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inmyheadimobsessed · 1 year

Text

More Than I Should {pt. 2}

pairing: riri ✘ black!fem!reader

chapter summary: headaches, everyone gets them! your most recent one stems from poor decision making. but the one that reoccurs has a name: riri williams. she's in your head, and alone time with her only causes more pain, and more problems.

word count: 12.9k (juh vibe twin)

chapter contents: angst(barely tbh), cussing, arguing, more of riri being an asshole, reader says something vaguely homophobic, VERY brief mention of menstruation

tags: @verachii @rxcently @widowmakker @fetchyourlife @blackgcomica @n7cje @shurisbbymama @bestfriend491 @mocha-aya @uhwhatsay @shinsousliya @bratydoll @shuriri4life @letitias-fav @axailslink @chidinma @xoxo-dede @percsane @generallysapphic @mbakuetshurisprincess @quintessencewrites @adeola-the-explorer @dejaonline @bubshri @zayswriting @la-reine-insane @shurisjournal @shurismainbxtch @playhousedistee @cafehyunji @bigbigbigfan @andibecamethestars @saintwrld @mysticalmarss @sweetalittleselfish-honey @ogbells16 @marsolgy @randomhoex @chatitajens @cuddl3s4shur1 @abenomeiiii @6-noir @melanated-queen @yamsthoughts @lppriceisright @shuriislut @playgurlxoxo @kya-rose @shuriszn

divider by: @firefly-graphics

note: okay i'm keeping this note short and sweet. hope y'all like this literal dissertation lmao. also sorry if you asked to be tagged and i didn't, just learned i can't tag more than 50 people soo yeah, yikes! love you still though. enjoy! mwah mwah!! <33

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There was hardly any action that came without consequence. An irrefutable fact, you knew this. But knowing a fact, and acknowledging a fact, differed vastly from your ability to care about it. This was the manner in which you behaved last night, there was no care for repercussions, no worry about aftermaths; the promise of consequence fueled you as you ignored your burning throat and staggered steps.

You could not, however, ignore any of it now though. The pounding in your head made sure of that. Heavy eyelids stayed hammered shut, rejecting your pleas for them to open, and your body ached in sync with your throbbing brain.

The night was but a distant memory as you tried, and failed, to recall its events in full. Small flashes appeared behind your locked lids: Music. Dancing. Hakeem’s hands on you, his lips. He smelled good. Drinking, lots of drinking. You were alone and then you weren’t. Riri. Her hands. Her eyes.

Riri had driven you home, held you close, and made sure you were safe. You mulled that thought over, surely that couldn't be right. The rattling in your skull made it hard to discern if your mind was just conjuring things, filling in blank spaces with what you wanted the truth to be. And your phone’s neverending pinging on your cluttered nightstand only worsened your splitting headache.

You groaned, eyes finally peeling themselves open, and reached for the device. It was nine in the morning and you had work in an hour. Great. Tired eyes adjusted to the blinding brightness and fluttered down to the notifications rolling in.

Keem: I'm sorry

Keem: Baby please don't be mad

Keem: Text me back, I’m sorry

Keem: I should've come back I know

Keem: Can you answer the phone, please

Keem: Riri said you got drunk and she took you home

Keem: Are you okay?

Keem: Are you awake yet? Want me to bring you breakfast?

Keem: I know you're mad at me, can we just talk?

Keem: At least leave me on read so I can know you're okay?

That string of texts solidified it all. You were not making anything up. Vivid glimpses flooded back to you now, one apologetic message after the other. Hakeem had left you. You were at the party only because he’d asked, a party in which you knew no one, and he just left you behind. No call, no text, and with Riri of all people. With the girl who despised your presence, though some of her behavior last night could counter that claim. You granted Hakeem’s request, tapping the messages app on your phone and leaving him on read.

The notifications stopped coming after that. It made you smile a little, knowing he was anxiously waiting for you to acknowledge his messages. He was aware you were awake, he knew you'd read his texts, seen the missed calls, and he would have to sit with your decision to willfully ignore him.

You pushed your cozy pink duvet off your body, preparing to stand. Truthfully, there was no recollection of falling asleep inside your head. Everything after getting into Riri’s car was foggy. And there it was, that sensation you'd experienced only a handful of times, but each occurrence came with such intensity, you recognized it instantly. Dread. It was collecting inside you, pooling in your stomach and mixing with your growing nausea as you tried recounting your conversation with Riri. Surely there was one, you talked a lot when you were drunk.

If your past encounters with alcohol were to be used as evidence, there was no doubt that you'd made a fool of yourself.

So maybe this hangover was a blessing, certainly not the one that arrived in disguise, no. You felt every ounce of pain, every whir inside your brain, and your world shifted when your toes dug into the carpet. Nothing about this was concealed or covered, you were well aware of everything going wrong inside you, but it was a blessing all the same. Anything that provided aid in your forgetting a drunken conversation with Riri would be deemed a blessing.

Another groan, this one long, this one annoyed as you wiped your eyes and trekked to the bathroom. There was absolutely no way you'd be turning on the light, the sliver of sunlight peeking through your curtains would have to be enough. But even that was too much.

You spared a glance at yourself in the mirror and you rolled your eyes. One of Hakeem’s shirts draped loosely over your tired exterior, making you all the more irritated the longer you stared at your reflection. “Ahh fuck.”

Sleeping in makeup, another thing that has never once worked out for you. Your eyeliner was smudged off at the ends, no longer holding its sharp winged shape. There was one strip lash stuck to your cheek, and the other one stayed put, sitting pretty right along your lash line. Your hair, oh your hair. She was doing her own thing, and you thought it best to leave your frizzy curls alone. Everything about your appearance was disastrous, coordinated perfectly with your innards. A matching set, both scheming with plans to demolish you. And it was working, their scheme.

There was no desire to fight back, not even a pinch. Brushing your teeth was painful. Washing your face, exhausting. Warm water cascading down your body though, that would remedy you, all of you.

It was immediate, your mind's trailing to her, to Riri. You’d hardly stood under the drizzling showerhead for long before your thoughts decided to betray you. But the two of you resided on different pages as of late, which was a thing you weren’t used to, considering your brain was usually your best friend. The muddling of that relationship was all your doing though, with your recklessness, and your impulsiveness. One could also blame Riri for your being at odds with your head. She always clawed her way in, in spite of all your efforts to keep her out.

You tried not to think about her as you lathered your wash rag, closing your eyes in attempts to push her away, but her face stood fierce in your mind's eye. Riri’s face. Despite the permanent scowl she wore when around you, Riri was very beautiful. It was an objective observation, calling her anything but would be a lie.

As you washed your body, as you let the soapy streams from your rag trickle down you, you couldn't help your drifting thoughts, couldn't fight them. What did Riri’s face, her beautiful face, look like last night as she drove you home? She was probably annoyed, that was a given. What did you say to her on the drive? There were remnants of accusing questions on your tongue, the taste they abandoned in your mouth rancid as it blended with the minty freshness of toothpaste.

Being curious about what you’d said to her was reasonable, it was rational. Your mission was to make her like you, get Riri to be something resembling a friend to you, and if you’d said anything to offend her last night, wanting to know was a warranted response. Right? No matter the level of embarrassment. Especially given that she was gracious enough to take you home. She didn't have to, she didn't want to, but she did. You ran the warm cloth along your neck, your shoulders, across the small of your back.

