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#like. HELLO??? why is this ok??? if they'd said that about basically any other group outside of like. other stigmatized cluster b disorders
sol1loqu1st · 5 months
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ok can i be honest with you guys for a second. i know i said that i was gonna mostly keep the plurality shit to myself because i feel like it's pretty private and currently really tangled with cptsd and i just don't want plurality to be like. The Thing People Associate Me With, but after talking with my therapist about it and kind of coming to the conclusion that yeah, that probably is what's going on with me, i'm realizing that i have a whole lot of shame and fear mixed up in it too and a Semi-Popular Blogger(tm) (not naming names but like. yeah) recently published a long post out of nowhere complaining about how they could never be friends with plural people because they feel like they've been Pulled Into Somebody's Groupchat Drama and like i keep playing that in my head and feel like i'm going to lose all my friends if i don't make sure to keep it to myself. i feel like i'm finally figuring something out about myself and what's going on with me, but it's something that is judged and mocked by literally everyone, including otherwise perfectly nice people, and i'm honestly really scared that if i were to be even a little open about it, i would start to get dms from friends asking to cut things off or letting me know that they couldn't deal with me right now or whatever, even if it turned out that Embracing It(tm) and being a bit more open about it is like, a healthy step in the right direction. like i'm terrified i'm gonna lose people under the guise of "i can't be friends with a groupchat" even if the way i interact with people wouldn't change at all aside from *maybe* occasionally mentioning that it's a different alter than usual
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minbobs · 5 years
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Bad Guy
SUMMARY — you were the best recruit they had on the team, and they decided you were finally ready for your first job as an official officer, but your heart was bigger than your brain and ruined it all for you.
TYPE — criminal / officer au
PAIRING — lee jeno x reader
WARNINGS — jeno being an annoying little shit , robbery , idk bad shit , kinda sexual tbh
WORD COUNT — 4k
A/N — i apologise if there’s any mistakes, i haven’t read over and will probably forget to later.
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you'd been training for this day for almost three years now, and you felt as if you were ready for it. you'd spent majority of your time learning the different procedures and techniques of law enforcement, what it meant to have leadership and how to show it, the defensive tactics you needed and many other things that took time and practice to completely understand and perfect. the amount of time you'd spent at the academy led to you slowly losing friends, only leaving mina, the other girl at the academy. however, the loss of friends didn't affect you, in a bad way at least. it motivated you to carry on, because it didn't matter about others, it was for you and you only.
when talking to other recruits, taeyong always used you as the prime example of what the perfect student at the academy should act like and look like; it may have caused people to somewhat dislike you for being so 'perfect', but if taeyong liked you then they also had to like you, because they'd get a lecture on how it's bad to despise your peers.
it was a wednesday morning, around eight thirty am when you'd received a phone call from the academy. you weren't supposed to be there that day, so you were still fast asleep in your warm, comfortable bed — the one thing that could possibly stop you from wanting to leave the house for training.
when the ringing started, you opened your eyes and sat up, stretching as far as possible to stretch every muscle to the point where it was satisfying. eyeing up the phone, you wondered if you should even pick it up, when you could really just lie down and go back to sleep, because you were asleep and it was a perfect excuse.
despite that thought, you yawned and grabbed the phone.
"hello?" you spoke sleepily, putting your head back down on your fluffy pillow, resting your eyes. you were so uninterested in the phone call already, that you almost fell asleep until you heard the voice on the other side.
"hello? this is y/n l/n isn't it?" the voice of taeyong asked, and you quickly rose from your bed and was immediately wide awake.
"uh, yes it is!" you spoke almost too enthusiastically, making you cringe. that'd definitely be on your mind later.
"i just called to say that we'd like you to come down the the station at around twelve pm. we have some important news to speak to you about, we hope to see you there." before you could get any words out, the call ended abruptly.
was it good news? was it bad news? the possibility could go from you getting your first mission on the team to getting kicked out. not to be too vain, but you could see it leaning more towards your first mission.
you had time, but you were way too excited to go back to sleep. finally, you left your bed with a small groan because you really didn't want to leave it, but there was really no point of you being in it so you should do something productive.
that's if you call mixing different cereals together in a bowl and eating it while watching the umbrella academy for the second time productive.
eventually, it reached eleven am, meaning you should probably get moving. so at that, you got up finally and changed into the uniform the academy had given you and grabbed your keys from the side. you'd only just gotten your drivers license, so you were still wary about driving. you didn’t actually want a car when you could just get mina to drive you places because she’s always free, but it was part of the job.
"we've decided that you're ready for your first job. we've been tracking down a group of young boys that have been going around to different stores and stealing a different assortment of items. they've even been caught on cctv threatening the store owners for the money in the tills. we have an idea about where abouts they are, and we need your help to find them." taeyong took a seat in his chair, and yours eyes widened from what he said.
