A big thank you to my mutuals who like my nervous breakdown 2-4am posts. You're the backbone of my blog

hm. time to psychoanalyze myself i think. cw traumadumping cw long ass post cw oversharing 😭

the srs cws are talk of sex and stuff but in a sad way not a horny way, sa, men on the internet being gross, bad coping mechanisms, etc

like. idk. i was thinking abt this last night and now im thinking abt it more and like. i feel like. the way i appear in headspace and stuff is just. completely based after. OH MY GOD SOFT BOY CAME OUT? um. sorry it just came on shuffle. ANYWAY. 😭. i feel like how i appear and everything is just based off of like our brain trying to be attractive to- well men mostly. other genders nd stuff but mostly men Specifically cis men. and like. literally none of us actively want to have cis (esp cishet) men attracted to us ❤️. but its like, i know Why like i know its cuz one of my roles is a sexual alter and our brain made us appear the way we do in headspace as part of it trying to keep us safe etcetc WHATEVER i dont care 🫶. like. i literally even- like for instance when we were dating our ex i remember trying to like. be attractive to her and make her like me/us even tho like. i was uncomfortable as fuck and like. i did the same with redacted from irl and just didnt set boundaries at all- no thats not true we definitely did set boundaries. i was just bad at enforcing them- i guess cuz i was like. idk completely lost in this mindset of like, not being able to say no and not feeling safe and feeling like it was my only purpose inguess?

and then like- i also feel like. imean i dont really get the love languages thing but if i had to pick one it would definitsly be words of affirmation and like- i feel like. okay 😭. im not a good person by. whoever the fuck uhh. pat the bunny i think? plays in the background. like for years and by for years i mean ever since 4 days after i turned 18. my thing had been like. posting on reddit . in various subreddits that like, Well the men in them are not very nice to me or to women . and like. i feel like that ties back to the words of affirmation thing cuz i was like intentionally seeking out people who would hurt me (<- which also ties into being a persecutor). and i dont do it anymore because months in the getalong shirt with nik made me feel bad abt it 😭 and then i started to realize that i like when people are nice to me actually. and then i was like Huh maybe tjats not super healthy for me probably. (it is not). well and thats the reason im banned (by nik) from reddit and sex with cis people forever.

but like. 😭 SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. writing a damn novel here. ANYWAYYYY. the whole posting images on reddit dot com -> talk to creepy men on reddit dot com -> intense self hatred and shame -> nik fronts and freaks out and deletes everything -> i feel bad -> i do it again next time i feel like making myself feel terrible on purpose for fun Spiral. like. ive spent all this time gojng down that spiral and now its like. bro i jusr want someone to be nice to me. like i spent ages convincing myself that actually i didnt care abt the shit those men were sayinh & that i liked it and now im like. i literally dont. like. i dont wabt someone ive never spoken to who didnt even say hi or ask what im ok with to say like. waves hand. stuff im not repeating just make up something genuinely disgusting and a bit terrifying and ive probably heard it. and now i dont even KNOW like. what i want i guess. idek my sexuality cuz ive never bothered to think abt what i want cuz i was too focused on what people i dont like/am scared of/etc to think abt how i felt. which in retrospect. bad and scared and. etc.

anyway. idk its just dawned on me the other night how much of who i am is wrapped up in how much i want everyone to like me all thw time and also how much i dont like myself. and like im working on it. and if working on it means thinking about drm from minecraft youtube ******* ** ** ***** so be it i guess 😭. idk man if nik can read dr*amnotnap fic and call it coping i can thirstpost abt drm in my head. idk.

ig im just. now that im able to be more normal and rational and stuff im able to see like. damn i was really bad at dealing with my emotions and tried to do that in ways that were not healthy for me or anyone else. and now all my sense of. who i am is wrapped up in that i guess. which sucks. and im working on it . SLOWLY! but im working on it

tldr: damn this guy should probably talk to a therapist abt all this shouldnt he. well thats okay at least hes hot