She’d touched you there. That you remembered. It was dizzying: the press of her digits, the way they indented your flesh. Riri was kind in her embrace. You were still having a hard time accepting that Riri Williams would be kind to you. Why would she be kind to you? Perhaps it was pity that drove her. The girl abandoned by her boyfriend. Drunk. Sad. Lonely. Of course she pitied you, you gave her ample reason to. If only you retained more, if only the specks behind your eyes would arrange themselves accordingly.

You decided to end your shower, your headache was subsiding, but thinking about Riri, trying to understand Riri was pulling it back. The shower had to remain your sanctuary, a safe place that she was not allowed to infiltrate. You deserved that at least.

Once you were dressed in your work uniform: blue polo with the Freeda’s logo, tan khakis, and your beat-up black vans, you exited your room. Dealing with your hair, you decided, would be tomorrow's problem. Your body still housed exhaustion, but the Tylenol you swallowed alleviated some discomfort. Opting for a low-tension hairstyle was your best bet: a low, very loose puff that poked out the back of your matching Freeda’s cap.

When you emerged into the living room, the sight of your roommate lounging on the couch with a bowl of Lucky Charms cradled in her palms, startled you. She had not been home in days and you’d grown used to living alone. You also enjoyed having the food you paid for to yourself as well. “Talia, what I tell you bout eating my shit?”

Her eyes did not leave the Tv screen as she scooped another spoonful into her mouth. You eyed her, watching as droplets of milk tumbled from the utensil to the cushions, growing annoyed with her lack of effort to clean it, or eat at the table. “I thought you bought it for both of us.”

You rolled your eyes, heading to the kitchen to fill your water bottle before leaving. There was already too much bouncing around in your head, and you refused to add Talia being a slob to that list. The time on the clock read 10:15. You were already late. Fantastic. A quick text to your manager would at least buy you some time, an hour at best, but you couldn't complain.

“Oh, those came for you.” Your gaze followed Talia’s finger and landed on a bouquet of flowers sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. The image pulled a memory to the forefront of your mind, the memory of you in that same position. Your back pressed flush against the door, you trying to catch your breath.

Something about last night made your heart race, even now. Your mind omitted that part, maybe it was best you couldn't remember, even though a small part of you yearned to know. Riri was involved, undoubtedly. Her essence always found itself present whenever your heart sprinted.

Your groan made your roommate turn her head, clearly more interested in your relationship drama than the show on the screen. Did Hakeem really think flowers, you picked them up and examined them, with a corny note would fix things? He was unbelievable.

“He dropped them off when you were in the shower. I ain't let him in though. He was fidgeting and looking all forlorn, so I just guessed y’all was fighting or something.” She stood, taking her bowl to the empty sink, and instead of washing it, she just set it down. Another thing that irked you about Talia. But she was real, the closest thing you had to a friend on campus, which was sad. Maybe this was why you sought after Riri so much; you needed female friendships. Talia would do for now though, even if she was messy and she ate all of your food.

“We are. But it’s whatever,” You lied, reaching for your bag. “I’m finna head out, and please wash that damn bowl T. You see it wasn’t nothing in the sink.”

“Don’t do me, Ima wash it, damn.”

•••

Taking the bus did not tend to be an activity enjoyed by most, and that was understandable. The fumes, the strangers, the waiting; these were all deterrents. None that affected you, however. The smells: burnt diesel and other mystery aromas were not favorites of yours, and the waiting was certainly not ideal, especially when you were almost an hour late to work already. But, you enjoyed people watching, guessing the destination of unknown persons. The authenticity of taking public transit was a lore that enticed you for some reason.

And it had ever since you were a child. It was not a stretch to say you loved taking the T. It cleared your head, made you think less. The morning rides consisted only of you and Steve Lacy massaging your eardrums. Quite literally no thoughts, solely vibes. This was your constant, a constant that never varied. Until now, as you sat, head vibrating against the window of the rumbling bus.

Your trip to work was one you looked forward to, it was your peace. Dealing with entitled customers was a stressor, evidently, so you reveled in your tranquil journey. Your music calmed you and kept you sane until you had to face the inevitable.

But Hakeem’s likeness being present in your mind only served as a source of agitation, his audacity. Flowers? Flowers were supposed to make you forgive him? Had he bothered to get your favorites, then maybe you’d be willing to hear him out. Did he even know your favorite flowers were Tulips? Ignoring your bubbling annoyance was near impossible, your brain refused to erase the image of wilted weeds on your floor. Using The Lo-Fis as an instrument of escape was not working either.

The texts were back, and every buzz felt from your phone tucked between your thighs made your eye twitch.

Keem: You get my flowers?

Keem: You at work yet? Can I swing by after I pick up my car?

Keem: I miss you baby

Keem: I know I fucked up, but can you please talk to me?

You: I hate Daisies.

The vibrations ceased and you grinned, but your leg continued its aggravated bouncing. The elderly lady seated next to you shifted some, clearly uncomfortable with your movements. Could she feel how angry you were? Possibly, but she would just have to deal with it. Two more stops until you got off. So much for enjoying your bus ride to work.

Your eyes rolled at the mere thought of Hakeem's face again. His pretty face, his pretty stupid face. Were relationships supposed to feel this way? This could very well be standard. It wasn’t like you’d know, you had nothing else to compare this one to, no other notches in your belt. Couples fought, your parents did, but they still loved each other.

It was possible you were overreacting. Many of your friends from high school would be urging you to forgive Hakeem. Should you? A question you pondered as you stepped off the bus and into the busy street. Forgiving him so soon didn’t feel right, primarily when you considered the severity of the situation. He left you alone at a party with dozens of strangers. Any number of things could've happened to you in that house. It was a huge fuck up, he knew this, and it was not something you were prepared to move past. And certainly not without a conversation.

But there was no desire to speak to him, so a conversation was off the table. Blowing up your phone would not change that.

Steve Lacy still sang sweetly to you on your upward trek, the question still thunderous in your mind. Your walk was short and familiar enough as you approached your destination. Daze ended, effortlessly transitioning into Out of Me Head, and you knocked.

Once. Twice. The door flung open right as you prepared for a third. “Yo, I told you to give me another hour, why you–”

Riri’s stunned expression forced you to smile hesitantly. “Hi, Riri.”

She glanced over her shoulder quickly, then back at you. Emotionless eyes on a stern face took you in, and you watched the way she sifted through expressions. Riri peered behind her again, before stepping completely out of her garage and shutting the door. She stood in front of you now: arms crossed and biceps flexing in her white tank top. Her braids were in a ponytail today, accentuating her facial features. The style brought those cheekbones out of hiding, simple, but cute.

She sounded bored when addressing you, “Aren't you supposed to be at work?”

It dawned on you then, that you were indeed supposed to be at work, and some of that off-the-hook buzzing your phone was doing could very likely be Benny. Realization settled in when you assessed your surroundings. You missed your stop, unconsciously, and somehow ended up here. At Riri’s garage. This wasn't something that's happened before. You never missed your stop, not ever. Every day, you rang the bell two stops after passing the KFC on the corner of Anchor Street, then you walked ten minutes up the road to the crosswalk, before finally arriving at the back of Freeda’s.

This was your routine, it had been for months. Usually, you followed a strict schedule, one that you rarely ever strayed from. Organization was important to you, punctuality was important to you, so it was safe to say you felt thrown.

But these were the consequences stemming from your decisions last night, the ones you claimed not to care about. The waking up late, the unsatisfactory ride, and the ending up here. All repercussions of your actions.

“Oh! Um, y-yeah I–” Stumbling over words around Riri was apparently your brand, you were trying, but the way she eyed you intently made it difficult. More difficult than need be. Damn those eyes of hers. Striking, intense, and curious. Enunciating in her presence was an impossible feat.

