...

Survey #518

“i got bullets in the booth  /  rather be your victim than be with you”

Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah. What games do you play on your smart phone? Only really Pokemon GO, but I also have DragonVale and Dragons of Atlantis installed. May I just say I REALLY miss when DoA was a computer game??? It was so much better. Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? Stiiiill Ozzy. What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Uh milk, eggs, and cheese. Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? They are 100% indoor pets. They deserve warmth and comfort and company, and the world DOES NOT need more stray/lost dogs that aren't spayed/neutered. I do believe mostly bigger breeds absolutely do need time outside to run and burn all that extra energy, so either have a well-enforced fence AND SUPERVISE or take them out on a leash to walk. I feel really strongly about this stuff because the incredible population of unwanted cats and dogs alike is absolutely heart-wrenching to me, and something needs to be done about it. Please for the love of god do your part if you have cats and/or dogs. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? I love sunsets when there are layered or stringy clouds in the sky to make beautiful designs. You fill your best friend's Xmas stocking, what do you put in it? If I had the money to do it, certainly a Frieza figurine, I know she likes gluten-free Oreos (I don't know many gluten-free snacks so that's all I got for treats lol), annnnd maybe like some snake-oriented stuff. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? Eek, idk. I think it would depend on Roman's reaction to the kitten; I feel like he'd get EXTREMELY jealous. I wouldn't mind another cat, but I'm just happy with my one boy and don't want to upset him in any way. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out? Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you do anything to recognize St. Patrick's Day? No. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? A wake, yes. It was for my childhood babysitter. Who mows the lawn at your house? One of the dads at the dance studio my sister works at. Where do you keep your phone at night? Also on my bed, beside my pillow. Do you feel comfortable asking your parents or grandparents for money? NO. Best Happy Meal toy you ever got? Oh my god, do y'all remember those little puppies they used to put in the boxes? Those in specific stand out to me, so I guess those. Do you make lists? For certain things, yes. Do you make pro/con lists before making a decision? Not usually. Do you like romantic gestures or do they make you feel awkward? I think they're sweet. What song is playing right now? I'm actually watching a Parasite Eve let's play by Super Best Friends Play. I'm in a PE episode again, ha ha, and I decided to check out a new channel. They're pretty damn funny. What year did you/will you graduate high school? Um I wanna say 2014? It's blurry by now. What state is your favorite? I don't know, it's not like I've visited many whatsoever. Have you ever had fake nails? Once, for prom. Or maybe I took them off? I don't even remember. Are there any framed pictures of you in the room you're in? No. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Yes; it's extremely common. What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? I barely remember. I think it was a cavity filling? What field of science interests you the most? Genetics. But I also love psychology. And science in general. Do you have any family that live in another country? No. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Yeah, she's a great teacher. As a kid, did you love playing on Neopets? Neopets honestly started my computer addiction. I was ooooobsessed. I go through spells of wanting to create an account again, haha. What is the background on your desktop? Why’d you choose that? I recently changed it to another of my favorite pics of Teddy. His face in this one is so fucking precious, and I might even apply it to my tribute tattoo. Are you one of those people who keep everything charged (iPod etc.)? Not really. I am mega bad at not charging my phone and just keeping it dead for like a day. My laptop, however, is always plugged in, even if I know you shouldn't do that. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? I really don't, so long as it's mint. I can't handle a bad flavor. Do you often get bitten by mosquitos, or rarely ever? It's actually quite rare. I've heard it's because of blood types, where O is the most appealing to them, and others, like mine, are less tempting for mosquitos, and I'd believe it. It's something my family always picks fun at my lil sister about; she gets DEVOURED, and go figure, O is her blood type. You get $500 for you birthdaaaay. What do you spend it on? Now if I got that much, it'd honestly be very hard to not get a tattoo, but I'm reeeaaally tryna be responsible here, so I suppose I'd take care of my glasses situation first, then finish getting stuff for my snake's tank. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah, just because I'm not interested in owning one. What did you get your first trophy/medal for? I don't remember; either childhood sports or A honor roll ones in elementary school. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Sure, especially when I'm trying to sleep, even though I don't want to. My brain can just never, ever be quiet. What I think about just varies. Is your display picture in black and white? On Facebook? No. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Me, as well as others. When was the last time you played Guitar Hero? It's been years. Are you taller than your siblings? No. Well wait, I think I'm taller than Misty, but I can't remember for sure. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? No. I absolutely hate being in pictures, especially if I'm not taking it. Are you afraid of lizards? No, I love all reptiles. How legible is your signature? I'd say you can read it pretty clearly. Do you have pictures of clouds on your cell phone? No. When you invite people to your house do you usually hang out in your room? No; there's nothing to really do in my room. There's only my bed to sit on and no TV. It's just meant for me doing shit on my laptop. Have you ever seen your crush/current bf/gf cry? I haven't seen my current one cry, no. Do you own any Spongebob merchandise? No. Are you closer to your mom’s side of the family or your dad’s? I haven't seen any of my dad's relatives (minus my half-sister) since I was a young child, so I kinda have to say my mom's. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. They're pretty, but I don't want a highly venomous spider as a pet. When hanging out with your bf or gf, what do you like doing most? I enjoy playing games together, given we're both gamers. Do you have a tattoo? If you do, describe the pain you went thru when getting it done. I have six, and each one was unique given their locations as well as how long they took. It's always the worst when it first starts, in my experience; then your adrenaline kicks in or whatever the science is and the pain like... dulls. It becomes more tolerable. The whole experience really isn't that bad, and the pain is so incredibly worth it to up your confidence in your body and appreciation of the art. Have you ever used torrents? Yes. How can we tell if you are in a bad mood? My face WILL show it. I know I glare like a motherfucker when I'm feeling sour. I have very little control over my facial expressions. How are you when you’re in a really good mood? I'm way more talkative and tend to be louder. When you’re bored in class, what do you do? I was always busy paying attention in class at school. Do you have anything that is autographed? By who? No. Do you have a problem with swimming in a pond or lake? I didn't as a kid, but I do now as an adult that is aware and terrified of parasites, ha ha. Does anyone in your family go hunting or fishing? Dad LOVES to go fishing. Do you have a birdbath in your yard? No, but that'd be cool. What was the highlight of your day? Uhhhhh idk, today's been uneventful. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? NO. Are you keeping a secret that would shock people if they found out? Probably. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. What are the bad things you’ve heard people say about you? I'm a martyr, a bad influence, lazy, a bitch, not going anywhere... Does your mom think you’re a virgin? Yes. Would you rather get high or have sex right now? Well right now I'm on my period so I'm nooot into the latter. I'd try an edible, though. Do you keep condoms in your room? No. Do you celebrate Christmas? Yes. What’s something you would like to improve at? Drawing. Do you believe you have great potential? Ugh idk. What’s one thing that you get a lot of compliments on? My writing. Do you think you look better with short or long hair? SHORT. Are you proud of yourself for the way you are living? FUCK no. Do you leave your house everyday? Is this for work, exercise, socializing or something else? No. I don't even leave my house weekly. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? I don't, but I absolutely would not judge an adult for doing so. You do you, boo. That is like such a harmless thing to get bent out of shape about. The last time you got up from where you’re sitting, where did you go and what did you do? I got up to grab a drink and use the bathroom. Would you rather read an erotic novel or watch an erotic film? Eh, that's a pass, but if I had to, a book. I'd strongly prefer to not ~see~ anything. Who taught you how to tell the time on a proper analogue clock? Um, I'm pretty sure I learned in school. What’s your favourite way to make your home smell good? Do you spend a lot of money on making this happen? I love incense most, but I don't really use it anymore. These days I use a wax melt. We don't spend a grand amount of money on making the house smell pristine; we have pets, so it never will. How long have you had the computer/tablet you’re currently using? Does it need replacing or upgrading? Ummm a couple years or so? It needs to be replaced badly. The keyboard is breaking, and when it's on, it sounds like it's fighting in a goddamn nuclear war. You'd assume it'd explode at any moment. I don't know how it's lasted for as long as it has since the noise started. How often do you wake up in the night needing a pee? At the bare minimum, once. I wake up A LOT throughout a night. Do you like wearing hats? What’s your favourite style? I don't wear them. If you live in a household with pets, who is responsible for their care - both in terms of finance and the physical tasks involved? Mom is responsible for Cookie, and my duties are for Roman and Venus. Mom does, however, help me out when it's time for Venus to have a deep clean of her terrarium, because I can't hold her and scrub the tank and such at the same time. I also don't like the idea of me not supervising her in a container if I was to do it when we have a cat and dog; I want her to be in a comfortable setting, and she trusts me. Mom doesn't mind. What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? I don't care, so long as you can't clearly see your ass or whatever. Have you ever driven in bare feet or do you think that’s too dangerous? No, but I've driven with flipflops, which I really shouldn't do. Do you collect anything? Are these things worth money or are they practical/sentimental items? My biggest collection is my meerkat one, consisting of mostly stuffed animals, but also calendars, figurines, posters, etc., and none of that is particularly expensive, but I adore that collection because meerkats are simply my passion. My second-largest collection is Silent Hill merchandise, and some of it, especially the games where I have the cases and covers, would sell for a pretty penny, but guess who is never selling those. Do you have anything hanging from your ceiling apart from lights? I don't even have a light on my ceiling. We're not allowed to put anything up there.

