If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why? // @queencvbra

The constant holier than thou 'the entire community should cater to me personally' schtick. It's been around forever, it's why this site got such a reputation for superfluous application of cancel culture, but I've noticed it seems to have risen from the dead lately.

People who think others should only write content that appeals to to their own lifestyle, people who think going into a collaborative hobby without regard for the limits or problems of their followers makes them a superior being, people who don't understand why some people might not be comfortable with all facets of a canon or even fanon, couching misogyny and biphobia in alleged support of other communities...

These are just examples I have seen more than once. Members of my community taking it for a personal attack if people write romantic/sexual dynamics or discuss their own personal lives on the dash. Those who believe that because they do not tag triggers or in any way 'cater' to the audience they expect to interact with they're somehow the ones victimized when people curate their experiences away from them. I've caught so much Hell just for saying I don't care for a major franchise and find the writing of canon stale at best and genuinely insulting at worst, and I am not the only one. People who believe all M/F is het and thus inferior, because like, why would an amazing awesome man ever want to stick his dick an inferior pussy?

I think too many people on this site have a stick up their ass about things that, and I say this with all due respect, do not matter outside of their own comfort. Unless the content is being written to actively harm, unless it is problematic content that out and out reflects the hateful or harmful beliefs of its author, unless people are genuinely at risk because the content exists, then block and move on. You should always block and move on if the content is anything less than that, and by the same card, stop acting so surprised if other people block and move on if you act like a self-righteous dickhead for forgetting this is a collaborative hobby that takes partners and their myriad views/experiences/comfort into account.

I’m not used to this...

Coping with new disabilities is beginning to come to my realization. I don’t want to have disabilities. Who does? Mine are pretty invisible too. My therapist was the one who suggest part-time disability for me. It blew my mind and put me in an outrage. Why would I even think about applying for part-time disability when my best friend who has been disabled since pretty much birth cannot even get on it. She has suffered her entire life. I have always struggled with my trauma. In hindsight, it’s a wonder why I was even able to keep a job. I suppose with the patience and love of Andrew Fusaiotti, owner of Andrew’s Imports. He knew my father. He didn’t know all the trauma my father put me through. My own father denied the abuse when I confronted him so the thought of anyone else believing me would be like discovering unicorns existed in my mind at the time. We both struggled to understand my disorder. How do you cope with or even express something you don’t realize you have? 

As my stress was doubled by the new intrusion from my mother, my disorder worsened. I couldn’t handle the full time pressure anymore. I needed the space to focus on myself and my problems. I just didn’t realize it at the time. This is all hindsight. The only work place I ever knew existed was the environment at Andrew’s so when I went to a new environment at my new part time job at O’Reilly’s. I saw a lot of things I appreciate MORE at the corporate owned chain than the small family owned business. But likewise I saw the problems with a chain as opposed to a family owned operation where you basically get to make your own rules. I only had to experience the corporate environment at it’s most basic and part-time level. I can’t speak for the full-time workers or store managers. I understand now why Andrew expected me to dedicate my life to the business. It’s not something I understood before because well, my family was not a family. My husband expected the corporate treatment from the family owned place and it bothered him as well that I was being messaged at home for things to do with work. That is what I liked more about the corporate environment. BOUNDARIES! But again, in hindsight I’m realizing some things about that. When you are part-time, you aren’t invested in the company the same. Andrew expected me to be as invested in his company as him (totally understandable now that I see that) when the entire time I was trying to focus on establishing my own career in photography. So we were clearly confused about our expectations of each other. I’m totally invested in my business now and spend every waking moment working toward it. That is what Andrew was doing and expected us to do with him. Looking back it feels like “duh Ashley” but I don’t blame myself for lacking experience and knowledge. I blame my parents for that one. As much as I LOOOVED my job at Andrew’s Imports, I am happy I made the choice to leave. Not because of them (they were just the push that made me move) but because I have expanded and matured in ways that wasn’t possible there. We were too disconnected from what we expected of each other! The space helped me see and learn. I’m still so thankful for Andrew for giving me a job that day when he knew I was on my own. My own family didn’t even care. 

So now I am on my own and doing my own thing and still running into issues with my trauma. It became a disability. I have C-PTSD. My special recipe includes borderline, chronic anxiety, dissociative disorder, short-term memory loss, depersonalization-derealization episodes, apparently seizures????? (that one blew my mind), mania, rage and aggression. I would have mental breakdowns constantly and have to go home when I worked at Andrew’s Imports. They got worse too when my mother came into my life. I got a little bit crazy. My trauma was triggered and I had all kinds of unexpected reactions to it. It has taken me several years to figure it all out and get a clear picture of what I went through and I’m slightly embarrassed by it but it’s the past and cannot blame myself for having been traumatized and not knowing how to deal with it. The main thing is that I have bounced back gloriously. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle. Today is one of those struggles which is why I am writing about it. It is helping me calm down. I was getting really upset. And this mini break has served me well. So, I am going to go back to creating photoshop custom shapes for my collection. I just got done making a religious symbols set and I’m considering making a computer/tech set. Oooo I need to make a horror set too for this new production company I’m working with. Oooo and then I could make a fantasy set! I haven’t even finished making my own handwriting font. I got excited and moved forward and never went back. It’s not a priority anyway, it was just for fun. 

Image Credit: Jake Fischer