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littleeyesofpallas · 3 years

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I think in my hurry to get through the one core rant without getting distracted, I didn't actually outline the Hero's Journey's whole proposed psych model in the first place. I don't want to get too into each of the 17 steps, but the idea of the process it reflects is this:

A boy on the cusp of adulthood must leave the comfort of parental protection/provision, whether he wants to or not. He must seek out the "magic" of an older mentor who has seen and mastered the unknown, and through that mentor they learn an entry level skill that will allow them to navigate the world of adults; but this is not "mastery" and it is not "understanding" it is only the bare bones functionality of mimicry. Understanding comes later. This happens, often, while still in the comfort of the "home" realm, where the dangers of the unknown aren't in play yet. Then they leave for real and confront the shock of an unfamiliar world, of autonomy, and responsibility; for the first time in their life, if something goes wrong, no one is there to help them.

Campbell himself posits this next step can go a few different ways. His standard format suggests the Belly of the Whale, the descent into the darkness of not knowing happens at the threshold itself, comes first. That upon confronting the unfamiliar new reality of adulthood the immediate reaction is to be overwhelmed, and only after addressing that immense pressure and aimlessness does the boy get to proceed out into the world at large with the understanding that out here, he can actually die.

But the alternative to this is that the boy goes from the crossing of the threshold directly into the Road of Trials, putting at his his magic aide's skills to use, and learning new ones, until that momentum of that growth and learning plateaus, and then THAT is the moment in which the hero is consumed unto the Belly of the Whale, not when he first confronts a reality that is beyond him, but when he first realizes that it's beyond him; when the arrogance and ignorance of youth gives way to humility. Here he has been facing danger and challenge but only now does he confront the inevitability of death; he cannot keep conquering the unknown forever.

I prefer the Belly-second format, because unlike the Belly-first form's processing of the idea that he can die, this is the fact that he will die; and then what legacy does he leave behind? And this directly motivates his shifting attention toward...

The Goddess Reconciliation is my problematic fav of this whole thing... Campbell and Jung believed deeply in this old fashioned notion of Anima and Animus, that there was some nearly mystical bioessentiallist quality of explicitly segregated Male and Female psyche, and a lot of that doesn't scan great these days. BUT! Of note is that their fixation on this duality came largely out of the idea that the two, being innately separate and at odds, needed to be balanced for a healthy mind to exist. In the psychospiritual spiritual approach to myth this means the Goddess is in fact a man's inner feminine aspect that need to be appeased and made peace with. And that's actually pretty cool, weird inner-cosmological premise to that aside.

But in regards to the myth as guidance, this is also the step in the journey that I just call Respect Women. Because that's what's being taught. This is the moment that the young boy/young man, until recently high on his own power and accomplishments, and his ongoing conquest of the unknown is confronted by a woman of great power. She resides in a realm above him, and for the first time in his quest he cannot conquer his way through this. He MUST speak with, negotiate, and empathize with this woman and her needs in order to win her favor and approval, and sometimes very literally hand in marriage.

This power she holds over him is often pretty literally the ability to have children, tying back into the newfound need to secure legacy that I mentioned in Belly of the Whale. But it can also be inheritance of fortune, positions of power and rulership, etc... in the realms of mythological and fairytale narratives. But it also reflects the internal idea of the joining of Anima and Animus, in that this marriage in one way or another, material or not, must bring him peace of mind.

Then there's the Woman as Temptress phase, which is woefully underused. Granted it can come across as a bit sexist and cliche in many narratives, and it's easy to see how that doesn't feel "essential" to most Hero Journeys, but I think this is incredibly important. Again, I prefer the Belly-second model in which the hero's conquests naturally lead to arrogance (he's on a winning streak, and he is still just a kid doing all this for the first time; he's never known defeat, so how does he even know when to slow his roll?) and this is a repeat of that; he's learned to please one woman, why not use his tried and true method of learning new skills and putting them to use to please more women? And so his loyalty to his Goddess must be tested in order to teach him moving forward.

This is the trope about Prince Charming being a playboy because his only trait is seducing women, not being good to them --see: Utena's Touga, or Into The Wood's Prince brothers. This is where a man learns not to be a fuckboi.

And then the confrontation with The Father. The legendary big Vader moment. But it's not always a violent confrontation, and it's not always innately negative; at times it can even be a somber affair. A boy must learn to stop idolizing his father, and make peace with the truth that his father is just a man, full of flaws like any other. And by reconciling his father as infallible patriarch and the hero's own process of growth, a boy must learn that to succeed in life he must be more than his father is/was. And this tends to become a violent or literal physical conflict when the father in question is both still alive, and the very literal authority that must be overcome in the name of progress. The patriarch has established a system of order that he sees as preserving the safety and security of the world of the known, and he will protect that system even as it begins to fall apart. And as a man, not longer a boy, but a peer to his father the hero has to show the father that he is no longer the unquestioned arbiter and effectively take his place.

In this the boy becomes man, hero attains some kind of enlightenment, sees some deep truth to the world and now knows with some clarity what is best for the world. An arrogant assertion to be sure, but internal to the journey at hand it makes enough sense... Because with this understanding the Hero also discovers or distills the mysteries of this wild realm of the unknown into The Ultimate Boon: a tool or a symbol of the skills learned, that can be replicated or utilized even without the hero's personal level of understanding. And this thing must be delivered back to the mundane so that the next generation of children can use it to expand their realm of the known further into what had before been unknown; each subsequent generation of hero expanding the collective knowledge and understanding of the community as a whole.

And Hero must also often learn selflessness. This kind of comes into play more often when there isn't the innate establishment of a desire to foster a legacy that will out last him. In this case the Hero needs to be talked into going home, because the alternative is that he continues to dwell in this state of perfection. But if he lives out his life like this, he will die as just a singular man rather than the Hero of a people. This in turn motivate the Rescue in which someone has to break into his little bubble of personal accomplishment to bring him back. Yet again his ego must be tested, and he must be humbled.

And then he goes back home, he's a Master of Two Worlds, the known and unknown alike, and he delivers The Boon to the common people so their lives can be made better by it. He earns the Freedom to Live and melds back into a mundane civilian life, as a productive member of his society, as a father, and eventually as a new hero's Magical Aide and old wizened mentor.

