#merlin theme parks
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Colossus: "It's already the 22nd of March again...and it's my birthday! I got another beautiful dress to wear in the park this year, and a new crown....how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends."
Unveiling Colossus's Project Sparkle outfit for 2024! I love the celestial direction they've gone with it, and the new entrance blew me away! So happy to see the park get some TLC.
Reblogs greatly appreciated!
#thorpe park human au#thorpe park#human au#humanisation#rollercoaster humanisations#coaster humans#alton towers#askthethorpeparkrides#personified rollercoasters#merlin entertainment#merlin theme parks#id in alt text
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN 👑 🌋 🔥
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THE THE THE THE THE
me when i can literally make human versions OF ANYTHING SLIGHTLY ROLLER COASTER THEMED
"I need this man thrown" - @ask-alton-towers
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I’m translating the whole 33 min long promotional video for gardaland’s oblivion (BY HAND😭😭😭😭)
#HELP AAAAAAAA#my poor fingers#gardaland#alton towers#rollercoaster#roller coaster#oblivion#oblivion: the black hole#oblivion the black hole#alton towers oblivion#oblivion alton towers#merlin parks#theme park
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love my new lanyard dedicated to all things Merlin Entertainments ❤️
#merlin entertainments#thorpe park#chessington world of adventures#alton towers#legoland windsor#theme parks
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Merlin
#Merlin#Squirrel#The Sword in the Stone#Chalk Full of Character#United Kingdom#United Kingdom Pavilion#World Showcase#EPCOT#ArtfulEpcot#Festival of the Arts#International Festival of the Arts#theme park#Disney#Walt Disney World#WDW
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Rode Curse At Alton Manor for the first time this trip, then another 6 times, absolutely brilliant ride 🏚️
#alton towers#altonmanor#curse at alton manor#emily alton#ukthemeparks#theme park#Disney#disneyland#disneyland paris#merlin
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from anon of @nasuversekinkmeme: gudako is trapped in a singularity/lostbelt/situation which can only be escaped by relaxing and taking at least one goddamn break
There it was, written in the sky, in words made from a jet’s smoke: “The Singularity can only be solved when the Master of Chaldea relaxes to the fullest.”
“P.S. There’s no tricks here, Senpai. Just do what is written above, teehee~”
Actually, Mash was in on this. She was to be the guide for Senpai as the Servants organized the facilities with them as its host and even went this far to create a singularity. Normally, she’d be opposed to it…
But Senpai has been running herself ragged to the point where it reminded her of Doctor Roman’s exhaustion. It really hurts seeing her push herself even farther after defeating ORT.
Each minute Singularity spawned, each time she’s got silver and golden apples to spare, she threw herself in simulations and battles to earn them mana and replenishable resources while in the destination.
Even King Hassan and Edmond Dantes (who rose from Senpai’s shadow that one time she was eating in the cafeteria late at night. Mash definitely walked in on them like that.) advised her to rest!
Yet, she just smiled it off.
Senpai’s body collapsing in the middle of a fight was the last straw, with the dark circles under her eyes pushing it.
BB had been the one to tell her that the Operation: Just Fucking Sleep was in the works last week, and she even produced a brochure and a manual for her to memorize. Of course, Mash had been skeptical. But even BB, BB was seriously concerned for Senpai’s well-being.
So here they were, in a large resort complete with a theme park, vast fields of different flowers and forests, several restaurants, other buildings, and they somehow managed to fit the Tokyo Dome too. Overall, it both looked chaotic and organized at the same time.
Mash looked at Ritsuka brightly, who was forced to wear new casual attire mystic codes along with her, “So, Senpai, there’s a map and some VIP passes over there. Shall we see what to enjoy first?”
Ritsuka’s response was to yawn and tap on her communicator, “Hold on a sec, Mash.” And she tapped on her communicator, only to see static. “We’re cut off from Chaldea? The magical energy isn’t that dense though? I think it’s just around 40%-ish”
…It seriously was concerning that Senpai can gauge the mana density alone even without the help of their detectors.
“A-Anyways, Senpai,” Mash held her hand and led her to a small table containing their passes and maps. “Yesterday, I heard you wanted to see a boyband from some of the male Servants? We didn’t get the chance to see them much during that time with Miss Crane after all. And look, Senpai! There’s even hot springs located in the north-east!”
