Day 2: I’m human, and that’s the fucking point

Today I got off my schedule – which maybe seems absurd since it’s only the second day. But I didn’t get off it due to laziness or self-doubt or fear. It’s easy to make a plan and then, when you leave it, even for a moment and for a good reason, bludgeon yourself because you “didn’t commit.” I guess the learned-brain thinks it takes less energy to keep to the familiar tactic of self-abuse rather than take the time to distinguish between what’s laziness and what’s love. It was good practice for me today to not be a shitty-hearted perfectionist. I got off my schedule because of human interactions with people that I care about and who live in my small circle. I trusted my gut that I was needed elsewhere for small periods of time. While I was doing that, I was up on my roof with our myriad plant babies so my periphery was doused in spring-green and my glance fell across a familiar metal container which, for whatever crazy reason, prompted my autopilot brain to so softly whisper, “You’re being boring.” I caught the thought and responded, “If I can’t allow myself to be human because it’s uninteresting, what the hell am I going to write about?” There were numerous sentences I heard today that were not intellectually dense or tricky or profound but that simply expressed some feeling or moment every human being has experienced and those made me feel so good. One was a Joni Mitchell line from the Dog Eat Dog album, track “The Three Great Stimulants”: “I picked the morning paper / off the floor / It was full of other people’s / little wars.” Another was a description of when you break a chocolate chip cookie just out of the oven in half and the chocolate droops in an arc and a puff of steam clouds into the air. Both of those lines comforted me because I thought, “Hey, yeah, I know that. I’m not that different.”

I often stop myself from expressing because I’m convinced that I don’t know enough – that’s so vague, but, that’s how vague my thinking is. “Well, I don’t know enough about physics or history or political science, so I guess I can’t write a song today.” Really had to fight against that today. My writing time was spotty because I felt keenly aware of how inept at an instrument I am. I was feeling so constrained by my lack of music theory knowledge. But, instead of letting it push me into a dark hole, I just made an adjustment to my morning schedule. Instead of working straight through my music theory textbook as I have been, I am going to focus my attention on learning the main chords and keys, finally cementing the Circle of 5ths in my brain, and memorizing shapes on the piano and guitar. I’m going to also focus on learning Audacity so I can create demo tracks and work out ideas digitally rather than all acoustically.

I did feel really good about my vocal warmups and vocal practice -- been imitating Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good,” trying to imitate her phrasing and wails at the ends of notes. I’ll post a video of a soulful warmup.

It takes so much more energy to pretend to know something I don’t or to be vague about things that are nameable and specific. That’s a lesson I took from today. And that I shouldn’t be surprised that artists I adore write lyrics that I actually can feel in my gut. Why is writing from the heart so fucking hard?

Arithmetic is add subtract multiply divide and any kid can do that. Einstein couldn't do some of the relativity MATH. #math #mathematics #arithmetic #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #music #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

Okay music theory folks. A chords question from my text. #music #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #fredcowie #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

Before I sang, acapella, BLUES IN THE NIGHT, I had the audience envision a spooky Halloween night, spooky music, moon being hidden by clouds, a creeky creepy bridge over troubled waters, and you can't wait to get across the minor key and half-step flat notes of chaos. Harold Alden was the best bridge builder in America. #haroldarlen #johnnymercer #bluesinthenight #bridge #musictheory #musicians #musictheoryhelp #music #fredcowie #vocalist #lastchancelifecoach #professionalartist #helenamontana

A penny a song, words, chords, melody, a Grampa's song book! #childrenssongs #songbook #music #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #fredcowie #stressmanagement #yoga #yogi #meditation #exercise #professionalartist #vocalist #helenamontana #lastchancelifecoach

How I maintain my sanity after a life with so much pain. #deepbreathing #meditation #exercise #yoga #yogi #stressmanagement #упражнение #медитация #дыхание #fredcowie #lastchancelifecoach #vocalist #professionalartist #helenamontana #russianpenpals #russianlanguage #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #

What Mikey might call Four Georgians mode, for Helena was found-ed by "four miners." #minorkeys #minorchords #voicelessons #singinglessons #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #musicians #music #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

My goal "Vocalist as Musician" #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #singinglessons #voicelessons #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

This Johnny Mercer and Harold Alden song was so popular that the movie it was written for had its title changed to BLUES IN THE NIGHT. I am just learning song writing theory and voice theory, but I believe one calls the complex part which talks about the breeze-trees-mocking bird is called a "bridge." Alden is a moody song genius and this part is hard to sing initially but very incredible when done well. #johnnymercer #haroldalden #bluesinthenight #voicelessons #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #songwriting #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

You, your body, has chest, throat, and head resonators and articulates, that you can physically feel, if you practice long and hard. #musictheoryhelp #voicelessons #singinglessons #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

Of course, this means I will never have a real "gig," as in "paid gig," but I'm 73, so is that even a consideration? Get real Fred! #musictheoryhelp #vocalcords #voicelessons #singinglessons #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

Before microphones and amplification, operatic and theater voices had to learn to "project" pure tones over the unamplified orchestra. Are there no voice coaches left in the world, are is it just me? #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #voicelessons #singinglessons #fredcowie #vocalist #professionalartist #lastchancelifecoach #helenamontana

All 2017, every day, maybe four hours each day, I have studied voice, music theory, listened to live music, and discussed all of the above with musicians. I see melody; accompanists' arrangement; personality/ability of singer/s; personality/ability musicians; and the mix. I see voices with accompanists; I see three people acting as one; I see accompanists uncomfortable with singers; I see dozens of varieties of mixes, some strained. None of this did I see before January 1, 2017. And so far I merely sing acapella, not needing to know or see any of the above, but needing to know ALL OF THE ABOVE if I want to move on. #acapella #musicians #musictheory #musicnotation #musictheoryhelp #fredcowie #lastchancelifecoach #vocalist #professionalartist #helenamontana

If you want to use standard Treble Clef notation without a myriad of ledger lines, you can, for instance, write the soprano's part and put an 8 above the clef which means "sing/sound an octave higher than written." #octaveclef #soprano #staff #musicnotation #fredcowie #helenamontana #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #musicians #vocalist #

GOOD NIGHT WORLD FROM BEAUTIFUL HELENA MONTANA. Well, a non-musician , I finished my music theory book, my singing/voice lessons book should be here this week. I have had fun. More fun to come soon. Night all! #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #fredcowie #vocalist #lastchancelifecoach #professionalartist #helenamontana

"Holy high note, Batman!" Ch. 18 doesn't look so easy, but it looks so FUN! Seems like a week's worth of work to me. #musicians #musictheory #musictheoryhelp #fredcowie #vocalist #lastchancelifecoach #professionalartist #helenamontana