#merlin like yeah ok that’s more believable than the lie I was going to fail at | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alovesongshewrote · 3 years

Text

What Do We Do With - A Sad Bounty Hunter | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot: You're a badass bounty hunter sent by the Arcane Order (Posse) to kill one Hisirdoux Casperan. There’s just one problem. He’s literally to nice to kill. [Hisirdoux Casperan x GenderNeutral!Reader]

Word Count: 1,362

Warnings: mentions of murder in passing

A/N: nyeh

Taglist: @furblrwurblr @einahpetsyarcip @sorrels-scribbling @anxious-stitcher @alive-and-afraid @animedweeb333 @douxiesdamsel @saroski05 @blixeon @yagirlcheesely

You never expect a barista to be a deadly bounty hunter, but sometimes they just are. This was a lesson Douxie had to learn, and you were glad to teach him.

You’d been posing as a coffee shop employee for a while, spending most shifts watching the wizard working in the attached book store. The man really let his guard down while on shift. Or maybe he didn’t. You never really got close enough to tell. You did, however, get close enough to see what a good person he was. Whether he was assisting a lost child, an elderly patron, or a coworker, the boy exuded kindness. He was cute and charming and a bit of a cheek, which you were always down for. Also, he said ‘Fuzzbuckets’ instead of ‘fuck,’ which you loved. The kindness, though, that was sickening, sickening in your opinion. That’s a lie you told yourself. You tell a lot of those, watch out for them.

In truth, the wizard’s kindness was what kept him alive. Usually, when someone had a price on their head, they weren’t a very good person. You’d brought in killers, magical dictators, and man-eating monsters, but you’d never had a target quite like Hisirdoux Casperan.

So, you hesitated. Every time you got a chance to kill him, you waited, biding your time and lying to yourself. Mission failed, we’ll get him next time, except there was never a next time. You had the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair, and your moral compass was a roulette wheel, but you still felt guilty about taking the life of someone so good. You knew the world would be a darker place without him in it, and the world you’d seen needed as much light as it could get.

Unfortunately, your sudden sense of morality was about to cause several problems. The group who’d put the price on Casperan’s head in the first place (the Arcane Posse or something?) were growing impatient. They wanted the poor man dead and they wanted it as soon as possible, so they did what anyone else would do and hired someone else to kill him. In any other situation, you may have been offended. You were a professional, and you were taking your time, so the Posse could sit there and wait, ok? In this particular case, though, you knew deep down that you had no plans to take the wizard’s life.

So, no, this time you weren’t offended. You were determined. That wizard dude was a good person and you were determined to keep him alive. With that determination on your side, you kept calm and carried on, breaking into Douxie’s apartment like any rational bounty hunter turned bodyguard, completely unaware of the mess you were about to crash into.

It was safe to say that the wizard was more than a little surprised when you smashed through his window, “FUZZBUCKETS, WHAT THE H- wait a tick, don’t you work at the coffee shop?”

You nodded, glad that he remembered you. It can be nice to be perceived, “Yeah, I do, and I was supposed to kill you but I decided against it. Anyway, your life is in danger, so come with me if you want to live.”

His mouth dropped open, his brow furrowed, and you watched his eyes cloud over as he searched desperately for a response to that. He was spared from that, though, by the small green being who walked into the room, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She was probably the forest child that the Arcane Posse wanted so badly. On her shoulder sat a black cat. He was wearing glasses, and you weren’t sure if he actually needed them, or if it was a stylistic choice. When the forest child started speaking, you decided it didn’t matter.

“Douxie? Who is this?”

“Uh, this is-”

“I’m (Y/N). I was sent by the Arcane to kill Douxie, but I took too long and now we’re all in deep shit.”

The cat leapt off the forest child’s shoulder and landed, gracefully, on the floor, “Wonderful. Simply fantastic. Why should we believe you? We don’t know who you are, and this could be a ploy to kill all of us.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but the cat had a good point, so you just answered him, “You should believe me because I haven’t killed you yet. Now, we should run, because the new assassin’ll be here soon, and he won’t hesitate as I did.”

