Tumgik
#my brain is so tired but cant stop thinking about syllables
chemmerson · 2 years
Text
need to do work but brain hurts
0 notes
cleaduvalls · 5 years
Text
i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)
these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie
1.1
no theme song. :/
wow specific location
wow. we love lying to our spouses
greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg
oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables
i dunno id rather go on an adventure
oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute
they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule
how do you..... classify a move
also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents
dont you mean SWAT
is that tom kenny?????
thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen
shes 14???
since when can he build???
since when do they LIVE at the oss?????
thats a ball. not a blob
oh mood
juni your voice is so squeaky
Every Villain Is Lemons
is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix
the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards
you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND
ew
did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????
alliteration
take a wild guess carmen
why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????
"sis"??? who says that
oh boy fart jokes already
little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys
did you mutate the agents too?????
oh i feel you juni
oh boy butt jokes
carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places
is he... gonna kill them?????
oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!
theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes
teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right
there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids
roll credits
juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids
i want to be her
are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british
hes like 11 what do you expect from him
ahavschaj acemate
carmens FACE she looks HIGH
finger guns???? hes bi
THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!
TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!
F L O O P!!!!!!!!!
nvm i want to be HER
im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????
piercings!!!!!
and i OOP-
aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice
maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite
why are the parents here
who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on
oh i love carmens socks
i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic
haha coward
to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy
:0 sneaky
nice timing
1.2
wow ig there really is no theme song :(
how can he sleep with a TEACUP
i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????
wow big flex
and i OOP-
scorpions so mean i love her
for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie
i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point
did she hang up on them?????
when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad
K A N Y E?????????
oh no they all have died
drowning a chainsaw????????
PLENTY OF PEOPLE
my parents whenever im tired
did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal
me
stop yelling
at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk
why are the spotlights on carmen
*2 hours later*
dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have
i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about
in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"
everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace
class lasted for 5 minutes wtf
do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts
ok visage thats a little too far
i hate this dude so much
visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class
psi???? like earthbound????
😔
theyre not wrong
STOP YELLING
thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak
why are you saying that out loud
dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment
wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles
i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????
why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward
also i love her ringtone
is that tom kenny again??????
thats.... not how it works
he should not have made that
so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point
take a wild guess
spurious??????? why are you using his first name
i dont???? think you can????????
1.3
the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet
i love his voice
thats not disco thats TECHNO
actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco
she has spotify premium???? nice
ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!
why do both cortezes have the floor bed???
how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????
sounds more like kids music than folk music
HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)
yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time
he has a bazooka you might wanna run
"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too
glitch chill
oh yay piss jokes
how does so much stuff come out on the floss
she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch
creative name
also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link
glitch its clearly a virus
carmen you can go, psi can handle this
hes so protective of his records im dying
BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"
1.4
i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy
it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this
this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points
is that really a good idea carmen???
throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian
oh no they died
JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP
sheilas a great name shut up
listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water
yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE
you sound like youre on crack
oh no he died
one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth
hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???
hey he calles him juni!!!
s n e a k y
what even is heat rash?????
STOP YELLING
nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH
6 notes · View notes
one-shoop · 4 years
Text
I just had basically a panic attack or whatever over my dad calling for dinner. Oh but who would guess being singled out by a scream "FLOOOOOF! COME EEEAT!" every freaking night and told "COME ON HONEY" and "DID YOU HEEEEAR?" "FLOOOOOF?" "FLOOOF? ANSWEEEER?" doesn't give me, the girl who's terrified of eating to the point where she skips meals almost everyday, panic attacks. Dear god i cant freaking eat dad, I CANT EAT BECAUSE IT TRIGGERS MY GODDAMN OCD. But nooooooo. Apparently nobody bothered to ask me my triggers or even do some research after my diagnosis. And forgive me lord if Im not enthusiastic about explaining it myself becase EVERY GODDAMN TIME I TOLD SOMEONE THEY FORCED ME TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Told me "but the food is gooood" and "come oon, you need to eeeeeat" like i stg i'm so fucking tired
Of people telling me for an hour and a half to come fuck myself over with triggers and panic all the way and not be able to eat and be ashamed of myself and feel weak and unable to do anything. Like Jesus guys IT TRIGGERS MY OCD. MEANING THAT I CANT FUCKING EAT PEACEFULLY. I SONT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK IF ITS GOOD OR NOT. ITLL SCARE ME TO FUCKING HELL.
