i need some kind of crisis hotline i can call to talk me out of wanting finger tattoos

I explained the Spirit banner threat today

I explained the Spirit banner threat today to a very sweet couple in their 70s. You gotta follow me a minute. There’s no boomer and ‘greatest gen’ meme stuff here. It was actually a couple hours of fun stories back and forth.

The guy’s mom was a single mom. Imagine: a SINGLE MOTHER... that means in the 1960s, almost 15 years before a woman could own a credit card -1974- because credit cards didn’t fundamentally exist yet. If you didn’t have funding, you largely didn’t eat, or you relied on a store owner *individually* approving credit when they wanted. This is the subject of 70s horror shows for a reason. See also the first episode of “Tales from the Darkside” and “Twilight Zone” reboot, “The Card.” A single mom when you could just be locked up for various shit. Damn near no social resources. Way less than what we have NOW. A single mom who was a *waitress.* Some of you are doing the math, here, and how we legally start at often HALF the typical minimum wage. (Thanks, racist white people! 1930s racist policies are why that exists!) He never wanted to see another waitress struggle like his mother had, ever.

He was so proud of his mom! It must have been late ~1960s (the 60s! Jesus, Black folks couldn’t even vote yet! Not guaranteed, really. MLK era, we’re talking.) when a real rich guy went to impress a bunch of his friends and ran her RAGGED... then tipped the modern equivalent of maybe ~$2-3 on hundreds of dollars on the cheque. She ran out in front of everyone and told him that he forgot his change. HA! Even now, that’s hard to pull off! I’ve done something like that MAYBE twice, and once I only got away with it because my boss was on vacation and it wasn’t a corporate restaurant! NO WAY someone could get away with it in the 1960s and still have a job. And a single mom doing that at the time? What a risk. Holy fuck. Thank god the guy was so embarrassed that he pulled out a stack of cash in front of people and paid her properly instead of complaining...

The guy’s wife owned a restaurant at one time herself and it was WORK. Never ending, no days off. Not one of these modern “the owner has a bunch of money and takes a tonne of the profits and goes on vacation while taking advantage of their employees, looool” restaurant owners, but a smaller-town works constantly, on-call problem solver, pitches in and does EVERYTHING  restaurant owner. She was proud (and I’m damn proud of her!) for being able to use profits during this time of year to open her restaurant to anyone who couldn’t afford meals to just stop in, eat properly, get the same service as everyone else, and relax. All people are people, and they deserve to get treated like human beings. I found out she’s left-handed like me, really likes flan, and doesn’t like to overwhelm waitresses. >D

They’re the kind of Actual Christians that are so hard to find. They just don’t go around talking about it much. I find people my grandfather’s age often tried to be, but they’re such a minority even amongst their own. I don’t look for our differences; I look for the things we agree on and emphasize them. Like every person’s right to food because we’re a great country and we have abundance. It was hard for him to reconcile how much they tried to do with how much they felt like failing that day (that foster kids in office buildings crisis I talked about on the last Spirit post? that just got way worse because of underfunding and politics, and they do some volunteer work in that field) To put it in Christian terms, didn’t Jesus say “there will always be the poor?” BUT did that stop him from feeding the masses with loaves and fish? So he KNEW that he couldn’t save everyone. But he was still trying, right? Don’t give up. Rest, but come back.

In Jewish terms, “You are not obligated to complete the work (fixing the world), but neither are you free to abandon it.” 

Ahhhh, yes, because they can’t help anyone if they burn out. Exactly! They’ve done this before. They know this already! We all just need the reminder.

We can come together on a lot of ideas. We’re really not that different.

