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BOOK: DREAM; IN THE STARS
CHARACTER: IWAIZUMI HAJIME X READER
SUMMARY: IN WHICH A GIRL NEEDS TO REPAY HER SINS BY BEFRIENDING WITH A VOLLEYBALL PLAYER.
WORD COUNT : 2285
*LOWERCASE INTENDED.
2.3 ㅡ STARRY NIGHT.
warnings: slight angst, crying hajime.
you woke up in the middle of the night, and you felt like you were freezing to death. you rubbed your eyes tiredly and glanced at the illuminated green numbers on the digital clock. it was only 2:24 am. you groaned in dismay as you put your blanket on top of you, attempting to sleep since you have classes tomorrow. you heard a strong gust of wind blowing against your window, and this irritated you even more. you're too lazy to close the curtains, but you didn't like the sound of the wind either - you let out a frustrated sigh as you wore your white fluffy house shoes, and walked towards your window. your eyes landed on a certain figure, who was standing on the roadside as he looked at the night sky with an emotionless expression.
you squinted your eyes and tried to see it clearly, and you're shocked that iwaizumi hajime was standing outside his house at 2:30 am, wearing only his sweater and sweatpants, he warmed his shivering hands by rubbing them; fatigue engraved on his worn face.
...
"...what the heck, something is not right."
2009, October 11.
"(y/n)-chan, hanami-chan! let's go to the volleyball gym to see them practice!" akane whined as she hugged us from behind, and stomped her foot like a child that wasn't getting what they wanted. you sighed as you turned around to hanami, the girl crossed her arms over her chest, still contemplating whether she should accompany her friend or just go back home and sleep. without a second thought, she then took her school backpack and faced akane, giving her a cheeky grin before she left the classroom.
"b-but please..." she grabbed her wrist, begging her to stay.
"if (y/n) is staying then i will be staying, too."
even though you have better things to do at home, you just couldn't say no to your friends. and plus, you wanted to check up on iwaizumi. your brow furrowed as you rubbed your temples, recalling the moment last night; it wasn't a dream. you thought it was you who was hallucinating, it was midnight after all - but when you looked at him from afar, it was him, iwaizumi hajime was standing there, it's like he was counting stars or something. it was awfully cold yesterday and nobody will just go out without a scarf like that, the more you think about it; the more you think that iwaizumi hajime was hiding something, and it makes you suspicious. akane and hanami were throwing insults at each other again, you couldn't care less about it; as you're trying to analyse about the situation last night.
the familiar low thudding sound echoed through the volleyball court, twelve people were playing volleyball at the center of the gym, six in green uniforms versus six in blue. there were a lot of girls sitting on the floor, cheering and screaming their names. akane squealed and grabbed both of your hands - as she grinned widely, and sat on the floor. hanami and you exchanged glances and let out a sigh. akane gets excited easily especially when she sees someone attractive. she couldn't stop talking about them and this girl won't hesitate to take pictures of them and make it as her collection. frankly, you're not like the other girls, or like akane. you've passed that phase long ago, and it was not a big deal when you're talking to one of the hot guys in school, you just...don't care, and you're focusing more on yourself and many other things that you think it's important.
the girls were screaming again when it was time for oikawa to serve.
"oikawa san! you are the best!"
"he's so handsome! look at him-"
hanami rolled her eyes and turned away, you could clearly see that she was frustrated and annoyed at the same time, she was fuming; and you thought that her ears were in danger of turning into smokestacks. you didn't understand why she was acting in this way, and you tried many ways to comfort her, but to no avail; she was still pissed. akane was smiling dreamingly when matsukawa blocked one of his opponents, she quickly waved at him when he was looking towards her direction.
he just nodded.
"i think he likes me." akane squeezed your wrist and let out a giggle. you laughed at her optimistic behaviour, she was always that cheerful and energetic, she's that kind of friend that you can actually rely on, she was always positive; which you liked her a lot. hanami, on the other hand, was really rational. she hates it when akane asks her about love relationships, basically everything about love, she said that it was a waste of time. hanami was neutral, and her personality was really straightforward, brutally honest about her own opinions and her feelings; and very stubborn. you loved them, you loved all of them, you loved it when they always attacked you with hugs, it was something that you never experienced before, and yet you're given another chance to feel alive again.
"nice one, iwaizumi!" one of the seniors ruffled his hair, and he just smiled in response. this was strange, iwaizumi would normally exchange high fives with all of them. he took a deep breath, then using a blue towel to wipe off his sweats. you're starting to worry about him, he had never been absent-minded before, and the dark circles under his eyes were so obvious.
suddenly, a ball flew towards your direction and hanami stood up and dodged it just in time. iwaizumi yelled at oikawa, and oikawa screamed, their seniors tried to calm everyone down, the fan girls - once again, were shouting and yelling at each other, and the scene was really, chaotic.
what's worse? the coach was nowhere to be seen.
"trashykawa!"
"stop calling me that!" he pouted angrily.
"you almost hit them! you gotta be focus-" iwaizumi retorted.
"i-it's not my fault when hana-chan is looking at me! it's dis-distracting!" the brunette blurted out, and he immediately covered his mouth. everyone was dumbfounded, and oikawa was blushing heavily as he looked at hanami, the girl clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes, a blush spreading across her face. her eyes - her eyes were filled in embarrassment, her hands rubbing on her skirt, hanami had never gotten into this situation before; and oikawa was basically getting into her nerves. a tiny furrow appeared on your head, this exact moment was definitely too cliche for you; typical high school love and puppy love romance, which you've experienced many years ago, witnessing this entire scene again made you shivered slightly.
no, you didn't feel excited at all.
