#my exam was normal BUT bc my symptoms were so bad the doctor said I likely have PMDD and endometriosis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raysofcrosby · 5 years

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WHEN YOU’RE READY

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (𝘹)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): angry nolan, bad words and mentions of std’s

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4,901

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: so i’m not a huge health expert, so there’s a good 90% chance that the way the appointment in this goes, isn’t factual. so please don’t attack me lmao. tbh this idea came to me while i was cleaning out our garage??? like i think this is gonna be a multi-part imagine??? safe sex is important everybody!!!! even if you’re on bc, condoms are important so please be safe!!!! ok enough rambling, bye!

“Chlamydia! The stupid asshole has Chlamydia!” You screamed, pacing back and forth as you waved the piece of paper in front of your best friend, Nolan's face. “He has Chlamydia and he wasn’t even going to tell me!”

“Well, do uh...have you er—“ Nolan asked, the tips of his ears turning red as he scratched at his neck.

You stopped and stood directly in front of him, the piece of paper feeling like it was on fire as you held it in your hand. “What?”

“Have you...” His eyes shifted from the paper to you and then back to the paper. “You know...”

Now it was your turn to turn red from embarrassment as his eyes stayed glued to the piece of paper. You and Nolan have been best friends since you were kids, sharing all the awkward moments that growing up with an opposite-sex best friend had to offer. He was (unfortunately) there for your first period, your parents gave you joint sex talks after they walked in on the two of you sharing a quick, experimental kiss when you were 10 (which also marked the end of your joint sleepovers) you knew each other’s, body counts— there was nothing in this world that could make you feel embarrassed in front of him...or so you thought. Because him asking you whether or not you have an STD was brand new territory and you didn’t like it.

“No,” You stared back down at the piece of paper, looking for the date. “But the results say he came in Tuesday last week and we haven’t had sex—“

“Nope, stop right there.” He held up his hand and got up off of the couch, walking towards the kitchen and grabbing his keys off the counter. “I guess our parents duel birds and bees talk didn’t scare you as much as it did me, because if it did— you’d be more aware of STD’s and getting tested.”

“Oh trust me, I was scared the moment your mom brought out the fresh produce.” You replied, cringing at the memory of your parents teaching you about condoms. “But we haven’t had sex in—“

“Doesn’t matter Y/N! Who’s to say he hasn’t had....” He paused as the elevator doors closed behind you. He couldn’t even bring himself to say the word— and you were thankful for it. “What I’m trying to say is, guys are idiots. He could have had all the signs and ignored them and not realized something was wrong until too late and that’s why he got tested.”

When the elevator doors opened again, he walked ahead of you and you followed behind like a puppy. “What you need to be focused about, besides getting tested, is why the hell he’s had these results for almost two weeks and hasn’t told you.”

“Oh trust me, I’m giving him an ear full the next time I see his sneaky ass.” You mumble, getting into Nolan’s car and putting on your seatbelt.

He didn’t say another word as he left the parking garage to his apartment building and began driving down the road. You were equally as calm as you were embarrassed right now, and you had Nolan to thank for it. He’s been your rock since you were kids, even taking you under his wing the moment that you decided to move to Philly last year, for a job opportunity that you couldn’t refuse and one that your parents didn’t understand. He and his teammate, Travis let you stay with them rent free until you could save up some money and find a place. But instead of finding a place, you found Preston.

Nolan was supportive of course, but his unease about just how soon you and Preston moved in together was not something he ever shied away from. The two of you even got into a huge argument about it the night before you moved in with Preston. The worst argument you’ve ever had, one that had you thinking that you’d probably never talk to one another again. But the next morning, Nolan had an edible arrangement sent to your desk with an apology and everything’s been well ever since. He’s always been supportive of you, no matter what you’ve done— and now is no different.

“Um Nol, this isn’t the way to my doctor's office.”

“That’s because we’re not going to a doctors office. You need results quicker than what a doctor’s office an offer. Not three days, not next week, now.” He pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a small clinic. “So, you’re doing a walk-in and getting your results the same day.”

“Do I even want to know how you know where a walk-in clinic is?” You asked, your eyebrows raised. It was hard to imagine that he’d ever had to come here for testing— oh God, what if he’s come here for another reason?

Nolan laughed, shaking his head as he opened his car door. “Never for me. Travis has made a visit or two after some...interesting encounters.”

You let out the breath you hadn’t even known you’d been holding and got out of the car. “I was about to say, I’m way too young to be a Godmother, Nolan.”

He mumbled something before getting out of the car. It was low, but it sounded like he said “you don’t have to worry about that,” but then again, this mumbling was a lot lower than his normal incoherent mumbling. So you probably misheard him. You shook it off and got out of the car, following Nolan into the small clinic. You didn't know what you were expecting. Any time you've ever gotten blood work or any kind of medical test done– it was at your own doctor's office.

