physical therapy referral expired so i have to renew that and then actually call this time AND the medical bill website is declining my insurance payment card so i might have to pay out of pocket for my uti visit which im already late on anyway AND i dont think my insurance covers the nice dentist i wanna switch to bc i havent been to my old one in over a year AND i still have to make that sleep study appointment to see if i have sleep apnea bc that's on the table apparently AND i didn't fill out my ballot in time but it was just the fucking fire commissioner running uncontested so i guess it doesn't matter anyway AND the joann coupon i got in the mail expired last week bc i just let it sit in a pile with all this other mail for like a month

e.e

july!

it’s been 4 days since i’ve been back to nyc - it’s always such an adjustment whenever i go home to LA and whenever i come back home to nyc. in LA, i have to get used to my family and friends again. i’m treated like a guest at home and my grandma and dad are supposedly on better behavior when i’m at home. i feel like it’s hard to get close to friends because my stay is only temporary and it would hurt to get too attached again. basically, the tables flipped and now that i’m doing an in person relationship with matt, i’m doing an LDR with family and friends. life at home is really easy, i can drive out whenever at any time of the day. i have normal work hours. i have friends and family all around me. i don’t have to do any of the cooking or housechores haha. it’s just overall fun and relaxing (at the expense of me feeling child-like and being overly pampered). 

life out in nyc is rougher - it’s lonelier, a lot more work, and my time alone forces me to dwell on things that aren’t good for my mental health. i’m trying to steer this alone time into a positive direction, to continue working on and accomplish the goals i set out for myself. matt and i had a huge fight hours before my flight to nyc. we were apart for 3 weeks, and he was miserable by himself. i was doing great at home with my family. i feel like he was put under a lot of pressure (per usual in residency) and after the incident with his mom (having to choose sides between me and his mom) which resulted in a lot of tantrums on his part. he’s spent his entire life trying to please her and become a son she can be proud of, so i’m also feeling pressure to live up to her ideal expectations of me. as much as i try to understand where they are coming from and respect their culture, it also makes me feel sick. it could be my generational and western thinking, but what’s the point of saving face and holding a certain social status if you’re miserable? we’re in america and times are changing. 

matt discusses how he wants to have a trip with me and his parents to paris in the fall. half of it is sweet because he perceives me as being part of the family, but i find that i now kinda dislike his mom and i’m not into the idea of being stuck on a trip with her again. after spending time with his family, i learned that all of matt’s bad traits actually come from his mom. and in her, the traits are amplified like 10x. his dad is pretty laid back and cooperative, so i enjoyed his company. but his mom can be scary and reminds me of my emotionally immature former boss. it was fine when we spent a few hours at a time together, or a day together. but the 5 days of 24/7 together was way too much. i know i’m very sensitive and not good at dealing with “difficult” people. i guess this is the part where i should learn to grow a thicker skin and maybe not give up so quickly. 

H A W A I I  R E C A P

matt was coming off two weeks of night shifts right before our flight back home. so basically, he came home at 7am after a 12 hr shift, slept for 3-4 hours and then woke up to do last min packing and leave for our walgreens covid testing. we took a lyft and kindly asked that the driver take us through the drive thru covid testing site before driving us to the airport. the process of getting covid tested (by a hawaiian authorized testing facility) and having results by a certain time, while catching flights in between was quite stressful. walgreens was the only place that offered rapid testing. there was one rapid location really close to JFK; the closest rapid test to LA is 4 hours away. i’m so happy that this process was seamless. we got our negative results a couple hours later. we flew home on june 1. had kbbq lunch with his family on june 2 and cambodian/vietnamese dinner with my family on the same day. we flew out to maui june 3 evening. keep in mind i was working through everything lol, as i only took 2 days off for my trip (in hawaii). 

we arrived to maui thursday night. on friday, we went to a fancy but very touristy breakfast spot, did a 4 mile hike, and then went to a luau in the evening. all the luaus were marked up because of covid. the last two luaus i went to were about $80 and brought via groupon. this luau ($~130) was by far the nicest one i’ve gone too. the food was actually very impressive. on saturday, we went on a half day snorkeling cruise. i found it funny that the guy’s announcement revolved about etiquette on the boat and our itinerary, but like nothing regarding the actual snorkeling safety because it was kinda expected you knew how to swim/snorkel. i ended up snorkeling with a noodle and board. at the first stop, we saw some fishes, but they were quite deep. in the second stop, we got to swim next to turtles - it felt like finding nemo! 

on sunday, we went to road to hana. by this day, we both were pretty tired, but matt was reallyyy tired. it’s a combination of having just worked night shifts/residency hours without proper rest time plus being fat. road to hana is nicknamed the divorce highway because the stress in driving through it has caused arguments among many couples. what i learned is that when he’s tired/stressed (even on vacation), fights will ensue. he’ll be snappy and i’ll get offended, and then he’ll apologize but i’ll hold a grudge, then he’ll get pissed and i’ll apologize. road to hana was really beautiful. i was disappointed because i was so looking forward to visiting the black sand beach, but didn’t know a reservation was needed to enter :( bad planning on my part. we were staying at a coastal resort, but our hotel was facing the mountain for the first 3 nights. matt asked the receptionist every day if there was an ocean view room available. we finally lucked out on this day and transferred to an ocean view room for our last night. 

on monday, we woke up to an ocean view and just spent time at the hotel enjoying the scenery. later on, we went to the haleakala national park and got to be one with the clouds! we talked about how this trip basically tested our bodies in every way. first was the 4 mile hike, rated difficult. second was the snorkeling, getting past the fear of water and also dealing with some motion sickness. we both started feeling motion sickness on the boat after returning from the first snorkeling location. third was driving through the crazy road to hana. it has 620 curves and 46 one lane bridges. matt drove us in, and i drove us out so we both got to experience it. i must say - i’m a better driver under stress xD. LA driving prepared me well. lastly, the heleakala summit was at 10k feet above sea level. it was super windy up there and our body was dealing with the elevation/pressure differences. 

i’m relearning that with traveling - it’s fun up until the itinerary gets too packed and consequently too tiring. same with eating. eating good food is great, up until you realize you over-ordered and then eating becomes a chore. between matt and i, we are relearning what each others limits are again. before residency, he had so much more energy during traveling. now his dream would just to be to lounge next to the beach (in his private room) and not have to do or think of anything. my daily life is not tiring so i have energy to expend when traveling. we are working on not over-ordering, so that we do not overeat and we do not overspend.