Staring back at her with the same intensity, that was your body's defense. Involuntary, but it seemingly did the job, because she shifted, and her arms loosened.

Riri cleared her throat, pushing her fists into the pockets of her sweats. It was only now that you realized she seemed fidgety. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was sweaty. She huffed, but it wasn't in annoyance, which was a first for her. “Um, what are you doing here?”

“I came to uh, say thank you. For taking me home I mean. I know you didn't have to but–” Was that why you were there?

She shook her head, “Nah it's cool. Not like I was gon leave you there.”

Ouch. That stung, and you could tell she knew that, that's why she said it. Riri only studied you like she was breaking you apart, digging beneath your surface in search of something. Something she wanted and could only find in you. It iced your skin, even in the warm air and you hugged your middle, making her chuckle knowingly.

“That all you came for? To say thank you? Cause I got shit to do today.”

You nodded, and she took that as her cue to leave. Desire to ask her about last night scorched your throat, the things you’d said. There was little reason to believe you hadn't embarrassed yourself, any time you had alcohol swiveling in your system, this was a given. So it was not a matter of if you had, but more so the extent. Riri held all the answers, but you weren't entirely confident in her willingness to bestow them upon you. Every encounter with her was evidence to back this claim.

Riri Williams enjoyed having the upper hand, in every situation really, and with everyone, but dominating you — besting you, scratched a particular itch she seemed to always have. It did not take long to pick up on this fact, and you knew she would dangle the answers you sought over your head if need be. You decided to ask anyway because what did you have to lose? Dignity? Shame? Surely you’d already lost those in Riri’s eyes.

“Actually th–” The door opened before she could turn the knob and you gasped.

A girl, almost the same height as you, maybe a few inches taller, emerged gracefully from inside the garage. Stunning. That was the only word your brain allowed you to think. She was stunning, breathtakingly so.

Tattoos covered her arms, twisting, turning, stretching, and connecting with the ones on her neck and chest. Each one of them a chapter in an overarching story. You wanted to read that story. They complimented her deep complexion well, so did the gold jewelry in both her nostrils, and the ones that ran along the length of her ears. A star-shaped ring poked through her septum, and it matched the one dangling from her belly button. And when she spoke, you took notice of the bead in her tongue.

“Oh hi! You're cute, who are you?” The compliment struck you. Hard. Her smile sucked you in as your eyes scanned her body. It curved in all the right places, all the places yours did not. This girl — this woman — exuded self-assurance. All the confidence in the world belonged to her, and she wasn't opposed to sharing, but only if you deserved it. You had to earn it. You wanted to earn it. Desperation drove your need to absorb the beams flowing off her person, and your face said as much.

Riri’s sly smirk did not go unnoticed, your awe amused her, but it was something you'd pay attention to later. Right now, all efforts were focused on her mystery girl. She made you feel small and insignificant, but there was no doubt she would build you a wall of security if you begged. You wanted to beg: for her name, her friendship.

Dark eyes and fiery hair colored your world as you racked your brain for your name. You had one and you knew it up until a second ago, the syllables danced right on your tongue.

You blinked. She was dead set on getting an answer, but you hadn't one to give. “I'm…”

Riri pulled the taller girl in by her perfect hips, fingers sliding over the many waist beads decorating the base of her spine. “That's Keem’s girl.”

Mystery girl’s arms draped Riri’s neck. She dragged them along her damp skin and your eyes chased her short manicured nails; you watched every move they made against Riri. How her thumbs grazed her jawline, how fingertips pushed against the nape of Riri’s neck, brushing the stray curls sitting there softly. She smoothed her palms over Riri’s throat, and the scientist grinned darkly. “Ahh, Keem’s girl.”

Your existence slipped their minds, this you were sure of. And you were proven correct when Riri squeezed Mystery girl’s ass in her flared, patterned, yoga pants. When you gasped again, Riri flicked her eyes to you, but it was only briefly. Her smirk, the one you'd witnessed hundreds of times over the past three months, was now in its deadliest form. She shot it directly at you with the intent to kill. And if you hadn't known better, you would have thought yourself dead.

Riri nodded against Mystery girl’s forehead. “Yup, Keem’s girl.”

You did not enjoy the way they placed emphasis on his name, Keem’s girl. They slurred it like you belonged to him, something possessed and owned. The two of them behaved as though you were some part of a secret only they shared, and you despised that too. How did this girl know you? How well did she know your boyfriend?

Mystery girl pulled away from Riri, but Riri yanked her back. The image of that exchange sparked a flicker of familiarity inside you. Riri was strong, her hold willful. You knew this from experience and you felt sorry for the girl. She did not at all look perturbed by Riri’s grip though, in fact, she looked as though she enjoyed it.

“Ri baby, I gotta go.” She whined, but Riri refused to let her go.

She giggled when Riri got on her tippy toes to kiss her neck. “I know.”

“So let me go? I was with you all night.” She giggled again, this time from Riri’s hands trailing her exposed back. She was with Riri all night? After she dropped you off?

This was an intimate moment between two women who were comfortable with each other in every way imaginable. You should look away, you should leave, go to work. But your pupils were locked on their embrace, locked on the way Riri showed affection.

“I'm seeing you later?” Riri laced her fingers through Mystery girl’s hand and she smirked down at the smaller girl.

She stayed silent for a beat, only eyeing Riri, making her anticipate an answer. And Riri was very much on her toes as she waited, eager to know. You too, found yourself anxious to know as you pursued her unspoken words. Would Riri indeed be seeing this Crimson-haired goddess later?

She bit her lip and Riri gasped, “Ion know. You wasn't really nice to me last night.”

“You know you love when I'm mean.”

Your body's reaction to that line was odd. A strange feeling, one you were unaccustomed to. A whimper? You swallowed it back down and blinked, you should really get to work. But your feet were planted in the gravel, unmoving and awkwardly standing as the two women devoured each other before you.

Riri was the first to break the kiss, and she exhaled. “So I'm seeing you later.”

“I ain't say all that.”

She wiped her lip with the pad of her thumb, “But I am seeing you.” A statement, not a question. Riri was confident in this, she was certain of it.

Mystery goddess girl rolled her eyes and kissed Riri on her cheek, “You gon see me Ri baby.”

“You know I love when you say my shit like that.”

The girl smiled and backed away slowly, eyes still locked on Riri’s frame. “Yeah? I’ll make sure to say it like that tonight then.”

“Bye Keem’s girl.” And with a flirty wave, she was off, strutting toward a jeep that rivaled her afro’s flames.

Her scent danced past you as it followed her, lingering in your air, permeating your pores. She smelled of shea butter and incense. Jojoba oil and fresh vanilla. It was all too much, too heady, and that throb from this morning returned. Only this time you welcomed it, this time the pain was necessary if you planned to keep her aroma in your memory. “B-Bye…”

Your eyes scurried after her, widening at the way her hips switched. Your own hips couldn't — wouldn't — move that way if you dedicated your life to making them. It was obvious she was a lot, but a lot was enough, it would have to be if you planned to make Riri’s gorgeous, goddess, mystery girl your friend.

Riri watched you watch her girl, and those searing eyes of hers rose in temperature the longer you stared. She’d been eyeing you for a minute, so long you were beginning to sense her bustling...annoyance, was it? When you spun to face her, you learned you were indeed correct, Riri was annoyed.

Funny how that worked. Minutes ago she was making out with the most gorgeous girl, blissfully ignoring your existence, and now, your existence was all she paid attention to. Her quick way of shifting between emotions was truly something. She scrutinized you in that tense way she did, and you wanted to shy away from her glare.

