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voidsentprinces · 3 months

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My Roommate: Alright so she's a cow girl. And has massive tits. But outside of the ears and the tail it seems like she just has the same exact anatomy as a human. Therefore, she would only produce and lactate her milk when pregante~ and at no other time. Me: You are put WAY more thought into this than anyone who is actually into cow girls. And I mean, your reasoning IS solid. But...REMINDER: Horny don't care. Horny only want. My Roommate: Even if it makes no sense? Me: Horny isn't about making sense. If you want sense wait for Post-Nut Clarity. My Roommate: Post-Nut Clarity is just the M. Night or Christopher Nolan twist happening in real time. Me: Post-Nut Clarity is a self-imposed Mother Guilt Trip. My Roommate: Post-Nut Clarity sounds like a medical side effect of a drug. Me: Is your life boring? Unfilled? And lacking naked men? Ask your doctor about Final Fantasy XIV. Final Fantasy XIV can aid you in your normal life by giving you depression, attachment to fictional characters who will either die or being ignored for the rest of the story, and endlessly lost of hours. Just ask some of its users... My Roommate: In life, I was just a poor ol spinster who failed to get married by the ripe ol ages of 15. My family locked me in the corner room house of an abandoned shack between the butchers and the gaol house. But then my fellow gossiper, Abigail, suggested to me Final Fantasy XIV. Now I am a muscle mommy who throttles gods and breaks the Church over her knee. Me: Try Final Fantasy XIV today! Warning! Final Fantasy XIV is not for everyone. Please consult your friend group before joining the free trial that now has expanded to include Stormblood expansion and up to level 70 of unrestricted game time. Side effects might include; nausea, eye blinding, uncontrollable sobbing, high blood pressure, low mortgage, leaky roof, vomiting, hysteria, post-nut clarity, loss of money on store emotes, mounts, and outfits, and hyperfocusing on genocidally incline men who are SO WRONG but feel SO RIGHT. Final Fantasy XIV should be used by women who are pregante~ or who could become pregante~ So what the fuck are you waiting for, try Final Fantasy XIV for Post-Nut Clarity today. My Roommate: Also the Admiral is in it. Me: Disclaimer! Hythlodaeus, Zero and Merlwyb are in Final Fantasy XIV and an additional side effect might be gender envy.

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selnyam · 1 year

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[I'm sorry!? I've been entered into what!?] She signed, completely caught off guard by the courier who simply shrugged and walked off. The letter in her hand didn't have a ton of information but all the information about her was correct. "CONGRATULATIONS FLIDAIS OAKCLAMBER! Your submission to the @woltourney has been accepted! included is a list of some of your competitors! Best of luck in this contest!!"

she scanned the list, recognizing some of her friends names and many she didn't know. If her vocal cords still worked she might have screamed in panic. All these interesting and impressive people?? she was just a lop eared researcher! Sure she'd done some things others would consider impressive, but her failures and mistakes surely outnumbered those!

although... if it meant she got to meet more cute girls and enby's... She smiled until she saw near the bottom... a reference to one of her most embarrassing moments... when the fact that her and Merlwyb were hooking up was still a secret and she'd, while very tired, called the Admiral 'Mommy' during a meeting... (just a little thing for how she'd react to the news!)

(also enjoy some more pics of her!)

#woltourney #flidais oakclamber #my wol #she's a gay disaster #i love her

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cherry-blossomtea · 2 years

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Masterpost of what I think about you based on who you simp for in FFXIV I’m going to try and include as many characters I’ve vibe checked as possible but if yours isn’t here comment them and I’ll give you a custom roast for free. If I forgot someone, please refrain from saying “How could you forget x” I have three different memory disorders okay I did my best 😭

The Scions

Minfilia-You think a woman’s tits can redeem anything bad about her and you’re right.

Lyse-You’re a lesbian with a hard-on for destroying capitalism to the point where your friends ask you to maybe tone it down a little

Papalymo-Ur into dads. Not dilfs. Just dads.

Thancred-You like your men ROGUEISH and BLOODIED and BEATEN and BABYGIRLED

Urianger-You have autism or you are currently in an irl relationship with someone who has autism. Thank you for your service

Y’Shtola-okay little sun. (You enjoy being verbally degraded, so this is for you, a compliment)

Tataru-I love you. You want someone who can cook for you and tease you and who in turn you will shower with affection which is the only currency you have to offer

Estinien-I’m gonna be honest the only thing I can offer here is that you like brooding men who are idiots. Don’t go for a joint bank account.