Mash was trying her best.
She really, really was trying to make Ritsuka’s attention go to the more interesting ones, the ones she was sure she wanted to see. Like Mandricardo, Kintoki, Fergus and others forming a band, enjoying the beach without ANYTHING going wrong.
There’s an observatory with Erice and Voyager managing it, and there’s another theater dedicated to plays and classical music, with Mozart, Marie, and Salieri managing it (barely, uh, considering their relationship).
The streets and sights were also built close to Senpai’s hometown with a few modifications from Servants that make it both look different yet the same. Heck, there’s even NPCs to help make it an experience where it’s not completely a ghost town with only them to enjoy it.
There’s even lucky spots to roll gacha on (definitely not blessed with Merlin and Lady Avalon’s magic) to which would ease the pain of losing all the crystals Senpai saved in her phone.
But no. Ritsuka’s gaze was fixated on the top left corner of the map, where a bright-pink and evil looking double ‘B’ was pasted on an ordinary looking building.
Senpai waved her hand and hummed, “Let’s do that later, Mash. Let’s see first what BB really wants from us. Last time she did something like this, we were stuck in a time loop.”
Noooo- that would defeat the purpose of the Singularity!
“Oberon is running a hot dog stand, Senpai.” She blurted out, trying to find a way to loosen Ritsuka up.
But she only laughed and took a swig of her energy drink (where did she get that??? Mash swore that was the brand of energy drink more potent than pure acid) “Pfft- shit, let’s bully him with Castoria later, lol. Let’s see him after we determine our next course of action to get the Grail.”
Mash pouted, “But Senpai, BB already said it in the sky to relax-”
And then she started making her way down the hill they were on, Ritsuka turned her back and grinned, “And don’t worry! I’ve got plenty of apples in store just in case we need to farm some currency again. Also, I saw a shop there that sells eight hundred Proof of Hero and a fuckton of Gems!? There’s a bonus three million QP every item too! Gah, I seriously need it for Ordeal Call!”
…And Senpai, who was used to grinding to the point of making sure her things to exchange were at least in the ten-thousands if the shop has just a few of what they need, and then there’s here, where it’s basically paradise…Mash realized something:
They were never gonna get out of here, huh?
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Fic Rec Friday - Round Up Part 2
Thanks to everyone who participated this week - the theme was: rec a fic starting with the same letter as your name / username. I have a list below, but I only included ones people tagged me in or ones I could find from the #fic rec friday tag. If I've missed any, please let me know!
Please read at your own discretion. Heed tags and ratings on each individual fic. Keep yourself safe, friends!
Also PSA - the rec lists were super long this week so i'm so sorry if i have stuffed up a link or accidentally put someone in the wrong category!
911 Lone Star (part 2) (needed to be split into 2 posts this week!)
Sanctuary by @reyescarlos
Say You’ll Remember Me by @myemergence
Searching For A Trail to Follow Again by @sunshinestrand
Seven Ways Back to You (series) by Lolaland (me)
Slowly Becoming Lovers by @morganaspendragonss
So Many Somethings by @iboatedhere
somebody to you by @reyescarlos
Soon by @rmd-writes
snapshots by @sanjuwrites
still we’re holding on by @rosedavid
sweetest devotion by @reyescarlos
Teardrop on the Fire by @carlos-in-glasses
The Many Names of TK Strand by tabbytabbytabby
The Marriage Tamales by @bellakitse
The Ring In by Lolaland (me) and ifyoustay
the ruins of wonderland by @carlos-in-glasses
The Sex Pollen Incident by @hoko-onchi-writes
The Space in Between by @fortunatelydecaffeinateddinosaur
to live for the hope of it all by @strandnreyes
to which there is no reply by @reyesstrand
Two Hearts gone black and blue by paperstorm
Two paper airplanes flying by @liminalmemories21
Vet Pups and Set Ups by @iboatedhere
View from the Top by @bellakitse
What Family Does by AShortWalkToDelinquency
What You See Will Be by @thevenstar
When I dropped my sword I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door by @liminalmemories21
when I’m like this, you’re the one I want by @thebumblecee
White by @chaotictarlos and paperstorm
Wings Are Frayed by @iboatedhere and @pragmatic-optimist
911
hate to say i spent it all on masquerades by @hattalove
i don’t think that we should have friendly sex, anymore by @capseycartwright
i like you so much (it's kinda gross) by @gayhoediaz
Make it pretty for me. by @snarky-drabbles
Our story's been heartache and wonder by @tails89
The Shift by @popfly
whenever you call me, i'll be there by ipretendtobesane
with every heartbeat I have left by iriswests
Black Sails
i might believe a good deal of it, too by explosiontimothy
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Raspberry Sherbet by theclaravoyant
Repudiate and Disavow by mystery_ink
Check Please!