There were four other people sitting in the waiting room, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were here for. Or if just by simply looking at you, they knew that your scumbag of a boyfriend had possibly given you chlamydia. "Here."

You shook yourself out of your thoughts to find Nolan shoving a clipboard into your chest. "What is this?"

"You were off in Y/N-land, so I got your paperwork. Just fill it out and then hand it off. She said a doctor should be with you shortly." He walked towards two chairs in the corner and sat down, patting the one next to him.

Your legs felt like jello as you followed suit and sat down. Picking up the pen that was connected to the clipboard, your eyes skimmed the paper. It was asking for basic facts like your name, age, insurance provider, and what you were there for– nothing too intimate. Though you knew the nurse or doctor you'd be cared by, would ask them as soon as you walked through that door. You slowly filled out the information before walking back up to the women, giving her a smile as she took the clipboard from you. "Just have a seat and we'll have someone with you in just a moment."

You nodded, turning back and immediately bumping into a little boy, no older than four. "Sorry." He giggled, running past you and over to a woman sitting by the small play area. No sooner than he bumped into her legs, she looked up and gave you a smile before returning back to filling out her paper.

A chill went down your spine as you walked back to Nolan and you could feel your palms begin to sweat. What if Preston had given you Chlamydia? What's the treatment? What if you had something worse? What were you going to tell your parents? Would you tell your parents? Surely Nolan wouldn't rat you out. Oh God, Nolan. He's as recognizable as a mall Santa. There's no way word won't get out that the Nolan Patrick, a Center for the Philadelphia Flyers, was sitting in a walk-in clinic with a nervous looking girl.

You could see the headlines now. 'Has Nolan Patrick knocked up a girl?' 'Tis the season for hockey– and a baby?!' You couldn't even begin to think about the mean tweets and comments on Instagram without feeling the least bit nauseous.

"Hey, you okay?" Nolan whispered, leaning over to you.

Whether it was his voice or the sudden realization of your situation, you got chills down your back and up your arms. "You should leave. I don't want you to get ostracized or something for being seen at a clinic with me."

In true Nolan fashion, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not letting you do this alone."

The door separating the waiting room from the rest of the clinic opened and a middle-aged woman in scrubs stood there with a clipboard in her hand. "Y/N L/N?" It freaked you out the moment her eyes landed directly on you without looking anywhere else in the room.

"Come on, let's go," Nolan said, wrapping his hand around yours and standing up, almost dragging you with him to the back room.

He hadn't let go of your hand the entire walk down the hallway and into a private room, only letting go when the Nurse told you to sit up on the exam table. And even then, he scooted the free chair closer to it in case of any emergent hand holding. "So Miss L/N, you wrote down that you're here for a Chlamydia test, is that correct?"

"Y-Yes ma'am." You replied, playing with your hands as your eyes darted around the room taking in all of the informational posters.

Like a well-oiled machine, she took your blood pressure and temperature, marking them down onto a piece of paper before looking at you again. "Are you having any symptoms?"

You opened your mouth to speak and your throat felt a little dry. You took a small breath and exhaled. "My boyfriend got tested last week and he uh....he has it. So I thought that I'd get tested..."

Her eyes immediately looked at Nolan with raised eyebrows. "Did you just do a Chlamydia test or a full STD screening?"

After her question went unanswered, Nolan looked away from a poster on the wall to see her staring at him. His cheeks immediately went red as his eyes widened. "Oh no. No, no I'm not–" he cleared his throat, giving you an embarrassed look. "I'm not her boyfriend."

"He's my emotional support best friend," You smiled, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "He actually drove me here."

The nurse gave you a smile before turning back to Nolan. "Will you be getting any testing done today, young man? Or just her?"

"Just her."

She nodded and turned back to you with the clipboard in her hands. "Do you want him in the room when I ask these questions? They get a little personal."

"That's okay, I'll just go ahead and excuse my–"

"No!" You held onto his hand tighter, giving him a pleading look. "He stays. Otherwise, I think I might faint."

Nolan squeezed your hand back and leaned into his chair as the Nurse nodded her head. "Okay, so these are just some basic questions. There's no need to be nervous or scared, I'm here to help you figure everything out, okay?"

You gulped and nodded, feeling the nerves surge through your body. "O-Okay."

"Have you or your boyfriend ever had an STD before?"

"I haven't, no," You shook your head, burrowing your eyebrows as you thought about Preston and his sexual history...which you realized you hadn't really known much about. "I don't know about him, though."

"That's okay, no worries." She smiled, scribbling down. "How many people have you had sex with?"

"4, including my boyfriend and he's the only person I've been having sex with for the last 9 months."

"The kind of sex you've had?"

You felt your body begin to heat up at her question. She really wasn't kidding about how personal they got. You were starting to question whether or not you should have had Nolan leave the room. You glanced over at him to see that he was looking at everything except for you, probably trying to make himself seem invisible...but the flush of his cheeks shows that he too was feeling a little embarrassed.