G’raha-If you like GRAHA then you desire strongly a partner you can cuddle like a stuffed animal if you like THE EXARCH then you are a bottom and you like the dark academia aesthetic

Krile-You need a partner that will fill the emotional void left by your mommy issues

Moenbryda-You have autism but you kin urianger instead of crushing on him. Or ur just really into chicks who can crush you with their thighs and you’re mad that people turned it into a meme

ARR

Kan-E-Senna-I don’t believe you. You’ll have to defend yourself to me in a trial by combat

Merlwyb-Your perfect first date is dying side by side with the person you love as you fight for your lives but you’ll probably end up getting a coffee or something

Nanamo-you are SO into the princess and knight aesthetic thing, you LOVE fairytales so much.

Raubahn-You like men with an “I can fix him” flair but who have already been fixed. You’re also touch starved

Lahabrea-The line between annoyance and attraction is a tightrope you walk every day but by god you’re walking it

Cid-GOD you love himbos it’s not even a “haha I love stupid men” thing to you it’s a REQUIREMENT, the men you date need a HIMBO RESUME

Gaius-Your devotion is impressive. No one can tell you what to do with your life. I think you’re a Jane Austen protagonist.

Nero-SCRUNGLY SKRUNKLY MAN HAG BLORBO HEHEHHEHE EVIL SCIENCE

Heavensward

Haurchefant-I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Why don’t you wrap yourself in a blanket and pretend like he’s the one holding you.

Aymeric-Objectively the most stable main character in this godforsaken game, you take your husband material seriously.

Lucia-You’re a lesbian who mains warrior, I shan’t elaborate

Edmont-pathological dilf/gilf enjoyer to the point where you need help and/or jesus

Artoirel-your dream is to become one half of the most powerful power couple to ever power

Emmanellain-You’re gay in a hipster filter flower crowns cavetown kind of way

Ysayle- You were chronically disappointed by stormblood. You say everyone is out of your league but chin up champ, ysayle wanted to fuck a dragon and probably did so you can’t be that bad

Hraesvelgr- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Igeyorhm-What does it matter if a female character is developed, you are horny in the here and now and that’s more important. You probably think femdom is hot too 👀

Stormblood (god help me)

To preface-if any character from stormblood is your simp of choice you automatically get a sticker that says WEEB slapped on your forehead.

Yugiri-I feel like you listen to metal and keep neat pets like tarantulas or snakes. I cannot explain why.

Gosetsu-For want of a proper bushido character you settled on him but then when the Tsuyu plotline happened you genuinely fell in love with him. Kind of a DILF, reblog.

Hien-himbo connoisseur. You own a sword.

Sadu-WOMEN. BIG FAN OF W O M E N. That’s your only personality trait rn but that’s okay, life’s hard.

Zenos-you are a godless degenerate who is unironically into BDSM (it’s okay me too)

Yotsuyu- You know she’s a femme fatale. You know there’s no way that’s going to end well. But you are so allured by her viciousness and tragic backstory what does it matter that you’ll end up dead on the floor. “I can fix her” yeah keep telling yourself that bud.

Fordola-you are genuinely one of the sweetest people in the world and I think you COULD fix her actually.

Asahi-Liar, you’re a fandaniel simp

Shadowbringers

Lyna-you believe drinking your respect women juice is not only an obligation but an honor and you still avert your eyes from the Victoria’s Secret posters in the mall

Kai-Shirr-HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Runar- I feel like I can’t even call you a furry in bad faith. You just love nice men that much. Who cares if he’s a lion.

Feo Ul-Trans. You definitely have an au where the WoL took them up on their offer to become King Titania.

Ran’jit-I…don’t believe you? You’ll have to explain to me why you like him

Ardbert-So soft. So nice. Hnnnn oh yeah we were talking about you. You’re not a himbo enjoyer because you do prefer men who have some brain cells but you DO like em sad and you DO like em muscley

Emet-Selch- He is the character who in the entire game the story tries its hardest to make us simp for. It worked. The only thing I can do is quote another video on this same subject: You are DISEASED.

Elidibus-Someone hits u with the 🥺 and you melt like butter. Your favorite activity is peace and quiet.

Endwalker

Fandaniel-You self-identify as a goblin. You were a theatre kid. You love that he’s sad and insane but you don’t want to fix him. That would ruin the appeal.

