rage is a ✨way of life✨

September 4 2020 Boulder

Technology is amazing and, in many ways, brings so many positive things into our lives.  I’m especially impressed by and grateful to ZOOM and, honestly, don’t know what this year of the pandemic would have been like without it.  I like to say I live half my life on ZOOM now, and that’s a bit of an exaggeration but mostly true.  Early in the morning four days a week I work out with my cousin Jodie, who lives in Chicago.  My sister, Kathi, who lives in Maine, also works out with her, along with many of Jodie’s friends in the Chicago area.

Jodie is a personal trainer and we are lucky to have her leading us through these exercises, which are also aerobic in nature. This work is helping to build our strength, flexibility, and stamina and, while it’s not exactly fun, I do enjoy it and also the camaraderie with the other women.

I’m also doing yoga, meditation, and taking classes online.  One class I REALLY enjoy is my French class with my friend, Claire, who is in Barcelona.  I had been taking classes with her in person in Barcelona for several years before we were stranded in Boulder by the pandemic and it’s really wonderful to connect with her over the time and space between us.

Claire is a lovely person and this photo doesn’t do her justice, so I’ll share others, below, which do.  I have learned so much from her and we have also become very good friends over the years.  She is also a member of the English Chat Group I started in Barcelona to help some friends improve their English skills.

I am grateful to Mother Nature for having planted the snapdragon seeds in many pots on the back deck, making my work planting the pots easier.  They have been blooming all summer and, along with all the other flowers I planted, continue to bring a myriad of colors to our outdoor spaces.

Bruce and I took a bike tour of Haertling houses in our neighborhood.  Charles Haertling was a famous architect who designed houses in the Frank Lloyd Wright style.  Our house on 15th Street, where we lived before we built our current house, was designed by him.  

The hallmarks of his houses were blending the houses into the surrounding habitat, using natural materials in the designs and using passive solar with lots of windows to bring light and the outdoors into the houses.

According to Wikipedia:

“Charles Haertling was born in 1928 in Ste. Genevieve, Missouri. After completing high school, he joined the Navy, serving from 1946 to 1948. Following his naval service, Haertling studied at the School of Architecture at Washington University in St. Louis, graduating in 1952 with a bachelor's degree in architecture.

In 1953, Haertling moved to Boulder, Colorado to serve on the architecture faculty of the University of Colorado, a position he would hold until 1955, and again later from 1965-1966. In 1957 he opened his own architectural practice in Boulder, completing his first project, a local residential expansion, the following year. Haertling would eventually design over 40 buildings, primarily residential structures in the Boulder-Denver region, completing his last project in 1983. In 1970, the American Institute of Architects inducted Haertling as a member.

In addition to his architectural career, Haertling was also an active participant in local government and community service.  From 1967-1973 he served three terms on Boulder's city council, where he was an advocate for greenbelt preservation, civic improvement projects such as the Pearl Street Mall, and environmental awareness. Between 1970-1971, he acted as Deputy Mayor for the City of Boulder. He also served on several local arts commissions and Lutheran church organizations.

Haertling married Viola Brase, with whom he raised four children.  He died of brain cancer in 1984 at age 55. A memorial foundation was created in his name to document and promote the preservation of his work.”

Joel Haertling, Charles Haertling’s son, wearing glasses in the photo, is an experimental filmmaker and musician.  He was also the founder of Architects Office and label with the same name. In 1984 he began publishing Zamizdat Trade Journal and continued with it for over a decade. He is the director of the Cinema Program at the Boulder Public Library. Joel’s son, Trevor, in the photo below, was also a musician and died in 2016. 

“Haertling's designs reflect an eclectic mix of different architectural styles and philosophies, incorporating elements of modernism and organic architecture, and drawing inspiration from the Usonian principles of Frank Lloyd Wright and the works of Bruce Goff, among others.

He often experimented with forms found in nature, including leaves (Leaneagh House, 1980), mushrooms and barnacles (Brenton House, 1969), yucca plants (Warburton House, 1963), and other natural shapes. At the same time, he also designed many structures according to more mathematical and geometric themes, as in the examples of the Willard House (1962) and the multifaceted Jourgensen House (1971). For his St. Stephens Church in Northglenn, Colorado (1964), (seen in photo above), Haertling employed a tent-like thin-shell roof, evocative of similar curved concrete designs by Oscar Niemeyer.”

The Brenton House (1969), also known informally as the "Mushroom House", is notable for making an appearance in Woody Allen's 1973 futuristic sci-fi film, Sleeper, along with several other modernist buildings in Colorado, including I.M. Pei's NCAR labs and Charles Deaton's Sculptured House.”

As we were cycling through the neighborhood I noticed these signs in one of the yards.  There are signs like this all over Colorado now, and even in other states, to remember 23-year-old Elijah McClain and call attention to his murder by police last summer by the Aurora, Colorado police.   

They arrested Elijah as he was walking home from a convenience store in his neighborhood.  The police department said they responded to a 911 caller who reported a “suspicious person”  in a ski mask.  The official police department story is that when officers confronted Elijah, who was not armed and hadn’t committed any kind of crime, he “resisted arrest”.  In the fifteen minutes that followed, the officers tackled this young, small (5 and half feet, weighing 140 pounds) black man to the ground, put him in a carotid hold, and called first responders, who injected him with ketamine.  He had a heart attack on the way to the hospital and died days later, after he was declared brain dead. The case is still being investigated. Video footage of the arrest  was suspiciously tainted  by all the officers’ body cameras allegedly “falling off” during the arrest.  In audio footage Elijah can be heard explaining to the officers that he was turning off his music to listen to them, telling them his name and the address of his house, which was close by, gasping and saying that he can’t breathe, sobbing, and vomiting.  An officer can be heard threatening to turn his dog on Elijah if he doesn’t cooperate. 