"uhm...i'm too old for this..." you mumbled slightly, rubbing both of your arms, trying to rid yourself from goosebumps.
just then, hanami cracked her knuckles and yelled at oikawa; "fuck you, oikawa! go get your eyes checked!"
───
iwaizumi walked back home without telling you.
after the practice match was over, oikawa dragged you outside the court and ranted at you about hanami, his love relationships and begging for advice, and frankly, you really wanted to excuse yourself and find iwaizumi, but the brunette was whining and complaining about his problems; which you have no choice but to listen to him. you found oikawa somewhat amusing, even though he was always up to no good, very cunning and an absolute prick, but oikawa was actually not a bad person; it's just sometimes - he didn't know how to express his emotions.
"i hate autumn, it makes me all gloomy and sad." - oikawa.
you sighed, putting your hands in your blazer pocket while walking back home. you agreed to his statement, autumn made you feel lonely and depressed, the falling leaves and bare trees - and the atmosphere was totally different compared to summer and spring. the colours were less vibrant, and it was not as refreshing as these two seasons - when you saw flowers blooming and beautiful grasslands, smelling the pine trees as the warm sun drew out their fragrance, you felt happier; it makes you feel at ease. summer and spring give off lighthearted vibes, and you also believed that warm seasons made your mind rest and become refreshed.
in contrast, autumn is a bittersweet season.
it reminds you of both teenagers falling in love when they first met each other, walking among the flower fields, watching the sunset on the beach, and laughter and chatter fill the air - when the weather starts to get colder, it all felt like a daydream, flowers stopped blooming, leaves falling, the once vibrant colours turned dull and monochromatic, only reddish, orange and brown, they said spring and summer is a season of cliches; you could hear birds singing and bee buzzing, it's love in the air - when it comes to autumn, then it's not the case. it's a repetitive cycle, autumn means ever-approaching endings, a threat of frost creeping in anytime, heartbreaking events, romantic love fades away and forms a bittersweet memory that can only be kept inside your heart.
you dislike autumn.
a crunching sound could be heard when you're stepping on these dry leaves, you frowned as you kicked away some of the branches along the pathway, you're worried about him, and you knew that something was up when he just ditched you and didn't inform you that he'll be leaving the court first, which made you feel anxious. "autumn is definitely a stupid season." you mumbled.
you passed by a big field, and you saw iwaizumi hajime sitting on a bench.
you let out a long sigh, slowly approaching him and put your bag beside him, you crossed your arms over your chest and eyed him curiously. "oi, what is wrong...with you..." your voice trailed off when you saw his puffy red cheeks and swollen eyes, he quickly stood up and avoided eye contact with you, iwaizumi hajime didn't expect that - absolutely not expecting that you're here, he felt ashamed, and you wouldn't expect that he had fallen to such a state. "what are you doing here?" he spoke in a harsh tone, grabbing his backpack and trying to leave, you quickly pulled his arm and dragged him to sit beside you.
"you're so stubborn, tell me about it."
"i have nothing to say."
"bullshit. i saw you standing outside your house yesterday at 2 am," you spat.
"you what?!" iwaizumi was surprised, looking at you in disbelief. "how did you know -" you interrupted him while he was speaking, "iwaizumi hajime, i'm serious here, i'm worried about you, what happened? you know you can always talk to me." you said, hugging your backpack and waiting for him to speak. he sighed, and took a deep breath, "my parents want a divorce, some sort of thing...then...uh...it makes me overwhelmed?...ah, forget it, i don't speak to anyone about this..."
iwaizumi hajime hates himself for being weak.
"oh, so you think that pushing your feelings away will sort out your problems? do you think acting strong is the best way to overcome your issues? we all are humans, crying is just an expression, there's nothing wrong with it, you know?" you grabbed his wrist gently and continued, "you said it makes you overwhelmed, and that's fine. it's understandable, you shouldn't keep everything to yourself, showing your weakness doesn't define you, iwaizumi." he bit his lip harshly, in a weak attempt to stop his tears flowing out from his eyes, though he tried, the stored tears continued to flow and the sobs wracked his body, robbing it of the ability to speak. iwaizumi was strong, he was tough, your heart aches when he was breaking down right in front of you, to think that he's been going through a lot of problems by himself makes you want to stay by his side.
when you looked up to the night sky, the stars were glowing brightly, each one was more of a golden yellow orb, and it was different from the stars that you've usually seen for the past few weeks, which their colours were slightly misty and white; a typical autumn night. but today was different, the moon was shining in the middle of blazing stars, definitely a picturesque view. you turned around and looked at him, he closed his eyes, a rattled sigh passing through his parted lips as he did so.
it was a cold autumn night.
"i'm sorry," he spoke softly.
"for what?"
"uh...i didn't wait for you today because i saw you're talking to oikawa, i didn't want to bother you." you let out a laugh, and then you put your hand over your mouth as you found it hilarious and adorable. iwaizumi frowned and pouted angrily, his ears were completely red due to embarrassment.
"i'm serious, i'm sorry."