On that note, I explained how other countries don’t just HAVE big, giant, open land like America does, so we don’t have all these big empty buildings everywhere (the ones noted for stuffing foster kids in.) And I mentioned how Spirit stores everywhere have closed this week now that Halloween is over and all the deep discount stuff is pretty much gone. There are programs everywhere in the county where even if you don’t celebrate Halloween, all the branded candy is like, 70% off or lower, yeah? Which led into this common ground of how big companies are abusing restaurant workers and other “little guys” like factory workers. These people work with some of the worst off in the county all the time. They see directly how “little” foundational things completely derail a person’s life- one missed paycheque starts a total mess of loss of vehicle, job, apartment. We’re in a right to work state, so they know anyone can be fired any time, for no reason, no recourse.

So what is this Spirit Store thing they might hear about, “I’ll put a Spirit banner on your shop!”

Relax! It’s not some new age witchcraft thing. The employee is threatening mutiny, the way ship crews threaten mutiny against a captain. It’s a warning that you’re going to disappear the way a Spirit Store folds and disappears. Treat your people right, or we don’t HAVE to work for you! Sometimes we actually pay money to go to work, paying more for transportation and childcare than we’ll make the whole day. Why not just stay home? Florida ranks ~49th in unemployment so in reality, our governor TALKS about us getting BIG payouts but actually, very few people ever see any money. Even so, whatever. Stay home. Pay fair wages ON TIME, don’t abuse us, don’t harass us, and we’ll come to work. Treat us badly all day long, and see how long you last working a big store all by yourself. All of us have value!

And of course because we have the internet now, we can show this idea to people all over the country instantly. Simply. In pictures too, so lots of people can understand it. Will anyone actually put Spirit Store banners up on shops locally? I have never seen one. But the way things are going, the threat might be enough.

august 23.2020

Neil invited some friends over for a private dine-in party tonight: two old white men, one young white man, and one young black woman. I don't know what connection these people had with each other other than the young woman and man were married. Before they arrived, Neil told me the story of the woman: she used to work here as a server for many years, through high school and college. Neil met her when she was a tween, running around at a fundraiser for I think the Port Angeles Symphony Orchestra. He handed her his card and told her to get in touch with him when she is old enough to work because he looks for people to work there who can move swiftly without looking like they are. He asked me if I was a runner today, and I said I was a dancer and he said it makes sense because I move quickly yet gracefully. She’s in her early thirties now. The restaurant must’ve just opened at that time. "She's an African-American woman who is married to a white Chicago police officer," he said. Figure that one out. She’s from Chicago, and her mom was in the marines and moved as a military family, which explains why there was a black child in Port Angeles. 