Ameliance-“Bro I said I wanted to fuck Ameliance as a joke but bro….I don’t think it’s a joke anymore”

Nidhana-You’re correct. About everything. You’ve never been wrong. You own booty shorts that say “I love women in STEM” on the ass

Vrtra- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Jullus-for you, enemies to lovers isn’t just a trope, it’s a lifestyle

Venat-📸 hmm? Oh sorry that was just me taking a picture of you admitting you desperately crave someone to take care of you. Mommy issues. NEXT!

Hermes-you adamantly differentiate between Hermes and Fandaniel, but at what point must the line be drawn for your “I can fix him” complex to kick in hmm??

Hythlodaeus-You have a praise kink. (You also should come be my friend. We can simp for him together ☺️)

#ffxiv #FFXIV spoilers #I don’t know why I feel so compelled to make these kinds of posts #I think they’re funny I guess

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minarcana · 1 year

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because i feel like it: laurel and what she thinks of various canon NPCs as they enter my mind/if she thinks of them often.

reminder: if your muse is one of the ones listed, absolutely no feelings need to be mutual! i can write 'she is over the fuckin moon about this person' and if u write em u can be like 'and they think she sucks and is the wooooorst', thats fine. she's stubborn lol. npcs included up to [ 4.0 ] i will add more as i decide to think of them. these are just who popped to mind.

zenos: she wants to drink deep of his blood. she wants to hunt and kill him. their souls are made of similar stuff (insult), except laurel knows how to love. she is highkey obsessed with him whenever the opportunity to fight and/or hunt him for sport arises.

any heavens ward knight: she hates you personally. she has issues with sneering authority and religious restrictions.

midgardsormr, gosetsu, edmont fortemps, eynzahr slafyrsyn: you're her dad boogie woogie you're her dad!

cid, nero: she is obsessed with studying cid and nero as if they're weird bugs. she wants to present them with stimuli and take notes of their reactions. she calls both of them her dad, but will sometimes just choose to cause strife between or around on purpose to see what they do. she wants to put nero in a lab rat maze.

haurchefant: she is in love with him and would do literally anything he asks. it does not matter if he likes her back or even if he didnt know her name. he was nice to her when she needed it, she will now Die For Him. unfortunately he died first.

yshtola: laurel wants to take shtola out drinking for a girls night. she respects yshtola greatly and thinks shes neat, and actually treats shtola with audible respect instead of fucking with her at opportunity.

lyse, alisaie: thats her fuckening sisters laurel has decided they are Her Friend now and is absorbing both of them into laurel's self-decided family unit.

alphinaud: she is less good with alphie as she is with alisae because she's just "...what's with your attitude? you're like, twelve." but she still follows along with his nonsense and only occasionally gives him noogies.

thancred: their relationship is best described with laurel: youre my babygirl thancred: what the fuck does that mean laurel, nodding: babygirl. i will protect u thancred: .....hm. anyways she thinks hes neat and cute and wants to wrestle him as a friend.

merlwyb: laurel knows she did crimes but also admiral mommy please notice me admiral did i do a good job admiral will you say i did good please notice m admiral are y---

#headcanon : laurel

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abra-ka-dammit · 1 year

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oh! this merlwyb character growth arc

im so happy mommy is learning to take responsibility and play nice with the furries

#stupid shit

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morningstarlucemon · 2 years

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RP Starters And Prompts Based On Stupid Shit Me And My Friends Have Said On Discord Calls (NSFW)

Adapt as needed~

Oh that's great! Encourage children to go out and grab neurotoxin lizards.

Cat-Litter Cooch sounds like a B-list Batman villain...

Biting me in the arm will not fix Japan's declining birthrate, Seven.

You have a very visible butthole.

Empty not thine bowls in the can into with thine brother screams.

Yo dawg can your clitoris run DOOM?

A tooth-brushing amount of mustard.

I want to smash my [redacted] against your [redacted].

Broke: bonding over kinks; woke: coming together.

X, NO THOSE ARE TEH ANAL BEADS!

... and send me your pp.

Thankfully, it was parasites.

Normal brain: fear boner; galaxy brain: dangerection.

Excuse me, sir. Would you like some Pineapple Fuck-Off?

Oh wonderful there's crop tops.

Why does his face look so familiar when he's compressed like that? I feel like I've sold onions to this person at Wal-Mart

I will ass-vore you, I swear to god.

