a smalll update on how things are rolling.

a.) im starting this off with a small apology ... i've really left this blog on some unspoken backburner the past few months because, well, my old worries really creeped up on me. i won't go too much detail but i didn't feel like i was giving my portrayals my whole and that in turn affected how my partners viewed writing with me. i have taken a lot of personal time to reflect on this as not writing for a long period time was simply just adding onto such an opinion, and am now working my best to fix things following this. b.) i'm using the next two days to write as many drafts as i can. i'm a chronological, queue writer but while i think i will try to be as chronological as i can be (especially towards drafts that were written back in 2022!), i'm going to post them once im done and happy. i once again stress the same things as i have done before when it comes to my drafts, especially my longer ones: you as my rp partners are under no obligation to reply either fastly or at all to these drafts! muse can be fickle so i understand completely on this. on the other hand, if you have muse and do want to reply straight away, that's okay too. im still in the process of working out how to handle my work schedule and my writing and i hope to get that soon. c.) im adding a bit of a promo here just in case to say this blog is secondary to my main blog, which is @truethes! while this one is purely otome genre based, this other blog has all my other current interests, such as da.nganronpa, ytt.d, serva.mp, spyx.family, ge.nshin impact, or.ient, fr.uits basket and a couple more :^) !! currently im really into my gen.shin muses so dont be surprised if i continuously post about them for a bit!

Usability Testing

I will look into how I can create my brand around this project and implement it into an app.

Books to read about usability- dont make me think (revisited), eyetracking web usability and design think make break repeat are the bookks I should definitely take a look at.

Nielsen Norman group has all of its content UX-related thus it could be excellent for my project research.

"Dont make me think!" Everything should be visible, because where you have to think you say why is this there, why nav here, what should i click? Making for a less enjoyable journey.

Things that make us think include naming conventions, unfamiliar technical names and other such topics.

I want the users to not have to think about things such as buttons only because they for example say "Joborama" instead of "job", because that only uses more time within an already-busy day.

What happens when eyes look at words- the eyes will first look at the first and last words and only thereafter try to make sense of it. The ability to extract visual meaning is therefore important.

Pixelation is when the eye focuses on something such as a word and this process happens when the person reads two characters, moving the eyes fast so much that the words are blurred. For this reason it is important to look at Eye Fixation and eye tracking because through such research I found that people read 28% of content from website, and people read most information in an "F" format when it comes to western culture.

It is important to use words that people recognise- words which are skipped because people remember them because this is not dumbing down but opening up. I will think about words that young children will understand and are most likely to resonate with them as easy.

Low frequency words take longer to read as they are not so common.

Return path reading- if the measure of a sentence is too large then people have to read the first sentence again, for this reason each individual word cant be too short or too wide apart.

I will need to look at how to ensure that I dont force readers to work my way but instead make the content work their way. Eg. more primary colours, easier to understand interactivity.

Beginners guide to usability testing

Testing one user is better than testing none...

The importance of recruiting representative users is overrated because the point of testing is not to prove or disprove something, its to inform our judgement.

Testing is an iterative process- it should be done from start to finish.

5 Users should be tested as this was found to be the best in results- companies generally find 80% of the problems with these 5 users.

It doesnt matter who is testing as long as there are 5 users, its not a good idea to design only for the target audience but instead the project should work for all users.

Exceptions

Some things will only be used by certain people for example new employee's at a power plant, because such a project would not be used outside that company.

Usability testing can be done anywhere however its better where no one else can see so to not embarrass the user, a screen and audio recorder should be used for this process. In a test there will usually be a participant, facilitator and observer.

What do you test and when? It is never too early and it should be done at every step of the project. Research on other projects like this can also be done through usability test on other designers' apps/websites to get a feel for possible changes and new or useless features.

Two types of usability testing

The think aloud protocol includes the learning and listerning to users' thoughts, this process can also be done after the test. It is an opinion about the product after it has been used, this process will be done on memory however it will also result in less accurate feedback and therefore it is better to get them to think and say while using a product/service. To do this test I would begin with a prototype, encourage users to keep talking, create a scenario eg. want to buy space for company and mentiom that I am not testing them but the project.

