controversial take from a brown girl but I kind of expect my kids to go through an ungrateful phase because I hope they won’t be too scared to give me attitude and I want that phase to end when they are older — not because I have guilted them into feeling ashamed of their life — but because they matured. I want them to know that of course I loved them and provided for them, I am their parent that’s my job. they don’t owe me respect out of guilt, I want them to give me respect because they love me. I honor my parents and my ancestors because I love them. however, there are also a lot of feelings of shame, guilt, and obligatory deference too that I don’t want my kids to feel. giving respect if part of love and I want to show my kids love in a way that teaches them that.