"it's fine, iwa-chan, please don't ditch me again, i feel lonely," you replied, mimicking oikawa's tone. he smiled, shaking his head, "you are so annoying."
maybe you're older than iwaizumi, maybe you have experienced many shitty things throughout your teenage years, and maybe you have an abusive family that makes you sympathize with those people who're experiencing the same thing as you - more specifically, family issues. when you looked at iwaizumi again, he looked exhausted. you knew exactly how he felt, you knew that it was hard to deal with these things alone, the more you thought about it, you began to feel depressed.
and that's what you feel about autumn; a series of heartbreaking events.
"let's walk back home together," he said.
when he stood up, you pulled iwaizumi into a tight embrace.
"...i'm always here for you."
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BOOK: DREAM; IN THE STARS
CHARACTER: IWAIZUMI HAJIME X READER
SUMMARY: IN WHICH A GIRL NEEDS TO REPAY HER SINS BY BEFRIENDING WITH A VOLLEYBALL PLAYER.
WORD COUNT : 2270
*LOWERCASE INTENDED.
1. Prologue
(ACHROOUS)
DEF : colorless; achromatic.
TW: physical and mental abuse, self harm and suicidal thoughts.
16.6.1979
MARIGOLD SYMBOLIZES PAIN AND GRIEF ㅡ broken youths remained broken, toxic family relationships and insecurities, close friends leaving/backstabbing them, and they sew their hearts over and over again till it bleeds, and put bandages on their hearts and told everyone that they're doing okay (i wish you could give me your heart juice, i need love!)
and you - you were one of the broken youths as well.
you couldn't wait to be alive again, you couldn't wait to move out of your parent's house so that you could live in peace! you didn't have an exact plan of where you're going, and you couldn't just wander around the streets because nasty things were going to happen to you if you stayed in this town for even a single second - everyone hates you here.
you didn't know why you were born in the first place, your parents were abusive to you and you didn't know why you were holding on for so long. it was so painful to the point that you just wanted to scream your lungs out but you restrained yourself from doing so. you couldn't breathe properly the moment when you're standing outside your house. you hoped that they went to other places again without telling you, and even just a few hours could actually spare you from unwanted circumstances.
you've learnt that crying, pleading and begging was pointless, you didn't dare to push your father away when his leather belt hit on your skin. your father used violence as a way to beat the imagination out of you and keep your light from shining too brightly;
"failure, obey the rules, keep your voice down, if you are not careful, you will be abandoned..."
every time he beat you, one or a combination of those messages was meant to enter your flesh, like splashing cold water on your burn areas over and over again; as a reminder for you to meditate on and pray through tears.
because broken youths were meant to be broken, and you have lived a miserable life.
you could feel your neighbors staring at you whenever you walked down the streets, you forced yourself to shrug it off whenever they gave you a look of disgust, pointing behind your back and started to gossip about your parents, which they almost killed your classmate's mother. it was said that the tongue was sharper than a sword, there was no doubt of that. a sword wound may heal, but the wound of someone's words breaking your heart might not. you were enraged, you didn't choose to live with them. why did you need to bear the responsibilities even though you clearly knew that it was not your fault? why did you keep running away?
the summer sun beat upon your back relentlessly, forcing beads of sweat down your forehead. summer weather was driving you crazy, and yet you're trying to run away from a bunch of girls from your class. your body, and especially your hair were covered with sticky liquid as they threw eggs on you - you bite your lip when a small rock hits your head, and you could hear the shouts and sadistic laughter behind you. without thinking, you quickly went to a small alley and hid beside a trash can. your body started to tremble when you heard footsteps approaching you. you kept holding your breath, thinking that it would help you to be more quiet.
"i didn't see her coming here, himari." one of your ex-classmates - aiko, told her as she snorted with laughter. "are you sure? i think we saw her -"
"don't you believe me? mari chan?" her childhood friend asked her innocently, the red-haired female shivered as aiko called out by her nickname, a hint of sarcasm going right over her head. himari rolled her eyes as she asked her other friends to follow her to another street, as she was determined to hunt you down. "that bitch stole my money, how annoying! i'm so going to beat her until she's begging me to stop!"
you clenched your fist, and your nails dug into your palms. your blood pressure skyrocketed, she made several false accusations of you and people actually believed her. you tried to explain, you hoped other people would think rationally and voiced out their opinions - you wish they could tell himari that everything was just a misunderstanding. you hoped that everyone could give you a chance to clear yourself, but you knew that it wasn't going to happen.
you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself down. after that, you stood up and noticed a crumpled piece of paper beside you. you hesitantly took the paper and read it, you have nowhere to run and the only good hiding place, for now, was your house.
"(y/n), run now. i will try to distract them." - aiko
you're on the brink of tears when you see this little note that aiko wrote for you. you thought everyone in this town was cruel, one of your neighbors witnessed the whole situation when you're running away from the girls, your eyes pleading him to save you, maybe he could invite you over to his house and wait until the sun sets, or maybe told the girls not to chase you again because you didn't do anything to them - but he didn't, he didn't even try to save you, you saw him quickly went back to his house and shut the door. at that moment, you could feel your heart shattered into pieces, why were they doing this to you?
you sighed loudly, putting the note inside your pocket. you were crying when you're running towards your house, you didn't feel like going back and yet this was the only solution for you to get rid of the bullies. your legs get really wobbly when you're standing outside your house, staring at the wooden door. you took a deep breath before you went in, you pushed the door open a crack, the smell of cigarette smoke lingered around the house. there were clothes scattered around the dirty floor, candy wrappers so old that turned into dust on the table, and a half-eaten bacon cheese sandwich lay on the chipped blue plate, accompanied by two empty beer cans. your mother was sitting on the sofa, taking out a cigarette from the pack and placing it on her lips, you waited for her to remove the cigarette from her lips as you wanted to inform her that you're back. she turned around and saw you standing there, and her face immediately darkens to a deep red and you knew that she was angry.
