Ok reading the stolen heir and yes it is very Holly Black TM which some ppl like and some hate, but also, can I just say, I love her female protags?? Like maybe I'm just Getting Old and reading fewer and fewer teen and YA books, but sooooo many teen girl protags are either: manic pixie, Strong Independent Woman, or so personality-less that they easily serve as an interlocutor for the reader. Theres perhaps a time and place for all of these, but Holly Black's girls are complicated and multifaceted, mean and independent, but wanting and desperate, like. Ok. I'm not gonna oversell it. It IS YA, it's not peak human literature, and it's not like these are the most complex well developed fleshed out protagonists ever, but her girls feel closer to actual conflicting desires messy lived lives of teen girls than most YA books

Just like. The basic recognition of not being a completely one dimensional person or entirely defined by a single trope. Astounding To Me.

i'm well aware this is divorced from the original purpose of zombies but as they exist in modern pop culture and general knowledge i'd like to talk about my personal, emotional experience with them. the idea that is. never met a zombie in real life that i know of

okay so i do not like the walking dead, zombieland, apocalyptic horror (just taste based, not my thing, more anxiety/despair inducing than scary) but flicks like night of the living dead, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (!!), general concepts of zombies always terrify and enthrall me. the things that have always terrified me abt zombies have been

the degredation of your own humanity and loss of control over ur body and

the kind of suffocating inevitability of the real monster being the virus, because you can kill a zombie but you cant really kill a virus.

this of course has been obviously effected by the current pandemic, which has shown me how inescapable the need for human spaces and contact is, and how many people can be capable of infecting you at once. like just hordes of other human beings. werewolves are wolves and vampires are vampires but zombies are (often) dead people without the capacity for reason. just the loss of yourself not thru death but thru zombification and the lack of humanity in the enemy. there is only so much you can do to keep from being sick, and i fear and dread societal collapse in media, i hate loss i hate it when people don't have their things and i hate when they can't be with each other. as a child i developed a mild agoraphobia until i reasoned that zombies can't climb stairs so any elevated location is safe because people are all over this planet. theyre everywhere! zoo wee mama!

when i say scared i mean my kind of primal childhood fear reactions, because i had a really very bad fear of zombies when i was a smalltime. in terms of now, my conscious view of them, yall know i love izombie and i love in the flesh too, when it comes to classic monsters i pick zombies over vampires and werewolves. this is because i

always feel the need to pay attention to whatever or whoever is getting the least attention. it makes me sad that nobody wants to be a zombie because what if zombies saw that wouldnt they be sad. they dont have any powers they're the underdog here and that's my archetype

generally develop fixations on or fetishes for the things that scare me the most. i feel like me and zombies have been through a lot, they're the monster i grew up thinking about because i was scared of them, and there's this belief i have that monsters won't hurt you if you're kind to them instead of afraid, so it's sort of a coping thing i suppose

i think decay rot and disease and grossness and corruption of the flesh and dead bodies are sick + awesome + cool. totally rules. i LOVE the idea of conscious zombies because to experience the degredation and destruction of your body, but not through pain (werewolves) and to experience your own death but not in the sense of living beyond death alone, stretching into immortality (vampires) but like, being a corpse watching those around you treat you like one but feeling and thinking everything a human does is crazy. eating brains is crazy, thats thoughts, you cant feed on someone you love like a vampire that is permanently destructive and repulsive and messy. awesome

and so ends my catechism (i am going to keep talking about this)

helloooo Afhiri sounds SO lovely. can you tell me more about how they feel at the start of act 1 about her predicament with the tadpoles, her companions, etc etc if you want!!

it might be cruel to say that they're pretty damn simple . actually no its not ive decided theyre pretty damn simple. literally wakes up and has a panic attack because where is flute?? where flute?? WHERE. FLU TE? flute was no where to be seen (depression). a very sad clown exploring this ship literally with minimum interest because flute :( flute :( this is a child who has lost their autistic hyperfixation toy.

lae'zel is hot. the sword scene is hot. hiri has immediate gay panic and forgets flute for 2 whole seconds. asks lae'zel if seen flute. lae'zel doesn't even know what a flute is.. smh. sticks around because was told to. does whats told (for now........ ominous.) so to start lae'zel is literally party lead this clown is NOT a protagonist (for now...... no im not making that joke twice)

SHADOWHEART IS HOT... absolutely ignores lae'zel to free shadowheart. literally dumbass tries to pull the door off. lae'zel ends up being the one like "maybe u should look around if u INSIST on saving this HALF ELF." frees shadowheart :) oh my god you have an autistic hyperfixation too?? your rock is so cool!!!!!!!

the flute is not rescued. please F's in chat for the lost flute of afhiri's childhood. her father made her that flute and it's DEAD. AND THERE WASN'T EVEN TIME FOR A FUNERAL.

the first thing they do after hoarding all of the fish on the beach like a little goblin creature is find gale's portal. shiny. Oh My God is that an arm without a body? that is Soooo cool...... high fives. they free him of course!!! used bard Magicks to calm that shit down and free the silly man. she finds him SOOO silly. he is such a silly little guy. his lil expressions and hand movements are SO funny. she wants to get acting classes from him so she can be just as funny and then she'll rank up in Clown. she's sure of it. (he is a clown to her. a truly excellent clown. there's real talent..........)