"are you sure? what if i completely mess it up and don't find anything?" you asked and he gave a small smile.
"don't worry, this isn't like school y/n. you won't get in trouble for it. as your first job it'll make it much easier for jaehyun and i to give you pointers on what to do next time." you nodded, you felt less nervous from that. "but as officers, you get jobs whatever time, whenever. so unfortunately for you, you don't have enough time to prepare. the job is starting right now." he spoke and you almost felt like shouting at him — the nerves had one hundred percent come back.
all you did was say 'ok', before standing up to walk out of the door, going to one of the meeting rooms. before you had a chance to leave, taeyong spoke up.
"just, don't worry ok? we don't know if it's their actually hide out, so please don't feel upset with yourself if you don't find anything.
now you were in a car, of which mina was driving. she was basically your designated driver, you really didn't trust anyone else to drive you places; not even yourself yet.
"i don't understand why you're so nervous, taeyong told you not to worry and it's your first time doing something like this. if it makes you feel any better, i overheard taeyong and jaehyun and they said not even yuta could catch them. apparently they're really smart kids, i think they're around your age too." mina spoke, and you gave a sigh. yuta was the best at his job, and the idea of him not being able to catch a bunch of sixteen to twenty year olds.
when you arrived on the 'site', jaehyun, taeyong, yuta and a few others were already there.
"ah y/n! we're going to send you off with jaehyun down that way. you'll go down the right side of the building and he'll go down the left side. if you need help, use this." taeyong passed you a walkie, then walked off only leaving you with jaehyun and mina.
"remember what i said, you'll do good y/n i promise." mina whispered in your ear before walking off back to her car. being reassured by mina was nice and something you needed. all through your life since you've known her she's always reassured you and it's brought you to be who you are today; strongly disliked by most people, but it didn't hurt you in any way.
"come on, let's go." jaehyun said and you followed him to the building. it was quite small, not as big as all the others ones in the abandoned place. it was all wrecked, parts of the walls had collapsed and it seemed really unstable and unsafe to go inside — it was probably why they were only letting you go around the outside. "if you need anything, use the walkie. it's connected to mine and taeyong's." jaehyun walked off to his side of the building, leaving you by your used and with a fast beating heart.
you had completely forgotten these were actually criminals, these people had actually committed crimes and you'd only just remembered that. you'd left your thoughts finally, and had a feeling you had eyes on you, you thought that maybe jaehyun was still here secretly, but when you looked the person standing around the corner definitely wasn't jaehyun. when they noticed you saw them, they quickly went back around the corner.
you breathed in deeply and closed your eyes, replaying everything you'd learnt in your head, every single piece of information you remembered, you felt ready. so you walked with a hand on your gun in your pocket just in case. the closer you got to the corner, you were starting to think about backing out, and just saying you didn't find anything. but you knew that was wrong, and you couldn't do it.
as you turned the corner of the building, you were pressed up against the wall, and a hand over your mouth; your arms were pressed behind your hands so you could reach for the walkie to even get anyone's attention. the person in front of you had black hair parted in the middle — you couldn't lie by saying he wasn't the most beautiful human being you'd ever seen.
"please, please don't tell them you found us. please, i'm begging you." he whimpered, his eyes beginning to water. you started to become less tense, and you were starting to feel some sort of sympathy. he removed his hand off you mouth, and you gave him a glare.
"why shouldn't i? you've been stealing from stores and threatening people. you should be in jail." you tried to push his arms off you, but he was clearly much stronger than you, and you were starting to feel fear.
"we only do it because we don't have anything else, just leave us be. i promise that if you ever find us again, we'll let you take us." he was breathing heavily, and his eyes were becoming teary. he was a criminal, and he shouldn't be forgiven, but you had a weak heart and you were starting to realise, maybe you just weren't fit for this job.
"go." you spoke almost emotionally, and you looked down in guilt thinking about how taeyong would feel if he found about this — his best student let him down, on purpose. you didn't even try hard.
"thank you so much." he mumbled, then ran off down the side of the building. i sighed, wiping the sweat from my forehead, that wasn't even the worst something could have been.
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"did she fall for it? dude, if she did i'm signing you up as an actor, because you just tricked a cop into having sympathy for you." jaemin jumped over the ripped up couch they had in what they would call a living room. jaemin was one of the boys that usually stayed put, he would be the one flirting with the store owner while some of the others stole whatever they needed.
