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buckttommy · 20 days

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I need buck to be in danger and tommy running into the danger to get buck out safely. I need tommy to hold bucks face in his hands and tell him that he needs to look at him and tell him what hurts. I need tommy to be a worried boyfriend

whoops

"I'm okay."

Evan doesn't actually know if he's okay. His head throbs, for one, his vision blurring around the edges. He's not entirely convinced he doesn't have a concussion, and his ribs spit fire whenever he so much as tries to inhale. His arm—the one that's not currently attached to the hand that's gripping Tommy's wrist like he's scared he'll float away—is broken, or at least he thinks it is, and he's got a bunch of other scrapes and bruises that'll give him hell in the morning.

So maybe he's not okay (and judging by the way that Hen glares at him in his peripheral vision, maybe is starting to look like definitely), but he's not dying.

That's all that matters.

Tommy swallows tightly. His right hand clenches and unclenches at his side like he's trying to keep himself from reaching out to touch, and it seems like he's losing the battle. Evan appreciates the respect, appreciates the acknowledgement that he's not out even in a situation as dire and terrifying as this one, but it's a particular sort of agony to watch Tommy fight his instinct. Evan just doesn't know which one of them it's hurting more.

Tommy clears his throat. "When Chimney called and said that—that you were hurt..."

"I know." Evan has been on the receiving end of a call like that more than once. The corner of his mouth lifts into a small, fragile smile that sends more blood spilling down his face. "I'm sorry I freaked you out. I didn't mean to do that to you."

He doesn't mention that he, too, was also freaked out. Not because he thinks Tommy can't take it or doesn't want to hear it, but because he doesn't know how to say it without having the whole situation feel abruptly, horrifyingly real.

When the building came down, all he saw was rebar and ash and cement, and if he's honest, he's still not sure how he made it out of there. Still not sure whether it was pure survival instinct that had him clawing out of that air pocket or whether some benevolent god reached down and gave him a helping hand. Either way, he's not complaining. He knows what it's like to be the one waiting for information, to think you're about to live the worst day of your life.

He's glad he didn't do that to Tommy.

This time.

Tommy's eyes rove over his face, his body, like he's trying to catalogue for himself all the places in which Evan is broken. He loses the fight against his hand and gently grabs Evan's jaw, tilting his face toward the flashing lights of the ambulance. He clucks his tongue and drags his thumb along the edge of a gash scored across his cheekbone.

"You're going to need stitches on that."

"I know, I know. Just—" Evan sways on his feet. He's tired, suddenly, the adrenaline passing and fear taking roots in it's place. "I thought I was going to die today."

Tommy makes a wounded noise in the back of his throat. "Evan."

"No. I know. It's just that—if I hadn't somehow ended up in that little pocket of space, I-I would have been dead. And I know that's the job. You know? It's—it's what we both signed up for." He rocks forward on his feet, partially fueled by fatigue, partially fueled by this desperate fucking need to be back in the comfort of his boyfriend's orbit. "But I'm just really—I'm really glad I get to come home to you again."

Tommy's face softens. "Oh, sweetheart."

Evan's boyfriend is massive. It's one of the things he loves most about him. Tommy can (and has) manhandled him with ease countless times before. But the way he touches him now, careful of all his broken parts, is so gentle that Evan almost feels like crying. He melts into the warmth of his embrace as he feels Tommy's nose press into the soft hairs at his temple, followed by a quick brush of his lips.

"I'm glad you get to come home at all. I—god. You have no idea, Evan. You just don't know." He huffs a laugh that's not really a laugh at all and holds him slightly tighter. "I know it's the job, like you said, and I never really minded when it was me running into burning buildings. But now it's you, and—" he pauses. Swallows. "Well. It's not really as fun from this side of things."

"Says the guy who flies helicopters into hurricanes for a living."

Tommy's laugh is actually more of a laugh that time. Something eases in Evan's chest. He tips his chin to look at him.

They're standing far too closely, far too intimately to be considered casual. He's not out to anyone at the station except his family, and he can feel curious eyes roving over them every now and again.

But Tommy is shaking.

It's a small tremble wracking his body, clearly suppressed (or at least trying to be), but it's there and it's breaking Evan's heart to pieces.

Maybe it's that that gives him the courage. Or maybe it's the fact that he almost died. Or maybe it's the fact that Tommy smells like his laundry detergent and, this close Evan can see the edge of the hickey he left beneath his collarbone, or maybe (most likely) it's all of those things. But before he can think about it, before he can stop himself, Evan is murmuring,

"Can I kiss you?"