Shit.. I let this get away from me and shifted my whole rhetoric halfway in... >:/ My point wasn't to outline the mythic structure but the psychological one. So let me try to just summarize briefly now:

A boy needs to leave the comfort of home. He has to learn many new skills, starting with being taught by a teacher. He has to learn his limitations, finality and fatality. To secure a legacy he seeks a wife; to get a wife he must respect women; to keep a wife he must not be a fukboi. He must be a better father than his was. He must learn to want to give back to his community, and then return with knowledge and/or resources to better said community. He assumes a mundane life, he has kids who will grow up as he did; he'll be their father to overcome, and their mentor to learn from in time.

↑This is the Hero's Journey that Campbell became so fixated on, and that George Lucas maybe kind of oversold and muddled with film savvy, but that the original Star Wars still managed to embody and launch into the public consciousness. This is the Hero's Journey I wish more people would talk about and engage with, rather than the color-by-numbers nonsense that it's been reduced to.

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kipskat · 3 years

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Men, I'm sure there's a good part in you that desires to not end up 'not seeing her as your future'. (Jayzam-zoned)

And I mean, for the greater majority of men out there, I have always believed that the sane and average man would date a woman without the intention of playing with her feelings or hurting her.

But - even if the intentions are harmless, a lot of relationships still end up either spiraling to their destruction or continuing lifelessly on a plateau for years.

I'm offering you some new perspective that might just help your relationship move forward.

And I'm sharing this from my experience, observations, and failures I've had in the past. And sharing this as a married man to another man - because except for those who are obviously being whiteknights and simps, we don't really see a lot of men to men advices here on social media.

These are things your woman might not be able to fully express to you but would like to...

1. WHILE YOU ENJOY PLAYING

... videogames or hanging out with your friends all week, and it seems like you're taking it easy in life, your woman is gradually getting anxious about your future together.

They said a man matures later than a woman because their prefrontal cortex develops late. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that helps people set and achieve goals. That's why at the age of 25, the average woman sees herself settling down within 5 years, while the average man finds it hard to see even see himself at all within 5 years.

If this is true for you, it's about time to realize that you don't have to wait for that function to kick in. If you are in a relationship with a woman, you are responsible for her. Her dreams and aspirations in life can not wait just because you still haven't figured out yours.

2. IF YOU ARE IN YOUR EARLY OR MID 20's

... you need to understand that a woman has a biological timetable that she needs to beat. If she wants to have a handful of children in the very near future, understand that she needs to start making a family now. If you are serious about your future together as a family, think hard about this one.

3. YOUR WOMAN WANTS TO SEE YOU

... become fully independent. A help from your family, especially if you come from a well-off household, is truly a blessing. But your woman will always prefer seeing you striving, struggling, and working hard independently rather than getting everything you need from your family.

Remember, you are making your own, new family. Your family's wealth might have impressed her before, but things are different now. What she wants to see is how you are able to establish family with her, and not how much money your family can shell out to you every month.

4. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO OPEN UP THE TOPIC

... about marriage. Do you know how hard and embarrassing it is for women to open up the idea of marriage? While they or you both desire it, she doesn't want to come off as needy or insecure by initiating the conversation about getting married. Do not take this for granted. Just because she isn't talking about it, doesn't mean she doesn't want it.

This is by far the number one reason why women get stuck in 6-8 year long dating relationships. They can't afford to ask but their man won't ask either. Remember that the purpose of dating is to get to know each other. No sane woman believes it takes 8 years to get to know the other person, so you best bet that she is waiting for you to start talking.

Discuss it. Set timelines and deadlines. Think of it as your new project, or a new mission. Think of it as a quest that you need to finish before you can level up. Don't be stuck as a noob, take the first step.

5. DEEP INSIDE SHE WOULD TRY TO BLAME HERSELF

... for every screw up that you made. It sounds illogical, yeah, but most women do this. If you ever cheat on her and have an affair with another woman, she'll get hurt, of course. But on the aftermaths of it all, she'll try to figure out what she did wrong, where she lacked, or what the other woman got it better than her. She'll start to compare herself to other women and get more insecure about herself. She will feel guilty about something she never did.

So just don't do it.

Even in minor, more tolerable issues, she would still try to see if she has already done her best or if she could have done better.

6. SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO BE FORCED TO COMPROMISE

... on everything. You might already know that your woman is very emotional. It might not appear on the surface, but a whole lot of them use their emotions as their deciding factor.

Sadly, that is also the reason why so many women are stuck in toxic relationships again and again and can't seem to move forward. They are vulnerable to emotional deception, and some really despicable men out there know this and use this to manipulate the relationship.

That being said, I'm sure that's not you. But be aware of this the next time you screw up: she's torn between getting angry at you and loving you. And most of the time, women choose to love. That's why they get hurt because they keep on choosing to love, over choosing to move on. They keep on hoping for that slightest possibility of feeling loved back.

I've always joked about this to my wife. "What if you found out that I cheated, and I asked for your forgiveness, will you forgive me?"

She doesn't want to answer it every time, but as followers of Christ, we both know for a fact that she WILL forgive me.

That said, this idea never made me happy or never pushed me to entertain the thought of having an affair. Why? Because of how much damage it will put through her heart, her mind, and her soul, to deal with unfaithfulness and shame, and ridicule, while she has to put up with me and accept me back.

It's not something a proper man would ever do to her woman.

So if ever you're even thinking about messing around with another girl while you're in a relationship with your woman, think about this.

7. SHE WANTS YOU TO LEAD

... in all aspects of the relationship. It doesn't matter if you're a shy one, if you keep to yourself, or if she has a more dominant personality. It might not seem like it, but she would want to see you be the best man you can become by leading her.

Knowing where to eat or where to go is different than being able to guide her through life's most difficult challenges. She wants to see that you can be relied on in almost every aspect of your lives together.

Lead her emotions. If she's angry, learn to model how to communicate despite negative emotions. If she's happy and ecstatic, be joyful yet stable.

