Overcoming Similarities and Fear of the Self: A Lesson in Socialization

Ok so I'd like to start out by saying that this isn't going to be nearly as pretentious and academic as the title makes it sound, but I couldn't let go of how good it sounded (and since it’s me it’s at least a little pretentious and academic), so here we are. But anyways, onto the topic at hand.

Like most stories, No.6 focuses immensely on fundamental differences between people and places, and how those differences lead to conflict that either brings those groups together or destroys one or both of them. On a large scale, No.6 tells the story of the conflict between the West Block and lower classes of citizens, and the institution of No.6 itself as created by the city's elites. On a small scale, we see this larger issue of sociopolitical conflict reflected in Nezumi and Shion and their relationship as it develops throughout the story. This individual conflict is mostly philosophical, with each character having their own experiences with No.6 and therefore differing opinions as to what, if anything, needs to be done about it. However, these differences in experiences, and how Nezumi and Shion were taught to view the world, function not only as a reflection of larger scale issues, but also reveal how they form their opinions about both the world, and especially in Nezumi's case, each other.

Right from the beginning of the story, we are shown, and expected to accept, that Nezumi and Shion are fundamentally different, that their experiences are so drastically different from each other that outside of a certain level of compromise, they will never philosophically align with one another. But I think there’s more to it than that. Because even though this difference is what drives the entirety of the plot forward, acting as a micro level version of the wider sociopolitical conflict, one of the overarching themes of the story, that humans are fundamentally the same, or at least equal, no matter their experiences and beliefs, directly contradicts what is otherwise a story of dichotomies, creating not a grey area open to interpretation, but a single truth that must be accepted in order to accept the events of the story.

And here is where we get to the part where I ramble on about the complexity of Nezumi’s character and how it informs not only his actions, but his emotions as well. Specifically, Nezumi’s “fear” of Shion that develops throughout the story on the surface appears to be based on the fact that not only have they had vastly different experiences, and therefore view No.6 and its issues significantly differently, but also that because of these differences Nezumi is, for the first time, recognizing that there are things about the world and other people that he does not fully understand. By defying Nezumi’s expectations of what a citizen of No.6 should be like, and demonstrating his individuality and ability to defend himself, Shion proves that people are more complex than they often first appear, have motives outside of basic survival or corruption, and can behave in ways that to an outsider seem completely irrational. Looking at it this way, Nezumi’s discomfort with and eventual fear of Shion make perfect sense, as he appears to Nezumi to be someone who is now completely unknowable and irrational. However, Shion’s insistence on that theme, that humans are fundamentally the same, highlights a completely different idea: Nezumi is not afraid of Shion only because of their differences, or because he is an unknown entity, but also because through his interactions with Shion, Nezumi is forced to face the fact that perhaps they are actually quite similar, and that the one who was unknown all along was himself.

Throughout the story, we get very few, if any, chances to see Nezumi do any kind of self reflection. He has already figured himself out, he knows how the world works and what kind of people inhabit it, and no matter what may happen, he is able to approach it calmly and make completely rational choices. Except when it comes to Shion. From the beginning, Shion is so drastically different from what Nezumi is used to that there is no rational approach to take other than to simply observe him and try to decipher what he may be thinking at any given moment. Unfortunately for Nezumi, this is a task that remains impossible for him until he recognizes that there is a crucial part of his understanding of the world that he is missing, and why it is that he does not have it. This lack of understanding ties into many of Nezumi’s actions that to Shion, and us as the audience, appear irrational, specifically relating to why he leaves at the end of the story, as well as why he spends the majority of the story constantly contradicting himself and acting in ways that go directly against what he preaches earlier on to Shion.

This is especially apparent as we approach the end of the end of the story, when Nezumi’s focus on Shion shifts away from teaching him to survive, and instead towards preventing him from becoming too much like Nezumi. Part of this is of course, as the story points out, because to a certain extent Nezumi still sees Shion as an outsider, one who should not be enacting violence and should instead be protected. This is obviously uh, not a good and healthy way to think about another person that is supposed to be equal to you, but I think it also speaks to how Nezumi has grown through the process of self-reflection, even though this process remains unfinished even after the events in Beyond. Because I don’t think that Nezumi’s insistence on keeping Shion the same as he’s always been (which obviously also shows a lack of understanding of Shion as a person, and just people in general) is just about his desire to protect him, but rather a fear that if Shion becomes too much like him, then Nezumi’s actions and beliefs will have become externalized and projected in a way that forces him to face himself and all that he has done in his life. By this point in the story Nezumi has realized that some part of who Shion is as a person is also a part of himself, and Shion’s actions have shown that the reverse may also be true. Thus the possibility that further similarities will arise becomes likely, and out of fear that he does not actually fully understand himself, as well as an inability to self-reflect in a constructive way, this fear is taken out on Shion in the form of attempting to prevent him from changing in any way, in the hope that it will prevent the revealing of any more similarities, and therefore the further deconstruction of Nezumi’s sense of self. In other words, Nezumi’s desire to see Shion not change in the Correctional Facility is less an attempt to protect Shion from “reality” (which yes he does also want to do), and more a coping mechanism for Nezumi as he struggles with his own identity.