And yeah, for supportive parents they sure are doing the fucking lords job right? After fucking up myself to ask fir help thar never vame and was always denied or stripped to its bare minimums then told to accept that as tje ultimate help, I finally ficking tet someone who validates me and gives me a diagnosis. Ans yoy funky get fuckjng told to your faces that FORCING KIDS TO FACE THEOR FEARS IS THE WORST THING FOR THEIR HEALTH. And MAYBE if you knew anything at fucking all you'd fucking realize that when I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR HELP OUT OF FEAR OF BEING SHAMED FOR IT, maybe is your fault???? And maune it impedes on mh recovery???? And maube i shouldn't be the only one to fucking take stepd to retake that???? Im all foe fu king getting the help I gucking need but for fucks sake cant any of you look like you can more for, I dunno, fucking parenting, other than whatever fycking meal you're having???? Is it roo kuch to ask to help me retake my right to asking for the hospital since its been mentioned at that same fucking meeting we talk about that I've tried asking for goddamn help and you said no????
Like you had a goddamn professional tell you that WHEN YOUR KIDS WANT HELP, YOU CANT DENY IT. And that by pretending that I jad to tough it up, you fucked me up way more. And thw most I got was a half assed sentence of "BUT IM PLACING ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF, ITS UNHEALTHY" as fucking soon as the goddamn bells rang.
Like you had the nerve to ACXUSE ME of NOT asking for help and fucking NOT telling you anything. Ans believe it or not I STILL FUCLING THOUGHT THAT about a second ago. But honestly? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANULNE BE HONORABLY FORCED TO ASK FOR HELO THAT TJEU KNOW WILL NEGER VOME??? JUST SO YOU CAN SAY I WAS THE PERFECT VICTIM WHO STILL BELIEVED IN YOU???? BECAUSE AFTER ALL THIS CRAP, AFTER BEING TOLD THE TRUTH, THE FIRS TTHING IM TOLD WHEN WE GET OUT IS THAT I NEED "TO TRUST YOU MORE"? AND "TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS?" am I someone's fucking puppet here??? Do you just want ro ficking play with me until youre done?????
Like what the fuck???? YOU THOUGHT I "DID THE WRONG THING" BY NOR ASKING COR HELP. BUT YOU SONS OF DEMONS, YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN YOUR PHILOSOPHY WAS THAT FUCKED UP PIECE OF MENTALITY FROM THE GODDAMN FARK AGES THAT YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR KIDS TO FUCK OFF. OKAY??? YPU KNEW THAT ENOIGJ TO EXPLAIN IT IN BARF-INCUDING CLARITY HOW APPARENTLY ONE SINGLE GUCKING BOOK ON ANXIETY IN KDIS WAS ENOUGB TO RID YOU OF YOUR ENTIRE HUMAN BRAIN AND SUDDENLY IT DIDNT MATTER HOW MUCH WE CRIED AND BEGGED AND GELT ALONE AND NEEDED YOUR SHIR COMFORT, TOU DIDNT CARE???? WELL FUESS WHAT???? THE FIRS TTHING YOU TELL ME WHEN SHE SPEAKS, BLESS THWT DOCTIR, IS THAT I DONT EVEN ASK FOR HELP. and bless me I told them YO I ASKED FOR THE HOSPITAL AND YOU TOLD ME I WASNT SICK ENOUGH. AND YOU BOTH HAD THE GODDAMN MIND TO REFUTE IT. UNTIL MOM TOLD DAD TO STOP BEXAUSE "SHES RIGHT, ITS OUR FAULT, OUR BAD".
