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operationcavill · 3 years

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Professionals 2 - August Walker

August Walker is hired by Parker Industries to protect the companies most important assets; Mr. Stephen Parker himself and his workaholic, do-it-all executive assistant.

Part 1

*Contains a bit of a time jump

He doesn’t normally feel so guilty after speaking his mind, but he felt as if he should apologize. He settles into his room and still can’t get the interaction off his mind, the way the tone of her voice changed. He begins to log the distractions Y/N causes, in order to learn from it. It's the only way he knows how to correct himself.

Week 1 Distractions:

Humming

Scrunches her nose when reading

Rolling her eyes at me

Week 2 Distractions:

Pony tails

Making Coffee

Asked me to peel her orange

Gin Gin??

Week 3:

Cut the crust off my grilled cheese

Eating pickles as a snack

Video Calls with Joey

Refuses to call me August

Week4:

Dances in her bedroom

Waters all the plants except the one in my room

Eats too many pickles

Still won’t call me August

About a month into their stay, August finally admits to himself that he’s attracted to Y/N. He gave up on his lists and although he would never say it, made tougher security measures for her. He was now working his hardest, for her. The best thing about it was that he could tell she was doing the same, she was ignoring how she felt about him. At night, it consumed him. It was almost torture. He would stand outside her door after his routine sweep.

He’d listen to her sing along to Pearl Jam, which he did not expect at all. He could hear her laugh on the phone while talking to her friends. He could also hear her touch herself. He drove himself crazy with it. His forehead would rest against the wall as he listened to her gasp and moan to herself. He wondered how she did it. Did she tease herself? Did she use a toy? He’d let his mind run wild with the thought and when it was a particularly tiring day, he, too, would touch himself.

After weeks of back and forth meetings, long car rides, and occasional flights back to the city, they finally have a weekend free. The rest of the security is on call back at their hotel, but given permission to explore. Meanwhile, Parker, Y/N, and August are cooped up in this lake house that Parker insisted he stay at.

August checks in for the evening, making sure boss man has no plans to leave for the time being, “Go on, Walker. I’ve finally got time to catch up on sleep.” He nods and continues his sweep across the house. Y/N is not in the house, he barges into her empty bedroom, then back to the study. He finally spots her on the veranda, sipping on a glass of wine and just sitting. Every so often, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breathe.

He leans against door frame and speaks loudly, “You know, you’re supposed to tell me if you’re going out.”

She gasps, almost spilling her wine, “Shit!”

August doesn’t seem phased by her movements, “Could’ve said you’d be outside.”

“I don’t need constant security, and I didn’t go anywhere, I’m sitting on a porch.” She takes another sip from her glass.

“Actually, as part of the company, you do need security and it’s also raining.”

She rolls her eyes, her go to reaction, “I like rain.”

He looks up at porch covering, “Yeah, well, it’s too cold and foggy out here.”

“I’m fine.” He watches her plop a piece of candy in her mouth.

“Y/N—“ He gears up for yet another one of his speeches but she cuts him off before she has to endure it.

“August,” He doesn’t want to admit that he loves to hear her say his name, even if it comes out strange due to the candy in her mouth.

“The last thing we need around here is you with a cold. You’re miserable as it is.” His statement comes out harsher than he intended. He only meant that she’s already in a tough situation, and getting sick would only make it harder on her.

“You know what, Walker? You’re miserable! You have not once tried to be kind, not once tried to have a conversation with me. I don’t think you do anything but sulk. ‘Oh, I’m August. I have a mustache and a gun.’” She mocks his scowl, “I haven’t seen you smile at all, do you even have teeth?”

August wants to give her an ear full of banter but he can’t bring himself to be playful, he’s tired snd she looks pitiful. He gives her a false, but bright smile, “It’s getting late and it’s about to storm.”

She grunts as she gets up from her chair, “Goodnight.”

He notices her cardigan on the back of the chair and grabs it, making his way toward the stairs, then to her bedroom door. He stands there for a moment before knocking, trying to decide if he should apologize or not. She greets him with her hair in a lazy ponytail and a toothbrush in her hand, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you left your sweater downstairs.”

“Oh, thanks.” Y/N narrows her eyes at him, wondering why he’s just standing there, “Is there something else?” He’s sorry, but he shakes his head and bids her goodnight.

Y/N would be lying to herself if she hadn’t been noticing little things about August. She notices that he tries to hide his smile when he hears Joey ask about him, or that his eyes seem bluer when it rains. There was a particular shirt of his that was a little tighter than his others and she didn’t want to admit to herself that she wanted to see what was underneath it. She tried to deny how good looking he was, even with that ridiculous mustache.

Thunder claps just has Y/N snuggles into bed. She loved the sound of the heavy rain hitting the windows. When she was a little girl she would sit and just listen. Her brother, Jacob, would always make fun of her but it was something she enjoyed, just her and the rain.

...

The power flickers off and y/n heads to the hall linen closet for a lantern and maybe some candles for the hall. She knows she won’t be able to stop at this point in her book. The closet door swings open and she tries to catch something as it falls out. She winces at a broom smacking against the floor. Everything is still quiet, so she continues her search for a lantern. She hears a noise come from behind her and jumps. Y/N turns her flashlight toward the creaky floor and the beam lands on August, “Oh my god! You have got to stop scaring me!”

“I’m doing my job. I heard something.”

She points her light at his torso, “And came to check it out without a shirt?” She accidentally let the light linger there, taking in a very toned core. She knew he was in shape but, well, he was fit.

August tried his hardest not to stare, it may be dark but her can certainly make out her half naked silhouette, “You’re not wearing pants."

“I didn’t expect to you to ambush me while I was looking for more flashlights.”

“Such a professional business woman with polka dot panties.”

She pulls her shirt down but it does nothing to cover her, “My underwear is none of your concern.” She presses one of the extra flashlights to his chest, and walks toward her room, “Go to bed.”

Y/N huffs as she hears a knock on her door just as she closes it, “I don’t want to go to bed.”

She get’s ready to slam the door in his face but he has his hand on the door knob,“Then do something else.” He opens the door further and gives her and up and down.

“I thought you’d be the whitey-tighty type.”

“Well, that’s ridiculously out of line.” She puts her hand on her hip.

“I don’t think you care what I say anymore.”

“Excuse me?”

He closes her bedroom door, leaning his back against it, “I have a thing for bratty smart girls in cute little panties.” He drinks in her shocked expression, “What? The one time you don’t have something to say?”

“I have plenty to say.”

“You seem pretty quiet over there.”

The lightning flashes makes him look even more devilish, like a cheesy hour movie. He looks like he’s on a mission, and August Walker never abandons a mission. “I like to choose my words wisely.”

“That so?”

She gulps as he walks closer, “Yes.” She feels so exposed, as if the small lantern on her nightstand was as bright as the sun.

They’re only about a foot apart now. She could reach out and touch his chest if she wanted to, and she wants to. Just like he could read her mind, he whispers, “What are you waiting for?” She blinks hard, realizing people can’t actually read minds.

“I'm-I'm not waiting for anything.” He likes it when she’s nervous, he likes that he seems to be the only one who can do this to her.

“You’re so fucking stubborn. I see you looking at me, and I know you see me looking at you.”

He can see her brow furrow in the dim light and makes his move before she can argue. He grabs the back of her head, kissing her surprisingly softly. Her hands land flat on his stomach and he feels her nails on his skin when his tongue passes against hers. He pulls away and gently tugs her pony tail. Y/N looks doe-eyed and desperate. “You want me to go?” She doesn’t respond, “Fucking answer me, Y/N. I’ll pretend it never happened, if that’s what you want.”

[Tagged: If you’d like to be tagged, just shoot me a message or ask!]

@igotkatiepowers @xxxkatxo @lunedelorient @heartfelt-pen @omgkatinka @viking-raider @summersong69 @hell1129-blog @lilzebub @mansaaay @henryobsessed @harrysthiccthighss @cavillshmavill

*This was supposed to be all in the first part but something funny happened and they got split up!

#my posts #text #august walker #henry cavill x you #henry cavill au #august walker x female reader #henry cavill angst

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thisisridiculousdude · 3 years

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I would like to state that I am ONLY making this account to address this issue and I will not discuss it after this. I will not engage with the online community regarding this, and I will not post anything else on here. However, I need to set the record straight because you’ve involved me in a personal way when you do not know me. Hello! My name is Em. I’m the current partner of @strawberryswisherrpt3 - otherwise known as Joey Hart. There are accusations firing at my partner, and him attempting to defend himself. In the original message, I was spoken to as though I was somehow a victim of my partner, or that I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on so I’m sitting here to address everything that has been said. This will not continue and I will not engage with people I don’t know, and that don’t know me, my life with Joey, nor him at this point in time. To Kai:

1. I have never harassed you. You attempting to paint the image of me bothering you in any way is ridiculous. I have made 2 posts to you in the 4 years I have been involved with Joey. The first (that I will attach to this post) was in direct response to you posting shitty things about my relationship with Joey of which you knew nothing about. I have EVERY RIGHT to defend myself or to inform someone of the truth. Sure, I was a little harsh in it with my word choices but I was incredibly angry that you inserted yourself in a relationship you were not apart of.

2. I AM NOT A VICTIM OF JOEY HART. I REPEAT, I AM NOT A VICTIM OF JOEY HART. I will not EVER reach out to you so I can��“confide” in you about some horrific fact of a person that simply no longer exists. He has never and would never harm me.