Now this is not to say that Nezumi and Shion are exactly the same, or that they should be interpreted as such, or that they will ever become exactly alike. Rather, it is more about the idea that all humans (with some exceptions of course) have the same or similar capacity for certain emotions/understandings of the world, and that what differentiates us from each other is not some innate difference that can never be overcome, but instead a result of socialization that, while not entirely able to be reversed, can be in many cases overwritten and changed through a continued process. In this specific case, for example, we see that Nezumi and Shion are both capable of strong feelings of empathy for other people. However, whereas Shion is entirely comfortable with processing this emotion, because of the way he was socialized (raised) by both the old woman and Rou, as well as a result of severe trauma, Nezumi has no real foundation for understanding human empathy, and so when he does experience it, his immediate reaction is to reject and rationalize it rather than attempt to process it, which would result in him having to fundamentally change his world views. Nezumi’s socialization also forms his conceptualization of the unknown as something to be feared, as the environments he was raised in required things that were unknown (such as No.6) to be seen as a threat rather than an opportunity to learn and develop. Thus the appearance of Shion, as well as his “strange” behavior brought over from No.6, serves as both a deep fascination for Nezumi as something that questions his construction of “humanity”, as well as something to be feared due to its existence outside of this construction.

Just to tie it all together, this is a huge part of why Nezumi ultimately has to leave at the end of the story. Just like every other person who has written about the ending has stated, Nezumi needs time to reflect and heal from his trauma, and that is something that is fundamentally impossible for him to do in the presence of either Shion or the remnants of No.6. After spending the majority of his life crushed under the weight of (and then forced to question) something that is both unknown and the source of his suffering, what he needs is the comfort of an unknown that fundamentally still fits into his preexisting world views while still leaving room for exploration that is free from the influence of others. Most of his life has been spent under the strict influence of those who raised him, who taught him that the world is ultimately a place of suffering, violence, and tragedy, that his trauma was justified, but normal, and nothing would ever fundamentally change about that world. The short period he did spend alone was time when he was too young to really be able to question that idea, and it instead became cemented in his mind as the “reality” he presents to Shion. Shion, on the other hand, so significantly disrupts this pattern that Nezumi is unable to rationally respond, and instead of taking the new information into account, resists it in self defense, not wanting to recognize that what he thought was reality only really existed in his mind. He needs an in-between place, a place where he can be alone with his thoughts and reflect on his life without the interference of people who he feels strongly connected to, who might influence his processing. He needs a place where he can not only recover from his trauma, but also the fear his socialization has resulted in that ultimately ended up only being the fear of his own humanity.

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — with yuna being a fandomless original character; it is rather hard to strictly follow canon; first of all, one has to define what canon means & that would be, in yuna’s case, the story that i have previously written before writing on Tumblr with her as my muse. i do try to stick to it, however, i always leave enough room for her to develop, otherwise, it would be just plain boring, wouldn’t it ? with that said; she already has developed a few characteristics that might be deemed out of character within the canon material

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  she is a character with several layers; meaning, you will always get to know a different side of her, the more you interact. yuna is an outcast, though, you might not notice it at first. she’s really strong & her species is still rather unknown; many abilities might have not been uncovered yet. her mission is to destroy humanity, though, will she do it ? she works as a hitman within a secret organization that is more than meets the eye. she is ACTUALLY not a true descendant of lilith. she is old & has seen & experiences MANY things. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is way too stubborn & it takes AGES to form a real relationship with her; so petty & weak-willed when it comes to her own desires; way too set on her own belief; the whole humanity-is-bad stick gets old quick; her being paranoid about every SINGLE thing; her whole concept is less about her own power but more about the control of said power & how she deals with her being pressured into the position she is