“Why are you still here again?” She didn't wait for your response. Riri opened the door and stepped through, so naturally, you followed her like the lost puppy you were.

•••

The garage was messier than when you were there last. Riri’s tools were scattered about, half-done sketches and crumpled sheets of paper littered the floor, scrap metal too. Dull, clunky, and unpolished.

There was a lack of organization, lack of structure in the way the parts were disbursed, like she’d just dragged them in and left them wherever. You stepped over each of them carefully, inspecting them intently. It was eerie really; you’d imagined what Riri’s brain would look like if it were to explode countless times, and the scene before you now, matched your conjured scenario perfectly. The accuracy astonished you.

The endless scribbles on her board were to be expected, dimensions for something she was clearly building, or rather something she was enhancing. The dented steel and iron plates in the corner told you as much, but identifying the something was another task entirely. It had your gears turning though, your own mind alive and brimming with possibility.

Fighting the impulse to touch her things was hard, they were pretty, and you were curious. But you heeded her previous outburst; upsetting her once more was not in your plans.

Riri disregarded you completely, attention stolen away by her work on Hakeem’s silver Toyota.

That stupid Toyota. He’d kissed you for the first time in that car, after your second date. He was sweet, so gentle in the way he'd held your face and brushed your lips. The pair of you had many memories wrapped up in that car, but now, you only wanted to smash it. Break the frame you placed it in, the frame that housed your memories, and undo all of Riri’s work on the vehicle.

“Ugh.” Your scoff was loud and apparently alarming enough to perk Riri’s ears, and she let a chuckle slip.

She seemed fine with your still being there, unperturbed and content to continue ignoring you. Why were you still there? Why weren't you at work? You’d texted Benny a half-assed lie about cramps, he didn't question you, and it made you grateful for the terror menstruation awoke in most men.

So now here you stood, aimlessly gazing and fidgeting around Riri’s safe space, a safe space you'd infiltrated twice now. As your brain spun in deliberation, you shifted your weight from your right leg to your left with a huff. You still wanted to ask her about last night, but you could not decide on the best approach.

“Bruh, if you just gon stand there looking lost, can you just be quiet or something? Damn. All that heavy breathing.”

Her admonishment caught you off guard, you weren't aware she was paying attention to you and you truly didn't know what to say. “Uh...”

Riri’s head emerged from under the car’s hood and she leaned on the front of it. Her eyes were glued to you immediately after, scanning your work uniform up and down. Yours, however, panned to every other thing that occupied the same space as the two of you: the car tires, the cloaked bike sitting unbothered next to her car, her computer screens.

Another staring match would not be smart, you hadn't the stomach for it. The goal was nonchalance, but it was a failed attempt, you knew this the moment you caught her snide chuckle.

“If you insist on being here, for whatever reason, you could at least help me.”

Surely you didn't hear her correctly. Riri Williams wanted your help? Your face must've given your bewilderment away, because she rolled her eyes and parted her lips to clarify, “I meant like hand me tools and shit. No way Ima actually trust you to work on Keem’s car. You might fuck around and pour peroxide in his gas tank or something.”

You bit back a laugh and she quirked a brow. She wasn't wrong, fantasies about sabotaging his motor, slashing his tires, and removing his spark plugs were rattling around in your head, especially with it sitting right in front of you. But you'd never do anything too crazy.

“Peroxide in the gas tank is definitely an idea. Luckily for him I'm not insane.” You stepped over to her hesitantly and stood beside the vehicle, awaiting instruction.

Riri huffed, holding in her own laughter, “Right...” Gloved hands pushed off the car’s hood and her head disappeared again.

“Hand me that ten millimeter.” Riri outstretched her palm, waiting for you to press the tool into it.

She loosened the bolts with the socket and you watched her wrist twist with practiced precision, popping them all off one by one, and a line of sweat trickled down your back.

“His alternator is fucked up, ain't it?” Your neck craned nosily as she examined the way the serpentine belt was wound, paying close attention to its connection to other components around it. You knew she'd have to reroute it again once finished, back around all the engine pulleys. Once she had the belt removed completely, she scanned it for frays. And just as you’d suspected, there were many. She’d have to replace that too.

All those times you’d warned him about his dimming headlights, the countless times you'd pointed out his check engine light, his battery light. Hakeem’s dashboard always twinkled and blinked. And he promptly ignored all of the flickering. You knew something was up with his car, long before that grinding noise emerged too. His car was old, and with old age came problems, but a lot of this could've been avoided if he wasn't as stubborn as he was.

“Yup.” Riri plucked the corroded car part off the side of the engine and presented it to you. Luckily, replacing it was a quick fix, even quicker with Riri at work. She bit her glove off before swatting sweat from her temples with her bare hands and you swallowed harshly.

You coursed each of her motions, watching as she walked over to her messy work table and rummaged through the clutter for the replacement part. Her shoulder blades flexed as she dug around and Riri spoke to you with her back turned. “So, you gon tell me the real reason you showed up here? And why you ain't at work?”

“Just to say thank you. For last night.” She was in front of you again, swirling the part in her hand and your mind alike. It was larger than her entire palm, but she fisted it like a pro.

That smirk was back, less murderous, still as sly. “You sticking to that, huh?”

“You think there's another reason I'm here?” The warmness of the garage and the heat radiating off Riri who stood impossibly close were on a mission to strangle you, you were sure of it. She inspected the alternator in her palm, then her eyes panned to you. She inspected your posture, assessed your breathing, then shook her head.

Your hip was still pressed into Hakeem’s car, the socket wrench still dangled from your digits. Averting her glare was never a thing you could do for long, so eventually, your eyes met. Amusement clouded her pupils, amusement and intrigue. Something else too, but you wouldn't touch that, not now.

She bit her lip, eyes still taunting you. “I know why you're here.”

“Why am I here?” Immediately, you regretted the question. The tilt of her head, the curve of her lips, and the narrowing of her eyes alerted you that her answer would not be one you enjoyed.

“You wanna know if you said any weird shit in the car when I drove you home. If you revealed your deepest darkest secrets to me and what not.” She snorted.

You didn't speak, too stunned at her blatant expression of knowledge. Were you that readable? Were you that predictable? Your inhales were uneven, Riri knew this. Her focus on your floating chest told you that. Your polo cloaked your sternum, sheltered those previously exposed parts from the night in question, yet somehow Riri Williams still stripped you bare with those brown orbs of hers.

“I–”

Riri stepped away from you and back to the car, but her eyes lingered on your bearing, marking down its abrupt shift. “You ain't say nothing for real. I mean you said stuff, but not like nun crazy. Well, I mean...”

“What did I say?”

“You wanna hand me that?” She pointed to the belt tensioner bar with a grin and you obliged anxiously, though you could tell she had no plans to answer your question.

Gloved fingers grazed yours delicately, and the sensation tugged on a raspy exhale. You knew this contact; the feeling, the picture was fresh in your memory, albeit skewed. Hands, fingers, reluctance to let go. Riri’s hands, Riri’s fingers, Riri’s reluctance to let go. Of you, of your hand. You blinked, struggling to arrange your thoughts behind your lids.

Another blink. A snapshot of an image. The image of Riri at your door. One more image. Riri’s palm protectively holding yours: tentative, reassuring, grounding.

Fingers snapping in your face pulled you out of your head and back into the world around you. You had to adjust to the lights and your eyes panned down to your boyfriend's car just in time to see Riri replace the battery. She tightened the hold down bracket as a final step and shut the hood, making you jump.

“Aye, can you go start the car for me real quick? The keys are on the seat.”

