every day i am so glad i reworked quicksilver before ever posting about him bc whenever i remember the very first version of him i feel ill

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #239

Thur Dec 17 2020 [10:52 PM] Umbramatic: :O [10:52 PM] Wack'd: I'm gonna guess Batman. You'd never expect that

[10:53 PM] Umbramatic: its the spanish inquisition [10:54 PM] Wack'd: So this mystery guest is a woman with short black hair, having come to see the Four all the way from Arizona on a matter of life or death. She also mentions in thought balloons that

"It's been so long--so many years since we last saw each other. I wonder if he ever thinks of me--of us."

[10:55 PM] Bocaj: I don't think I know of anyone with black hair [10:55 PM] Wack'd: Lucky for her, especially given it's the dead of night, the Four's little corner of the Baxter now has a receptionist. Uh. Kinda.

[10:57 PM] Wack'd: Reed meanwhile has been up for three days straight trying to fix the current Ben related-fuckup. He blamed himself, of course. Sue tries to reassure him that Ben probably doesn't hold him accountable [10:58 PM] Wack'd: Huh!

[10:58 PM] Wack'd: You know what? Fair dues. I did not see this coming. [10:59 PM] maxwellelvis: Doctors Hate Her! [10:59 PM] Bocaj: I always thought of Aunt Petunia not appearing until later [10:59 PM] Bocaj: In my mind she was sort of a the ghost for a while in the sense of sir not appearing [10:59 PM] Wack'd: I mean hey, twenty years is a hell of a while. [10:59 PM] maxwellelvis: As an aside, from what I remember of Ben's wedding, it looks like Aunt Petunia started aging in real time as if the Four had gotten their powers NOW as in 1982 [11:00 PM] Wack'd: "Doctors Hate Her!" Funny you say that max because Ben describes Petunia as a "genuine country doctor." [11:00 PM] maxwellelvis: Ha! [11:01 PM] Wack'd: So Petunia meets the gang. Sue mentions she was expecting someone older, which Petunia takes in stride [11:02 PM] Wack'd: It turns out Petunia married into the family. She, uh. Well. [11:02 PM] Wack'd: Ben's Uncle Jake got into an auto accident, which killed his wife. Petunia, then a student nurse, became his medical student, and then his wife. [11:02 PM] Wack'd: That...sure is a course of events! [11:03 PM] Bocaj: 😬 [11:03 PM] Bocaj: That feels like it fits into a trend with Byrne [11:03 PM] Wack'd: Doesn't it just. (Though I will again point out he is not responsible for Sue having been creepily young when she and Reed hooked up. That's Lee.) [11:04 PM] maxwellelvis: I can see why Slott decided to retcon Aunt Petunia into the grandmotherly type for the wedding. [11:04 PM] Bocaj: Oh now I know where MCU Aunt May has absorbed life force from [11:04 PM] Wack'd: So the "life or death" matter involves her home out in Arizona with Jake. The whole town is in danger of being "frightened to death." [11:05 PM] maxwellelvis: So call Mystery Incoporated [11:05 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh wait, this is 1982, Mystery Inc.'s broken up. [11:06 PM] Wack'd: So. Uh. This is Uncle Jake.

[11:06 PM] Wack'd: And this is Aunt Petunia.

[11:07 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah, she'd have to have a few more gray hairs than that if she's known Ben since he was a boy, I think. [11:07 PM] Wack'd: She does not seem to have. [11:08 PM] Wack'd: So the Four arrive in Benson, Arizona, and the narration informs us that Ben had been the only one who approved of Jake marrying Petunia, and. [11:09 PM] maxwellelvis: That's what all the instances of Ben invoking her name had led me to believe. [11:09 PM] Wack'd: Look I want to take for granted this is messed up and move on but the damn book seems dead set against me doing this. [11:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Well, anyways, I guess that means we've hit the OTHER side of John Byrne's run. [11:10 PM] maxwellelvis: Aspect, perhaps [11:10 PM] Wack'd: Sue mentions we don't know much about Ben's past. Ben says his mom and died died when he was a teen and Jake raised him. [11:10 PM] Wack'd: (We don't really know much of Reed's past at this point, though I am given to understand this will also change in the near future.) [11:11 PM] maxwellelvis: This part is just Byrne telling Steve Gerber he can fuck off. [11:11 PM] Wack'd: Gerber, I assume, would instruct Bryne to get in line. [11:12 PM] Wack'd: Racism? Anyone want some racism? Anyone think what this story could really use, right about now, is some racism?

[11:13 PM] Bocaj: Eesh [11:13 PM] maxwellelvis: (Gerber I think was one of the first writers to use the "Ben grew up on Yancy St." backstory) [11:14 PM] maxwellelvis: (Unless he didn't write that issue of Marvel Two-In-One, in which case it would probably be Roy Thomas that Byrne was dismissing here) [11:16 PM] maxwellelvis: (I would look this up, but I physically cannot get to my Essential 2-in-1 collection atm) [11:16 PM] Wack'd: So Ruth's child assistant(?) Wendy is upset that Ruth, rather than just appreciating the arrowhead, started a whole excavation. She has fond memories of this place because when her mom was sick they'd come to the site and collect rocks and whatnot. [11:16 PM] Wack'd: So that's not ominous.