Have you ever seen a black rose? online only

Is your coffee machine plugged in right now? we don’t own one as we don’t drink coffee Do you write words on your knuckles? I tried few times for fun XD Have you ever been a SCUBA diver for Halloween? wtf Have you ever taken a picture of a sandwich? sure Have you ever seen elephant droppings? I haven’t  Would you like to visit Play Dough Land? :o What’s your opinion on Katy Perry? copycat Who was your favorite character from the cartoon Recess? Spinelli, then Gretchen

Have you ever lost your parents in the grocery store? yeah, I still do and I hate that  Have you drawn a star today? not today but when I was in hospital this week Are you older or younger than fifteen? much older If you can remember, what was the last thing that made you feel nostalgic? Recess being mentioned Are you the type of person who prefers to stay in or go out? stay in Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yep Are you starting to realize anything? sigh... Would you live with someone without marrying them? why not Who was the last person you talked to in person? *mom enters my room*

Who were the last 3 males you talked to? dad and two doctors

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her? omg I realized I was so tired that I didn’t even say hello to my dog wtf... What genre is the song that you’re currently listening to? indiepop/electropop Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it? nope Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing? plenty of times Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy” etc.) wow beautiful, pretty, attractive, cute, adorable, piękna, that she looks amazing/awesome/great, śliczna, urocza, słodka, cudowna...