You nodded slowly, mouth agape, and those amused irises stalked you as you hopped in the front seat. When you turned the key, the engine roared to life, and missing the little self-satisfied smirk that formed on Riri’s lips was impossible. She was proud of herself; it was endearing. You were grinning soon after, voluntarily, as you watched her clean her hands with a nearby rag.

She was thorough with it. She swiped the cloth between her greasy digits and your mind ran back to the detail you uncovered moments ago: Riri Williams held your hand. Those same fingers held yours. What were you to do with that information?

“Aww shit, my baby sounding nice Ri.” The chipper chime of Hakeem’s voice caused your eyes to roll, and it returned your irritation at full force. His footsteps approached the car and you shoved the door open before he could speak to you, jabbing him right in the abdomen.

You were beginning to understand Riri’s love for a good scowl, the one you tossed his way was dangerous, and seeing him recoil satisfied. Hakeem held his stomach, watching you exit his vehicle winningly, and without so much as a word. You caught Riri’s expression, and you were stunned to see her laugh. This laugh was real, one that harbored no sympathy for her best friend. She was genuinely delighted at the sight of him doubled over in pain.

Having Riri on your side made your empty stomach flutter. You’d made her laugh. A step in the right direction, you thought. Possibly.

“Damn baby, not gon say I ain't deserve that, but damn.”

You rolled your eyes again at his words and backed away when he tried pulling you in for a hug. “Fuck away from me.”

Hakeem threw his hands up, “Aight, aight, you got it. But why you not at work? I was gon pull up after I got my car.”

“Ion know what would make you think I would want that. Ion even wanna see you now.” You spat, and his eyes pleaded with you. It wasn't working though, it wouldn't work this time. “And if you must know, I'm not at work because I came here to thank Riri for making sure I got home safely after your bum ass left me to go do whatever the fuck you was doing with random ass niggas last night.”

He tried stepping closer, but you cut your eyes as a warning, and he stepped back again. “I shouldn't have left, but I can't lie, I knew you'd be good with Riri.”

“Aht aht, leave my name out of it.” Riri had taken to tidying up her clutter a bit, tossing things she had no use for. The moment Hakeem mentioned her name however, she readily put a stop to it, and her scolding eyes knocked her best friend down a few notches.

You nodded, letting his words sink in. “So no apology, no accountability? Right, okay. Yeah, fuck you Hakeem.”

His steps were quick behind you as you trotted toward the door, you knew they would be. A small part of you wanted him to follow you. When his fingers brushed your wrist, your legs halted and he spun you. “I'm sorry. I am, I'll never do no shit like that again, that's a promise.”

“Anything could've happened to me in that house Hakeem. I ain't know them people,” Your glare remained stern. “And your bitch ass just decided that it was okay to dip. And let's not forget you did say you were coming back. Didn't you say that?”

Your words were nails, spiteful as they hammered into his chest with force. You took note of the way his face twisted as you recounted his wrongdoings, he was hurt and disappointed in himself. Good. He deserved to hurt, you wanted him to. “I should've believed Riri when she told me you weren't coming back.”

“I'm sorry. I know it ain't enough, but I really am sorry baby girl.”

That rogue baby girl tossed in there should do the trick, it should be the thing to compel your immediate forgiveness. Because those remorseful eyes, and those dimples he kept hidden weren't holding it down on their own. His pretty frown did not move you, so he relied solely on those two words. Unfortunately for Hakeem though, you would not be so easily swayed. It just would not happen, not on his terms.

“You can be sorry. I believe that you are, but you're not forgiven.” You spared a glance at Riri who'd stopped what she was doing. She listened to your word exchange with your boyfriend, and her eyes dazzled with something akin to pride.

She cleared her throat, crossing her arms as she leaned against the parked Toyota. “Y’all done? Cause Keem I need you to get this relic out my garage. Just sitting here it's devaluing all my other shit.”

“Yeah and I gotta get to work. Bye Riri, thanks, again for not being a lame ass piece of shit.”

He reached for your wrist once more, and you let him, despite all of your fibers fighting against it. “Please, just let me drive you? Just let me do this one thing before I leave for the weekend?”

Your eyeroll was to be your yes. It was all he’d get. He grinned softly, and fuck, there they were. Those fucking dimples. Why were you so weak over a division in a person's zygomaticus major? You would have to conduct a study on this very question eventually.

He moonwalked away like a dork, a very cute dork, and you reprimanded yourself for nearly giving in completely. “Alright Ri, talk to me. What's wrong with my baby?”

She regarded him with disgust, and the sight was nice. Seeing that glower directed at him and not you made you blush a little, and you scolded yourself for that too.

“Well ain't shit wrong with her now. But you had hella misfire which was cause of your rusty ass alternator. I replaced that. And your serpentine belt cause that was tore up. Battery was damn near fried. Ima be honest Keem, I really don't know how you was getting around in this car.”

He laughed, because only Hakeem would find hilarity in a situation so dire. “How many times I done told you about that damn car Hakeem?!” You yelled from your spot at the door, arms crossed in annoyance.

“Ain't my fault I'm God's favorite.”

Riri scoffed at the same time you did, and she met your eye line briefly before turning all her attention back to your boyfriend and his death trap. “You not nobody favorite.”

“Nigga did you sleep here?!” You became alarmed by his immediate disregarding of his car. Seconds ago his voice held its signature cheery beat, now though, Hakeem's tone dipped far below the octave you were familiar with. His eyes turned erratic and accusing, darting between Riri and the pillows and blankets on the tattered couch perched at the back of the space.

She tensed instantly at the question. Her jaw locked, there was a gulp, and you studied the measured way she exhaled. You recognized panic, exceedingly well, and that's what Riri did now. She panicked. Hakeem’s question flared fright inside her, and she stumbled over a reply. “Nigga why you in my business?”

A deflection, and a weak one at that. Hakeem thought so too, his expression unimpressed and demanding, but it softened as he looked at her. “Ri, did you sleep here for real?”

“My girl was over last night.” This was your first time hearing her voice emerge so small from her throat. Riri, who always seemed sure of herself, sounded meek, and wounded. Shame stormed her eyes and she flinched when Hakeem spoke again.

He shook his head, “That's not what I asked you.”

“Hakeem, if you wanna drive me to work Ima need you to get on that like right now. Cause I'm already late.”

He ripped his stare from Riri to you, contemplating. You could tell he wanted to continue hounding his best friend, but he also wanted to ease back into your good graces. And if Riri’s quivering lips were an indicator, she wanted an out from this conversation, needed one. So you decided to grant her that by stealing Hakeem's attention. It didn't take long for her to catch wind of your gesture, and those eyes of hers brimmed with appreciation. Riri appreciated you.

You tried not to read into it. You fought your smile. And you lost.

Watching her only broadened it, and you could've sworn there was a slight rise in the right corner of her lips. Or maybe you just wanted there to be.

Hakeem grumbled, “Alright baby let's go.” He glared at Riri. “But we ain't done.”

You walked over to where they stood, and climbed into the front seat with your bag. Riri pressed the garage door opener, and her thumb stuttered. She was still shaken. Miraculous. It was miraculous that you caught that, it was such a subtle thing, barely anything. But you were attentive, you noticed most things about everyone. Observing was a hobby, and it was a hobby you exceeded at.

Hakeem climbed inside and turned the key, cheering when the vehicle revved awake. He rubbed the dash, pressing his face to the wheel and you groaned. “That's my girl. I knew you still had some fight in you.”

