#last week was SO bad idk what happened i had a migraine for about four days straight it was AWESOME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vote-loki · 5 months

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Not to like “oh woe is me” post but I feel like I can vent on tumblr since it’s idk tumblr. But I was SO excited for my final semester of undergrad this summer and then almost immediately after I got here in August I began struggling very deeply in ways I have never struggled before. Like confused 24/7, missing assignments because I was too tired to even get out my phone let alone my laptop, forgetting everything including what I’m doing or where I’m supposed to be and even classroom locations on a campus I’ve been at for 4 and 1/2 years. Losing things constantly, randomly loosing grip strength and dropping things, horrible brain fog, waking up feeling like I’m shaking 24/7 but everyone telling me I’m not shaking anywhere when I ask, issues walking, dizziness, vertigo. I’ve been having such extreme fatigue I can’t even get out of bed to pee until it hurts because I’m just too tired. This has been happening since August. Which I assumed this was bad depressive episode so I had them double my antidepressants, and then nothing got better.

But then like two months ago I woke up with this pain in the left upper corner of my right eye. Just a spot the size of my fingertip. And it had me in so much pain I was throwing up. So I thought “I’m a big kid, I have migraines like this all the time.” and I took some of my medicine for that. But it didn’t go away. It lasted for a whole day. When it came back a few days later I decided maybe it was sinus pressure, so I took some allergy meds and some cold meds for a week while it was hurting off and on. But that didn’t work. And then it came back and I got a migraine over top of it. So it wasn’t that. And FINALLY last week it got so bad I couldn’t see out of my eye, the pain had been constant for about four days, and I was so dizzy I could barely walk. So my mom drove an hour out of state to pick me up and an hour back down to take me to the er, who promptly sent me to their on call opthamolagist who, after a serious of very very bright lights directly to my hella dilated pupils, told me my optical nerve is swollen and I need and mri.

Which is FUCKING STUPID that my optical nerve is causing me this much pain. But whatever.

Anyway the day after I went to the er and saw the eye doctor I had a follow-up with my primary care physician, and he said “oh yeah, they’re gonna want that mri urgently. We want to make sure you don’t have ms. Your symptoms are consistent and optical neuritis is often one of the first things ms patients experience before diagnosis.” like girl? If I have ms that chose to present itself by incapacitating me to the point I am failing my final semester of undergrad, and may not be able to fix it, I am going to lose my mind. It couldn’t have presented itself six months from now?????? There’s no confirmation it’s me yet until after my mri, but still. Whatever this is has me pissed tf off. Show up at a different time.

All that being said. Here’s a meme I made about it using a screenshot from one of my fave vines because I’m actually coping and not at all having a sort of hypochondria spiral and doing as much research on it as possible. That would be weird.

#no but actually when googling symptoms I have like 90% of the ‘common early symptoms’ of ms.#anyway like. whatever witch cursed me???? I’d like to be uncursed now.#I also have been having these like random spasms where I throw my arm??#the best way I know how to describe it is it’s LIKE a tic except it doesn’t repeat so I know it isn’t a tic #it’s more of a violent twitch. AND my right eyelid has been bugging out and twitching like crazy.#there are other symptoms but I really just wanted to vent #actually no the numbness in my hands and feet sucks donkey dick #there isn’t anything wrong with having ms like in a real way. it’s just when it chose to present itself is so upsetting to me #I really wish it could’ve happened after I finished my semester #this is so unfair that my future might be jeopardized just because my doctors weren’t listening to me in august #I’ve been saying this is happening and it’s LIKE my depressive episodes and LIKE my migraines and LIKE when you get really bad sinus #pressure but I’ve also been being abundantly clear that these aren’t normal symptoms for me when any of those things #I’m TOO tired for it to bed my depression. especially with everything else.#it’s not sinuses and I have had migraines ontop of it and that pain stayed constant.#and if I didn’t listen to my doctor when he was it was nothing maybe I’d be being treated already. maybe it wouldn’t have destroyed my fina #semester of undergrad. dawg I just wanted to graduate college.#long post #vent #personal #adding generic tags so people who filter long post or vent in the tags don’t have to see

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purplesurveys · 10 months

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1689

What was the last upsetting thing that happened to you? The fucking toddler who shrieked for four hours straight on my flight to Malaysia. I think a part of me died that day.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks? I can’t remember the last time I went to Starbucks, actually! I 100% got either an iced Americano or caramel macchiato, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you which pastry I got...I like to switch it up often.

Do you trust your doctor? I don’t have a doctor I regularly go to. I don’t really go to the doctor at all, unless it’s huge emergency or if I need to get a checkup for work.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? I know she does but she tends to be tactless, something which, to her credit, she has acknowledged. It doesn’t necessarily make me question her love for me per se, but it’s this tactlessness that frustrates me and makes us clash a lot because I’m not exactly the type to stay quiet when I feel disrespected.

Do you ever feel scared or unsafe around your dad? Not at all. When he’s around I feel like literally nothing can go wrong.

Do you have a pastor you can trust and talk to whenever you need to? I am not religious and I feel like pastors/priests would be the first people to have viewpoints different from mine anyway.

Do you have a best friend who always has your back? Yes.

What is missing in your life? Spontaneity. My recent travels made me realize that. I thought I was already living a relatively comfortable and free life here in Manila, then I went to Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur and realized the things I could be doing...can you believe the biggest thing that upset me was how pretty the park in KL is? I went there for three days straight, even let myself cry it out on the final day. The trees were so pretty, the water was so clean, I love how they had drinking fountains everywhere, and it was so cool to see benches everywhere. Everyone not in the Philippines, you guys are so lucky to have parks.

What color shirt are you wearing? It’s a white tube top.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? It was an admin from one of the communities I’m in touch with for work.

Who is your least favorite doctor you’ve been to? I feel bad for saying this but it has to be the doctor that my family has been extremely close with ever since I can remember. He prescribed some useless medication for my UTI – aka the UTI that gave me the fever from hell – which didn’t do jack shit and my 39ºC fever raged on for a few more days. Eventually Angela’s mom swooped in and gave me a prescription, and upon getting the damn medicine I was fine within, like, an hour.

Who is your least favorite nurse? Idk I never really get to be around nurses.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? I’ve never tried those.

What gives you migraines? Working for too long with my screen brightness set to max.

What is the worst medication side effect you’ve ever had? I’ve never had terrible side effects from a medication, but injections are a different story. For all the times I got my Covid vaccines/boosters the side effects were consistently shit, I had always gotten a fever, and my skin felt like glass.

