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ishake123posts-blog · 5 years

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#918 kiss #malayshia

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softspoken23-blog · 7 years

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Softspoken: The first 20 years of my life.

Year 1: Its the one year anniversary of a young lion Walking on his feet after pooping for months and a bunch of crying Momma showering me with love cause she see the potential But little do she know that wasn’t even in my mental

Year 2: very dependent has no interest at all as being independent. A mommas boy who just wanna play with his toys live his life as a youth happiness and joy

Year 3: Year 3 it isn’t munch to explain, im just now learning how to write and spell my name.

Year 4: In prekay learning the new things of this world. Could you believe at this age i had feelings for a girl. Her name was malayshia and she was the first girl i shared my oreos with cause i wanted a kiss but i was way over my head but i was young so its ok that it was bliss

Year 5: At the age of 5 i was caught by surprised moving to a different neighborhood opened my eyes Rent was too high with a lack of space Momma wanted better but little do she know she moved us to a questionable place

Year 6: Kinegarden was crazy but i had a lot of fun but on my own time. Didnt really enjoy the company of the others. Video games was the life. Copying movie characters was a hobby I was many characters i felt like no one cant stop me

Year 7: Started first grade but wasnt really into education. All i wanted to do was go home and be on my playstation. In my own world i was my own nation. Was very quiet and softspoken but it wasnt a positive to the crowd it was the complete opposite. Trying to put me in special education but my mom wouldn’t stop fighting Its nothing wrong with my baby he just need to work on his handwriting. They wasnt trying to hear it though so they held me back so i wouldn’t move forward. So i had some drive and motivation to push myself forward.

Year 8: Year 8 was crazy thats when the roller coaster begin it was a long ride i was wondering when it was going to end. Repeating 1st grade was hurtful but i stood strong through the pain. But the highlight of the year is when on december 23rd the day i was born i was celebrating with my love ones in chuckee cheese smiles and all get ready for a pic and say cheese. All that joy was great until i returned home and notice things were out of place whats going on whats wrong? Come to find out my house been robbed. Money and items stolen. Heart was swollen. Who would do such things? Why us why us? Mom in tears this really broke my heart. And this was the outline that started to tear my mother and step father apart.

Year 9: Nothing to discuss cause i dont really remember much

Year 10: I was chilling. Spoiled as hell getting any game i want. Started making lies that i was sick so i can stay home and sleep. Im really surprised my mom never peeped. While the cab used to be out there waiting to take me to school. I used to sit on the toilet acting like i was taking a long poop

Year 11: Was in the 5th grade and i had another crush. I was feeling her she was the bomb. But she wasnt interested in me she wanted no parts. She was feeling my bro. It was no chance for me so i knew it was slow. I was blessed enough to graduate and get out of there and move on to middle school and thats when it all begin. But news hit me hard when my mom told me the man with my middle name was my actual father he just never wanted to show me love. Told me he didnt even want me alive i wasnt even supposed to be born. But my mom wasn’t having it. She kept me cause im the only one that came out to be her little man.

Year 12: Started six grade as a 5'11 freshmen but this is when it start when i was close to hitting depression. As my skin darken over the summer i got made fun of so much i would just snap. Making fun of the spots on my arm asking me why i am so black? This gets deep it gets very personal. Problems at home started and my mom over protection started to lead to rebellion. Crushing on girls for no reason cause i was wasting my time. I used to feel like i was a eyesore so why bother why try?

Year 13: In 7th grade i was focused on a new look, looking for the change. The pressure was too strong i was really feeling drain. The harsh bullying i recieved weren’t no joke i was losing my grip i didnt wanna hang on to the rope. So i tried to fit in and try to be down with my so call friends. But that was just the beginning its not even close to the end. I remember when i got a fresh cut for this girl. And my homie try to put me on . But then she gave me that look like something was wrong. So then she brought her friends along and they followed me and it became a roast session. Tried to get away but they were persistent. No where to hide so i had no choice but to listen. My feelings were hurt badly the pain was too deep. When i got home i took off everything and just cried myself to sleep. Insercurites was a demon and it was kicking in at that point i fell like s*** and i would do anything to lighten my skin. Cause i had that mentality that the only way for me to get the girl of my dreams is to go the extreme and not accept who i am as a young man cause my life is full of s*** becoming accepted by society was now my plan

Year 14: Now this year things turned out for the worst. Its like i was under a curse. But i finally got to get a girlfriend but it only lasted a few days. Dated others but i was young and horny so i just wanted to feel they butt and bust a quick nut. Cause i aint never did it before. It was the first time i tried weed but one try made me realize it was more of a want than an actual need. Cause i wanted to fit in i wanted to be down. Peer pressure is a mother f*cker it can turn your whole life around. I got caught up in play fighting than that play fighting turned into a knockout. Next thing you know we all serving super attendent supension we couldnt go to school but i wasnt the one that caused the knockout so idk what the suspension was about. But that suspension bit me in the a** cause i missed too much time i couldnt bounce back my grades i was running out of time. When the promotion and doubt letters came in i was very excited but the teachers and staff looking at me like i was retarted. What are you happy about? Your home boys are the one that is getting promoted and you are the one in doubt. I felt like god never cared for me i never could get blessings. So i spent my whole summer sheding tears and stressing.