Lead her through decision making. In my experience, what a woman wants is not a man who makes all the right decisions in life, but a man who can pull himself up through all the bad decisions he's made. If there is need to admit a wrong decision and give an apology, then do so. Wise decisions are great, but so is accountability.

Lead her through proper perspectives and worldviews. If you see her scrolling her Instagram feed, or sharing 'sana all' posts on Facebook, appreciate her and encourage her to find the beauty in what you already have.

Lead her spiritually. Most often than not, your woman sees her relationship with God as something personal. But if you're building a family together, someone needs to be the spiritual head of the household. Invite her to study scripture. If you're not there yet, talk to her about finding a church you can both try and attend. And in the simplest forms, pray for her and your future together.

There are many things and areas in life that she wants to see you lead. But maybe it's the idea of knowing you can take good care of her and your family in the future is what matters.

8. YOUR WEDDING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EXTRAVAGANT

... but it has to be special. Understand that she's scrolled past countless of wedding photos on Facebook that almost looks like it costs over a million to set up. While it might entertain her mind for a while, she will always be happy with the thought of being married to you. It doesn't have to be as grand as your friend's wedding. Just start the damn wedding is what she cares about.

If this is what's keeping you from proposing or making plans, make sure you understand why weddings happen in the first place. It's a covenant between the both of you and God. Those TikTok dance numbers is not something God cares about. Not even that 4-6 tier cake or those fancy lights and decoration.

Start with the essentials and then add the non-essential elements of the wedding only if you can. Your woman will love you for it. What matters to her is that you finally and officially belong to each other.

I tried to keep this as close to the Jayzam-zone issue as possible, but it's 3 AM and my words are leaking out of my mind.

So if you want to "see her as your future", start seeing her differently today.

And don't be pressured if she tags you in this post for you to read. That's how mature relationship works. Lots of things need to be discussed.

I'll write more if I have to and edit this post to add more . Follow the page to stay tuned.

P.S. bawal mag LQ sa comments section. Discuss it in person or sa messenger.

CTTO: The Imperial Patriarch of FB

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anthonymbarr · 5 years

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Where is The Breaking Point?

This summer I had the opportunity to hear the NYT columnist David Brooks speak at Aspen Institute. David plugged his new book which is all about how the metrics of success don’t lead to happiness, and what is really needed for a flourishing life is family, etc. David had this epiphany after the collapse of a marriage brought him to ground zero. Well, as close to ground zero as you get as a middle-aged white man with a gig at the NYT, and book deals, and think-tank speechs, and, anyway. (This is to say that the first rule of the meritocracy is that you can develop your spirituality after you’ve struck gold.) Anyway, I don’t really remember his three bullet point list of insights. But what I do remember, quite viscerally in fact, was when at the beginning of his talk he said to us: “People say that your 30s are the new 20s. But I’m telling you that if you don’t get a head-start in your 20s, you’re fucked.”

There’s a new article in the September issue of The Atlantic about how meritocracy is the worst (written, yes, by a Yale law professor.) You already know a lot of the highlights: more kids in the elite schools from the 1% than the bottom 60%, and these rich kids who did interviews to get into kindergarten are predictably more anxious and depressed, more likely to be coping with drugs or alcohol or risky sex or whatever. Maybe not the sex though, since there’s no time, given all the homework. Or maybe sex, but certainly no time for dating or hanging out at the mall. Band camp, cheer practice, debate tournament, SAT coaching, three hours of homework.

Naturally it doesn’t stop there. Law school? “Work harder than you’ve ever worked in your life,” a sitting judge told us as her key piece of advice. “2,400 billable hours per year”, a practicing lawyer told us, “and that’s just the billable hours. Plenty of hours on top of that.” Or consider the 9-to-5 banking life that The Atlantic article highlights: that is, 9am to 5am the next day, in case you were wondering.

I was really struck by this line in the article: “A person who extracts income and status from his own human capital places himself, quite literally, at the disposal of others—he uses himself up.” Welcome to Late Capitalism. “Meritocracy traps entire generations inside demeaning fears and inauthentic ambitions: always hungry but never finding, or even knowing, the right food.” Oh hey, it’s me!

DC was incredible. I had a blast. I made great friends. New career pathways opened before me. My ambition expanded. I’ve always been a smart kid, and lately the dividends of that intellect have started to increase. My self as an investment: a lot of human capital here. (David, are you looking to hire a rising intellectual?) But 60 hour work weeks? No. Forget it.

Wait, just kidding. Because as much as I fear that kind of meritocratic nose-to-the-grindstone neoliberal slavery, I’ve been conditioned well. Plateauing feels like death. Settling for less than just doesn’t seem like a viable option. And then there’s all the Christian guilt: the “wake up the world” (university motto) or even better, the “with gifting comes responsibility” - in Latin of course, on the seal of the honors college I graduated from - summa cum laude, of course. (Speaking of Latin, in the aristocratic model of yesteryear, your station in life freed you from the pressures. In contrast, meritocracy is like rock climbing without a harness.) And on top of all of that is morbid curiosity: I haven’t topped out yet...haven’t reached the terminal point of my own potentiality, haven’t stepped into a room where I felt like my intellect was noticeably dwarfed. Why not keeping pushing? Who knows where the limit is: university president? TED speaker? leader of the free world? (The Freudian reading of this is something about the quest for immortality, the desire to put one’s mark on history or whatever.)

Anyway, amidst all of this, I’m thinking about the other Brooks who spoke to us this summer, Arthur Brooks - another middle-aged white man who, until quite recently, was president of yet another thinktank. Arthur’s view is similar to David’s, namely that a life spent in pursuit of this kind of elite status through excessive work habits is just not worth it, and won’t be fulfilling in life later on. Arthur points out that if you value your life on the basis of what you’re capable of at 25, you’re gonna be really depressed when you’re 60 and far less capable.

I think that Brooks and Brooks get a lot right. But then again, “if you don’t get a head-start in your 20s,” etc. No, Brooks and Brooks are right: meritocracy is a trap. Anyway, I look forward to relaying this crucial piece of advice to the next generation of depressed whiz kids in twenty years, when I’m president of Arthur’s think-tank.