after that she gets knife throat by astarion :( not very nice of you :( i would have given you money if u wanted :( oh not a robbery? OH WE'RE WORM BUDDIES? friendship acquired :) they genuinely don't have any more thoughts rly at the start because he is mean and she doesn't understand its mean and looks at him stupidly like a dog who cannot understand the new word u just said. tilts head :)

their friendship stat is SO high all of a sudden. this clown has had NO friends their entire damn life (weirdo coded) and suddenly they've got SOOO many best friends oh my god they're so excited for the campfire stories hehee :)

next is oh my godd its the hot. gi..gi... Girlfriend? :) no its gith u stupid clown. get pied. ANYWAY tells the tieflings some absolute BULLSHITERY. this clown is So good at lying (this is a positive. their moral code is kinda messy.) and frees lae'zel :) shadowheart doesn't trust lae'zel but how can you Not when she's Also Green? I'm Green? You're Green? Da Ba Dee

after that its oh my god is that A GOBLIN? never seen a goblin before. finds them extremely cute. they're also kind of green (positive). and A WARG? can i PET IT? No? It'll eat me? bite off my hand? chew up my suit? this is supreme sadness. wait- flute still gone. that's supreme sadness. ALSO WYLL IS FUN!!!! wyll gives her fairytale hero prince vibes and is absolutely fascinated and thinks as a bard should sing of his tale because hes so cool (please don't trust them. they will make him sound like a fool.)

hearing about the spooky scary teeth-ling from wyll is super!! exciting!!!! a devil?? fought in devil war?? fire?? death?? epic story . we must find out more (not to kill. to talk to. must have some REALLY COOL STORIES!!!) very easy to convince wyll not to kil- OH MY GOD HOT?? HOT? ?? literally hot. this is the most Supreme Gay Panic. afhiri never thought about girls (or boys) like this before. none of the Lads give the Panik.. but these girls are a little too much (fainting vibes) also karlach is so fun :) daydreams about karlach throwing her like a javelin into battle

the tadpole though :/ they don't know!! everyone keeps saying. bad! evil! bad! removal! death! kill! and they're like :/ idk guys.. worms are kinda cute. u ever seen a worm do a lil wiggle on some mud? its so cool.. i wish i was a worm..... everyone is concerned. do not trust them with decisions (they trust them with decisions. they are All stupid.) they name the worm. the worm is named little buddy. it's not creative. it's not a name. but this is Little Buddy and she talks to her little buddy sometimes. she even wrote it a song. (she doesn't consume more little buddies. that's weird.. this is HER little buddy and those are OTHER little buddies. there's only one little buddy for her....)

extra: GUARDIAN. oooohhhhh my god .. never seen someone soooooo CLOWN. (this is false. guardian looks nothing like a clown. theyre projecting HARD. guardian plays along because this is clearly going to work better than being Hot and Mysterious). trust them explicitly (reminder: not smart), treats like another Best Friend like the squad. gets sad they don't ever join them in camp for her performances. does private performances sometimes :)

DOUBLE EXTRA: the possession.. of Flute 2.

a daring tale of (gale takes some of the squads money and buys them a flute. cannot bare to see the sad puppy dog eyes any longer.) AN INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE OF PERIL AND DANGER... THERE WAS GNOLLS AND GOBLINS AND MAYBE A BEHOLDER!!!!! gale.. an incredibly brave adventurer.. this is going in his next song

Bells + eyebags for the asks?

bells: what sounds are your favorite or calm you the most?

I am a BIG, big BIG fan of sound, I have a lot of faves for different reasons, here is a whole list :)

All the noises my current / now passed dogs have made. My baby Keto is very vocal and whiny and he woofs in his sleep and it just. Always manages to make me smile so wide. His litte murfs when he's throwing a tantrum r very good. Casanova, one of the dogs I used to have, was a beagle, but like a really big one, and had a really weirdly deep woofy bark otherwise standard for beagles. I'm for ever sad that I don't have it on film bc no other beagle woofing will ever replicate that no matter how many stupid beagle barking videos i look up bc i have a sappy brain and idk i just. I love very intensly. I also rly like the huffs of horses!!!!! When u kiss them on the snout and theyr like :) sniffff huf it's so precious.

Rain & the ocean !!!! Any sound of water is just immersive to me. It catches me off guard. It just. I don't know how to explain it but water is so otherworldly to me.

Factory noises. I grew up next to a factory & playing the silent hill games, so that kinda humming & metallic soundscape is very comforting to me. It feels like home. I live in the countryside nowdays (well i have an apt in the town i go to school at but I still call my parents home Home bc yk ; w ; im kinda like that) and it's been incredibly good for my mental health but i miss factory noises... i rly like to sometimes just listen to my computers hum etc. V calming

Kinda similiarly car noises, some of my favourite memories r just from sitting in a car while someone else is driving, maybe talking, maybe not.

Storks !!!!!!! Means summer and spring and happiness!!

PETER LUKASES VOICE ON THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES CHILLS ME TF OUT

VERY rambly my apologies but I really like listening to things it's exiting ; v ;

eyebags: what do you think makes a person attractive?

I REALLY don't know a proper answer for this. Its a bit all over. I think, most important to me is a connection. At a glance i kind of fall into the trap of "i can fix them" kinda situations but also... really not? It's more that I'm attracted to the idea of not struggling alone, being understood, understanding someone else, finding a form of mutual nurturing and helping eachother stand up. I apprechiate someone who understand why I get so emotional about silly things like the sky n shit, and I want to get someone, I want to get their things and even if I don't, I wanna support them and make them know they're loved. Struggles are usually the easiest way for me to CONNECT w someone, but sometimes I just click over stupid stuff and go head over heels for literally anyone. I like all kinds of personalities and vibes and energies, it just depends on a random click.

Appearences wise idk I kinda just like Messy people. Furiosa types. Dunno why.