Standard usability test is done by identifying design flaws by testing early and often. On this test we look at efficiency- the time taken to complete task, effectiveness and satisfaction. Therefore we ask how the usef felt when using the product, was typography legible etc. I will need to identify 3 or more tasks- tell the brand name of tge project and ask questions such as "can you identify boiling temp of boron?" I will prepare pre-test and post test interview questions- name, age, education, experience of using apps (system usability scale for post test). It will be important to explain the product and purpose of the test. I will also give written instructions and record observations as well as preparing a report after post test questions.

People need to know that if something doesnt work it is not their fault but the designers. I will have a test script where all users have the same tests thus results will be more reliable and consistent.

There are two types of tests I can choose from- get it test: "what do you think of this" and key task test: asking users to do something then watching them how well they do it.

I will write the tasks like scenarios- letting users step back and make sense of the inital screen. Tasks can include eg. an accommodation deal, want to stay in London- specific resort has deal can you find it?

SUS- is a post test called the System Usability Scale, tries to get to know strengths and weaknesses.

Using SUS is most reliable even with small amounts of testers as it is valid & can be scaled to administrators and users. It has been found that even when an SUS is given months after the test, the results will still stay the same.

SUS can also be used to test 2 user groups and with each group the website or project can be different- eg. colour is red instead of green and interactivity is different.

After the test I should look at: efficiency, effectiveness and satisfaction (SUS) and this then leads to looking at what went wrong and finding prooblem solving solutions.

Typical problems include: users unclear of a concept, words they are looking for arent there or theres too much going on.

Ignore kayaks: users will lose track of where they are and then go back to the main task, therefore I should resist the impulse to add: when users arent getting something it is common for us as designers to add more information instead of making something clearer or removing things afterwards. I should however take "new feature" requests with a grain of salt and instead grab the low hanging fruit: things that are so apparent we dont see them until we test.

Reservoir of goodwill- each problem we encounter lowers the users reservoir thus increasing their chances of leaving, they will want to use website/app however with issues their will to do the task decreases.

What diminishes godwill: things that want to be done arent clearly visible, save steps when possible to get to the goal, not telling the user what they want to know is another mistake and not putting effort into it.

Increase goodwill by: having a nice 404 page, know what questions are likely and answer them, make it easy to recover from issues, when in doubt apologise.

