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acacia-may · 1 year

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More Than My Life [Mystwalker Fanfiction]

Story Summary: He should have listened to her all those years ago. If he had, he probably wouldn’t be lying on what very well could be his deathbed with a gaping wound in his stomach that had been meant for her, and she wouldn’t be standing guard quietly in the corner as her insides coiled and twisted. She wouldn't be contemplating if for once in her life she knew what it was to be truly and utterly scared…

When King Jellal is seriously injured protecting Erza Knightwalker, the words he couldn’t say and the feelings she wouldn’t admit are finally brought to light.

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confession, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Post-Edolas Arc

Relationships: Erza Knightwalker and Mystogan (aka Edolas Jellal) Romance and Friendship; Mystwalker; Edo Jerza

Characters: Erza Knightwalker (POV Character) and Mystogan (aka Edolas Jellal)

Rating: G

Warnings: Mention of some injuries as well as some non-graphic discussion of non-depicted violence related to those injuries and discussion of the treatment of those injuries. Spoilers for Edolas Arc in Fairy Tail but there should be No Spoilers for 100YQ.

Word Count: 2762

Links to original posts on AO3 and FFN. Please do not repost to another site.

Story Below the Cut! Thank you so much for reading!

Erza Knightwalker had been called many things in her life, but scared was not one of them. If anything, people had been scared of her—but of course that had been ages ago now, in what almost felt like another life. In some ways, perhaps it had been another life—after all, this was her second chance at life or maybe even her third, fourth or fifth given how many times she had almost perished given her particular line of work. Still, her king had offered her a chance to start over, and even she could admit he was kindhearted despite her belief that he was far too apt to forgive people who didn’t deserve it, people like her. When he had chosen to commute her sentence from the banishment or execution she likely deserved to working with him in rebuilding the kingdom that she had nearly pushed to the brink of destruction, she had thought the newly-crowned monarch was either totally naïve or completely out of his mind. When he had appointed her as his personal bodyguard, she was sure he must be a little of both, particularly after he had been genuinely surprised the first time she had taken a serious injury in his place.

“I never thought you liked me very much,” he had said, and Erza had merely blinked at him. King Jellal was far too smart to be this stupid.

When she had asked him, as respectfully as she could manage, why he had seen fit to make her his bodyguard then, he had twitched his mouth just barely in the corners and said, “Well I needed to think of some kind of punishment for you.”

She hadn’t realized then that this was his dry sense of humor talking, but humor or not it was a concerning sentiment. “It’s not much of a punishment,” she had insisted.

To which he had replied, “You believe you should have been banished with my father.” It hadn’t been a question.

“It would have been a just sentence.”

His smile had widened then for just a split second, and the expression of his face had softened, “You and I have very different ideas of justice then, Captain Knightwalker.”

He should have listened to her all those years ago. She was not so arrogant as to doubt the king only...if he had listened to her and sent her away, he probably wouldn’t be lying on what very well could be his deathbed with a gaping stab wound in his stomach that had been meant for her, and she wouldn’t be standing guard quietly in the corner as her insides coiled and twisted. She wouldn't be contemplating if for once in her life she knew what it was to be truly and utterly scared… Something panged in her chest, and her eyes burned, quickly growing misty.

“Captain…are you crying?” asked a hoarse, strained voice. Erza turned immediately towards the king who was lying weak, pale, and languid in bed as would be expected from someone who was so critically injured. As she rushed to his bedside, her only concern was stopping him from straining himself. In truth, what he had actually said had barely registered until he repeated, “Why are you crying, Captain?”

Erza’s brow furrowed. Crying? Surely, she wasn’t…

Erza’s jaw fell a bit slack as she pressed her fingers against her face and felt the damp trail on her cheek left by an unbidden and unwanted tear that had somehow struggled free. Her cheeks grew hot though she was certain she blushed even more when His Majesty asked, “Are you okay?”

Ezra was far too respectful of her king to roll her eyes, but a sigh did escape her mouth. He was unbelievable—absolutely unbelievable—mortally wounded and worried about her of all people. No wonder his subjects adored him. He truly deserved to be considered “the king of the people.” The difference between him and his father, King Faust, was almost night and day. “I’m fine, Your Majesty,” she assured him hurriedly. “Are you alright? Do you want me to fetch the doctor?”

The royal physician had only just recently stepped out for the first time since he had sutured and bandaged the king’s wounds. Erza was certain he hadn’t gone far. She could likely even catch up with him if she ran fast enough, but His Majesty said, “No, thank you. I’m alright. Please let poor Dr. Sequen have a bit of a rest.”

