WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO HURT ME THIS WAY?

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM  ANYMORE

FUCK

Without you

I will learn how to breathe without you

I will learn how to cry without you

I will learn how to hold myself together without you

I will learn how to sleep without you

I will learn how to smile without you

I will learn how to be happy without you

I will learn how to function without you

I will learn how to talk without you

I will learn how to walk without you

I will learn how to feel without you

I will learn how to be without you

          Because you're the reason I have to start learning me all over

Please dont tell me you love me

Please just dont

I cant handle another heartbreak

I cant get close like that again

I'm so sorry

PLEASE DONT BRING BACK THE MEMORIES

PLEASE DONT BRING THEM  BACK

I CANT EVEN FUNCTION ANYMORE

PLEASE JUST STAY AWAY

I CANT DO THIS WITH YOU.

I CANT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU.

I NEED OUT. 

Please 

make

it

stop

Healing

I honestly don't know when  you became so important.You came in and made me believe you were somebody that I could cling to. Somebody who would drag me out of the giant fucking ocean that i was drowning in. But you fooled me. You hurt me. You fucking hurt me and after a year it still hurts. I cant hear your name without feeling empty because at one point that name meant everything to me. Your name was safety and love. Now it just reminds me that that part of me, all the parts that I gave you, are gone. Its all fucking gone and I think it hurts so much because I gave you everything i had and so much more even when I had nothing left to give i still kept giving because to me you were worth it. But then you go and make me feel worthless and I still remember how I found out. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and the air was being sucked out of my lungs and I still cant fucking breathe. It felt like I had just lost everything. You took everything. Thats when I learned that you can not rely on somebody to save you. All i did was give you the power to destroy me and you made all my dreams nightmares. Seeing you in the halls makes me hyperventilate. YOU WERE EVERYTHING. That was my first mistake. Even after I found out, you had all your friends trying to get me to talk to you, so like an idiot I did. I tried to be friends.  Here I was still fucking giving you parts of me and you were the one who fucked up. I was the one trying. I dont even know why I did. I kept giving you second chances with just our friendship and you tried to make it something more.YOU LEFT. You fucking left. You cant just hurt somebody like that and expect them to allow you to touch them and pretend to fucking love them again. You dont miss a second chance on hurting somebody though, do you? no. You are the reason I am scared of myself at night. Im scared of falling asleep. Im scared that at school im going to turn around a corner and bump into you and smell your cigarette smoke and just lose it all over again. You say the pain isnt one sided, that youre sorry and that its hard to breathe too. But i know I wasnt the one who left. I wasnt the one who took anything away from you. You arent empty. You arent broken. You are pretending to hurt so you can suck me back in because you know I cant stand to see you cry. But ive cried so much. You dont know how many times it just randomly fucking hits you and you are powerless. You sit on the floor trying to hold yourself together because you know you wont ever be the same. That person took something big from you and now you just... hurt. That night was the worst, i swear i didnt sleep and theres been so many nights like that since then. i was alone. And it hurts because no matter what, even now, if you needed somebody and nobody was there id be there for you. I hate you. But i cant get out of my mind the fact that i loved you. A year later, yes it still hurts. Im learning how to breathe though. Without you. Im scared of letting somebody that close to my heart again.  Im learning how to just...be. You arent my world anymore. You will always be in the back of my head. I will be okay I will be okay I swear I will learn how to be okay. Im sick of falling apart. Im sick of trying to let you go and trying to get you to let me fucking go. So i wrote this and I know youre going to say that it hurts you. I know it doesnt. But thats okay because its not for you anymore, its for me. I know you hurt me and I used to think beyond repair but now I can see the cuts becoming scars and I know that I will heal. I forgive you. I just wish youd leave me alone so i can forget you.