"Um...everything?" You squeaked, feeling your heart hammer at the fact that your best friend now knew that you were no longer untouched in the backdoor apartment. Something that you two never really dwelled on the topic at all, but he still knew that you weren't the biggest fan. Your eyes went back to Nolan and his head was now ducked and staring at the floor.

"So, Vaginal, Oral, Anal–"

"Yes, yes, next question please."

God, if you're listening...please swallow me up right now.

"How often do you use protection? And is there anything else you do that could increase your chances of getting an STD?" How she was able to keep a stone cold face as she asked these questions, you had no clue. Because between both you and Nolan, you'd think that the two of you were tomatoes.

"Um...maybe like, 50% of the time, I guess? I've got the implant in my arm, but he switches on and off with condoms. And no, nothing that comes to mind."

She scribbled down the information onto the paper and gave you a reassuring smile before placing the clipboard down onto the counter and opening some cabinets. "Now, I know you came here just for the Chlamydia test, but is there any other testing you'd like to get done? Pregnancy? A full STD screening?"

"Um, sure? I guess."

She wrote some more stuff down on the clipboard before walking over towards the door. "Give me a minute and I'll be right back with the doctor, okay?"

She walked out of the room and it was as if she took all of the air with her. The tension between you and Nolan was so heavy, it was suffocating. "So, babies..."

"WHAT?"

He stood up and walked across the room, pointing to an anatomical poster of a baby in the womb. "There's a lot of babies in this room."

You could tell that he was trying his best to relieve the tension, but he was ultimately failing. "Sorry, you had to sit through that. If I would have known the kind of questions..."

He shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets. "S'okay. It was uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck and you could tell he was trying to fight his body from letting his cheeks redden even more. "Educational?"

You burst into laughter as the tears you'd been holding back released themselves. Out of all of the things, Nolan calling the fact that he learned you'd done anal...educational. "I love you," you sniffled, wiping your cheeks as he came and sat down next to you again. "What am I going to do? What if I have it? What if I'm pregnant? What if–"

He covered your mouth and while he had a smile on his face, the calmness in his eyes spoke to you the most. "What you're not going to do is give yourself a panic attack, okay?"

You nodded and he dropped his hand, reaching down and holding yours. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

He looked around the room, his eyes settling on a stack of pamphlets on the counter. He got back up and looked through them, coming back with what looked to be like one from every pile. "We read up on it. So if your results do come back positive, you have the right information and treatment so you won't send yourself into a panic attack."

He sat down and placed the pamphlets down next to him, taking both of your hands in his as you sniffled again. "I'm right here Y/N and I'm not leaving, okay? Whatever happens, you'll have me right here by your side."

He reached up and wiped your cheek, giving you a smile as you nodded. The door opened and the nurse from earlier came back in with the doctor by her side. "Hi Y/N, I'm Dr. Pippen," He smiled, extending his hand to you before turning to Nolan. "And this must be the emotional support best friend."

"Nolan, sir," Nolan replied, shaking his hand.

"Nice game Friday and an even better win," He replied, turning back to look at the paper the Nurse had written on. "So, what we're going to do is a basic STD screening and then a pregnancy test. Have you ever had any of those before?"

"No sir, never."

"Alright, so Chlamydia and Gonorrhea tests can be done through urine samples, so we'll have you pee in a cup and that's how we'll do your pregnancy test as well. Those results you'll be able to receive tomorrow." He flipped the paper over as the nurse prepared the sterile cup and pulled out packaged needles and labeled tubes. "Now, for the rest, we'll be taking small blood samples and those can take another day or two depending on how backed up the lab is."

"What are the rest you're screening for, sir?" Nolan asked, interacting during your appointment for the first time.

"HIV, Syphilis, and Hepatitis B." He looked up from the clipboard and gave you a reassuring smile. "Based on your answers, it's a slim chance that you could have any of those, but it's never a bad thing to be safe, okay?"

You just nodded and looked at Nolan as you heard the Nurse start to prepare to take some blood samples. "Hey, how are we ever supposed to get matching tattoos if you're freaking out over some tiny needles," Nolan whispered, the glint in his eye telling you not to worry.

"Go ahead and clench your fist for me, honey," the nurse said as you felt her tie the rubber band on your arm. "Perfect, now you'll just feel a pinch."

"Do I still get artistic control of our said, matching tattoos?"

"As long as you don't make it frilly and girly, of course." He said, but you knew he was lying based on the fact that he had three flowers on the inside of his bicep– one of his mom and the other two for his sisters.

"I'm going to pick the frilliest and girliest tattoo ever then."

"Okay, now we just need your urine sample and then you're done." The nurse said, turning back and placing the two tubes of blood into a plastic bag. She turned back to you and handed you another plastic bag with your information on it and a plastic, clear cup. "The bathroom is just right across the hall."