Tommy's eyebrows raise to his hairline. His gaze darts around, but they're tucked away from the largest portion of the crowd of first responders that arrived at the structure fire. The only person that's even sort of nearby is Hen, and she's so obviously giving them privacy that Evan wants to hug her a little bit.

Later.

Right now, he just wants to kiss.

Tommy frowns. "Are you sure? I mean. Yes. You can. I always want to kiss you but you're not out."

This is true. Evan considers this for a moment and decides that, right now, he doesn't care. Everyone he cares about already knows he's bisexual and they love him regardless, have loved him all this time.

He doesn't give a shit about anyone else.

"We don't have to," he says after a moment. "But I'm tired. And everything hurts. And when I was under there, all I could think about was—was you and getting back to you and kissing you, and so I—"

He's cut off by the feel of Tommy's mouth on his, tension gliding from his shoulders as their lips slot together.

Finally.

This is what he's been needing ever since he emerged from the rubble. Ever since Hen dragged him to the ambulance and sat him down to tend to his wounds. Ever since Chimney told him he called Tommy to let him know what happened.

This is what he's been missing.

Tommy's heartbeat jackrabbits against his chest.

It's an odd thing to be able to feel someone's heartbeat, to be pressed so close together that you can literally feel the thing that's keeping them alive. Evan has never felt anything more sacred, he thinks, and the fact that this heart—this beautiful fucking heart—beats a litany of fear for him through Tommy's veins is overwhelming.

Humbling.

He adores this man.

He lets go of Tommy's wrist and slides his hand up until it rests over Tommy's heart, and then he waits and waits and waits until the beat starts to slow down. Until Tommy exhales a sigh against the side of his face.

There it is, that's what he was waiting for.

Tommy pulls back first, far enough to press their foreheads together.

"You need to go to a hospital," he murmurs.

"Later."

"No, now." His laughter is soft. "Hen is glaring daggers at me. I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain she's about to pry you out of my arms and strap you to the gurney herself."

Evan snorts. Yeah, that sounds like Hen.

He takes a step back out of the warm circle of Tommy's arms. A bout of vertigo nearly knocks him off his feet, but then Tommy is there once again, holding him up.

Evan's own heart beats just a little bit faster.

Together, they walk over to the back of the ambulance, Tommy helping him get settled on the gurney once they get there.

Evan meets his eyes. "Come visit me in the hospital?"

"Visit you? I'll be right behind."

Tommy presses a kiss to the back of his hand, and this time when the vertigo hits again, he's not entirely sure it's just because of his injuries.

He's never felt so adored, so treasured before. It's intoxicating.

Tommy looks over his shoulder, his face earnest. "I know I don't have to ask, but please take care of him."

Hen's voice is immensely fond. "Relax, Kinard. He's in good hands."

Tommy nods. He meets his gaze again and then holds it until the ambulance doors close. It's only when Evan leans back that he remembers, oh, right. Everything does kind of hurt after all.

Definitely not okay, then.

"Ow."

"Yeah, I know." Hen's voice is still soft. She fusses about the back of the ambulance, plying him with bandages and medicine and whatever the hell else she's doing. He's not entirely sure. Reality is starting to slip away. Her face appears in his field of vision. "We'll be at the hospital soon. Close your eyes."

"Tommy?"

"Buck, I'm pretty sure not even a natural disaster could keep that man from being at your side." Her tone is teasing, but she's sincere. Something warm settles in his chest even as his eyelids drift closed. "Rest. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you can see him."

Evan's not sure about that logic but he's too weary to question it. He closes his eyes anyway, lets the rock of the ambulance lull him into a relative sense of peace, and he falls asleep imagining the warmth of Tommy's body beside him.

#ngl I giggled to myself SO MANY TIMES WHILE WRITING THIS OH MY GOD #*screams and kicks my feet*#anyways #bucktommy #jack answers mail #tv: 911

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divinefireangel · 3 years

Text

Pay Attention to Me

Optional SF9 bias x F! Reader smut.

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: Baby Blue! I'm so sorry this took so long 🥺 I tried my best so I hope you like it! 💙 ngl I kinda feel like I did it in a rush TwT

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 18+ and female readers (nothing specified with respect to appearance, etc of reader). There's, choking, spanking, hair pulling and unprotected sex. Do not do this until and unless you actually want kids. Lmk if I missed something!

Requested: Y E S by the oh so lovely @inseongsfoxybae !

Hey, babe! I'm here to request something 🤭

Can you write something like the boy and his gf was spooning while watching a movie, but then things get steamy and lead to couch sex, please?