Douxie shook his head while his cat kept up the conversation, “That isn’t a great defence. Did you not say you were sent to kill Douxie?”

“I did, and that kind of proves my point. Why would I tell you I was here to kill him if I still wanted to kill him?”

“To make us think you weren’t going to kill him!”

“That isn’t working for me very well, is it?”

“Of course it’s not! You’re just here to kill him!”

“I am not!”

“Oh come off it, you obviously are!”

“No I am not, if I wanted to I would have done it already!”

“Or is that just a ploy!?”

“Okay, both of you shut it,” the wizard you were arguing over was rubbing his temples and trying very hard not to scream. He was not in the mood for this. All he wanted was a cup of tea, and then his cute coworker turned would-be assassin broke into his house and caused problems. Probably on purpose. This was not his day.

You took in Douxie’s state and sighed. You wanted to protect him, not give him a headache. Whatever, it didn’t matter, you could still watch him from afar, “Look, if you don’t want to listen, fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. For now, I’m out. See you at work.”

And with that, you walked towards the door, fully intending to walk out like a civilized human being after breaking in like some common bitch.

The cat snorted, something you were unaware that cats could do, “Good riddance.”

You’d almost reached your destination when you felt a small tug on your pants. It was the green being, Nari. She stared up at you with huge yellow eyes, tilting her head slightly. You mirrored her actions until she looked up at Douxie.

“You should believe them. The Order has many servants at their disposal, but none of them would admit it so willingly.”

Ohhhhhhhh, the Arcane Order. You were still going to call them the Arcane Posse, at least internally.

Douxie, unaware of your silent discovery, sighed and crossed the room to your side, kneeling down to Nari’s height, just as he did when speaking to small children at the bookstore. It reminded you of why you were here.

“Nari, are you sure we can trust them?”

“Yes. I trust that they will protect us.”

You smirked while the talking cat groaned, “Douxie, you aren’t actually considering this, are you?”

The wizard sighed, closing his eyes and burying his head in his hands. He did not need this right now. What he needed was a nap and a cup of tea. Instead, he had a cute assassin, a troubled forest spirit, and a grumpy familiar, all of them on his ass to make a choice. When did this become his life? Probably when Merlin died. He didn’t have time to spiral, though, he had to make a decision, and yes, he was considering this.

And when he said as much, a smile split your face.

Despite the situation, Douxie found your cheeky grin a nice sight to see. Nice, especially, in contrast to his very dramatic familiar who, at that moment, had his head shoved against a wall in general disappointment. The wizard felt bad, but you didn’t care too much. You were just glad you could keep them safe.

“Alright then,” you said, cracking your neck, “Here’s the plan.”

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #angst #hisirdoux #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie #toa hisirdoux

109 notes · View notes

cartooness · 5 years

Text

Bby Lav AU

OKAY SO

ME AND MY LOVE @thefearanddespair CAME UP WITH THIS AU LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO AND I JUST REALIZED I NEVER TRULY POSTED IT SO HERE IT IS. WARNING IT’S HELLA LONG.

PINK HOLY SHIT

WHAT IF EVERYONE FOUND LAV AS A TODDLER

INSTEAD OF BEING 14, SHE'S 4

EVERYTHING IS THE SAME EXCEPT SHE'S 10 YEARS YOUNGER

AS WELL AS ALL THE FRIENDS

DECAN SINGS LULLABIES

SHE IS ALWAYS HOLDING SOMEONE'S HAND

PIGTAILS

“The moon sings me to sleep every night”

“The MOON?”

“Yeah! He’s very nice, I love Moon uncle”

Lav to a friend as a 4yr old bby

And she makes friends with mason when they're 7!!

Super childhood friends to lovers

Y E S

And she's always sleeping in someone's room. She doesn't like being alone

There is always a child's blankey in all the rooms for whenever she wants to sleep with someone

Someone- Oh can I schedule an appointment on this day?