You took the materials out of her hand and were amazed at how solid your legs felt for the first time since finding (bf) paper results. Opening the door, you turned back one last time and looked at Nolan who gave you a small smile and a thumbs up. You turned back and left the room, letting the heavy door close behind you before walking into the bathroom.

You've peed in a cup before, sure. To get your job you had to take a drug test and that wasn't nerve wracking. But this, this was a test that would show whether or not you had two sexual diseases or if you were going to be a mother in 9 months time. Undressing from the waist down, you hovered over the toilet and closed your eyes, trying to relax your hand holding the cup from shaking. Unless you wanted to chug a few bottles of water, this was your only chance to get the test done and leave the clinic.

When you were done, you closed the cup and put it in the bag sealing it. As you washed your hands, you looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were puffy from your short stint at crying, your hair a little bit of a wreck– but otherwise, you looked the same. You didn't look how you had been feeling the last few hours– different, changed... as nothing would ever be the same after finding out that your boyfriend could have potentially given you an STD.

Walking out of the bathroom and back into the private room, you put the cup in a small tub on the counter and the nurse smiled at you. "I'll go ahead and print you off a copy of your test order and then you're free to go, I'll take you back out front."

You followed her down the hall and through the door, back into the waiting room again, Nolan still by your side. We stood at the front, waiting for her to hand you the printout. When she did, You gave her a thankful smile. "We'll call you with the results, have a nice night."

Walking out of the clinic, you'd expected for the sun to be completely set and the nightlife of Philly to be alive. Yet the sun was only beginning to set and traffic was at ease. It was strange because being in that clinic...it felt like you were in there for hours. Where when you looked at the time, it had really only been 45 minutes. You and Nolan had kept quiet as you got into his car and began to pull out of the parking lot. Coming to a stop, he placed his hand on top of yours and looked at you. "What do you want to do?"

What you wanted to do was drive out to an abandoned lot, get out of the car and just scream– to let out your frustrations. And even though you knew Nolan would support it full heartedly, maybe going to an abandoned lot at this time of day wasn't the best idea. So instead, you took a deep breath, squeezed his hand and said, "take me home."

––

Nolan was against dropping you off at your apartment and leaving you there to talk to Preston alone but after insisting and then threatening to cut his hair while he slept...he finally left. You didn't want Nolan to be there when you had the talk with him because you were already embarrassed enough at the fact that he had to take you to the clinic to get tested. Having him hear you argue with your boyfriend about how the hell he got Chlamydia and if he was going to tell you, wasn't something you wanted him there for.

The front door to your apartment opened and Preston strolled in, closing it behind him and hanging his keys up on the hook. "Hey babe," He said, sounding relaxed and happy as he made his way over to you in the living room. "Is everything o–"

That's when he must have seen it, his unfolded test results sitting directly in front of you, face up and in full view. You had your hands tucked beneath your chin as you stared at the paper. "Sit down."

"Where did you get–"

"SIT Preston!" You yelled, keeping your eyes on the paper because you knew the moment that you looked him in the eyes, your facade would fall and the tears would spill.

You reached out and slid the paper over towards him. "Y/N, I can explain."

You let out a gutted laugh, finally looking at him. "Please do! Please explain to me why I found a positive test result for Chlamydia from almost two weeks ago, sitting on the counter!" His eyes stayed looking down at the paper as if he was reading it over. But you knew better, he was just too chicken to look you in the eye. "How?"

You already knew the answer, you just wanted him to say it. To see if he was capable of being an adult and facing his problems head-on. The way his eyebrows furrowed and straightened out again as he chewed on his lip, was showing you that he was contemplating his explanation. The truth or a lie? "Maybe you–"

"Don't you even go there, Preston."

He sighed and rubbed his hands down the front of his face as he fell back into the couch. "It was only two times."

In an instant, it was like those five words sucker punched you so hard in the gut, that you could feel the pain in your back. "O-Only two times? ONE TIME IS BAD ENOUGH PRESTON! BUT TWO?!"

"Y/N, please it was a–"

You held up your hand to silence him, feeling your bottom lip tremble as you collected your thoughts. "I had to get tested today, Preston. Nolan had to drive me to the fucking walk-in clinic to get tested for Chlamydia and every other fucking STD in the book because you can't keep your minuscule dick in your pants?"

You stood up and held your hands out to calm yourself, looking at him. "And you have the fucking guts, to say it was only two times...and that it was a mistake," you laughed and shook your head. "Fucking unbelievable."

You heard the couch shift back as he stood up fast, clenching the paper in his hands. "Why were you even going through my stuff?"

"You left it on the kitchen counter, genius!" You said, turning your back to him and crossing your arms. "Get out."