"(y/n), where is my food?"
"shit. I must've dropped it when I was...getting chased by the girls..."
just when you wanted to explain, your mother stood up and shoved you away, getting her keys and purse while glaring at you. "you can't even do a simple thing right! what are you?! an idiot?!" she let out a groan of frustration before opening the door.
"just die already." her words stung harder than a slap across the face.
you really wanted to cry right now, but you knew that it was impossible to cry when your father was going to come back after an hour. he will hit you with his belt again if he saw a single tear in your eye,
"why are you crying? you should be happy that i'm your father ! why are you crying?...why..."
damn it, you didn't want to experience it again. you get new bruises and scars every day, and what if your father used boiling water to splash all over your body? you really didn't want it to happen, it was too...overwhelming for you.
you quickly went to your room and shut the door, wrapping yourself a blanket and stared at the wall blankly. the light from the sun shone through the window, but instead of feeling hot, you felt yourself shivered slightly when you thought about those bullies and your parents.
"i've lived enough, i'm so scared...i'm so tired..."
you put the blanket aside as you took out a blade from your drawer and put it on the table. you're trembling, you're struggling to breathe, you're so dizzy to the point that you wanted to bang your head against the wall and screamed - you wanted everyone to listen to you, well, at least giving you a chance to explain yourself, but you never got the chance to voice out your feelings, because they never cared about you, not even one bit. what's the point of living? you didn't have any friends, and your parents treated you badly, so why? why are you still living?
you laughed bitterly, and you didn't hesitate to cut both of your veins. you laid on your bed as your head started to spin. you didn't hurt, you thought you would be actually hurting, which you didn't. that was okay, because you're not a fan of hurting. everything seemed distant and unreal, you had no desire to move. moving didn't seem to be an option anyway. you closed your eyes shut as you could feel yourself dying. but letting go was a relief, right? your breathing was getting slower and slower, your heartbeat - was your heart even beating? you couldn't feel it at all, maybe it had stopped. you didn't mind at all, you've been suffering since you're a child and now it was time for you to rest. the memories floated in and out of your head, as vivid as if you're living through the experience all over again.
suddenly, a light came. you saw something, something at once beautiful and terrible, and you knew it had come for you.
"(y/n) - san."
"(y/n) - san."
you heard someone calling your name, was it a dream?
death wasn't supposed to be like this, isn't it? and now you're standing in your room, looking at your body with pure amazement. you thought they're going to take you somewhere else, like going to a sort of tunnel, with a bright light at the end of it, and angels will be there to greet you. but now, you were still standing there in a fixed position. there was no tunnel, no line of people waiting to greet you.
"(y/n) - san, are you alright?" you turned around and saw a guy who was holding a folder, his blue coloured eyes looking at you with concern. "i know this sounds really awkward but... no angels are coming for you, (y/n). i will be taking you to the afterlife now." you covered your mouth as your face turned red due to embarrassment.
"how - i didn't say anything!"
"i have the ability to read minds, (y/n) - san."
you took a good look at him, he was wearing a black grim reaper cloak and a pair of black shoes. he has black messy hair and slightly thick eyebrows, you could already sense that this man didn't like to talk that much. you sighed and looked at your body again, you could see blood staining on your bedsheets and the blade was on the floor. you winced slightly when you looked at your appearance once again, slightly disgusted by the fact that your mouth was opened wide and your hair was oily and sticky.
your father suddenly burst into your room, and you reacted instinctively in hiding behind the grim reaper's back. your whole body was trembling, you gripped on his cloak as your eyes glued shut, not wanting to know what happened next. "mr.gr-grim reaper, can we go now?"
he chuckled softly and faced you, "yeah and - by the way, just call me akaashi."
───
NAME : (Y/N)
BORN : 1961
DIED : 1979
sin: committed suicide.
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BOOK: DREAM; IN THE STARS
CHARACTER: IWAIZUMI HAJIME X READER
SUMMARY: IN WHICH A GIRL NEEDS TO REPAY HER SINS BY BEFRIENDING WITH A VOLLEYBALL PLAYER.
WORD COUNT : 5158
*LOWERCASE INTENDED.
2.1 ㅡ SOUL.
warnings: major angst.
days had stretched into months, and months had stretched into years. the seasons come and go like old friends. they bring memories of seasons past and the promise seasons to come. even though these seasons were like the circle of life, which means there were some possible new changes and such, but people nowadays still lack a sense of humanity - therefore, you came up with a conclusion that becoming a grim reaper was more likely to be happier than reincarnate into another identity, which you wouldn't face the same thing all over again. maybe the trauma still haunts you, it was hard to forget and move on from what had happened in the past, and the wounds take time to heal.
after going through numerous trials and interrogations, the ruler of the afterlife - kaito-sama had previewed your life throughout these years. you've been told that committed suicide was a crime, and in order to repay your sins - they have given you a task to follow akaashi to guide the deceased to the afterlife.
how many years do you need to follow him? and, do they give you a chance to reincarnate? you have no idea, and you didn't really care about that anyway.
the pale cerise and cranberry pink blossoms of the cherry trees on the streets had fluttered downwards with the end of spring. the temperature was starting to get warmer, you could see people cursing the weather, as they took out their handkerchiefs to wipe their foreheads. nobody knew your existence, after all. you were a spirit, a grim reaper, and you're pretty much happy about it. you wanted to be alone and not interact with humans, you're scared that they will hurt your feelings again. letting out a long sigh, you raised your head for a gulp of air. the sound of the ice cream truck was heard, you saw a bunch of kids running around hysterically calling for their parents to give them money for ice cream. when they got the money from their parents, they went running toward the ice cream truck screaming, "ice cream!" , "ice cream!"
you gulped nervously and ran towards the ice cream truck, you haven't been eating ice cream for god knows how long, and you just wanted to sniff on the creamy, sweet texture to satisfy your desires. there were two kids standing beside you, licking and eating the ice cream happily. one of their cones had sprinkles and candies while the other one had nuts, coconuts and a host of other delicious toppings on them.