Since you don't have a bias in SF9 yet, you can choose the member you think that better fits this plot.

Thank you in advance 💓 Love you ❤️

1048 words

"I can't believe you've never seen 'The Princess Bride'! "

"I am now! So you can't say that I haven't seen it at all. " He said.

Coming to lay behind me on the couch, nuzzling his face into my neck he pulls the thin blanket over our bodies.

"If you fall asleep on me I swear to god I will hit you a pan."

"I won't! Don't worry." Raising his hands up in defense he widened his eyes. Grinning he wraps his hands around me pulling me flush against his chest. Rolling my eyes atat his clingyness I press play, smiling as the movie began. It's about time my boyfriend saw my favorite movie.

'As you wish' I mouthed along with Westley. How nice is it to have a secret way to express love for each other. Blushing I look at him, his starry eyes staring at the screen ahead of us. I really am lucky to have him. Kissing his cheek, I turn my attention back to the movie.

The thing about comfort movies is that no matter how many times you see them, you are always surprised at every turn of event. Feeling him smile at my reactions, I cuddle further into him to hide myself. He only giggles and kisses my jaw, finding my actions cute. He rests his face in the crook of my neck.

"You smell nicer than usual" He remarks breathing in my scent.

"It's a new body butter. Now hush." I whisper to try and get him at watch the movie again. After not even a minutes passing he nuzzles his nose further into my neck.

Pulling my shirt collar to a side he places feather light kisses on my exposed skin, nibbling and biting on it. Gulping, I try my best to ignore his attempts to distract me from the movie. Dragging his lower lip up my skin where he left marks, he moves his hand under the blanket to the hem of my shirt. Moving his fingertips up and down my thigh, moving my shirt up till it bunches at my waist, he sucks my neck lightly. Secretly pressing my legs together, trying to move away from his grip and failing to, I silently gasp.

"Pay attention to me." Rasping in a whisper he moves his hand to part my legs. Fuck fuck fuck why did I not wear panties today. Lifting my leg over his thigh, he grazes his fingers across my pussy.

"Oh so you were paying attention to just me?" He says smirking, as he notices my wetness. Rolling my hips slowly against his I feel his *very* prominent bulge. Biting onto my shirt collar I can't help but close my eyes as he smoothly moves the juices from my entrance to my clit.

Closing my legs when his digits reach my clitoris, I trap his hand there, moaning at the pressure. Grunting he pulls his hand out. Pushing my upper leg further till it's bent at the knee, I help him pull his shorts down.

Pumping his cock a few times, he places the head at my entrance. Breathing heavily I lean back, letting him do whatever he wants to me. Leaving open mouthed kisses from my neck to mouth he glides himself into me. Swallowing my pleasure sounds he moves his dick in and out of me. Gasping as he grabs my boob over my shirt and twists my nipple, he starts to rub my sensitive bud.

Squealing I clench around his length, causing him to falter his movements with a groan. Removing his hand from me he gets up and on his knees. Removing his shirt he stops me from laying on my back.

"Pull your shirt up to your chin baby." Biting his lower lip at my naked breasts and peaked nips, he pushes into my entrance again, leaning down to capture my lips into his as his hand resumes it's position on my clit. Moving my bent leg around his hip, I allow him better access to my aching pussy.

"More" I moan closing me eyes, he quickens his pace, grinding himself into me, biting my still exposed collarbone. Crying out I clench my walls as the feeling of him filling me to the brim of my uterus. Spanking my ass he thursts roughly a few times, rocking my body across the couch.

Pulling out of me again he guides me on my hands and knees, making me rest my face on the armrest. Entering me the third time, he grabs my hips as hard as he drives his dick into me at an ungodly speed.

"Your ass is out of the world babygirl." He compliments spanking me again. Grabbing my hair in one hand, making a messy ponytail, he pulls me up till me back comes into contact with his naked chest. Drilling into me, I feel his pelvis hit my buttcheeks as he begins to rub my clit again, his lips finding my neck again. Feeling my hair come down from the makeshift ponytail, the airflow in my throat starts to become restricted.

Choking my throat he pulls my head back till it comes in contact with his shoulder, attaching his mouth to my mouth sloppily, increasing his pace on my clit. Gripping the hair at the back of his head, I try and meet his hips, gasping for air as the pleasure in my lower stomach starts to become overwhelming. Moaning I release on his cock, shaking mymy thighs as I see stars. Letting me fall forward on the couch, he pulls himself out, pumping hishis cock a few times he cums on my ass and my back.

Satisfactorily admiring his work, picking up his shirt from the floor, he cleans his cum off as we try to breathe normally again.