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conners-clinic · 4 years

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A patient recently submitted the following question:

One of the main things I am struggling with is my decision not to do chemo.

I am not against chemo and radiation and I feel like it has a time and place. If I can heal my cancer without it I would like to. However, if the majority of people with my type of cancer can’t heal without it then maybe I should go forward with it.

Am I doing the right thing?

This is such a tough dilemma, I can understand the ever-present fears associated with a decision like this and I can understand that deep desire to erase any “what if’s” from one’s mind and heart.

Although I do not have the legal right to tell a patient to do or not to do chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, prescription medications or any other form of western medical intervention, what I can do is provide patients a breakdown for deductive reasoning, that they might reach a place where they can make confident decisions for themselves.

The following is a list of steps I’ve encouraged patients to take as they decide whether adding _______ (insert chosen therapy) is right for them.

Step 1. Assess Your Current Symptoms and State-of-Health

Are my symptoms consistently worsening, even with everything I am currently doing to support my immune system?

If my symptoms are worsening, how rapid are the changes?

If my symptoms are not worsening, do I still have fears/concerns with holding “stasis” in this state-of-health?

Do my scans & labs confirm my current symptoms or is what I’m physically experiencing in-contradiction to the trending results?

Do I have quality-of-life?

Step 2. Assess Your Current Protocol

Have I reached a plateau with what I can currently do ‘naturally’ to support my immune system?

Am I interested in or even capable of adding in more alternative therapies to my current protocol?

Is there another alternative clinic/practitioner that I might benefit from consulting with?

Do I have more time in my day/week to add more alternative therapies?

Do I have the financial capacity to support a continued expansion of out-of-pocket expenses?

Am I reaching a place of mental/spiritual burnout or overwhelm in my current regimen?

Step 3. Know the Facts

How does my type/stage/grade of cancer typically respond to traditional therapies?

What does the research say?

What are the 5-year survival rates?

What is a detailed breakdown of the recommended protocol {s}: drug names, # of infusions/treatments, time-span between each infusion/treatment

Does the suggested protocol seem reasonable, taking into account my needs as an individual?

What are the expected effects {including side-effects} of those treatments?

Step 4. Address “Side” Effects Head-On

Am I willing to risk experiencing all of the potential side effects {even those listed as rare}?

How does my body currently handle modern medical interventions?

How do I currently tolerate chemical exposures: am I sensitive to them or do I not notice any difference?

What does my genetic report say about my methylation pathways, specifically my detoxification genes?

Am I willing to adjust/add to my current therapy regimen to accommodate additional support in light of potential side effects?

Step 5. Consider Your Support System

Am I experiencing pressure or encouragement/support from others?

If I am experiencing pressure, what is their motive {whether intentional or unintentional}? Is it fear? Love? The desire to have their way? Is their pressure founded in research-supported wisdom?

Walk through all individuals who currently bear influence in your life: spouse, oncologist, primary care practitioner, immediate/extended family, friends, spiritual community, coworkers, etc.

If at any point in the future I decide to change course, will I continue to be supported in my decisions?

Step 6. Finding Peace

Where is my current state of mental health at?

Do I have more peace if I DON’T or if I DO pursue Western Medical Treatments? There is a major difference!!

Not every question listed above needs to be answered before a person might reach a final decision and choose which way to go. Some people might only need to ask themselves the very first question: Are my symptoms consistently worsening, even with everything I am currently doing to support my immune system? For others, it might take many more questions and conversations to reach that place.

Take an appropriate amount of time, seek wisdom from a multitude of counselors, and make your decision based upon that wisdom and the peace you experience as a result.

For a more detailed explanation of these steps/questions, you can watch the video presentation here:

Michelle Hamburger, Clinical Kinesiologist, CNHP

Michelle Hamburger is the Lead Practitioner and Clinical Kinesiologist for Conners Clinic, trained by apprenticeship under Dr. Conners since 2010. Michelle developed and directs CC’s distance care program, traveling the U.S. to bring alternative services directly to patients. She is a graduate of Trinity International University with a degree in Social Sciences, emphasis on psychology, sociology and health. She is completing her Naturopathic degree, her AMA Fellowship in Integrative Cancer Therapy, Methyl Genetic Nutrition certification.

via News

#IFTTT #News

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yogaadvise · 7 years

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Ritual Inspiration: Alex Auder

In the very early 90s yoga in New york city City was considered edge. Neither the hip progressive neither those in the corporate world were interested in wellness techniques, and also they absolutely weren't shouting to Hindu deities. However Alex Auder-who 'd matured in the 70s and 80s in the Chelsea Hotel, as well as had actually circumnavigated with her mother, a Warhol superstar with a propensity for adventure, known by her high-frequency spiritual energy-was. At 17, Auder began practicing at the freshly formed Jivamukti Yoga exercise Institution in the East Town in New york city City, where dancers, designs, as well as hippies alike involved learn yoga exercise from the studio's co-founders, Sharon Gannon and David Life.

After a hiatus from the technique, while at Bard College in upstate New york city, Auder returned to the city in 1994.' I was very clinically depressed, pointless, and also had no concept what to do with my life. Then someday, I suddenly kept in mind yoga. I went straight back to Jivamukti.' Over the next 2 years, Auder came to be an educator at Jivamukti, opened her own workshop, currently called the Satya Yoga Facility in Rhinebeck, New york city, and at some point came to be an elderly educator at one of New york city's premier yoga exercise workshops, Kula Yoga. She took place to run her own boutique studio out of her West Town house prior to relocating to Philly in 2015 with her partner and 2 youngsters, where she opened up the Magu Yoga exercise School in Mount Airy.

Auder's training design is affected by numerous yoga exercise designs suching as Iyengar, Kula, Katonah, as well as Jivamukti. 'I discover it difficult to dedicate to one type,' she states, acknowledging the means the technique and the practice of mentor modifications as we correct time. A longtime trainee of Advaita Vedanta, an arm of Hindu ideology that highlights non-dualism as well as liberation in this lifetime, Auder is an intellectual who perfectly weaves viewpoint right into her classes, which are also very in harmony with the refined motions of the musculature of the body. Auder is a real master teacher-one who comprehends the essence of yoga exercise and also could unbelievely share that significance to students of all levels via her passion and also proficient feeling of touch.

