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deathofthetext · 7 years

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this is (most of?) what i know about metal gear.

ok so its about these snakes: david solid liquid naked

i think there is also someone called venom? i dont know if he is a snake despite that thematically making the Most sense. i know hes fucked up tho. like even more than normal.

anyway the Main snake is david solid. he is the spiritual successor to ‘naked snake’ i think, who changed his name to ‘big boss’ bc he wanted to keep the homoeroticism but tone down the phallic-ness just a bit. it didnt work super well but thats okay i guess.

david solid snake is very good at sneaking. i think you (it is a video game and he is the main character so you play as him) can use balloons to sneak people away? anyway he sneaks places. like military bases or some shit. i dont know what he is trying to find. maybe he is searching for the Metal Gear? i think metal gears are superweapons like nukes but worse somehow. at some point he sneaks himself a boyfriend whose name is otaku convention. well his name is hal but he goes by otaku convention? also he pissed himself when they first met? probably he was surprised by how sneaky david solid snake was??? anyway for some reason they got married anyway and lived in alaska with fifty huskies. i think david solid snake was already in alaska with fifty huskies but then got together with his new bf and instead of being like ‘lets move to an actual place that exists’ he was like ‘we could shack it up in alaska’? and hal otaku convention was like ‘yep sounds good!’

also at some point david solid snake got impostered by someone else (named raiden maybe?) and raiden “not solid” “not snake” ‘s ass was not as good.

ok i know more things about metal gear but to explain them i am going to jump back in time to world war two: theres lesbians. The Boss is a lesbian and she did world war two and had a kid on the beach at d-day and that kid was ocelot and got kidnapped by villains i know nothing about and was raised to be the best triple-quadruple-whatever-agent in the world? anyway The Boss was very good at war so people made her do a bunch of war things. there was another lesbian named strangelove who was gay for the boss and wanted a kid? so unfortunately strangelove had sex with “huey emmerich” who sucks and killed her and that kid was hal otaku convention. The Boss also had an adopted kid and that kid was “naked snake” “big boss” “i dont know if he ever has a name even vaguely approaching normal shit”. and big-boss-before-his-name-was-big-boss was like ‘you are cool The Boss my mom and you are good at war things’ and then The Boss was like ‘war sucks and im dead now’ and big-boss-before-his-name-was-big-boss was like ‘be very good at war things to honor your legacy? got it.’

so then world war two was over and big-boss-before-his-name-was-big-boss did war things in the cold war for a while as naked snake and then changed his name to big boss and at some point met kaz kazuhira miller and they were gay and good at war stuff together for Several Years At Least? kaz is good also make a note of that. they fucked in a box? they did a Lot of war stuff together.

then i think kaz was like ‘hey war... is bad?’ and they broke up. and the plot of one of the games is like ‘kaz wants to kill big boss and so does david solid snake so they team up’ i think? i dont think it works though. probably ocelots fault.

i think everything is ocelots fault actually. or well. everything is the fault of “the military-industrial complex” and “War” and “the cold war: it was bad actually” but ocelot was directly behind like 90+% of the events of the metal gear series. but he never betrayed big boss despite betraying literally everyone else in the metal gear games?

liquid snake is blonde and feels bad about it.

no one knows anything about genetics.

its real horny. Real horny.

#metal gear #vera post #its becoming increasingly likely that i will ''get into metal gear'' and i feel like i should document my knowledge of it now #bc once you actually know things abt metal gear #you very much become a changed person

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danreblogsstuff · 7 years

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Another Follower Dealy I’m Not Going To Actually Tag Anyone For Because I’m An Awkward Shit

Rules: Tag 20 followers you want to get to know better

Tagged by: @darklordtomarry

Name: Dan

Nickname: Cy, I suppose, even though the only people who use it never actually talk to me, lol.

Gender: Dat boi.

Star Sign: Leo

Height: 5′9″-5′10′ish? Somewhere in there.

Sexual Orientation: Gay af

Hogwarts House: I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS AND I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I HAVE NO IDEA. Which probably means Hufflepuff? I mean, what’s the house for the lazy, slightly ambitious, misanthropic, anxious shut ins?

Favorite Colour: Cyan

Favorite Animal: OKAY. SO. You know fuckin’ snow leopards? Because snow leopards are the best. Followed closely by buns.

Time Right Now: 12:09PM

Average hours of sleep: Usually... *tries to math* 7-8ish? Most days I get to sleep around 2:30AM and wake up between 9:30 and 11:30AM so, something like that.

Cat or Dog Person: WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOOOOOOOOOSE?! I’ve never had a cat because my mom is allergic, and I love my dogs, but the only one left alive is a huge mess that pees and craps everywhere and honestly I just want something that will poop in a box instead of all over every rug we have so right now I’m gonna say cat? Yeah. Cat.

Favorite Fictional Characters: Fuck, dude. I’m gonna be here all day. Okay. Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Sephiroth, Squall, Roxas, Kaim Argonar, Prompto (main cast needs to stop being so mean to my baby), pre-Blaine Kurt Hummel, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Colin Wilkes, Solid Snake, Liquid Snake, Big Boss, Psycho Mantis (especially Tretij, my little Baby Mantis), Ocelot, Proto Man, Light Yagami, L, Edward Elric, Roy Fucking Mustang, Alphonse Elric, Envy, Balthier, Reks (I’m still not over the beginning of FF12. GIVE HIM BACK!), Yellow Yoshi, My Commander Shepard, My Hero of Ferelden/Hawke/Inquisitor, Zevran, Anders, Fenris, The Doctor, The Master, Sonic the Hedgehog (mostly the SatAM version), every Ninja Turtle, Megatron (he tries so hard), Riku, Marth (my original sword boy), Sebastian and Ciel (yes they need to be together as one character), Sheev Palpatine (the original dirty old man collecting his harem of pretty boys), Sorey, Mikleo, Edna, Richard from Tales of Graces (he deserved to be in so much more of that game), Colin Creevy, Poe Dameron, Finn, oh my god, and this isn’t even getting into non-HP book characters. Let’s just leave this here with the understanding that this could go on until I hit the word limit.

Number of Blankets I sleep With: In summer, one. In winter, at least two, a thick and a thin, with additional thins on standby if needed.

Favorite Singer/Band: Okay, I’m going to pick just one here and say blink 182, because they pretty much single handedly got me into music when I was a kid and shaped my musical tastes until I was in my early 20′s.

Dream Trip: Japan, but, not like any of the actual tourist destinations, just the stores that sell fandom merch that won’t ship to the US.

Dream Job: Writer who gets one of his books turned into a profitable movie series.

When was this blog created: August 2015

Current Number of Followers: 80! And at least 5 are porn blogs.

When did your blog reach its peak?: Just now?

What made you decide to make a tumblr: Too many of my boyfriend’s (now fiance) friends follow my twitter and I wanted a place to talk about/promote my writing without feeling self conscious about what I’m writing, so I made this blog and promptly started reblogging gay shipping stuff, lol.

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this. Just tag me back so I know people actually listen to me, lol.

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