3. You make the statement that I will never understand and you hope I don’t have to, so let me paint a picture for you. I’m 21, I start dating someone that I went to high school with that I trust with my life. He takes care of me while I’m sick, he knows all of my medical and personal information. I move across the country with him so I wouldn’t be a burden on my family. We get married so I have health insurance, and can have the procedures I need without paying an arm and a leg for them. I change my last name on my social security card with him promising to pay for me to have my license changed over too so I can eventually go back to work. He proceeds to slowly remove all food from the house, the keys from my pockets so I can no longer leave and if I do, I won’t be able to get back in. He started to speak to my mother, my daughter’s family, and my friends behind my back. He let them all know I was losing my mind, that I wasn’t making any sense and he was doing everything he could to make me happy but it never seemed like it was enough. In reality, he backed me into a corner. He was drunk. He had the windows open so our neighbors could hear him humiliate me. He yelled in my face that I was a whore. I was his wife and he could fuck me whenever he pleased. I didn’t have to tell him yes or no. I didn’t have to consent. He owned me because I was his wife. I try my BEST to fight back. I yell, I beg him to close the window so the neighbors won’t hear. I cry and tell him I love him and i’m so sorry. Do you know what his response was, Kai? Do you want to know? His response was to rip open my dress, drag me by my hair, push me over onto our bed, rip my underwear off, shove himself into me, ripping me on his way in to where i was bloody with his hand shoving my face into the mattress so he could muffle my cries.That happened over and over again. He beat the shit out of me. He starved me. He held me hostage. If I tried to book a flight home to Texas, he’d find out. He’d cancel it because he worked at the airline. My family wouldn’t speak to me. I couldn’t get a job because my IDs didn’t match. When I finally decided I was going to leave him, he ripped the cushions out of the futon I was sleeping on so I had to sleep on raw springs. He would bring home a triple cheeseburger and 10 nuggets every single night and force feed me them but if I declined, I did not eat. He took my phone and controlled everyone I spoke to and everything I did. He used my personal information against me in an attempt to have me committed. After I finally found a way out, he ACTUALLY stalked me. He followed me home on the train and to my workplace. He called DCFS on me (the time you’re referring to that Joey told you) because I took my child and fled to a dude’s house because I was terrified for my life. I almost had my child taken away from me because of him. He kidnapped my child and took her to Denver CO without my consent or knowledge. He caused my daughter to hate me because he filled her head with lies about me. To this day, my daughter is his picture on Facebook. I know what abuse is like. I know what it’s like to question your own sanity, to be so stained by what you considered love that you don’t know if you’re ever going to be able to feel safe again. I can no longer be touched without almost throwing up. I can’t answer phone calls I don’t know and I am always living in fear that he will finally find a way to kill me. You do not have a right to tell me that I do not understand what you have endured in your life because I do. You do not know me. Do not belittle my intelligence and capability of rational thinking.

3. I’m not insecure of you and I never have been. I have never been under the impression Joey was trying to date you again because he never was. 4. The final thing I have to say to you is this: Joey has never hidden anything from me. He has never tried to justify his actions. I have always been honest with him whenever he has messed up, and he is well aware of the things he has done. He has taken accountability for the wrongdoings of his past and the people he has hurt. He told me every single thing before we started dating so I knew what his past was. He never hid it. He never tried to twist it to paint himself as a victim. He point blank said “I did this” without any attempt of swaying my opinion one way or the other. I CHOSE to acknowledge the fact that this is someone with a very stained past that goes far beyond what he has done to others, and what has also been done to him. I chose to pursue a relationship with him because I respected his honesty, and truly believed he wanted to move forward and work on being a better person. He can’t UNDO the things he has done. We all fucking know this, including him. But I’m TRULY confused on what you want him to do. What you expect of him. Like, do you want him to just disappear off the face of the earth? Because that isn’t going to happen. He’s got a life, he’s allowed to be on the internet and interacting with people that he knows or is involved with. The ONLY thing he can do is apologize, take accountability, and try to be better. That’s it. That’s all he can do. And I know he has apologized to you. I’ve heard it, and he did it again in the recent message to you. You absolutely do not have to accept his apology but you cannot say that he hasn’t attempted to take responsibility verbally to you directly. Same with Sarah. He messaged her on OkCupid to apologize well after they broke up and she essentially told him to fuck off (which is totally fine, and understandable) and he didn’t push the issue. He understood why she was angry and had every right to be. He left her alone and hasn’t once bothered her since. You know this happened because you were with him when it happened. Like literally WITH him physically and found out later and were angry. So I don’t understand. You don’t owe me an answer but i’m not stupid. I’m not naïve like you portray me to be, Kai. I’m not justifying or defending his past. I’m telling you the truth, which is that the person he is today is not the person he was then and you truly CANNOT say otherwise because you wouldn’t know. No one would know. He reached out to you again on December 22nd because he reaches out to people from his past. Like you, I never really understood this, but I don’t make his decisions for him. It was probably a mistake and I’m sure he’s realizing this now, but either way, he left you alone. He didn’t message you again and he didn’t bother you. He didn’t vague post at you or say anything offensive to you/about you. He posted a photo of me with a ferret where YOU then said something shitty and he finally asked you to stop. He told you he wasn’t going to stop posting his personal stuff out of fear of what you may say. Yes, it’s your blog and you can say whatever you want. No one is stopping you or trying to. However, you clearly know he’s looking just like you’re looking at his. His message to you was not reflective of the way he once was. That doesn’t suddenly mean he’s unchanged or not a better person from his mistakes (which for the final time, what else do you want dude). It means he got upset because he posted a photo of a ferret and you copied something shitty he said to you like 5 years ago in an email as a response to something that never required a response??? it was a photo of a ferret! Whatever. In general: As I said already, I won’t be addressing any of this again. I don’t know any of you and I’m not going to pretend to. I do know my partner though and I do know the things he has done because he has been honest. He’s told me when he was having doubts about our relationship, He’s told me virtually every single thing that he’s done or experienced. He has worked very, very, very hard to work on his toxic patterns and address his past in a way that is meaningful for his future as a person, all while understanding that the past cannot be undone and taking full accountability where it is due. He is disabled, he is schizophrenic, he is neurodivergent and he has been since he was a child. Some of the behavior you comment on is clear schizophrenia. He is NOT RESPONSIBLE for his family. He does not have contact with his family. He has not been in contact with them for nearly a year. We endured the exact same thing as all of you did from his family while we resided there which isn’t okay and I don’t blame any of you for feeling uncomfortable or unsafe there. However, he can only do so much. He can only yell at his family so much. He can only demand they stop doing something so much. It’s not feasible for someone who brings in $863 a month to simply move out and quite frankly, it’s incredibly ableist to push that narrative. His family abused him his entire life. His dad was absolutely horrific to his mom, and grandmother. He harassed Susie literally to fucking death. And to be clear: none of this excuses his actions. These are not excuses, these are facts. Someone can state that they were severely mentally ill and had undergone a lifetime of abuse and trauma that caused them to act out a certain way or have a distorted sense of reality to some degree (schizophrenia), or even harm those they cared for or were near because of those things. That does not make someone a bad person. That means they have done bad things. For the final time: he cannot undo what he did. To anyone. He cannot take it back even though he DOES wish he could. ALL HE CAN DO is try to move forward and better himself while acknowledge who he was to prevent himself from being that person again. He is not perfect, I’m not perfect. But he is different now than he has ever been. He has continued to grow over the time I have known him and whether you believe that or not is not something I can control but it’s not something I’m going to continue to let spew from people that no longer know who he is. I have chosen to remain silent until now, and I will go back to being silent of my own accord because I’m not going to engage with anyone who is insistent and honestly, hell-bent on destroying a person who has done exactly what you SAY you want done and why you SAY you’re doing this “again:” so he’s accountable. I truly do not understand the purpose of this and I truly do not appreciate you saying things about our relationship that are not true. You do not know anything about our relationship, about me as a parent, about my life at all. You’ve made derogatory comments about me in the past because I lived in the house with his family since I was laid off from my job and lost my housing. You compared babysitting your siblings to me having a child alone in a hospital room at 15 and raising her by myself. You felt the need to comment on how my child would be hurt by the fact that I left relationships which I had to do because I was being raped or glass was thrown at my head. You do not know me. You will never know me, and I don’t want to know you. You don’t know him either, as I’ve said a million times over in this entire post. This won’t change anything if you’re not willing to listen to the person who DOES know him best now. This is all I have to say. I’m done now.

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muses-run-wild · 5 years

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So i’m going to test muses out on this blog and my OC blog because i already have so many muses on other blogs i think i’m going to make a mulit-muse blog. So here are the test muses i’m putting opens up for and a short bio. I’m putting this under a read more because it’s so long.

Red Dwarf fandom

Dave Lister - He the only human aboard the mining ship Red Dwarf. (Which is in space but i have a way to get him (and anyone else on this show) to most earth settings) Now he spends most days with his Hologram roommate(rimmer). A humanoid mutated version of his cat. Also a mechanoid named Kryten they picked up along the way. He loves beer and curry. he thinks he's a great guitar player. He’s also kinda lazy.

Arnold Rimmer- He was a second technician on the mining ship red dwarf. Now he is a hologram (hard light) brought back to keep Lister company. He loves the military. He can be self-loathing but also think he's the greatest thing around. He’s annoying and has not really had any relationships. He’s got a lot of issues but he can be very interesting.

The drew carey show

Lewis kiniski- He’s a janitor at DrugCo (though he has an IQ of 162). He’s kinda of a creep sometimes but has a great heart. He goes to Warsaw bar a lot with his three friends. He also is a Co-owner of buzzbeer. His best friend is Oswald.Lives above the Warsaw with Oswald

Oswald Harvery- His best friend would describe him as a man child stuck in a prolonged adolescence. He’s a Delivery driver for Global Parcel. He’s also a co-owner for Buzz-beer and a mess he Lives above the Warsaw with Lewis.

Drew carey- He has a sweetheart and works in an endless job going nowhere. (Human recourse at Windfred-louder a department store, He is the founder and co-owner of buzz-beer. He is constantly fighting with his co-worker MiMi pulling mean pranks on each other. He lives in the house he grew up in and sometimes wonders if his life is going to go anywhere.

Judging Amy

Sean potter- He works DCFS. He’s a hard-working guy who is also at odds a lot with his employee Maxine sometimes. Yet he regards her as a close friend. He is a sweet guy trying to find his backbone at work.

Maxine Gray- She is a mother of grown kids. She is a social worker at DCFS. She is opinionated, strong-willed and kinda has anger issues. She does what she needs to do to help the families and kids even if it means bending things.

Community

Jeff winger- He was once a smooth-talking Lawyer and after he was found out for a fake degree he ended up at Greendale. He can bullshit the day away. He egotistical and can come off as a d-bag but there is a heart under there. He will hit on anything thats hot.

Friends

Chandler bing -He had a boring job that he isn’t exactly a fan of. He lives with his best friend Joey. he is a very sarcastic person with self-loathing tendencies. He childish at times. He freaks out pretty easily. He has an effeminate nature.

Buffy the vampire slayer

Spike- He is a vampire. He’s British a bit punk and can be a sarcastic ass. Depending on when you find him he’s obsessing over his love Drusilla or planning on taking down the Slayer. He tends to let love control his life at times. If he cares about you he’ll do what it takes to make sure you’re ok.