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i love mythology & the lore within Christianity (mainly the characters, stories; def more a fan of the “evil” stuff )  i love horror; i love paranormal stuff & if you combine everything, you have yunaeisha & her sisters. the lore ( which is massive & yuna’s story plays within present-day while most of it plays in the past) is something i hold dear to my heart; i worked on it for many years, since approx. 2014-2015. yuna embodies a lot of the pain of my previous characters; not knowing her place in the universe while KNOWING that you have to function within this society that deems you’re not a part of them, either. she’s honest & a bad bitch with a very soft side; i love her a lot & she’s grown so much. my love for her inspired me & how much more i wanted to flesh her out. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  I constantly find new stuff that i could implement within yuna; i dream A LOT about my characters, actually, & i always try to put some material of those dreams into her. i love russia as a land; the language, the clothes, the cities. i love mythology; i love her aesthetic & i always find something that could be of use. simply going outside & watching people interact makes me think instantly; how would yuna react ? how would she talk ? i try to keep her as real possible & thus, i constantly think about her.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — I am quite the sensitive person when it comes to HARSH criticism; when someone just comes to me to talk about how badly i portray yuna, then i’m gonna be sad about it. however, i do accept people that give me constructive ideas like; maybe it could be better if you did ... instead of .... ? i have NOTHING against it. i never received it, though, so i’m not 100 percent sure about it. though, i’d love to think that i’d be even more motivated to better her. 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I rarely get question but i’d love if some more flew in; LET THEM BE IC QUESTIONS EVEN !! i had some muses be invested in yuna, but the more the merrier so OF COURSE !!! 

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  yes, please !! if you think a headcanon might clash with another or you think, it might be really out of character or just generally unfitting for yuna; TELL ME !! i sometimes forget some minor headcanons, though, they can play a MAJOR role sometimes; if you become aware of that, please tell me. also, if you just generally don’t agree with it, PLEASE also tell me; i’m a really open-minded person & i’d love to hear your point of view. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  if someone disagrees; alright, then so be it. all people think differently; you can’t please everyone. yuna is my characters, however, her concept, of being half-demon, half-goddess, the child of lilith, has been done before & thus, i know some might not agree how i portray yuna within that concept & that’s okay; though, if you outright HATE on it; why ? if you think you can do it better; make your own lore & character but don’t hate on anyone. with that said, i personally don't have anything gainst people disagreeing; that’s just how life works; we can’t agree on everything. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  i’d be taken aback at first because of course, as the creator of yuna, i love her dearly. though, i could understand why; she does MANY things that are considered problematic & has no remorse, whatsoever; she seems very self-centered & almost toxic to some & i GET that’s not everyone’s cup of tea; however, she’s not ONLY that but it takes times to get through that layer; i understand not everyone likes such muses. it’s okay, i don’t mind it but don’t HATE on her, aggressively ?? telling me how shitty she is or how much she sucks, is not really nice, & i know she often sucks, you don’t have to tell me twice. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — YES PLEASE !! i’m human, english is actually my third-language & i still make a lot of errors; probably did some in this post as well lmao. but seriously, if you see it & you feel like correcting it; PLEASE DO !! or just shoot me a quick message, saying that you have noticed that i OFTEN make a specific error. it helps a lot !! thank you. 

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  no, definitely not! i hyperfixate a lot, meaning that i have this uncontrollable urge to just do one thing; or speak to one person or play a certain game; it messes up my social life a lot because i sometimes go months without talking to my best friends, though, they don’t mind because they’re used to me “ignoring” them. i also dislike convos that lead to nothing, even within real life; i like topic-related conversations & not just the plain “hey” & “how are you”’s. though, let me state one thing; if we have talked before & i was very open with you; I LOVE YOU! i’m not “ignoring” you on purpose or because i stopped liking you or something; it’s just me being dumb. so, if you want to talk, plot, have an idea, want to ship, ANYTHING !! shoot me a message, please, I BEG YOU !!! i hardly reach out first & that makes me seem unapproachable; i’m aware of that & i’m so sorry, i’m working on it! but other than that; i’m a person that you can talk to about everything ! politics; anime; mythology; pop-culture; roleplaying; i love it all !! i may not know the topic at first but i love learning & i’m willing to listen at all times !! also i love listening to people gush about their characters or just plotting stuff; ITS GREAT !! so, this is an invitation for you to come plot with me 8^)

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar ; i loved the nasty questions ! 8^)  Tagging: @dvojakyvlk, @thevvolf, @childrenxfthemoon, @hensetsu, @talonness, @shikkotsunin​, @aemiliiu​, @nezumi-vc-103221​ & everyone who feels like stealing !!

Height & Character Dynamics/Psychology: Tiger and Ox

Earlier, I realized offhandedly that most of my favorite duos in anime are about the same height. But in Juni Taisen, the dynamic between Tiger and Ox is one of my favorites... and contrary to what I’ve been drawn to previously in anime, their height is SO DIFFERENT! Why would the character designer do this?!

