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strafepanzer · 9 months

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tiny tiny drabble under the cut. implications of suicidal thoughts, and mentions of suguru and his death.

You wonder if Satoru’s eyes are rimmed red beneath those glasses, but you’re too choked up to ask.

Instead, you place your hand on his, wrap your fingers around his own where they clutch at his seat. He doesn’t acknowledge you, but he doesn’t take his hand away either, just sits. Sits and stares.

The view is beautiful— the sun about to set for the day, painting the sky in oranges and pinks and blues— the wind lightly tousling his hair, giving what’s left of the suns rays the chance to dance through those white locks. But you don’t stare; you can’t.

Your eyes glass up again, and you blink away tears. The ache in your chest burns the more you think, the more you remember why you’re up here, why he’s here with you.

“What were you gonna do up here?” His voice is cool, not quite cold, but icy enough to make your heart sink.

Guilt has you retracting your hand, tucking it between your thighs, trying to suppress a shiver. “Nothing. I was just… nothing.” You land on, eyes finding your shoes.

Satoru stands, shoves his hands in his pockets, refuses to look at you. “It’s hard, isn’t it?” He muses, moreso to himself as he approaches the edge of the roof with long, slow strides. His hair whips as he bends over the railing. His lips move but you can’t hear what he says.

Were you going to jump? The though has you scared, has you clenching your jaw and sniffling, wiping tears on the sleeve of your sweater.

It’s selfish of you to even think it, to even entertain the notion. You can’t do it. You can’t leave Satoru after he went through the painstaking ordeal of saving you from Kenjaku, after he spent all of his time convincing the higher ups that you’re friend not foe. After vouching for you.

But he’s not a replacement for Suguru.

And neither are you.

“We’ve been through this,” he’s saying, voice carrying over the wind, arms splayed melodramatically. “He was never Suguru! I thought you understood that?”

His audacity has you prickling. “I do! Does that not make it worse?” You yell back, your tears flowing again. Anger and sadness and remorse. “I did all of those bad things! I was a pawn! Nothing else!”

“He would never have wanted you to do that—“

“I know!”

“So think! Why would he want you to join him in the afterlife?”

You hiss in a breath of air, taken aback. He stands before you, bent at the waist to look at you nose to nose.

“It might be cruel, but it’s right.” He says coldly.

Your heart stutters and you bite your bottom lip so hard you taste copper. He stands up straight, folds his arms, waiting.

Always waiting. Always two steps ahead.

It was stupid to think he’d even let you get near the ledge.

“You’re just upset because you can’t do it. You can’t join him where he is. Gojo Satoru can’t die.” You choke out.

He thinks on your words, processes them slowly before crouching at your feet, taking off his glasses. “I don’t want to die, and neither do you.” He says, a hand on your knee, face neutral, those ethereal eyes of his a shifting cerulean. “We have so much life left, and the real Suguru would want us to live. All he wanted… was for us to live.”

You throw yourself at him and he catches you, falling back on his ass and cradling you in his arms. “I don’t feel… like I’m living.”

“I know.”

“I don’t wanna feel like this.”

“I know.” He repeats, smoothing your hair with a hand. “I know.”

You stay like that for an eternity, holding each other close, unwilling to let go. Minds race and tears fall, soaking his shirt, while your fingers grip onto him for dear life.

When you finally calm yourself and look up at him, Satoru’s eyes are red around the edges.

#gojo x reader #tw grief #I HAVE SO MANY THOIGHTS AND FEELINGS THAT ARE NOT CONVEYED HERE #but I will elaborate in the future probably #maybe ahsjdjks

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juniperleafdelivery · 3 years

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I remember on one of your first posts about Holy you mentioned a possible human form. Have you decided to give them one? And if so, what details would you like to share about it?

* I’m not 100% sure if I want to give Holy a human form… but if Holy did have a human form, they’d probably look like the sketch above ^^

* He looks more like a winged anon than a human actually, especially with a simpler body and the no neck thing lol

* If he does end up with an anon form, Holy would be able to switch between cat form and this one

#…suddenly smacked with inspiration #about why Holy has a human/anon form and a cat form #shapeshifting cat demon?? maybe??#ahsjdjk that’s something i need to figure out later #asks #1-800-roflmao #holy #my art #:3!!

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