"Wow" I whine.

"Wow indeed babygirl" He agrees bringing his lips to mine as sweetly as ever.

Completely laying on my back, I gesture him to cuddle me by opening my arms for him. Smiling softly with warmth and love on his face, he lays his head on my chest, as we resume to watch the movie from the beginning. Halfway through thethe movie and petting his hair, feeling drowsy, I nap with my exhausted lover in my embrace.

#sf9 #sf9 smut #sf9 imagines #sf9 scenarios #sf9 x reader #sf9 x reader smut #youngbin smut #inseong smut #jaeyoon smut #dawon smut #rowoon smut #zuho smut #yoo taeyang smut #hwiyoung smut #chani smut #sf9 fanfic

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kaitosimp · 3 years

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hello kaito simp does this work lol playlist

teehee

Hi hi!! Yeah it worked!! :D Looking over it I only recognize starlight by muse so I'm excited to listen to the rest! Also it didn't let me listen cause it said I need a spotify acc so I'm gonna youtube them 😂

WARNING: THIS IS SUPER LONG CAUSE I GOT CARRIED AWAY WRITING LIKE ALWAYS LOL

The tiny glowing screens song is so cool! I just sat here vibing to it full on 🤣 The Kaito vibes hit me hard near the end aND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED WHEN IT WENT ON ABOUT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING AND THE JUPITER/UNIVERSE THINGS, ITS K A I T O

OMFG ELEVATE MADE ME THINK OF KAITO OVERCOMING ANY AND ALL OBSTACLES IN HIS WAY CAUSE HE HAS DREAMS HE WANTS TO FUFILL AND HOW HIS GOALS PUSH HIM FORWARD AND EVEN WHEN HE FEELS LIKE ITS ALL POINTLESS HE KNOWS HE HAS TO FIGHT ON????? GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH

Supermassive black hole has Kaito written allll over it 👁👄👁 Idk if its just me but it sounds like him being in love in a very funky way!! And also him dying/being in some sort of pain cause of the one bit "dont you know i suffer", ow :,)

I KNEW IT- I FUCKING KNEW BLOOD ON THE GROUND WOULD REMIND ME OF HIS ILLNESS AND I WAS RIGHT 😭😭😭💔 ITS HIM LIKING SOMEONE IN THE KILLING GAME & BEING SICK AND BEING BITTER ABOUT IT STG

Gravity's union is right up my alley, I really liked this one!! I dunno was it is about it but man, its so captivating 👁👁 I don't know how to describe it but I got Kaito vibes (and pairings vibes but thats just me like always 💀🤣) its got this whole feel with gravity and collisions that it just makes sense??

Another one up my alley, greatness or death, I loved it!! RIGHT OFF THE BAT I GOT HIT WITH KAITO FEELS, WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN???? HIM FEELING BEAT DESPITE THE HEROIC OPTIMISTIC PERSONA, HIM BEING SICK, BEING DESTINED TO FUFILL HIS DREAMS OF GOING TO SPACE OR DYING FROM THE ILLNESS, THE LIE HE'S LIVED BEING THAT HE PRETENDED TO BE FINE ALL ALONG, THERES JUST SO MUCH THAT PERFECTLY FITS HIS SITUATION IN GAME!!! NOT TO MENTION WHAT A BANGER IT IS, ASDFGHJKL THIS IS MY FAVE ONE

Rise above it- Kaito oVERCOMING ANYTHING IN HIS WAY AND COMING OUT ON TOP ONCE MORE, I FUCKING LOVE IT

Stellar is literally Kaito's love song omf :,)) ITS LITERALLY ABOUT TAKING THE PERSON HE LIKES OUT TO SPACE, SPACE IN GENERAL, AND BEING IN LOVE????? ITS HIS MF LOVE SONG BYE

Loud like love made is so good it me want to be in love 💀😂 It feels like the backround song to a couple doing fun shit at 3 am, so gUESS WHAT I PICTURED IN MY HEAD- SAIMOTA BEING DORKS IN LOVE 😔✋🏽

J u s t from the title of my hero, i already picture it'll be from Shuichi's/Maki's perspective @ Kaito :,) "there goes my hero, watch him as he goes" aND I WAS RIGHT AND OH MY GOD WHEN IT SAID "dont the best of them bleed out" IT KILLED ME CAUSE OF KAITO'S DEATH 😭😭😭😭😭

Ngl with space lord I giggled every time it said "space lord mf" asdfghkl 😭😭😂 The first thing I thought about was just Kaito being a badass and just crushing his enemies 💀😂 Cause of the bits where it says he left his throne a million miles away (in space) and just from what the song says, its him reigning over and being a badass space king 👌🏼