When was the last time you remember your life being good? A week ago when I was in Bangkok. It was a rare, precious pause in life where the biggest thing I had to worry about was not losing my passport. Easily one of my favorite memories already and I will always be grateful for the experience.

What makes you forgetful? I am oftentimes forgetful at work but it’s because I typically handle anywhere between 30-40 tasks on my to-do list every single day.

Do you block stupid, ignorant people on Facebook? Sometimes. My usual instinct is to report them to get the job done more easily.

What is your favorite magazine to read? I haven’t read a magazine in years.

What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? We don’t have a lot of Taco Bells here, so in the extremely rare occasion that I find myself in one I just get some burrito.

What was the first color you dyed your hair? Ash brown. I wanted to go crazy immediately and do green, but I was told that the first time has to be on the milder side so that my hair doesn’t, like, die from the bleaching. Anyway, I’ve gone with purple twice since then and have never gotten back to the green that I originally wanted for my hair hahaha.

Do you trust your parents completely? No. I know my mom still snoops around in my bag, but then again my trust in her died out a LONG time ago, lol.

Do you have someone you feel completely safe around? Yes, my closest friends.

What church do you go to? I just attend my local parish that you don’t need to know about, but if you meant denomination then I am Roman Catholic, at least in the legal sense.

Have you made a lot of mistakes? Haven’t we all...?

Do you take risks often? Every now and then, but I wouldn’t say it’s a way of life. I play it safe when I want to.

Who was the last person you called on the phone? Angela and Hans when I wanted to meet back up during the Yoongi concert.

What color is your favorite whiteboard marker? I don’t have a favorite whiteboard marker.

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bangtansdoc · 5 years

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Into the light.

Part 1.

Ost: OMG!- Joy red velvet ( Ost of the great seducer).

Pairings:Park Jimin(BTS)×reader

Genre: Fluff, horror(maybe Idk), Vampire! Au, CEO! Au, secretive and very clingy-ish Jimin. Ack guys this is one's a long read. Hope you can follow through to the end.

Ost: Joy(red velvet)- OMG!(Ost of the great seducer).

Word count: Honestly I don't even count it anymore.

Synopsis: You need money. Park Jimin has money. You end up getting a job as a house keeper in his gargantuan mansion. But what secrets might the handsome CEO be hiding underneath his flashy image?

PS: This whole fic was inspired by Jimin's GDA 2019 looks. It was le'jin'dary.

He watched as blood pooled out from her body. There was so much blood. He wondered if it was normal for her to produce that much, considering who she was. He tried to reach out to her, to hold her hand, even though he knew she was already gone. His vision faded, and he knew it wouldn't be long before he joined her.

***

"Hey Y/N are you watching the news right now?!" Your best friend's voice screeched out of the phone before it reached your ear. "No I'm not Joon. What's the problem?!" "Go find a TV right now. Or..." "Joon! I'm on my way to work now. Can't it wait?" "It IS about work. And it can't wait. Y/N..." "Ok see you later Joonie!" "No don't you...." You quickly hung up the phone as you felt a migraine creeping along your head to the base of your skull. You leaned your head against the bus window and sighed. You were exhausted. It was bad enough that you were working two part time jobs(they were initially four but Joon had argued that if you didn't tone it down you would flunk all your classes and probably end up in a hospital which had ended in you clocking him over the head and eventually conceding cause....he was right) but you also had a big test that you really weren't prepared for. You brought your fingers to your temples and massaged them lightly. "Don't fret Y/N." You spoke softly to yourself. "You can do this. Only two more years left till you graduate. You got this." Your phone buzzed with a text message. It was Joon. "PICK UP THE PHONE NOW YOU STUPID BRAT." You sighed again and switched off your phone. "Not today Namjoon. Not today." You whispered again to yourself as the bus arrived at your stop and you disembarked.

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You jogged lightly towards the glue factory, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you prepared to tough it out through another day of work. So it was to your surprise when you met several employees loitering around the factory's compound, with several men moving boxes out of the factory and into a large truck. You quickly approached the elderly woman that was the head of staff. "Mrs Avery?" She looked at you and relief washed over her face like you were the answer to all her problems. "Oh Y/N! Thank goodness you're here!" "What happened?" "Don't you watch the news dearie? Some whistleblower reported the president of the factory for embezzlement. So they cut us all off, packed up and are 'moving to rural areas'. Pssht." Your eyes bulged out of their sockets. "What?! But-- but---" "There's nothing we can do dearie. We're all out of jobs now." She said again as she quickly made her way to another group of employees. Your mind raced and spun around. Packed up...cut us all off....out of jobs... Your tuition fees were due in a month. And you were perfectly, utterly and catastrophically broke. You fumbled for your phone in your trousers pocket and dialled your best friend's number. "Joon! I'm doomed! Doomed Joon! I'm- I'm gonna get kicked out of school. The factory---it-it shut Down. I don't have any money Joon! What am I gonna do?!" "Calm down Y/N! Your tuition isn't due for about a month. You have plenty of time to find a new job before then. "No no no! Don't you get it?! No job will have as high a pay as a factory in time, and no factory will hire a part timer now after this whistleblowing incident!" You could see practically see Joon scratching his forehead in thought. "Ok Y/N? Take a deep breath." He paused as you did so. "Now calm the hell down, and come on over so we can figure out what you're gonna do." You blinked back several tears as you hung up and bolted for the bus station.

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"Maybe you should ask your parents for some cash." You stared at Namjoon like he had just sprouted horns. "Kim Namjoon. How long have we been friends?" "Since kindergarten." "Exactly. So you of all people should know that that isn't an option." "But you're really desperate now. You can't do this alone." "So what's gonna happen to my FIVE siblings Hun? I've been taking care of myself by myself pretty well. Now is no different." Namjoon sighed exasperatedly like you were the dumbest person in the world. He was probably right. But what were you to do? Growing up in a family of eight was no joke. Your father was a teacher and your mother owned a bakery. But their earnings alone were not enough to cater for all your needs. So you had decided to unburden them by fending for yourself. You had started working as soon as you were old enough. Your parents were apprehensive at first but you were able to alleviate their fears of your working affecting your studies. You had worked your way through high school, moving from job to job and had been offered admission into a prestigious University. Your family was again afraid that the tuition was too much for you to handle alone, so you had borrowed money from Namjoon, which you were still currently trying to pay back. It had seemed that luck was on your side when you got a job at the glue factory. The working hours were reasonable and the pay was good. You figured that if you saved enough you would be able to make it through the four years of college. Until this happened. "I could lend you money again." You covered your face with your palms. "I still haven't finished paying you back for the last time you lent me money." "It doesn't matter." "It does matter! Our tuition is not chicken feed!" Namjoon shrugged. "It's not my fault my parents are rich." You groaned again before throwing a plushie at him. "Dogmatic jerk." You muttered under your breath. "Don't worry. I'll think of something." "Yeah well whatever you think of, better think of it fast."