Neil explained to me that he’s had people work at his restaurant who go on to become extremely successful people. “Hey, maybe I’ll be a politician someday, and you can add that to your list of successful ex-employees,” I said. He said he’d support me if I did. I loved this lady. When I read off the nightly special to the table, she tilted back her head and savored the mere thought of Olympic Coast grilled King salmon with a summer vegetable saute of zucchini, corn, tomatoes, locally foraged chanterelles from the nearby forest, and orzo pesto pasta. When Neil told me to clear the table for the next course, she immediately stood up and touched my arm and whispered in my ear, "you get the silverware and I'll get the plates." When a customer came in, she was at the bar and immediately greeted them and asked what she could do for them as if she was working there. I loved that she just jumped right back in as if she never left. AOC said on instagram the other day, "I'll go back to bartending any day of the week because I'm not a classist who ties someone's worth to the prestige of their occupation." I want to be like that. I am pursuing a career in public policy, but I always love going back to hospitality. I love serving and I want to continue doing that as a side gig, but I also want to be a bartender and barista someday. While I was writing down the sales numbers for the night, I took longer than I normally do partly because I was tipsy from the cocktail but mostly because I was enveloped in eavesdropping on a story the woman was telling. She went to Arizona to meet her dad for the first time. One of the older men could not comprehend that this could happen, and really, neither could I. He suggested, "You know, because your mother was in the marines, she could have demanded child support and the military would have come after him," as if she had never considered that. "When I finished high school, mom asked me if I wanted her to get in touch with my dad and invite him to my graduation, and I said no. I wouldn't change my upbringing for anything." She didn't need pity from this old, privileged, ignorant boomer. She said that she found her dad because his sister had taken a DNA test and tracked her down. The inner feminist in me notices these kinds of things: Of course it wasn’t actually her father who reached out to her; it was a female on her father’s side. I was also outraged that something like this could happen. A woman finds herself pregnant and the man who impregnated her can just choose not to care about his own offspring? He doesn't care yet she does. How? Maybe I have had these over-simplified ideas about abortion because I have never actually seen what happens to single mothers in practice. This is all an intellectual exercise for me. I knew what kind of man this was. He is the typical Port Angeles resident. Old, white, and ignorant. Neil called this table by I'm assuming it was his name, Randy Riggins, and said he is the only conservative he is willing to associate with. Towards the end of the night, after I'm sure they had plenty of wine, said to me, "Hey Kristina, you're pretty cute without your mask on," which is normally something that I have only been warned about. Maybe it was a normal thing to say when he was my age. Witnessing this interaction, I realize that, as woke as I like to think I am, I am more like the boomer than the black woman. My opinions have been influenced by the fact that I was never exposed to many disadvantaged communities. I am from a privileged white nuclear family, and most of the people I knew did too. I do not know the chaos of Chicago or any other metro area; I am from a sleepy secluded retirement town. Lately I've been trying to reconcile my identity in relation to feminism, and hearing a story like this makes me so confused and angry. It makes me feel a lot of things, but lean towards feminism. Neil had me polish wine glasses today. The ones for reds, the ones for whites, and I finally learned what those bellowing round ones are for: pinot noir. I can’t tell the difference between different wines and I think expensive wine is overrated, but for some reason I took so much pleasure this simple act of making sure the glasses we served them in looked perfect. I even used a special cloth that had the logo “Reisel: The Wine Glass Company” on it. Simply being around many luxury items boosts my mood. I would not buy this food and wine personally for myself, but I like being on the receiving end of it. I think about the Gentle Art of Domesticity and the author who had a career traveling all over Europe as a wine sommelier and I automatically have a positive opinion about pretentious wine culture, not for the legitimacy of it - I don't take it that seriously - but rather for the type of life she must’ve had. I enjoy being around beautiful and glamorous things. That is a big factor in how I choose my career in fact. Neil told me to buy the back of house guys a drink. I finally found out how old Arthur is: 20. So I offered to buy him a coke or whatever, but he responded with a moody "don't waste your money on me" because he steals those out of the fridge every day anyway. And Josh isn't a fan of beer, so Neil told me to work on my mixing skills and showed us how to make his signature Manhattan. This is really the only drink he has in stock right now; we don't even have cocktails on the menu but he offers a Manhattan to his friends if they stop by. He says it will be our signature drink when we open our bar, whenever that will be. I took in every moment of this demonstration, and then every moment of drinking it afterwards. "Cheers. We made it through another week, you deserve it," Neil said to Josh and I as he handed us his masterpiece. I needed to drive home, but I didn't care. And Trent doesn't need to know. I ate the extra mushroom ravioli. I am perfectly positioned in this job to learn in a forgiving environment. It’s not like Oak Table where they have dozens of expendable staff and can - and will - fire you at any moment. I am pretty much the only server who works here and Neil is counting on me. Trent says this gives me bargaining power. Sometimes I think about how I never would have had this opportunity if I never came back to Sequim. But then I snap myself out of it because if I never came back to Sequim, I would have found somewhere even better that isn’t run by a crusty white boomer. But at least by being better than everyone in Port Angeles but not as good as everyone in Seattle, I can take advantage of this time to become Seattle-level material. If I can’t live in Manhattan, I can at least drink one.

What it’s Like to be a Physical Therapist

Questionnaire Summary:

After college and further education, I want to become a physical therapist. In order to learn more about myself and my future career, I answered the questions from this article: “7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life” written by Scott Christ. This questionnaire made me think about parts of my life I haven't thought of before and helped me learn more about what I want to do. I thought about my passions, successes, goals, family, who I admire, and how hard am I willing to work to reach my goals.