As soon as it said "i want to take you to the planetarium" in the planetarium song i automatically thought it was him asking someone out on a date 🤣 But then the 'faked sick' parts started and once again, I was reminded of his illness :,) It'll never stop hurting

Woahhh, using sounds like him learning how to accept himself and knowing his worth and overcoming his issues tbh!! bUT OFC "guess i missed coughing my lungs up every morning" ASDFGJKL WHY IS THERE A REFERENCE TO HIS ILLNESS IN ALL OF THESE IMA CRY

WHEN HIDEAWAY SAID "take the sky for example, a canvas of a billion suns but our local hero shines them out by day" I ALMOST SCREECHED- THE WHOLE SONG IS KAITO VIBES KAITO VIBES KAITO VIBESSSSSSSS

Lucky stars made me feel so s o f t :,))))) I dunno why but it made me think of a Kaito ship and them being star crossed lovers even tho its ironic cause it literally says thank you lucky stars :,) Its just so nice 😭😭

Man, I wonder what the disease song will remind me of 🥲 yEAH THERE IT IS, HIS ILLNESS OH MY FUCKING GOD I- THIS IS MY 2ND FAVE ONE FOR SURE, ITS LITERALLY HIM STRUGGLING WITH THAT SICKNESS AND ALL THE BAD FEELINGS SURROUNDING IT, IT FITS TOO WELL

Ahhh not the only one feels like Kaito trying to reach out and be there for the people he cares about while struggling with his own issues, or could also be him trying to convince himself that feeling down/sad/etc is normal and that he should accept any help he's offered 👀

Trust fall made me think of him starting to get interested in someone and taking that shit in strideeee, so the trust fall thing makes me think of him taking that leap of faith into love despite being a super new thing yes? 🌚

Mannnn, malboro nights made me want to fall in love like love like loud 😂 Kaito liking someone with a funky vibe for days!!

Taking off literally made me think of Kaito about to walk into that gODDAMN ROCKET IN HIS EXECUTION, DAMN 😭

I ALREADY KNEW STARLIGHT BUT I USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO LISTEN TO IT AGAIN, IT GIVES ME SO MANY KAITO FEELS ITS UNREAL 😭😭😭

I'm gonna fully pretend and convince myself the astronaut is about Kaito fufilling his dreams of going to space and becoming an astronaut in a non-despair au aND NOT HIM UP IN THAT ROCKET CONVINCING HIMSELF THAT HE GOT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT AND GOT TO SEE THE THING HE LOVES THE MOST IN HIS LAST MOMENTS-

Omfgggg for miles made me think of post-game Kaito 😭😭😭 BRO "all of our trials will be milestones on the way" "there's no greater love than the one who shed blood for his friends" AND ALL THE STUFF ABOUT LOOKING BACK AND BEING ALIVE ASDFGJKL ITS LITERALLY HIS SACRIFICE AND HIS LOVE FOR HIS FRIENDS AND THE NEED HE HAD TO SAVE THEM- POST GAME KAITO POST GAME POST GAME KAITOOOOO VIBES, THIS IS MY 3RD FAVE ON THIS LIST

Holy fucking shit I'm super sorry this is so long, I got carried away 👁👄👁 BUT IGNORING THAT, THIS HAS BEEN SUPER FUN AND I LOVED ALL OF THESE SO THANK YOU CAUSE SO MANY OF THESE ARE GOING TO MY OWN PLAYLIST YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TASTE IN MUSIC LEMME TELL YA 💜💜💜💜

#kaito momota #dude dude you have an outstanding taste in music #grade A playlist fr #so many additions to my playlist right here #STILL A LOT OF THESE KILLED ME EMOTIONALLY

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sufferingsoup · 4 years

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More Pirate AU writing, but feat. ANGST this time around BOIS. She still very soft and kinda sappy tho ngl lol. I can’t help myself. Anyway, hi, it’s me, still obsessed with this AU. Hope you enjoy this! Also it’s unedited bc I’m lazy and barely want to post it as is lmao, so sorry about any mistakes! Check out more of this beautiful awesome amazing fantastic showstopping terrific gorgeous CRISP au @thenerdyalchemist

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The Truth

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So many months.

It had been so many months since they had stopped sending their letters. So many months of desperate searching anywhere and everywhere. So many months of confusion and anger and sadness. And yet, not a single trace of Tiadrin or Lain had been found.