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"Hey hey Y/N check out what's on the news right now." Namjoon said as he plopped down beside you in the school cafeteria. "Do you spend all your time watching the news?" You asked teasingly, making him open his mouth in thought which you giggled at. "Probably." He replied and you burst out in laughter. "Anyway guess what?" You decided to humour him. "What?" "You know the glue factory you used to work at? The one that got whistleblown?" You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Ok ok you do. Well park Jimin just bought it." "Park Jimin? The mega ultra super rich business tycoon?" " Yeah, the mega ultra super shady one. Something's not right about that guy. I know it." You rolled your eyes. "You've 'known' it for six months now." "Yeah I mean all people know about him is that he's super young and super secretive. We're talking about no friends, no family, not even a freaking pet....." "Namjoon..." "And he lives in this gigantic mansion with no one but his housekeeper." "Maybe he just likes his privacy." "Yeah no one ever just ' likes their privacy' . Especially super rich business moguls. He definitely has something to hide." Namjoon paused. "I'm thinking of making him the protagonist of a book I'm writing." You stood up with your tray of food. "Goodbye Joon. Call me when you have something better to discuss. Like where to find a job maybe?" "Hey I'm helping out as much as I can." You leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. "Well you should help out more than that." Your phone buzzed with an alarm. "And there goes my lunch break." You shoved your food into Namjoon's arms. "I have to go job hunting." "Hey let me come with." Namjoon said as he hurriedly stood up. "No you don't have to. I'm going to the job center to ask if they have any openings. And you have class." Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "And you don't?" "Well I won't even have a class to ditch anymore if I don't get a job now. See you." You said again as you quickly made your way out of the cafeteria.

***

You stared at your phone and sighed. It had already been a week since you had been to the women's job center. They had been skeptical, especially after you had stated all your conditions, working part-time during the week, Sundays free and also the fact that you were a student. However they had promised to get what they could for you, especially after you had begged them that you would work anywhere as long as the pay was good. But now here you were, staring intensely at your phone. What if you weren't able to find a job in time? You were sure that asking your parents for that much money would definitely affect at Least one of your siblings. You rubbed your temples and felt that awful migraine creeping along your skull again. You were not a happy-go-lucky endearing kind of girl who was always smiling even while suffering, but you always kept a healthy level of optimism in your tank, never letting your troubles or problems get the better of you. Namjoon had also played a great part in that. You fell back on your bed. But lately it had been getting harder to see the good side of things. You groaned in frustration, wondering if the job center was really finding it hard to get you something to do. Your phone suddenly buzzed to life, and you sprang off the bed like a rabbit, stumbling to the dresser and grabbing your phone like your life depended on it. You glanced at the caller ID and curled your toes in anticipation. "Hello is this Y/N/L/N?" A soft voice boomed out of the phone. "Yes. Yes it is." You said quickly, your heart in your throat. "Ok. I'm from the women's center. I'm happy to inform you that we've found a job for you." You heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God. I thought you weren't gonna be able to." The voice let out a soft chuckle. "Well it was difficult. But we managed to get something for you last minute. You are really lucky. The job offer sprang up out of nowhere. And it meets all of your conditions." You couldn't believe your luck. You wanted to leap into the air in Joy. "Thank you so much. When can I start?" "Uh, you still have to come down here as Soon as you can to get more details. Your employer is very particular about the people he hires. He is a private man and wants to interview you first." You mused on this. "Whatever he wants. As long as I get the job." "Ok then. Come down to the agency tomorrow so I can give you the details." The voice said and hung up. You fell back on your bed again smiling like an idiot. "YES!!!" You shrieked as you wriggled about. You heard a small voice at the back of your head. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch Y/N." You pushed away the thought. Things were finally looking up.

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You sat down in front of a desk with a computer on it. You had arrived at the job center and had been waiting for about twenty minutes. You checked your phone for the time. You were beginning to get agitated. Where was the attendant? A middle aged woman suddenly plopped down in front of you. She greeted you with a warm smile. "Miss Y/N?" She asked and you responded with a nod. "Sorry for taking your time." "You spoke to me on the phone?" "No my coworker did. But she's out sick today so she told me to take care of you." "Oh." You responded and waited for the woman to continue. She switched on the computer and began to tap at the keyboard. "Ok so you've been offered a job as a housekeeper." "Uh can I know who I'm working for?" The woman smiled. "They wanted you to find out when you came for the interview." You were confused and began to wonder if this was some elaborate prank by Namjoon. Really. How private could one person be that they were keeping their identity a secret from their prospective employees? Were they some kind of mafia clan? You started to think of declining the offer when the woman, as if sensing your doubt, spoke up. "It's not dangerous Y/N. And I promise you the pay is very good. The CEO is just a very private man." CEO she said. There was something off about this woman too. You eyed her carefully. Ok Y/N. Let's see how this goes. "Alright." You said finally. "Great." She tore out a slip of paper and scribbled something on it. "Here's the address. Your interview is in two hours." "Two hours?! Well why didn't you...." "I didn't think you'd accept the offer." She didn't think you'd accept it? Exactly what was going on? You hurried to get your things. "Good luck!" The woman yelled after you as you dashed out the door.

You stopped short in front of an enormous gate. The gate had two iron carvings of a Jade dragon embedded into it. You heaved a sigh and pressed the doorbell. You waited for a while and was about to press it again when a deep male voice boomed over the PA system. "Yes?" Yes? Oi. "Uh, I'm from the women's center. I applied for the post of housekeeper." "Oh. You're early!" Yeah barely. You thought as the voice said again and after a while the gates slid open. You stepped into the compound and gasped so hard you almost passed out. Before you was the largest compound you had ever seen. There was a huge maze like garden on both sides of the compound, and sandwiched in between them was a beautifully lit walkway. There were lights and lanterns decorating each side of the walkway and you could only imagine how it would look at night. You walked slowly and gasped again when you saw the house. At the far end of the compound stood the biggest palace you had ever seen. In front of it was a pavilion, and in the pavilion was a water fountain with water sprouting out of it. The house was enormous and you felt as if you were standing before the tower of Babel* instead of a freaking house. The mahogany doors swung open and a well dressed Man with blonde hair walked out and towards you. He was just as beautiful as the house. You began to wonder if you had accidentally walked into another dimension.