Despite local media coverage and some smaller rallies, Elijah’s murder didn’t initially receive widespread media coverage, until this summer when George Floyd was killed by police in a similar manner and investigations into other police murders across the country sparked protests and demands for accountability by police departments in these cases.  Justice for George Floyd, Elijah McClain, Breonna Taylor, and many other innocent black people has yet to be attained.  Those of us who believe ALL lives matter, and in particular BLACK lives, since they are the most at risk of police brutality, are continuing to speak out about the need for radical reform of policing in our country 

Ranking Every Krampus Movie by Krampus Lore Accuracy

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Christmas horror movies have long been one of the best parts of the festive season, and over the past decade interest in the festive beastie known as the Krampus has been on the rise. 

But who is the devilish creature? And which of the eleven feature films (of vastly varying quality) that have taken their name from the Krampus mythology are most similar to the actual ancient folklore that inspired them? 

2020 has been a year of horrors so it seems only fitting to do a deep dive investigation into this most important of Christmas horror queries so you can celebrate this year’s Krampusnacht in style and accuracy! 

The Origins of the Krampus

So the creepy European tale of the Krampus goes a little something like this: Krampus accompanies St. Nick (that’s right, Santa Claus) on his gift giving rounds, but instead of offering rewards for good kids he punishes bad ones. It adds an enticing little bit of nastiness to the classic Christmas traditions which makes it all the more understandable that it’s become such a large part of the cultural consciousness over the years. 

So what is the actual history of the Krampus and where did it first spring from? Encyclopedia Britannica gets into deeper detail, explaining that Krampus “was thought to have been part of pagan rituals for the winter solstice. According to legend, he is the son of Hel, the Norse god of the underworld. With the spread of Christianity, Krampus became associated with Christmas–despite efforts by the Catholic church to ban him. The creature and St. Nicholas are said to arrive on the evening of December 5 (Krampusnacht; “Krampus Night”). While St. Nicholas rewards nice children by leaving presents, Krampus beats those who are naughty with branches and sticks. In some cases, he is said to eat them or take them to hell.” 

Lovely. 

We wrote more about Krampus traditions here.

Mother Krampus 2: Slay Ride A.K.A. Lady Krampus (2018) 

Though it’s titled as if it’s a sequel to our next entry–which is also not about Krampus–there is little to no connection between these movies. This film has no Krampus accuracy as it is not in any way, shape, or form about Krampus. 

What it is about is a group of women who are about to finish their community service but have one last task: to visit an elderly woman and check in on her before Christmas. Turns out that she’s not the weak old lady they were expecting and instead is a slasher who loves terrorizing families and young women. Like I said, there’s no Krampus here and it’s also not a supernatural film. It is exceedingly strange, though, and features an OAP slasher suspect, which is rare. So even without the mythical creature this micro-budget murder movie might bring you some enjoyable Christmas horror chuckles during the festive season. 

Mother Krampus (2017) 

The reason that this movie is close to the very bottom of our rankings is simple. Mother Krampus isn’t actually based on the lore of Krampus at all and is instead inspired by another creepy Germainic folkloric figure known as Frau Perchta. Seeing as the Krampus is more well known, the filmmakers decided to misleadingly name this movie Mother Krampus. 

But the two creatures do share some similarities, hence why the simple but comedic OAP slasher Mother Krampus 2 takes the “prize” as our least accurate title. Frau Perchta is also not too fond of children and in the ancient myths surrounding her it’s said that “she flies through the night sky attended by an army of lost souls, including the demonic-looking Perchten, her army of servants who are visually nearly indistinguishable from Krampus. The only way to know for sure is context; Krampus rides abroad at St. Nicholas Eve while the Perchten tend more toward Epiphany, and the last three Thursdays before Christmas, also known as Berchtl nights or Knocking nights.”

This non-Krampus movie is at least a sort-of accurate version of the Frau Perchta legend and sees a town terrorized by a curse that was put on them by a woman (maybe) wrongly accused of stealing missing children. Now 25 years later, it seems like the Christmas witch, Frau Perchta, is upon them and is planning on stealing 12 children over the 12 days of Christmas. Scary stuff. 

Krampus 2: The Devil Returns (2016)

This incredibly low-budget sequel to Krampus: The Christmas Devil (more on this in a minute) centers on–like so many bad straight-to-streaming horror sequels–some useless cops. They’re searching for missing children who it seems have been stolen by Krampus, so this at least gets one point for a classic Krampus trope. 

There is a naughty list in this film too, although it’s actually held onto by the grimy mall Santa who plays a truly horrible role in this movie that is utterly unpleasant to watch. Generally this movie has little to no Krampus accuracy with most of the plot following the useless cops as they struggle to battle a gang of low level violent criminals including the grimy Santa Claus. 

Read more

Culture

The Anti-Christmas Spirit of Krampus

By Tony Sokol

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Doctor Who: The Weird Anomaly of the 1965 ‘Christmas Special’

By Andrew Blair

That gross Santa actually poses one of the biggest issues to the Krampus accuracy as the movie is more concerned with making a bleak festive crime flick ala Silent Night Deadly Night–but nowhere near as good–rather than making a movie about a scary folkloric figure. That’s why this one ends up near the bottom of our accuracy list, not just because it’s really not about Krampus at all but also because it’s gross, exploitative, and is more concerned with lazy “shock twists” than the story of Krampus. 