I am passionate about rugby, exercise, and nutrition. So far, most of my accomplishments have come from rugby. The most important to me are winning two state championships in high school. A life without limits could mean a lot of things. For me, it means having a large amount of money and doing a lot of exciting things I wouldn't be able to without the money. I would obviously buy a lot of material items but I would also be living happily with the people I care about.

There are a few goals I would like to pursue in my life. One of my goals is to become a physical therapist. Being a physical therapist would allow me to help other people become healthy and help me learn more ways to improve my own health. In my opinion physical therapy is one of the most rewarding jobs I could do. The result a lot of people get from physical therapy is life changing and being the person to help change peoples lives must be a great feeling.

Besides my parents, the person I admire the most is Conor Mcgregor. The main reason I admire Mcgregor is because of his great work ethic. Mcgregeor is known for constantly doing everything he can to be the best fighter in the world. This motivates me to work as hard as I can in school and at rugby. Sometimes I catch myself being unproductive or wasting time and I'll think of his work ethic and I'll start being productive.  Something that pushed me toward physical therapy was working for my dad for the past five years over summer. He owns a construction company and I would work as a laborer. The reason it pushed me toward physical therapy because I hated that job. The days are very long and uneventful. I am grateful for what I've learned while doing it but I couldn't see myself doing that in the future.

These questions helped me learn more about myself and my future career but in order to learn even more, I consulted the Occupational Outlook Handbook. I found an article on physical therapy and it explains a lot about being a physical therapist.

Summary of Physical Therapy Job According to the OOH:

According to the “Physical Therapists Entry of the Occupational Outlook Handbook (OOH)”, physical therapists help people recover from injury, illness or general pain. They typically work in hospitals or private clinics and are very interactive with their patients. To become a physical therapist you need a PT degree or a professional degree. Physical therapists make $87,930 per year. Which means physical therapists make about $42.27 per hour. Some physical therapists, especially those that work in nursing and residential care facilities, can make $94,010 per year. However, the highest 10% can make up to $123,350 per year.

The entry level education to become a physical therapist is a doctorate degree in physical therapy or a professional degree. The job requires no on the job training but physical therapy students are required to complete at least 30 weeks of clinical work in order to graduate. All states require physical therapists to be licensed. Typically, physical therapists have to renew their license every two years. In 2018, there were a total of 247,700 physical therapy jobs in the United States. The outlook from then until 2028 is supposed to increase by 22%, which is much higher than average. A large reason for the increase in the need for physical therapists is because baby boomers are getting older.

Physical therapists main job is to help people recover from injury, pain, and/or illness. Most physical therapists typically work full-time and during typical work hours. Some work early mornings, late nights, and weekends also. Physical therapists typically work in private offices and clinics, hospitals, patients homes, and nursing homes. A physical therapist student will take many science based courses including biomechanics, anatomy, physiology, neuroscience, and physiology. It takes about seven years of school to be qualified to be a physical therapist but the demand for jobs and pay will make physical therapy a safe career path to follow.

I was able to find a lot of information from the OOH, but in order to find out more specific details I interviewed a man named Alex Antonini. This interview gave me an even better understanding of what it's like to be a physical therapist. I asked Alex about 10 questions and he answered everyone and was happy to help in any way he could.

Interviewing a Physical Therapist:

To gain a better understanding of what it is like to be a physical therapist, I interviewed Alex Antonini. Alex was kind enough to let me interview him and ask him any questions I had about his job as a physical therapist. Alex realized he wanted to be a physical therapist when he was just 17 years old. His mom tore a ligament in her knee and she had been going to physical therapy. Alex had been paying attention to the positive results she was having and he wanted to learn about Physical Therapy. Alex was a track athlete and had off of practice one day. That day his mom brought him to Physical Therapy with her so he could learn more about it. When he went that day he loved it, and knew that that's the career he wanted to pursue. My story is somewhat similar to Alex’s. I have always played sports and thankfully have never had a major injury so I've never been to a physical therapist. However, about two years ago I was scrolling through social media, and I saw a time-lapse video of someone recovering from tearing their ACL. (A very long healing process for an injury in the knee). The improvement week to week was very impressive to me and that improvement is a result of going to physical therapy. Once I saw that video I immediately looked into physical therapy and knew I wanted to pursue physical therapy for my career.