"What?" He asked, scoffing at your demand. "This is my apartment! I'm not getting out of my apartment."

"Fine," You turned back to him, glaring at him. "Then I'm leaving. I'll come back for all of my stuff."

"Come on, Y/N, let's talk this out like adults and–"

"ADULTS?" You laughed, shaking your head. "WE'RE YOU EVEN GOING TO TELL ME?"

He stood there, his eyes switching constantly between the floor, his test results and you. "Eventually."

"Eventually," you threw your hands up and let them fall against your legs. "Eventually, doesn't work for me, Preston. You're putting my health at risk because you're too much of a coward to tell me that you cheated on me and the skank you did it with gave you an STD."

He lunged forward and grabbed your elbow as you went to walk away from him. "Y/N–"

"Let go of me, Preston!"

No sooner than the words left your lips, your front door burst open and Nolan came storming over towards you. In an instant, Preston's grip was ripped from you as Nolan pushed him against the wall, his forearm pressing against Preston's chest. He turned to you and nodded his head down the hall. "Y/N, go pack a bag," he turned back to Preston and glared at him. "You're leaving."

"Y/N, please don't! We can–" His voice choked off as Nolan slid his forearm up higher towards Preston's windpipe.

"You don't talk to her, you don't look at her," He looked back at you, "Y/N, now."

You turned away from the scene and rushed into the bedroom you shared with Preston. Reaching under the bed, you grabbed your duffel bag and raced around the room, grabbing as much as you could from your assigned drawers, your side of the closet and any of the electronics and other small stuff you'd need. You zipped it up and tossed it over your shoulder, walking out of the room to see Preston still pinned against the wall. He looked in your direction and nodded to his right, signaling for you to go towards the front door.

You walked by Preston, not even bothering to give him a second look as you stood by the door, shuffling side to side as Nolan glared at Preston once more. "You better pray that her test results come back negative or so help me God, I'll come back here and personally kick your ass." He pushed him further against the wall before letting him go, pushing a finger into his chest. "Let's get one thing straight. Whatever her insurance doesn't cover from this testing, you'll pay. We'll be back tomorrow to grab the rest of her stuff around noon. You can either be here, hide away in a fucking corner and not speak or you can choose not to be here when we are. Either way, if I find out that you're trying to contact her, I'll come back and kick your ass."

Preston just nodded his head frantically and Nolan sent him another death glare before walking over to you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lead you out of the door and into the hallway. He kept you close to his side, even taking the bag away from you and carrying it himself as he led you to the elevator of the building. As soon as the doors closed behind you, Nolan leaned back against the elevator wall, his arms crossed. "You never left...did you?"

He looked away from the control panel and over at you. He stood up straight and walked over to you, wrapping you in his arms and hugging you tight. "I told you I wasn't leaving you Y/N." He pulled back and made you looked at him, his face stoic. "I'm not leaving your side ever. Whatever you want to do, I'll support you. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."

You stared up at him, noticing the way that his eyes took you in and hugged him tighter, pressing your face into his chest. "Take me home, Nol."

#nolan patrick #philadelphia flyers #nolan patrick oneshot #nolan patrick imagine #nhl oneshot #nhl imagine #hockey oneshot #hockey imagine #philadelphia flyers imagine #philadelphia flyers oneshot #my writing

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icharchivist · 4 years

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The organization around this quarantine thing is such a disaster tbh.

About two weeks ago, two of our teachers were the ones who were especially worried.

There was the first case of covid19 in the nearby high school, and our uni, being a linguistic one in a region nearby the Italian border, has a lot of connection with centric pandemic regions in Italy, before they even shut down themselves.

Two of our teachers were concerned bc, as we just came home from holidays, a lot of people connected to the Italian branch came back to the uni as well, and nothing was really done about it.

One of my teacher was especially mad bc there was no soap in the bathrooms of the uni for a week at that time. She told us then that she will no longer note our presences for classes (mandatory esp for those with scholarships), and encouraged us if we were scared, knew we would be weak to the virus (asthma and such), or if we knew people who were, to not go to school anymore. Told us specifically to take pictures of the soapless bathroom so if the administration bothered us, we’d send them picture going “you’re endangering us”

I’m asthmatic. I have a lot of breathing problems in general, due to a nose malformation that makes it hard to breath and flow normally. and i have allergies. Hell my seasonal illness involves coughing, headaches, nothing flowing from the nose, and lung pains, feeling tired, all those stuff. I can’t even bring up how paranoid i am. Latest cycle of said sickness kicked in with a fever which worried my mom and I had to go see a doctor in urgence a couple of days ago. I’m fine. But i feel extremely paranoid. (and it’s not like France is getting us tested wth bloodtest or something - hospitals are overbooked with the pandemy so they only take in people with very urgent symptoms. Even if you get the virus unless you’re going very bad you’re encouraged to stay at home. There’s probably a lot of cases that we don’t know of because of that.)