*it reminds me of one very embarassing high school story: były wigilie klasowe i wyszliśmy rozbawieni z sali, a na korytarzu stała śliczna dziewczyna i na cały głos powiedziałam “ale laska” potem zorientowałam się co właśnie zrobiłam i robiąc facepalma wymaszerowałam ze szkoły, a za mną śmiejące się przyjaciółki, nie dały mi potem o tym długo zapomnieć, a E.W. nawet obczaiła kto to i próbowała się dowiedzieć, czy jest ona lesbą, ale okazało się, że ma chłopaka i demonstracyjnie całowała się z nim na moich oczach parę dni później Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? just water Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? I haven’t Name something you like, that starts with the letter ‘L’. lamps I’m not a moth tho :P When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? not sure when was the last time and/or what it was about How many people have you hugged today? 2 Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex? been really into very dark brown eyes and arm lenght or a bit shorter brown hair mostly like Rosa Salazar (latino and asian women) that’s why Sarah been so my type

but my biggest tumblr crush was Raquey Strange

and my youtube one - Rachel Maksy

*vintage ladies <3 The last song you listened to – does it remind you of anyone? it doesn’t remind me of anyone, it’s from K-12 album

What was the last compliment you received? mom complimented my hair today

Are you more prone to being the social butterfly, or the wallflower? wallflower

Would you rather go to a Katy Perry or Taylor Swift concert? none but Swift if I had to choose

What pattern do the sheets on your bed have? no pattern this time

What languages can you count to ten or higher in? englihs, polish, russian Where did you get the underwear you’re wearing? Auchan

Are you good in painting yopur nails with your left hand? not even with my right one lol Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? very Do you call any of your friends by their last name? that would be weird How long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning? long? Have either of your grandparents ever told you a sexual joke? I don’t recall Would you rather give up the computer or the TV? gave up TV Which room in your house tends to be the coldest in the winter time? bathroom Are you trying to grow out your hair? need to cut my hair but not bangs

How many times does the letter ’t’ occur in your full name? once

What brand is the shirt you’re wearing? I cut the tag but I believe I bought it in Sinsay First person you spoke to today? my mother Name of first boyfriend/girlfriend? dunno who to count First place you lived? same as currently Who was your 1st teacher? not counting pre school and Mrs. Alinka - my aunt  Last person to call you? labor office Last song you heard? Melanie Martinez - Bombs on Monday Morning Last thing you bought? silver glittery ugg slippers :3 Where was your facebook display photo taken? hospital How many people have you kissed in the last 2 weeks? nobody What were you doing at 10 this morning? waking up Have you ever dated an Emily? umm... How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 0 What is the weather like right now? perfect - hot, zephyr, clouds :D why am I not outside?... Where was the last place you went that was more than 30 minutes away? mall Something you wear all the time that you’d feel naked without? panties, unless I’m sleeping

Do you live within an hour of the ocean? not even sea Do you ever do things even though you know you’ll regret it later? sometimes I might :( What are you currently sitting/laying on? my desk chair Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? no but I had a crush on one of them for a moment What do you plan to be doing 2 hours from now? eating? Have you ever been a clown for Halloween? not Halloween What time did you go to bed last night? early and immediately fallen asleep which never happens to me but I was so exhausted that I was falling on my face while I was blow drying my hair When was the last time it rained? yesterday or day before Have you ever made yourself throw up?  no way in hell When was the last time you went camping? middle school? Are you currently wearing anything orange? am not Do you know anyone who is a nurse? neighbor Would you prefer to own a lapdog or a bigger dog? lapdog Are you currently wearing any jewelry? nope Was any of it given to you? - What was the worst thing to happen to you today? health issues, annoying people, nothing new? Do you know anyone who plays guitar? I tried myself Did anyone tell you that you looked nice today? mentioned that in this survey so look above How many missed calls have you had today? two Did you graduate high school within the last 3 years? it’s been over 5 years  If not, will you graduate within the next 3 years? not applicable as you can see Which is coming next: Christmas or your birthday? Christmas Do you have any money on yourself at the moment? mhm Do you sleep in the nude? nope Do you ever walk around the house naked if no one is home? neither What is your favorite way to spend a cool autumn night? sleeping duh! Where was the last place you slept other than your house? hospital Do you have any big plans for the weekend? work in progress, we’ll see, deciding  How many relationships have you been in so far this year? like 1 Have you ever dated someone who had a child? pfft, I dislike kids so... Are you taller than 5'6"? I’m smol 