[11:17 PM] Wack'd: We skip forward to that night, where two of Ruth's more non-child students are doing some late-night archeology. A mist comes at them and then BAM! Scared to death! [11:18 PM] Wack'd: MEANWHILE IN THE HIMALAYAS [11:19 PM] maxwellelvis: I was putting something in the oven, thinking "Oh man, it better not be the Miracle Man again" and then we cut to the Himalayas [11:19 PM] Wack'd: Quicksilver has been fighting some kind of war, apparently, while Crystal--suffering complications from a half-mutant half-Inhuman pregnancy--is being treated by whoever this guy is.

[11:20 PM] Wack'd: Pietro here is apparently the only guy in all of Attilan who's not come down with some sort of mysterious disease. [11:20 PM] maxwellelvis: He looks like the Leader, if the Leader was slowly turning into a raisin. [11:20 PM] Wack'd: And Attilan is being destroyed, leaving Pietro as their only hope. [11:21 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh yeah, he just looks like the PICTURE of health here, don't he [11:21 PM] Umbramatic: gfrtvtigyhhuihjio;opkp [11:21 PM] Bocaj: The funny thing is that mutant and inhuman genes apparently cancel out [11:22 PM] Bocaj: Or Crystal and Pietro won the silliest genetic lottery [11:22 PM] Wack'd: Back in Arizona, Reed is having no luck cracking the case, while Frankie and Wendy get some bonding time in

[11:23 PM] Wack'd: So, uh. Because this story just did not have enough going on, it turns out Wendy's dad is beating her. [11:23 PM] Umbramatic: oh [11:24 PM] Wack'd: Frankie tries to intervene but Wendy begs her to back off, so she figures there's nothing to be done and leaves. [11:24 PM] Bocaj: Comic are you sure you're up to this content [11:25 PM] Wack'd: I feel like Reed should be caught a bit more flatfooted by someone he looks up to intellectually telling him he can't fix things with guesswork.

[11:26 PM] Wack'd: Sue and Ben want to take action of some kind but Reed points out that, uh, they can't really punch their way out of this one. [11:27 PM] maxwellelvis: I'd make more scooby-doo jokes, but John Byrne deciding to put a Very Special Episode in here has kind of made that feel... not so fun anymore. [11:28 PM] Wack'd: That night, Wendy sneaks out of her house to go talk to the mists. Turns out that’s who her wonderful friends are. [11:30 PM] Wack'd: I think she wants to beg them for mercy? The narration boxes get kinda cryptic. Anyway if that's what she's done, it reeeaaally doesn't work.

[11:30 PM] Wack'd: "What was that about not being able to fight our way out?" [11:32 PM] Bocaj: I think Slott revisited some of this [11:32 PM] Bocaj: I vaguely remember mists and gremlins when Franklin and Valeria were staying with aunt petunia post wedding [11:33 PM] Bocaj: But as it was the same story where Sue made Doom naked on a live broadcast the details escape me [11:33 PM] Wack'd: So on top of these weird things the entire town is now also set on fire and also in a giant windstorm. The Four put out the fires but the damage is done and most of the town decides to evacuate. [11:33 PM] Umbramatic: oh yes that one [11:35 PM] Wack'd: what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

[11:36 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh of COURSE Byrne has Reed sympathize with an abusive parent. [11:37 PM] Wack'd: Okay so for starters, because this is the thing I'm the least mad about, everything about this resolution is fucking nonsense. We know basically nothing about any of the other people who got "frightened to death" and so as the readers had no ability to draw upon our own knowledge of their morality or why they might not be able to handle seeing visions of their worst selves. [11:37 PM] Wack'd: From there we get to the fact that, for all the ways Ruth and Reed protested earlier, this is a massive pile of assumptions with absolutely no backing in fact or evidence. [11:37 PM] Umbramatic: geez [11:38 PM] Wack'd: Speaking of Ruth, she said that the arrowhead was crucial, and Ben speculated that may be the excavation released the spirits and they needed to be re-buried. They don't out right say it, but this may as well be a "ancient Indian burial ground" plot. [11:39 PM] Umbramatic: yeesh [11:39 PM] Wack'd: And from there we get, yes, Reed saying that their job is not to judge people, therefore they can't do anything about an abusive parent. Which is frankly just moral cowardice and also really gross. [11:40 PM] maxwellelvis: And also a grim portent of things to come in this era. [11:41 PM] Wack'd: And so the story ends, with. I think the implication is that Wendy asked her "friends" to take care of her dad for her? Which is okay, I guess, but doesn't really fix the way everybody else reacts to this.

[11:42 PM] Wack'd: The story is also just plain all over the place. There's absolutely no reason for the characters who get the Four involved in the plot to be Ben's Aunt Petunia--except-- [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Oh. The whole town got judged. [11:43 PM] Wack'd: Did John Bryne really just write a plot where a bunch of cosmic arbiters of justice basically give the okay to marrying your student [11:43 PM] maxwellelvis: RED FLAG [11:44 PM] Wack'd: This a lot, huh. [11:45 PM] Wack'd: Well, maybe whatever Inhumans nonsense is going on will help clear my head.