Here, the self-styling non-conformist shares some details about her individual trip, method, rituals (or do not have thereof), as well as the methods which her deep study of viewpoint has actually affected her life.

What initially drew you to the practice?

One could claim that-in my unconscious memory-it was my mommy that attracted me to the technique, as she was, for a short time, an adherent of Muktananda, [the Siddha yoga expert] It was the 70's in California, and also my mother was spending time at his ashram, having all kinds of overjoyed experiences.

In my grown-up life she informed me that she really got stuck at the ashram and also wished to leave, but each time she got to the front door, she would certainly be overtaken by a magical pressure and just couldn't go. At some point my mother told Muktananda that she had a daughter she needed to return to, to which Mutkananda responded, 'Bring her to me.' Certainly these stories get moved, however I do keep in mind strolling up with my mama as well as meeting Muktananda. That was my initial intro to a widely approved guru.

And after that over the years I would certainly go with my mom to see Gurumayi whenever she 'd come into the city, and we would certainly play kirtan [ religious songs] at house, and also mom would certainly meditate. I never ever remember my mommy doing real asana, however I do remember her resting cross-legged as well as obtaining this small amount, jiggly quivery thing ... and I would imitate her doing that.

When did you obtain your very first intro to the asana practice?

My good friend Lynn Appel stated to me someday, 'You've obtained to have me to Jivamukti.' I have no idea why she believed I would certainly like it, yet she brought me to Sharon Gannon's class on Secondly Method in between Ninth as well as Tenth. As well as I liked it immediately.

I have no idea how Lynn knew I would certainly like it, because I was long over ballet, which I had done as a little girl, yet I was truly multi-levels wowed. The physicality wowed me as well as I was always very normally adaptable, but I hadn't been doing any type of sort of technique. When I saw people do full onward folds up, I was like, 'Wow! How are those individuals doing that?' But it wasn't just that! Sharon's dharma talks, as well as the songs, also: I'm obsessed with Bob Dylan, as well as she was playing Bob Dylan. The means she presented herself, her appeal, but likewise her not-typical-at-that-time-yoga-aesthetic. She had long hair and black eyeliner and also she was so ... Lower East Side. At that time, in the very early 90s, that design was so particular as well as new. We all complied with in her footprints, grew our hair long and also used 2 braids.

When did you initially begin teaching?

I started messing around at university, in the Bard gym, just doing my very own practice. Buddies saw me, and would ask me exactly what I was doing. Eventually I just said, 'I'll reveal you.' And also I started doing a really casual class, the type of point where I would certainly reveal them exactly what to do, yet we would certainly all do it together. And after that someone resembled, 'You ought to educate this at the Bard health club.' And also I believed, 'All right, exactly what the heck? They could have this together with aerobics.'

Long tale short, after instructing there for some time, my hubby (partner at the time) Nick said, 'You know there's this structure for rental fee around the bend near Bard. You need to simply rent out that and also you ought to do classes below.' So I called Sharon Gannon, and I stated, 'I'm considering mentor. Would you be eager ahead up right here and observe my course and offer me your true blessing?' So she and also David came upstate, and oh my God, never ever been so worried. I actually nearly really feel pale considering it currently I was so nervous!

They slept over in this funny little residence that I was leasing at the time, and over dinner, she analyzed my course, and claimed that she really felt like I had actually heard what I had been examining with her and that she concurred with my teaching, as well as offered me her true blessing. I would certainly decrease to the city and also teach at Jivamukti once a week.

How would certainly you explain your style of mentor now? And also exactly how has it altered over time?

I would certainly so love-and also most likely hate-to have a video clip of how I showed at that time 'cause I'm really interested to understand how various it was. Maybe it was much better! I would certainly claim that my style has altered so much since of training at Kula Yoga exercise in New york city City for all those years. I trained myself to come to be pretty versatile, so for instance when I instructed briefly at YogaWorks, my mentor was much more in their style. Today, my style is physically like a virtually meta-version of a Kula class because it introduces a series with numerous variations, but unlike at Kula, sometimes I don't finish up moving via the sequence.

These days, due to my very own injuries and also what I have actually observed over the past Two Decade of bodies, I'm interested in just what I'll call structural alignment-which I understand is filled word. Because we remain in the globe of Vinyasa yoga exercise, as well as there are particular stances that we understand are duplicated over and over again-Chataranga, Higher Pet, as well as whole lots of different changes, with so much lunging, and so much action where we move from open-hip to close-hip-and additionally due to the fact that so numerous very adaptable ladies are drawn in to the technique, I've ended up being curious about exactly how we can preform these normal transitions while preserving stability in our joints. Component of that, ultimately, is holding individuals back from what they usually want to, which allows sensation. And so I attempt to delicately, however continually, coax students from the obsession to really feel a lot, and also rather tune into the nuance. My style remains in some ways extremely advanced since what I ask of my trainees is to relocate a lot more from the bones and also less from the fuel of the muscles without the trainees going slack.

I take pleasure in training 'progressed' students that have actually plateaued or have had their patterns established - and together we relocate right into a new place and point of view. And through this, I see how my concept of just what's advanced has changed greatly over time.

Have there been any kind of advancement or zero hours in your teaching? Like an, 'Aha!' minute that's shifted the means you approach the practice of teaching?

Before I had my initial youngster, I had actually not been introduced to what I think is currently really accepted as-integrating core work into a method. I had a teacher who showed at my workshop in upstate who would certainly typically say, 'As well as currently we do abs.' And I would certainly always roll my eyes and also think how foolish and also 'L.A.' it was. Yet individuals loved it, so I just thought 'whatever, if it works for you ...' And then when I transferred to L.A. briefly, I discovered everyone did this core work and also I just assumed, somehow it simply felt like stupid conditioning modern exercise world. Therefore I was really mobile as well as never ever truly had standard core strength.