Hadley- Oh I'm so sorry but that day is taken. I can put you for... a week from now?

Someone- Alright.

Hadley was actually just rocking lav to sleep.

SO CUUUTE

UMBRELLA DAD. THEY'RE TRUE DADS NOW. ALL OF THEM.

LAV IS STILL POWERFUL AF

Father’s Day is a BITCH for her lmao

Ok so she's at like Vivi's house or apartment whatever, and she drops her off at HQ, and there's a giant roll of easel paper, taller than bby lav, with all her dad's on there

AND THEY'RE TRYING NOT TO CRY

Or failing in Decan’s case.

Bby Lav gets a hold of Hadley’s umbrella wand.

Hijinks ensue.

>:)))))))))

ÒwÓ

Otto has to literally YEET Hadley into the fucking sky to grab her, grab the wand, and float safely to the ground again.

LMAOOOO

Hadders- Othello. Throw me.

Otto- Um??

Hadders- JUST DO IT

And then they’re floating down, and Hadley’s cradling the Bby in one arm, holding his umbrella up with the other.

Like Eclipsa with Meteora lmao

Y E S. I M LOVE

If Lav can ever teleport, she and Decan could do the thing Glimmer and Angella do in that last episode of season 3.

You know, the teleport and catch thing.

SHE CAN. SHE CAN TELEPORT

Decan flying after her and catching her and all that in his winged form. Or even Otto doing that!

Y E S

Hadley is subsequently freaking the fuck out on the ground.

PLAYTIME WITH FUN PAPAS

WITH WORRIED MOM

“PUT HER DOOOOOWWWWWN!”

Otto proceeds to blow him a rather Loud raspberry lmao

AND LAV GIGGLING LIKE CRAZY, "AGAIN, AGAIN!!!"

Otto- you heard the little lady!! Again!

Hadley: “ARE YOU ACTUALLY JOKING ME???”

And Otto blows another raspberry. And makes a rather crude joke.

And Hadley is jusT O F F E ND

LAV IS A VERY ACTIVE BABY

THEY'RE ALWAYS CHASING HER THROUGH THE HOUSE OR AT PARKS AND STUFF.

HER KITTY EYES ARE MORE IRRESISTIBLE THAN BEFORE.

SHE STILL HAS BEANS AND PURRING

Hadley: *Bitching at Otto*

Otto: “PBBPPBRBTBRBRPT!! Jeeez, Hadley, all that hot air you’re blowin’ is contagious, crack a window wont’cha?”

Hadley: *Pterodactyl screeching*

LMAOOOOO

Hadders- BUT MY BABY DOWN BEFORE I BEAT YOUR BUTT!!

Decan- MAKE US.

Otto- SHE'S OUR BABY TOO, YA KNOW!

Meanwhile Lav is enjoying the silly stuff her papas are fighting over and is thrilled of being tossed around. XD

Decan’s just laughing and twirling and stuff. He’s all just “It’s fiiiiiine!”

:OOOOOO

LAV IN KINDERGARTEN SHOWING ALL THE KIDS HER BIG ASS EXTENDED FAMILY.

Lav’s presence just screams ‘Gay Rights’ to all the other little kids.

Even if not all of the parents agree.....

They get told off

Lav- And this is all my papas!! They all love each other very much.

The teacher- Lavender, sweetie, did you say that your "papas" all.... love each other?

Lav- Yeah!! Daniel and Cecil love each other. Decan and Otto love each other. Lewis, Vivi, and Arthur love each other. Merlin and Quentin love each other. And Percy and Hadley don't have love yet.

The teacher- *grimace*

Some kid- You're dad's are all *insert slur here*!!!

Lav- Stop, that's mean!!

Some kid- No it's not, it's true!!

And he gets shoved out if his desk.

And poor bby lav comes crying when they pick her up, explaining how all the kids made fun of her and her family.

Hadley then calls in to the office when he picks her up from school that day.

He has a few words XD

A few.....very polite, very CHOICE words.