Luka (Keldon’s bf Luka not Luka Luka 💀) changed his Insta pfp to the Joker and reposted a video of the Jake paul fight to his story….. this is absolutely the worst day of my life 😭 KELDON GET YOUR MAN I DONT LIKE THE WAY HES ACTING 😭

OKAY SO... IM GLAD AND ALSO HATE THAT U SAID THIS CUS LIKE... IM NOT TRYING TO REACH OR DIG BUT LIKE... OKAY... JUS HEAR ME OUT... THIS GOT ME A LIL MESSED UP FOR A HOT SEC HANG ON. LEMME TALK BOUT SMTHIN REAL FAST

Okay so.. keldons birthday AND the day luka got waived bcus the nba hates gay people.. keldons getting interviewed on his bday. Love that 4 him! Keldon love!

A reporter asked smthin abt keldons bday, nice small talk, happy keldon, love wins

BUT THEN someone asks how keldon feels about luka getting waived ... and you can just See in keldons face how he Really feels about it.

But he's a professional and doesn't wanna start anything so he basically said like 'things just didn't work out.. y'know?' he just really wants to move on from discussing the topic

BUT THEY KEEP ASKING!! because they did their research and SAW how close luka and keldon were and keldons just 💧💧💧 'yknow, yknow, yknow' a keldon classic fill in phrase go to.

Reporter: asks another luka question*

Keldon:

😐. his voice is naturally kinda shakey but you can really hear it kinda tremble, & it's like.. keldon.... you can just say you're sad to see him go... reporters are saying like 'you spent some time in the gleague together' and he's like 'haha yeah... we grew up with each others....' AND ITS LIKE.... KELDONN :-((((.....

reporter: do you feel like this shows how cold business can be sometimes ?

Keldon: haHah well- uh- i mean, I dunno- business is business, yknow ?

Like i Get It, you don't wanna start something ESPECIALLY with the media who take the tiniest statements and snowball them into drama (so kinda what im doin LOL bUT IM DOIN IT FOR PURELY MY OWN ANALYSIS, NOT TO RUIN OR GAIN REP) , but you shouldn't be afraid to express your feelings either !!!!! Like that's one of the things i kinda worry about keldon becoming a bigger front figure for spurs. Like YES i love him getting more attention BUT ITS LIKE... he's becoming the comical, happy go-lucky rep n that's CUTE but like... keldon.. u don't Have to be happy or funny all the time... im not saying what he presents isn't real, but he Is a pretty big showoff. Likes impressing people and keeping them happy.. i dunno.. i just want him to know he can be sad sometimes!!!! It's okay!!!!

AND THEN THE WHOLE LUKA THING... OKAY.. SO... instagram luka is. Wow. Okay.

The joker pfp change??!?? OMG... THANK U FOR TELLING ME. i don't really keep up with others social media unless i remember to check in every now n then out of curiosity, so i take ANY media updates from anyone i can Get. thank u and also ARRRGH for this info bcus... it's only adding more ideas into my head that i Do Not like....

So the joker pfp. From the newer movie joker😭😭 YIKES. Men really love turning to that for feelings ... so he in his feelings... the Jake Paul fight... im not even gonna Speak on that BUT BASICALLY... bruh turning to weird shit out of personal feelins. he wylin and keldon isn't getting him. He wylin BECAUSE keldon isn't getting him.

He just posted some will smith thing ( which is like. Don't even get me started on will idek WHATS goin on with him... ) and the video was basically will saying smthin about the road to success being a journey you have to go on alone?? And people won't believe you can do it? IDK i have bad memory but it was basically some lone wolf anguish and it's like.... yikes..

SO WHAT I MEAN IS... u got professionalism keldon and isolation luka which is Not a good combo... but an even worse cause and effect.

You got keldon in an interview trying to smile his way through tough questions about his (boy)friend getting waived and then his (boy)friend jokerfies himself and becomes obsessed with the idea of clawing your way upstream with the entire world turning against you . Like. Yikes. Yikes yikes. YKNOW cus it's not like deebos trade then kyle answering interviews with 'my friends upset so im upset.' you get... 'business is business... yknow ? '

and its not like luka got Traded, he got straight Cut. Not even trade material. while he doesn't get the inhumane feeling of only being a pawn in a giant trade game, he gets no feelings at all. Not from his team and not from keldon, not in public , anyways. And it's Understandable . But it Hurts. Because it's understandable .