As he backed out, your anxiety grew. After having a look under his hood, you weren't entirely confident in this car’s ability to take you anywhere. The bus was safer. “If you kill me in this thing Hakeem we done for real.”

“Ima see you Ri.” He laughed and you waved hopefully at Riri. She didn't return it; expecting her to was wishful thinking

Hakeem was zipping down the street moments later. Your nausea was back now, and with it came that same dread from this morning as well.

•••

Fifteen minutes later, Hakeem pulled up to Freeda’s. All his attempts to talk to you on the drive were proven failures; you drowned him out with your airpods.

“Thanks.” It was emotionless, but you feigned that. Emotions were in fact flowing through you, bubbling ones, ones that scorched. But you swallowed them and allowed them to simmer. He was leaving the city in a few hours. You wouldn't see him and he wouldn't hear from you for the next two days, longer if you had any say in it.

Hakeem's hand grazed your thigh as you moved to get out and you shot him a look. “Just, can you do me a favor while I'm gone?”

“No.” You shifted again, but he pulled you back. “Nigga, don't–”

He reached for your hand, you wanted to snatch it away, but a tender kiss to your knuckles softened your hard exterior. Damn him. “What do you need?”

“Check on Riri for me? Just swing by her dorm, make sure she good?”

You laughed, but his face never moved. Hakeem was authentic in his concern, making you sigh. “Riri don't like me, Keem. And she damn sure won't want me checking up on her.”

“Just, please. She got some stuff going on and I just wanna make sure she don't work herself to death or nothing. That's it.”

Unrest on Hakeem was not a sight you were used to, and it was all for Riri. It made you revisit the panic you witnessed in her eyes. That was strange for her, strange for the Riri you knew. The Riri you’d grown to know carried herself with unshakeable confidence, and you’d never seen even a crack in that. Until today, until Hakeem questioned her about where she spent the night.

It was a question you saw no fault in, if you had noticed the scene he did you would've wondered the same. Inquiring about it would've been off the table, you didn't share the relationship they did, so you couldn't. But it would've been a thought.

Something about that sentiment bothered you. “Okay.”

“Thank you baby.”

You moved for the door again, but you stopped. Your own question barring you this time. “Keem, do you know a girl with a red afro, lots of tattoos, lots of piercings?”

Your description of Riri’s Mystery girl was kept vague on purpose, surely if he knew her that would be more than enough to garner you an answer though.

“Kinda tall, big ass…” He trailed off and you tilted your head, urging him to continue, daring him to try you. “Big ass smile, um, that's what I was gon say. Yeah I know her, Zariyah. She got a big ass smile.” He was audacious. Dumb and stupid and immensely audacious.

“And how you know her exactly?” Your brow quirked, and he shifted uncomfortably under your scrutiny.

Hakeem cleared his throat dramatically and your eyes rolled. “Uh that's Riri’s girl.”

“As in girlfriend?”

He made a curious sound as he rubbed your knuckles with his thumb and it served as nothing more than an irritant. “I mean…”

There was no doubt your face displayed confusion. Was it not a simple yes or no question? “Do you know her in the way Riri knows her?”

This made him chuckle, and it was loud too. “Oh nah nah nah. Zariyah do not swing that way.”

“Huh?”

“She’s gay. Like, gay gay. And she's all about Riri.”

Gay gay. And all about Riri. Okay… The way she spoke earlier made it seem like she knew Hakeem personally. But maybe you read into it too much? Her energy was obscuring that's for sure, and that could've been a factor in your misunderstanding. “She's a lesbian?”

“Yeah.”

“But she’s so pretty.” It was the wrong thing to say. Hakeem's face told you as much. You didn't plan to say it, but the words were on your tongue and out of your mouth before you had the chance to bite them back.

He let your hand go, practically shoved you away, and it startled you. “What you mean by that?”

“No, she's like, I–” Fuck. Words, you needed words to explain your slip up, but even they wanted nothing to do with you now. They avoided you; disappointed and disgusted, and it was with those same emotions that your boyfriend looked at you.

“Bae, you can't be saying shit like that.”

You nodded, you agreed with him. The mere utterance of the sentence crawled your skin. You were trying, unlearning. “I know. I didn't mean it like that. I know pretty girls can be lesbians I just–”

Your breathing increased rapidly and you spluttered nonsensical words. “Baby relax. You're good.”

“I'm sorry.” He guided you through an exhale with a small smile and once again those dimples centered you. Hakeem grounded you just by being, it was a skill, your favorite thing about him. He’d learned you so wholly and the ease in which he did it astonished you.

“You're good. Just, don't say nothing like that again.”

You nodded once more, and this time you smiled back at him.

He squinted at you in that mischievous way he often did and you mentally prepared yourself for what would come. “Why you asking about Riy anyway?”

“So she's Riy now?”

It sank in for him then, and your drive to crawl into a hole was at its strongest. “Oh, she's jealous. You jealous of Riy baby girl?”

Were you jealous? You rolled your eyes at him, “Don't be doing all that. Ain't nobody jealous. I just saw her with Riri earlier and she seemed to know you, and me. So… I was just curious.”

“Mhmm. Okay. We already done established she’s gay as hell. And don't look at nobody who ain't Riri. And if she know anything about you, it's cause I be talking bout you a lot, so you're good, I promise.”

He grinned and you groaned, “I gotta go.”

“Can I get a kiss?” The pearly whites were on full display, so bright and blinding that you almost gave in. But then you remembered you were still angry with him, and he was not forgiven.

You opened the door and leapt out, then slammed it. That was answer enough, but his grin did not waiver. He smiled at you the entire time, waiting for you to make it all the way inside before pulling off.

•••

After your shift, you craved only a single thing: your bed. Your comfy duvet, the plushness of pillows against moisturized skin. Aching muscles yearned for that sensation, to sink into your mattress and be whisked into slumber.

Unfortunately, this luxury was not awarded to you. Because you had homework. And you happened to be a good girlfriend. Which is how you found yourself at Riri’s dorm clutching your backpack and preparing to knock.

Your knuckles rapped at the wood and it took less than a minute for the door to open. Riri’s nose was in her phone, grinning as she swiftly typed a message, and curiosity got the better of you. Prying eyes stole a quick glance at her screen before she caught you and she stuffed the device into her back pocket. The only information you were able to gather was the contact name: Z Baby.

Her decision to acknowledge you was not one made lightly, her grimace displayed that. Her decision to acknowledge you with contempt, however, that you knew came with ease.

“Bruh, you have got to be kidding me. The fuck do you want now?”

You swallowed hard and cleared your throat. You came prepared for this question, for this reaction. “Hey Riri.”

“What do you want?”

Stern irritation glazed her words and you could empathize with that. This was the second time in one day you’d shown up at her door. Well, doors, plural. And you did so unprompted, though your being here now was only to bring your boyfriend comfort. “I thought maybe we could do our homework together?”

“And why the hell would you think I would want that?”

You hadn't expected her to say yes. Yes was easy, and Riri was everything but. “Ion know, I kinda been struggling with some of the concepts and since you're pretty good at this stuff, I just thought maybe you could help me?”

This was not entirely true. Yes, some of the concepts in your differential equations class were hard, but they were supposed to be. You were fine with that, it didn't hinder your ability, you were only looking for a way into her room.

Riri tapped the small whiteboard pinned to her door with her pointer finger, gesturing to the problem written on it. “What does that say?”

“Collatz Conjecture has never been solved, Riri.” You rolled your eyes. So much animosity in such a small body, no way she wasn't exhausted.

“Then why did you knock? The instructions was right in your face. Solve, or don't knock. You know, the way you keep showing up kinda feels like that.” She pointed to the board again.

