Hi Clari! I hope you're doing well<3 I wanted to ask you a question because you not only seem to be comfortable sexually but we also share a lot of preferences! You were the one who got me on board with stepcest with our favorite Touya-nii~ Anyway, I am painfully shy about sex despite being in a long-term healthy relationship. I noticed that when you write Reader, we have similarities in being both shy and kinda desperate, but Reader seems to be more able to be vulnerable. You talk about your sex life and seem to be well-oriented, so I was curious about where you get your confidence from? Is it something you even think about? Even if I want to explore my kinks I tend to freeze up so do you have any advice?

hi anon bb!! thank you luvie i hope you are as well!! <3 ooh this is an interesting question!

so, like tnii’s reader, i am actually also super shy when it comes to sex. i’m a little brattier than she is, but for the most part i am still rly rly shy. my boyfriend knows this; we had a long discussion about it, because it concerned him a little—like why am i still shy when i feel comfortable and safe with him? etc—and we came to the conclusion that it most likely has roots in trauma & how that affects/has affected my self esteem. we also came to the conclusion that i really DO want to speak up more/be more vocal and gave him permission to gently (or not so gently sometimes ehehehehehehe) push me to tell him what i want, to use my words, etc etc. and even though it lights my whole body on fire because i feel sooooo embarrassed and shy, it’s also rly hot and i always feel like ??? i dunno, this sense of relief almost? it’s like this gush of pure love for him that surges through my veins after he gently coaxes things out of me, like i’m proud of myself for doing it and he’s proud of me and i love him so much for understanding and for helping me, and us, find ways to work through/with my shyness.

in general tho i am also a very shy person, at least when i first meet someone! i become more vibrant and chatty after i get to know them a little better but those beginning stages always have me like >.< waaaaah hehe

so, unfortunately, my advice is just talk about it. i know that sounds obvious, but open + honest communication and trust are both so important, like in my opinion they’re two of the foundational keys to a healthy relationship. maybe you and your partner can find some ways to work with your shyness that work for the both of you the way my boyfriend and i did! additionally, it seems like you have a general idea of what the root cause of this is, noting that you struggle with vulnerability, so if i were you, i would explore that first and foremost and try to get to the bottom of those feelings and why they exist; like why do you struggle with feeling vulnerable/allowing yourself to feel vulnerable? what is it that makes you feel so shy and self conscious? etc etc. i think that if you can get to the root cause there it may help you a little in moving forward and solving this problem!!

i also have this ask which gives some general advice for talking to your partner about your kinks!! in this ask the kink in question is a daddy kink, so tw for that <3

i hope this helps a lil anon bb <33