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

this one for the special club of ppl who have no friends

idk abt yall but even for myself im not sure exactly how long it took me to work out that i was & had been more isolated than the avg person over my life & realizing that the feeling i had since ever being around a group of ppl (preschool) that i couldnt fit in or have more than like, one friend that was mostly defined as “wanted to actually play together at recess or smthing”, was just actually generally true. idk what it is but you know what its like when ppl have some tendency to ignore you. or quietly gain contempt for you because they think you’re weird, which i havent known to stop being true between like 10 yr olds & ppl in their 20s. when ur being talked over even in a group you’re supposed to be in and its like listen. what is going on that this happens so much

anyways when you have no friends its always wild when anyone does show up and actually act like a friend more than like once & show the slightest interest in you as a person. for me though i did have to learn to just not care as much when this happens because its like the sheer math of it all yknow. a person who is used to having like, a more avg number of friends across life is gonna make a friend and be like “oh man awesome” but on the other end of things when u have only a handful of friends and/or little access to friends &/or no close friends, getting a new friend seems way more significant because its like wow this is only 1/18 in my whole life or something. whereas for the other person you are 1/143 idek. not to say that each friend is less important to someone who has more of them. but it is less of a big deal to gain a new one, and a new person theyve just been talking to a bit IS going to be a less important friend

where this is going is just that, never having friends = everyone else being a big deal to you, but you arent a big deal 2 them....a lot of wondering why you always like ppl more than they like you. in my experience its not fun so, with the motivation to stop feeling terrible over that repeated revelation, and also figuring out that its because being so isolated / having few to no Reeeaalll Friends = valuing new friends way more than they value you, rather than just that everyone definitely hates you....i personally have tried to stop caring less about getting the opportunity to talk to new people.

thats not to say i dont enjoy it or value it or like the people i talk to.....i do enjoy it, im a social person in my own way, and i appreciate it when it happens b/c i dont consistently have conversations with anyone. i just don’t get excited abt a potential friendship or expect to ever reach what feels like a real & solid friendship w anyone. i have picked up a few ppl in the past like 5 yrs i do consider friends but its always taken a while to get there.

its kind of funny because like i said i AM kind of social & i do really care about people i get to grow a bit close to.......there is definitely plenty of ppl i dislike right away & have the opposite interest as being friends with them....but when i do like ppl, idk, i like to try to support them and be nice to them and be there for them in the usually tiny ways i can.....i love to talk to people actually. in person when im actually comfortable, i can actually come off a bit overly talkative....i can be energetic when i’m happy & i do have a lot to say about things sometimes but usually only in my head. even typing it out is difficult b/c i can only type so fast, especially with a phone. but in other situations i can have trouble actually getting my voice to come out at all, or i choose not to speak at all b/c i dont want to. or when im frustrated i dont want to talk for a moment but thats generally because there is no one around i want to talk to about it. i can talk abt something for hrs....and it is of course extra special to me b/c i dont get to be around ppl i like talking to them that often

idk and i like to do nice things for friends when i can......i dunno. i do like people. i can be pretty choosy about who i hang on to, i might only have a select group of friends even if i wasnt isolated; but still....theres a lot of people in the world. even being picky about it, you could have a huge friend group

little tangent i dont trust trying to make friends in groups at all really lol.....like even if you’re friends with someone who’s in a bigger friend group. i might cautiously give ppl a chance just b/c of the good endorsement but ive also had bad times w it. and often like, even ppl i all individually like, to be in a group w everyone is to realize that my way of socializing means im a lot of times off on the tangents and it just makes it clear that there’s a whole Thing going on in the middle that you’re not at all involved in. and then there’s ongoing Things that nobody lets you in on and its like alright i guess i’ll do my own thing that nobody’s interested in. idk and its happened that i’ll be in a group and again just like....not be even noticed physically and its like. feels great man