And then he’s like to Lavender.

“Now, I’m not one to spoil children, but I do believe that an ice cream....or two....is warranted at a time like this.”

And that means a lot when HADLEY’S the one doing the treating. The responsible, rule-driven and sometimes strict parent.

YES BIG LOVE.

“Just....don’t tell anyone else. They’ll have me strung upon a wall, or....thrown in the stocks.”

Very old fashioned boi lmao

Lav, a good girl, - Okay Papa Hadley!

And she proceeds to eat two scoops of peaches and cream ice cream.

Adorable.

I know!!

AND COULD YOU IMAGINE? BABY MASON?

They're in the same first grade class and they're table buddies!!!

They probably have play dates all the time!!

AND SHE MAKES HIM THINGS OUT OF MAGIC SOMETIMES

7 year old Lav- Mason, Mason!!! Look what I can do!! *makes a pinecone out of magic*

7 year old Mason- :OOO THAT'S SO COOL LAV!!!!

This is way too fucking cute, I can’t.

Mason, showing his pinecone to Kyle, then Nicole, - NICKY, LOOK WHAT LAV MADE ME!!!!

Pre Transition Kyle- Woah! That's so cool!!!

Mason - I'm gonna keep it in my box of special things, where it'll be safe!!!

BBY LAV PLAYING WITH OTTO AND DECAN’S NON-HUMAN PARTS?

Pointy ears, Tails, Wings, Dec’s Horns, Otto’s Fangs

YES YES YES SHE WOULD

“Woooow! You’ve got weally big teeth, Papa Otto!”

“You have vewwy pwetty wings Papa Decan!”

And they’re just....melting.

I'M LOVE I'M LOVE

OR PLAYING WITH DANIEL AND CECIL HAIR. OR ANYONE'S HAIR IN GENERAL

Hadley’s super long and thicc hair lmao

Y E S

One day, Hadley's hair is just. Covered in hair accessories.

And lav says to keep them in all day. And so he does.

And it takes like half an hour to take all of them out lmaooo

WHEN OTTO COMES HOME FROM LIKE TRAINING OR SOMETHING AND HE'S ALL BEAT UP, LAV AND DECAN CLEAN UP HIS WOUNDS, BUT LAV PUTS LIKE PRINCESS BAND AIDS ON ALL THE SCRATCHES AND STUFF.

Someone- Why do you have... girly band aids all over you?

Otto- the doctor said I had to keep these on and if I take them off I will die.

He’s sitting in a chair, like, grumbling as Cecil and Daniel have to take them out.

ALSO ABSOLUTELY HE WOULD DO THAT!

Big Masculine Buff Man.

Princess Bandaids. And they’re, like, his pride and joy.

Awwww!!

Best part of getting beat up. Lav gives him the Princess bandaids. He says they make him look badass.

Proud Papa.

Cecil’s a fashion designer.

Bby fashion.

:OOOOOOOOOOOO

I D E A S

YOU KNOW HOW LAV LIKES TO BE COMFY? SHE PROBABLY HAS A BUNCH OF CUTE SWEATERS THAT SHE WEARS ALL THE TIME

ALL HER DADS LOVE HER TO BITS AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU MESS WITH THEIR SHARED BABY GIRL

OMG. PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE THINGS.

GASP. LAV LEARNING ABOUT THE LGBT COMMUNITY. SHE'S 4 INSTEAD OF 14 WHEN SHE LEARNS.

Also YES all of that is über wholesome

Otto goes and when people are, like, homophobic or whatever, he sorta lounges back, feet on the table, and does his sorta ‘Blow-Raspberry-Fart-Jokes’ routine that he loves so much at all the other people and they’d be like ‘Honestly this is an grown-up affair, why don’t you act your age you disgusting slob of a man’ and he’s just like ‘Really? Then why don’t y’all stop acting like a bunch of whiny children, whining about the 21st century? Then maybe I’ll treat y’all like adults and this meeting like something important. (Otto is the king of Fart Jokes lmao. He’s a big old child.