Krampus Origins (2018)

Seeing as this movie begins in WWII with Nazis trying to summon Krampus and American soldiers stealing the Krampus summoning machine, this is surely the least accurate… but shockingly, no. 

The film follows the young inhabitants of an orphanage who end up with the Krampus box. From this viewer’s perspective it’s definitely a movie that probably began life as a non-Krampus film and had the folkloric figure hamfistedly added at a later date because Krampus barely makes an appearance. Also, does this title imply that these are the origins of the Krampus? Because that doesn’t make any sense, seeing as the box summons him from his ancient world, so he clearly already had origins there that are not explored here at all!

Read more

Movies

The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies

By Rosie Fletcher and 5 others

Movies

The Christmas Chronicles 2: Who or What is the Belsnickel?

By Natalie Zutter

Despite the fact this is mostly a not very entertaining film about ye olde depressed kids in an even more depressing orphanage, like most of our other entries the 2018 film does stick to two key Krampus lore points: the Krampus (briefly) featured here does love to hunt kids and has big scary horns. His arrival is also heralded by an enigmatic child called Nicholas, which seems like it’s a reference to Krampus’ connection to St. Nicholas, but maybe we’re being too generous. 

Krampus Unleashed (2016)

Apparently the idea of the Krampus just appearing each Krampusnacht and terrorizing local kiddies is a bit too much for filmmakers to stomach as this is the second movie in our list that includes a very specific plot line about Krampus being trapped in the past and then freed by Americans. Here, though, he’s freed by a group of prospectors who at the open are looking for the mythical treasure of Eric Klaus. They come to a very gnarly end at the claws of the old Krampus who is looking very much like a goat-man here which is a step up from the usual red horned devil representations we’ve gotten in some of the other Krampus movies. 

Alas, this is otherwise pretty light on Krampus-accurate lore as we spend most of the runtime with a family having some Hallmark-esque Christmas gathering in a desert ranch. For most of the movie the Krampus seems to be controlled / represented by a magical orange shiny rock which doesn’t appear in any lore we’ve seen but is a smart way to keep the budget low.

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

A voiceover gives us a slightly confusing rundown of Krampus history as we venture into this micro-budget movie. Apparently in this world Krampus is St. Nicholas’ brother which is definitely not the case in any Krampus lore we read about. But we do get to see Krampus putting a naughty kid into a sack and then trying to drown them which is both brutal but also pretty accurate for Krampus lore. The creature also has some solid claws and has a naughty list which he uses to find the bad girls and boys that he has to kill. Krampus: The Christmas Devil is also the only movie in our list that specifies that Krampus has just one night to do his terrible deeds. 

Read more

TV

DuckTales Season 3 Episode 18 Review: How Santa Stole Christmas!

By Shamus Kelley

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How Darlene Love Brings the Holiday Spirit and Soul to The Christmas Chronicles 2

By Tony Sokol

In this film’s defense, it does have more Krampus action in its opening than some of the films on this list do in their entire runtime, and it makes use of some good weird out-of-license Krampus art during the opening and credits. 

But after the first few minutes we get sucked into a boring crime story about (you guessed it!) useless cops trying to find kids that the Krampus has apparently stolen. When Krampus does pop up in brief moments throughout the film, he’s killing anyone who gets in his way, losing the spirit of the Krampus Christmas. Plus, the original folklore doesn’t have any mention of cops let alone an entire Krampus duology of low-budget movies centered on them. 

Krampus: The Reckoning (2015)

This one begins with a solid retelling of the Krampus legend which makes it one of the most Krampus-heavy offerings in our list. According to this flick, Krampus is as old as time itself and as the grandma warns her child “as Santa rewards good children, Krampus punishes the bad.” Which is all very true! Congrats creepy, horror grandma! 

Interestingly, this film adds in a weird Krampus voodoo doll which is created by a young girl so she can wield the power of the monster against those who do her wrong. In a non-lore but still entertaining twist, the Krampus here is essentially a Jason Voorhees-style killer who just murders everyone including beginning with an abusive couple who’ve been having some pre-marital sex. On the naughty list you go!

Read more

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New Netflix Christmas Movies in 2020 Ranked from Best to Worst

By Delia Harrington

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13 Best Blumhouse Horror Movies Ranked

By David Crow and 3 others

The big change from the legend is that Krampus is controlled and summoned by a little girl who uses the monster to exact revenge on adults who harm children. So ironically this one would have been better under the title Krampus: The Avenger. Revenge movies are fun, but even though there’s some good “what is Krampus” wiki moments, that big twist means this one slides down the Krampus accuracy rating pretty quickly. 

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

This freaky and festive anthology is a whole lot of fun and includes an interesting visual representation of Krampus. To really get into this entry would be to ruin its secrets, but on the surface it’s about Santa Claus as he battles his elves and Mrs. Claus who have been turned into nightmarish zombies. During the finale, Santa battles the Krampus who is definitely one of the best and most interesting versions that we’ve seen on screen: a true representation of the half-goat half-man creature that we’re all desperate to see. 

This is a really cool Christmas anthology that utilizes the Krampus in an interesting way that adds to the story, even if when all’s said and done we can’t say that this is a wholly accurate Krampus movie. 