"Y/N? Welcome." The man said cheerily, smiling at you constantly. "Come on." He spoke again and you shivered. You followed him into the house and your eyes almost fell out of their sockets. You were standing in a very grand Hall, fit for a king. Now you weren't an artsy girl, but you could make out several pieces of art work placed in the hallway by the walls, all leading up to a glass stand, above which hung the portrait of a young girl in a hanbok. You stared at the portrait, entranced by the girl's beauty and how sad her face looked, before wondering what sort of creep you were about to work for. "Beautiful isn't it?" You heard the male's voice beside you. He was also staring at the painting. "Yes. Yes it is." "It's the most exquisite piece of art in the mansion. Apparently the CEO described the girl to the artist himself." You turned to face the man. So he wasn't your employer? You had thought that this CEO being so private would've interviewed you himself. Guess even the most private still order lackeys around. At this point you still didn't know who exactly you were working for. Just what kind of mess were you getting yourself into? "This way." The handsome male led you towards a beautiful set of spiral stairs. You ascended quietly as the man led you again into a parlour room. He sat down on a cushion and you sat opposite him.

"So Y/N. Hi. I'm Kim taehyung. I'm CEO Park's PA." An alarm went off in your head. CEO Park. CEO Park. CEO Park!!! "I'm sorry do you mean CEO Park jimin?" Taehyung studied you. "Yes." Oh God!! CEO Park jimin, the super secret mega business mogul that Namjoon disliked. Why hadn't you seen the signs? It was when taehyung had asked if you were alright that you realized you were gasping for breath. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Taehyung studied you again. God was he handsome. You hoped the CEO looked nothing like him or else it would be very hard for you to concentrate on work. "Okay." Taehyung leaned back on his chair and crossed his legs. "Let's discuss the conditions of your employment." "But I haven't accepted the offer yet." Taehyung raised an eyebrow. "Well you're here aren't you?" You shifted in your seat. "So you'll be working Mondays through Saturdays, like you requested. Your job requires regular maintenance of the essential parts of the house. A Gardner and a mailman come occasionally. You'll also be residing here..." "What?" "Yes. In order to be fully efficient you can't afford to commute every day. Trust me it'll be much easier if you lived here." You sighed and wondered again if you were making a mistake in accepting this job. "You'll be receiving six thousand dollars at the end of every month..." Your eyes widened and your voice caught in your throat. "I'm sorry. Six thousand dollars?!" Taehyung smirked at your reaction. "At the end of every month." He paused. "Do you have anything to add?" You cleared your throat. "The-the pay for this month, can I receive it now? Like up front? I really need the money. I promise I will work for the full month I owe." Taehyung narrowed his eyes before placing a piece of paper before you. "That's a contract. Sign it." You carefully picked up the contract and signed it, sealing your fate. Taehyung smiled. "There. With that you can't run away. We will catch you if you dupe us." You gulped. "I'll speak to the CEO. The money will be forwarded to your account before the end of the day." You smiled brightly as tears brimmed in your eyes. All your money problems had just been solved in under an hour. "Thank you so much." You gushed, extremely grateful. Taehyung smiled a boxy smile at you, almost as if he was as excited as you were. "Anything else?" He asked. You sighed. "When can I start?"

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"YOU WHAT?!" Namjoon yelled at you after you briefed him on your new job. "Y/N..." "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I decided this Namjoon, but I really need this. You know that." "Yes, but..." Namjoon ran a hand through his brown hair. "Forget all jokes now. I've read a lot about CEO Park to know that he's hiding something. Something that could be potentially dangerous. Working for him.... Living in his house, puts you at risk. He could be some kind of secret mafia boss for Christ's sake!" You stared at Namjoon's concerned eyes and pulled him closer to you. You knew he was just worried about you , but you honestly thought he was just being paranoid. All in all, you couldn't blame him. You cared about him just as much to be paranoid if the roles were reversed. You planted a chaste kiss on his soft lips. "I'll be fine Joon. Really. I promise the second something seems off I'll quit immediately." You smiled at him and his expression softened. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm okay with it." "I know." "When do you start?" He grumbled, a sound you associated with a large, pouty bear. "Uh, tomorrow. Wanna help me pack?" He stared at you, incredulous. "Tomorrow? But shouldn't they at least have given you some more time to pack?" "I chose to start tomorrow. Better to get it over with as soon as possible right?" Namjoon shrugged as he picked up a pink bra, scrunched his face and tossed it aside. "Can't argue with that." He said as you grabbed the bra and stuffed it into your suitcase. "Trust me Joon. It'll be over before you know it. Oh and by the way, you should see his house. You'll love it."

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You stood up from your crouched position and stretched your back. You had already successfully moved into the CEO's mansion and had been working for a week now. You saw taehyung regularly, he always popped in with a smile and the excuse of ' fetching some documents' when you knew he was probably checking up on you, obviously at the CEO's orders. Said CEO had not shown his face in the house since you arrived. You hadn't even seen his car in the driveway, not that you would notice anyway, with the fleet of cars parked in it. It was always the same routine everyday, and it was exhausting, but the amount at the end of your Bank book made it totally worth it. It was actually a bit easier because you were on break and you braced yourself for the stress you would face once school resumed. You took one last look at your Bank book for encouragement before exiting your room to begin the days duties. You made your way downstairs to the storage room and passed by the front door. You stopped abruptly as you saw a pair of male shoes placed beside yours. Must be taehyung's. But he had left the previous night. And why didn't he let you know he was back in the house? When did he even get in? You rolled your eyes and shrugged off the thoughts. He probably had something else to take care of and it wasn't like he had to tell you each time he came in. You grabbed your equipment and made your way to the pool.

You pulled back the sliding glass doors and stared at the exquisite marble pool before you. You gently placed the cleaning equipment on the floor and was about to drain the water when you noticed a movement in the pool. "Taehyung?" You called out, as you cautiously approached the pool edge. There was no answer. You moved closer and slipped on the marble, tumbling into the pool. Now you hadn't meant to be so overdramatic, but your fall had caught you off guard. You thrashed and flailed in the water, your movements causing you to sink further in. Suddenly, strong arms gripped your sides and hoisted you out of the water. You felt the arms holding on to your sides and a pair of legs wrapped around yours to stop them from thrashing about in the water.