Erza quirked an eyebrow at him and his bold-faced lie, not to mention his concern for his royal physician, a scrawny old man who had, naturally, been running himself ragged over the last several hours trying to save the young king’s life, but that was his job and one he was more than happy to do, she might add. If anything, he might be upset that he wasn’t summoned immediately when His Majesty had woken up.

“Captain, you could use a rest too,” he said before Erza could begin to insist His Majesty send for medical attention. She shook her head briskly, and King Jellal sighed. “Would you at least sit down, then?”

With a sigh, Erza decided it was probably best to oblige his request before he hurt himself on her account, again, so she quietly took a seat in a chair at the bedside. After several moments of silence, she decided to give her report, “They’ve apprehended the assailant, and he and his accomplice are awaiting trial. The…the attack was intended for me, not you, Your Majesty.”

King Jellal nodded. “I figured as much.”

Which is exactly the reason you shouldn’t have made me your bodyguard, Erza mentally continued. There were surely countless people who wanted to hurt her, who wanted vengeance for the horrible things she had done under the reign of King Faust. It wasn’t fair for King Jellal who put an end to his father’s tyranny and ushered in an era of peace for Edolas to have to pay for her misdeeds. Even this de facto assassin seemed to think so since, as she had heard from some of her men, he had crumbled into a sniveling, apologetic mess when he realized he had stabbed the king in her stead. In his defense, she supposed, he had no way of knowing that King Jellal would jump directly in front of the swing of his sword and push her out of the way—no one did, least of all Erza herself.

“I’ve failed in my duty to protect you, Your Majesty.”

She hung her head but could hear King Jellal hum thoughtfully. “I suppose that is one way of looking at it.”

“With all due respect, Your Majesty, what other way is there?” she questioned, glancing up at him again with a slight tilt of her head.

The corners of his mouth twitched just barely with that thoughtful, almost imperceptible smile she had come to recognize after years as his most trusted bodyguard. In many ways it seemed saved only for her and those moments when she was far more frank with him than a servant should be with their king. “That I succeeded in my duty to protect you.”

“Your Majesty, if you are the one protecting me, I have no right to call myself your bodyguard. It is almost nonsensical. When your subjects learn I have allowed you to be injured in my place, they will insist I be stripped of my rank of Captain in your Royal Army and perhaps even imprisoned or banished for treason.”

As something almost affectionate passed over his eyes, King Jellal tilted his head. “I think they will understand.”

“Your Majesty, your people are not as forgiving as you.” Erza sighed. “Though they are good people, they are also reasonable ones. They will never understand why their king would risk his life to protect his bodyguard.”

“Perhaps,” King Jellal admitted quietly; however, his expression softened. “But I can only hope they will understand why their king would risk his life to protect the woman he loves.”

Erza’s face grew suddenly warm, and she was sure her cheeks must be swiftly turning as red as her hair as her heart began to race. She shook her head slightly. Surely, she had misheard him…or perhaps infection was setting in and he was becoming delirious with fever. His Majesty, however, merely bit his lip as the faintest tint of pink flushed in his cheeks.

“I apologize. That was not how I intended to tell you. I’m not sure I intended to tell you at all, but I do think you should know…” He swallowed hard. “I do care for you—more than life itself it would seem.”

There was something so sincere in his dark eyes that Erza found she could only blink at him. Had she been any less helpless, she would likely have thought it was almost pathetic in a way—the former Great Fairy Hunter of Edolas rendered completely speechless, empty-headed, and useless by a few ardent words, even if they were utterly unexpected. As Erza continued to blink blankly at him, King Jellal sighed and averted his gaze from her, but he continued, “I suppose in a way it was unfair that I kept it from you. I hope you’ll forgive my selfishness in concealing my true intentions.”

“Your…your what?” she finally but barely choked in a somewhat garbled whisper as her cheeks flamed red.

“Nothing improprietous I assure you. It’s only…my affection for you is much deeper than merely a king for his bodyguard, and it always has been. And earlier today, when I saw that swordsman coming right at you and…your back was turned already fighting with another one, I…I realized that I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. I’m sorry.”

Erza shivered under the intensity of his gaze, but there was something so kind and so gentle in his eyes. She swallowed hard. It dawned on her that for the second time in her life she had absolutely no idea what she was doing with herself thanks to a completely outlandish declaration from King Jellal. She should have probably come to expect it by now, but this was not a pardon. This was not a commuted sentence. This was a…a…she could scarcely bring herself to even think it. Could this really be a declaration of…of love?

“There’s no reason for you to apologize, Your Majesty,” she stumbled. “But…uh…um…” Her voice hitched, and she stopped abruptly, mentally kicking herself for sounding so wavering.