But anyway school still didn’t stop back then, two weeks ago. We had two teachers who took the time to sit us down and discuss it with us. How the uni was not prepared to handle it. How they both thought the uni should have closed by now, that they’re discussing it, but they don’t want to yet.

For two weeks all we got as info was that everything was fine. Only need to clean your hands and cough in your arms. But we also had massive announcement just 5 days ago about how it was not even thought of to close schools. To close places with high work going. That we can’t let it stop us and all.

Last Wednesday, there were still clear announcement that there will be no stopping schools or work or anything. Last Friday, we were issued with a message announcing the massive closing of every schools and we were encouraged to stay at home.

Our uni, is, of course, not prepared for it. We got a few homeworks or class by mails with clear messages from our teachers telling us they’re not prepared and we will need to improvise - us students involved. Our exams, that were to happen in April, will be pushed back to May or June. For now.

On Saturday, they encouraged us to still go vote for the Mayor Elections on Sunday. Obviously, more than half of the population didn’t show up. But we were encouraged to do it still.

On Saturday, we were told to no longer go in groups in places. Something that is obvious of course, but a couple of days ago was not even issued. People stayed up late, disregarded the announcement. In the same breath we were told to not go out anywhere with many people, but to go out to do the election on Sunday still.

Mid Sunday, i get a mail from my uni residence saying that people living in those are encouraged to leave their room, whenever definitly or temporary to return to their family during the shut down of the schools.

I didn’t want to, considering my relationships with my family, but this was getting scary. We were still /encouraged/ but not obligated yet.

I had seen my mom on the Saturday for the doctor so we discussed the possibility, and while not obligated yet, i was a bit scared. I ended up askign my mom to come pick me up. I couldn’t move out *everything* obviously, but i took already 7 bags with me. My mom originally wanted to help me move out on Monday, but the announce scared me enough i wanted to get it done then immediatly.

Sunday evening, they announce they’re going to restrict moving around. Every shops would close. My mom works in administration soe she had to go work monday still.

Monday my mom’s employer basically tells her to take “holidays” so she doesn’t have to pay her, all while planning to pass all the mails and phonecalls to the agency to my mom’s phone. She’s sent home on Monday.

Monday evening we got the announcement from the gov that we were in complete lockdown. No longer allowed out without a permit. Only allowed to be out for reasons like grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy or doctor, or if you have jobs that are obligated for the good functionment of the country and crisis. (although they did issue you’re allowed to take your dog out but not for long)

We have to go on the gov’s website to ask for a permit. Like Italy i’ve heard.

We also have a curfew, no longer allowed out until a certain hour.

So now, today, Tuesday, the whole thing is in place. I’ve heard policemen in my street earlier today ask for people’s permit for being out.

And my uni residence just sent us a mail saying they no longer even tolerate people being inside the residence for the quarantine. We are obligated to move out ASAP, to a family member or such, or leave definitly. Today, while the gov has issued you can no longer be out without a permit you printed - while, also, we don’t have printers in our residences.

I feel glad i followed my gut feeling on Sunday to move out bc i have no idea how i could have asked help to move out today with those measures in place.

What i’m trying to get accross is how quickly those measures were taken in the past few days while it’s been a few weeks we’ve been many to worry enough to think dispositions should have been taken earlier. We’ve been thinking about it for weeks at the uni, but suddenly in less than 5 days we went from “we’re not changing a thing” to “quarantine yourself at your parents’s”.

Not to mention our President doing lots of lectures about how we’re At War, A Health War Sure, But At War And We Have To Consider It As Such. Obviously extremely reassuring to hear while you hear about the amount of death and sickness on TV.

Not like the sickness is any better either. I have a friend who’s a nurse in a part of France that is badly affected. Cases with young people starts to degenerate very quickly, even if they had no prior reasons for it to happen.

We discovered ibuprophen worsen the virus and it brought people who would have no prior situation into critical states to be taken care of.

/young people with no prior situations/, which i think is important to mention since so many people are brushing off the virus in a “it only affect the elderly or people with weak immune system”, as if this wasn’t reason enough to worry, as if we don’t all know multiple people like that around us, as if the 14days incubation period wasn’t terrifying, as if even if we get minor symptoms we don’t get to spread around a sickness that can be deadly for people with a weaker immune system. Well, if it’s so bad to understand the issue yet, i guess thus “young people with no prior situation get into critical situation” should be a wake up call. We don’t know that virus. It’s frightening.

People get recontaminated too. Which means we don’t get an immunity from healing. We can catch it again. Who knows how that may even go.

My friend, the nurse, says people keep stealing their equipment. They’re shortstaffed, short in materials, they can barely handle the crisis, not helped by the fact it’s been years that the gov keeps cutting health center’s ressources down. We’re not prepared for a pandemic that way.