When I ultimately reached Kula in 2006, and also started mosting likely to Schuyler [Grant]'s classes and also started educating there, it completely kicked my evaluate. It was truly the very first time my eyes were open to just what I'm calling the contemporary Vinyasa world, where individuals are drifting as well as piking and doing handstands. I became extremely curious about that, because it was so beyond my abilities. This was my initial 'Aha!' minute. Realizing that there was a lot more to the technique than the asana that had come so quickly to me due to my flexibility.

The second was fulfilling Nevine Michaan. Besides simply for approaching placement in a brand-new method, I was so moved by a lady who entirely had the info she had examined throughout the years. She had taken this info, absorbed it, made it her own, as well as had no apologies. My doubters would certainly often inform me that I claim method way too much while I show, however after discovering from Nevine's teaching, I decided I would permit myself to own my very own dialogue, own the information I desire to pass on, as well as I am not mosting likely to keep aiming to please my movie critics, or shift the method I show to please others. I am going to teach what I believe in, just what I recognize has actually worked for me, actually own this persona, and also not stress if I do not appeal to every person. My courses are smaller due to this, however I in fact favor it by doing this since I could actually instruct the individual bodies. That was a huge shift.

The third shift came during my current move to Philly. In opening my own area, I've been drawing back from just what was required of me as an instructor at Kula. Currently I think a great deal concerning my hip labrum injury, as well as what I could state and also educate in order to help my pupils reinforce and also elongate in order to stay clear of injury. My mentor currently is a real blend of all the various types, as well as I've come to be far more available to discarding exactly what I understand doesn't help me or my method any longer. Currently that I have my very own workshop, I simply do exactly what I intend to do, and exactly what I believe is healthy for the students.

The very first time that I took your course, I was so moved by the complexity of the architectural alignment as well as after that the insanely eloquent, beautiful tapestry of thoughtful assimilation that occurred at the end of class. I was relocated by it in a method that I have hardly ever other times been moved. And also as a yogi that is additionally extremely curious about piking up into handstands, I wonder to hear just how you see the link in between piking handstands as well as the yogic quest bordering satchitananda (our capacity to experience the best unvarying truth of this reality).

I would certainly state the pike up has possibly absolutely nothing to do with satchitananda, to be fairly sincere. I feel rather sure it has nothing to do with it since we certainly know plenty of people that can pike up and are overall assholes. And also we understand plenty people that pike up and also are impressive people. And also a lot of people who are incredible experts as well as amazing people, and when I say fantastic people, I mean are using the methods to their mundane, rote day-to-day live, which to me shows that the techniques are occurring or that it's not just when you're showing as well as in the yoga exercise space, which I fail at 800 times a day.

It is possible that the only element of the pike up that links it to satchitananda, and I don't speak for anyone else, simply my own personal practice-is that when you feel your very own internal structural integration, it is a little bit simpler, a little bit I claim, like truly a small little bit less complicated to attach to equipoise in the state of problem, which is quite a lot at all times. I would say that everything is always a bit in a state of conflict of every person's own minds interacting with each various other and the characteristics of the home are so mercurial as well as moving with everyone's emotions, specifically as you add individuals into a household.

That's when the practices obtain used. Exactly how can you preserve equipoise in the problem of dynamics moving constantly? So I want to claim that, yet I truthfully do not know if it holds true. I truthfully do not know if acquiring the skills of a pike up help with that in any means. For me, truly, it's as easy and also as shallow as just feeling good literally. But for somebody who naturally does pike ups, I would claim that for them, it may be another thing. As a non-natural piker-upper, acquiring the skills to obtain me to pike up helped me really feel more literally protected as a result of just what it needs me to do in my core.

What aspects of yogic philosophy do you locate most intriguing? What texts and also lessons do you most return to?

I constantly go back to extremely basic shlokas [verses], like rested tab ananda, which is just what I typically use in course, due to the fact that it's easy and to me, I intend to be able to use it to visceral physicality. To make sure that's kind of the video game I constantly play with myself. 'Exactly how do I take this shloka and use it to just what we are experiencing as hatha yogis in a really sensible means as well as extremely practical?'

What other habits notify your life and also your practice, besides yoga exercise, if any?

In answering this inquiry, there is a great deal of me that doesn't wish to belong of this Facebook-era glorification of placing our 'perfect lives' on display. But with all of that stated, I actually am additionally an extremely non-ritual person. I have very inadequate hygiene. I just take a shower a couple times a week. I don't shave my hair-my legs or my armpits. I find it extremely challenging to do any type of self-maintenance as well as I'm not attempting to state, 'Poor me,' yet with both kids and also business as well as the husband, as well as not having a great deal of money ... I frequently don't even brush my teeth. If I brush my teeth twice a day I believe, 'Remarkable!'

In New York, I took courses frequently as well as after moving and also opening Magu I have actually not yet found a regular- I really feel fortunate if I find the space to meditate and take a course at my very own place. This may just be the result of having actually never ever been really regular concerning anything-another result of my weird/outlier childhood years and expanding up in a house where consistency was not respected at all. I can obtain really down on myself as well as my method, yet my husband will certainly claim, 'That's insane. You have actually had a yoga exercise method for 20 years.' My instructor Nevine constantly says to me, 'You are a mommy of kids. You can not have a constant technique. Go stroll with your husband-that's your technique.' That makes me really feel better.

Do you really feel that raising your kids is a yoga exercise for you?

Yes, other than that it's a feeling of consistent failure due to the fact that the minute that traits get heated up is the minute where you feel the practice dissolving. Which on some level, is where there I locate ritual-I fess up to that failure as well as try to come back on track every single time. To acknowledge, I'm not a best individual undoubtedly, I've not kept my equipoise in this minute. How could I bolster myself somehow or an additional to obtain back there or to try once more the following time?

When you have a companion, oh my God, it's so tough because you're taking care of their feelings also. And I could have an entire idea in my head, 'This is how I am today. I'm actually not going to shed my cool. I'm going to be completely non-defensive. I'm mosting likely to accept all the different complicated emotions of the various other's that provide to me.' As well as after that I stroll right into the house as well as that's gone.