“I’m afraid this is yet another time we will have to respectfully disagree, Captain. I have put you on the spot and made you uncomfortable, and for this I am very sorry.”

“No, uh—” she began to say she wasn’t entirely sure what, and, as much as she would never admit it, she was actually somewhat relieved when His Majesty interrupted her.

“Please don’t feel obligated to say anything just because I am your king,” he gently insisted. “If anything, I hope you have grown to see me as not only your king but also your friend.”

As Erza somehow managed a brisk nod, King Jellal smiled. “Then as your friend, I humbly ask for your forgiveness for being so forward and for making you cry.”

Erza touched her cheek, checking for yet another unbidden tear, but it was dry. His Majesty must still be referring to before.

“I’m the one who should ask for your forgiveness. It was completely inappropriate for me to…”

“Please, Captain. I know it’s selfish of me to ask but…”—His face flushed a rosy pink— “if you would just, please, consider indulging me and allowing me to believe that perhaps you were crying for me and for yourself.” The blush of his face deepened to a flaming red so crimson that it resembled her hair and clashed terribly with his. He buried his face in his hands. “That sounded…horribly wrong. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to cry, of course, ever, for any reason, but when I woke up and saw those tears in your eyes, I…I didn’t know what to think. I guess I thought that perhaps…perhaps it was possible that…that it was something deeper than just duty. That maybe you weren’t just mourning what had happened to your king, but…” His voice trailed, and Erza’s own cheeks flushed rose.

After a long heavy pause, she took a deep breath. “It was. It was more than that…” Erza confessed at last though she couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. “I…I didn’t want to lose you, Your Majesty, especially not because I couldn’t protect you. I don’t think…I could live with myself if you died to save me.”

“I don’t think I could live with myself if you died to save me either, so I’m afraid we’re at a bit of an impasse, Captain Knightwalker.”

A breathy chuckle escaped Erza’s mouth. “Once again.”

His Majesty chuckled a bit himself before his expression softened. “I don’t regret it, protecting you, I mean. I would do it again, a million times over—as many times as it takes. I hope at least now you can believe me when I say I love you more than my own life, Erza Knightwalker.”

Erza’s cheeks grew hot, but she stumbled her way through a nod. “I do. Though I’m not sure I would have without you taking a stab wound for me earlier,” she admitted.

“I do appreciate your honesty.” His lips twitched, and there it was again—that secret smile. “I suppose it was worth it then, to be able to tell you that, at least once in my life.”

Something twisted in Erza’s stomach as an almost sickening sense of dread began to rise in her chest. “Once?” she repeated in an almost garbled voice. She stood from her seat and turned to rush out the door to fetch the doctor, but she stopped abruptly as His Majesty’s hand reached out to gently grab her wrist.

“No, please. I…I’m not on my deathbed, I can assure you—injured, yes, but I’ve been hurt much worse than this before, believe me.” He offered her a slight, reassuring smile that faded as he continued with the faintest pink tint in his cheeks, “I only meant that…if you don’t return my affections, I…I won’t express them again out of respect for you.”

Erza blushed, but she sighed. “It’s not me you should be worried about, Your Majesty. You should be thinking of your people—what they’ll say, how they’ll whisper and gossip about you if you try to pursue a woman who is merely a soldier, a bodyguard, and a criminal…”

“They don’t see you the way you see yourself,” he insisted with something so kind, so ardently devoted in his dark eyes that Erza could almost believe him. “And even if they did, I’m sure that when they got to know you they would see everything in you that I see and would know what an amazing person you are.”

“You have a very good heart, Your Majesty,” she replied, turning away from him with rosy cheeks and a bittersweet smile tugging at her mouth. “But you deserve someone worthy of you.”

“I can’t imagine anyone is more worthy than the person who has stayed by my side—fought by my side with an unshakable loyalty and who has always been willing to die to protect me.” King Jellal gently pressed his palm to her cheek, and as he whispered her name, “Erza…” her heart raced. “I love you, but I don’t expect anything from you. If you don’t love me, I understand. I will never mention this again and will hope you can learn to forgive my forwardness and remain my friend. But please only refuse because you don’t love me, not because you’re scared to.”

Scared. Erza Knightwalker had been called many things in her life, but scared was not one of them…and she was not about to take up that title now, no matter how apt it might be. She could only hope that the rapid beating of her heart wouldn’t betray her as she leaned forward, snaking her arms around his neck. Her warm breath brushed up against his skin as she hovered mere inches away from his face. “I’m not scared…” she whispered before she finally erased the space between them with a kiss.

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