Buffy- She was picked as the chosen one in high school. Now she’s buffy the vampire slayer. Her best friends are always there backing her up. She can be very sassy. Almost always had a one-liner. She had amazing strength and can kick ass. She falls in love hard and when it goes she tries to show it doesn’t hurt as much. She’s got a good heart.

Xander- He grew up being best friends with Willow. He was a basic horny teenager. He makes jokes constantly and is awkward. He has gained a lot of confidence while working with buffy. He is always hitting on girls who are usually ones he can’t get. Yet being shot down never stops him. He’s usually seen as the loser of his friend group even though he has great skills.

The golden girls

Blanche-shes a southern bell. who is very much a daddy's girl. She can be very promiscuous. She tries her best to be the classiest person in the room. Even if her actions sometimes don’t prove that. She is the owner of the house that all of the girls live in. She is always lying about her age and does a lot of beauty treatments to keep herself looking young. She has 5 children. She loves doing things like dance class, plays, and community service projects. She was a Southern Baptist girl.

Dorthy-Shes a substitute teacher. She's strong, sarcastic, grounded and she also can be intimidating, Shes very smart. She was knocked up in high school by Stan and married him. She had 2 great kids. They got divorced later after stan cheated on her. She's very tall and had a deep voice. She can sing and is very funny. She lives with her mother along with the other two roommates.

Rose- She is from St. Olaf and will never shut up about it. (Much to her roommate's dismay) She can seem naive and plain. Shes very kind. She can talk all day about the most bizarre stories. She’s crazy competitive. She can take charge here and there. Shes easily scared. She’s also pretty agile. She’s good on the piano. she can be a push-over. she has trouble lying. Shes Lutheran. She absolutely loves animals mostly from growing up on a farm. She had 5 kids with her husband Charlie. She’s worked at a grief counseling center. She loves doing charity work. She loves the tv show Miami Vice

Sophia- She was born in Sicily and references it a lot. She has no Scillian accent. Instead, she’s got a thick Brooklyn one. She has 3 children. She had a stroke which is what everyone blames her uncensored comments on) She hates Shady Pines retirement home. She sometimes hints that her family had Mod connections. She believes strongly in ancient Scillian customs and traditions. Also in the power of the Scillian curse. She makes wise-cracks and brazen remarks. She loves her roommates very much but they aren’t safe from her comments. She's the oldest in the house and everyone tends to see her as a mother figure. She loves giving advice which usually starts with “Picture it...”

Scrubs

J.D- A doctor at Sacred Heart. He tends to keep his head in the clouds daydreaming a lot. He’s obsessed with his hair. He’s very outgoing despite being physically and socially awkward at times. He’s clumsy. He loves Appletinis, Pirates, unicorns and cute things. He can come off Feminine. His best friend is Turk who works in surgery. They are constantly doing stupid stuff together and have nicknames for each other. He’s constantly out for Dr.Cox approval (Who mostly calls him girls names) His enemy is the janitor. Her got one older brother.

Perry Cox- A doctor at Sacred Heart. He tends to teach with tough love. He’s sarcastic and can be animated. He’s bitter and more emotional then he’d like to show. He rants constantly and belittles people. He actually does care and wants to push people to be better. He even goes behind the Chiefs back to make sure people get the best care. He has a sister a born again Christian. He grew up with an abusive alcoholic father. He has intimacy issues. He’s dedicated to his job so much it can cause problems. He works out a lot. Usually hates listening to peoples personal problems. He has a crush on a nurse Car;a probably cause she’s not afraid to push back. She's very strong-willed and empowered (Something seen in his ex’s) He does come to her for advice sometimes. He likes nicknames that make him seem more important than he is. He likes Scotch on the rocks, the red wings, days of our lives, He hates a lot of things lets put it at that. He’s a leo. He stretches words.

House MD

House- a sarcastic and usually not so caring doctor (head of the Department of Diagnostic medicine) He knows many languages. (Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, French, Latian. He can also read some Hindi and Portuguese. He believes everyone lies. He can play the piano and guitar. He’s anti-social. He’s cynical. His closest friend is Wilson. He’s also showed some caring for his roommate at ward 6 Alvie. He belittles pretty much everyone. He walks with a cane after an incident that left him with dead muscle in it that they had to remove. This has caused him to abuse Vicoden. He rides a motorcycle. He hides from patients. He also takes crazy risks with them. He’s even used himself as a guinea pig for drugs and medical test. Some of these were to try to help his leg. others are to help patients or help with his curiosity. He is self-destructive. He tries to hide parts of his personality with his sarcasm. He seems like a narcissist. he hates most people. He is an atheist and has a lot of issues with religion. If he cares about people he tends to consider them idiots but kinda his idiots. He doesn’t like showing affection. He’s shameless. He’s more concerned with the cases than the actual people. He likes only going by House. he’s constantly in the HR department for things he has done. He loves sneakers. He likes video games.

alvie- Juan Alvarez prefers to go by Alvie. He is Puerto Rican. He met House in the Mayfield psych ward. He is bipolar and when he's on the up he’s a chatterbox that likes to rap. Which is why he occasionally goes off his meds because it slows him down. He is very social and bonds to people fast. He makes impulsive decisions and will do a lot for his friends. (There isn’t much canon about him as he was only in two episodes. Also, i play him as trans)

Veronica mars

Veronica mars- shes a highly intelligent young woman. who helps her dad at his PI work. using the skills shes learned from her father she helps friends with cases and is sometimes hired by others. She at one point was the most popular kids. thought she wasn’t really wealthy like them she was accepted because of who she dated. Her friend's mysterious death sent her into full PI mode. She quickly became a “loser” After all the drama. After a drama-filled party that really messed with her, she went from bight kid to cynical girl with contempt with fellow classmates. She does eventually grow out of her cynicism a bit. every time she thinks she can leave the sleuth life behind it pulls her back in. She has a sheriff at the Neptune police department that helps her get info. Shes sarcastic and always has something to say. Yet she has a good heart.

#ref

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paw-patrol-kiddo · 6 years

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2017 for my regressive side

Well guys, this is it; we’re really already at the end of 2017! Hard to believe, ain’t it? Well, I normally don’t do year review thingies, bu’ I figured I should probably do one this year, mostly cause this year’s been the best out of all the years of my life- and that’s saying a lot. I mostly wanna cover what this year has held for my regressive side, also with bits of stuff that happened in my big girl life!

If ya want, I’d love if ya made one of these posts about what this year held for your regressive side and you tagged me in it! Chances are, I’ll be reading it and replying very quickly!

Anyways, time for the year review! It begins below the cut!

This year’s held a lot of things for my regressive side; a lot more than the previous years. I’m going to try and cover everything, for every month of the year!

January held my fifteenth birthday and also marked four years since I started liking diapers nonstop again, which ultimately led to me beginning to age regress. I discovered that it seems my regressive side is most active this month, something that’s really helpful to know for obvious reasons. I attempted to indulge in my regressive side discreetly to cope with stress, as I was still hiding this whole thing at the time and seldom spoke about it to Kaiya, my younger sister. I also remember that the month before, I stopped identifying as a chireb, and was trying to find a new label for myself, but was failing. This was frustrating to me.

I don’t really remember a whole lot about February! Not much that I can note, that is. Thinking about it, this month is kinda a blurry, confusing mess if that says anything; I just can’t remember a whole lot from it! I think either this month or the month after was when I gave up on finding a label and just settled on the generic age regressor term.

March held quite a bit of things for my big girl side; I began playing baseball, got my own room at last, and mourned the loss of a big part of my preteen and early teenagehood when Club Penguin shut down. Even with more privacy for my regressive side and my life in general, I mostly forgot about my regressive side around this time and moved on with my life.

April doesn’t hold a lot of notable things for agere, either. I do know that starting four months before, I started feeling other ages in my identity (I feel all the ages I regress to in my identity. Like, I feel like them and at times, that for example, I’m a 7-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body. It’s not a fun feeling) and I accepted two without a problem (10 and 11), but I continued to deny and push aside another age I felt, thinking it seemed too young. After all, I was content with my youngest being two-years-old; or so I thought.

I wanna say May started getting a bit tough. As the spring season of baseball drew closer to the end, of course, my regressive side began trying to rise from the depths. The little girl inside me wanted attention and more space. She couldn’t keep sitting back and hiding forever.

The most I could do for my little self was watch toddler and little kid shows in private, play with my toys, play children’s games online, and color. Not a whole lot, clearly, and I was still self-conscious of a lot of this. I am sure this is the time where I began feeling trapped regarding all of this.

June began to show signs of easier times. Baseball finally ended for the summer, which of course, led to the “Well dang; what am I gonna do with my life til the fall season?” moment. My regressive side, of course, took the wheel for most of the summer at this point. Hiding this was becoming very hard; I had to find some way to cope, some way to be open, anything. My little side could hardly take it anymore; this month or the next month marked four years since she first stepped into my life and you can only hide yourself for so long before it becomes too much (I had been making an effort to hide for a year or two before then).

Towards the end of the month, I finally reluctantly accepted the fact I seemed to regress to age 1 and 4 days later, I finally gathered the courage to make this blog, something I had thought about for a year, but could never do it. I told myself if I regretted it, I could just delete it, no problem; that was what I was expecting I’d end up doing.

But instead, with a place I could be little, the trapped feeling began to ease. I was scared, of course, but also relieved and very happy. In fact, I was so happy that when I went to the bathroom shortly after a brief flood-reblog, I had to happy stim for a minute or two before I could actually do what I came in there for. I gave Mom and Kaiya the link to this blog. I’m sure making this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve made this year- and I’ve made a lot.

Making the blog reminded of my love for diapers, which brought back a memory of when Mom sneakily bought some for me the summer before. Talking about it here was really hard at first and took a lot of courage, but if you can’t tell, I can do it without flinching or hesitating now. After a quick chat with Mom, I decided at last, I’d finally try them whenever Dad left the house for a few hours (shout-out to the anon who sent that ask after I posted about it, you’re amazing and I hope you had a wonderful year. We need more people like you. Also, I started happy stimming when I reread the ask before linking it here).

Also, I rediscovered Small Elephant (I received the lil guy as a gift a year before and played with him once, but never got too attached to him) around this time and idk what exactly happened or how it did, but apparently, I ended up attached to him and I still am. He’s my lil vacation/severe weather evacuation buddy now.