For me, mothering and also being a better half is a yoga method in the method that I could truly be providing love. The foundation of the practice is to be at risk, to be able to provide love when faced with problem, not take scenario also personally. I have actually become really utilized to having my defenses on due to the fact that of the person that raised me and because of this, it's truly difficult for me to reveal susceptability. It's very easy for me to articulate that in the class, however in just the affection of residence, it's really hard for me.

How do you connect to Bhakti (the technique of dedication), and also is it a huge component of your yoga practice?

I actually think at heart I am a Bhakti yogi. If I hadn't end up being a mommy as well as a homeowner, I 'd most likely be some crazy Bhakti someplace in the wilderness.

There was a period where I nearly came to be a total Krishna Das fan. Back then, prior to he got famous, I was close with him, as well as we would certainly increase to Ananda Ashram, and also there would be only 10 of us, and we would certainly chant to Krishna all day long. That, I have to claim, is my dream. If I could return and also do it that way I would, yet see I don't like it with all the hundreds of individuals. I guess my genuine trouble is that it frustrates me when traits become mainstream. It's truly dumb, I must still go offer myself the experience, but it simply aggravates me so much. And that's my trouble. I think it's partly because of the method I grew up.

I would like to go find a root right into Kirtan as well as Bhakti, due to the fact that I do not really have that very much any longer, with the exception of when I shout for course, or if another person does. Oh my God, when anyone else chants, I resemble, 'Oh please! Yes!!' I'll begin crying. 'Hare Krishna!'

The various other component of this is that I have a very practical, essential side that maintains me very intellectual. I do not suggest that being a Bhakti yogi isn't intellectual. But, there is some feeling that the crucial mind, viveka, is moistened a small amount bit in the complete Bhakti encounter, which can be a fantastic, freeing minute. We need that to free ourselves from the dogma of thought flow, yet I additionally delight in the dogma of idea flow.

So my heart is Bhakti, yet my mind is a lot more Vedanta.

If someone only had five minutes a day to devote to a practice, exactly what would you encourage they do?

Find a way to connect to the breath that assists you really feel embodied. In such a way, that's exactly what we're all looking for regardless of exactly how newbie and just how advanced we are. And I would certainly claim the advanced we obtain, the even more symbolized we feel.

To me the advanced practice is the sensation of complete embodiment and a capacity to release the 'efforting,' so we locate simple and easy initiative: poise. The act of meditation-whatever forms it takes-with the body grounded and the breath being found, is exactly how we find grace and also embodiment. That is absolutely possible to do in five minutes with breath as well as tranquility. Physical tranquility, focus on the breath, working out into the witness mind: these techniques can generate the effective as well as calming experience of embodiment.

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fotium · 4 years

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14 Tips: How to Master LASTING LONGER in Bed – For MEN

Lasting longer in bed doesn’t have to be this impossible feat or this thing that puts even more pressure on your performance. It can be achieved by implementing some subtle things into your life (even beyond the bedroom) that can help you last longer and experience more fulfilling sex.

14 Tips: How to Lasting Longer in Bed - For Men

1. Sex doesn’t just mean penetration.

First of all, we can clarify this: sex doesn’t just mean penetration. Yes, penetrative intercourse is important and often how you end up – but foreplay is oh-so-important for both men and women.

Foreplay is both a physical and oftentimes emotional need – it helps us prepare our bodies and minds for sex. Many people need intimacy, connection or some kind of arousal in order to get in the mood for sex, and foreplay is helpful in adding lubrication to the vagina, which is super important for comfortable (and feel-good) lasting longer sex.

Kvjetinkatea by Fotium

2. Masturbation might help you last longer.

While there is no definitive proof this works, many sex experts suggest that masturbation can lead to longer sexual endurance times.

Dr. Evan Goldstein explains in this issue of Men’s Health: “Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged. If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take longer to climax.”

Of course, you want to make sure the timing isn’t too close together, as it can become difficult for men to climax twice so close together. Depending on how quickly your body “bounces back”, you could masturbate anywhere from the night before to a few hours before your sexual intercourse with a partner in the hopes of improving your endurance during sex.

Tomanova.milada by Fotium

3. Speaking of “bounce back” times...get to know your refractory period.

What is that? Well, a refractory period is essentially the time after you climax until you feel able and ready to climax again. Everyone has a refractory period, it’s part of the four stages of sexual response (excitement, plateau, orgasm and refractory).

The timing for this cycle is what varies from person to person, and getting to know your own timing can help you take advantage of the refractory period, timing your masturbation and/or sexual activity for a time when you know you will be aroused and be able to lasting longer.

Dopex0 X Mallghareth_if by Fotium

4. Talk about it with your partner.

Having open and honest conversations with your partner(s) about sexual satisfaction can feel very intimidating. Of course, you want to know you’re performing well and you likely want your partner to be happy with the sex you’re having together – and if they aren’t, this can be a bit of a blow to your self-esteem.

But trust me when I say that women will find your effort and openness to be extremely attractive. If you are genuinely interested in her pleasure, this is a huge turn-on for us and you can work together with her to ensure you are both satisfied.

Elena_yasinskaya_art by Fotium

5. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself...sex is supposed to be fun.

The more you worry, the harder it will be (bad pun intended) to keep an erection and sexually satisfy your partner – this is often referred to as performance anxiety.

Performance anxiety is typically caused by negative thoughts about your ability to perform well during sex. These negative thoughts can trigger your body’s stress response which makes it difficult to achieve and maintain an erection.

Some things you can do to lessen lasting longer performance anxiety are:

Focus more on feeling (sensual touch, physical arousal) than on your thoughts.

Be open about your sex life with your sexual partner(s) and/or consider speaking with a therapist about your performance anxiety.

Distract yourself – put on a steamy movie for Netflix & Chill with your lover, listen to music as you engage in foreplay, etc.

Antanina_satsuk by Fotium

6. There are toys for that.

As with most things, there’s a toy that can help. While introducing sex toys into your sex life can feel a bit daunting (especially if you already feel stressed about your lasting longer performance), there are actually sex toys that are designed to prolong and enhance pleasure for everyone involved.

Cock rings: in case you didn’t know, a cock ring is a ring (of course) that is worn around the base of your penis that works to make your erection harder and last longer.