Like what the fuck??? Tou already knew that you wouldn't have given any help anyways??? Why the fuck am I even supposed to fucking ask??? Why did you EVER tell me to ask??? Was ir so you could feel fucking welcome??? So you could feel so fucking badass and awesome telling me the goddamn word of light exquisite and God Almighty in his tree in heaven that "FIND AOLUTIONS AND STOP CRYING"???? OR, NO, WAIT, EZCUSE ME, WAD I SUPLOSED TO COME SEE YOU SO YOU COULD PEP-TALK ME INTO FUCKING OFF FROM FEELINGS LAND AND "FIND SOLUTIONS"??? Did you want to feel like you gave me comfort without actually giving me some??????
Like what the fuck???????????? And -- why the FUCK foes it STILL appear smart tp tell me to fucking TELL YOU SHIT? GUYS I TOLD TOU MORE SHOT I WAS LEGALLY ONLIGATED TO. YOU CAME TO MEET MY THERAPISTS. YOU GOT THE BRIEFINGS WITH ME WHEN I INVITED YOU. YOU GOT TO SEE MY PSYCHIATRIST, AND MY DOSSIER, AND MY MEDS. I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A LISTENING EAR AND NOT AFVICE, I TOLD YOU I FELT SCARED SOMETIMES OF EATING, I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY OBSESSIONS, I ASKED YOU IF I COULD GO TO BE HOSPITALIXED BECASUE OCD GOT TOO BAD.
And you laughed at my fuccking obsessions. When i was a kid my biggest trigger was barfing, and bile. And guess fucking what? You fucking laughed around and invented the worst fucking single thing ever to say "fuck you get better" which was switching the goddamn syllables together and fuckinf singing it to me like it was fine now. Fucking laughing at me whenever ai had goddamn panic attacks. I diagnosed my own goddamn trigger at, what, ten? BUT I NEGER ASKED FOR HELP BECAUSE YOU FUCKINF LAUGHED AT ME EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES AND MY EARS AND PANICKED TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. I WAS FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE. I COULD NOT BEAR IT. AND WHEN YOU SAW A TERRIFIED CHILD, YOU SID NOTHING EXCEPT LAUGH AND SAY "there, now they're done with talking, tou can stop closing your ears now". YOU FUCLING NOTICED JN THE WORST WAY POSSUVLR. I REGRET SHOWING YOU THE FIRST ENTRY I MADE ON THIS. I WAS SO ASHAMED OF IT. I THOUGHT IT EAS WRONG. OR SHAMEFUL. AND -- GUESS WHAT? I THOUGHT IT WAS YNIQUE TO MEZ TOO. IT WA THE SINGLE MOSR SCARY TJING IN MY EXIDTENCE. MY CHEST BURNED AND SQUINTED AND I FELT JOT AND I CRIED AND VRIED AND BEGGED AND YELLED IN MY HEAD FOR PEOPLE TO STOP, IN THE BUS, AT SCHOOL, AT HOME. AND IF YOUD BEEN SLIGHTLY GIOD AT YOUR FUCKINF JOB I MOGHT HAVE TOLD YOU FUVKASSES. BHT NO. AND GUEDS WHAT? UNLESS WHST YOUVE FUCKING TOLD ME, BEING IN PAIN IS NOT ONLY VALID OR UNSHAMEFUL WHEN YOU ASK ADULRS WHAT TO DO. FOR HOW FUCLING LONG HACE I BEEN TOLD THAT PAIN DOESNT MATTER UNLESS AN ADULT IS ON THE CASE? HOW LONG HACE U WANRED SOMEWHRRE WHERE GODDAMN ADULTS DIDNT FUCK YOU OVER? DIDNT CONTR EVERY THOUGHT YOH HAD? WHERE SAYING "YOURE WRONG" ISNT AN INSULT? WJERE KIDS ARENT JUST DENIED A COICE BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS?