SOULEY WOULEY.

"Ya good?" "NO!" "Oh, good, my work here is done then."

Dipple-fucking-docus.

Forethought, schmorethought.

Cannibalism can't solve all your problems, but it can solve one of them, i guess. Might create some more...

If the thing you're eating can have babies with you, not taking gender into account, then yes, i think it's cannibalism.

Oh no, my Adderall!

Panic! At The Mystery Flesh Pit National Park.

Listen... fuck you. I'm gonna sneak into your house in the middle of the night and place a Kraft cheese single on your forehead.

Broke: agnostic; woke: religion't.

Nidhogg Anal Beads.

What if Fazi Bear was a Pacman Amogus?

3 am A-and-B-got-left-alone-in-vc things.

Develop a Jacobson's Organ, 4head.

X enters: “The great cataclysm, faithfully recreated.” Y, immediately: *sneezes three times.*

Does Hoisier call his dick Hooshel?

Don't use the Tokomon as a fleshlight.

Fish the giant hole.

“ -- before he came out as Ishgardian--”

A: I fucked ur mom, shitlips. B: *just fucking vanishes* A: Oh no.

X takes a sippy.

New Autism just dropped.

Mommy Merlwyb said it's my turn with the strap!

A: *presents a jar to B* Get in. C: What on earth are you all doing?

They’ve gone to the jar.

X: *leaves, then comes back* THE CUM AR IN THE SKY.

Use your inside teeth.

Literally never seen you hop into something faster.

X: *asleep in a designated corner with a sign over it saying “X is asleep”*

Y: *points at X* asleep.

Head day.

Do Harry Potter, Starwars, or Shrek qualify as mythology?

UwUterus.

WHY WOULD YOU PEEL AN AU RA???

Tell your mom to redo you...

Don't sing hymns to my ass.

Lord fart-quad.

Can you re-route the piss tube to your mouth?

A: Speaking of piss, I'll be right back.; B: Oh he's gettin' it STRAIGHT from the tap.

Naughty Elezen get sent to the Praetorium to atone for wolf crimes.

Are you immune to smallpox?

Someone remind me that I am an adult and can eat as many enemas as I want.

Scream all you want, the moogles can't hear you from here.

This truly is the Aurum Vale of conversations.

It's MY Ixion, and I'll objectify him if I WANT to!

So Aymsy-waymsy. ya wanna run the fuckin' country?

They're like jello. -- (about catboys)

X: "It's gonna get loud in here I gotta crinkle" *crinkles* Y: "I expected it to be louder" X: "DID YOU WANT IT TO BE LOUDER" Y: "YES" X: *CRINKLES LOUDER*

And, finally, A and B Slowly Losing Track of Their Singular Collective Braincell at 4AM the album, containing such hits as...

"She wears snorp snirps, I wear sneep snops..."

"UwU ... Sussy Baka, walkin' down the street..."

"Your own... personal... Nitwit..."

and the classic... "Animal crackers in my Ass..."

#rp starters #rp prompts #starters #prompts #funny #stupid shit #discord #me and my friends are all insane

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linelpisffxiv · 1 year

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Likely XIV women for the next poll

Y’shtola: is the poster girl of xiv in FF promo material because the PC is customizable. I wouldn’t call her flat, but she hasn’t had any major revelations since at least the start of XIV. Is… somewhat divisive. Many enjoy her m, her one-liners when people want a dommy mommy, and others think she needs a major character arc and not just focus arcs. Has canonically been propositioned once. She turned him down epically. She also says she’s been propositioned clumsily many times. Also they keep making her lighter because of "lighting issues."

Ysayle: Deserves better. You know the Church sucks cuz they won’t let you fuck dragons meme? That is literally her. An Elezen from the Holy See area who is called a heretic cuz she sides with dragons. Desire to fuck dragons optional for that title. Propositioned a dragon, got turned down and never recovered, which is a shame cuz she and his daughter could have been a cute pair if SE weren’t cowards. Sacrificed herself. Deserves better.

Sadu: You can’t convince me she doesn’t fuck. Is a side character who is well loved for being a hammy gadfly. From a cool tribe of Mongolians with a fun view of reincarnation.

Alisaie: She is 16. Do not use. I am putting her here so people don’t ask if I forgot her. (This also applies to Ryne and Gaia)

Moenbryda: Probably took Urianger’s virginity. Was his childhood friend and an interesting scholar who got shafted because the next patch they needed someone to die and were too chickenshit to sacrifice Minfilia instead.