Krampus: The Avenger A.K.A. Krampus vs. Vikings (2019)

This historical horror entry is at moments surprisingly “accurate” (well, at least as far as Krampus movies go). 

Set in England during 820, the film centers around a Viking troupe trying to take over the castle of the British king. But their plans are waylaid by a demonic horned beast who lives in the forest and comes each “Yule Day” to kill families. This isn’t technically correct as Krampusnacht is usually on December 5th, the night before St. Nicholas Day on December 6th, plus Krampus is usually most interested in stealing/harming children rather than whole families. But early on in the movie we see Krampus talking about the naughty list, which gains the movie another accuracy point, and visually the practical effects heavy Krampus looks relatively like the creature we all know and fear, although it’s arguably more like a standard devil than a half-goat half-man beast. 

Read more

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20 Christmas Movies for Badasses

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Best Modern Horror Movies

By Don Kaye

Just like the majority of this list, Krampus the Avenger is a super low budget movie that is mostly concerned with the easy to shoot action of the Vikings and the royal family and less so with the Krampus. In fact, I would go so far to say this likely could have been a random Game of Thrones style knock-off that added a few Krampus reshoot moments… but that’s just a guess. Either way, the miniscule but present Krampus storyline is more accurate to the lore than usual until it gets lost in a strange wishing / vengeance / murder twist which makes little to no sense. 

Krampus (2015)

A modern Christmas horror classic, Krampus is truly a joy to watch. With an all-star cast featuring Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, and Allison Tolman, this dark comedy is all about that titular creature even if it strays a little from the classical lore. 

When a family gathers for Christmas, their stress, tension, and bitterness around the season begins to seep into their celebrations which comes to a head when the young son tears up his letter to Santa and throws it outside. It’s a mistake that will change all their lives forever as it summons the Krampus, a huge blizzard, and a nightmarish evening they’ll never forget.

This Krampus looks just how you’d expect the beast too, with huge horns and ghoulish goat hooves. But a big change in his motivations means that this Krampus is sent out to punish those who have lost the Christmas spirit, which is very different from dragging bad kids to hell or whipping them with sticks. Saying that, the entire family is objectively very badly behaved and really deserves the punishment the Krampus gives them. The final twist also strays from Krampus lore but is really creepy and overall this is a magnificent example of a Krampus tale. 

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Ironically, the film that feels closest to the origins of the Krampus doesn’t use the word Krampus once. It’s also one of the best films on our list, so if you haven’t seen this cult horror hit now is the perfect time. Rare Exports does feature a horned beast but here he’s known only as Santa Claus and is only ever seen frozen in a block of ice, which to be honest makes him even scarier. Directed by Jalmari Helander, this creepy classic begins when the local people of a small Finnish province which is thought to be home to the original Santa Claus, Joulupukki (which translates as Yule Goat), discover something incredibly strange. Their entire town was built on an ancient burial ground used to trap a strange ancient horned creature…

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The legends of Joulupukki and Krampus are incredibly similar, though the most interesting difference–which the film plays on–is that rather than being St. Nick’s helper, Joulupukki is the original Santa Claus. While we don’t get too deep into Krampus lore here, there is an evil horned beast, kids in peril, multiple evil Santa-type figures, and some good chilly Christmas horror. If you want something that lives up to the creepiness of the Krampus, and adds lore and depth to the story you already know, then Rare Exports is the ultimate Krampus movie pick. 

The post Ranking Every Krampus Movie by Krampus Lore Accuracy appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Translating Minnesota for New Englanders Coming to the Super Bowl

  by Joanne Meehl

If you’re coming to the Super Bowl, here are some things about Minneapolis (and Minnesota) you’ll want to know, translated by this former Bostonian. I may meander a bit as I write a section but in the end, it all helps you better navigate the place and the culture.

Note: For all Super Bowl events, see this guide: https://www.mnsuperbowl.com/events

Here we go, in no particular order:

1.26.18

The WIND

It’s almost always windy here. Which is no fun when it’s super cold and/or when it’s snowing. We don’t get as much snow as you do in Massachusetts but it stays around longer because it’s colder. It was in the 40s yesterday and will be so today, but the temps predicted for game day will be closer to zero. So be sure to bring the right headgear or you’ll be miserable. On bad days I wear a knitted hood/scarf under my hooded jacket. You know that heavy-duty parka in the back of your closet that you save for Mt. Washington or the colder slopes in Vermont or Maine? Bring it.

And that’s why there are about 8 miles of Skyways in Minneapolis and St. Paul, each. The Skyway connects you from building to building at the 2nd floor in most cases and often there are stores and restaurants and companies along the way, almost a second city. If it’s going to be that cold leading up to the game, you’ll learn to love the Skyways.

But Winter’s Fun, Doncha Know

Minnesota makes winter fun with the “Bold North” theme. There are many outdoor activities at this time of year and in “the cities” especially near the stadium it’s very walkable. There are many guides being published online and elsewhere that list “best of” restaurants and other venues, such as at Trip Advisor. There’s a lively music and theater scene (more live theater seats here than anywhere outside of NYC), tons of breweries, university/college culture. Politically we lean left but not nearly as much as Mass., and people here are typically thoughtful and considerate. And yes, nice. Predominate heritage here is German, Norwegian, Swedish, and Lutheran so you won’t find the outgoing-ness of the East Coast.

Architecture

Before I ever visited the area, I had this image of boxy Midwestern buildings. Wrong! Even in the suburbs, there is very cool architecture and building lighting here. Definitely not Boston red brick colonial.