"(y/n)..."
no response.
"(y/n), come on." akaashi dragged you away from the scene, you pouted slightly as you followed him. he pinched the bridge of his nose before facing you, and you knew that akaashi was irritated, both of you were on a mission and the fact that you get distracted by an ice cream truck was ridiculous to him. akaashi forced himself to calm down, his angry expression returned to normal. you felt relieved when he patted your head, he usually did that when you're afraid of him, he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable as he tried not to trigger your emotions, akaashi knew everything about your past events, and scolding you was definitely not an option.
"i told you to walk beside me, (y/n). it was hard for me to keep an eye on you when you're walking behind. moreover, i'm sure that you know we grim reapers, also counted as spirits - we won't be able to eat those, you know. "
you let out a dramatic sigh and walked past him, "akaashi...ice cream is literally the best! i mean, have you ever eaten ice cream?"
"(y/n), you never ate anything since the day you died, and it's been 15 years. and to answer your second question, i never eat that before..." his voice trailed off, as he wore a nervous expression on his face. you turned to him, your eyes widened in surprise. you thought akaashi was joking with you, you're flabbergasted and pretty much speechless. maybe akaashi hates sweet things? but, ice cream was basically a dessert that everyone likes - and he really did mention his favourite was sweet sticky rice, you've tried it before when you're little, and you immediately regretted after eating it because it was too sweet for you. akaashi fiddled his fingers when you squinted your eyes, staring at him curiously.
what was he doing in his entire life-
"akaashi-" just when you wanted to speak, he quickly covered your mouth and waved his right hand around. and for the next second, both of you were standing in the living room. you couldn't even process what was happening just now, as akaashi pulled your ear and dragged you upstairs, you made a whining voice as you tried to protest by pushing him away, but akaashi was strong, by the time when you guys were outside the room; your right earlobe had a light bruise and it was all thanks to your partner.
you crossed your arms over your chest and let out a huff, "kaito-sama told you not to simply use your powers here in case there are any emergencies..." you sighed, pushing the door open without looking at him. there were times that akaashi would suddenly get really flustered when you asked him a few questions that he didn't know how to answer, and as a result; he would end up using his powers and bring you to other places. but today? it was unacceptable. akaashi never did this to you, and you're now fuming with anger because he was acting normal, even though he could sense that you're grumpy because of him.
"(y/n), can you tell me the details about this man?"
"hisnameiscalledfujowararukawaandhe'salready78yearsoldhedoesn'tlivewithhisfamily becausehisdaughterhateshimandhe'sgoingtodieafter10minutesduetoheartattack." you simply told him in one go, without rephrasing your sentences. you pouted your lips and stared at him angrily, you're still waiting for him to pat your head, or giving you his awkward smile as an apology, but that doesn't seem to be the case. you watched the man sink slowly into the bed, his breathing becoming slower and slower and his hands were clutching on his shirt tightly, struggling to breathe. and then, you glanced over to akaashi. he was fiddling his fingers again, he slowly went towards him and put his hand on his forehead, his lips slightly quivered when he saw the man tears streaming from his deep blue eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing down his throat. akaashi turned away and took a deep breath, he dug his fingers into his soft hands, trying to regain his composure. you couldn't help but worried about him, you nudged his arm with your elbow, he sighed while staring on the ground, not bothered to look at you.
"he's an old friend of mine," he spoke softly.
you didn't quite catch up with his words, and you're confused, too.
"i don't understand, akaashi. this old man is your friend?"
"he was already in his second life." akaashi sat on the chair, he brushed his hair back from his forehead, fingers shaking. "we're friends during the tokugawa period (aka edo period, 1603-1867. the final period of the traditional japan). both of our parents were farmers, and he will always ask me to play with him every day. we went to our secret hiding place behind our houses to build sandcastles and threw pebbles on the tree, we enjoyed talking to each other - and we talked about a lot of things. when i was 13, he was forced to move out with his parents. we made a promise to each other, and i thought our friendship will last forever."
you nodded, not knowing how to respond. "so...you have the ability to see their past memories?"
"y-yes...by touching their foreheads..." you blinked a little and waited for him to continue his story.
"we passed through, every spring. and you know what children are, always swearing internal friendship, then quite forgetting one another when the season has passed. he did not even know me when he came back to my hometown. he is so changed. and both of us were already 19 years old at that time."
you wanted to ask akaashi a lot of things, but your mouth was screwed shut. you didn't want him to think about his tragic past memories, but you're curious about his real identity. you shifted yourself closer and stood beside him, and there was this very one question that you've been dying to ask him a few years ago, but you didn't get the chance to ask him properly. you're contemplating whether you should ask this question or not, and you wouldn't give yourself too much expectation of him answering you since it was too personal.