A Whole Different Kind of Light by @porcupine-girl
As We Run, We Become by @iboatedhere
at certain times by @parvuls
Chris Chow, Matchmaker Extraordinaire by 42hrb
Cromwell Cinematic Universe (series) by @sincerelyreidburke
Crossed Wires by @lecrivaineanonyme
Theatre Building, Dec. 6 by @cricketnationrise
There Have Been Five Kisses by @cricketnationrise
Good Omens
Take My Hand, Take My Whole Life Too by @thebibliosphere
Inception
Wherever You Will Be (That's Where I'll Call Home) [The DomesticVerse] (series) @gyzym
Loki
A can of josta by @jim-jam-gem
Cold, Cold Heart by @amadness2method
Marvel Cinematic Universe
take it or leave it by kellifer_fic
Merlin
in a field of dandelions by @princess-of-the-worlds
It's Not in the Way that You Came Back to Me by nie_narzekam
Parks and Recreation
It's a Strange Paradise by CongressmanNoJaw
#fic rec friday#fic rec friday round up#911 lone star#911#check please#black sails#brooklyn nine nine#merlin#parks and recreation#loki#inception#good omens#marvel cinematic universe
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Round 1 is over, full results below!
Round 2 will start on Monday.
What are your most devastating losses this round?? Mine are Milo Murphy's Law, Gilmore Girls, That 70s Show, and Reba. (No respect around here for a single mom who works too hard who loves her kids and never stops)
Group A
The Addams Family vs. Fairy Tail
Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat vs. Goosebumps
Wizards of Waverly Place (S1-3) vs. Ed, Edd n Eddy
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood vs. Only Murders in the Building
The Backyardigans vs. Downton Abbey
Naruto vs. The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
Dexter's Laboratory vs. Kenan & Kel
Parks and Recreation vs. Jujutsu Kaisen
Danny Phantom vs. Pippi Longstocking/Pippi Långstrump
My Life as a Teenage Robot vs. My Hero Academia
Sabrina the Teenage Witch vs. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (S4-7)
Little Einsteins vs. The Benny Hill Show
Teletubbies vs. Ted Lasso
VeggieTales vs. Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
Lizzie McGuire vs. The Proud Family
Steven Universe (Original Theme) vs. The A-Team
Group B
Doctor Who (New S1-2) vs. Charlie's Angels
Thomas & Friends vs. Bob's Burgers
Community vs. The Brady Bunch
Adventure Time vs. Ever After High
Seinfeld vs. Ranma ½
Batman vs. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Monty Python's Flying Circus vs. One Piece (2023)
Friends vs. Rocko's Modern Life
Sesame Street (S1-23) vs. Saved by the Bell
Total Drama vs. Monk
Full House vs. Winx Club (We Are the Winx)
Looney Tunes vs. Murder, She Wrote
M*A*S*H vs. South Park
Pinky and the Brain vs. Happy Days
One Day at a Time (2017) vs. The Suite Life on Deck
Pokémon (Pokémon Theme) vs. The Andy Griffith Show
Group C
Gravity Falls vs. Milo Murphy's Law
Horrible Histories vs. Leverage
Neon Genesis Evangelion vs. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
The Simpsons vs. Samurai Jack
The Golden Girls vs. Wonder Pets!