anyways i guess theres general things about Friendship that i feel i miss out on, on account of never experiencing it

like ive never felt like i had someone i’d tell anything to, not even collectively, like i have three Things to tell & maybe i cant tell anyone all three but i know three ppl i’d tell one of each to

ive also never quite felt like i’d always have someone to talk to just in general......or been in the situation where if i wanted to go out and do something w someone i knew i could find someone to go w me.....idk theres never been the feeling that i always had access to friends in any way. or like, ever had access to friends, most of the time at least

i also have no idea....when ppl talk about having longtime friends like known all their life im like wtf. ok. weirdo. ive had a friend for ten seconds

kind of a bummer b/c i think a lot of ppl consider College to be th easiest place to make friends...like before that you mostly have school friends and afterwards its like oh work friends but college you have a bit more mobility and different situations to meet people.....but post-college its supposedly just increasingly difficult to make new friends. and being more isolated makes it even more difficult as ppl tend to ostracize ppl for being lonely weirdos

im always lucky i get to talk on here tbh......it occurs to me it’s probably bad to feel completely unheard. because it frustrates me a lot at times to feel that way. even nowadays i dont really say anything about the stuff i think & dont ever find myself wanting to....im picky about who i really feel like having long or even short but actually genuine convos w like i said...............and idk its not that infrequent too for ppl to seem to not really care one way or the other or listen or even like it when i talk. i only wanna talk in situations i feel good talking obv lol....otherwise i’d rather stay quiet, but staying quiet is frustrating also. but i do it. but i can say things here at least even if i’m not actually talking aloud

i cant expect to ever have this mythical friend group or whatever.....i dont have Expectations like that. and in the meantime ive been lowkey for a few years just trying to lower my expectations even for ppl im just chill-ly talking to. its not that difficult nowadays, i get a bit pumped to just be talking, but i dont get Pumped Abt New Friends or anything. i know it doesnt work like that....and its not like i was ever like, wanting a blood oath after two conversations or anything like that. it just tends to mean more to you and then you find out you dont mean as much to anybody else really

oh but a good silver lining is that now i have better standards for ppl anyway, to be like “well it sucks that it turns out my connection w all these ppl wasnt that solid at all, but hang on now that i think of it do i even Like this or that person”

life is wild huh. back in preschool i thought something was wrong w me that nobody liked me & nowadays i dont care if they do or not. im doing my own thing over here & may be chillin in hell but at least, even if i’m sad i don’t exactly get to consistently interact w ppl, it only matters to me if i get the attention from ppl i genuinely like anyways. i could drop off the face of the planet & probably the biggest giveaway was that i had reblogged a joke in a few days but wtf does that matter anyway. some of us got to be on the tangents still w no friends. not because its necessary but b/c it happens and it has to be someone, might as well be me or you. it happens to be me, thats for sure

hi i’m jen ( pst + she/her ) n that’s all i have to say abt myself sdfkljsdf, i’m excited to write with everyone though, o i watched like 2 seasons of the 100 or like 3 up until the robot hologram lady but idr anything :( o and i never watched the show matt’s in either sry yalls :( 

❝ ——･✧ ( matthew daddario ) may the ark provide you a good life ( francisco nolan ) !  you are now at the age of ( twenty-six ), and identify as a ( cismale ). around the ark you are known as the ( noceur ), and you’re a ( jocular ) citizen even if you’re sometimes ( reticent ) !  with your contribution to the ( agro ) station as ( a cultivator ) we’re going to make this place a better home for us, and our future generations. ( jen, she/her, pst )

noceur – one who sleeps late or not at all

honestly the most simple definition right but i cbf to look for a masterlist

cultivator / curator – maybe i should’ve called him a botanist or a farmer idk but he’s an expert on plants and growing them in space! makes sure all the species are thriving and all that. spends a lot of time talking to the crops bc not many are awake in the dead of night! 

jocular – fond of or characterized by joking; humorous or playful.

reticent – not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily.

