminal gang who quickly swipe and run off with them. oh noes! cyndaquil has to go off and retrieve them, but it’s real hard because this gang changes locations every so often! and not only that, one member from the gang that’s a zebrastrika has taken special sympathy for dark matter and decides they’re going to help dark matter in their evil scheme to unlock a Big Door which’ll allow a universal destroyer onto their planet. and guess what, dark matter succeeds! the door opens and the parasite comes out and everyone, ESPECIALLY arceus, is like ‘oh no oh fuck’. but it’s no problem for cyndaquil because cyndaquil is a hacker so they just touch the thing and it dies. which is a general trend. cyndaquil defeats zebrastrika to teach them a lesson, then takes dark matter back.

the second arc is about nuzleaf. nuzleaf was transformed from charming country dad to legit evil. which wouldn’t be so bad if i didn’t make him a super duper predatory pan man (NOT TOWARDS CHILDREN) and have him try to fuck his way to the top. bro literally tried to fuck dark matter not joking. and he was just using them so he could get the ability to petrify people, and when the jig was up he pretended he was possessed so he could get off scottfree. after the whole dark matter thing, some people’ve become thirsty for dark matter’s power for instantenously send people to fucking hell. so, he decided to become a cult leader, seducing (literally.) lugia and the bird trio in the process and turning them into shadow pokemon; pokemon with the ability to use that smoke that turns people to stone. also they’re purple. in a shocking twist, they find out where dark matter is and try to take them, but cyndaquil is ready and slices through their ranks (with dark matter with them so they dont have to go retrieve them from somewhere again) because lots of the shadow pokemon are just weak and easy to take down. eventually, cyndaquil takes down the shadow legendaries. nuzleaf tries to appeal to dark matter and says things can go back to how they were, but cyndaquil slices his ass too. the shadow pokemon stuff vanishes bc the best way to stop shadow pokemon is to beat the smoke power out of them. now no one has smoke powers. nuzleaf blames dark matter for it but no one listens to him and he just disappears.

the final arc is about orb mother. essentially, orb mother is dark matter’s mom, and wants to destroy everything that’s imperfect in the universe. imperfect planets are ones with negativity, so she created the dark matters to seek out these planets and obliterate them. however, this particular dark matter was a flawed creation because it gained the ability of independant thought, which caused it to fail a lot. eventually, dark matter found the pokemon planet, which arceus was on. arceus is a creation of the cube mother, meant to organize planets and keep them all rather nice and neat. however, this arceus tried to assault the orb mother, which meant that they’d be jailed on a planet they couldn’t escape from and had most of their powers stripped from them. so, in attempt to escape, arceus generated a huge negative signal to bring a dark matter to their planet. and they did. they just got the shitty one that cant do anything right. but, at the same time, they got lucky, because they could intimidate dark matter into doing what they want. throughout the entire two arcs, dark matter’s been trying to lay low and not be seen by arceus so that way they don’t have to follow arceus’s bidding and also get punished for their latest failure. but, well, shocker, arceus finds where dark matter is hiding and takes them, forcing cyndaquil to teleport through the 99 floor destiny tower. they get to the top and beat the shit out of arceus, who tells cyndaquil about orb mother and how they should go kill it. cyndaquil says sure and that they will. rayquaza appears at arceus’s command and brings cyndaquil into orbit, where the jump off rayquaza and into space. then they’re magically teleported to the orb mother, who is the size of galaxies. orb mother has some long sphiel about the nature of hearts and life being inherently negative but cyndaquil doesn’t give her the time of day and just kills her.

now, normally, this is where the dlc would end. but since cyndaquil hacked through the game, cyndaquil gets teleported to the anti-hacking area, which is a dark room with the screen displayed. froakie is there. froakie is basically the mouthpiece for the devs, calling cyndaquil a talentless hack (lol) for using cheats. so, froakie fights cyndaquil, forcibly makign cyndaquil helpless first, then defeating them. it then hard bricks their game, causing it not to be playable. dark matter’s also there, and froakie says goodbye to them, and that’s where the au generally ends.

i’d like to revisit it one day and straighten it out, to be quite frank, it’s really super duper edgy, that’s not even mentioning the really horrible shit i left out about nuzleaf’s backstory. shudders.

“Weird thing for a grass type to say, huh?”

shitty mcasshole leaf fuck draw because why not

i wonder how many people actually know the reason i give my nuzcuck fingers is because of an actual in-universe reason and not for style purposes

“oh,”

“well then.”

“ouch oof my feelings

lmao just kidding”

emote link

happy fathers day guys

emote link

‘impossible game’ my fucking ass, dude

maybe you wouldn’t be as sad if you weren’t such an asshole, huh

so you know how when you push around overworld npcs, they kind of glide back to where they were? well, they cant glide if theyre not in the correct position. and when you talk to them, they change position. so if you talk to them repeatedly, you can push them long distances. then, when you stop, they glide through any obstacles back to where they were. its funny to watch them.

holy shit

you’re just. making everyone clip...

this is incredibly good information btw

it was nice at the time, i guess

Quote from totallycorrectpmdquotes

Cause I am on fire

A crying, burning, LIAR