Year 15: Repeating the 8th grade was crazy. Plus i was having issues at home. But i found a way to cope with it all. I wanted to do something else i wanted to play basketball. So it kept me focused. I was about 6'3 with long arms and a skinny frame. But i wasnt that good but its ok cause i was learning the game. Wasnt playing this time i started get work done but i would still want to do me and have a lot of fun. Got a girl and we dated for about 5 months. Come to find out she was cheating so i didnt want a girl no more i was done. But i did want to lose my V card that was a must cause all my bros was getting some. And i felt like it was my turn so i finally got some and once i got it i was hooked. Cut school for 3 days for a piece of action i was going through that phase. But i ended up getting caught and i got put on punishment for a while. Closing of the year and i found out i got promoted to high school here i come but i still had a middle school mentality F*** it though wings academy here i come.

Yead 16: Freshmen year of High school got to make the Varsity team. I was still skinny as hell though but a lot of promise in the coaches eye. The limits was off i can go beyond the sky. I joked around and didnt really take my grades serious. My family questioned my commitment they wondered if i was serious. But i came in at the age 15 so if i act a fool for a little while it was all good. Got in trouble though and missed the whole season as a freshmen. And at the end of the year my grades werent that good. So in the summer of 2013 i changed things up and had a plan it was become a better man or forever live in the hood.

Year 17: I was doing me. Thats right i was doing me. I went from a 68 to a 90 average. Started selling snacks in school so i can make some cash. Got a little stronger and started balling harder. But politics on the team was crazy so the coach tried to tell me to ball harder. The problems i had at home didnt really intefere with what i wanted to acoomplish. I didnt want a girl cause i figured spalding was my only girl. I only knew how to set picks and when to flash and when to curl. People realizing the change i made and all i wanted to do was make momma proud she brags a lot now she says im her one and only son out loud. I got to play AAU basketball and travel accross the country. Momma would make sure i went to each trip even if she had little money. The highlight of all those trips was being able to visit las vegas nevada.

Year 18: My junior year had its goods and bads. Still had good grades still was trying to get better at ball. But my hard work didnt prove anything cause my coach was saying nonscense how can i ever let another man ruin my confidence? But in the end i was able to receieve a championship ring. But i was still determined to get playtime and do my thing. So i focused on building myself both mentally and physically but building mentally was more important. I started reading more and more started watching videos that gave me knowledge. Started to become wise catching a girl that was physically and verbally abused by surprised. Put up with her mess so she can get the idea of a man at his best and forget about that lame she was dating and move on to the next. Things didnt go as plan but it was alright though. Cause i will still focus on doing me and achieving my goals. Even though some nights i would go hungry without a meal and months without TV because my mom was doing it all alone she couldnt pay the bill. But she made sure we were good cause her babies come first a lot of people dont know i been through the worst. But i stood strong and i stood tall. Cause i believe god would show me the way. So i kept my hopes high and kept on striving each day.

Year 19: Im a senior that finally got a chance to start for the team. I worked and grind hard. Straight determination but conflicts with coaches led to my team early elimination. Was chilling the whole year though. But still kept my grades good. Just wanted my diploma and enjoy my final days in Wings. Then move on to college and go do my thing. Closing of my senior year it was dope. I got to go to prom and hang with my bros and dance with my date. But in my head it was more then just dancing im such a sad case. Graduation day smiles and good vibes in the aroma got a couple of awards and the main prize my diploma. It was too real was i dreaming while in a coma? Summer time i worked and continue to build myself mentally and phyiscally. Trying to avoid the negatives and stay positive. Never wanna turn around and be the complete opposite. First year of college is approaching. My goal is to stay truetoself and not become to open. Focus on you, school is important.

Year 20: Freshmen year of college has been wild. Reality kicked in i realize i am no longer a child. Staying true to self is difficult when your around so much temptations. When its all said and done i can use a vacation. But i am now a better me better man. About 6'5 and 230 pounds of muscle. So you can try to knock me down but i wont even stumble yet alone fumble. Trying to crack me into pieces im never gonna crumble im ready for war im ready to rumble. I try to carry myself as soft natured a soft spoken man. Kind hearted. But im always a target ,by a crowd but my character is to powerful. My upbrinings is as humble as they come. They dont wanna be with me because they know i dont live the lifestyle of young wild and free im more of young, sincere and more into helping those in need. I wanna give a helping hands to those who reach out their arms to mines and tell them its going to be ok ,everything will be fine. Cause i know what it is like to feel left out i know what it is like to be stress. I know what it feels like to be insecure. I know what it is like to feel ashame you have no one you can adore. I wanna reach my full potential wanna be at my peak. A lot of people avoid me because they know they cant influence me. Im untouchable im unstoppable im a phenominal. This is a true story a humble nigga chronicles. I love the world i want whats best for everyone i want people to see beyond the glamour the temopary peace that involves the delusion of living a lifestyle that is the cover up for your pain. Cause i tried it once and it really didnt ease up my pain. So to sum up these 20 years of my life so far ima end it off like this. The people who i am about to forgive im this way because of you now listen to the heart of a man so merciful.

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