Also, many cities here built their Main Street just like other streets. Don’t look for the town green with the old white church. 

Terminology 1 - Parking

Parking garages: They’re called “parking ramps” here. And they smell better than in Boston. And amazingly, in many places in the denser suburbs, they are free. And in the city (or St. Paul, nearby) the cost of parking is way lower than it is in Boston. But expect them to be full. Easiest: Park outside the city, take the light rail in. You know, like parking in Newton and taking the Green Line into Boston.

 Terminology 2 - Food

Soda is called pop here. Casseroles are called “hot dish”. 

 Terminology 3 - The cities and geography

Minneapolis and St. Paul (the state’s capital) are known of course as the Twin Cities. People here just say “the cities”. Minneapolis is a bit more cosmopolitan and modern, St. Paul more Old World and a bit lower profile skyline. St. Paul is often called “the last city of the East”, and Minneapolis “the first city of the west” because of where they are located on the Mississippi. So you’ll find TV and radio stations here that are like WCCO (St. Paul, east of the river) and KARE11, west of the river. BTW, I watch KARE11 for news and they’ll be broadcasting all week up to the game from Nicolette Mall, a bunch of streets in Minneapolis currently dedicated to the Super Bowl. The media here is pretty sophisticated.

Terminology 4 - Native Americans

Native Americans here prefer to be called Indians. So if you hear Minnesotans referring to Indians, they are not being politically incorrect, they are just using the preferred terminology. Unlike in the Northeast, here Indian tribes wield economic and political power. They run most if not all of the casinos in the state. 

 Radio

For THE best music radio station anywhere, even beating the college stations in Boston/Cambridge, don’t miss 89.3 The Current. It’s a Minnesota Public Radio station dedicated to indie/local/cutting edge rock and new artists, though they’ll surprise you with Billie Holiday or classic blues every now and then. Their hosts know their stuff, too. My favorite place for jazz and similar: The Dakota. Great food there, too.

 Finding your way around

The grid of streets in Minneapolis is pretty easy to understand. In some suburban cities (yes, there is such a thing here – think Weymouth or Framingham, for comparison), such as Plymouth (Minnesota) and Maple Grove, street names are used over and over again – so there might be 4 Norwood Lanes but what separates them is their numbers (always 4 or more) so you’ll find Norwood Lane in the 6000s is a whole different location than the Norwood Lane in the 7000s. Oh, and you will find that Minnesota has cities or towns named Andover, Bellingham, Cambridge, Lexington, Melrose, Randolph which still weirds me out when I stumble upon them.

 The Mississippi

Although the Charles River through Boston is pretty wide there at the Zakim and other bridges, when you see the Mississippi you feel its might. It’s figured into so much of our nation’s history, including here in Minnesota. To see it, go to the Guthrie Theater at the north end of Minneapolis, and, well, just look down. The theater is worth a tour all on its own – someplace I take everyone who visits here, because of its cool history, the actors who’ve played there, and the performances, of course. Great little gift shop and restaurant, too. An hour or two south, the river is even wider and truly awe inspiring.

 Prices

It’s generally less expensive here than in Massachusetts/New England but people *are* raising prices for a week or so before and after the game. If you’re renting someone’s apartment while here, know that what you’re paying they will use to pay their mortgage for a few months. Hey, you’re from the East Coast, you can afford it, right? ;)

Religion

Lutheran Lutheran Lutheran -- it’s the main denomination here for white people. But that means a wide range, from old fashioned Garrison Keiller-style Lutheran church ladies to very right-wing Christian. There are many stand-alone Christian churches who while outwardly nice are largely anti-gay, anti-liberal, man-in-charge-of-the-family type churches. People here in general assume you are Christian and wear their Christianity pretty openly, even at business meetings, which I found jarring when I first moved here. And still do. 

There is a large Muslim population, Ethiopians and other Africans who’ve settled here over the years, who are now running for office and taking leadership roles. 

Guns

When I first moved here and saw signs at the doors of many restaurants and stores and elsewhere that said “No guns allowed here”, I was like WHAT?! GUNS?! Know that here in the northern Midwest, you are not in Massachusetts, and that you are now in “most of America” which is a gun culture and that’s really clear here. Minnesota is not an open-carry state (so far) so you won’t see people brandishing their weapon.

 Yes, it’s worth it to go to the Mall of America

It was built inside a former baseball stadium so you get the idea of size. Four stories, three levels of stores (some are in the mall twice because it’s so big), hotels, restaurants, and a full amusement park at its center. The light rail (surface rail line, like the T only way cleaner!) comes right to the mall from downtown. Ikea is right next door. You’ll definitely get your steps in no matter where you go there.

 Minnesota is HUGE

Minnesota is larger than all of New England put together. It has 87 counties (vs. 14 in Mass., and I can still name them all). If someone here says they are “from outstate”, they mean they’re from outside the metro area. The state was settled in the 1800s and became a state in 1858, relatively recent times to those of us from New England who are used to dates from the 1600s and 1700s in our states’ histories. 

The state is 1/3 mostly pine forest (north), 1/3 deciduous trees (the middle third, most like the Northeast US, including maple trees), and 1/3 plains (south). It’s flat or rolling with some elevation in Duluth, about 2.5 hours northeast of the Twin Cities and a cool industrial chic college town. North of there on the way to Canada is the Sawtooth Range, a low “mountain” range along Lake Superior. 