July was a blast! I finally tried out my diapers shortly after Dad left to help out at a vape and tattoo shop he volunteers at and by the time I finally changed out of my first diaper, I had officially decided I was wearing them for the rest of my life (not as in 24/7, but... I’m sure ya know what I mean). The only problem is that because I was used to seeing what all the a/b/d/l community advertised, I ended up developing a rash the second time I wore and had to learn how to take care of myself properly mostly by myself with the occasional help from Mom and the internet (and literally now is when I see everyone from that community talking about the proper way to do things...).

The day I tried diapers out, I tried out regressing to age 1 to see how I’d like it and well, the rest is history. ;)

Kai relearned of the diapers this month (read it once somewhere on my blog according to Mom, then I had to tell her about a sample pack on the way, and then Mom had to have a conversation with her about it in the car when they were the only ones in there) and said she was cool with it and briefly even began joking about the whole age regression thing (in a friendly way, mind you).

I told Kim, my older sister, about my regression, and she took it wonderfully, of course. I also told a friend of mine about my regression and liking of diapers, who also took it just fine and showed a lot of support for it.

I began to indulge more and more into this and I even had a friend who also age regressed by the end of this month (Rayyyyyyy~).

I went to Florida with Mama, Kai, and a former (? I don’t even know anymore, honestly) friend of Mama’s and it held some interesting adventures there, too! I took Small Elephant places, regressed at the beach twice (@ Kai, psst. Remember when I trapped you in that hug and almost sunk us into the ocean? Well, there’s your reason why), got a Winnie the Pooh book from Goodwill, and indulged in some tasty smiley fries one afternoon! Clearly, this month is one of the best for my age regression. The little girl inside was happy; I was no longer feeling trapped.

August was pretty wild. Small Elephant came with me to Georgia; I don’t think he got to come along on any adventures outdoors, however. I got a jack-in-the-box style toy with a mama kangaroo and her baby joey inside. I also regressed at some point at our cabin and enjoyed running around outside just before a storm blew through. Mom chose to tell someone about my age regression without my permission (talk about a thought to occupy yourself down the lengthy lazy river) and thankfully, that person was fine with it. I was thinking about telling her not too long before, funny enough. I’d prefer permission and a warning before telling someone, though, aha.

I got two “0+ months” pacifiers that month from Mom and literally spent 2 hours sucking on them, save for when I briefly stopped to switch; needless to say, my TMJ relapsed very quickly after around six months of absence of symptoms, aha.

My ex broke up with me (I got with him back in May), despite promising that no breakup would happen 3 days before. This was mostly a good thing, though; no more worrying about how and when to tell him about the diapers and age regression! I’ve been single since and content with it. The thought of telling my future boyfriend(s) this is terrifying, but maybe he’ll be fine with it. Maybe I’ll even meet someone who also likes diapers (nonsexually, mind you) and age regresses as well! I imagine that’s a once in a blue moon thing, though.

We also told Dad about my regression and he took it fine, something that surprised me, as I was genuinely not expecting it. Mom didn’t tell him a lot and eventually, decided to back off for a bit temporarily after mentioning that I “liked to act like a 7/5-year-old sometimes” and that I liked pacifiers and wanted one (this was after I got mine). According to Mom, he didn’t respond to the pacifiers thing and honestly, it’s still kinda scary (if it’s the no reply I think it is, I got him to do it back in October and it’s really unsettling). I don’t know what it means and I don’t think I want to know. He still doesn’t know about the pacifiers to this day. It’s wild.

September held its own adventures. I finally rediscovered an old bag of Mom’s (I mostly remember it because she had it when I was an ‘’actual’’ toddler) and what’s inside? A baby bottle I held on to for three years from when my parents had me treat Puzzle Piece as if he were a baby, thinking it’d rid of my age regression tendencies (if anything, I think this just fed it tbh). I planned to wash it and perhaps try it out or look into a new one.

This also held a notable visit from my older sister. She was told about my liking of diapers and you probably guessed it, her response was coming to my room (I panicked and ran away while she was on the way to the living room after Mom called her in there), giving me a hug, and saying, “I love and support you no matter what you do”. My sisters are great if you can’t tell, and I also mean that outside of agere.

The night before the diaper reveal, Mom noticed me lying on Kim while she rocked the recliner one evening and Mom offered to rock me someday while Dad was gone, something I accepted pretty quickly. I got Mom to rock me for the first time ever two days later. Mom also told me that Dad was fine with the rocking, hence why I was rocked literally right next to him at some point, and he even said he could rock me someday. I don’t think I could do that, though; age regression related stuff is really hard to do around him, and I’d be too worried about his back (he has a bad back).

That month, the day before the rocking part took place, I finally gathered the courage to actually refer to her as “Mommy” on here, along with “Daddy” for Dad. It honestly feels so good to do. I just find it sad I was so scared to use those words at first thanks to the kink/sters. I refer to those two regularly by those titles, mostly to try and reclaim those words as innocent, pure words I call my parents occasionally, rather than terms that are tainted with reminders of ki/nk. Mommy’s easier to use, because I’m closer to Mom than Dad (as of late, that is), and also because “Mommy” isn’t as corrupted as “Daddy”.

I got a Pooh Bear sleeper the day of my second baseball game of the fall season. It’s soft and it makes me feel like a toddler; the only problem is that it’s so easy to overheat in it (which really sucks because I’m hypersensitive to heat and can’t handle getting really hot) and sleepers take up a lot of room in a dresser.

Oh, and this month, Mom called me a nick name she uses for me quite a bit now; “My baby”. Out of all the nicknames I know, I never thought of that. I still melt when she calls me it tbh.

October was a mix, really. I don’t remember a whole lot involving this, really. Rocked by Mom again, got another sleeper, and witnessed Kaiya prove that she was okay with the whole diaper thing by insisting she was fine with it, actually going to the adult diaper aisle with us at Wal-Mart (she stayed a bit away from us, though), and when the cashier bagged the diapers up, she moved so dang fast and had them hidden in no time. I know this because I watched her load other stuff into the cart and she was much more relaxed. I did see her look into the cart at some point before we went to check-out, so perhaps she memorized what the package looked like so she could hide them? Idk if she remembers it or if she’d even want to talk about it, so... Who knows

Towards the end of the month, something began happening. I don’t know what, but it eventually led to me becoming depressed again for a little while, but we’ll discuss that in a few minutes. I discovered I was so indulged in my regression I actually forgot aspects of myself and chose to take a break for a week the next month. I came back feeling better about agere and somewhat better about myself in general. I still don’t understand what happened, but it hasn’t happened again since. Hopefully, it’ll never happen again.

November was a pretty miserable month for me tbh. Has a few good or at least neutral parts, mostly in the beginning, of course. One of these is that I discovered that I can go so deep into my baby mindset (I refer to my 1-year-old self as a baby for brevity) that I’ll chew on things without a thought and well, perhaps that other part’s a bit tmi. I also finally tried out my bottle one evening; very comforting and relaxing.

In the middle of the month, I struggled with accepting that perhaps I did need meds after all (spoiler: I definitely need them) and stress from this, a fixation on childhood trauma, and chores, which were gradually becoming stressful instead of enjoyable, began building up. I began to fall back into a depression, something I was in denial about the entire time.

It was this time that I noticed I was having a harder time regressing, something that was terrifying to me. I was scared that perhaps my regressive side was going dormant; one of my biggest fears is that I stop regressing for good and I was scared that was what was about to happen. That was, until one night, I had an involuntary episode briefly. I didn’t think much of it and went on with my night as normal once it concluded. I don’t know why I didn’t become concerned; involuntary episodes are rare for me, after all. But then, I thought I was about to have a block, so I guess that’s why I thought nothing of it.

I tried my best to cope with everything, but it was futile. One night, just witnessing the dog we were dog-sitting have an accident and having to take all three by myself while they all cried and tried to get out just made me snap, I guess. I fell deeper into my depression, began craving to be an actual baby/young toddler again for the first time in a couple of years, and briefly began having involuntary regression episodes every night. Wearing a diaper to bed and having Small Elephant with me every night for a couple of nights, drinking from my bottle one night, spending more time with my pacifiers, and easing up on everything I could helped pull me out of it.

I still don’t understand what exactly happened, but I hope it never happens again. Also, I guess this confirms that I have involuntary regression episodes when I’m overly stressed. Hopefully the next time this happens, my regressive side will keep me afloat, like it always has.

December was pretty good! I got rocked again by Mom while I was being bottlefed by her, got a new bottle and a toddler snack, and got more toddler snacks later on that day (again, Kaiya moved them to another bag quickly before Mom gave me the bag with them inside). Dad learned about the bottles and snacks and thankfully, is alright with it. I wish it was the same way with diapers. He still doesn’t know about me wearing diapers behind his back, as you probably guessed, and it will stay that way for a while.

I think I kinda cheated another depressive episode, but? It never came. I was just really grumpy and easily upset for a while, to the point of punching my bed and stomping, which I hardly do (heck, I still am as of right now, but it’s calmed down some). I wish whatever my brain’s doing would stop, because it’s getting rather annoying and I’d rather not spend any longer whining frequently and worrying about getting upset to the point of punching or kicking my closet door off its hinges or something. :’)

Christmas was great; I mostly got big girl gifts (see: My new camera) or at least neutral gifts (see: My stim toys and maybe my Pikachu necklace), but I did get a few things that appealed to my regressive side, like a set of five different Paw Patrol puzzles, a penguin plushie with my name written on its tummy (glitter and everything!), and an Animal Jam playset thing!

To end this year off, I got a sippy cup, one of my most-wanted regression items around that time. Now, if only I could actually bring myself to wash my bottle and sippy cup in the dishwasher (they’re top rack safe)... I guess I can start off the new year washing them after I listen to Bring Me to Life or maybe while I’m listening to it, hee hee hee.

As you can see, I had a pretty wild year full of adventures and experiences! You know what? Why don’t I mention some folks who played a role in making this year the best?

Mom - Mom, I think you know how you’ve helped. You’re literally a big aspect in this post. When I was 12, I thought I’d never have your support about all of this, but now, here we are. You’re my mommy and I’m your baby and I always will be. I love you.