“What? Like I’m putting you in the 4 2 1 loop?”

She smirked, “Exactly.”

You huffed, growing impatient with her antics. Instances like these reminded you why you avoided her, but that ceased to be the case these days. “Look, I know you don't like me but–”

“Oh? You know that?”

You sighed again, “But, my roommate’s out with her friends, Keem’s out of town and we aren't really in the best place anyway, as you know. And I hate studying and doing homework alone so I wanted to study with you. We have the same class so it makes sense.”

Most of that was a lie. Being left alone was something you enjoyed a lot. You hated unwanted persons being in your space, which was why you understood Riri’s attitude towards you showing up out of the blue. But again, you were a good girlfriend, and Riri deserved to have someone check on her. Even if she made the deed impossible.

“You don't got friends?”

“No.” You spat it harshly, but it was a truthful spit. Something shone in her eyes at your admission. Understanding? Relation?

Riri shifted, pulling her phone out and checking the time. “I got company coming over in an hour, and you gon be up outta here before she get here.” She stepped aside, allowing you in and you shot her a winning smile, one that she scoffed at.

“Sit on the bed, don't touch shit.” Powerful words, shaking words. They drilled into you, her tone laid their foundation, and you did exactly as you were told.

Once settled, legs crossed and bag unpacked, you jumped straight into your work. You chewed on your eraser, deep in thought as you pondered over the questions before you. Riri sat inches from you at her desk, submerged entirely in her phone screen.

Surprisingly, she hadn't shifted her eyes to you one time in the past twenty minutes. This, you weren't expecting. Riri’s exacting gaze was one you’d found yourself used to, one you anticipated whenever you were around her. Whether she shielded it, which she hardly ever did, or not.

But now, even as you sat, unattended on her bed, she paid you no mind. It wasn't an action that you were bothered by, just one you weren't prepared for. It was new, but you could adjust to new. A sigh escaped you as you moved on to the next problem on your homework, and you looked over at Riri. Her smile was still resting on her face like something built in and permanent.

“Your girlfriend is really pretty.” The rumble of your own voice startled you with the drawl of each syllable. This was not something you'd plan to admit, but it was out, and the statement had Riri’s attention.

She spun in her chair to face you, and there they were. Deep brown globes; melted and murky, and forceful as hell. They forced their way beneath the surface of your skin, scanning, searching. “What?”

“Your girlfriend. She's really pretty and seems really cool.” You’d been thinking about Riri’s Mystery girl all day. Her aura, her fragrance, that gold bead punched into her tongue. She was an unforgettable being. A being, you’d found this was the best way to describe her. Otherworldly.

Riri laughed, shaking her head as she eyed you. “Yeah. Zariyah is real cool.”

“She looking for friends by any chance?” You knew your eyes bore desperation. It was hard to care though.

“You wanna be friends with Zariyah?”

You nodded, excited. “I mean, well, yeah.”

“Riy would eat you alive.” And the way she said that sparked a thrill of intrigue. “You ain't ready for that.”

“Ready for what?” Desperate eyes turned curious, and you squinted at her.

Riri’s laugh was always a tad jeering when it was genuine, and you noticed that now with the way she chuckled at you and your request to befriend her girlfriend? Was Zariyah her girlfriend? Hakeem hadn't exactly clarified that for you. “Focus on them problems you working on and stop asking bout my peoples.”

“Can I ask about last night then?” You watched as she sucked in a breath and visibly tensed. Glazed eyes froze on you; their amused tint disappeared, and now, Riri regarded you with uncertainty.

One eye twitched, only for a second, but you saw it. Her panic from earlier brewed beneath that twitching eye, preparing for a spill, but Riri was not the type to let it boil over, especially not in front of you. You weren't Hakeem and you had no exacting effect over her emotions. None that were positive anyway, and none that got her to open up. She could hide whatever was going on from you, and feel no guilt or shame.

That's the other thing you noticed earlier. Shame, painted so prominently across her beautiful face. It complicated her features, blurred them sort of. Shame did not belong there. You couldn't comment on it though, not now. Because that wasn't why you were there. You showed up only to ease Hakeem’s mind, not to pick at Riri's.

“Last night?” Her question was guarded, like she was waiting for something.

You sighed with a nod, “You said I didn't reveal my deepest darkest secrets.”

“You didn't.”

“But I did embarrass myself?” This question’s answer existed already, but you asked anyway because apparently you had a humiliation kink.

Her eyes stilled, relaxing once she realized your inquiries weren't going to be about her. “Oh most definitely.”

“What did I say?”

Riri tilted her head curiously, allowing her pupils to fill with mirth. “You really don't remember what happened last night?”

Your own words of the night eluded you, that was correct. Something else cloaked them. Riri’s hand on you, in yours, those images transcended anything you could've said. Those you had no choice but to remember. Riri’s touch lingered on you still, the heat of her caress was…so much. It was mainly the shock of it really, because you didn't understand it. She puzzled you with her hot and cold, and you didn't like that.

You shook your head, and her body loosened some more, regaining her signature nonchalant slouch. “Well, you cried. Like a lot. And you screamed at me to get away from you, and not to touch you.”

“I think I would remember crying.” You didn't, but it tracked.

“You did, and you tried to run away from me, then you fell, so.”

You groaned at this, slamming your closed textbook against your forehead. “No...”

“You also accused me of being in love with my best friend, which was just…yeah.”

Another groan, this time accompanied by a heated blush. “Fuck...”

“Then you choked yourself with the seatbelt tryna get out the car after tryna convince me you was strong quote ‘like that iron girl from youtube.’” She let herself laugh as she recounted your behavior, and you did the same, even though you were stewing in a pot of embarrassment. It was nice though, seeing her this lax. It gave you a semblance of hope. Maybe you hadn't screwed things up so terribly, and Riri was not entirely closed off to the idea of friendship.

You did, however, pay attention to her purposeful omission of certain details. She did not mention embracing you, nor did she bring up her lingering fingers.

“Was that all? Please tell me that was all, god I can't take anymore.” A test.

One that she failed. “Yeah. I think that's it.” Probably the first test Riri Williams had ever failed in her life. It left you more perplexed than before, but you were beginning to suspect constant confusion would be your new normal when it came to her.

Like her warm fingers, Riri’s gaze lingered on your body as you sat with your legs crisscrossed on her bed. Your laughter subsided, and the cycle was spinning once again. Your skin prickled and tightened. She blinked and you exhaled. Riri licked her lips, fixating specifically on your thighs. And suddenly, the air in the room was too thick to breathe in. Your shorts felt too short and you regretted not opting for sweats. Goosebumps crowded your arms and your neck heated the longer she watched you.

When her phone pinged, it stole her attention and you thanked the universe for making that happen. If Riri stared at you for any longer, you were sure spontaneous combustion would be the end result.

She was once again consumed with her phone and the conversation happening within it. And she'd done it again, flicked the switch that made you an afterthought. The action only cemented how trivial you and your presence were to her.

Returning to your homework was a smart idea, though it took you a minute. You were waiting to see if she would turn around again, but she did not. So you copied her, letting your work consume you and you tuned out her small chuckles whenever a new text message rolled in.

Your professor had assigned some tough problems, but they weren't anything you couldn't handle. A few sighs of frustration did slip whenever you hit a roadblock, though. Which was where you were now, stumped by a particular equation. You sighed again, this one long, this one grabbing Riri’s attention finally.

“Bruh, you gotta shut up or go. You fucking with my concentration.” You weren't entirely sure what she'd enraptured herself with at her desk, but it was not homework. She tinkered with something, and it buzzed lowly. Truthfully, she too was fucking with your own concentration, but you couldn't tell her that, not when she was allowing you to be in her room.