"akaashi, why do you end up becoming a grim reaper? only people who committed sins are forced to...you know...i mean! we don't have a choice, right? kaito - sama said people who committed sins need to become a grim reaper!" you waved your hands nervously, and you regretted asking akaashi. you're ashamed at your insensitivity towards him. akaashi was looking at the old man, watching him took his last breath as he rolled his eyes back, he stood up and walked towards him as he avoided eye contact with you.
"...i killed my sister, and i ended up becoming a grim reaper for 300 years."
───
one of the guards leads the old man to the judgment hall, as you and akaashi went to a small garden beside the south gate, sitting on the bench while looking over the pond. fish were jumping above the large waves, which splashed on the shore. lily pads were swaying in and out of the waves, smaller frogs were jumping from pad to pad, playing as laughter filled the entire pond. you were always amazed by the beautiful flowers growing on the side of the pond, and you've never seen such unique colours before. their petals were surrounded by little blue diamonds, and the people in the afterlife told you that butterflies were reincarnated into those little gems, which you didn't understand why.
"butterflies are meant to shine, (y/n)." akaashi sat beside you, closing his eyes while responding to your question.
"stop reading my mind, akaashi," you stated coldly, clearly still annoyed that he didn't apologize to you. he was extremely quiet, it seems like there were other things occupied in his mind. was it your fault today? asking him in such a casual manner, you felt guilty for not being considerate of his feelings. you sighed again, you cleared your throat as you looked at him, you thought it was better for you to confront him face to face. you took a deep breath, opened your mouth but the words didn't want to come out. your heart was beating fast and it was odd - you weren't afraid of him, but this feeling made you so anxious.
"...today is my last mission with you, (y/n)."
it hit you hard. if you're to describe your feelings right now - sadness, anger and frustration mixed into one. you clenched your fist, your tears fall uncontrollably. you hated akaashi for not telling you, you hated him for being so selfish - he should've told you earlier, and you could spend time together with him as much as you can, it was hard to accept the fact that he was going to leave you, akaashi was there since the beginning of your death. 15 years of him taking care of you, 15 years of him staying by your side when you're depressed, 15 years of him doing a lot of things to you, to make you feel safe and comfortable around him.
"i'm sorry...i...i- please listen to me, (y/n)." he grabbed your hands and asked you to look at him. "after all these years, kaito-sama has finally given me a chance to reincarnate... i've been wanting to tell you since last week, but when i looked into your eyes, i felt guilty. it- it was hard for me too, it's been bothering me for months. (y/n)...i-"
he cried.
akaashi was crying.
when he cried, there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound. he hugged you tightly, the sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions he would break down entirely. as much as akaashi tried to hold it in, his tears falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. you hugged him back as your hands clutching on his black cloak, as you too, couldn't stop holding back your tears. you wanted akaashi to be happy, you wanted him to live a normal life again, it was true that you're still frustrated about him not telling you in the first place but, nothing matters now. akaashi wiped off his tears and pushed you away gently, his hand rubbed the bruise on your right earlobe and smiled; "sorry, (y/n)..."
"i-it's okay..." you hiccuped through your sobs.
"i've never pulled anyone before, except for my sister when she's naughty." akaashi bit his lips, tears threatening to fall. you nodded, his eyes not leaving you. "(y/n), i'm so sorry..."
"it's okay, akaashi...it's not a big deal...even though i was angry with you just now, i-"
"it-it's not fine..." he gripped your shoulders, his whole body was trembling when facing you. your face softened as you tried to draw circles across his back with your fingertips. "(y/n)... i said...i've never pulled anyone before, except for my sister..." akaashi repeated, closing his eyes as his salty drops fall from his chin, drenching your cloak. "akaashi, i know..."
"you don't understand! (y/n)! you are actually my sister!" he shouted as you flinched slightly. at this moment, you couldn't process anything that was happening around you. you didn't know what to think or how to think about akaashi. he was lying, right? those tears were rolling down your cheeks, the world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. he looked past your memories, he knew everything about you when he first met you in your room, touching your forehead and soon connecting the dots between you and him; and now this guy - who was crying and sobbing, was your brother.
why? you didn't want to believe him, but akaashi was the only one who knew your past, and you're so confused, you have no memories at all and you couldn't just simply hate him.
but he killed you.
he told you that he killed his sister, which was you... he kept apologizing to you, his nose grew very red at the tip. "i'm-i'm sorry... you are my sister...i don't have a choice really... those armies came to our town, trying to enslave all the girls... you're so scared, you hid under the table and kept screaming my name... i didn't want you to suffer, (y/n)! they're nasty and dangerous, i can't fight back. so...maybe i was thinking, it's better for you to die instead of being captured by them." akaashi's body was wracked with great sobs and he shook like a leaf. you scooted closer and pulled him into a tight hug, your eyes were burning and your chest felt heavy as if it were filled with lead. you smoothed your chaotic hair and wiped the tears from your cheeks which were now blotchy and mottled.
"i don't hate you, akaashi," you reassured him, his crying starting to subside but you could still hear his sniffles, you patted his back as both of you went silent for a moment. you're still in a trance - and it was hard for you to digest every single thing that he had said to you. you couldn't recall your past memories, and it was unfair to akaashi, too. he was trying to protect you from danger, and - even though killing you was not an option, but it was already over. it pains you when you saw akaashi crying to you, completely vulnerable. akaashi was always calm and thoughtful, he wasn't the type to break down so easily...
as much as you wanted to stay like this for a while, but it was time for him to go.