Like... I read everyone talk about the panic buyer making it much more of a problem than it is. And while it’s true, it’s overshadowing that this is a Bad Situation, that we know nothing of that virus and it’s scary, and that the gov’s quarantine had been rushed into so much no one knows how to organize themselves around it.

For now it’s planned for 15 days. god knows how long it will take.

I, asthmatic currently sick with issues breathing, am stuck back with my mom who smokes all the time at home. Both quarantined. I feel lowkey cursed tbh. For years i tried to escape my family, dealing with all the issues that goes with it, and when i finally manage to do so, i get two lawsuits up my ass bc my dad is a douche and then my residence closes up bc of a massive sickness forcing me to go back to my mom’s.

I don’t know how to focus on my classes bc the organization is chaotic. I’m scared hearing the news. I have trouble breathing all day and while i know it’s nothing, i remain anxious. I don’t know how long i’m gonna stand my mom. Internet gets slower bc of the influx of people locked home to work.

i don’t care much for being quarantined itself, i can spend days in my home without problems. I don’t like being stuck with my mom and i just don’t like how we’ve been pushed into it in a complete lack of preparation for it.

I miss my home.

And it’s just France. Italy and Spain have been in those situations for a while too.

In a way that makes me even more angry that they didn’t take precaution before while the Italian gov had been warning us for weeks to be careful and take stuff into account before it’s too late. And we still waited, and we still rushed, and now we will blame everyone who is not understanding how thhe gov went from “it’s only a little flu don’t worry, keep going with your life just wash your hands” to “how irresponsable are you not to be in quarantine” in two days. You wonder then why people are panic buying, it’s not like the gov did any work to be crystal clear about the situation. You wonder people are being careless, a couple of days ago they were still told they had no reason to worry and to look down on those who panics.

EDIT: and lmao, i have been saying those stuff for weeks, for about two weeks i say it should have been taken into account, and my mom was pro-keeping-the-mayor-election-going (bc she wuld perhaps get a job out of it) and i told her then i thought it was a very bad idea to keep them going. My mom tried to convince me about how noooo, it was fiiine, we had to have those municipals anyway, “if people can go grocery shopping they can go vote” as our prime minister said, which i found horrifying (buying good is vital, electing a mayor can wait). And my mom kept insisting that it was important. And now, everyone says it was a bad idea to carry them on. Our own election house didn’t take any health precaution. Even my mom is saying “it was a bad idea.” Call me Cassandra bc i Keep Telling Them This Is Gonna Happen and no one ever listen to me and Too Bad. Ffs.

This is a mess of a situation. It’s making me extra anxious.

But well that’s how it is now I guess. Sighs.

#ichapersonal #that's super long btw if you open it #this situation is a mess it's. hhhhhhhhHH

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whatifididsomethingnew · 5 years

Text

Take Your Medication

I’m a college freshman in my second semester. I’ve been struggling with depression and ADHD for who knows how long, but I was diagnosed(i think? idk if it was official) in my freshman year of high school and given medication for it sometime in my senior year.

I didn’t take the medication very often. I started off strong, taking the ADHD medication especially to get me through classes and make sure the dosage lasted me to sixth period, my worst class at the time. But over the summer I stopped because I decided that the positive effects didn’t make up for the side effects: a lack of appetite and dry mouth.

Below the keep reading is my experience with mental illnesses and medication. It’s long. tl;dr If you have access to medication, take it. It helps. And make sure the dosage is right for you

I’ve never been a bad student. Aside from failing algebra 2 in freshman year (ive never been good at “advanced” math, it was an IB class so even worse, and even better students agreed that the teacher was awful), I’ve gotten at worst 1-2 C’s per year. But since middle school I’ve found myself unable to pay attention, preferring to think about the book I want to read or the game I want to play or even just something else I started learning about. I figured out how to get by with finished homework and average tests. But I took about 6 AP tests in high school and only passed one, because I couldn’t study well enough to retain all the information I learned and forgot over the course, or pay attention to the exam to finish the multiple choice, or have enough foundation in the subject to write an essay that mattered at all.

This point in my life has almost certainly been my worst, depression-wise. I only live about twenty minutes away from my parents’ house, and I go home every weekend so I’m not just alone in my apartment for three days straight, but I’m still isolated during the week. My friends that are still in high school are busy with classes and extracurriculars and meeting with friends they still see everyday and very few of them have their own cars to drive up to visit me, and my friends in college are all busier than ever, all going to school anywhere from 15 minutes to like four hours away. My bad days are worse and happen more often and can span into bad weeks. I tend to write at best 1 page of notes after about 2 1/2 hours of classes a week, and drain my phone battery down to the sixties because I don't pay attention in lectures on subjects I’m not interested in.