Runaan had started shutting down a couple months ago. Ethari tried his best to keep him hopeful, he couldn’t bear to see him in such a pitiful state, but the search was seeming increasingly useless every added day that nothing turned up. It truly seemed as though they had simply dropped off the face of the planet, gone for good. But that was hard. Tiadrin and Lain were nothing short of family to them, especially Runaan. They had been inseparable growing up, even through the loss of their adoptive father and Runaan’s sudden succession to the pirate throne. Tiadrin and Lain had stuck by him through everything, and Runaan had stuck by them in return. And that love extended to Ethari as well.

Ethari could still remember the short-lived terror, followed by the massive wave of relief and happiness when Tiadrin dumped the bucket of water on him, revealing his deepest, darkest secret to them. They had been confused and a bit shocked at first, no doubt, but it didn’t take either of them long to start cracking jokes and messing about like normal. Their opinions of Ethari hadn’t changed at all, and they had accepted him fully for what he was.

He could still feel Lain’s comforting touch and hear his relaxing jokes and stories as he gave Ethari all of his necessary tattoos in one sitting. It was a rough day, but they had to get them all done in time for the wedding, and Ethari could think of no better person to give him these markings but Lain. He had a steady hand, a good eye for design, and an overwhelming amount of excitement for his best friends and their big day. He made sure Ethari wasn’t in more pain than was absolutely necessary, and did his best to keep his spirits up and nerves down in light of all the big life changes coming his way.

He could still hear the joyous sobbing as little Rayla was introduced to the world for the first time. Runaan had been clutching Tiadrin’s hand and aggressively encouraging her, just what she needed, and Ethari had been holding a trembling, anxiety-ridden Lain on the other side of the bed, trying to keep him as calm as possible. Lain, Tiadrin, and Ethari all broke down crying the second they saw her. Even Runaan’s eyes glistened with tears he stubbornly fought back, but he too broke down the second Tiadrin gently shoved the baby into his arms. All four of them welcomed a beautiful daughter into their hearts that day, and they all felt closer with each other than ever before.

But they were gone now.

Their big, happy family was torn apart, and nobody had any idea how it happened.

Runaan was taking it particularly hard. They had been siblings to him, and now he was left with their daughter and no explanation for her as to their disappearance. He was shutting himself out from everyone, even Ethari, in a desperate attempt to maintain some kind of control. He would be up all hours of the night, searching through his maps and notes and books in hopes of finding even the tiniest clue. He was exhausted and sad and angry and terrified all at once, but he would not allow Ethari - much less anyone else - to help him. He would snap at the crew over the tiniest of annoyances, and gods forbid any townsfolk get in his way when they were docked; if Runaan hadn’t been intimidating before, he was absolutely terrifying now. He would make mistakes and drops things when he was especially upset, which only made him all the more angry. He had given up taking care of himself almost entirely. His hair was always a frazzled mess, he would forget to eat until Ethari all but forced him to, and the bags under his eyes seemed to be carrying the weight of the world within them.

Ethari sighed heavily, clutching the tiny baby in his arms protectively as he swung lightly in his and Runaan’s hammock. Runaan was holding a meeting of sorts, calling all the pirate captains he could to see if anyone had found anything, and to try to come up with a new plan. Ethari scrunched his eyes shut tightly for a moment, shaking his head before staring back up at the ceiling.

/It’s useless, they aren’t gonna have anything new.../

His heart ached. Of course he wanted to find them, or at least an explanation, but it had been a year. If nothing had turned up before, it was extremely unlikely anything would turn up now. He just wanted Runaan to drop it. The constant searching was worthless, and it was doing nothing good for his physical or mental state. He just wanted to pull Runaan into his arms and hold him while he cried. He just wanted to help him come to terms with the death of their beloved friends. He just wanted Runaan to take little Rayla in his arms and acknowledge her as their new daughter. He needed to move on from this, but he refused to do so.

Ethari dragged a tired hand over his face before looking down at the peacefully resting baby in his arms. She stared back up at him with big, bright, lilac eyes, burbling at him. He offered her a sad smile and offered a finger to her. She grasped it firmly with her tiny hands and examined it quizzically for a moment before shoving it into her mouth. Ethari chuckled softly and allowed her to suckle on the tip of his finger for a moment before taking it away. He mussed up her soft tufts of hair as she watched him.

“Oh, Rayla, what’re we gonna do?” He asked her quietly.

She just stared back at him, enthralled by his deep, soothing voice.

“He’s killing himself over this. I don’t know how to get through to him this time, he won’t listen to me no matter what I say.” He sighed.

She prattled at him in response.

“Yeah? You should talk some of that sense into him.” He replied.