"of course she did, i really deserve an oscar, i even fake cried. it was quite easy to be honest, because it wasn't leader boy taeyong or their 'best cop' yuta, what cop doesn't know how to chase down a bunch of teens? i think she was new, i haven't seen her before." the boys had been in trouble with the police on multiple occasions, at this point they were now the main criminals the police were after.
a bunch of young boys they just wanted to spend their life in the most adventurous way.
"you probably scared the poor girl to death, you really could've just pretended you were a random guy walking around, this place isn't blocked off. because now she knows what you look like, well done." renjun rolled his eyes, eating a packet of doritos that they'd recently stolen from one of the stores. 
renjun didn't really do much to do with the boys, he just took care of them all. he cooked for them with the help of jaemin, he made sure they felt safe where they were. all because he was scared of losing them.
"they're invading our privacy, i'd just say were six, innocent boys that got kicked out of our parents houses because they didn't care about us." renjun rolled his eyes at donghyuck's response, the orange haired boy looked like the fluffiest person alive, but he really wasn't — he was the most dangerous one of the group, the one who was treated the worst. he wasn't scared to go up to someone and threaten them, hurt them. and that scared the others too.
"renjun where are the other doritos, i swear we took more than one packet." jisung walked into the room, smiling when he finally saw jeno was back. jisung was a lookout, he stayed at their, well home, watching out for any people and jeno was the first to leave to lead them away when jisung was worrying over the police outside.
honestly, jeno really could not care less if he went to prison, but there was no way he could leave his friends behind and be split from them because it would have broke him.
"i ate it, sorry." chenle giggled, running away as jisung ran after him shouting over the face he claimed that packet.
"i kinda feel bad about it you know? it was easy to get rid of her, but she was new clearly and probably trained for that shit for years, and i just ruined it for her." he mumbled, taking a seat and taking a deep breath. jaemin patted his back with a smile on his face.
"well you did it buddy, we're proud of you." renjun stood up whispering 'it was a stupid decision' under his breath. renjun really hated the way they did things, but he knew it was the way they survived, and he was already in a bad mood today after jaemin and donghyuck had a bad argument of which he had to spend time sorting out.
"i guess i'll just have to hope i don't have to do that again."
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when you got back, you told taeyong you hadn't found anything and the whole place was abandoned, that one comment had threw off the whole job because they decided to search in other places on the other side of town, where the group of boys weren't set.
it had been a couple of days since then, and everything was starting to get messy for you. you couldn't concentrate nor could you sleep at night thinking about the boy you'd encountered. you'd learnt so much about how important it was to check people's body language, but you hadn't once looked at him below his face because he scared you. you weren't fit to go against criminals.
one night, you decided to just go on a little walk in hope that it would calm you down a little bit. grabbing your coat, you walked outside and breathed in the fresh air. it was late at night, maybe around eleven pm. when you still lived with your parents, you used to sneak out a lot when you were younger for these types of walks. you used to go to the same park every time but you moved farm far away from there and it saddened you that you couldn't go there now — you would've been a lot calmer there instead of walking down the streets walking past closing shops, making it become slightly darker as the light from the shops were off.
behind you, light footsteps were heard and you swallowed the lump in your throat, starting to walk faster. looking around, you looked for any signs of open shops you could go in but there was nothing. everything was closed. you brought up the courage to turn around, and noticed an extremely tall man behind you.
"are you following me?" you asked and he gave a small smirk, yeah, he was definitely following you. "are you going to answer or not? i don't have time for this."
"i just couldn't help myself, you just looked so delicious." you gagged at his words, you almost laughed. it was disguising, he looked disgusting, his teeth were pure yellow and his clothes were ripped, his hair was extremely greasy.
"i'd appreciate it if you left me alone, i've got things to do and you're interrupting it." you didn't know where this sudden confidence in yourself had come from, but you liked it. he reached in to grab your arm, and you tried to move from his grip but he was much stronger than you. "get  your hands off me, in work at a police station and i could get you sent down right now with one push of a button. now get the fuck of me." you scowled, but the man continued to drag you into the alley way right next to you, how convenient for him.
pushing you up against the wall, his face was getting closer and closer to you, then you remember, he has a dick. so, you lifted your knee up high and used all of the energy you had to knee him, causing him to groan in pain and pull away from you. you tried running, but it didn't work as he grabbed you leg, pulling you back and pushing you down on the floor.
"i like the ones who try to get away." he whispered in your ear, dragging his lips from your ear down to your neck and you whimpered, you were absolutely terrified. that was until the man was ripped away, but your vision had gotten blurry so you had no idea who it was and could only hear the voices of others.
"jeno, get off him you're killing him!"
"no,no i'm enjoying watching this, this dick deserves to die. i swear we've come across him about five times doing the same thing, i think we should let him kill him this time."
"jae, we'll get in trouble. jeno will be in deep shit do you want that?"