And terribly dad-like like that. It’s just one of the truths about him.)

OMG IMAGINE MASONDER

Okay so, they're both like, 12 I guess, and it's Lavender's birthday, and Mason gives her like, a really cute stuffed animal, and she Instantly Loves, and she gives him a big hug and a peck on the face.

Cue awkward silence

Everyone sees.YES EXACTLY

Big old moment.

Baby’s First Kiss

Mason, not knowing what to do, just returns the favor.

And Lav is almost about to DIE FROM HER MASSIVE BLUSHING. Mason's fucking. Avoiding all eye contact with everyone, and it's a very uncomfortable silence.

And finally Lav breaks the silence by grabbing his face and kissing him.

EVERYONE IS LOSING THEIR SHIT

Hadley, in the back of the room,

"IS THIS ALLOWED!?!?!? IS THIS ALLOWED!?!?!?

Emotional Moment.

And the supposedly steel-hearted Hadley finally breaks down crying. All that internal emotion becomes external emotion.

(And his makeup gets smudged, and it’s all crazy and emotional.)

Otto fucking SCOOPS Lavender up into his big, hairy arms and hugs her. All “HELL YEAH GIRL! How’d it feel!? What was it like?! I know he’s not as good a kisser as D-EEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKK-an, but STILL!” He had that emotional bat-screech moment.

And Decan’s just a blubbering mess. All proud Daddy style. They grow up so fast and all that.

Mason- ARE YOU ALL OKAY?!?! AM I IN TROUBLE?!?!

Vivi just cheers. Mama Bear style.

And Lewis is all

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU HURT HER IN ANYWAY I WILL BREAK YOU: Mason, scared,- Y-yes sir. I'll um, I'll be good, I promise.

Hadley’s like that too. But a lot less overt.

And a lot more shadow-over-the-face serious.

He pulls Mason aside for Tea, and has a full on discussion with him over it. Making for DAMN sure he knows what he’s getting into, and making damn sure that Mason has no intention of in any way fucking around and breaking her heart.

Mason, at the end of it all,- Yes, sir, I understand. Am I free to go?

Hadley - Yes. But remember, I'm always watching. *does that I've got my eyes on you tea sip thing*

And he IS!

The following week, Hadley pulls aside Lav and asks all about her and Mason. Plot twist is that he KNOWS. And is testing to see whether or not she reproduces what he’s already seen. To test wether or not she’s lying. And if she IS, Mason told her to lie and he’s bricked.

He’s terribly cunning like that.

The following week, Hadley pulls aside Lav and asks all about her and Mason.

Lav- Aw, I'm glad you asked! He's so cute, that Button. Anyway, we've been eating lunch together and we shared a cookie, um, we held hands a lot, what else, um, please don't be um, mad, but, um, we kinda..... fell asleep together while you were at work.

Hadders- Oh I know.

Lav- What?

Hadley: Lavender, Darling, you should know by now. I make it my business to know everything. The surname ‘Trivia’ doesn’t come for free.

He could easily pull an Eclipsa and cast some sort of All-Seeing-Eye.

Hadley doesn’t see limits when he’s protecting someone. He’s willing to go as far as it takes.

Lav- Are you mad at me? I mean, we weren't doing anything, like, BAD, but still, if you don't want us to do that we'll stop.

H: On the contrary! I’m very happy with you. You passed the test.

I was watching you both. The whole time. And I wanted to be sure that he hadn’t convinced you to lie to me if you were asked. Or, heaven forbid, you lie on your own will. And you didn’t lie at all!

Lav- Oh. Uh, cool! I guess! Also, he is a very good cuddle partner. Just thought I'd say that. Also his hair is really soft and it's fun to play with. And- *proceeds to ramble on about Mason lol*

Hadley then just sorta sits down and conjures some coffee for himself.

She's in love, Hadley!!!! Yep lol

And Ashley, on the other hand, is listening to a very happy mason go on about Lavender and it's adorable. He announced to Kyle (he had just transitioned) over the house phone about his new relationship with Lav and Kyle's so happy for him and, of course, teases a bit, but asks for all the details.