When was the last time you saw someone you went to high school with?: this year

How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): 30+ years

How long would it take you to walk to the nearest store?: ~10 minutes

How old were you when you got your first smartphone?: 25 or something

Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder?: monkey for a second

Has anyone in your life ever treated you abusively?: majority of society

Do you like The Rolling Stones?: prefer Depeche Mode

What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately?: life

How old were you in 1996? 4

How old will you be in 2026? won’t live that long but 34 What song is playing? Mosimann & MARUV - Mon Amour

Are you better at math or art? art Science or History? science, I’m bad at remembering dates and names

Where did you go to pre-school, if you went at all? my town

Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling? I wouldn’t be able to do such a thing What do you think of the 1980’s? cool :) Is their anything living (plant, animal, etc) in your room right now? me and plants How old is the cellphone you have right now? couple years old What are your initials, using the last letter of each of your names? AA as I’m a woman - dodaj jedno A i będziemy anonimowymi alkoholikami

Are both your parents still living? they are  Can you do a handstand? used to Is it after 11am? it’s almost 5 pm What’s the longest time you’ve ever spent on the phone? talking or doing other stuff? How many pairs of brown shoes do you own? do I even own any?... Are you on any prescribed medications? plan to be sadly Would you ever or do you have a nose piercing? doubt it, thought about septum as a teenager but no longer want it

How many days until Christmas? months Is your mom over 50? she is  How old were you 7 years ago? 21 Do you know what ‘C'est la vie’ means? even tho I don’t know this language  Are you wearing anything red? leggings Do you live in an apartment? house Do you wish on dandelions? I blow them but don’t wish on them Are you drinking anything right now? I’m going to  About how tall is your father? taller than me Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? not personally Have you had your birthday yet this year? in February Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? nah Do you like the color yellow? it’s one of my fav colors Are you an aunt or uncle? yes What is your hair like at the moment? fine What would you name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Black If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? yasss but what about date? Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? with my height? r u serious? Who is the artist/band you’re listening to at the moment? Boy Epic Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? pocket and poster type If you’re single, do you wish you were in a relationship? am in a relationship Were you born in the 1980’s? 90s What was your first favorite movie? animated Robin Hood with a fox and Jumanji also Goonies What was your first trip to the emergency room for? not counting being born too early - I was choking due to the fact I got wrong meds for my lungs, later I ended up in ER as an adult for stomachache (took me in an ambulance) Where was the first place you went today? store What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? dream that I had Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? grandma’s apartment but not exact night as I was just a child What was the last movie you rented? I srsly can not remember Why did you last get angry? neighbor is mowing grass... every single day for whole day long How long ago was your last birthday? half year ago Do you enjoy helping people move or do you not like it? I’ve never helped anyone move 

Have you been taking more or less surveys as of recently? less as I was absent

284

Have you ever seen a comet, asteroid, or any other sky event? I saw the super blue blood moon last January, but other than that you can’t really see other phenomena from this side of the world, which sucks; so I definitely made sure I got a good look at the eclipse because there’s a good chance it will be the only time I would get to see one. Name two celebrities that are over 40 that you'd still bang: Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet. Do "your mom" jokes honestly ever get old? I don’t know about getting old, but I never found them funny. What is the earliest age in your childhood that you can recall? 3. I woke up in a Winnie the Pooh ‘tent’ that my parents had built for me and my sister in their bedroom and called it camping. How often do you have dreams that actually come true? It’s usually when I’m dreading something that I know is going to happen. Like if I had a big test tomorrow, I’m going to be having a dream of me taking some test. My dreams aren’t psychic, they just like portraying what I already know is gonna take place.

