#needing to be on their level even though im an undergrad LMFAOOOO but also i am on their level but also im not. everyone who knows me irl an | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pepprs · 2 years

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the absolutely UNBEARABLE ordeals of a) having nothing new to contribute to this intersection bc ppl already found it and all the scholars have already said everything im saying and b) knowing that on top of this my contributions are lackluster because i am stupid and profoundly mentally ill 🥰

#purrs #prof ******: this is just an undergraduate project and it’s only the beginning so don’t stress yourself out. me being besties with ***** and #**** and constantly feeling like i have to amount to their caliber and also them being my faculty mentors on this project meaning they have #to grade it and also me drawing from like 5 things they wrote to use in my own thing and also having *****’s voice in my head abt the advice #he got writing his dissertation and knowing that i am NOT writing a dissertation but also im doing something that is that big for me at this #stage of my life: 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠 and they would be HORRIFIED if they knew i have this imposter syndrome about them specifically and this is #what prof brown warned me about in nov 2020 and i had like 5 breakdowns over it but still went on ahead and now every time i do anything i f #feel like im chaining all my limbs to the wall and splaying out my stomach and saying hi nice sharp talons you got there i sure do look very #much like prey right now jsut a thought. bc they’re supposed to be helping me fly and they are it’s just i am so deeply mentally ill about #needing to be on their level even though im an undergrad LMFAOOOO but also i am on their level but also im not. everyone who knows me irl an #is reading this post: 🤨🙄 but like yeahhhjjj naur i uhjmmmm. like it’s all gonna get better once i graduate and have at least one degree in t #this and finally get to start contributing to the literature alongside these fucking pioneers and titans of this field but right now it’s li #like how dare i even bother and i have felt that way for years and it’s kinda terrible that i still feel it. but also my entire existential #situation rn explains it so 💖 but yeah. anyway i feel like i am sticking a fork in a socket rn with this project and it makes me want to not #exist but it will be fine and it will be over soon but im losing my mind w overwhelm and distress rn LOL but also i am normal and it’s nothi #nothing to worry about bc this too shall pass and im on the verge of getting better 🙏🏻💕#DELETE LATER #very cringe of me to post abt this stuff to all my mutuals and not like talk to the ppl directly involved in the situation to try to make it #better but i don’t have the capacity for that rn and frankly neither do they LMFSOOOOOOO

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