"hey...(y/n). thank you for everything." he slowly stood up, smiling at you. "don't cry, (y/n). i'm trying my best here...please smile for me. take care of yourself, okay? be strong, try to depend on yourself instead of others. if you're feeling lonely, you can always go to other grim reapers, make some new friends and it will make your life less boring. don't be afraid, i'm here for you, always." he pointed his own chest as tears were streaming down his already wet cheeks. he quickly wiped off his tears and you - your eyes now filling tears with glistening in the light, bouncing sadness through the atmosphere.
the pain you carry in your chest was inexplicable. seeing him walk away from you hurts you a lot. even though you wanted to hold him and keep him by your side for a long time, it seems like it wasn't going to happen. you didn't expect him to leave you someday.
"i will never forget the moments that you laughed with me, helped me...i don't regret any of those memories. thank you for everything...once again, i hope you found your happiness," you told him.
he walked towards you and kissed your forehead, "goodbye, mochi chan."
───
2009, March 29.
another 14 years had passed.
it took three years to accept the fact that akaashi had left you, and up until now, you're still thinking about him sometimes. you hoped that he was doing well in his life, as much as you wanted to see him again, it was hard for both of you to meet each other now. he was not going to remember you, and his looks might change...maybe a totally different person, who knows? you sighed as you put the name list on the table, kaito-sama didn't assign any mission to you today. you stood up and stretched your body, letting out a yawn.
"yo, (y/n) chan !!"
you immediately rolled your eyes.
hachiro kazumi, assistant of kaito - sama. you had no idea what he was doing honestly, you only knew that he was good at writing reports and flirting with other grim reapers, especially guys. ever since akaashi had left, kazumi had become your temporary partner. god, this fox boy was annoying, he never stopped asking you silly questions and he was excited every time when he got a chance to go on a mission with you. and also, you didn't understand why he could look into his mirror all day, praising himself over and over again, and also gave himself a nickname called "the charming fox boy". you closed your eyes when he pulled you into a tight embrace, his tail wagging around as he squished his cheeks against yours.
"uh-ow...kazumi, that hurts..." he laughed as he pushed you away gently. "kaito-sama wants to see you right now!" you nodded as you tugged your hair behind, ready to go to the palace. but kazumi was still standing there, his head tilted to the side as his yellow eyes were staring at you, as you've forgotten to do something right before you go to the palace. you scratched the back of your neck and sighed, "right, i knew it." you walked to him and patted his head, rubbing his ears as he purred in satisfaction.
"alright ! let's go, (y/n) chan!"
kaito-sama was already standing there waiting for your arrival. you bowed to him as both of you proceeded to the room with kazumi followed behind. he closed the door as he asked you to sit on the silver chair, kazumi rummaged through the shelves and took out a few documents and placed it on the table. kaito-sama nodded slightly, he read through the yellow papers and gave it to you, as you're eyeing on them curiously. "i have a mission for you, (y/n)." kaito - sama clasped his hands together on the table, your eyes widened in disbelief when you've read through the last paper.
"kai-kaito - sama...eh...uhm...i don't understand..." you put the documents aside, blinking your eyes, utterly confused. you need an explanation from him, why did he assign such a mission for you? kazumi smirked at you, he wanted to say something but was interrupted by his superior. "after several discussions, we're giving a special task for you, instead of guiding the dead to the afterlife, you can spend your time in the real world to complete your mission, isn't that nice?" he smiled as he gave you papers to sign your contract. you hesitated, it was new to you, as much as you didn't want to disobey his orders, you thought it was quite ridiculous for you to take care of a boy for 4 years.
"kaito-sama, why do i need to babysit a boy for 4 years? plus, i'm dead. i won't be able to go to his world and follow him all the time, right? and the documents - it stated that i will be living with the hayato family, they got married but they didn't have any children since then. t-this doesn't even make sense? i'm dead, kaito-sama, i don't understand...why do i need to be friends with him?"
he sighed, scratching his cheeks as he tried to think of a better explanation, to make it convincing to you. "anyway, we are able to change your "parent's" memories. you will become their temporary daughter for 4 years. and also, don't question anything, (y/n). it's for your own good, you got to reincarnate once he's officially 18 years old. you will be going to the same school as him, and when the time you got into the real world, your body will start to shrink - as you know, this boy is only 15 years old, and your physique will be the same age as him, too."
"we can make you alive again, (y/n). only for 4 years."
you rubbed your temples and took a deep breath. kaito-sama didn't exactly answer your question, and you couldn't just disobey his commands. you didn't care about your reincarnation, though. you were just feeling very, very exhausted when you knew you're going to classes all over again. you took a piece of paper and wrote several things about his background, and also the details of the hayato family as well. you put it inside your pocket and signed the contract unwillingly, you tried to stay positive and cheery as possible, you didn't want yourself to be depressed for the next 4 years.
documents ; details of iwaizumi hajime and the hayato family.
kaito - sama smiled at you, "(y/n), as i said, it's for your-"
"yeah, yeah. it's for my own good."