Kai - Sis, I think you see your role here, too. I thought you’d never support me, either, but here we are. Thank you for being cool with the diapers and everything else and always being respectful about it. I love you. Also, sorry for almost drowning us that time

Kim - You don’t get on Tumblr anymore, but I figured you deserved your own spot here, anyways. You haven’t gotten to see a lot, but you’ve still been very supportive of all this. Thank you for being fine with it and loving me for who I am, no matter what I choose to do. I love you. Also, I still can’t get over the fact that you seemed to do so good with little me that one time and you didn’t even know I was regressed at the time and you literally treat me how you treated regressed me all the time, but I still can’t get over it

Ray - You were my first friend who also age regressed. Tbh, I’ve admired ya from afar for like, a year before we started talking, but I was always scared to talk to ya. Thank you for being so supportive, helping me out and offering help for things occasionally. Also, thank you again for the regression moodboard ya made in the past for me! I still think about it a lot, and have looked at it so much that I’m pretty sure I have it ingrained into my brain.

Bug - We haven’t known each other for long, but I wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in me and being my friend. You’re adorable and so sweet (and so is your fursona. I love seeing other people’s fursonas, ahhh). My bumblebee plushie told me to tell you he said hi~

Leah - We haven’t known each other for long, either, but you’ve been so sweet to me the entire time we have. Thank you for the times you’ve checked on me when I didn’t seem to be doing so well. We need more people like you. Honestly, your kindness is goals for me; I’m always wanting to be kind at all times and you’ve got that perfect amount, it seems.

All my other followers - I can’t list all of y’all, so I figured y’all should get your own honorable mention in one go~ Some of you I’ve known almost as long as this blog has been around (6 months!), some of you I’ve only recently gotten to know. I don’t know why y’all followed me, but I appreciate it. Thank y’all for following me, sticking around, and just being all-around cool. Y’all are adorable and lovely and I love y’all (and so is everyone else who got a specific mention. Yes, I love you guys, too).

I think 2017 is the best year for my age regression by far and the best year of my life in general. I’ve learned things, laughed, cried, shook from excitement and fear, grinned, and stimmed in many different ways for many different emotions. I can finally be myself without feeling as much shame. An autistic, ADHD teenage girl who is occasionally in diapers and often feels more like a little girl than a teenager sure is an interesting thing to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I don’t know what 2018 could bring, but I am ready for whatever it throws at me, whether it be pie (fun fact: I have never eaten pie before), problems with other people about this, or a pack of diapers.

To all my fellow age regressors, I hope 2018 brings you lots of happiness, acceptance for who you are by others and yourself, and anything you may want for your regressive side, whether it be more toys, a sippy cup, or a lot of marathons for your favorite cartoon/anime/TV show. Even if it’s hard for you right now, it will get easier; I promise.

Happy new year!! Stay little/tiny/smol.

#Chloe babbles #Warning to those who click: Get ready for The Longest Tumblr Post In History #I'm serious. I'm surprised my browser never crashed or froze while I was writing this #Anyways. Thanks to all those who were involved in this year and made it great~#I'm gonna be going quiet for the rest of the evening because this seems like the perfect way and post to end this year on #I'll see y'all next year!!! Get it?? Hee hee hee :3c

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steveburgos121 · 7 years

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Stolen from Aguilar

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Briana Ileen Aguilar Burgos 2. Are you outgoing or shy? I am mostly outgoing but tend to stay to myself. 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My girlfriend but im fucking scared cause her parents lowkey want to kill me 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes unless you’re an ignorant asshole 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes but they would probably make me do something funny, record it, then help me. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? People who are short, have a little girl voice, can have their hair look so good when it’s up, can rap No Vaseline by Ice Cube, have a dog named charger, the first letter of their first name is B and make fun of my big head. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes this girl is now stuck with me forever. As soon as she kissed me she sold her soul to me  8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Selena Gomez  9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah it’s natural, unless you mention my parents doing it then fuck you  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My homegirl Aguilar  11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Please keep your head amor. Everything is okay  12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 1.) Chanel - Frank Ocean 2.) Ain’t It Funny - Danny Brown 3.) Legend Has It - Run The Jewels 4.) Land Of The Free - Joey Bada$$ 5.) Am I Wrong - Anderson .Paak (I know one of these isn’t like the others)  13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No it’s uncomfortable cause my hair looks fucking flawless… unless you’re my girlfriend then pull my hair while you’re at it 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes, there’s a lot of good things that happen to people for it to all just be coincidence  15. What good thing happened this summer? I finally let go of a lot of tension that I slowly built up for two years  16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Without hesitation tf BRING THAT ASS HERE BOIII 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes, the universe is to big for us to be the lonely ones  18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Ha no 19. Do you like bubble baths? I haven’t taken one in a long time so maybe 20. Do you like your neighbors? Don’t really know them  21. What are your bad habits? I have the worst fucking memory in the history of ever 22. Where would you like to travel? Coachella 23. Do you have trust issues? Terrible  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Laying in bed after a long day 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Stomach or Neck 26. What do you do when you wake up? Go back to sleep 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter, I wanna be a light skin 28. Who are you most comfortable around? My family, cousins, and Briana 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No just they’re sorry but didn’t explain why 30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes, I’m planning to wife her down 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? I tried to grow my hair out last year, I gave up after 7 months 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? I don’t know that’s weird to think about maybe Katy  33. Spell your name with your chin. Sgecr  34. Do you play sports? What sports? I started running Track this year, one of the best decisions I’ve made in awhile  35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Ha fuck tv  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? I think everyone has 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Nothing I just make weird noises from my mouth, like clicks or pops 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Look @ answer 6 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Urban Outfitters, Finish Line, Hot Topic 40. What do you want to do after high school? Go to college 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yes, people are human and it sucks  42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I don’t want to interact  43. Do you smile at strangers? No that makes me and probably them feel uncomfortable  44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? That’s so hard because space would be crazy but imagine what kind of things you could see at the bottom of the ocean… this one is hard 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Trying not to fail school and dropping out to become a stripper 46. What are you paranoid about? If I’m ever good enough 47. Have you ever been high? No but it would be interesting to try it out 48. Have you ever been drunk? Nah fuck alcohol 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not recently, I’m not sure if ever 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red, my Nike hoodie I wear to track 51. Ever wished you were someone else? Someone who isn’t always angry all the time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My height, I wanna be taller 53. Favourite makeup brand? All of them 54. Favourite store? Finish Line 55. Favourite blog? Frank Oceans 56. Favourite colour? Marine blue or dark red 57. Favourite food? Spaghetti or chicken bread 58. Last thing you ate? Cocoa Pebbles 59. First thing you ate this morning? A sandwich my loony made me 60. Ever won a competition? For what? My track team won our first meet by 28 points if that counts 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No I’m a good boy 62. Been arrested? For what? Still a good boy 63. Ever been in love? Currently 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? We were watching Netflix in eight grade 65. Are you hungry right now? I’m always hungry it sucks 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? My only tumblr friend is my girlfriend in real life so I like them evenly 67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook sucks ass 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tweet tweet motherfucker 69. Are you watching tv right now? I don’t even have a tv in my room 70. Names of your bestfriends? Briana, cutie, Aguilar, hot stuff, cutie with the bootie, wifey, princess Bri, baby Bri, on and my lovely girlfriend. 71. Craving something? Look at question 1 72. What colour are your towels? Blue 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 I need more fluffy ones 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? With two yes 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Like 4 I think 75. Favourite animal? The one with hair and eyes 76. What colour is your underwear? Dark blue and grey 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookie Dough 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? A non existent color 80. What colour pants? Sky blue shorts 81. Favourite tv show? THE WALKING DEAD 82. Favourite movie? Logan , ever since I watched it I haven’t stopped thinking about it 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean girls, never seen the second one 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 Jump Street, that shit is hilarious 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The girl 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? That’s so hard to choose 87. First person you talked to today? My Father 88. Last person you talked to today? My amorcita bonita 89. Name a person you hate? Miguel 90. Name a person you love? Briana 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Miguel 92. In a fight with someone? Not at the moment 93. How many sweatpants do you have? I had two but my girlfriend stole and I think I lost the other one 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 10 maybe a little less 95. Last movie you watched? Get Our 96. Favourite actress? Dafne Keen 97. Favourite actor? Hugh Jackson and Robert Downy Jr. 98. Do you tan a lot? When I was lifeguard yes 99. Have any pets 4 little dogs 100. How are you feeling? Very very very tired 101. Do you type fast? Not really, this has taken multiple days. 102. Do you regret anything from your past? A couple things, maybe not in the future 103. Can you spell well? Well 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes but then I remember who tf I am 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No but I want to go to one that would be cool 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes it’s funny 107. Have you ever been on a horse? In Mexico in like 2006 108. What should you be doing? Sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? I can’t see my girlfriend for a month 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? I’m not sure 111. Do you have trust issues? Wasn’t this question already asked? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Briana, like a million times 113. What was your childhood nickname? I didn’t have one 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes multiple times, Cali and Mexico 115. Do you play the Wii? No but I should start playing it again 116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, Lite Weight by Anderson .Paak 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I think so? 118. Do you like Chinese food? Fuck yeah, especially P.F Changs ughhhh I want some now 119. Favourite book? I think it would be a tie between The Great Gatsby and Man’s Search for Meaning 120. Are you afraid of the dark? Nope the dark is the most relaxing thing in the world 121. Are you mean? Lowkey yes and I hate it 122. Is cheating ever okay? 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Yes, I could probably be a sneaker head if I wanted to 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? No you can’t love someone without getting to know them dafuq this isn’t a Nicholas Spark book get that shit out of here 125. Do you believe in true love? Of course, I never knew how strong it was until I got my best friend 126. Are you currently bored? I’m doing my psychology book review so yes 127. What makes you happy? My girlfriend, family, music, and track 128. Would you change your name? Nah I actually have learned to really like my name 129. What your zodiac sign? ♋️ 130. Do you like subway? I liked it better when I got it for free 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Date the shit out of her 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Your mom jk my novia 133. Favourite lyrics right now? I see both sides like channel 134. Can you count to one million? Is that even possible? 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I’m 12 inches my mans 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed but I want them open 137. How tall are you? 5'7 138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette 140. Summer or Winter? Summer fuck snow 141. Night or Day? Day I hate nights 142. Favourite month? October 143. Are you a vegetarian? No maybe I should be… SIKE I love my meat 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark chocolate 145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee 146. Was today a good day? Yes my highlights were my baby and track practice 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? We gon be Alright 149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes shit is scary 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “If my lack of emotion had not surprised me from the standpoint of professional interest, I would not remember this incident now, because there was so little feeling involved in it.”