You sputtered and coughed, before opening your eyes and both your heart and time stopped. In front of you, with his arms around you was the most beautiful human being on the planet. His eyes were a deep blue and they stared at you intensely, his lips were plump and pink, and his blonde, wet hair matted across his face. The sunlight reflecting on the water hit his face and he shone. He sparkled like an angel and you became as dumb as a mule. He must have sensed that you were in shock as he put his arms around your waist and guided you out of the water and into the folding chair. He stared at you again, before grabbing a towel and he began to walk away. Your brain came out of autopilot right then and you scrambled to your feet. "Wait!" You yelled, and the man stopped, turning back to you, his eyes burning with curiosity. "Thank you for-for saving me. My name's Y/N. Who- who are you?" You sputtered out. "Y/N right?" His voice came out, soft and pleasant. "You must be the new house keeper. I'm your boss, Park Jimin."

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Part two will be out soon! Hopefully!.

Comments would be appreciated!!!

#bangtanfluffs #park jimin #fantasy #vampire au #horror au #bts ceo au

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viostormcaller · 5 years

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Ego Headcanons: Chase Brody

As you can tell, I'm not doing these in any particular order. Once I have half a coherent thought I'll start whichever one I decide next XD my brain decided on Chase, so here goes (WARNING THIS ONE IS INSANELY LONG):

Chase has been friends with Jack the longest. They met years ago and started their channels around the same time. Their content varies very differently from each others, but they've always supported one another, hence why they're so close

Chase was never a very popular kid in school. He didn't get the best grades and didn't see himself as anything special. He saw himself as simply "average", and that's where the name of his channel came from.

He went to a very religious school. Chase, however, is not religious. He's open to it, but he hated how the teachers treated the students. He got in trouble with them a lot because of that.

Home life was equally as hard. He wasn't treated the best by his parents either. This caused him to develop depression around middle school. It went untreated for years and gradually got worse.

He started the channel to give himself something to live for and look forward to each day. He loved making videos and loved connecting with the community, and it really helped with his loneliness. Eventually, his videos were doing well enough that, once he was monetized, he was able to move out of his parents' place and get a tiny apartment of his own.

He started the channel with the help of his high school friend Chad. The puppet of him is a running joke between them.

Chase met Stacy because of the channel. He ran into her in a coffee shop and she recognized him. They hit it off immediately. They grew close over time, got married, and had two kids, Samantha and Grayson.

Chase tried his hardest to upkeep the channel, but his content wasn't very popular, sadly. The lack of views made it hard to pay the bills most times because of the lack of revenue coming in. The expectation that because Chase was fairly well-known he should be making a lot of money, is what slowly drove Stacy away. Chase had been doing his channel for fun, not for money, so this expectation made things a lot harder on him.

Things began to go downhill once his ideas for stunts slowed. His depression was getting bad again and his energy was dropping. The pressure to make money and get views was weighing on him as well, and the quality of his videos were dropping. The community noticed this and urged him to take a break, but he refused because he couldn't if he wanted to keep his relationship with Stacy.

His two kids were his entire world. Every second he wasn't working was devoted to his family. He tried his best to be a good husband for Stacy, as well, even if they didn't have a lot of time for each other since Chase was bringing in the income and had to work more. But he always treated his family with love and respect and cherished them.

The divorce was his breaking point. After all his efforts to keep the family together, things fell apart anyway. He worked so hard and so much and was put under so much pressure and had very little support. His channel wasn't making him happy, and it wasn't making his kids and his wife happy because he couldn't support them as much as he wanted, and once they left he felt he had nothing left to live for.

Chase attempted suicide on a livestream that was shortly taken down afterwards, though snippets of it were saved by viewers and were spread around the internet.

When Chase was taken in for emergency surgery, the paramedics took him to a doctor who they knew would save his life. This is how he met Dr. Schneeplestein.

Chase had been in a coma for two months, and was put under watch for another two months after he woke up. Schneep made sure he was the doctor in charge of caring for Chase, and kept a close eye on him while he was regaining mobility and recovering. After many intensive therapy sessions and medication adjustments, Chase was finally allowed to go home. He had moved out shortly after the divorce, before the attempt, so he at least still had a place to live.

Jack and Schneep both visited Chase regularly. Jack had already become friends with Schneep before, so the three became very close. It was Jack that paid Chase's rent while he was in the hospital. Chase cried when Jack told him that

Chase made an apology video to the community and stated that that would be his last video for a really long time, if not forever. He took a long break from the channel as he tried to put together the pieces of what his life had become.

Schneep, having also been through a nasty divorce, helped Chase through the process and gave him advice. About a week before Jack fell ill, Schneep had taken Chase to go see his family and talk things out. This was before his shift at the hospital, so he didn't know the outcome

When Chase got the news that Henrik had been kidnapped and Jack was comatose, Chase decided to repay the favor he owed to them both and took over Jack's channel. He moved out of the apartment he lived at and into the house where the other Egos lived (which at the time were Marvin and Jackieboy Man).

While Jackie was busy most days hunting down Schneep and Anti, Marvin became Chase's protector. They grew close this way.

After a months-long battle, Chase got partial custody of his kids, allowing him to see them on weekends. This was a huge win for him.

Chase didn't have the time to go to therapy because of the management of Jack's channel and taking care of the kids on weekends, so he turned to alcohol to cope with the lack of a support system. Even though he could see his kids, the fact his two best friends were gone slowly broke him, but he knew he had to keep going.

When Jameson came along, Chase immediately knew he had to protect him. He pretty much adopted him as his son a few days after they met. They became very close very quickly, and the relationship they shared proved to be very good for Chase

When Schneep returned nine months later, the four of them helped Schneep ease back into being free again and helped him recover. Chase was there for him the most, wanting to return the favor back when Schneep helped him recover. Once he was well enough, they became drinking buddies, considering they both had the same bad habits and a lot to talk about. Chase prefers whiskey over anything else

He visits Jack three times a week to talk to him. He misses him dearly and desperately hopes he can hear him. He doesn't know that Jack actually can.

Despite his depressing past, Chase truly is a kid at heart, more so than the others. His smiles are one of the brightest you'll see, and his laughs are infectious.