Ever experienced that "deja-vu" feeling? Yes, here and there. If you were the first man on the moon, what would you have left there? Leaving a time capsule on the moon would be pretty interesting. Have you ever had your palm read? Fuuuck no. Have you ever paid for something entirely in change? No, but Gabie does it sometimes when she wants to get rid of all her coins and it annoys me to no end. How much money do you think is hiding in your couch right now? Hahahahaha zero. We never leave any in the couch. Would you rather burn on the sun or get sucked into a black hole? I’ve always found the existence of black holes fascinating. I’m no physics major, but I’d rather know what happens when sucked inside one instead of die a boring death by the sun, the worst thing to ever exist. Have you ever used a sewing machine? Yes. We were taught how to use one in sixth grade home economics, but I hated it so much I never bothered to learn. Do you know how to play rummy? I’ve never heard of that. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Have you ever seen a police car chase? Only on YouTube videos hah. It will be IMPOSSIBLE to have one here–the Philippines lives and breathes traffic. When you got grounded, what did your parents take from you? Everything but my dog. It’s the worst chapter of my life and I never like going back to it, that is the little bits and pieces I do remember from it. Most of it has been thankfully burned into nothing by my brain. Have you ever developed your own film from a camera? No but I super want to experience doing that at least once. Have you ever even used a film camera? I mean I probably did when I was like 3 or 4, but I never got them developed myself. What's the last curse word you said, and why did you say it? I probably said fuck sometime today just because I always do. How do you feel when a random person invites you to their church? This hasn’t happened to me but I like to think I would politely decline. Are you a messy eater? I’ve been better. Before I was haha. Do buffets make you feel uneasy? NO WHAT THE HELL BUFFETS ARE LOVE BUFFETS ARE LIFE. Buffet restaurants are huge gimmicks in the Philippines and we have buffets for every occasion. Does it make you angry when celebrities treat dogs as accessories? Yikes, do they? It would definitely make me mad but I don’t know any celebrity who does this. What word(s), when spoken, makes you giggle just because it sounds funny? ‘Bubbling’ just because of that Drake and Josh episode. Did you ever have to make a bug collection for school? No. Do some American schools make kids do that? What's the last thing you looked at under a microscope? I haven’t looked into a microscope since I was a freshman in high school!!! Man. It was probably like a red blood cell or something. Do you give out your MySpace/Facebook/other URL to everyone who asks? No, unless they’re a friend or I have to work with them for a project. Tell me about your dream last night: I don’t remember anymore. QUICK! Make up a tongue twister: Egh. Do you doodle while you're on the phone and not really listening? No? What is the last thing you stole? I don’t steal. Tootsie Roll Pop or Blow Pop? We don’t have either of those here. What was the last event that made you laugh so hard you cried? Probably something that was said when Gab and I hung out with Anj and Hans. Do you feel that homosexuality is becoming a trend? It was never a trend, it will never be a trend. What does your bf/gf call you, other than your name? I’m not gonna reveal our pet names on Tumblr. Have you ever been in a graveyard late at night? Why were you there? Yeah, a little late. I accompanied Angela’s parents in visiting her maternal grandparents. How many times have you moved in your life? No clue...I know we moved several times when I was a baby. But as far as my memory is concerned, I’ve moved twice. Have you ever read any of the Goosebumps books? YES. My cousin had a bunch of them and I always looked forward to reading my next one. Guess my love for horror started early. What place, when you walk into it, smells heavenly to you? The foresty scent of my alma mater. I love studying in the city now, but I’ll always be a mountain girl. What's the last thing you ate/drank that burned your tongue? The fried squid that I bit into when my family had Chinese for dinner. I was hungry, I wanted to try everything immediately, didn’t blow on the fried squid. What store would you LOVE to work in, just for the employee discount? H&M. At what age should a person stop relying on their parents for money? I’m guessing 25, but I don’t even do adult stuff yet and I have no idea how that next chapter works LOL. Are you a litter bug? Nope. Did you design your own profile, or did you choose a pre-made layout? I've always chosen layouts that were made by others for all the Tumblrs I’ve ever had. Do you have any friends whose houses you refuse to go to? No, I always jump at the chance to go to others’ houses because chances are it’s gonna feel more homey than my own house. When is the last time you planted a tree? Grade 2.

TASK 004 ╳ THE ART OF A LETTER

Dear Biological .. Dear People Whom I Share Blood ..  To The Ones Who Gave Me Up,

Hello. If the beginning of this letter didn’t inform you who it’s from, let me remind you. Twenty-one years ago you made the choice to leave an infant of your own blood in the care of a complete stranger, and in her words, “begged” her to take it. Well, I am that child and my name is Lillian Aurora Hildegard. I’d like you to know that this isn’t the first letter I’ve written you. I’ve written countless of letters throughout the years, but never knew where to send them, so I didn’t. Those letters were far warmer than this. See, I was informed of my adoption at a young age. I was told the ones who conceived me died. Nothing anyone can do about that, all was good and well. I was too young to really understand the concept of death but old enough to understand I wasn’t harbored in my mother’s womb for nine months. As I grew older I became curios about certain differences I noticed between my family and I. Certain unexplainable events that seemed to happen around me. As a child I accepted the idea of coincidence, but in recent years I haven’t been so sure. Instead of asking my parents, I wrote you letters. Questions lined the pages from simple ones such as: Do I Have Cousins ? Is Everyone Blonde ? To ones far more personal, like: Do You Miss Me ? Is It My Fault ? Why Don’t You Care ? I wanted to meet you. I wanted to know you. Truth be told, I blamed Hayley for all my unanswered questions. You remember her don’t you ? Strong, brave, nurturing ? I’m sure you do. Well anyway, I thought she found me before you could find me and took away any chance I had to know you. Though I was angry with her, it never stopped me from trusting her. When she informed of how things truly played out, I believed her. Why would I want to know the kind of people who threw away an infant ? I might understand if I was a high maintenance toddler, which by the way I was, but I wasn’t even a year old and for some god forsaken reason you couldn’t manage me ?! Or didn’t want to. I hope I never grow to be as cowardly as you acted the day you relinquished me to Hayley. And you better hope we never come face to face ever again, because if we do, I will not hesitate to kill ever last one of you.