Lake Superior: Seeing any Great Lake for the first time is an absolutely freaky experience: it’s the ocean, you think, because there’s waves and seagulls and an unlimited horizon. But then again it doesn’t smell like the ocean. Many in the Minnesota-Wisconsin-Michigan-Illinois area refer to this part of the country as “the central coast”, because the Great Lakes really feel like the ocean, including expensive property prices if you want a house on the shore.

 Taxes

Minnesota is the most heavily taxed state in this north central part of the US. Result: highly educated people, a rich diversity of industries, many free options including a strong county-based library system and amazing outdoor activities like trails everywhere even in the hearts of most cities. But compared to the tax rates back east, they’re pretty moderate, so when I first arrived here and people said “Oh, our taxes are so high!”, I laughed at them. I then pointed out how many services they have and the quality of life. New buildings, beautiful ball fields and sporting facilities, family activities, free movies and music on town stages, large civic centers, STEM schools, much more than I used to see back east. 

So quality of life is high here. There’s a saying that real estate people here use: “When people are asked by their company to transfer here, they usually are against it. But they take the transfer. Then when their company wants to transfer them elsewhere later, they refuse because they love the quality of life so much, and they stay”. 

 More about the people here

Yes, there’s “Minnesota nice”, people who will help you in all kinds of ways even if they don’t know you. But Minnesotans have a rigid circle around themselves: They tend not to live elsewhere, meaning they go to college in Minnesota and get married here and stay here, even if they are transferred around by their company, they vacation here. So family is central to their lives and their best friends are family, not necessarily someone they work with. 

If you’re outside that circle you get to experience Minnesota Ice… in Massachusetts, you meet someone and pretty early on you’re inviting them over for dinner so you can get to know them better. In the 8 years I lived in one neighborhood here, no one ever had us over for dinner. I learned not to take offense because, as one native told me, they don’t invite EACH OTHER over for dinner – because they’re not family. I took some exercise classes and normally have an easy time striking up converations with people but not here: the women who were 100% of the class, after I’d say hi, would turn away and resume converations with their friends they came to class with, and not introduce you to the others. So it’s hard to make friends here if you’re not from the family!

 Minnesota Drivers

Minnesota drivers are maddening. At stop lights, they stop at least one car length from the line at the lights. You wonder if the light will get tripped by the first car being so far back (it does, somehow). The light turns green, and the person ahead of you now seems to be making a decision: Can I go? Is it OK to go? Will I be considered obnoxious if I go? For this still-impatient Bay Stater, it makes me nuts they are so slow on the green light. I don’t use my car horn to push someone but jeezelouise, after a few moments you want to  Even if you are about to crash into them, they WILL NOT use their horns; they would rather you hit them than they be careful and use their horn – because, dontchaknow, that would be being aggressive.

Questionable German in Dutch Land

I was still on a quest to find a good German restaurant. The Schweinhaus in Bellingham had good sausages and sauerkraut, but was missing some components (like a roof.) After expanding my search area I came across Gretchen’s Delights in Lynden. Laura was busy with Furman work, so I decided to head out to see if this would fit the bill. TLDR; version – It didn’t.

I’m still learning about the area, and Lynden was one of those towns that I’d never had need of visiting. It’s north of Bellingham and off of I-5, so I wouldn’t have casually driven through it. Like Mount Vernon, Lynden is an agricultural town that sits on the banks of a major river, in this case, the Nooksack. Sometime during the course of the town’s history Dutch families settled in the area and the town went with a decidedly Dutch theme. There are fake windmills everywhere.

I headed out from the island despite the rain. In Bellingham I left I-5 and drove straight north on a local highway to Lynden. I passed lots of open fields and enormous barns. I reached the town and turned onto the main street, which led between two cemeteries. Perhaps an omen? Gretchen’s Delights is in a small strip mall before reaching the downtown area. I drove past it once and had to turn around and come back.

There were lots of cars in the parking lot but apparently they were in one of the other businesses. I walked into Gretchen’s at what should have been the height of lunch service to find it completely empty. I would be the only patron the entire time I was there. Another omen.

I was greeted warmly by Leisa Scott, the owner, waiter, and chef. Leisa opened the restaurant just last year and named it for her mother. Leisa had been sitting behind the counter watching TV or something and waiting for customers when I came in. Once I was seated she started the music. Oh boy.

It was here that I leaned that German Country-Western Metal is a thing. The CD cued up was a group called Truck Stop. A Johnny Cash sound-alike belted tunes in German to the sound of twanging steel guitars. I opened Shazam on my phone to find out what the heck this was. “Hey! Mach Mal Pause” was the first song. I shall now inflict it upon you below:

This was followed up by “Mein Opa das bin ich,” translated as “I Am My Own Grandpa,” which I’d heard in English.

Given the rural American setting and the strange fusion of language and musical styles I felt like I was in an episode of The Man in the High Castle.

But, I was here for German food…

The menu was very basic. There were seven lunch options and six dinner options. The dinner plates are available all day. Usually I like to order similar dishes for comparison, but for some reason the three brat platter for $15 seemed a bit pricey. The other more traditional German dishes I might order were also under the dinner section. I decided to check out the less expensive lunch options.

I went with the first item on the menu, an open faced sandwich with lean smoked pork sauerkraut served on rye bread. This would be accompanied by a bowl of split pea soup. Normally I’d wash this down with Warsteiner or some other appropriate beer, but beer wasn’t an option here. I settled for water.