Day #21

21. My favourite number, my lucky number and also my day of birth (not today, but in a different month where the numbers are mirrored). Not as lucky as I ended up imagining though, considering it was also the 21st of last month when she ended things. Certainly hating the number now - enough so that I don't want another birthday celebrated. Especially not this year anyway, even if I am gonna reach the quarter century milestone - I just don't want it to be an occasion without her next to me. I'm allowed to be that little whiny bitch, so leave me be. Nevertheless, three weeks have passed, and this would usually be the maximum point, based on history, at which we would start rekindling our lives together after a break - but not this time. This is permanently set in stone it seems, and there's nothing that can be done to chip away at this new wall between us. All I have to do is continue to build and work upon my own wall known as acceptance too, even if my love for her will remain solidified and in tact. Anyhow, I had the best possible ending to my weekend last evening, even though I decided against attending the pot luck dinner party that the Dancing Dentist hosted. I apologised and felt bad, but I was honest with her about my social inability at this stage - and gladly too, as she was sweetly understanding when informing me that there would be over twenty or so people present. I received a snap from her, of her surprisingly watching one of the X-men movies - I was almost in disbelief, but joyous that she was voluntarily viewing a comic book based film. The cutest part is that we discussed it live while watching the last thirsty or forty minutes together. More specifically that she kept asking questions such as "why is he turning blue?" or "why did she join the bad people?" which constantly made me grin. It may sound somewhat sad, but to me it almost felt as though she was there with me while we watched, with my arm around her on the couch, or my fingers intertwined in hers. I even received a friendly heart at the conclusion of our chat, which I've learned not to think much into - except to take the goodness and little moments that make me smile as they come. Day 21 - Keep fighting, don't ever surrender Another Monday at work beginning with my heart throbbing noticeably against my chest yet again. Not the kind of sick day Monday I prefer at all. Maybe I need to start having a coffee on weekends too, for the sake of consistency, and in order for my body to adjust better. Even if in reality it's my mind causing the initial trouble to begin with. I can't stop thinking about that beautiful creature and our recent memories together. Reliving the inner sinking feeling this time around, as the disbelief of everything falling apart so quickly and unexpectedly strikes me again. I just hate that it happened so much that I can't stop whining like a fricken kid about the reality of my faults that led to it all. Everything kinda felt like the transition of the weather throughout the day yesterday, with the end result being quite similar - me, lying in and accepting the storm of events as it came. Because there's nothing I could do to alter that inevitable fate. I have to say though, that absence has in fact made my heart grow fonder. The distance has created a better and more verified sense of learning and understanding, and the space has enabled me to gain some freedom in mind and of thought in order to reflect upon my incapabilities and faults. This is also known as the rehabilitation part mentioned, of the prison I've been held in legitimately. I can't wait to see her whenever the next time may be, even if it has to be with the new barriers and rules in between us. Just to see her beautiful smile again will be rewarding and heartwarming. Back in the real world, my anxiety was a bit more unmanageable for whatever reason, than an average day. I've taken some time out after the lunch break and been laying down on the bed in the sick room, for which I have a key as a first aider thankfully (one of the significant reasons to become a first aider at this work place - napping sessions). I've just focused on breathing at a normal pace and calming down my heartbeat accordingly. Part of me wants to cry out some tears because it believes that will resolve the matter quicker, or more efficiently at least, but my tear ducts seem to be empty at this point. Guess it's just something to get over as usual in natural course. Until it restarts next time that is. At least I've learned to control it much better and get on top of it far more than I use to be able to (yup, everything described thus far in relation to anxiety is a big improvement from all of my prior years). She's given me this strength to contain myself better and fight back. If she were physically here, the sweet girl would probably drive over, take me for a walk to the beach or something to get my mind cleared and freed - and it'd usually help a great deal.. especially so because I'd have the loveliest company. Even simply hearing her voice or receiving a message from her, as previous stories would indicate, play a large contributing factor towards calming my troubled mind and soul - because she reminds me of what it feels like to be loved. Back home to an empty house as the family is away doing their thing. By that I mean they'll both be at medical appointments because that's very common at this day and age for them.. though it has been for the last decade too. I guess I'm use to the idea as a result, but it's always worrying and fearful to wonder how each one may go, as theres always been an ongoing, unhealthy history of medical complications and issues within the family. Diabetes, heart failure, high blood pressure and so on. Don't get me wrong, Ill always be there with them whenever I can or am needed, which is probably more accurate. That's because I'm likely a crap son too who should really make more effort not just when it's required, but always for them. Like they did raising me and giving me the good life I don't deserve. They've provided me with countless freedom and individuality to live my own the way I choose (with the assistance of my own teenage rebellions), which is certainly a big deal in this culture and religion, especially when your parents can be largely on the old-fashioned, traditional side of life. It's the way in which they've displayed love and support to me, which is the biggest treasure I could've asked for. I'm just always afraid of not being able to give back enough, because I never do feel I'm good enough when it comes down it. It's one of the biggest reasons I'm afraid to move on from home too, thinking that I haven't warranted my leave without repayment for everything they've done for me over my lifetime. It's aeon nerve wracking thinking about the fact that something could suddenly happen any day and I'll be required at any point. Even though I know my sister and brother in law are around, living not all that far away, but also that they do have their own