"cheer up, babe! kaito-sama give you a chance to reincarnate! you just need to finish this mission, (y/n)!" kazumi pulled a chair and sat beside you, playing with your hair.
you groaned and looked up to him, "i'm not a guardian angel...you know? i'm a grim reaper."
they lead you into a darker room, which kazumi brought a few spellbooks and gave it to kaito- sama. the spellbooks were from the previous ruler, they guarded them like precious gems. kazumi prepared the circle. the candles glowed and the prepared purification materials were readied. kaito-sama asked you to step into a circle centre, as he took the spellbook and his hands ran over the words of the spell. the light rose up from the ground and circled your body. your body vibrated, your skin turned to silver as the light shot through your body. your head started to get dizzy, you felt yourself drifting further and further and you could hear kazumi yelling at you, but you couldn't hear anything from him.
suddenly, you woke up in an unfamiliar room.
the room was purple with beautiful murals on the wall, hand painted by someone else. there were a few books and papers on the table, and there were dry baby breaths beside you which you didn't know why, but it smells good, though. the vanilla scent lingered around your room, it made you sleepy but you forced yourself to crawl out of your bed. the paper that you've written the details on was on the table, you quickly put it inside your drawer before your so-called parents looked at it. your room was so different compared to your own room many years ago, you're happy when you see a few stuffed toys on the shelves. you hoped that the hayato family was not abusive, as you're nervous and excited at the same time.
you went to your bathroom and looked at the mirror, your face was slightly rounder and chubbier compared to your true form. other than that, nothing changed much. you didn't have much acne on your face, though. you're quite satisfied with your new room and your looks, you smiled as you went out of your room.
"(y/n) chan!! (y/n) chan!!" your heard footsteps approaching you and when you turned around, you saw a woman with black hair grinning at you happily as she grabbed your wrist and led you to the kitchen. your hands started to get sweaty due to your past events - she wasn't going to beat the hell out of you, right? "tada!" she took out the butter cake from the oven and placed it in front of you. "isn't it lovely! we are going to bring this to our new neighbour, what do you think? (y/n)?" her eyes beamed with excitement, sniffing the scent of the butter cake and let out a hummed of satisfaction.
"e-eh... uhm...yes? it-it looks tasty!" you replied, your heart was still beating fast.
"why are you so tense?! my daughter? here," she then kissed your forehead and ruffled your hair, "are you feeling better?"
"...i feel loved." you thought of yourself, you never experienced this kind of thing before, except for akaashi; kissing on your forehead before he left.
"yeah." you smiled, giving a peck on her cheeks. she smiled widely, asking you to follow her to bring this butter cake to your next neighbour, which you're happy to oblige. you felt safe when you're with her, you could tell that your "mother" was an optimistic person. you looked around the living room, you didn't see your dad in your house. "where's dad?" you asked. your mom wore her flip flops and turned around and looked at you, "ah, your dad will be coming home tonight! don't you remember? we are going to celebrate his birthday!"
"ah-ah yes! sorry, i forgot." you smiled sheepishly.
you knocked on the door twice and waited for their response, your mom was holding on the aluminium tray as she whistled softly to you. you could hear footsteps and then the door was swung open, revealing a small, brown-haired woman smiling at us. "i'm sorry, i was washing the dishes!" your mom shook her head, telling her not to worry about it.
" i brought you some homemade cake! hope you will like it!" she told her.
"oh my...i did not expect this! p-please, come in! make yourself at home!" she waved her hands frantically as she quickly took the cake from your mom, leading you guys to the living room. once she put the cake on the table, the woman turned around and asked you, "hi, sweetie! how old are you?"
"ah! i'm 15 years old." you told her, you cringed slightly due to the childishness in your voice.
"oh really? i have a son of your age," she replied enthusiastically as she helped your mom to take out the plates and put it on the dining table. you nodded and sat on the blue sofa nervously, you started to fiddle your fingers as your eyes started to dart around. this is the first day of your mission, and you still need to endure for 4 years. you closed your eyes, trying to calm down your emotions, a part of you wanted to stay with the hayato family forever, but another part of you wanted to abandon this mission and went back to the afterlife, completing easy tasks instead of befriending with a guy in the real world.
"hajime! come down now and serve our guests, please!"
"coming..." you saw him walking down the stairs and yawned loudly, he rubbed his tired eyes as he went to the kitchen, drinking a glass of water before he proceeded to the living room. when he saw you, his face turned red as he quickly poured a glass of orange juice and gave it to you, you laughed at his reactions before you took the glass from him. "i-i'm sorry! i just woke up from my nap, so my vision was quite blurry..." he rubbed the back of his neck.
"o-oh, it's fine!" you tried to hold back your laughter, as you quickly drank your orange juice. he sat beside you, and you could tell he was trying his best to find something to talk to you. "i'm not good at conversations, so i'm sorry if i weirded you out."
"not at all! don't worry about it."
"uhm...what's your name?"
"my name is (y/n) hayato. your name is iwaizumi hajime, right?"
oh shit.
you mentally facepalmed yourself, why did you say something like this? you just blurted out his name, iwaizumi will probably think that you're a stalker, his eyes widened as he questioned, "how do you know my name?"
"i got your name from the afterlife and my boss asks me to take care of you-"
"oh, your mom told me your name!" you winked at him, as you quickly took a sip of your orange juice and faced him again. he nodded slightly, and he asked, "you are the same age as me right?" you replied with a nod as he continued, "which high school are you going to? i'm going to aoba johsai, though. my friend forced me to go with him." he sighed, as he rubbed his left cheek. "just think about him makes me want to - ugh never mind."
both of your mothers shouted from the kitchen, asking both of you to take the cookie jar and placed it on the dining table.
"i'm going to aoba johsai too! wanna walk together to school everyday?"
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