Rayla released a loud squawk and a giggle.

He chuckled and nuzzled their noses together gently, allowing her to tangle her tiny fingers in his ratty white hair and tug as she liked.

“You always know just what to say.” He sighed, smiling sadly as he watched her play with his soft, uneven locks.

The bedroom door slamming open told him Runaan was back. He snapped his gaze towards the entrance as his husband stomped into the room with steam billowing out of his ears. He threw his captain’s hat on the floor and chucked off his cloak. Ethari sighed softly and rolled out of the hammock, approaching him cautiously. Rayla watched Runaan intensely as they drew nearer.

“Nothing?” Ethari asked. Runaan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t start.” He snapped, heading straight for his desk without sparing him a glance.

“I wasn’t.” Ethari stated, allowing his mild annoyance at Runaan’s dismissal to show on his face. He stared at his husband’s back as he leaned over his desk, “I don’t live and breathe just to hassle you, you know.”

Runaan sighed deeply, his shoulders tensing for a moment before he stood up straight and turned around, staring at the floor.

“Right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take this out on you.” He admitted, his voice gentler this time.

He walked back up to Ethari and took his waist with one hand, cupping his cheek softly with the other and pressing their foreheads together. Rayla stared up at them quietly from between their chests.

“Nobody has found anything, and...” he cut himself off, his grip on Ethari tightening a bit as his face scrunched up in frustration.

Ethari gave him a gentle kiss, wrapping a comforting hand around the back of his neck. Runaan melted into his touch, but he was still tense. Ethari sighed and pulled back a bit, sliding his hand up to rest along Runaan’s jaw. He tilted his face up towards his own with his palm and fiddled with Runaan’s earrings with his fingers, examining his tired face. Runaan looked back into Ethari’s eyes, his walls up and guarding his emotions, but Ethari was already behind those walls with them. He was sad and angry and deep in denial. Ethari gave Runaan a meaningful peck on the tip of his nose before tangling his hand into Runaan’s messy hair and pulling it out of its bun. It unraveled and fell to its full, glorious length, but it was still quite messy.

“C’mon, let’s get you straightened out. This is no way for the great pirate king to look” he said softly, taking Runaan’s hand and tugging him towards their hammock. Runaan resisted, sighing heavily and trying to shake his hand away.

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t have time. I need to look over-“

“No, you don’t.” Ethari gripped his hand firmly and gave him a stern look that softened after a moment, “You’ve looked over every piece of paper on this ship and all the others’ about a thousand times each now. I can’t even read that well and I could probably recite each one to you.”

“But I /must/ have missed something! I just need to-“

“No, you don’t. My shade, you have poured every second of your life into this, every ounce of your energy, for the past year. There is nothing you could have possibly missed.”

“But-“

“Come.”

“Ethari...”

“Come here.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, having the same silent battle they had had so many times over the past year. Runaan heaved a heavy sigh and looked down.

“Just once more, then you can have me for the night.” He bargained, hoping his usual excuse would work. Ethari stood his ground this time.

“It’s always ‘just once more,’ isn’t it? Then it’s all night and all of the next day and then you’re off on another false lead the next.”

Runaan remained silent, staring at the floor, his hand lifeless in Ethari’s grasp. Ethari stepped towards him again, pushing Rayla gently into his arms. Runaan looked away and tried to step back, but Ethari wouldn’t allow him to run again.

“You haven’t held her in weeks.” He stated.

“I shouldn’t. Not like this.”

“Why? Would you hurt her?”

“No! I would never!”

“Then take her.”

“I can’t.” Runaan hesitated.

“You can. You will.” Ethari insisted.

“I shouldn’t.”

“She is your daughter.”

Runaan stared into Ethari’s serious eyes incredulously. Ethari knew how Runaan felt about becoming Rayla’s father. He loved her with all his heart, and he promised them he would take care of her if anything happened. But he didn’t feel like he deserved it, didn’t think he could be a proper parent. He didn’t want to take Lain or Tiadrin’s place in Rayla’s heart. He didn’t want to accept that this was their new reality. A tiny voice from between them broke their silent argument.

“Wuni!”

They both looked down at the baby in Ethari’s arm. Rayla’s big eyes were set on Runaan’s, and her tiny hands were reaching out towards him desperately. She was squirming insistently, trying to get closer to him. Runaan teared up, his lower lip trembling ever-so-slightly, and Ethari caressed his cheek gently.

“She’s missed you.” He said softly, pushing her closer to him. As soon as she could reach, she grabbed at one of the long, loose locks of bright white hair hanging over his shoulder. “Take her, and let me take you. We all need this.”