so francis/frankie/chico/whatever the fuck are nicknames for francisco idk ;(

anyway he’s basically this v lighthearted guy, kind of makes you feel like you know him and all because he’ll joke w/ you a lot n be nice, long-winded talks about things, sounds like he’s sharing but it’s never rly anything... about himself... he just doesn’t lemme figure out why bc i’m jst um. doing this as i go : )

okay his other half <3 got floated for doing the thing raven and finn did with the oxygen n lost some oxygen except she was older so floated.... maybe 5 yrs ago? 21 is a good age. he never talks about it. ever. although he does think about her every single day.

this is a dedicated self help book: i think that maybe, he’s just trying to build as nice of a life as he can for himself and has been for the past 5 yrs. he’s nice, people r nice, life is okay, but it just. will never be the same. also i imagine the ark is a pretty desolate place to be! planet earth nuked, all of humanity on this one spaceship ( as far as they know ), limited oxygen supply, rationing, etc. etc. so he puts on his happy face and sometimes it works, sometimes he’s sad and talks to the plants in private :’(

o ya isn’t it so funny that his mobile theme rly looks like the author’s about on a book cover 

o his parents got saved 2 the ark or something idk how this works but ig they were scientists n normal upbringing i guess they brought him 2 the plant nursery a lot

he doesn’t really think of himself as exceptionally smart or anything special, funnier/more handsome/etc than anyone else like obv he’s aware oh yes these are good traits that i possess but not ... over anyone yknow, like he just does what he’s supposed to do/what’s right.

o his birthday was.... YESTERDAY! whenever that was. 8/8 and he thinks it’s weird tht he was born on earth! but all he remembers is the spaceship :( anyway he’s freshly 26

o a hc: he rly good at drawing plants and flowers bc his <3 was like . how tf are u gonna be a botanist but not even be able 2 draw. so he practiced n practiced n it was part of how they even got 2gether aw. like hs sweeties. but if u ask him 2 draw a person it’s gonna look fugly as hell

idek if they’re allowed 2 draw or if that takes up resources :( o well that makes the whole notion more romantic 

o since i see some nationality things... n idk wtf matt d is he some types of different whites... imma just make him a canadian LDFSSDF

idk what else 2 say basically summary: he is nice n humble n maybe funny idk no emo broodiness no sign of sad :( he’s jus Chill

possible connections (crossed off = taken):

someone that was maybe his other half <3 ‘s best friend (yes ‘<3′ is apart of their name) n so they sometimes jst talk about their feelings n stuff together n maybe they weren’t close or maybe even disliked each other before everything OR maybe they still don’t like each other, but rly they’re the only other one that knows how the other feels/who they’re missing yknow ok let’s make them NOT like each other thanks!!!!

o okay ‘it isn’t the same but it isn’t love’ ok maybe they dating and it’s pleasant and all but rly it’s a charade n maybe they keep hanging on bc IT WORKS but it’s just. not passionate, it’s not love, so maybe they gotta break up. ‘it’s a waste of time’ OPPOSITE OF WILL THEY WON’T THEY as in will they won’t they BREAK UP

o wouldn’t it be so cool for francisco 2 be like. this happy mentor buddy thing 2 someone cuz i noticed some of yalls characters r emo as shit right, but then one night they discover he’s a FAKE... sort of ? n that disrupts. stuff yeah ha

o maybe someone who gets themselves into shit n he always goes n gets them before they get into trouble n he’s just Tired. of doing that right but he keeps doing it bc he’s been doing this for forever n idk big blow up xD? responsible old man matt d activate!

on the other hand, someone he trusts n knows is also responsible enough so that he can chill out too? weeds n alcohols lmao, maybe theyre best friends forever and i mean like, forever, maybe they were neighbors growing up on the ark 

lemme put some simple ones in here 2 bc im down n we can develop ya? o wow there aren’t many i’m sorry . but yall got wc too so we’re good ! !! 

friends

new

childhood - cut off or just long lasting

neighbors

coworkers

crushes/romantique interests but he dating someone so that’s risqué :O – maybe we do this on chemistry pls thanks idk <3 