Merlin vs. El Chavo del Ocho
Victorious vs. CSI: Miami
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic vs. Smallville
Good Omens vs. Good Luck Charlie
House, M.D. vs. Pride and Prejudice
LazyTown vs. The Big Bang Theory
Bob the Builder vs. Wild Kratts
New Girl vs. Infinity Train
Arthur vs. I Love Lucy
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
The X-Files vs. Pucca
Group D
The Fairly OddParents vs. X-Men: The Animated Series
Sherlock vs. Monster High
Spider-Man vs. Revolutionary Girl Utena
Orange Is the New Black vs. Hunter × Hunter
The Office vs. Angel: The Series
Law & Order (SVU) vs. Arcane: League of Legends
BoJack Horseman vs. Wonder Woman
Jeopardy! vs. Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody vs. Taskmaster
Totally Spies! vs. Yellowjackets
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia vs. Ouran High School Host Club (Japanese)
Yuri on Ice vs. Samurai Champloo
Ducktales (1987) vs. Charmed
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood vs. Shaun the Sheep
How It's Made vs. Tokyo Ghoul
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! vs. The Emperor's New School
Group E
Kim Possible vs. Once Upon a Time
The Great British Bake Off vs. The Legend of Vox Machina
She-Ra and the Princesses of Power vs. Gilmore Girls
Animaniacs vs. Pretty Little Liars
Zoboomafoo vs. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
The Umbrella Academy vs. The Muppet Show
WandaVision (A Newlywed Couple/Ep 1) vs. NCIS
Reading Rainbow (1983-1999) vs. Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Hannah Montana (S1-2) vs. Gilligan's Island
The Mandalorian vs. Dragon Ball Z (Cha-La Head-Cha-La)
What We Do in the Shadows vs. Inspector Gadget
Big Time Rush vs. Barney & Friends
Power Rangers (Mighty Morphin) vs. Young Justice
Futurama vs. Spy × Family
Succession vs. Bluey
iCarly vs. Code Lyoko
Group F
The Magic School Bus vs. Jackie Chan Adventures
Digimon Adventure (Butter-Fly) vs. The Last of Us
Star Trek: The Next Generation (S3-7) vs. Soul Eater
Zoey 101 vs. Xena: Warrior Princess
Dora the Explorer vs. We Bare Bears
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend vs. Carmen Sandiego (2019)
Star Trek: Enterprise (S1-2) vs. Mr. Bean
Sailor Moon (Japanese) vs. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (S1-2) vs. Red Dwarf
Death Note vs. Phil of the Future
Yu-Gi-Oh! vs. El Chapulín Colorado
The Flintstones vs. His Dark Materials
Game of Thrones vs. Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure
The Nanny vs. Haikyu!!
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends vs. Frasier
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air vs. Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji
Group G
Bill Nye the Science Guy vs. The Facts of Life
George of the Jungle (1967) vs. Veronica Mars
H2O: Just Add Water (S1) vs. Star Trek: Voyager
Star Trek: The Original Series (With Vocal) vs. Hawaii Five-O
Drake & Josh vs. Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman
Puella Magi Madoka Magica vs. Cowboy Bebop (1998)
Lilo & Stitch: The Series vs. Torchwood
The Twilight Zone vs. Wander Over Yonder
Rugrats vs. Columbo
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius vs. The Walking Dead
Hey Arnold! vs. Psych
Twin Peaks vs. Voltron: Legendary Defender
Dragon Tales vs. How I Met Your Mother
Stranger Things vs. Mission: Impossible (1966)
W.I.T.C.H. vs. Daredevil
What's New, Scooby-Doo? vs. Tiny Toon Adventures
Group H
SpongeBob SquarePants vs. X-Men: Evolution
Fraggle Rock vs. Stargate SG-1
Firefly vs. Scrubs
Codename: Kids Next Door vs. Inuyasha (Change the World)
That '70s Show vs. Bear in the Big Blue House
Cheers vs. American Dragon: Jake Long
A Series of Unfortunate Events vs. Black Sails
The Powerpuff Girls vs. Darkwing Duck
That's So Raven vs. Grey's Anatomy
Ben 10 vs. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Cyberchase vs. Reba
Malcolm in the Middle vs. Shake It Up
Teen Titans (2003) vs. Mob Psycho 100
The Owl House vs. I Dream of Jeannie
Assassination Classroom (Question) vs. Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake
Phineas and Ferb vs. Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future
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Happy birthday to the fair Colossus! 21 years already.