They're Those (tm) friends who love info dumping about things they're passionate about.

Omg, imagine Lav going on and on about Mason to Decan and Otto. They’re just sorta babbling with her. Otto TRIES to give relationship advice but he’s just.... Terrible, it’s terrible advice lmao. He’s just trying.

And Decan’s laughing his li’l head off.

Decan, fanboying,- Oh my goodness, Peaches!! You guys are so CUTE!!!!! When's the wedding~~~

Lav- DECAN!!!!!! Ò//////Ó

Decan - I'M JOKING. *mostly anyway, they still get married after college graduation*

O: “K, you gotta try and outsmart him into letting you kill him! But you’ll find as you go that you’re actually falling for him and he’s falling for you too and it goes from there! And you can win him over with pick-up lines or fart jokes or by rapping for him as he sings along and I got notebooks for that sorta stuff if ya-“

D: *While laughing* “Otto, darling, c’mmoooooonnn! That advice sucks, not everybody falls for that crude humour and personality like I did, you know!”

O: “Psh! Oh yeah! Watch her try it and watch it work like a charm!”

D: “Oh yes, a charm, indeed.~ If your ‘embrace your inner animal’ way works then naturally my way would happen next, wouldn’t it? Soften you to mush and then claim that mush as mine.”

O: “Oh, ya li’l SCAMP! GET IN HERE!”

*Otto then proceeds to pull Decan in and noogie him between his horns as he laughs and kicks.*

OMG THAT'S SO CUTE

Lav- Uhhhhh. I think I'll just. Go with the flow and maybe I'll try and kiss him again on Friday. Might bring a flavored lip gloss with me that day....

Decan- OOOH, SOMEONE HAS PLANS!!!!

Lav- DECAN, PLEASE!!!! ÒÒ///////ÓÓ

~~Otto got REALLY lucky finding someone as naturalist and oblivious to human sociality as Decan, let’s be honest, if ‘inner-beast’ crudeness and rude-fraternity-boy charm is his play style lmao~~

O: “Decan, we’re gonna be there and we’re gonna bring the MP3.”

D: “Love-songs, Yes? Can do.”

O: “Warm up those vocal chords!”

D: “Only if you warm up yours.”

O: “We’re gonna give them the best ambience EVER!”

D: “Historical. It shall be written down and carried down till the end of time!”

O: “HELL YEAH! VÁMONOS!”

Lav- uh, you don't have to do that, it'll be like. Maybe after school? In the courtyard?

They’re, like, playfully pouty like ‘Fiiiiiiiiiiiine.’ But really they’re just happy for her.

God, Otto and Percy are, like, the disaster parents for Lav. Especially for Bby lav.

Otto, especially, would absolutely ADORE Lav. I can’t speak entirely for Percy but I feel like they’d love her a whole bunch, but god, Otto absolutely adores Lavender.

AWWWWW

Big, buff, tuff, ill-mannered-gentleman Vamp Dad and his li’l goddess.

OMG HOLY FUCK NUGGETS YOU KNOW THAT THING? WHERE IT'S TWO ADULTS AND ONE BBY IN THE MIDDLE? DECAN, LAV, AND OTTO. Y E S. OR WITH ANY COUPLE ACTUALLY. AND THEN THEY SWING BBY LAV OVER LIKE CURBS AND STUFF AND AHHHH I'M SOMFT. SO CUUUTE!!!! OOH IN THIS AU, MASON AND LAV ARE STILL HELLA CUDDLY AND SNUGGLY. Gonna stop doing all caps lol. Anyway, masonder happens a bit earlier, but they've been friends for like 5 years at the time they are a Thing, so yeah haha. They are THE cutest thing ever. Always holding hands, face holding, sharing food, small pecks on the face, all that cute stuff uwu. They're in 7th grade btw. Both 12. They're relationship is steady and lasts all throughout middle school and high school. (Yes. They are the DEFINITION of an "Endgame Ship.") And then after they do the whole college thing, they tie the knot, have a baby, and live happily ever after uwu. :P

( This next bit is from a comic I did lol)

QUENTIN GAVE HER THE KNIFE

Otto: “LAV, YOU CAN’T HAVE A KNIFE!!!