The menu proudly proclaimed…

Our meals are also to go. We use microwaveable containers.

I should have taken that as a warning rather than a feature. Apparently that’s how they store and prepare their meals for the restaurant, as well. I watched as Leisa walked to the refrigerator and withdrew plastic containers. I heard the distinct sound of a microwave in the back.

Soon enough the food arrived. The split pea soup was OK. It was unevenly heated as if it had been microwaved, but the flavors weren’t too bad.

The sandwich was the surprise, and I don’t mean that in a good way. The stale rye bread was slathered in mayonnaise. Normally I’m not a fan, but in this case the condiment helped with the tough bread. The “lean pork” was basically chipped ham mixed throughout the sauerkraut. The sauerkraut was the saving grace of the sandwich. Taken together, the various components were an unappealing mess.

I made it through it without ill effect, but I was really wishing I’d sprung for the bratwurst plate. And, in fairness to Leisa, this is just one meal, and might have been the worst (wurst?) one on her menu. Some of the other dinner options looked good on the menu and might be really good. First impressions count, though, and this one did not make a good first impression.

I headed back to the main drag of town. Downtown is anchored by the “Dutch Mall,” featuring a large windmill and Dutch styled buildings. The town itself has several antique stores and interesting shops. I went into a couple of these and browsed.

I passed some wonderful smelling Dutch restaurants. Obviously there were much better choices than what I had for lunch. I was tempted to say that the first one didn’t count and that I should have a second lunch of good food. I resisted…sort of. I came across a bakery that claimed to have been in business for over 100 years. I bought a small apple strudel to take home so that Laura and I could both enjoy it.

When I mentioned where I was going today Linda told me something of the conservative nature of the town. The Dutch Christian School is every bit as large as the public high school in town. Wikipedia states that at “one time, Lynden held the world record for most churches per square mile and per capita, although that is unsubstantiated.” Coming from a city where there is a church on just about every corner I find that hard to believe. However, Lynden did have blue laws until just recently. Linda had said that dancing was outlawed in the city until 2012. I couldn’t find any indication of that, but I did see that until 2012 there had been a law that said that alcohol couldn’t be sold where there was dancing.

While Lynden seems to have a concentration of Dutch culture, that influence is felt throughout the entire region. Many of the old farm barns have the Dutch roof style. Heck, even Mount Vernon has its Tulip Festival every year and growers like Rosegard have windmill motifs.

Regardless, it was a nice visit to the town. I’ll be back for another lunch, but it will be to one of the Dutch establishments.

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Married in middle school: Florida girl a 'bride' at 13