Minfilia: the leader of the Not-so-secret secret group people are part of for the base game. Does a lot of delegating. I’d call her a mixed bag in the fandom. I know people who love her and people who hate her. Can’t get a read on fuckable scales.

Nidhana: is a giant elephant woman who is an Alchemist in Fantasy south India. Probably fucks. I love her. She is very smart and compassionate.

Lyse: is a very divisive character. More disliked than liked I guess. But I feel it’s more from writing than potential. Unknown sexual history, but I'm leaning towards not a lot, if any. Would probably have a fair amount vote *against* her no matter who her opponent is.

Yotsuyu: I'm not gonna do the funny fucking joke. She was sold into prostitution at a young age, and that colored who she became. She clung to someone who gave her power to get revenge against those that wronged her, and was a very cruel woman who also gets dommy mommy jokes thrown her way that make me uncomfortable. Is very popular for a character of her importance, though I think several could beat her.

Fordola: Very angry at the world. Was part of a colonized people who lost her dad because the others of her people hated that he was a collaborator, and the nearby colonizers did nothing. Joined the army, got experimented on. I like her, but she's not as popular as Yotsuyu.

Merlwyb: The only one of the three original lady City Leaders I'm fully comfortable sharing. Is a pirate, very tall, with a growling voice. Killed her dad. Probably gets all the love she wants because she can step on me.

Venat: I like her. But she has a HUGE hatedom. I'm not sure if she fucked or not, it can go either way cuz she's this bright-eyed woman who's a retired hero, so she either could be laying mad pussy or find all the people throwing themselves at her distracting. Becomes god and splits the planet into 14 parallel universes.

Yugiri: Honestly, I always forget she exists. She's just kinda... there. Is a Ninja. In love with Hien, who I don't think notices her at all.

Lalafells: I feel really ambivalent towards them. They're roughly toddler sized and shaped, though many adult males do have facial hair. And many are known to fuck. Of the ones who would get nominated, Tataru famously is sought after in-game. But I'm leaving this at that, and generally would advise against using them.

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dragons-bones · 7 years

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More Arcanist Headcanons

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER HEADCANON POST ABOUT ARCANISTS. :D I promise it’s not as sad as the last one, though.

(Shout out to @aethericgeometry AKA my arcanima partner in crime.)

The summoning spell for emerald carbuncles is basically the standard factory model supplied by the Arcanist’s Guild

Most arcanists who advance in their studies will (and, in fact, are encouraged to) begin fiddling with the base spell and sigil to change qualities of the summoned carbuncle

Synnove’s carbuncles, for instance, include:

freeform personality matrices;

continuous learning algorithms;

a ratio of mass proportionate to the density of living aether that coalesces around the base gemstone;

extensive texture mapping for velvety soft fur, squishy toebeans, cute lil’ noses, and big expressive eyes;

carefully designed egi subroutines to increase offensive and defensive capabilities with limited interference from the base primal’s personality (with varying successes - Galette’s giggles can skew towards the Garuda-like, and when very angry, Ivar’s appearance programming breaks down and his ears begin to resemble Ifrit’s horns);

the ability to strengthen or dim their inherent aetherial glow (good for stealth or impromptu light sources);

a strongly-worded command to “please obey the laws of physics unless there is a life-or-death emergency, Mommy’s brain already breaks enough with Khebi’s Carby;”

all of which create individual carbuncles that could be considered constantly-evolving artificial intelligences who are also super cuddly

Every carbuncle (and egi, and fairy) is thus wholly unique!

Arcanists’ scientific and mathematical approaches to magic lends well to “translating” other technical fields of study

Maelstrom Command frequently has the guild assess Garlean intelligence relating to magitek designs and breakthroughs

Similarly, the guild is able to acquire research journals out of Garlemald via Radz-at-Han traders (with the general consensus being that Garlean engineers are awful at writing formal research papers)

A good chunk of arcanists are also dedicated engineers and there is some truly whacky and terrifying shit being developed in the depths of the guild hall (well, heights rather than depths - not a good idea to have explosions at the foundation level, after all)

Admiral Merlwyb is debating the merits of formally petitioning Garlond Ironworks to work on a joint project with the Arcanist’s Guild; so far, the cons outweigh the pros

#final fantasy xiv #arcanima #arcanist #oc: synnove greywolfe #synnove's carbuncles

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