Colossus: "I couldn't resist putting on my 20 year anniversary ensemble. Even though it's from last year, it's my most treasured birthday gift.....because Inferno, my dearest friend, made it for me. It's her 20th this year, so I shall do something even more special for her!"
[Image ID: A drawing of Colossus. She has her hair down and swept to the right in ringlets, with a large golden sun decoration and blue beads adorning her head. She's dressed in deep blue velvet, embroidered all over in gold with star, sun and moon patterns and Colossus logo shapes. Underneath is a simple white chiton. She also has a sheer dark blue scarf with gold trim going round her arms and a long necklace. She holds her right arm with her left hand and smiles regally at the viewer. End ID]
#thorpe park#human au#humanisation#rollercoaster humanisations#thorpe park human au#colossus#merlin theme parks#coaster humans#colossus thorpe park
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I HAVE to stop neglecting my askthethorpeparkrides blog this year
#key talks#thorpe park#local woman complains about lack of thorpe park content. refuses to post her own cause they're scared it won't be liked#merlin theme parks#alton towers#<-id like to do them too but I'm scared they'll be more popular than my actual favourites
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So this post caused quite of a stir, so this is in answer to everyone asking themselves: “WTF?”
In my last year of High School, we were tasked with creating some designs for these two buildings in a park close to our school. Long story short, instead of choosing two sets of designs, they chose mine and later tasked me to create more, so it could all be cohesive. The general theme I had gone with is sort of like... “Magic creatures in a fantasy land”, since it was for kids. I had to go with things that could be done quickly (We had 2 months)
So I put some Merlin references. Sadly some ideas had to be simplified, so there are only two recognizable references in the walls...
On the little columns, however...
So I’ll show you the designs, keep in mind that I was working on a tight schedule...
vs How it looked while being made
Fairies were a common fixture. If you look at him from up close you can see Merlin’s red scarf and his boots. So like... dragonlord Merlin with a dragon. (It can be Aithusa, OR it could be one of my favorite tropes, which is Arthur as a Dragon)
Another one is this design:
I think the lake Avalon, with the island and tower, is easier to recognize than the last one.
(The lighting sucks I know)
But the REAL deal are the little columns.
Top left was supposed to be white, but I was asked to turn her blue. But in my mind she’ll always be little Aithusa.
Next to it: The iconic blue butterflies from 5x12.
THE NEXT ONE IS A REFERENCE TO FANFIC OF COURSE. The Dragon Rises from Footloose, the design is completely from Mushroomtale. We made no money from this, so I just put in the reference. Also, the finished product is always different from the original.
On the bottom left we have Merthur, but like... as dragons. I threw in even more references, like the COIN, Merlin’s scarf, Arthur’s pendant, the scales that look like a crown, the transition from red to blue...
And last, but not least, a bear (with a long tail because as I said, the theme is ‘fantastic beasts’) and a merlin (with 2 pairs of wings because as I said, the theme is ‘fantastic beasts’). For those of you who don’t know, Arthur actually means bear! Also for those of you who don’t know, Merlin actually means merlin! You learn something new every day. So a bear and a merlin.
I hope this was satisfactory and answered all your questions, I’ll tag the people who were curious in the comments.. There are more designs of course, but have nothing to do with Merlin, so I didn’t mention them, but just so you know, I also snuck my OC there because she’s been with me for 10 years and I love her.
If you... idk... live in Milan or ever visit Milan and want to take a peek, This is called ‘Giardino Bazlen e Foà’ and you can find it in ‘Corso di Porta Romana’ in a hidden nook between the houses.
#merlin#merlin emrys#bbc merlin#merthur#Fanart#can i tag it as that#oh well#merlin fanart#technically it is#wall art#murales#wall mural#muralpainting
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hole
#my art#gardaland#oblivion#oblivion the black hole#oblivion: the black hole#digital art#rollercoaster#roller coaster#theme park#digital painting#dive coaster#merlin parks
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i went to Alton Towers today cause i needed an adrenaline fix and it was the best few hours 😊🥰 Galactica and Rita are my favourites
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Assinging popular UK rollercoasters TMA fear entities.