He's a lover of Disney movies and he happily shares this with Jameson. He loves movies in general, but Disney is his favorite. He also adores Kingdom Hearts as a result. He tried to explain the plot to Jameson. He didn't get it.

Chase owns a lot of toys. Legos, action figures, race cars, Nerf guns, you name it. He even owns a few stuffed animals! He actually does play with them all, too; they're not just for show. The others assume he just collects toys, except for Schneep. He's the only other person who knows, and he vowed to keep it their secret. On the mornings where the others are busy and they're the only two in the house, Schneep will watch Chase play with his toys in his room while he sips coffee. It's some of their favorite moments they share together

Chase has an unashamed love for dinosaurs. He has gray pajamas with green dinosaurs on them and he openly wears them around the house. He often gets teased about it, which he responds by sticking his tongue out at whoever is doing the teasing

His favorite hat was a gift from Jack. He's rarely seen without it

Chase knows when to be mature and when to relax. He may not appear so, but he can really get focused when he has to, especially when it comes to the things that mean the most to him. Family is one of those things

Chase suffers from phantom pains and migraines because of the gunshot wound in his temple. On the days it's too bad to leave his bed, Marvin takes over the channel, and Schneep takes care of him. He also suffers from flashbacks and panic attacks, but he has people there to ground him

Chase is Bisexual. He's only been in relationships with women so far, and as of now he hasn't had the motivation to see anyone else. His family comes first, the channel second, and that's what he's choosing to focus on right now. He does want Stacy back, though, but he doubts it'll ever happen.

Aaaaaand I think that's it! At least, I hope it is. This one is REALLY fucking long and I wasn't expecting it to be, so sorry about that! I think the next longest one will be Schneep's probably, so I may do him next to get him outta the way. Idk

#jacksepticeye #chase brody #septicego hc #septicego headcanon #suicide tw #abuse tw #alcohol tw #long post #vio stormcaller

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semercury · 5 years

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i just need to vent for a hot minute. and yes, i am tipsy, don’t judge me.

we got talked to about “potential life altering changes” today. which idk why my parents worded it that way, it makes it seem so much more terrible than it is. but... my cousin who is moving a few states away... the house they were wanting to move to is disgusting and terrible, but their house here already sold and they are closing on the 8th of january. so if they can’t figure out something else with the new house or find a new one, they’d be homeless. so my mom and dad are wanting to offer to let my cousin and her four kids stay here while her husband tries to figure out something down in where they’re moving while he works.

and like... of course i don’t want them to be homeless. and i’m more than willing to share space with them. it’s just... our house is tiny. it can barely fit the four people who live here already. there’s no way five more people can comfortably live here.

and idk if it’s me always feeling to need to be my best for people outside of my immediate family, but... like. they’ll see me when i’m gross. when i’m sad. when i’m drunk, bc that’s inevitable.... (tho... my cousin has seen me drunk... and i’ve seen her drunk.... so like..)

and Christmas is in a little over a week and i’m just so... this year is going to be so hard. me throwing a fit about traditional polish Christmas eve dinner made my mom want to do it again, and i feel guilty for it. she didn’t want to do it. she was thankful that we didn’t have to do it this year. but.. i need something i can hold on to. this year’s holidays are going to be so hard... they already have been. at least on thanksgiving i was able to cook up so many things it distracted me, but we’re needing to do family Christmas early and it just... idk.

everything’s weird. nothing in my life adds up.

for Christmas, i want to switch to the good timeline. because clearly i’m in the bad one. so much shit has happened.

like, hey, remember when the world was supposed to end in december 2012?? i kinda think it might have, at least for me. that’s... really when everything absolutely went to shit. i mean, my life was hell before, but after that?? it seems like every year that follows is a hotter plate of shit than the last... and considering i almost killed myself in 2013, i think that’s saying a lot... it has literally gotten worse than that. i think it’s bc others around me are suffering. it’s not just me. and that’s what hurts the most.

my head hurts so bad right now. it can’t just be from the alcohol, i really didn’t have that much. it could be from the new hormone meds to fix me. it could be from tapering off my one antidepressant, which when i went off it for the first time, that was literally the only time in my life i’ve had a migraine so bad i had to miss school. it could be from stress. it could be from taking a nap too late in the day with my contacts in.

my brain feels like it’s going to explode for so many reasons. nothing ever gets solved. i just get more shit to worry about. this entire year has sucked so badly. 2019 better treat me fucking right. i’m so sick of all this. something’s gotta give. somethings gotta get better. it can’t keep being shit like this.

except... i have a nasty feeling it won’t... my cousin will be leaving no matter what, taking away a third of the family i have left close to me. my other cousin will continue to be put under enormous stress, making us all worry about her. her daughter will continue to be... well... i’d be willing to bet half my savings account that this july when she turns 18, she’s going to leave and we’ll never hear from her again. i don’t want to keep that money, but i have a bad feeling i will. continuing to cope with?? all the shit my family has been through this past year?? finding new normals. i hate that. i hate that i’ve had to do that so much from the time i was 11. things never get easier, you just get used to a new normal. and my friend is also moving away. so that’s like. another shitty thing. i’m happy for her and her husband, but i literally have one irl friend near me then. i have one friend. that’s it. like shit, people wonder why i never do things and it’s like?? i have two friends and they’re both really busy... and then of course all the bullshit on here. i literally had to force myself to sleep this afternoon so i could stop thinking about it. everything is upsetting. everything reminds me of what happened. my only escape is to be unconscious or like... so busy i can barely think at all.

and really? that’s not unusual. i’m always running away from things. idk why i thought it would get better with age.

but... i do hope 2019 will be a good year in spite of all of this. maybe the shit will keep happening, but maybe i’ll finally be able to handle it and not crumble at everything. maybe i’ll see some self improvement. i’ll work more towards my goals. i’ll get healthier, physically and mentally. hell, maybe i’ll even learn it’s okay to love myself. who knows. possibilities are endless.

but for now, i’m just so fucking exhausted.

i would like to catch a break please. i would like things to stay consistent for a while please. i would like to stop literally worrying myself sick over others please.

thank you.