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a-silly-person · 3 years

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TAGGED BY @memes-saved-me THANKS!! 🤙🤙🤙

1. why did you choose your url?

It’s a Monty Python reference, from the French taunt scene— “I blow my nose at you, son of a Silly Person!”

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why?

HAHAHHA. Alright. I have…. 29 side blogs.

Not all of them are great or curated, but here are some that are:

My art blog: @theboneyaard

— @sha-ka-re (my Star Trek side blog)

— @oh-here-is-a-map (art insp)

— @not-on-rex-manning-day (kitsch)

— @history-hour (history)

— @cinemorphia (movie stills/reblogs)

— @79-camaro-n-a-bad-attitude (my gay fanfic insp but also just a blog to put cars, surfing, and hot girls and guys)

— @foggyneonsign (it’s in the name)

— @vacant-field (insp for a story I’m writing)

— @girlguides (inspiring femmes)

— @eyegreaser (my personality distilled into blog form)

I actively operate 12 blogs lmfao adhd BAY BEEE

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Early 2013?? So like… eight years?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Fuck no I just dump this shit into the ether Lmfao

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

my best friend irl @hexcolour had a tumblr and they introduced it to me lol

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love yugioh a lot and this is a photo taken from the PS2 game Yu-Gi-Oh! Capsule Monster Coliseum after you kick Joey Wheeler’s ass lol

7. why did you choose your header?

I love 21 from Venture Bros my dude

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Oh god it’s probably either this horrible post I made in 2013 based on a Harry Potter thing or this art I made of Orville Peck (follow my art blog @theboneyaard for more of my work!)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t fuckin know dude and I’m not even sure how to check that shit LOL

10. how many followers do you have?

431

11. how many people do you follow?

681

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

This specific blog is shitpost central command, that’s why I got so many side blogs lmfao

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Maybe an hour a day, more on rainy days

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

LOL absolutely, I had this anime role play blog back in the day and there was this troll blog who used to run around telling everyone to kill themselves and we had a good old battle— Who won? Nobody. We were fighting on the internet in a fandom, and in that situation everyone loses

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Virtue signalling isn’t the same as being accountable, informed, and participatory in the dismantling of unjust systems. So yeah basically “you need to reblog this” is complete horse shit cause it gives the impression you’ve done something productive but you Have Not LOL

16. do you like tag games?

Yes I don’t always do them but I remember back in the day on Facebook in like 2009 these types of things were huge and I loved doing them, it’s like a quizilla

17. do you like ask games?

Nobody asks me dick but I love getting asks

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@hawfstuff and @hexcolour are like actually low key internet famous or at least they’re gonna be very soon LOL

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Jsjsjjsjsjs no

20. Tags

Imma just tag my irl pals lmfao

@ahanarinasweater

@nugget-city

@hexcolour

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northshorehealthandfitness · 7 years

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The Rotator Cuff and Boy Bands

Hey there.

If you’re a human being reading this blog post it’s a safe bet you 1) have impeccable taste with regards to the strength coaches you choose to follow 2) have a pair of shoulders and 3) are likely interested in keeping them healthy and thus performing at a high level in the weight room.

NOTE: If you happened to have come across this blog post by Googling the terms “world’s best tickle fighter” or “The Notebook spoilers”….welcome!

I’m a little biased given my years of experience working with overhead athletes and meatheads alike, but I’d garner a guess that nothing is more annoying or derails progress more than a pissed off shoulder…or shoulders.

My friends Dan Pope and Dave Tilley of Champion Physical Therapy & Performance just released a stellar resource, Peak Shoulder Performance, that’s perfect for any coach or personal trainer looking to help their clients/athletes nip their shoulder woes in the bud. AND it’s on sale for this week only at $100 off the regular price.

The Rotator Cuff and Boy Bands

Guess what most people think is the cause of their shoulder woes?

The rotator cuff.

Guess what’s likely not the cause of their shoulder woes?

The rotator cuff.

It’s lost on a lot of people that the “shoulder” isn’t just the rotator cuff.

I mean, N’Sync back in the wasn’t just Justin Timberlake, right?

JC, Lance, Chris, and Joey (<— didn’t have to look up all their names) deserve our respect and admiration too. They all played key role(s) as individual entertainers to make the group more cohesive, successful, and relevant.

The phrase “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” has never rang more true than right here and right now, reminiscing on long past their prime 90’s boy bands.

[Except, you know, we all know Justin was/is the only one with talent. He can sing, he can dance, he can act, he’s got comedic timing. He’s a delight.]

The rotator cuff is Justin Timberlake.

It gets all the credit and accolades and attention with regards to shoulder health and function. However, the shoulder consists of four articulations that comprise the entire shoulder girdle:

Glenohumeral Joint (rotator cuff) – Justin

Acromioclavicular Joint – JC

Sternoclavicular Joint – Lance

Scapulothoracic Joint – Joey and Chris

I’d make the case, and this is an arbitrary number I’m tossing out here (so don’t quote me on Twitter), that 90% of the shoulder issues most people encounter can be pin pointed to the Scapulothoracic area (shoulder blades) and what it is or isn’t doing.

The shoulder blades, since you have two of them, are Joey and Chris.

Think about it:

Justin, JC, and Lance were generally considered the heartthrobs of the group and were always taking center stage, out in front, and amassing Tiger Beat covers.

Conversely, who was in the shadows, in the back, presumably doing all the heavy labor, regional Mall appearances, and B-list talk shows the other guys didn’t want to do?

That’s right…..Joey Fatone and motherfucking Chris Fitzpatrick.

Lets Give the Scaps Some Love

All of this is not to insinuate the rotator cuff alone is never the culprit or that pain in that area should be shrugged off and/or ignored.

When lumping shoulder pain and rotator cuff into the same sentence we’re often referring to something called “shoulder impingement.”

Shoulder impingement is a thing – loosely defined: it’s compression of the rotator cuff (usually the supraspinatus) by the undersurface of the acromion – and it is a nuisance.

There’s even varying types of shoulder impingement – Internal vs. External Impingement. Moreover, just saying “shoulder impingement” doesn’t really say anything as to it’s root cause.

Many factors come into play:

Exercise Technique

Poor Programming

Lack of T-Spine Mobility

Fatigue (rotator cuff fatigue = superior migration of humeral head)

Faulty Breathing Patterns

Wearing White Past Labor Day

And Scapular Dyskinesis…to name a few

Just saying someone has “shoulder impingement” and telling him or her to perform band external rotation drills (oftentimes poorly) till they’re blue in the face doesn’t solve WHY it may be happening in the first place.

Often, the rotator cuff hurts or isn’t functioning optimally because of something nefarious happening elsewhere.

It’s the ol’ referral pain phenomenon.

And on that note I’d like to point your attention to the shoulder blades.

Release, Access, Train

I have a lot of people/athletes stop by CORE because their shoulder(s) don’t feel great. Many have gone to several physical therapists prior to seeing me frustrated they’re not seeing progress, and if they are it’s often fleeting.

Full Disclosure: I know my scope and am never diagnosing anyone or anything.

Actually, Things I Can Diagnose = poor deadlift technique, poor movement in general, and epic poops vs. average poops (#dadlife).

Things I Can’t Diagnose = MRIs, musculoskeletal limitations, gonorrhea.

I find it amazing, though, whenever I do work with someone with shoulder pain, how much of a rare occurrence it is anyone took the time to look at how their shoulder blades function or move.

If the scapulae are in a bad position to begin with (maybe in excessive anterior tilt or downwardly rotated) and/or are unable to move in all their glory (upward/downward rotation, anterior/posterior tilt, adduction/abduction, elevation/depression), is it any wonder then, why, possibly, maybe, the rotator cuff is pissed off?

Photo Credit: EricCressey.com

While not an exhaustive list or explanation – everyone’s their own unique special snowflake – the following approach works well for many people:

Release

Scapular position is at the mercy of the thorax and T-Spine.

Those in a more kyphotic posture – think: computer guy – will tend to be (not always) more anteriorly tilted and abducted.

Those in a more extended posture – think: athletes/meatheads – will tend to be (not always) more downwardly rotated and adducted.

In both cases the congruency of the shoulder blade(s) and thorax is compromised often resulting in an ouchie.

“Releasing” the area is often beneficial:

youtube

Access

Now that the area is released we can then gain “access” to improved scapular movement by nudging the ribcage/thorax to move via some dedicated positional breathing drills.

Think of it this way: if the ribs/thorax are unable to move because they’re glued in place, how the heck are the scapulae going to move?1

A few of my favorites include:

NOTE: Which one you use will depend on an individual’s presentation. A good rule of thumb to follow would be for those in a more extended posture to include breathing drills that place them in flexion and vice versa. There are always exceptions to the rule, but for the sake of brevity it’s a decent rule to follow.

All 4s Belly Breathing

youtube

The Bear

youtube

Supine 90/90 Belly Breathing

youtube

Prone Sphinx

NOTE: I didn’t discuss it in this video but I’d also encourage people to include a full inhale/exhale with each “reach” or repetition on this exercise.

youtube

Train

Now that we’ve released and gained access to the area, we need to train. Specifically, almost always, we need to improve one’s ability to move their arms overhead (shoulder flexion) without any major compensations.

In order to do so, the scapulae need to do three things:

Posterior tilt

Upward rotation (which, as a whole, describes the end goal)

Protract

All three entail utilizing the force couples of the upper/lower traps and serratus anterior in concert to help move the shoulder blades into the upwardly rotated position we’re after.

There are a litany of drills and exercises that can be discussed here, and it’s important to perform a thorough screen/assessment to ascertain which ones need to be prioritized.

That said, here are some that tickle my fancy:

Prone 1-Arm Trap Raise (Posteriorly Tilt – Low Traps)

youtube

Quadruped Rockback Floor Press (Protraction – Serratus)

youtube

Half Kneeling Band Overhead Shrug (Upward Rotation – Upper Traps)

youtube

Bye, Bye, Bye….

Not sure if my rotator cuff/Boy Band analogy made sense or resonated, but I’m going to go a head and give myself a pat on the back for attempting it.

It’s not always about Justin.