Cheers, Lily 

Dear Surrogates,

I do apologize if my calling you that is disrespectful on some level, but I have no memory of you. Not a picture, not even even a name. To be completely honest, I didn’t think of you at all as a child. The only reason I’ve thought of you these past few years is because I think something is wrong with me and unfortunately you two are the only ones that have the answer. There have been awful coincidences that have happened around me. My mums seem to be in denial. I just want to know if I’m cursed. I feel cursed. Did you happen upon some powerful beings and piss them off ? Is it hereditary ? Can I reverse it ? Is it dangerous to my family ? I don’t mind hurting other people, but I would rather die than have something horrid happen to my family. Especially knowing that I have something to do with it. Whether it is actually a curse or not, I can’t help but feel different. Not supernatural different, I live in a town with the most powerful super beings in the entire world, I do not feel alone in that sense. But I feel a huge disconnect when my mums treat me differently than the rest of my siblings. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always to my benefit, and I thoroughly enjoy getting my way, but there has to be a reason why. Am I dying ? Well, more than just vampire dead I mean. I have no one to talk to about this and I’m too afraid to get close to anyone I don’t have to due to this dark curse looming over me. I don’t want anyone I care about getting hurt. Hayley and I almost died once because of this great fire. Hayley is the one who saved me by the way. Anyway, it came out of nowhere but I felt something. It felt like I was doing it but I wasn’t focused, chanting, or doing anything remotely close to performing a spell that big. I was just, I don’t know, I was really emotional that night. Am I the cursed child ? I am aren’t I ? Even in a family as diverse as mine, I’m still alone. Who’s to say my family won’t turn my back on me when they find out what I am ? Do I belong anywhere ? I thought I knew, but now I’m not so sure. After reading that bit, I suppose you’re wondering why I don’t just ask my grandparents. Well, it’s because they are not in my life. They and the rest of the family were never in my life. It was they who decided to make me somebody else’s problem. Great parents you have there. Though my parents aren’t perfect, do trust that they are far superior to yours, in every way possible. I do hope the afterlife is treating you well. I’m sure you didn’t deserve the way your lives ended. Oh ! Sorry. I’m called Lily. I’m named after my late grandmother. Well, sort of. I guess you could say I’m second generation of adoptees in my family. I’m not quite sure what to say anymore due to the fact I’m basically talking to dead strangers. Thank you for making sure I survived, I am very grateful for that sacrifice. It must have been hard. By the way, I’m gay. Thought you should know.

Best Wishes, Lily

To My Dearest Family,

You finding this letter means I’ve run away. Wow no, I’m kidding. That was dramatic now wasn’t it ? LOL. Anyway, back to the point. I am writing you today because there are some things I cannot express verbally, even to you. I think I’m dying. No, seriously. I think I’m dying. Either that or I’ve been stuck in some purgatory in which my creative acts of entertainment and wit cannot escape. We must do something about this. As self-appointed in house representative of all that is demonic and slightly amusing, I should be allowed to destroy anything that doesn’t make me laugh. Speaking of which, should there be parameters in which I follow ? Or should it really just be a free for all ? Admittedly I favor the latter. Remember that boy who bullied me in elementary school because I didn’t have any friends ? I haven’t killed him yet. I’m waiting to play out some sort of fairy-tale situation. I was thinking stealing his first born and having it raised by fairies. I found some old notes hidden on my iphone ( and yet with all the technology this century has to offer I’m still writing a letter ) outlining an all but simple plan to lead to his demise. People think I’m scary now ? They should have peeked in my mind when I was a child. Even I’m scared of toddler me. Now, she, was mad. Not hard to believe, I did try and kill all of you at one point I’m sure. Well, everyone besides mums of course. And before you ( mum, mother ) think about punishing me for this confession, I do urge you to think about  what that will do to my view of being accepted when I come to you with the brutally honest truth. I’m just saying. Being on this brilliant track of honesty, can somebody please explain to me why it’s okay for people to have animals as pets and I can’t have a person as a pet ?? If you’re going to make the argument of people and higher learning, I have a very compelling counter argument in which I cite sources from the high school neanderthals. If you can teach a dog not to pee on the floor, what’s the excuse for teenage boys ? Also, I’d rather see a person tied up outside suffering in the summer heat than a precious little pup. Whoops, it has come to my attention that there are some people who keep humans as pets, they’re just called Assistants or Interns. Silly me, I’ll just get me one of those. I retract my previous question. As a closing statement, I’d just like to point out that I haven’t caused anyone harm or trouble in the past week so if you would please LET ME OUT OF MY ROOM, that would be greatly appreciated because like I said in the beginning of this letter, I am dying. If my phone, lap top, and the wifi password is not returned to me soon I will cease to exist. I have learnt my lesson, it is neither funny nor amusing to stick the heads of the JV cheerleading squad on wooden posts outside of the school gymnasium. ( Although I seem to remember when my punishment was being discussed that even mum acknowledged that it was just the JV team, it’s not like it was Varsity ) . Too soon ? Okay, never mind. If you hear me slamming around my room it is because the lead pencils keep breaking and I am forced to write this with the tiny bits of lead that survived which you can imagine, is very frustrating. Love you guys ! Please save me I’ll be good, promise ! 