Ughhhhh.how many times should I get convinced that your help is worth crap? That searching for your goddamn advice and "comfort" is of any goddamn help? That what shit you give me is actually good enough?? What this it worth my time? That I should be looking at myself??? That i should be squinting and hating myself???? That I'm not worth saving??? That -- goddamnit. God fucking samn jt. Goddamnit im so done with all these excuses. I'm so fucking -- I wanted help, I wanted love, I wanted excuses and loce and light and fear and farkness and friends and family and I cant even talk anymore. I cant talk from myf eeljngs anu.kre. I have ti go on goddamn instinct because my goddamn vortex is fucked up. I realize I eas incpaable of having a mental nature by myself at 8. When I eas alone, I couldn't feel anything. I felt aimless, I just felt nothing. I couldnt bring myself to feel anything. I ducking mtocied that, and yes, tou noticed to, but your goddamn reaction was to tell me to get a life and stop obsessing about that friend I used to play with and just learn to do shit myself and do shit on my own. (Basically, to my own stupid ass brain, this trainwreck of a sentence means I was like a kid who needed autonomy from their parents and needed to learn their life was their own.) Bur yeah!!!! Whenever I was alone I didnt give a shit!!!! I felt aimless!!! Lost!!! Shitty!!!!! And when I first saw myself as a disgusting hump of crap I was 10, I wss running happily and sang a song about witches ans I saw myseld in my head and god I looked like garbage and I hated it. I hated what I looked like. I resented the idea that people had to see me. I thought, why do people even stay with me, I'm disgusting. I can never pinpoint the reason becauee yes, my brain is that fucked-up. Someday it will be back.
But seriously. Does anyone else have old stores from early teens where everyone kept fuclibg Escalon without telling their parents?where kids didnt go home? Where the bes tthi g ws just leaving forever? Anyone think the second arc of Warriors was the bestBEXAUE THEY LEAVE and you KNOW they'll leave and you KNOW things are always better and sorry Leafpaw bur I hated tour arc like goddamn shit itself because SCREW THE CLANS, I hate them and I wanted ro leave anywhere that ft like home.
What do kids feel about their homes? Do fhey ever wish they moved? Do they ever seriously ask themselves why the fuck anyone would want to live here? Do they find it unnapealing? Are you supposed go be HAPPY to come home after a trip? Are you supposed to feel completely shitty from coming back, like a failure? Like you weren't supposed to come back, you were supposed to stay awau forever?
Did any kids have zero track of time? Did any kids watch old videos from babytime and realize that there's just something fucking terrifying about it without knowing fucking why?
I saw a kid watch a video on repeat of her dad doing something random like, an old baby recording from when the kud was running in the hallway and he caught her. She watched it on repeat for so, so long , until her phone stopped working I think. And i Remember being touched in a way I neger knew possible, and telling myself from the top of my ripe old 13th year, well thars not something ive ever done or wanted to do. I remember going, why the fuck would you do that? Aren't you happy hes gone? Aren't you happy to be gone?
I remember being straight terrified of my paternal grandmother at 5 only to realize yeara later that she used to be violent and terribly abusive to everyone. I remember being terrified of my aunt's husband, and feeling something undescribable that felt lile a stabbing wound in my aunt's eyes, until I finally learned that he used to beat her. I remembwr hating Éric Salvail for some reason and being really u comfortable around him until BAM, guess who was a goddamn creep and sexual harrassment pro? This guy. I remember so many fucking things that made me uncomfortable and it turned out to be right, about people at least.
But I remember hating my own picture for as long as I can remember. My face unsettles me. I never fully write why, or go to the end of my thoughts. I have problems, I know. I hope knowing what they are will help.
0 notes