Usually made of flexible silicone or rubber, a cock ring essentially lessens the blood flow to your manhood. You will still get an erection, blood will still be flowing – but just not as much as quickly, meaning it’s more of an even standoff rather than a quick-draw (if you catch my drift.)

Not only will wearing a cock-ring prolong your erection but it can also cause increased sensitivity, which can make everything more pleasurable for you. A bonus? You can purchase vibrating cock rings that add a little extra clitoral stimulation for a female partner.

Devilesu by Fotium

7. Focus on her pleasure (make her orgasm first).

Something that can help get you out of your own head is not only focusing on the physical sensations you’re feeling but focusing on what your partner is feeling. Focusing on your lover’s satisfaction can help you remain focused and dedicated to helping her achieve orgasm as well.

Honing in on her breathing, her sounds, her movements – all of this can work as wonderful distractions, making you worry less about performing and allowing yourself to lasting longer.

Dope0x0 X Devilesu by Fotium

8. Edging is all the rage these days.

Edging is essentially bringing yourself super close to climax (to the edge, you might say) and then deliberately delaying your orgasm. This constant build up and then pause of tension can be a great way to extend your masturbation or intercourse time.

Typically, you do what you do (as you normally would) until you’re close to climax, and then you stop (maybe for a minute, maybe only for a few seconds). This allows your body time to slow down and regain some stamina.

The great thing about edging is that you can do this without necessarily making it super obvious by going at it until the going gets (almost) too good, and then suggesting a position change or stopping to put on a condom. This allows you to slow things down without actually telling your partner you need to slow things down and lasting longer.

Of course, communicating with your partner should always be number one, and telling them you want to slow down should never feel awkward. However, with some situations, all you need are those extra few seconds of position changing or the opening of a condom wrapper to regain the time and energy you need.

Katakozakova by Fotium

9. Speaking of condoms...using a condom can also help.

While condoms may get a bad wrap (bad pun intended, sorry – I couldn’t resist), they are good for more than just protecting against STIs and unplanned pregnancies…they can also help you slow things down a bit, allowing more time for pleasure.

Condoms create an extra “layer” of separation between you and your partner, oftentimes causing the feel-good sensation to feel, well, a little less. You can still have great sex with a condom on and delay your orgasm just long enough for you both to have a great time.

Dope0x0 X Lilianapaws by Fotium

10. Start with simple sex positions and slowly graduate to deeper penetration positions.

Not only will the time between sex positions help you lasting longer, but the actual positions you choose can also help.

Spooning

You both lay on your sides, facing the same direction – your pelvis should be a bit lower than hers. As she bends forward at the hip, you can guide yourself into her. Some lube will make this process really easy and this particular position still feels great (and really sensual) without involving deep penetration which often leads to climax faster.

Side-by-side

This position is similar to spooning but instead of facing away from each other, you face towards each other. The woman lifts her leg over the man’s hip and you get into a position that feels comfortable. Together you can rock and grind your way to sensual bliss.

Sitting on a chair.

It’s simple: you sit on a chair and she rides you. She can either face away from you (as if she’s giving you a lap dance) or she can straddle you with you both facing the same direction. This position is great because it’s super sexy but also allows for little “breaks” during which she can tease you, you can switch places to perform oral sex on her…really, anything is possible here.

Suee_joker_boss_queen by Fotium

11. Manage your breathing.

While most people don’t associate sex with being a mindful experience, it really can be. Incorporating any kind of mindfulness into your sex life (erotic hypnosis, breathing exercises, etc) can transform a regular Tuesday night into a spiritual, sexual, sensual evening of awakening…oh – and it can help you lasting longer.

According to GQ magazine, deep breathing during sex (breathing in for 8 seconds and out for 6) can help release a bit of the tension you’re feeling down there and delay your ejaculatory reflex. Not to mention breathing through orgasms makes things feel oh-so-good.

Annaaksturk by Fotium

12. The power of exercise.

Kegel exercise, that is.

Men’s Health UK explains the results of two different studies: in one study, 75% of men improved erectile dysfunction after doing Kegels and in the other study, 61% of men were cured of premature ejaculation through kegel exercises.

If you aren’t familiar with Kegels, ask your wife or girlfriend – she will know! Kegel exercises are essentially a workout out of your PC (pubococcygeal) muscles. In other words, your pelvic floor muscles. If you’re interested, this is a great explainer piece on how to properly do kegel exercises.

Vermilion__k by Fotium

13. A good meal makes all the difference.

Did you know what you eat impacts how long you can last in bed? HealthLine has a great article on what to do (and what kind of exercises to do) to increase sexual stamina – but I will outline a few here.

Capsaicin. This is found in chili peppers, sweet peppers, and ginger root.

Potassium. One of the body’s most important electrolytes can be found in bananas, cantaloupe, spinach, broccoli, and potatoes.

Complex carbohydrates. Simple carbs (bread and pasta, for example) are total stamina killers. Complex carbs, on the other hand, help give your body long-lasting energy. Complex carbs are things like oatmeal, yams, sweet potatoes, whole wheat bread, brown rice, quinoa, corn, and peas.

Protein. Protein is a great source of long-lasting energy because it takes your body longer to break it down than say typical carbs. Protein can be found in nuts, tofu, eggs, lean red meat, chicken, fish, and some dairy products (like yogurt and cheese).

Along with this list of food to eat, there are also specific nutrients men in particular need to build up sexual stamina, and these include things like L-citrulline (which can be found in watermelon, onions, and dark chocolate), L-arginine (which can be found in red meat, fish and whole grains) and Nitrates, which can be found in carrots, eggplant, celery, and arugula.

Kelsey_biach by Fotium

14. The “squeeze” technique people swear by.

Alright, hearing the word “squeeze” when it comes to your manhood might make you tense up a bit – but don’t worry, this doesn’t hurt at all.

According to HealthLine, how this works is that when the going gets good and you feel as though you’re about to cum, stop what you’re doing and squeeze the end of your penis (the area where the head meets the shaft). Your grip should be firm but not too firm (obviously) and the sensation of climax should roll past you so you can continue.

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