Have a crossbow, it’s much more powerful.” “Just don’t go staking papa Otto through the chest, now! It’s bad for me!”

Lav- Oh cool! What about a sword! I'll be careful, I promise! And Hadley’s losing his mind lol Decan: *Does the moon butterfly magic sword thing*

“Here you are!” Bby Lav-

>:OOOOOOOO I'M GONNA KILL HOMOPHOBIC PEOPLE!!!

Hadley- Lav, honey, that's illegal.

Lav- But Mx. Percy does illegal stuff all the time!! Hadley: *Scoops Lavender up and Mary-Poppins flies the fuck out* YES

And that's what we came up with lmao

#mystery skulls #mystery skulls animated #bby!lav au #lavender grey

7 notes · View notes

sieben9 · 6 years

Text

“the bear and the bow” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I'm watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I'd be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

So…

!!!

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. One thing at a time. Other plots first, so I can gush about this in peace. ...oh, come on, you knew I was gonna.

Under the cut, obviously. Sorry, this is a bit more “recappy” than usual, because my OTP hasn’t had a decent conversation in ages, and I was determined to indulge myself.

how people kept a straight face around that thing, i will never know

Look, guys, you know that I love you, but I wish you'd put down the plot ball for a moment. You were great about realising that Arthur was up to no good back in Camelot--how is it that nobody had even the slightest clue until now? At least they weren't the only ones. Seriously, Arthur, you couldn't stick that mushroom in your pocket? Down your pants? Anything? I get that mushrooms are supposed to burn, but it was a goddamn magic mushroom, you bonehead!

Anyway, the jig's up now, and they might have bigger problems than Arthur, anyway.

...doesn't look good, does it?

Emma. Buddy. Pal. I know you're the Dark One and that comes with its own problems, but if you killed Merlin, we absolutely cannot be friends anymore. Also, I will hunt you down and smack you with the biggest cactus I can find.

::sigh:: Please, just let him be a tree again or something...

And on that cheerful note...

what the hell, merida?

You know, I was going to joke about how calm Belle took being kidnapped by this complete stranger, but let's be honest, this is a "But for me, it was Tuesday" situation for her.

The whole Merida-plot was a bit weaker than I would have liked. Though I'm not going to lie: when she started telling the story of that battle, I was completely convinced that she'd accidentally shot Fergus, and I was ready to fight every single writer on this show with my bare fists. Really glad it didn't come to that, but it does tell me something about the degree of Drama™ this show has conditioned me to expect. And is it just me or is that a kind of... lame reason for the clans to withdraw their support? I get why Merida would lose confidence after that incident, but I think it may have been more believable to say "the clans weren't ready to accept me as queen, yet" rather than make it seem like they were totally on-board with that idea until she failed to make a near-impossible shot on the battlefield. Just saying.

At least she and Belle had phenomenal chemistry in that flashback. Less so in the present-day plot, for obvious reasons, but outside of attempted murder, I'd love to see some more scenes from them.

“belle saying goodbye to her girl of the week at the water’s edge” may not be a pattern, but it’s a weird thing to happen twice

Another thing the flashback set up/echoed very nicely was the concept of "remember what you are fighting for" and that people are often at their bravest when it's for somebody else.

Complaining aside, the climax of flashback!Merida’s subplot was so jawdroppingly awesome that I’m willing to overlook the other nonsense. Yes, yes, I know. Cheap. Look at me not caring.

yes, i know it's physically impossible to do this. and i also do NOT care

This actually made for a relaxing counterpoint to present-day!Merida, who’s… really not in a good place, poor woman. At least we know that after everything is over, she can go back home to her brothers and her kingdom.