In high school I couldn’t wait for college, because I could choose my classes and the times and had the opportunity to make friends! But I realized I’m bad at making friends; I made one friend in kindergarten, when times were simpler, and all my lasting relationships (aside from my online friends, whom I treasure dearly) can be attributed to that one friendship. (I actually made a flowchart during class when another student was presenting, and I had the energy and motivation because I actually took my meds today!)

All this personal information about my Bad Times™ is to make you understand how much I needed to take my medication. But I don’t have classes everyday, so I didn’t think that taking ADHD meds everyday was worth it, and I (incorrectly) recalled that taking the depression meds didn’t help me enough to validate taking it everyday, instead only when it got really bad, but that plan didn’t work because when my depression is bad I don’t even have enough energy to text back or walk like four steps total to get my laptop, let alone walk to the bathroom and get the pills.

So I didn’t take it, besides from when I worked my first 8-hour shifts at my first job. And those side-effects were extreme, because my body wasn’t used to these meds that were incredibly high in dosage because that’s what I need. I felt nauseous and dizzy enough to faint and went to the back room like four times an hour for a drink of water and it was still way less than I wanted. And I still didn’t learn my lesson about how the side-effects would get easier to handle if I took them more, but worse if I only took them on worst-case bases. I was thinking more in the moment about how bad I felt then, rather than about how I could feel better in the future if I pushed through.

I had a series of awful days, just last week. I cried several tears with no clear cause, only my own thoughts and boredom and depression, which means a lot in relation to me because I don’t cry. I watched Dear Evan Hansen and The Prom live, both with the original cast, and only cried a total of five tears at most, despite how these musicals and their subject matters are very dear to me. It was a bad week that came out of nowhere, nothing extraordinarily bad happened. I did the same thing as always, if not more. But still, it was a very bad week, because I was experiencing the heavy depression and it didn’t go away after I fell asleep. I don’t have classes on Wednesdays this semester; I have a lab on Mondays, and three lectures in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I learned last semester that having enough leisure time to chill in my apartment for several hours between classes only makes going to the later class way more tedious. I usually get picked up by one of my parents on Thursdays while whichever of them it is drives home from work that day. That week I was lucky to have my Thursday classes cancelled, so I got picked up a day early.

Being home is good for my health, adding it all up. It makes me a bit insecure about being independent, but fuck that I’m only 18 and I love my parents, I don’t need to be completely independent yet. Being home only improved when @pointlessoressential moved in with me; having someone so similar to me in regards of being content sitting and doing our own thing without the expectation to have something to Do™ all the time. It’s good for me, to have someone around me so I don’t get too isolated, but also not too overwhelmed. I’m usually pretty open with my mom, too, so being with her during the weekend and being able to talk with her or watch some easy TV together is good. I’ve never been very good at opening up to people; my main characterization with friends I’m not as close with is sarcasm and puns and whatever other humor to distract both of us from personal issues. I’ve been trying to get better, with help and reminders from the aforementioned bee and mom, as well as my best friend (who yes my meeting of and bonding with can indirectly be connected to that kindergarten friend, if you were wondering) who is much more skilled at telling me about her feelings than I am. But I’m trying. So I told my mom about how I had been having a bad week, once I got home.

My mom has dealt with depression her whole life, too. Most of her life she thought she also had anxiety, but when I was diagnosed with ADHD, the psychiatrist who had prescribed me the medications I take explained to both of us that ADHD in afab people (I'd say women bc my mom is cis but I'm nonbinary, so afab people) can be misdiagnosed as anxiety bc it’s different from what TV shows it to be, and the reactive anxiety (as opposed to constant, causeless anxiety from an anxiety disorder) is a symptom of ADHD. She’s dealt with the same issues all her life, so I go to her often when I hit the wall.

She told me to take the medication. I said I didn’t like the side-effects. She bought me mouthwash that helps dry mouth and a box of Rice Krispies Treats so I can eat something small but filling when I lose my appetite. She reminded me that the side-effects would improve if I took the medication more often. I am privileged in that I had the opportunity to see a doctor for my issues and be able to afford (even if barely) my medication, and I should take advantage of that instead of taking it for granted.

This is a long post, sharing my personal story about having mental illnesses, and how medication helps. It may not feel like it took effect, but then it’ll wear off and you’ll realize the difference. It’s better to feel stable, to feel “normal” for most of the day, than to get used to feeling awful. I took my medication this morning before class; I’ve taken about five hours to write this whole thing, due to having begun it before one lecture started, then continuing it during another while also listening to my professor review the first five chapters of Return of the King and discuss it with us. And now I’m in my apartment, on my laptop, switching between ending this PSA and checking on due dates and reviewing my calendar and just being 10 times more productive than I ever am.

I don’t know if anyone will need this advice. I don’t know how many will even click the read more. But this is a blog site, and this is something I’m trying to learn and have it remembered. It’s something I needed to put into words, and now it is.

#mental health #medication #depression #adhd #american education #this has been a psa #mental health advice

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