(The perspective in this screenshot is a little exaggerated, but essentially, their difference in height is 27 cm, or almost a foot.)

It started out as a silly question that I didn’t put much weight into, because I thought I was just momentarily frustrated at how hard it was to draw them into the same composition. But as I considered it, it became an interesting exercise in exploring character design, and specifically how the dynamics within and between characters are manifested visually. It’s almost certainly intentional, since when you have a group of interdependent characters, it’s important to consider how they look and visually play off one another when standing next to one another.

To put it briefly, I realized that in my other favorite anime duos, the two characters are meant to harmonize with each other. However, the dynamic between Tiger and Ox is one of stark contrast, and one way to show that visually is to make them very different in height. I’ve picked out some specific elements of their characterization for which this makes perfect sense:

Most obviously, and tackling them individually first: the decision to design Tiger and Ox in this way might be related to their standings as warriors, and to their self-esteem. 

Ox is probably the most highly regarded and feared out of the twelve warriors in Juni Taisen. He’s very sure of and confident in himself, even too much so. He is also one of the tallest characters in the series, second only to Horse. Meanwhile, nobody is really intimidated by Tiger (especially not Ox in the scene who appears entirely unfazed by her attempts to provoke him). And Tiger has low self-esteem, describing herself in the dub as a “good-for-nothing” and “cursed.” Just knowing these details, having Ox be very tall and imposing, and Tiger be average-to-short, makes logical sense.

As they interact in the series and are forced to form an alliance, a direct comparison between them also comes into question. And just as their heights are drastically different, their characteristics are immediately at odds: Ox is proud, cautious and systematic; meanwhile, Tiger is shameless, volatile and unpredictable. They don’t seem to match at all; rather, there is a clear friction in their personalities and in their ways of fighting. Their two characters are, in their essence, dynamic and contrasting, as opposed to harmonious. This makes it even more interesting when they’re able to work together more or less in sync.

Going a layer deeper, the visual contrast as it relates to height could also reinforce how they were/are in different places in their character arcs and personal growth. In her past, Tiger is repeatedly described in the novel as halting or regressing in mental age as she struggles. And she strives to become someone like Ox, who apparently understands far more than she does about being a warrior. In other words, she is now aiming for a point above her, which Ox occupies.

Tiger phrases this in her backstory as being like the difference “between an adult and a child.” And in terms of their design and their proportions, Tiger appears small and childlike when juxtaposed with someone of Ox’s stature. Tiger’s head appears larger relative to her body size. Meanwhile, Ox has a very smooth silhouette; the design of his clothes emphasizes his upper body and makes his legs appear longer; and his horns make him effectively even taller - all of these are visual elements that add to his height.

(Strangely, when they do meet again, Ox looks like he hasn’t changed at all, whereas Tiger has changed so much that he doesn’t even recognize her. Perhaps she hasn’t grown any more in stature, but she’s fought her fair share of internal battles.)

My character design professor also mentioned that highly energetic, “spunky” characters tend to be either very tall or very short. While Tiger isn’t the shortest in the series, she appears quite small when placed next to Ox. And she is indeed a lively character, even more so in contrast to his composed disposition (When she declares herself, she uses the phrase ikioi, which means “vigor, energy, spirit”).

These two do have underlying similarities, buried under layers that we can only reach when the omniscient narrator of the series hones in on their individual thoughts. They are an unlikely duo, and in a lot of ways, they don’t fit together well. But they complement each other powerfully enough to form a team that, as Nezumi describes in the novel, is “wicked strong.” In short, giving them a considerable difference in height just makes sense when you consider how wildly different they are as characters, and helps bring out this dynamism visually.

That’s the end of my ramble for now, though I’m sure soon enough I’ll find some other detail that I just have to write on~ 

i have the Vergil motivation to start doing digital drawing. But its kinda intimidating. I mean I've always done things traditionally and I do know how to make designs on Adobe software but not drawing. I was wondering if you have a software that you prefer or would recommend; or just tips in general.

Hello anon! how are you doing? :D

Thank you for asking, I’m not en expert, but I’ll try to help you as much as possible :D. Also, bear in mind that english is not my mother tongue, so there may be some mistakes (ans I’m also a idiot who types really fast without re-reading xDD).