Always and Forever, Lily

@tannerxhildegard | @witchiz | @kylehildegard | & mentions @cresxentqueen 

A L L O F T H E Q U E S T I O N S

Good shit good shit this took me ages holy hell enjoy you meme loving fucks Q's for you to A Do you have a favourite sweater? I actually do, it's that kinda folded over stretchy grey one I always wear, y'know? I wore it to The 1975 and, from what I hear, it was awesome. (Although I can't remember bc I was Gin Drunk) What’s your middle name? Lawrence...no judgement...Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? I don't, I wonder how's she's doing. Heard she was studying History from her friend I met in a bar one time. Glad to hear, she was nice. Do you get on with your grandparents? I did! Sadly it's been a few years since they passed but I very much did. What was your favourite cartoon as a kid? Hmm, it's a tough one, between the 90's X-Men TV show they played on repeat on Fox Kids or Ben 10 when it wasn't absolute shit like the remake. Yeah I'm bitter. What’s your favourite cartoon now? Archer lol Do you read the news paper? Yeah pretty much every day...I swear I'm not an old man. Who was the last text you sent to? My friend Laura, asking if they'll still be at the park when I finish work. What does the last text you sent say? "Y'all still gonna be there when I get away?" If you could have any hair colour what would it be? Idk I like the one I have. Do you like nature documentaries? Not really my cup of tea to be perfectly honest. What is your aesthetic? Climbing a mountain at a 90° angle in Skyrim on a horse. When did you last pet a dog? ''Twas yesterday. Whose friend’s parents do you like the most? The twins'! They employ me! I literally get paid to hang out with friends some days that's the good shit! Have you ever been on a road trip? I've been on a couple, longest was a drive to Southern Spain from Scotland! Was awesome! Tell me about someone you know called Emma? Went to school with her, cool gal, she saw HP in London and I'm jealous, shoutout to @weewildelassAre you reading a book in english class, what is it? Oh god I'm old. I haven't had or attended an English class in over 2 years. Do you have a favourite Aunt? Well considering she also employs me...hell yeah, shoutout to my Aunt K you legend! Baths or showers? Baths for comfort and treating yo self, or sharing...😏...Showers for quickness and weird snapchats at 3am...😂 Skiing or sun bathing? Sun bathing my dude. Do you kill spiders? Sometimes, sometimes not. Have you ever made an ice pop? I have not. Are you wearing shoes right now? I'm not wearing anything rn. Tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher? Let me tell you about Mrs. Mary "The Bonecrusher" Highland, and how she was such an iconic, legendary, influential and inspiring woman that she was the person you sent into the bad fucked up schools in movies and have them all pass with straight A's, she ran a tough ship and was slow to praise but when she did, she went all out, and made you feel like what you had achieved was truly a feat. Oh and she encouraged children to learn and think for themselves, genuinely encouraged you when you said you were interested in something even when it went above and beyond the curriculum. She was charitable, friendly, and spoke to you like you were an equal, and a worthy one at that. Mrs. Highland was literally so influential in so many people in my class being successful, free minded, hard working adults that she deserves a goddamn award. And let me tell you another thing, at the end of my First Year in College, I went back to my old Primary School for a teaching assistant internship because I knew the school was becoming a bit run-down and out of control and I wanted to help the way that Mrs. Highland had, and who had they just asked to come out of retirement, come back for TWO WEEKS, sort shit out and then walk away into the sunset like some goddamn Old Lady Teaching Avenger who appears when needs were greatest? MARY FUCKING HIGHLAND, I GOT TO HELP ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD HEROES BE AN ABSOLUTE TEACHING LEGEND AND REALLY INFLUENCE SOME GOOD IN A KIDS LIFE, THAT IS THE SHIT! Seriously though, she truly is one of the good ones, they don't make em like Her anymore. Who was the last person you hugged? I think that would be my mother actually hahah. Do you wear glasses? Occasionally. Do you have a cat? I sadly do not. Do you have a favourite pair of underwear? Not a favourite pair exactly more like a favourite kind?? Next All-Black, that's the good shit, makes my ass look great among other things. What was your last tweet? "How the fuck do you work twitter" about 5 years ago and I haven't used it since. Do you still use Facebook? I do, rarely. Do you like birds? Aye pal birds, blokes, the lot. Who was the last person you called cute? That genuinely would be my niece, or you lol Who was the last person that called you cute? This is a strange answer but a regular in my work. Long story. How did you meet your best friend? I literally turned a corner and ran into a group of emo's in like Fourth Year at High School and I haven't looked back since. Escalators or elevators? Nah m8, trick question, I'd rather take the stairs. Does wonders for the thighs. Are you named after anyone, who? Ahaha yeah my dad, both my granddads, and Saint. Christoper (Catholic mum yo) What was your first url? I have no idea. Autumn or Winter? Winter I can't lie. Do you win at scrabble? I do not lol Put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? "American Idiot", Green Day. Classic. Have you ever drunk from a mason jar? I have not. Can you draw? Barely even write m8 let alone draw. What was your first profile picture? I think it was Kenny from South Park. Favourite t-shirt? God I have no idea. Best tumblr friend? Shoutout to @bepizzazzed and @double-dorks-beanie and @hesitant-butthole When did you last run? Tonight when as a joke my friends took my jacket and tried to get it on top of a climbing frame? lol I had it back in seconds and decided to get some payback ahah Do you like to paint your nails? Not particularly fussed, not a look I could pull off. Did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? I did more things to get me into trouble as a kid that anyone should ever do. And I still did it. Who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? Trick question, all of them. Have you ever been drunk? Literally so many times. So many. Have you ever done something you regret while drunk? Some-thing? Some-one? Getting into a slutty dance off with a professional dancer? Stealing a mannequin? The exact words "I can easily make this jump..."