"yah, i didn't think of that... hyuck pick up the girl, we can't just leave her here."
you felt arms wrap around your waist and you wanted to fight back but slowly, you were passing out. and everything was black.
when you finally opened your eyes, you were in a somewhat familiar place. it felt like you'd been there before. it was kind of bright so your eyes were hurting, but you sat up quickly to the smell of food.
"oh, she's awake. hi, i'm chenle!" a blonde haired boy appeared in front of you causing you to fall off the couch you were on and let out a small squeak. "woah, are you ok?"
"am i ok? i have no idea where i am!" you shouted, making the blonde haired boy flinch. you felt sort of bad, he seemed innocent enough, and you'd basically scared the crap out of him.
"jesus fucking christ could you be any loude- oh, that wasn't chenle making all the noise this time." another boy appeared from behind the couch and you were official in complete confusion. you remembered everything that happened last night, but you don't remember being in an abandoned building. and it hit you, these were the boys you were supposed to be searching for. "i'm jaemin, do whatever you want with that information i guess."
"i have food!" and now more people were walking into the room, and you recognised one right off the bat.
"it's you! you're the one that i almost arrested but didn't!" you shouted as you stood up, and the dark haired boy rolled his eyes and groaned.
"and you're the one that almost got me in shit when i was doing nothing wrong." he spoke and you placed your hands in your face.
"do you realise how much trouble i could get in for being here? i could get fired and i've hardly even started yet. i need to go-" you stood up and grabbed your stuff which was placed next to the couch, your coat was folded nicely and your phone, credit card and things like that were placed on the table in front of it.
you were sort of confused of why they didn't steal from you, put parts of your brain were telling you it was rude to assume they stole from everyone.
"no, before you go, promise you won't say anything about us." one of them grabbed your arm, and he looked slightly more petite then the others, less stronger, but strong non the less.
you sighed and looked at them all, "i promise i won't say anything about you."
and from that day on, you became the six boys favourite person. you become good friends with them despite it being a sin to your job, but they were the cutest things alive, you wouldn't think they'd be going around stealing, you really couldn't get over it.
something unusual had developed between you and jeno to which you didn't understand, it was like you disliked each other but we're the closest in the group at the same time. despite that, everything was getting better for them because of you. you'd helped them furnish the place a bit better, with the money you were getting from your job as an officer — ironic.
"y/n! donghyuck keeps hitting me again! i swear i didn't take your pillow, why in the fuck would i take your pillow?" jaemin shouted from across the room and you almost had ripped donghyuck's hair. today had been ten times harder to cope with them all.
"i'll take care of it, don't worry. maybe you should go take a nap or something, you seem really tired today." renjun smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder, i nodded my head and walked to one of the back rooms where the beds were. there were only six beds, so you just jumped on the first one you set eyes on.
after a few minutes, you heard a small chuckle, "what are you doing in my bed?" jeno asked and you felt the bed dip when he sat down.
"i'm tired, hyuck and jaemin won't shut up, jisung and chenle are being hype and it seems like you and renjun are the only sane ones around here." you mumbled, turning around to face him.
the more you turned up here, the more you realised how pretty each and every feature of jeno was, and just looking at him made you happy.
"why are you staring at me?” he asked, you quickly looked away and you could feel him smirking at you, he knew exactly what you were thinking. “hey, look at me.” you turned your head, and soon enough jeno’s hands were on your waist with your hands around his neck and his lips on top of yours.
even just from that, you were scared. it reminded you of that night all those weeks ago. you trusted jeno wholeheartedly, but even just his hands going under your shirt, making your burning hot skin freezing cold whenever he moved them.
“j-jeno...” you moaned lightly as his hands moved from your lips down your neck.
“it’s okay.” he mumbled on your skin, his hands were slowly moving to the waistband of your pants, but the mood was quickly interrupted when jaemin had burst into the room.
“guys, renjun made us food an- oh my god i knew this was going to happen but jesus, i didn’t want it to happen in front of me. i’ll just tell renjun to put your food i-” jaemin was rambling, and his face was slowly becoming redder and redder at the sight.
“could you, like, leave jaemin.” jeno asked and jaemin nodded, and shut the door.
you and jeno looked at each other, and immediately burst out laughing. there was no way the mood was going to go back to how it was before jaemin burst into the room.
“i was thinking, maybe i should leave the dream of being a police officer behind.” you lay next to each other, but jeno quickly sat up to look at you with a shocked face.
“what? why? when you first started coming here often you’d talk about all the things you did, how long you spent working for it.” he asked and you shrugged.
“i like you guys more than i like my job, i like you a lot more than my job.” she smiled, as his lips placed on yours again.
“i like you a lot too.”
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