#stuff sarah says #vent #ignore this i'm out of here for a while again #idk #life is just ggghfhhghhhhhhh a lot rn #too many things... let there be less things... please

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othernecessarythings · 4 years

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let’s go

and btw it it’s weird that i just tell my whole life story like this where no one will ever read it, and it’s kinda cringe that i’m writing in english for no one but myself, but whatever here we go

TWENTY ONE PILOTS

* implicit demand for proof: are you more of a skeptic or a believer?

skeptic, i’m no good at believing or being optimistic smh

* fall away: are you afraid of heights?

not really

* the pantaloon: describe your favourite shirt.

ooh i’m right now is it probably my big, deep blue nike hoodie? idk it just fits to everything

* addict with a pen: write a four-line poem about whatever’s on your mind.

please reopen the schools (wait four-line? i read four-worded huh)

* friend, please: what is the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?

my friend gave me a decorated photo album, it’s one of my most priced possessions (does that expression even mean that? i mean it’s very important to me anyways)

* march to the sea: you are given one day to live, with unlimited travel capabilities in that time. where do you choose to die?

probably here in my hometown? i’d travel as much as possible, but i’d still like to die where i belong

* johnny boy: have you ever risen to an occasion in a way of which you are proud?

hm probably, but i can’t really come up with any

* oh, ms. believer: is your favourite season the same now as when you were younger?

yeah, i’ve always preferred spring/summer

* air catcher: give your most unpopular/controversial opinion about love.

that it’s no rush trying to find love? everyone’s like it’s okay if your first love is in your 40’s, but i feel kinda stressed out that i haven’t fallen in love yet

* trapdoor: when have you felt invisible?

um the whole winter of being 14? but like invisible for everybody else, painfully visible for myself while i simultaneously shut off and didn’t feel a single emotion for like half a year,, yeah aha ha good times

* a car, a torch, a death: favourite way to travel? least favourite?

favorite: train, i always have a special and exciting goal if i travel

least favorite: car i guess, it’s just so mundane and boring

* taxi cab: tell us about the most memorable journey you’ve taken.

i’ve been on lots on journeys, but they’re all like typical family trips, so allow me to get poetical here, i guess the most memorable journey has been my own? like how i have evolved and developed to where i am today? hmm

* before you start your day: name your favourite part of your morning routine.

getting to check others private snap stories and to see what has happened during the night for them

* isle of flightless birds: what do you think is the most beautiful part of nature?

ah i love love nature and the complexity of it and how everything is connected, but like one specific thing? sunsets. it may be basic, but i’m a real slut for sunsets

REGIONAL AT BEST

* slowtown: where is your sanctuary?

i live by the sea, so i’ve got a few safe places near the shore that’s my favorites,, and like my best friends house, i always feel at home there too :,)

* glowing eyes: you inherit the powers and status of one well-known superhero. which do you choose, and why?

um i’m not that much for superheroes but like shuri from black panther is really cool and super smart, so that would be awesome!

* kitchen sink: what is something that only makes sense to you?

i’ve never mentioned this to anyone before, but i kinda think in shapes? ye not gonna elaborate on that one, but i feel like that’s not really explainable to anyone but myself

* anathema: what is a word most people don’t know? give its definition.

okay the swedish word fika,, like i’m very confused by how you non swedish guys live your lives without that word?? it basically means to “sit down, eat something sweet or more of a snack, have a cup of coffee or similar, and just talk and enjoy time together” and it’s very useable and necessary in my vocabulary

another word i thought of was the swedish word dygn. the translation is a day, but like we have a word for day too. day=dag. but a dygn is more like the 24 h the day lasts, while the dag only lasts during daytime,, idk it sounds complicated but it really confuse me sometimes when someone says a day, cause idk if they mean like the whole dygn, 24 h, or only daytime,, okay rant over

* lovely: how often do you express affection?

sigh i’m really bad at it and i should show the people i love how much i appreciate them more often, but when i do is it usually in form of words and thoughts,, i’m not a touchy person, not the one to give lots of gifts either, but i like to show it in words

* ruby: has a stranger ever permanently impacted your life?

hm no not really a stranger? but i mean some celebrities (*ahem tyler joseph*) have really changed my life, and i guess i’m just a total stranger to them but it feels like i know them personally for me

* be concerned: name an issue you believe should receive more attention.

all the species doing extinct

* clear: how much of yourself do you wear on your sleeve?

um not that much, i’m usually a quite reserved person

VESSEL

* ode to sleep: describe the last dream you remember.

omfg oh the dreams i’ve had lately, they’re something complete different,, like with the quarantine have i started sleeping more, which i guess is good, but i’ve started dreaming so much more and it’s fucking scary how much and how intense i dream now? like every dream seems real, and i’ve started to struggle to remember what’s actually happened in my real life compared to what i’ve dreamt, i can’t separate them and it all mixes together to one confusing mess,, and some dreams have been quite horror like too, not that i’m bothered when i’m actually in them, but more like i wake up and think whatthefuck actually happened

* holding on to you: which part of a conflict do you believe is more important - the journey to solution or the solution itself?

solution, i’m always a solution person, just give me that damn happy ending even with real problems too

* migraine: do you have a favourite day of the week?

no not really, it really depends on what i’m doing each day

* house of gold: what is a childhood dream you had that now seems unrealistic?

hm this is about to be sad but i never dreamt of anything big or special, ive always known that i’ll just end up living a normal life like anyone else? and i haven’t got any special talents or something, so the most creative i can think of is probably a good scientist or something

* car radio: do you enjoy silence?

in the right amount, yes. i usually appreciate silence a lot, whether alone or with friends i’m comfortable with, but that awkward silence sometimes is horrible

* semi-automatic: what is your stance on gun ownership?

disgusting. there’s no fucking argument that justifies having a gun, a possibility to take someone others life. there’s NEVER a valuable reason. sweden is really good with our super controlled gun laws, but like the us desperately needs stricter gun laws

* screen: what is the lie you most regret?

uhm update i think the last time i wrote here was in like april?? so anyways it’s december let’s finish this one lol

oh um i am, as mentioned before, highly scared of conflicts so i’m always weighing pros and cons of lying - and usually am i quite close, so there’s really no big lie that i regret? i tend to stick to the truth bc i’m scared of the consequences that might come if someone discovers my lie

* the run and go: if you were a fugitive, where would you hide out? explain.

simple answer: my friends places, if i had to hide somewhere better than that then maybe like... my grandpas wife has a lovely summer house in norway, yeah i’d hide there

* fake you out: freedom or safety?

depends. right now, fucking freedom. no, but like in theory right now freedom is the only thing i wish for, but i’m actually prioritizing safety bc of obvious reasons and i hope everyone else is too so i can have my damn freedom soon

* guns for hands: what is your favourite metaphor from a book or other piece of writing?

i really wish i was more attentive about such things, right now so i not have a clue

* trees: talk about your most memorable experience with a stranger.

i’m shy and scandinavian so i don’t talk to strangers unless i really have to,, maybe the man who shouted “i want that chinese” and pointed at me when i was in the city with my friends, who made me fully realize that wow people are actually racist towards me

* truce: name an acoustic song (other than truce) that makes you emotional.

misguided ghosts. do i really need to say anything more? no.