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

all

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? lars2. Are you outgoing or shy? mostly outgoing3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? lars4. Are you easy to get along with? hmm5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yes6. What kind of people are you attracted to? lars7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? gigi gorgeous tbfh lmao9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? maya11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "lov u more"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? idk13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? miracles15. What good thing happened this summer? meeting the love of my life16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes20. Do you like your neighbors? some of them21. What are your bad habits? masturbating22. Where would you like to travel? yes23. Do you have trust issues? no24. Favorite part of your daily routine? laying in bed or eating25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? chest26. What do you do when you wake up? lay in bed27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? lighter 👀28. Who are you most comfortable around? lars29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? i have none30. Do you ever want to get married? maybe31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? my top hairs can fit a mini one on top32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? elliot fletcher and evan cutkosky33. Spell your name with your chin. mtrhy34. Do you play sports? What sports? not anymore , but i work out :/35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv bc i already do36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yeah37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing38. Describe your dream girl/guy? lars39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic, zumies, pacsun, forever 21, h&m..40. What do you want to do after high school? university for four/five yrs 😩41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? eh42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? sad or busy43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space fuck the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? college bc if i dont bust my ass, they wont want me ):46. What are you paranoid about? college47. Have you ever been high? yes48. Have you ever been drunk? yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? i guess50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black51. Ever wished you were someone else? yes52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? chest53. Favourite makeup brand? idk makeup54. Favourite store? hot topic 55. Favourite blog? me56. Favourite colour? black57. Favourite food? salad58. Last thing you ate? kettle cooked salt n vinegar chips59. First thing you ate this morning? eggs w cheese that made me want to throw up60. Ever won a competition? For what? can u count a spelling bee ??61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended for a week for showing my underwear to the class in first grade and in 9th grade for a day for yelling "im gonna kill someone!!!!" idk why but they never put it on my record, so i didnt have to tell colleges 😎62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? currently in love64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? um great65. Are you hungry right now? no66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? lmao yes67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? lars, amy, karli, penny, maya, monty, josh? leslie, and who else ????? 71. Craving something? What? no72. What colour are your towels? dark brown .. if it were my house BLACK!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? gizmo from gremlins is my son74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? i think two gizmo and spongebob75. Favourite animal? cat76. What colour is your underwear? black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour? cookies n cream79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black80. What colour pants? red n blue81. Favourite tv show? idfk82. Favourite movie? idk83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? havent seen the latter85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? regina86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? the turtle ?87. First person you talked to today? idk88. Last person you talked to today? lars89. Name a person you hate? my dad90. Name a person you love? lars91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my dad92. In a fight with someone? no93. How many sweatpants do you have? i think 10?? maybe more 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 10+95. Last movie you watched? collateral beauty96. Favourite actress? winona ryder97. Favourite actor? this changes quite a bit idek man 98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? a dog100. How are you feeling? tired101. Do you type fast? yes102. Do you regret anything from your past? if i feel ill towards any past decision it just means ive grown as a person... so do i regret it ?? idk lol103. Can you spell well? yes 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes.. nothing special... 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? idk107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now? no110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes111. Do you have trust issues? no112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my guidance counselor prob113. What was your childhood nickname? nope114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes115. Do you play the Wii? not anymore116. Are you listening to music right now? no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? cant eat it im vegetarian118. Do you like Chinese food? yes119. Favourite book? idk120. Are you afraid of the dark? no121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? no123. Can you keep white shoes clean? i dont have any124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no125. Do you believe in true love? yes126. Are you currently bored? currently tired127. What makes you happy? lars128. Would you change your name? legally, yes 129. What your zodiac sign? scorpio130. Do you like subway? yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? tell them the truth abt whether i like them or i dont ??132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? maya133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? yes135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed137. How tall are you? 5'0138. Curly or Straight hair? wavy139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette140. Summer or Winter? summer141. Night or Day? day142. Favourite month? october143. Are you a vegetarian? yes haha144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark!!! vegan!!!145. Tea or Coffee? tea146. Was today a good day? sure147. Mars or Snickers? mars fuck snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? idk149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? the book is in spanish 👀