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wolfbabedeluxe · 4 years

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who you are now | da:o fanfic

pairing: Alistair x Female Aeducan

summary: While on a trip to Denerim, Aeducan’s past begins to come to light, leaving Alistair feeling a bit insecure.

word count: 1630

notes: I didn’t give the warden a first name on purpose. While I know what my Aeducan’s name is, I like to leave it open so you can fill in the blanks as you like.

She knew that voice. As deep as the stone from which they came, Gorrim's voice cut through the din of the market, and settled in her heart. She had to fight her feet to keep from running towards him. It had been well over a year since last they had seen each other, and this wouldn't be the first time she thought she heard his voice, only to end up disappointed.

"Fine dwarven crafts! Direct from Orzammar!" this was no mistake. This was her second, her first love, alive in front of her. When his eyes met hers, they lit up, and he rushed around his stall to see her. "My lady! By the stone, it's you." They reached out and shared an embrace. She wasn't sure how long they stood there, only that holding him felt like coming home. When he let go, she saw tears in his eyes, and she blinked away her own. "My lady Aeducan… I never thought I would see you again."

"It's been well over a year since last I saw you. How have you found life on the surface?"

He tensed slightly, and she knew she was missing something. He stroked his beard, taking a breath before explaining what his life had been like since last they spoke. Gorrim was married now. He was going to be a father. The life she imagined with him so long ago was now forever out of her grasp. Her stomach sank, knowing their love was officially a thing of the past. "You and I both knew nothing could come of our love, my lady. I will never regret the time we spent together, and you will always have a place in my heart."

She couldn't help the tears that fell as she smiled, reaching out for his face. He took a deep breath as she stroked his cheek. "You will always have a place in my heart as well. I'm glad you've found a new life here. You're a good man, Gorrim. The best. You deserve happiness."

She could feel the gaze of her companions as the two discussed their past. She hadn't told anyone why she left Orzammar, and she knew she couldn't keep it secret much longer. The two promised to meet later for drinks. They wouldn't be in the city for long, but she needed more time to tell him what had happened since she was left in the deep roads.

* * * * *

The group made their way back to camp that night. Morrigan and Wynne were arguing over the dinner they were making, and Sten was playing with the mabari. As everyone began to settle into their usual spots, she pulled Alistair away from camp, leading him to a fallen tree, where they both sat.

She looked toward him, but he was having trouble meeting her gaze. "Alistair… please look at me. Let me explain."

She was ready for anger, to see fire in his eyes, and the same hateful gaze he usually saved for Morrigan. What he showed was much worse. He looked hurt. His face was just a little red, his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes… she hadn't seen his eyes so sad since last they spoke of Duncan. It broke her heart, knowing this was all her fault.

"I never told you about my life in Orzammar… I never told you who I used to be… I'm sorry."

"You never brought up your old life. Most wardens have pasts they regret, so I never asked…" he looked away again, gathering himself before he spoke again. "But now I feel like we have to talk about it. Who were you? Who was he to you?" he practically whispered the last question.

"I was putting off this conversation… I know I need to tell everyone about this eventually, but I want to tell you first… I want you to hear this from me and no one else. I hope you'll understand why." She reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze before taking a deep breath. "I come from noble house Aeducan in Orzammar. My father… was King Endrin. So I-"

"You're a princess? Why didn't you-?" he finally turned towards her, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly.

"I was a princess. Not anymore."

"Not anymore? What does THAT mean?" his voice was raising from the shock, and perhaps a touch of anger now.

"It's a bit complicated. Let me explain." she told him everything that happened before she left. Her brother's murder, her sentence, but most difficult was explaining the shaperate and her status as an exile.

"Okay so let me see if I've got this right. You were born and raised as a princess, you were framed for your brother's murder and now you've been exiled to the surface? You can never go back?" she nodded, grateful for the attention he gave her. The look of hurt returned and his voice grew quiet. "Why didn't you tell me? I told you about my father... I would have understood."

"It's not the same, Alistair. Your birth right was kept secret, but you could still become king…" her voice caught, not prepared how much the truth of her exile would hurt to discuss. "But I was disgraced. I lost any claim to the throne. I lost my family. I'm basically not even a person to them anymore." In the time since she left, she vowed to commit to her new life. She would find her honor, not in Orzammar, but as a warden. After seeing Gorrim however, she realized how much it cost her. Orzammar would never be her home again. She let herself cry, and she felt Alistair's arms wrap around her as she wept. "I lost everything. Not just my title and my house and my home… I lost myself… until I officially joined the wardens… until I found you."

They both grew quiet. He understood. Their histories were so different, but they were bound together by this order, this sense of purpose. He squeezed her tight before letting her go to wipe her tears and look at her face. This was the first time she had cried in front of him. She had seen him broken up over the loss of the wardens, and she sympathized, but she steeled herself and carried them both through it. He suddenly realized just how strong she was, and how lucky he was that she felt safe enough to trust him with her tears.

"Okay, but that doesn't explain… who was that man in the market?"

She sighed, part of her hoping he would have forgotten. "Gorrim was… he was my second. He was my body guard, my attendant. He always treated me with care and respect and… and we cared for each other. My family wouldn't allow it, so our relationship was secret, and was never bound to go much further than what it was. He was my first love, but one that we both knew wouldn't last… But when you spend that much time with someone, it's not uncommon for feelings to grow… It's not unlike how my feelings have grown for you." she reached for his hands, and he allowed it, but she could feel him about to slip from her grasp.

"So you only care for me because I'm around a lot? I could be anyone and you would feel the same? Lucky it was me that survived then, and not some other warden. " his tone was humorous, but it stung with honest doubt.

It was her turn to feel hurt. She took her hands back and stood in front of him. Even sitting down he was tall and she still had to look up into his eyes. She felt tears forming. She couldn't tell if they were from anger or sadness, but she refused to let them fall. She frowned, her face stern as she began to berate him.

"I don't just care about you because you're around a lot! I care about you because you're a kind, good man. I care about you because you're handsome and sweet, and you never fail to make me laugh. I care about you because you always treated me with kindness and respect. You treated me like a princess without knowing the truth. I couldn't feel that way about anyone except you."

His eyes grew wide and even in the moonlight she could see the blush creep into his cheeks. "I uh… wow. I've never had someone yell at me so lovingly before. I've got to admit, it was a nice change of pace." He reached for her hands and when she accepted, he pulled her into a hug. The metal of their armor scraped together, but neither of them cared. "Thank you for telling me all of that. I wish I could say that my feelings haven't changed, but-" she pulled away to look at him, terrified of what would come next. He lowered his voice, practically purring in her ear, "Now that I know you're a princess I've really got to step my game up."

He pulled her in for a kiss, soft and chaste at first. Then he kissed her again. And again. He kissed her until she melted into his arms. When they pulled apart his face was pink and his hair was a mess and she was sure she looked the same.

"We better go make sure Morrigan and Wynne haven't ruined dinner. I suspect now I'm going to have to tell everyone… about who I used to be."

"For what it's worth, I like who you are now." he gave her one more kiss, before the two walked back to camp, back to the fire, back to their friends.

#dragon age fanfiction #da fanfic #dragon age origins #dragon age #dao #alistair x aeducan #alistair x warden #briana writes #brascha aeducan #bri.post

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