#julias mind #self development #just for my own sake

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threadsoftheeasternseas · 7 years

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unrelated but important (?) prsnl post interrupting the queue

gonna keep this short prior to the read more thingymajig but i’m going through some stuff personally and I need to write it down and it’s ofc nothing to do with sims but a whole lot to do with me and I feel like I’ll feel better if I write this down. feel free to skip over this and ignore any form of feelings outside of my pixelated people.

[trigger warning: death/suicide/self-harm]

today and tomorrow (may 10th/11th) marks the four year anniversary since I tried (and almost succeeded) to commit suicide. it is a very surreal week for me to go through the past couple of years, and the distance of time from said event does not change the fact that it happened.

I apologise for the detail i’m about to go into but I feel it is needed for context of how bad my situation had got. (I know I do not need to justify my feelings and my mental health but I am going to explain anyway).

I was in my first year of university, 250 miles away from home, and I felt like absolute hell. I’d made a few friends in my hall, but obviously, this is May, I hadn’t known anyone for more than a handful of months, and talking about my mental health was a difficult thing for me to process. I’d only really mentioned I had a diagnosis of depression to a couple of the girls and they’d been as helpful as they could, given that sort of social situation. I’d let university life get the better of me during my first year. I went out drinking until I could barely walk 4 or 5 times a week, and I’d sleep with pretty much any guy that paid me attention. One guy I met during my first week was a very on-off friends-with-benefits kinda situation, except I wanted more and he wanted less. I spent the whole time at university trying to get away from the toxicity of this relationship and consistently getting drawn back in, to the point it ruined friendships I will never regain.

By May I was in a state of sort-of seeing someone else, but it was quite casual. I’d told him I wanted us to be a “thing” but he was quite happy to keep sleeping with other people as well (story of my life) and one night when he saw I’d texted previous week-one twat that I never stopped going back to drunkenly, he got mad and we fought and whatever chance we had of becoming something solid shattered in a matter of minutes. It felt so unfair. He was allowed to hurt me and go off with other girls, so why wasn’t the openness he wanted allowed to be the same case on my side?

I never planned to do anything with week-one guy, I think all I’d done was ask if he’d got home safe (forever the mother hen). Who knows. All I know is that this argument sent me over the edge.

I’ve felt like shit about myself pretty much constantly since the age of 14 when I found my mum screaming about wanting to kill herself and then having a go at me for not being there for her when I’d run off terrified to call my best friend for advice.

Needless to say my mum doesn’t recall this period of our lives. (She’s in a much better place now - and she has been for a while. I can’t remember what was going on but I think she had just hit a low. She never did hurt herself nor really intended to, and she’s doing fine now.)

I’ve always been shy and less-than-confident of my own abilities, but this was the start of Literal Hell. I spent my last couple of years at school wasting away to the point that about 7 different people in one day asked if I was alright because I had begun to look rather grey-coloured. I was sleeping about 3 hours a night and eating one meal a day.

Things got steadily worse and then better and then worse and slightly better then worse then even worser after that (is worser a word? idk).

I know this is all over the place but I need to write this down. Props to you if you’ve got this far.

BACK TO THE STORY. After argument with said sorta-seeing-but-not guy, I took myself back to my room. (key point here: I was pretty hammered. The clubs around my uni sold very cheap drinks (the north of england is great for that), and I was still in my first year phase of drinking so much I couldn’t see).

All I can kind of remember in that moment was that I felt like such a waste of space; that all I did was hurt the people I cared about, that I didn’t matter, that everyone would be better off without me.

I’d somehow become mildly addicted to painkillers over the year, without really realising, and in my darkest moment, I took a huge overdose. 51 painkillers to be exact. (Who knows why I had that many anyway). All I could think was I didn’t want to be alive any more. I didn’t want to wake up the next morning. I didn’t want to ever have to wake up again.

I spent the next day vomiting my guts up as my body desperately tried to get rid of the damage I’d already done to myself.

It was around 4pm when I had finally not vomited for about an hour and decided that maybe I should go take myself to hospital and see someone.

I will never be more grateful for something I’ve done for myself than this in my entire life.

When I got to A&E and awkwardly explained I’d had an overdose and needed to speak to someone, I got seen pretty quickly. Turns out 51 tablets that all contained paracetemol and half of them also with codeine, I was a pretty high priority case.

I spent the next five days hooked up to an IV having medication to stop my liver from failing, and blood taken every hour. I vomited for six hours straight that first night. But I knew that deep down, no matter how awful I felt, I’d made the right decision to go there.

Nothing will ever be as hard as finding the strength to call my parents in the middle of the night to tell them what I’d done and where I was. Nothing will ever prepare you for how broken that makes you feel. Or when your mum arrives the next day, hotel and travel booked as soon as she could and time taken off work and tears streaming down her face. I will never forget the look on her face when she saw me in that hospital bed that day.

The nurses told me if I’d come to the hospital a few hours later that my liver wouldn’t have made it. I would’ve succeeded. My whole body would’ve shut down soon after. I would’ve died.

I had to find the strength to talk to crisis team therapists and tell my flatmates what I’d done and why I wouldn’t be around for a few days, and then trying to tell university why I needed mitigating circumstances to take an exam at a later date because sorry but I’m in a hospital bed in pyjamas that smell like vomit that I haven’t changed out of in a week.

I’ve gone on a really long-winded way of telling this story, but the point is: today and tomorrow mark the four year anniversary of this happening. It’s painful to think that I still feel like this sometimes, but it’s also encouraging to know I haven’t stooped that low since. I’ve been close, many times. But I haven’t fallen back down that road again.

I may not feel stronger, but I know I am. I’ve found the strength to talk about my mental health, instead of covering it up. I barely drink any more, and I will only take painkillers if I’m suffering from a migraine. I haven’t cut myself in two years.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come but also of how far I am also willing to let myself go. I know I will fight this, even if I spend the rest of my life doing so.

thank you for reading if you read this whole way and please, someone be crying too because I sure as hell am

#non sims #personal

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