? The exact words "Watch this lads"? The exact words "Shots won't do me any harm"? The exact words "Another Venom? Aye no bother!" The exact words "You can crash at mine if you like...?" You get the picture...I do messed up shit I'm drunk, and yet, I continue to do so. Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Ronald McDonald ngl for the sweet sweet invention of double cheeseburgers. Do/did you like you math teacher? I had a crush on both of my maths teachers, Mr. Kelly and Mrs. Hendry, both of which contributed to me turning up to class, but also contributed to me failing said classes bc I was too busy looking at them and being a hormone ridden, horny 16 year old boy, than I was doing maths. Do you often ride the bus? I do, everyday I'm in College. Do you have a fireplace in your house? We do actually it's getting renovated right now. Are you violent when you’re angry? God no! Do you cry when you’re angry? No, I rarely get angry and when I do it can only be described as dry anger. Favourite Harry Potter book? It has to be OotP, fight me. Can you remember your last dream? I can, and let me just say, Chris Pratt, thank you. Do you go to bed early or late? "Do I go to bed?" would be a better question. Do you speak a second language? I speak various levels of different languages. Some if you dropped me in their respective countries I could find my way about, albeit difficultly, and others I can ask for the bar and the bill and that's about it. Who was your first ever best friend? A boy called Dean. Have you ever had an operation? I've had a couple yeah. Tell me about your favourite cousin? His name is Reece and he's a meme loving shit and I love him the whacky bastard. Do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? During what can only be described as the Greatest Summer of My Teenage Years; the Legendary Summer of 2014, I wore on my feet almost EVERY DAY a pair of Classic Chuck's, they cost my poor wee mum like £60 the Christmas before but they were too big and when it finally hit summer they fit perfectly. I wore them every time. If you've ever read the book Me Before You or watched the film you'll know what I mean when I say they were my bumblebee tights. Have you ever been in a musical? I played the Cowardly Lion in my school play as a kid. Do you have a porch? I do not. How many times have you watched your favourite movie? At least 100 no joke it has to be. Empire Strikes Back. What do you order at McDonalds? Plain double cheese , small fries, Oasis Summer Fruits and maybe a coffee. Do you get on with old people? Worryingly well. Science Fiction or Romance? Sci-Fi m8. Do you take naps? Anytime I can. How many classes do you/did you take in High School? In my final year I took 3 classes. At its height I think I was doing 9 classes. When did it last snow where you live? A few months back. Does it ever snow where you live? It's Scotland...hahah it very much does. How many months until your birthday? 12 m8. How much charge does your computer have right now? 42%What is your favourite Disney Channel Original Movie? I don't actually think I had one. Sorry. the City or the Sea Side? Jokes on you fool, you can have both. What is your least favourite colour? Beige. Who tf likes being beige. Do you have homework to do? Nah. Are you still friends with your first best friend? I am not. Do you have/are you the gay cousin? I have an asexual cousin, bug more often than not I'm the gay cousin. Do you own dungarees? They can look cute on peeps. Do you like to play sport? I do, not to the extent I used to but yeah. What was your favourite ever Christmas present? My baby nephew. How old are you? Ugh I'm 20. Do you ever use Internet Explorer? Not for s long time. Have you ever had blonde hair? I haven't no. I wanted to but sadly I was a kid. When did you last see the person you have a crush on? Well considering I fall deeply in love with strangers who are nice to me on the train, that question is crazy. Who did you last talk to on the phone? Laura. Pants or Dresses? This question is a lot funnier in the UK and even funnier in Scotland where a man can wear one, but to do so, he's not supposed to wear the other 😉 Do you read fan fiction? Not anymore y'know. What is you’re favourite blog? @mauridianhallow is a pretty cool blog you should check that shit out Do you write poetry? I HAVE written poetry before. Drama or Comedy? How dare you insult The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt by suggesting you can't be both. Have you ever had a hickey? Perhaps...perhaps I have. Perhaps I cannot remember how I got some of them. Perhaps I should stop buying the ENTIRE bar a round of shots knowing all too well that almost every one of these people will offer to buy me drinks all night and then I won't pay shit for another drink until the night is over. Perhaps I should...I won't but I fucking should. And perhaps this has on certain occasions resulted in hickeys I don't know.