Because sometimes your roller coaster autism and magnus archives autism combine into a secret, third thing.
Also, obviously most roller coasters are kind of inherently tied to vast/spiral, but for the sake of variety I'll only be assigning those entities when it happens to be really thematically relevant.
All clear? Good. Then in no particular order, let's begin.
1 .The Smiler (Alton Towers)
Figured I should start this out on what is quite possibly the UKs most iconic rollercoaster. At a whopping 14 inversions this Gerstlauer infinity coaster holds the world recor-
The spiral. It's the spiral. Yes, I know I literally just said I would be reserving spiral judgements for certain rollercoasters but just. Just look at this fucking thing:
This is quite possibly *the* most spiral aligned rollercoaster you could possibly make. In fact it might literally be the most spiral aligned rollercoaster ever, because with 14 inversions it literally is the most amount of spiraling you can physically do on a rollercoaster.
I mean, watch the goddamn TV Advert for this ride and tell me Fuckhands McMike didn't have a (yaoi) hand in the creation of this thing. Fuck Sanakov land I'm pretty sure the smiler singlehandedly counts as a failed spiral ritual.
It literally sends you insane! That's it, that's the theming! It's logo is a literal fucking spiral! Words themselves cannot get across how quintessentially Spiral this coaster is!!!! Even the FUCKING MUSIC is spirally!
It's even yellow.
So yeah, 10/10 spiral aligned coaster would ride again.
2. The Swarm (Thorpe Park)
From one heavily themed rollercoaster to another, let's take a trip down south to The Swarm, Thorpe Park. I'm going to be biased off the bat and say that the swarm is absolutely one of my faves (just look at that inverted drop!) not to mention the being only wing coaster in the UK.
That being said, despite my fanboying The Swarm was initially a hard one to place. My gut feeling was the Vast (mainly due to how it emulates the feeling of flying) or the corruption (literally called the swarm).
But then I took a step back,actually looked into the theming and lore itself, and it became clear. The Swarm is the Extinction through and through.
For those of you FREAKS no well aquiantted with Rollercoaster Lore, the story of swarm is as follows - an evil Swarm has destroyed humanity).
Thorpe Park even went as far as to put up fake posters around the park and release ARG Style adverts about it (and this song, because Merlin is nothing if not excessive when it comes to it's parks)
So with that in mind, swarm absolutely embodies the two main aspects of the extinction; both the active destruction of the apocolypse and the fear of something new replacing us (in this case presumeably sentiant rolercoasters)
3. Oblivion (Thorpe Park)
I'll keep this entry to roughly the same length as the ride itself.
You go in a Big Hole In The Ground
It's The Buried.
4. The Roller Coaster Formerly Known As The Pepsi Max Big One (Blackpool Pleasure Beach)
Finally, a coaster entry that isn't from a Merlin park. And being both the tallest and steepest rollercoaster in the world, let us introduce the pepsi max big one.
(off screeen whispers)
Wait what do you mean it's no longer the tallest rollercoaster in the world
(more whispers)
What do you mean, "or the steepest"
(even more whispers)
Wait, what do you mean it's not even the Pepsi Max Big One anymore? The Big One? really?
The Big One is an interesting case to me, in that despite technically being the tallest rollercoaster in the UK, there appears to be somewhat of a relative lack of discussion surrounding it. It's just ... there. Hell, while making this list I actually forgot it was the tallest rollercoaster in the UK. Not to mention the whole deal with its changing, corporate name. It just feels so Bizzare. Strange, even ...
That's right motherfuckers we got ourselves a Stranger rollercoaster! It perhaps isn't the most obvious choice, but I'll be damned if I hand over the tallest rollercoaster in the Uk to the Vast, that’s just boring. Plus, I personally find it quite thematically pertinent. Something about the idea of an object getting so subsumed by it’s corporate identity that when that is removed, it’s left with nothing. Something about staking a permanent identity on inherently shifting factors leading to a [redacted] Big One shaped void.
If you want to, if you can imagine it was initially Vast before Fairchild enterprises took a hit and Nikola Orsinov swooped in to claim it.