family to constantly give their attention and care for also. Its also tough knowing that you're relied on in general, even when you don't actually do much, and in all likelihood take your own parents for granted more than anyone else - because they're the closest to you. Because I'm a selfish idiot who is never happy and kicks up a fuss for all the good things in his life. Don't mistake me however regarding the douchebag statement of them being reliant on me at any given time - because of course they can, and they never put any unnecessary pressure on me or make me feel like I'm stuck at all. I'm just stating that I'm generally afraid of potential failure when the time comes to actually do something. I'm slowly trying to actually be a better son to them. I just want to be good enough for the people I love. But I keep failing, as constantly depicted. The only reason they don't leave me too is because they're obliged to stay, especially because they've invested so much into me. Simply to be a let down to them, and all the other loved ones around me. I've already lost her, and she was basically my family too. As I indulge in some anxiety filled iron pumping at the gym (yes I finally managed to force myself after what's been 9 days of burgers, pizzas and fried chicken), my brain turns back to its usual channel, as it recognises the familiarity of my current location. All the hurtful, hateful, and overall negative memories come back to strike at my insecurities from every direction of my mind, reminding me once again of what a worthless piece of shit I am. The jealousies, the overreactions, the blaming, the guilt tripping and the lack of trust, to say the least - all crimes committed against her because I was constantly too self obsessed with proving to myself that I am good enough, but ironically needing her to ascertain that by doing specific things and alter her principles and way of life to prove it to me. I hate myself for it again and again as I recap my regrets. However this time's a little bit different and scarier, so to speak. As my arms rest in an upward curling position against a weight machine, I spot the various physical reminders on my left forearm, of the pain and suffering my past has caused me. Here I thought they wouldn't be as perceptible or even mildly noticeable anymore years later, but apparently past me wanted to ensure these scars would be visible for a long time, and made sure to put in the effort to establish that. Now I said this was a bit scarier, right? But it's really not for me - I'm trying to view it from a natural outsider perspective to keep myself in check right this moment. Because standard me, who's unusually (and thankfully) choosing to ultimately listen to outsider me, is reaching out for help and grabbing onto outsider, real me, saving me from following the darker path this time around. That's because standard me looks down at his scars and ponders whether he should add some more to the mix, or even retouch the current ones. The horrific part of this being that outsider me realises and understands that standard me truly believes there's no problem with it, and is content and accepting with the idea and possibility of acting upon those thoughts. Let me give you a very general and straightforward idea as to why people are 'stupid' enough to cause self-harm. Especially the idiots like me. Warning though, it might be slightly or majorly distressing, depending on who you are. Whether it be as a result of insecurities, an imbalanced level of serotonin in your head, or likely even both - much like what you may have witnessed with me on occasion (or a lot), is the conclusive guilt, worthlessness, loneliness, envy, despair and so on and so forth that occur, all fundamentally contributing to eventual self hatred. Once you get to that point, and if nothing much has changed in your eyes to make you feel otherwise, well it sucks - because the hatred continues to grow deeper and darker, and amplifies to the point where your mind has no remaining room to actually take a breath. The constant battle you're trying to fight with yourself is just a bloody mess, an absolute war zone, but your weakness ultimately overpowers you, and you forfeit control involuntarily - as much as it may seem otherwise to the douchebag who tells you to just be happy, or to get over it. So sometimes, the only way to regain a little bit of oxygen and to free yourself from the chokehold that's tightly grasped around the neck of your brain, is to transition your bloody mess to reality. To feel the physicality of your mental punishment - because you need to experience the pain in a different, more realistic setting first hand. It keeps you in touch with your humanity in a strangely poetic way. Majorly for me, as per my past, I always found it to be a good distraction and substitute from the emotional and mental pain that I couldn't withstand any longer. The intense pressure boils your mind alive, and desperation for relief is found in this new method of self-harm. Because technically you've been punishing yourself this whole fucking time anyway - who's to say that just because it's not physically visible doesn't mean you aren't experiencing it? This is your mind, and your body. Others are simply afraid of what they don't understand in this regard. This is why suicide is sadly often enough referred to as the 'coward's way out' too - because once you're mentally out of air from this battle you've constantly been fighting against yourself, the suffocation feels much like the conventional portrayal. Eventually when you've had enough pain and suffering, and come to terms with your unchanging circumstances, the white flag goes up, and you surrender into the darkness. It's not cowardly, it's just incredibly tragic and sad that a beautiful soul had to reach that point in order to rid themselves of all their troubles. So I'm fighting each day - we all are. Trying to locate meaning and self worth in ourselves, and simply just wanting to feel loved, recognised and valued, in my case. I'm getting there - learning and evolving every day, even if it's slow progress at times. But how do I know I'm on the right track to winning this battle? Because I'll keep fighting, and I won't ever surrender. I'm not actually going to add to my collection of markings, as It's now just an afterthought at this point, and I'm striding past it as best as I can. Even though I did have a drawback recently, as I had my brief momentary lapse in which the physical element of self punishment against my face, mentioned days ago, was present - I've grown and learned from that experience and I'm stronger now. She helped me resolve that battle quickly, by somehow providing me with the clarity in which I actually understood that I amplified something out of nothing, and provided me with love. So I embrace these scars that I view on my left forearm, as they are now simply nothing more than reminders that my past is real, and that I've battled hell already to make it where I am today.