Last summer, a soft-spoken young woman came to lawyer Toni Latino for help. The father of her 5-year-old daughter had filed for custody rights. She wanted to fight it. Legal pad before her, Latino began asking the questions standard of new clients as they sat together in her cozy Fort Myers office. Name. Age. Date of birth. Latino soon realized this case was far from typical. The woman, then 20, was 14 when she gave birth. "The father," Latino asked. "How old is he?" "I think he's about 32 now." Latino stifled shock as she scribbled notes and thought, Oh my God. How did this happen? Weeks later, the woman would share details that made Latino's stomach turn. When she was in middle school, 13 years old, her Guatemalan parents hosted a religious ceremony, inviting guests to their Bonita Springs home to perform a blessing and "marry" her to a man in his mid-20s. Afterward, he moved into her bedroom in her parents' home. She did his laundry, cooked his meals. They lived this way in Bonita Springs and Lehigh Acres for about six years. "What happened to you was illegal," Latino told her. "Honey, we're going to the police." The young woman agreed, and the lawyer spent her 60th birthday with her client and sheriff's investigators. As she dug deeper, Latino worried similar cases could be going undetected. Her worry is not unfounded. Thirty-one-year-old Antonio Juarez of Lehigh Acres was arrested in early October. He and the-then teenager met at a Catholic Church in June 2009, he told deputies, and they later asked her parents for permission to live together. Juarez referred questions to his Fort Myers lawyer, Rene Suarez, who said the client considered the teenager his common-law wife. Juarez first came to Suarez's office with the young woman's parents. The News-Press is not naming the woman or her parents to protect her identity as the victim of a sex crime. "The whole thing is weird," Suarez said. "If I hadn't seen it before, I'd be telling them in Spanish, 'Are you all crazy? What's going on here?'" His client was "profoundly unaware" of the laws barring adults from having sex with young teenagers, Suarez said. "Clearly, ignorance of the law is not a defense, but there was no malicious intent here, if you will, as foreign as it to us." The criminal case, which is expected to conclude soon with a plea deal, highlights a clashing of cultures and laws, especially when it comes to the rights of girls. Florida's age of consent is 18, but there's a provision that allows teens of 16 and 17 to consent to sex with someone 16 to 23. "I've had numerous clients from Central America that have run afoul of the law in a similar fashion," Suarez said. "I wouldn't say it's an epidemic but it's enough where I can say there's a correlation between the culture and this happening." Juarez came from Guatemala, which has one of the highest child marriage rates in Latin America, according to the nonprofit Girls Not Brides. The young woman said her parents also emigrated from Guatemala, though she was born in this country. Until 2015, a girl could legally marry there at the age of 14. But there have been reports of marriages of even younger girls. Marta Matias, a coordinator and teacher for The GRACE (Guatemalan Rural Adult and Children's Education) Project, is from Guatemala and works in Southwest Florida. Arranging marriages was a Mayan custom, she said. Couples would be matched by compatibility. However, in its present-day incarnation, people in rural areas often do it for money, she said. Guatemala can be a harsh society for women and girls. The young woman's father told a detective that Juarez assumed financial responsibility of his daughter. The father "concluded his statement by explaining that in other countries age is not an issue when it comes to love . (he) stated that he wishes that (his daughter) was more obedient." Cultural differences aside, it's hard to fathom how the arrangement could stay secret for so long. How can a girl get pregnant, attend Lee County schools, and give birth in a local hospital while remaining a child bride for years? Certainly, there were opportunities for it to come to light. Nearly eight years ago, the sixth-grader from Bonita Springs Middle was in an unimaginable position. The man by her side was 24. She was 13. The girl's father told them they needed to be there for each other in times of sickness, and to resolve their problems. She said that she and the man kneeled before her mother and father, who placed a Bible on their heads and blessed them with water. Afterward, she recalls flopping onto her sister's bed and switching on music, maybe hip-hop. Her bedroom was no longer her own. She would share it with her "husband." I hate my life now, she thought. My life's going to suck. I'm not ready for this, she recalls telling her mother beforehand. Now you're into it, you can't say no, she said her mother told her. Her parents coached her to call the man, amor. It means, my love in English. But, she didn't have those kind of feelings. They started talking as friends. "I was just a little girl." She quickly understood her childhood, games of hide-and-seek and tag in the neighborhood, was long gone. She would not spend hours in the mall. She would not attend prom. She became a mom. On typical school days, she said she'd wake up around 5 a.m. to make food for Juarez and her father before jumping in the shower and hurrying to the bus stop. She envied her younger sister, who had time to do her make-up and hair. "My childhood was being responsible and being an adult already. I didn't even know how to wash clothes. My mom had to show me how to do that." She knew the arrangement wasn't quite right, but not how wrong it was. "No one knew about it. Nobody at school knew about it. It was just within my family, inside my house ... . When I was seeing my friends with their boyfriends at school, they were younger, and mine was like older but my parents told me I can't say nothing. "They told me to lie." The teenager and Juarez lived like husband and wife with her parents from about 2009 to 2015. Suspicion arose at least twice in those years, but the family lied to deputies, court records show. In May 2010, a school resource officer at Varsity Lakes Middle School in Lehigh Acres met the young woman's mother. She asked about sending her daughter to a school for pregnant girls. Her mother told a Lee County deputy she didn't know the father and offered an improbable story that her daughter and the father met "through a random phone call" made to their house phone when they lived in Bonita. She refused to bring her daughter to an interview with a child protection team. Four months later, in September, a deputy responded to HealthPark to investigate "a possible sex crime" after the teen gave birth. The 14-year-old told the deputy she didn't know the last name or the address of the father. Her mother said she never met the father and knew nothing of him. In the report, the deputy writes that the girl "was obviously withholding information." Years later, in 2015, her mother filed court documents for temporary custody of the young woman's daughter and the matter was referred to a magistrate. When the young woman went to the Lee County Sheriff's Office this fall, under guidance from her lawyer to report her years as a child bride, she told investigators her parents warned her that her baby could be taken from her if she told the truth. Her mother declined to comment to The News-Press. Her father could not be reached. Her parents, who share a Lehigh Acres address, have not been arrested or charged with a crime, although a detective concluded in his report that they "played an active role" in the crime "by arranging for their 13-year-old daughter" to live with Juarez in their home from 2009 to 2015. Their statements indicated they "knowingly violated the laws." The woman's father told a detective his daughter and Juarez came to him when the girl was 13 to tell him "they were in love." Her father described the ceremony, but denied it was for marriage. He also "denied referring to the couple as husband and wife despite referring to them as husband and wife during the interview," according to the investigation. Why weren't the parents arrested or charged? The Lee County Sheriff's Office submitted the investigation to the state attorney's office. A spokeswoman for the state attorney said they could not comment on an open case. Juarez has court in early February. In advance of the court date, Latino, the lawyer who took the woman's case pro bono, has made an unorthodox request. She's asking his punishment include recording a public service announcement to air on Spanish-language radio about the legal age of consent to have sex and be married. Juarez's lawyer thinks it's a good idea. "People are getting arrested unnecessarily," said Suarez, the man's attorney. "They're not sexual predators in the way we think of sexual predators. They don't know the law." Though he has handled several similar cases in Lee County involving Central American immigrants, this is the most dramatic one. Juarez basically turned himself in by asking the courts to grant him rights to see his now 6-year-old daughter. In the petition filed in July, he said he and the young woman engaged in intercourse from September 2009 to September 2010. Records in the criminal case report they lived together for five more years. After Juarez's arrest, the state attorney's office filed a charge of lewd and lascivious behavior with a victim between 12 and 16. The felony charge carries a penalty of up to 15 years in prison. But Juarez will probably end up on probation rather than in prison, his lawyer said, and could face deportation, as he is not a citizen. Latino, the young woman's lawyer, said her client too was unaware of the laws that would have protected her from living like a child bride. She would like to see education starting in middle school about topics like the age of consent. (The Lee County School District offers a supplemental sexuality curriculum in high school that students can opt out of.) "The biggest issue was that she was lied to by the people she trusted, which was her parents. I think that what could have occurred is education in the school outside of the ears of her parents," Latino said. "My concern is that these types of things are happening all over the place." "It's happening right under our noses." ___ Information from: The (Fort Myers, Fla.) News-Press, http://www.news-press.com http://dlvr.it/NJtSK3