Now, before I get into my favourite plot (yes, I am shamelessly playing favourites this episode; sue me), I wanted one dishonourable mention to the one bit in there that I heartily disliked. Namely: was it in any way necessary to retcon Rumple's reason for leaving the war? That's a rhetorical question, by the way, because I can tell you right now that it wasn't. It doesn't add anything to the character or to that story--quite the opposite, in fact--and it messes with character motivations all through the established canon.

I'll just let Nick take this one.

OK, that said, on to the good bits!

::high-pitched whine::

I probably shouldn't be worried, this thing has been through worse, but… he smashed it! I cannot believe he smashed the cup! Yes, yes, I know. It's not the object that's important it's about Belle and what he's willing to do for her, but still. The poor cup. It didn't deserve that.

And then finally, finally, we got the reunion.

Please pardon my language, but about fucking time! I mean, I knew I’d missed seeing them together, but this scene brought it all into focus. And while we’re on it, how dare you use that elevator against me, show? I call foul play!

And oh, the whole “I only came back for you” bit? Yeah, just… rip out my heart and leave it here, I guess. Didn’t really need it, anyway. (Also, this is the point where I got misty-eyed and I kind of cried on and off throughout the rest of that plot. I’m not just built near water, I live in a goddamn houseboat.)

OK, let me put on my analytical hat for a moment, and say that this was such a good story for them both. It shows their relationship dynamic at its best, and after so much time spent separated and/or lying to each other (OK, mostly Rumple lying to Belle, but you get my point), it's just balm for my poor shipper heart.

...now where did that analytical hat go?

Anyway, as I was saying: relationship at its best. They're both protective of each other, but rely on each other, and when Rumple is about to fall into bad habits again, Belle stops him, for his own sake as much as other's.

Though I will say, Belle, that you may have slightly overestimated Rumple's attachment to the people in this town. He may have felt bad about leaving Henry behind, but he probably assumed that if anyone was safe from Emma it was him. All in all, not much of a reason to stay, is what I'm saying.

And then there was the whole scene in the woods.

Before I get to anything else, I want to mention the possibly most hilarious bit of this episode:

Just. Belle. Running in the woods. In heels. At night.

Yeah, don't try this at home, kids.

Oh, but this entire scene was perfect. I want to frame the whole thing and put it up on my wall, so I can look at it when I'm feeling down. The two of them being protective of each other. Both clearly terrified and both refusing to back down while the other is still in danger.

The setup for this scene was excellent, too. Everything they talked about before, everything they did—from hiding in the shop, to Rumple's escape attempt in the car— built towards the emotional payoff in this moment, when Rumple turns up with that ridiculous sword. Which, I might add, he didn't need in the end, because that's not how his kind of courage works. Also, I must be losing my touch, because that anti-transformation dust could not have been set up more bluntly, and yet I didn't realise what it was for until he used it.

though from what i gather, he wasn’t too sure about it, either

Can we please have more of this? Not just the happy post-debearing (yes, that’s a word now) moments, but the whole package of affection, honesty, and benign arguments. You know–character growth.

Speaking of which…

Nice little finish to that particular subplot, although we all know the real “hero moment” happened in the woods. This felt important, but it really wasn’t dramatically emphasised. It was more like a footnote of “oh, yeah, of course he can pull out the sword”.

And Rumple’s threat to Emma? Hellll, yes. He’s right, too–nobody else knows how the Dark One works the way he does. Like he said earlier, in some ways, he knows Emma better than she knows herself right now. Six weeks experience of carrying that curse vs. 200+? Yeah, I wouldn’t exactly put my money on Emma in this scenario.

(Very) long story short: this episode was amazing and I’m excited to see where this goes.

(Also, yes, I am aware that Status Quo Is God on this show and that the current situation won’t last forever, but damnit, I’m determined to enjoy the ride.)

#ouat #once upon a time #the bear and the bow #sieben watches ouat #sieben talks #i loved this episode #SO MUCH!#i get the hype now #i really do

92 notes · View notes