5) Stealth (Thorpe Park)
We've got ourselves our first pure Vast rollercoaster here folks! Coming in at a hot 5th place we have the 1st most fastest rollercoaster in the UK, that launches you 0-80 mph up 62 meters of pure steel baybe!!
And um.
It doesn't do much else.
But that simplicity is exactly what makes it so vast! The Vast wouldn't fuck around with complex things like "inversions" or "ride experience". It goes up. it goes down. If Simon Fairchild made a rollercoaster it would look like this. Take one look at this thing and tell me it doesn't embody the spirit of Mike "sought out the tallest ride at the carnival" Crew.
If the Spiral gets The Smiler as its quintessential rollercoaster, The Vast gets this.
6) Wickerman (Alton Towers)
Now, the Wickerman is another personal fave of mine, and (in my personal opinion) a key example of how amazing theming can elevate practically any rollercoaster. (To go on a tangent, I'd absolutely recommend riding this during the evening at fright night, if you can. The night serves an already great ride experience into something amazing)
Not only that, but the central theming of said rollercoaster centers around both a) Cults and B) Copious amounts of fire. So, in a manner clearly befitting its assigned entity, it doesn't exactly take an expert to put two and two together and get Ouch. That’s right, it's desolation.
RIP Agnes Montague you would have loved this ride.
Scratch that maybe not considering how she seemingly felt about her cult. Let me change track.
RIP Gertrude Robinson you would have FUCKING LOVED this.
8) Nemesis (Alton Towers)
What, you thought I could make a UK coaster list without bringing up Nemesis? Surely not,I wouldn’t dare shaft everyone's favorite (and currently unavailable!) B&M invert. Wait, what do you mean you don't want to hear about how it "holds up amazingly well over 30 years" and it's "Intensity rivals even that of modern coasters"?
Jokes aside, Nemesis was another hard one to place. Like Swarm, I had a very strong initial preference - this time for the slaughter, mainly due to the whole "trapped alien" deal it has going on.
But, once again like The Swarm, another look into the deeper RollerCoaster Lore (TM) revealed another core aspect of nemesis - this time, that of the Buried.
Specifically, the Lore of Nemesis centers around a mysterious alien entity (aptly named nemesis) found Buried deep underground, and having to promptly be pinned down with tons of steel (which also coincidentally, happend to be the exact shape of a rollercoaster). Hell, the lore even had a comic book made of it.
Not only that, but the actual construction of Nemesis actively involved digging up the earth in order to create the space for it. And if that doesn't scream "buried" it's probably because you can’t hear it under all the layers of dirt.
Honerable Mentions - Kiddy Coaster Edition
9. Flying Fish (Thorpe Park)
It's everones favourite Thorpe Park Kiddy coaster, Flying fish - a coaster with a title that is only 50% inaccurate.
In all seriousness I only chose this coaster because for some inexplicable reason I associate it with the Lonely. Specifically, Peter Lucas. No, I cannot justify this choice other than the fact that look at it and tell me you can't picture Lucas sitting on this, alone, going around and around. He doesn't move or make a sound. Just sits there. Silently .Having the time of his life.
I like to imagine he buys out the entirety of the park for a day with the Lucas family fortune just so he can enjoy this one ride without having to see another human being (you wouldn't catch him dead in a theme park otherwise)
And this is probably as good a point as any to finish the list. Obviously there are way more UK rollercoasters you could assign fears to but these felt like some of the more interesting ones to explore. Anyway if you made it this far then damn. Well done, but also thanks for sharing in this incredibly niche magnus brainrot with me :)
#oh my god this took way longer than I thought it would#also sorry this is predominantly thorpe/alton focussed I ended up drifting towards those ones because I'm most farmiliar with them#Also I didn't intend for there to be two buried but it was surprisingly fitting#I was gonna go slaughter for nemesis but then i read the lore and was like. damn#Also had an entire section abt how gerry keay was “literally the vampire rollercoaster from chessingtons”#but i cut it out in the end#the magnus archives#tma#tma entities#the spiral#the extinction#the buried#the stranger#the vast#the desolation#the lonely#gertrude robinson#mike crew#simon fairchild#agnes montague#rollercoasters#theme parks#thorpe park#alton towers
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