On a typical day as a physical therapist, Alex sees anywhere from 10 to 15 patients. With these patients he diagnoses injuries, treats their injuries or weaknesses, helps them recover from illness or injury, helps them perform everyday activities, and does a lot of paperwork. Alexs’ patients vary in age, injuries, and illnesses, so he has experience in a lot of areas. Alex works on average about 42 hours per week, with varying hours throughout the week. The thing Alex likes most about his career is the interaction between him and his patients. The bonds they are able to form are strong and seeing them recover is very rewarding. Sometimes patients are in PT for a long time so the bond between the therapist and the patient can be very close.

Some challenges as a Physical Therapist are schooling, having many patients at once, and multi-tasking. The average schooling is seven years but you have to always be learning new techniques and ways to treat people. You also have to pass a recertification test every two years to keep your license. A challenge besides schooling is having multiple patients at one time and being able to help them all to the best of your ability. “If you're going to be a physical therapist, you'll have to learn how to multitask”, is something Alex emphasized during the interview. Once you learn to multitask everything becomes easier, it's just challenging at first. Another question I asked Alex was “what can I do to become the best Physical therapist I can possibly be?”. He said “you're going to laugh when I say this, but something that really helps is working in a restaurant. Being a waiter or server teaches you to multitask, interact with people, and be on your feet and moving around.” I thought that was very interesting when Alex said that but it makes a lot of sense. I've been a server before and I can understand why he said that it helps.

A current event related to the field right now is Medicare has proposed an 8% cut in physical therapy rates in 2020. This can be a problem because Medicare part B patients make up about 70% of the nursing home residents population. This means that if these peoples insurance is decreased and won't pay for their physical therapy, they will either have to pay for it themselves or not get treatment.

Alex is very happy with his career and was very enthusiastic with his answers during the interview. I know when I become a physical therapist I will be happy with the decision I made and I will strive to become a better physical therapist for as long as I can. I will start preparing now so that when I enter the field I don't need much of an adjustment period and I will be able to be an effective physical therapist right away.

I researched the current event Alex told me about and I was able to find an article that helped me understand a little more. I found the website from searching “Medicare physical therapy budget cut” and the website's name is skillednursingnews.com.

Current Event Related to Physical Therapy:

A current event related to the field of physical therapy is the proposal of a budget cut on physical therapy rates by The Centers For Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). This article Looming 8% Cut to Therapy Payments Could Have ‘Major Impact’ on Residents, Operators,  written by Lyndee Yamshon, gives a good amount of information on everything related to this budget cut. This cut would affect millions of people in a negative way. A majority of these people live in nursing homes. This budget cut would take place this year and have a major on PT and other rehabilitation services. A cut like this would have a major impact on the rehabilitation industry.

This topic is interesting to me because it will have a major impact on current and future physical therapists. I chose the topic because it is what Alex said was a popular current event and possible problem for the future. Although I don't think this possible budget cut will change my mind on becoming a physical therapist, it will have an impact on me when I do become one. From this article I learned a little bit about medicare plans and how the medicare and medicaid systems work. I need to learn more about specific insurance plans and how much they differ from each other.

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) are proposing an 8% budget cut on physical therapy rates for their insurance plan, Medicare part B. This means less people would be approved for physical therapy and they would have to either pay for it themselves, or not get the help they need. Paying for physical therapy without insurance is very difficult, especially for older people so this means they would most likely have to go without any treatment. This proposed cut would happen this year in 2020 or some time early 2021.