Remember: give Joey and Chris their due diligence too….;o)

For more insights on shoulder shenanigans I can’t recommend Peak Shoulder Performance enough. Dan and Dave go into detail on:

Functional anatomy of shoulder impingement, rotator cuff tears and labral injuries

Technical faults in the major lifts (bench press, snatch, dip, overhead press) and how they cause injury (and how to correct them).

Specific rehab protocols to return to the major lifts mentioned above.

Programming and periodization methodologies to reduce injury risk in the future.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

It’s on sale this week only (ending on Sunday, 10/15) for $100 off the regular price, so act quickly.

—> Peak Shoulder Performance <—

The post The Rotator Cuff and Boy Bands appeared first on Tony Gentilcore.

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preachbold · 7 years

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"In the Eye of the Storm - Where Do We Go Now?" - Joey Ferrell

Many of my friends and all of my family know that my dad and I have a newer camper that we store near the ocean in the panhandle area of Florida. It makes it much easier to just hop in the truck and go for a few days that way instead of twice the time to haul it back and forth to Tennessee.

Well, that proved a little challenging this week. As you probably already know there is a hurricane heading toward Florida. A big hurricane. A very powerful hurricane. Hurricane Irma has already caused billions of dollars in damages, lives lost, and areas that were once prime "paradise" spots to be totally demolished and she is pressing hard toward the land in which I live and love - the United States. More specifically, the Southeastern United States. Even more geographically specific - multiple paths could include nearly the ENTIRE state of Florida!

Of course, not to discount the effects of Hurricane Harvey from just days gone by, the southeastern United States is hunkering down, evacuating, making all kinds of preparation to either brace themselves, seek shelter, relocate - temporarily or permanently, and just basically survive this Category 5 storm which looks to have imminent landfall in just a matter of days and hours from the writing of this blog.

I live in Tennessee. My wife and I own a residential building lot in the panhandle, but we do not have any property there that is destructible outside of the improvements of the subdivision that we pay annual fees for that our lot is part of. But, let's move back to the original paragraph here. My dad and I do co-own a camper. And it is normally located in Florida and is currently uninsured because of policies of our insurance companies not allowing for out of state storage. This equated to worry on our part, which in turn led to a 17 hour, 1100+ mile trip over a 27 hour period of time in the middle of an already busy week for me to move the camper to higher ground in Alabama. From the looks of the projected paths, we probably would have been okay with just leaving the camper in its storage area, but with that area only being between 7 and 10 feet above sea level....well, the camper needed some preventative maintenance anyway...so dad and I made a trip to the camper, arrived in the Forgotten Coast area at midnight, hooked up, drove about 25 miles, camped in a church yard that allowed us to use their hook ups (which we still had no electricity, but that's another story) and then another 100+ miles this morning to Alabama to the RV dealer. All good. Safe and sound, and we are back home - tired, but safe and in our own beds tonight. Enough about my story - here is the reason for the blog....

We were ultimately concerned about getting back to Tennessee in a timely manner when we decided when to leave. Otherwise, we may have decided to not even go based on later forecasts; however, it seemed best to leave on Wednesday midday to not be in evacuee traffic on Friday. That proved to be true...for the most part.

This afternoon (Thursday), we crossed Alabama, into Georgia, and then into Tennessee at the Interstate 59 and Interstate 24 junction. Along the way, we passed several cars that looked as if they may be heading to higher ground, but nothing really major, or not much traffic out of the ordinary on this route, until we made that last junction at 24. If you look at a map, you may see that 24 is a leg off of Interstate 75. And, of course, 75 comes directly out of Atlanta from the "gut" of Florida - all the way to the tip of the state. I paused at a stop to pull up the picture in this post on my traffic map on my phone to see how traffic was flowing. Wow! Just take a look at it. Well, once we got on 24, we had about 70 miles until our exit. Between the time we got on 24 to the time we exited the interstate, I probably could have numbered the civilian automobiles with a 3 or 4 out of 5 with Florida license plates. The remaining were mostly bordering states such as the Carolinas, Georgia, and Alabam. Very few cars were actually from Tennessee.

As we traveled, I would pass car after car after car after car. The majority of these cars were going well under the posted speed limit - which I found quite odd...until I noticed something. Nearly every car had at least one person in the passenger or rear seat that was looking at either a phone, a tablet, or an actual map. One poor guy had a map spread across his lap while he was holding the steering wheel with one hand and the map against the window with his elbow to keep it folded out (not very safe!). It dawned on me at this point that most of these people seemed to just be driving. They either didn't have a location in mind to which they were going...or they just had no idea where to go. My prayers are with these people. I have a lot of friends in the state of Florida, and their safety is on my mind right now...night and day. I want us to take a couple of minutes now, though, and look at a biblical perspective and application of this scenario. How many times in life do we find ourselves in the "eye" of a storm - not necessarily a hurricane, or tornado, or major storm, but a spiritual storm...the kind that doesn't seem to be going away! Maybe it is that nagging addiction such as pornography, or maybe deceitfully using someone, or alcoholism, or any number of other vices that satan uses to tempt and destroy our souls with. How many times can you find yourself running from the storm...looking for shelter...looking for a safe refuge, but really don't know where to find it? Even for the long-time Christian, this can be quite a challenge. I want to share some verses with you that can help us all to remember where our refuge, our strength, our soul's every help can be found in hopes that it may help you or I or others that may be facing their own storms - whether physical...or spiritual. 1. God IS our strength - Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

2. God IS our help - Psalm 34:17

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles."

3. God IS our shelter - Isaiah 25:4-5

"For you have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat; for the breath of the ruthless is like a storm against a wall, like heat in a dry place. You subdue the noise of the foreigners; as heat by the shade of a cloud, so the song of the ruthless is put down."

4. God IS our deliverer - 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."

5. God IS our peace - Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God..." To those who are trying to escape the hurricane that is on its way, words cannot help much outside of what God promises. However, the words of God can strengthen, encourage, and give peace. To those who are trying to escape spiritual storms, these words, and the rest of the Bible can help us to know how we can escape and find refuge. My prayer is that if you are in harms way - physically or spiritually, that you will seek God and let Him help you!

May God bless you.

Joey Ferrell

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beefybrit-blog · 7 years

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Day 1

As I sit here lying on my sofa, waiting for the fast food to come, the events of the past few days have affected me greatly. Last night I went and saw a music school perform as my girlfriend was in it with a group of people. She is a great drummer, having come from nothing to being able to keep a beat for half a dozen songs from memory in about 6 months. Between the ages of 12 and 15 I was an avid Drama enthusiast, my love for music, drama and public performing has never really left me. I always get a tingle before they roll out on stage to do their thing.

As I sat there watching in-between sets, I saw the stage floor. It’s a soft rubber matting that doesn’t reflect light and is extremely grippy. I remember what it felt like to be on that, especially in just socks. You felt glued to the ground, your every step slightly cushioned by the rubber absorbing your energy. Felt good.

Food just came, my Mrs is off to see her family this weekend so we had a ‘goodbye’ meal of ‘Tost’ which, since I’m in Turkey right now, means ‘Toast’. It’s basically a toastie with extra shit inside like Salad and stuff, well see for yourself.

Not good for you, but tasty. Anyway, I decided last night that once my girlfriend had left that I would fly right. Before I came down from 160kg to 100kg. I then put back on 25kg, since I hit my goal, I lost the track. I was so focused and disciplined, I even lost weight on a 10-day holiday. But I lost it all. I want that back. I figure the best way to do that is to set myself another goal.

I originally set 100kg as a goal, because at 160kg I thought to myself ‘No Fucking Way Can I Ever Get there’ I went past it and got to about 98kg. It’s weird, I’ve never actually written it down, seeing it go from 3 digits into 2 is a strange thing.

So I’m starting at 125kg and here is me. Anon. I am going to sign myself up for a bodybuilding physique competition next year (2018) so I have a goal. Having a structure, like I did before, will enable me to remain focused and concentrate. I believe I have what it takes this time. I’m ready to make a go of it.

I’d managed to Vlog most of my transformation, but keeping up with a daily vlog, I realised that my life as it was, was way too boring to vlog about once a week. I would set myself unrealistic goals and ambitions. And never ever keep to them. I figured that writing my thoughts down and just spilling onto a keyboard might be a better way of tracking it, including photos of highlights, rather than trying to maintain a ‘WHATS UP GUYS THIS IS JOEY SALADS’ kind of personality that YouTube content is driven by.

I can’t blame YouTube, but I do feel as though I’m not ready to continue my Vlogs, since I’m down in the dumps about this whole weight gain thing. Once I’m back on track, I’ll try to transition into doing both. I’m sure at least 100 Blogs a day are started about ‘This is my first day’ and I’d wager that 90% of them fail in the first few weeks. I’m going to try to succeed in keeping up with these entries once or twice a week, some might be shorter and some might be longer.

I’d say that my knowledge of Diet, Fitness and Nutrition rivals about 80% of the publics, that’s not to say I know everything, it’s to say the public are massively ill-informed about both, I’ve read the books, watched the videos and asked the right questions. So I will be making the correct choices in that respect. One of my friends, who I met at the gym, offered me the advise of not eating carbohydrates after 5 o’clock. He is very lean and looks great, but I didn’t even bother explaining the logic flaw to him.

Him, like many others, look for that ‘1 Method’ of doing something. If I stop eating this I’ll lose weight, if I don’t drink that I’ll lose weight. And sometimes it works, but not for the reasons they think. These methods/theories/techniques often work because these people radically change several things at once and they see results, however, they tend to glorify the catalyst that started it all i.e. not eating carbs after 5.

The best diet is one you will stick to, the body responds to consistent changes over time and doesn’t like flip-flopping between extremes. Moderation is the key, no matter what you say or see, moderation is the key. Sooner or later, those who don’t moderate (like me the first time) eventually burn out.

My first massive weight loss, I completely cut dietary fat out of my diet for a whole year, all I got was the bear minimum from chicken breast and a few eggs and nuts. Not even close to the RDA. You know what happened? My Testosterone, a hormone that uses saturated fat to synthesise crashed. I’m not sure the exact science about what happened, but my body shut down producing testosterone.

