#my calorie intake has been steadily trending downhill like tonight even with this stuff being a solid 200 (mostly bc of milk) still i got | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 11 months

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having actual sweet stuff for the first time in a week or so (bc ED Brain(tm) ) and I figured I'd make enough at once and have it over today and maybe tomorrow and I'm about a third of the way through it and have a horrid headache and feel rotten D:

#also very much like harming. anyway. not going to bed til nine. i am aware of there being a knife in my room.#and for now im listening to music and writing so hopefully this will calm me #not having any more of this stuff tonight #but im maybe starting to panic a wee bit idk if it's reasonable #my calorie intake has been steadily trending downhill like tonight even with this stuff being a solid 200 (mostly bc of milk) still i got #less than 1200 which isn't especially healthy #but i don't know how to stop it #even with the dietitian without other people around who will actually do smth about it i don't know how to do this #i think i *will* talk to my friend's mum maybe asap within the next couple weeks or smth if i can #bc also like. she knows the state of my heart. both from the pov of having known about the whole thing with her son earlier and from going #through similar herself at a similar age. so i can talk to her about general emotional stuff as well as the eating problems - maybe if i ge #brave id also be like o yea and talking to your son i prioritised during conference over eating so i barely ate all week - and maybe also #the suicidal/sh bit to it too. i don't know. maybe. i kinda want to tell her. ive considered confiding in her before. but i don't know #life is hard and people is hard and i just #oh you know the drill. the usual breakdown. gosh i disgust myself #tw ed #tw sh #tw suicide #personal #puddleglum hours #it sure ain't that i don't get joy out of life. just. yeah. i dunno

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