Medicare part B patients are most elderly people who live in nursing homes. About 70% of people on the medicare part B plan live in nursing homes. Medicare part B patients also typically have chronic pain and are in physical therapy for over 100 days. If this budget cut goes through, and these patients stop receiving treatment, they will most likely be suffering. Currently, if a patient is in physical therapy for over 100 days they are considered a “dual resident” which means Medicare part B will cover the expense of the nursing home and the therapy. If the cut goes through it would completely change these people's lives.

Physical therapy isn't the only field affected by these proposed budget cuts. Other fields affected are ophthalmology, audiology, and clinical social workers. With these cuts do come reimbursement for other fields. These fields are endocrinology, radiology, rheumatology, and family practice. There isn't much detail why the cuts are targeting specific practices especially physical therapy but many people are against this proposal. A budget cut like this would have a major impact on the practices stated earlier and everyone who is involved with that practice.

I learned more about physical therapy in the past three weeks doing this project than I ever have before. I got a better understanding of what PT’s do on a typical day, what their pay is like, how they help people, what I can do to be a good physical therapist, and most importantly that I want to pursue this career even more.

my dad is making me furious on a regular basis. im currently blasting “the plagues” song from prince of egypt and letting myself stew in my anger for a bit. im so fucking done with living in the same house as my parents.

if i wasn’t related to my parents i would hate them. theyre such backwards people who hate immigrants and muslims and lgbt ppl and black ppl. they support trump. they dont watch the news at all and when i tell them whats happening in the news they dont believe me. (”flint? dapl? it must be obama’s fault.”) they think im going to hell because im converting to judaism. they believe islam is inherently an oppressive religion (im like... 1. ur wrong, and 2. have you looked at your fundamentalist baptist church that hates gay ppl and doesnt allow women to speak in church??? cause like actually fuck you). they are die hard right wing republicans and i disagree with them on nearly every issue. they make it difficult for me to practice my faith because they keep cooking pork and shellfish as the only thing for dinner and i end up eating a shit ton of boxed rice and canned soup because theres never anything else to eat in my hell hole of a house. when i grocery shop for myself they eat it before i can. they honest to god believe that christians in america are being oppressed. they think its unfair that pork is taken off the menu in school lunches in the area due to a large muslim and jewish population (”they should bring their own lunch. its not fair to christian kids that they can’t have pork.”) as if pulling one food off the menu is equal to kids literally going hungry. theyre furious theres no prayer in public schools anymore even though ive explained its not fair to a large percentage of students who arent christians (”its a christian country. they should just accept it.”) and like tbh why cant christian kids just pray to themselves in school??? no ones stopping christian kids from personally giving thanks for their food etc etc. they do not understand the concept of separation of church and state at all. my mom believes evolution is a hoax and that the earth is only 6000 years old. my mom doesnt believe in science. recently my mom bought into the falsehood that vaccines cause autism (i was vaccinated as a baby thank god). my mom didnt let me get a vaccine when i was 16 that was proven to help prevent ovarian cancer (which runs in our family) solely because the virus it was fighting was transmitted sexually and she didnt want me having sex. my dad is very mad that tv shows and movies are getting more diverse because he cannot fucking comprehend the importance of representation. i told my dad i had brisket at a friends house and he laughed and said something antisemitic while referencing howard walowitz from big bang theory. my dad acts like a typical baby boomer, which is to say like a fucking self entitled two year old when i try to reason with him. i try to talk about things in the news (re: pussy grabbing trump video) with my mom and she just says “that can’t be true” but she never even googles it. im so fucking mad. its like how am i related to my parents in any way shape or form???

as soon as i get my masters and a full time job im gonna abandon ship so fast they’ll have whiplash. i just want to have a life where i dont have to hear this flaming pile of bullshit all the time. sometimes i feel so bitter i want to make their lives exceedingly uncomfortable. i hope that i fall in love with a brown immigrant woman and get married under a chuppah and never invite them to spend the holidays with my soft interracial jewish sapphic family. like. fuck them.