I noticed it when I felt so incredibly weak, wasn’t making any gym gains, ZERO sex drive, tired, moody and just feeling off colour. One of my co-workers at the time said I looked anaemic, so pale, weak with bags under my eyes. I knew I wasn’t, since I give blood regularly and they test for iron levels before they take the blood. I ordered a ‘Full body blood test’ off the internet. Why would I do that? Because if you go to the NHS and say, ‘I feel rough’ they will make sure you don’t have anything deadly, which is fine, and then begin a very long process of finding out the rest, sometimes not even doing that. I know a little bit about cars. I spent years fixing up my land rover, I can diagnose what’s wrong with my car these days to a close margin. When I go to the mechanic, I can tell them pretty much exactly what is wrong and what needs replacing. Then, them being the experts, will tell me if there is anything more. I took the same approach with my doctor, I went there with a professional private medical blood test result and showed them.

To their surprise my testosterone, which an acceptable tolerance is between 10nmol/L – 31nmol/L, mine was 1.8nmol/L. The NHS use a different tolerance than this company whose limit is lower, but as you can see below. I was half way to losing my manhood!

After a whole YEAR of tests including an MRI, Ultrasound and several blood tests, they couldn’t find a reason. Doctors can be very ignorant when their patient suggests something like diet. But that’s by-the-by in the end I went for treatment privately since a whole host of NHS incompetence’s left me massively under dosed for 6 months, causing me to feel worse not better. I am now on 500mg of Sustanon a month which I inject into my quad once a week. Lesson for every man, don’t neglect dietary fat.

It took about 6 more months to feel the effect. So a 2 year payment for a stupid mistake. But I started getting my old self back eventually and made gains etc, I even went on to compete in strongman competitions and training. Although I was seriously bad!

So other than that, that’s been my life. Now it’s time to change. Now it’s time to set another goal and stick with it. A goal has to be SMART

Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Time based

So my smart goal is this:

I want to compete in a bodybuilding physique competition in 2018, although not officially released, the dates tend to stay fairly similar each year. May 26th is my date . I will measure my progress with 3 steps, short term goal, medium and long, the latter being to compete. It is attainable based upon the large timeframe I have given myself and it is also realistic because of that. Time based, meaning I will track myself weekly to gauge my aesthetic appearance and my weight.

I will start with a 16 week ‘Cutting Period’ During this time I will lose 30kg at a rate of 1.8kg per week following a strict diet. I will measure if my progress IRL is matching with my predicted progress and adjust as needed, I will be setting my goal to what I know is safely attainable, through personal experience and research recommendations. Once this 16-week cutting period is over, I have left myself 4 weeks to pick up any slack and make any corrections to the diet, meaning, if I arrive at my goal weight/physique of 90kg and I am still not happy, I have time to continue before moving onto the next step, this should bring me to October 2017.

If I am on course I will begin ‘Lean Bulking’ on a small caloric deficit each day. Until a physique which I believe is presentable has been attained. Since the competition is on May 26th that will give me 6 ½ Months before cutting down 8 – 12 weeks prior to the competition date.

I am aware of the emotional problems, since a member of my family has terminal cancer, they will likely die during this period, I am prepared and won’t let this affect my progress.

I am determined. I am ready for it. I’m not ready to share my social media or anything yet, nor will I be posting pictures on my social media until I am confident enough, this is, after all a mind-game.

Wish me luck buddies.

Love you Bye.

#weightloss #mensphysique #bodybuilding #bodyunderconstruction

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markyishanthonymartinez · 7 years

Text

1/20/17

my name is mark anthony martinez and this is my day.

i vlogged today and i figured it’s kind of pointless to double down on this blog and actual youtube vlogs, so today’s blog will be a bit short considering that.

woke up. there’s a lot of iffiness around me so the first five minutes of being awake usually involves making sure i have a grasp of what iffiness i dreamed and what iffiness actually happened. like last night involved something on a boat. like i was on a cruise and like my bae kinda just decided to be with another guy, the guy was like a carbon copy of me but a lot more caucasian and thinner and less harsh features overall, the whole time and for some reason i didn't confront them until like the final dinner of the cruise and like i just remember getting into a fight and slipping off the boat and then waking up cause it turned into a falling thing where i’m scared cause i’m falling into the water. like what even is that dream. there’s definitely a lot of detail that i can't remember, but yeah i probably won't be going on any cruises soon. at least like the next week or two, ya’know? okay so anyways, confirmed my life is still iffy, but not anywhere near as iffy as if i lost a girl at sea and got into a fight that i obviously lost by falling into the ocean. i actually ate breakfast before getting into my routine of editing and uploading and transferring and whatnot, which is good i guess? (funny thing about the word whatnot, for a long-enough-to-be-memorable amount of time, my myspace name was Mark&Whatnot and people loved it, it was like the markyish before the markyish (let’s be real though, at this point Markyish is my entire brand and i could never shake it if i tried)). But yes i ate and got ready and stuff and then went into that stuff. Finished my complete write-up for “Red, Green, Or Inbetween” by WSTR (pronounced Waster, it took me forever to figure that out). It’s a solid record, but the vocals are so overproduced throughout that it legitimately annoys me at times. i think i’m giving it a 6, it could've been a lot worse, but it could’ve been a lot better. however, being the bands debut full length gives me hope that they can really shine in the future. look out for that review soon i promise. mnj got home and of course i asked him why he was home so soon. he fed my fish, that fish would be dead x10 without him. we ate and watched soccer again. that’s pretty standard. freiburg was playing bayern munich, they took the early lead, but couldn't hold off bayern’s attack and ended up losing 2-1, rip. we watched some youtube again, we don't watch a lot of the same youtubers since i’m super into vloggers and stuff nowadays, but we still both really enjoy watching the sidemen’s gaming videos so we usually watch those together.

then omg okay i listened to potentially one of my favorite records of the year. as it is’ new release “okay.” is immaculate. like wow. they used to be that really annoying pop punk band that was way overproduced and the vocals were too whiney and they made everyone other than fangirls want to kill themselves. like they had one catchy tune, but i really did not like the rest of their music, but leave it to them to progress immensely and put out an amazing record. i’m talking potential 9 club people. it was catchy, it was poppy, it was diverse. they played around with lower tunings they’ve definitely never used. the lyricism was sick sick sick. there was hardly any songs that i was just like oh okay guy likes girl, girl doesn't like him, sad boy now. nah like there’s one about a grandparents death, and one about being a bad sibling, and ones about not being okay and that being okay, and the themes and lyricism are 100000x more than i was expecting from this band and really good for anyone’s standards. this record is legitimately quality, i promise. here’s a link to the youtube playlist. if you can't get past the vocals, darn, but really worth a listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpZL8cbLq4o&list=PLsBWlr67U5NsBbWZyypkhNmXzuJycASJr&index=1

okay loved loved loved that record review coming asap as well, but it’s behind the wstr record in the line so it’ll have to wait a sec. i played fifa with logan and joey. we played pro clubs and are now at the cup final thanks to two penalty shootouts and a rage quit. literally a rollercoaster of a session. but then kyle came to my house and we went to go grab logan and came back and bags was here and hopped in his whip and we wentttttt. to a place to eat. the most un-mark place ever and i feel kinda gross supporting the business but kyle paid and it was a gift card so technically the damage had already been done. the food wasn’t that great. it’s overrated. probably never again. then we wenttttt to midway and played games (i don't think i rly need to hide this part). we spent way too much money. like you don't want to know. i was just trying to win another pokemon to be friends with pikachu but i couldnt get the markyish magic to come through in the ring toss (which is how i originally won the pikachu). I was sad.

at this point i’ll probably just be sad forever.

then omg. (okay i need to stop acting like anyone other than me and potentially erin cranor here and there will ever read any of these). okay mark and potentially erin. WAIT before the omg part, we played hella arcade games. i beat logan in mario kart and bags beat him in boomerang air hockey and logan and kyle played this shooting game for like a yearrrrrr, they kept putting in coins to get more lives but they kept dyingggggg. but then, of course, we found our way to the basketball arcade thingies and leave it to us to become so ridiculously hooked on them and cause a scene. in our defense it was the best deal, it was only 50 cents and like every other game was a dollar plus, f that. i’m trynna ball up and get my money’s worth. okay but i went haaaaam. jk like they obvi didnt know, but i’ve always been sick at arcade basketball, i’m horrendous, disgustingly bad, cancerous even at normal basketball. but arcade basketball i’m literally lights out, it’s all in the wrist. *flicks wrist* “look at the flick of the wrist (the wrist)” but yeah i’m sick, don't ever challenge me. your grandchildren’s grandchildren will be paying off your debts.

SPEAKING OF DEBTS HERES THE OMG PART. we’re walking the parking lot, logan pulls out a 20, slides it to bags, “put it on red” mind you this is already after spending way too much money on midway and arcade games. okay okay but then, apparently squads on the financial up, cause kyle slides in, hands bags another 20 and says to the guy, “put it on black.” OOOOOOOOOOOO WE COOKIN. BUT THEN MARK jk mark didn’t do shit, mark’s a little bitch #realtalk #fuckmarkcausehesstraightedge #eventhoughthathasnothingtodowithgambling we could talk for days about how lame mark is, but we won't. WHY cause logan has bigger balls than um those big balls that you can win in the giant cranes and midway games, those. idk how he fits them in his pants but he manages. anyways logan, hands bags another 20 he says he says he says “put it on black” ooooooooooooooo this dude logan is sooooooo feelin’ himself. Bags hasn't used his gambling ability yet so he has no idea what to do. he literally awkwardly stands at the roulette table, like right by the actual roulette thing. he does this for like 15 minutes until everyone clears out and the lady realizes he’s trying to play and kinda half helps him half thinks he’s an idiot. he then proceeds to play, we kinda chill over to the side cause technically me filming and us even being close is v much against any and all rules. he even gets a lil comfy and orders a drink when asked. legit, five minutes after he starts playing he walks over to us, lookin’ all doofy like he always does and just straight up “i lost all of it. i literally got it wrong every time” we, of course, die laughing. moral of the story is gambling is bad and if you do it you’ll probably be a disgrace to your entire lineage. jk just don't ever let bags gamble for you, instead try gambling against bags.

we drove home singing much too loudly in the car. we made sure to drive by trump tower and play our country’s new national anthem, thank you yg for your beautiful efforts. other tracks played included freaks and geeks by childish gambino, baby blue by action bronson, and of course the wonderful bad and boujee by migos. (lol autocorrect really really really wanted that to be amigos).

my b is bad and bougie.

do fun things. stay beautiful.

- mark anthony martinez

#markyish #diary #dairy #moo

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