Finally, Rayla had won. Runaan took her gently into his arms, nodding hesitantly.

“Okay.” He breathed.

Ethari pulled him into their bedroom, sitting him down in their hammock while he gathered up a brush and some ribbons. He eased himself into the hammock behind Runaan and began to gently work the knots out of his hair. He brushed softly for a long time, Runaan relaxing back into Ethari’s lap as he played quietly with Rayla. He made sure to massage Runaan’s scalp a bit with every stroke, deeply enjoying the feeling of running his hands through his husband’s soft hair for the first time in weeks. He left the piece Rayla had claimed for later, as she seemed to be enjoying styling it herself with her mouth.

“So, what did you all decide?” He asked after a while. Runaan sighed and shook his head. Ethari could feel him tensing up again.

“Nothing. They want me to call it off. Damned cowards.” He spat.

Rayla protested by swinging her fists a bit at his sudden intensity, yanking at his hair. He pulled back a bit, but he was still tense.

“You don’t want to?” Ethari questioned.

“Why on Earth would I do that?”

“Because it’s been a year, and you haven’t found anything.”

“But we could!”

“After a year of nothing?”

Runaan sighed frustratedly.

“Listen, I understand that the chances are low, but we can’t just give up on them!”

“It isn’t giving up if you tried your best.”

“How? We’d be quitting without finding a single thing just because we’re tired.”

“After a full year of looking in every corner of the world trying to find anything and coming up empty handed every time.” Ethari sighed as he laid down the brush and began to weave his hair into a simple braid, leaving Rayla’s piece and a matching one on the other side of his face hanging over Runaan’s shoulders, “You can’t just keep looking for the rest of your life, love. You’re already killing yourself over this, it isn’t healthy.

“Trust me, I know how you feel, my shade. I miss them, too. I want an answer as much as you do. I want to be able to tell Rayla what actually happened to them, better yet to actually see them again. I love them, and you love them, but at some point you have to let this go.”

“But what if they’re still out there, Ethari? What if we’re just overlooking some tiny detail and all it would take is just once more search? How can I just stop when we could find something tomorrow?”

“How do you know you’ll ever find anything? When will it be enough? Do you want your entire life to be dedicated to finding them again?” Ethari questioned.

Runaan stayed silent, looking down at little Rayla and lightly shaking the long, thin finger she was gripping. Ethari tied off the first section of the braid with a dark green ribbon and wrapped his arms tightly around Runaan’s waist, pulling his back flush against his chest. He rested his chin on Runaan’s shoulder and gazed down at the baby in his husband’s strong arms.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but we’re her parents now.” He muttered against Runaan’s ear, “We need to take care of her. We need to be there for her, and you can’t do that if you’re wasting yourself away trying to find them. I don’t want her to lose another parent. I don’t want to raise her alone, Runaan.”

“I don’t want that either.” Runaan whispered, tears welling up in his eyes again as he leaned into Ethari’s touch, both to reassure his husband, and to comfort himself.

“Then don’t make me.” Ethari pleaded.

Runaan laid his head back against Ethari’s strong shoulder, staring up hopelessly at the ceiling.

“Just one last search. Just in case.” He offered half-heartedly. Ethari shook his head softly and pressed a sad kiss to Runaan’s neck.

“You know that won’t be it if you do.”

Runaan released a single, strained sob. Ethari felt the tears dripping onto his shoulder and held him a little tighter, his own eyes threatening to release the floodgates as well. Runaan turned his head towards Ethari’s, burying his face in his neck as Ethari gently rubbed his stomach.

“I know. I don’t like it either.” Ethari sniffed.

“I just want them to come back.” Runaan whimpered.

“I do too.” Ethari sobbed, crying with his husband.

They stayed this way for a long time, crying together in their hammock as Runaan finally saw the truth. Rayla watched them silently for a while, confused.

“Wuni? Dari? Oh no.” She whimpered, eyes pooling with tears. Runaan and Ethari looked down at her and shook their heads in unison.

“No, Rayla, it’s okay! We’re okay, little shadow.” Ethari cooed, wiping away his tears quickly and offering her a sad smile and a reassuring finger, which she happily grasped with one hand after letting go of some of Runaan’s hair. Runaan stroked her cheek softly, holding her a little tighter.

“We’ve got you, Rayla. We’re never leaving you.”

And that was the truth.

#long post #tdp #tdp pirate au #tdp ethari #tdp runaan #writing #ruthari #elf husbands #shit I’m in love with this AU #SOMEONE HELP ME IM DROWNING IN CONTENT #my writing

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