First of all, I assume that you own a graphic tablet, this tool is essentioal for digital art, as they have pen pressure and helps a lot to create unique effects! The brands I’ve seen people recommending the most latelly are Wacom and Huion. I can only give you my opinion about the first one though, I’ve owned a Wacom Intuos 4 for over 6 years and it has never failed me ♥ not even when I accidentally threw the pen inside my tea xD.

Now, speaking about software, I have tried 3: Paint Tool Sai (1 and 2), Clip Studio Paint and Photoshop. Each one has their pros and cons, and you also have to bear in mind what your computer can handle.

1. Paint Tool Sai:

 This is the one that I use and like the most, the interface it’s quite simple and the only thing that may cause you trouble may be the brushes settings, but once you have created you own ones, the only preset you’d probably need to change is density.

This software comes with a pen stabilizer, which is very handy if you do linework, I always set mine to S-3 so it’s easier to get more accurate and less “crispy” lines, you may also notice that the pressure works a bit different, like it’s a bit more sharp. 

For colouring I always set my flats with selections and the bucket tools, and then I add layers for shadows ans highlights. I always start with flat shadows and blend them using both the Brush and the Water tool. I may share my brushes presets for Sai 2 if you like. This software also includes a “transparent” color, which is really useful when you need to fix some blended areas or softly remove part of the colour.

I have used bot Paint Tool Sai 1 and Paint Tool Sai 2, I have noticed that in the second version brushes work a bit different, specially when it comes to using the transparent color. But Sai 2 comes with many enhacements which makes it more enjoyable, thing such as:

Elipse Rulers

Linear Rulers

Perspective Rulers (they work wonders even if you know 0 about perspective)

Text

Shapes

Gradients

Better compatibility with Photoshop’s layers

It seems that Sai 2 is going to be on Beta forever, but you can still download (illegally, lol) and use it, It’s my fave one, so I really recommend this one.

If you want to see more about its interface, I highly recommend you to take a look to my youtube channel, I tend to upload there some of my drawings speedpaints, I hope they can help you to understand hot it works.

2. Clip Studio Paint

I haven’t used this one that much, I only made my first V drawing with it, as well as some headshots for practicing.

This also comes with a pen stabilizer, but I noticed it didn’t worked the same way as Sai’s, it took me a while to get a level of hardness that I liked. The good thing is that it comes with a wide variety of pens, and I really recommend G-pen when it comes to making linearts, it has a nice and sharp finishing.

It also comes with poseable 3D models to use as references, I don’t really like to use them as they have anime-ish proportions and such, but some people may find them handy I guess. CSP also has a wide variety of resources such as premade images (grass, dust, floers, manga panels, halftones…) so this one may be a good option if you also plan to create comics and such.

If you are going for the paid version, you also get access to a marketplace in which people uploads their resources, and you may find some interesting ones there for free.

CSP also has rulers and perspective tools as far as I remember, but I haven’t tried the new ones (this software used to be called Manga Studio, and that was the first time I used it xD).

You can see me struggling with it in this video.

3. Photoshop

I think this is the one that everyone knows the most, right? xD. Though the use of Photoshop has been widely spreaded, we have to keep in mind that this software is very heavy to handle for some cumputers, you’ll probably need over 8GB of RAM memory (I have 16 GB and it still crashes some times) to make it run “properly”. I am isung CC 2015, since I don’t have enough space in my HD for CC 2019, and I would probably need an SSD to make it work smoothly.

I find it really difficult to do linework with Photoshop, it doesn’t have a pen stabilizer (unless you pay for the lazy nezumi plug-in), so the pen usualy “slips” more, I don’t really know how to call this, but I don’t like the feeling I get when I do linework with it. On the other hand, I find it really funny to sketch with it, don’t ask me why xD.

When it comes to colouting, you have to find the brushes that appeal to your style the most, and it’s also really easy to make your own, you can also make patterns and such. Bad thing that you have to use the sampler a lot, in the end you have to use 3465654 tools to blend properly in photoshop, when in either Sai or CSP you only need two, and this is depending on your style.

I have seen many people doing wonders with realist style in PS (you may take a look to @i-have-no-name-v‘s works, they are awesome!) though!

Other thing I don’t like about PS is their color wheel…It works totally different to Sai’s or CSP’s, and most of the times I find it hard to pick the tone I really need. You may also need a plug in tho swap your color wheel too.

I like to use Photoshop when it comes to adding effects to a drawing, be it lightin, particles, color corrections, etc. It’s very handy for this, and it’s also a good thing that both Sai and CSP allow you to save in .psd format.

I hope this long post has been helpful to you or to anyone that needs it, as I said, I have no problem in sharing my Sai 2 brushes presets if you want, you can either reply here or send me another ask ;D