“This problem is really hard, it's just taking me a minute.”

She huffed and you could only assume an eyeroll came along with it as well. “I don't care. Like I said, shut up or get out.”

“Is it in your nature to be bitchy all the damn time?” You dropped your pencil, eyeing her back.

Riri made no move to turn, she only grumbled a response, shoving her face closer to her desk and whatever she was fiddling with. “You in my space blowing your hot ass breath every five seconds. I got the right to be bitchy.”

“Ugh. I’ll go once I solve this.”

“Well hurry up. And I'm not helping you, if that's what all that huffing and puffing is about.”

You scoffed at her, there was absolutely no way she thought you were begging for her help. “Girl, ain't nobody asked for your help.”

She laughed smugly and you watched her fingers clamp around a small screwdriver. “Oh, you didn't?”

“Nah.” Tossing her infamous line back at her made you feel triumphant, because it seemed to still her movements. She dropped her tools and wheeled her chair closer to where you sat on her bed, intrigued. Riri snatched your notebook, scanning the page and the equations you had scribbled on it.

“You got some shitty ass handwriting.” Once she was finished, she tossed it back at you. “And ain't no way you solving that tonight.”

“I can.”

She stood, spinning the chair so the back was facing you before sitting back down with her front pressed against it. Her eyes screamed for a challenge, and you were prepared to give her one. “You really believe that you can, this is so interesting.”

Your glower made her laugh some. You were one eye roll away from yet another splitting headache, it was draining, but Riri Williams was relentless. “You know we're in the same class right?”

“Yeah, but I done seen you almost break your neck tryna stay awake in there.”

“Doesn't mean I don't know the material.”

“I've never seen you confident before.” The way she spoke her sentence made your insides bustle. There was some underlying meaning, but it wasn't one you could figure out. You were focused on the problem at hand, and you were focused on proving yourself.

Your quipped response made Riri’s eyes flare. For a second, it shook you, but only slightly. You stood firm in your declaration because you knew your potential. “I'm confident in my ability to solve this equation.”

“Bet money.” It flew out of her quick and you groaned. Of course she would take this route. A childish one, but you were willing to indulge.

“Five dollars says I can.”

She shook her head, unconvinced, “That's baby money. And for a problem that long, nah.”

“Well Riri, that's all I have in my wallet right now.” You whined. She was truly impossible.

“Fine. Five bucks, but you gotta solve it in five minutes.”

You rejected this proposal, because it was insane. “That's not fair.”

“Well.” She shrugged and you could tell that she wouldn't change her mind. Accepting was your only way out. You would not be bested, and you quite liked the idea of being five dollars richer.

“Okay, fine.”

You grabbed your pencil again, this time determination fueled you. Before, you were ready to give up, eager, but Riri’s taunting put a stop to all that. You would show her, she would see just how capable you were.

Examining the equation before you with a straight face was not easy. Honestly, a lot about what you were looking at puzzled you, but Riri didn't need to know that. Your eraser tapped your chin, mind whirring. “Okay… so I can't separate it because there's two terms on the bottom.”

“This is hilarious because it's so easy.”

“Bruh shut up! I'm tryna think.” Her eyes widened, and she flinched at your outburst. You startled yourself with it too, but it only seemed to make her already existing grin wider.

Again, you went over the different ways to solve it, there were a few, but you were after the easiest route. Time was of the essence. “Fuck, substitution!”

Riri hummed approvingly beside you, “There you go.”

“All I have to do is let u equal the square root of y, but then I’ll have to find du, ugh!” You looked at your work, then over at your laptop. Two minutes, you had enough time. “Okay, okay square both sides. Now I have u squared equals y. Take the derivative, so 2udu equals dy…”

“Times ticking ma.” She was so smug about it, so sure you’d lose. It enraged you. Having others doubt your capabilities was not something you were used to. If it happened, you were never made aware. Until Riri. She doubted you, and merely for her own enjoyment. You envisioned smacking that smirk right off that pretty face. You could do it, right now. Her strength rivaled yours, sure, but she wasn't very big. You could do a lot to her, a lot that she would not be able to counter.

You scribble the last of your answer right as she called, “Time.”

She reached for the paper, inspecting it thoroughly. Her eyebrows raised and your face grew hot the longer she revised your work. Now you were doubting yourself. Did you make a mistake? It was possible. A mistake would throw the entire answer off. And Riri would catch a mistake, however minuscule. You studied her face, searching tirelessly for a tell, anything that would let you know where her head was at.

No. You wouldn't do that to yourself. You refuted the idea that you’d failed. That was not a possibility. You did the work, you studied the material and Riri Williams would not make you feel–

“Damn. Guess I owe you that five.”

Your smile spread like a Cheshire cat’s. It consumed your entire face, every corner, and Riri only watched you, eyes colored with something resembling wonder. “I told you!”

She wheeled her chair back over to her junky desk and plucked a crisp five dollar bill from her wallet. She then presented it to you, only to snatch it back when your fingers grabbed for it. Riri rested her chin on the back of the desk chair, smiling softly to herself at each of your failed attempts to capture the cash. God, she was annoying.

You frowned and on the seventh try, you’d finally had enough. “Just keep the damn money Riri.”

“Slow ass. Here.” She awarded it to you: palm up and bill sitting still inside it. You could seize hold of it, but how were you to know this wasn't another trick? You squinted, and she smirked daringly. It was sick, the way she gained pleasure from taunting you. You reached for the money anyway, and Riri didn't snatch it back. Instead, she captured your hand, lacing your fingers together. Your eyes instantly shot to hers with a low gasp, only to find she was already watching you.

Riri held onto your hand for what felt like forever, and you let her. She kept those deep browns on you, picking apart your reaction to her touch with a soft grin. Your own eyes were locked on the way she clasped your fingers. Something about the stark contrast of your long lavender acrylics, entwined with her short silver nails entranced you. The bill was still pressed between your palms, but its feel was lost on you. You just felt her: the heat of her palm, the tight of her grip.

She eventually let you go, she let you take the money too, and not once did she speak a word. But there was reluctance in her release, just like there was the night before. And there was a stutter in your chest. Your body blazed under continued inspection. How the hell did she do that? Why?

A ding sounded from her desk making the pair of you jump. She regarded you quickly before scooting over to check her messages. You needed to exhale; you were becoming lightheaded from all the gasping you’d been doing.

Anxious eyes panned around the room, and a picture in a bizarre looking frame on her nightstand stuck out to you. You ran your fingertips along it, it was crafted with care, you could tell. Cute. The picture residing within it was of a tall dark skinned man and two little girls with pigtails. He embraced them both as they stuck their tongues out. You smiled at the image, knowing immediately who one of the girls had to be. “Oh, is this you? Baby Ri–”

“What the fuck, don't touch that! I told you to leave my shit alone!” Riri flew to your side, yanking the frame from your hands. A hurricane of emotions flooded through her, its waves were rapid, and it worked hard to drown the Riri you knew from moments ago. This unforeseen monsoon altered her entire demeanor before your very eyes. Her shoulders knotted, she tightened her jaw, and there was lightning in her irises.

The picture was obviously important, and this reaction shouldn't be one that surprised you. You’d gotten comfortable, a foolish move. Your own guard was let down, and you’d assume Riri was doing the same. This assumption was an inaccurate one.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to–” Your outstretched arm was to be an olive branch, but her body jerked away from you, and your hand collided with the frame instead. You watched it plunge to the floor. You waited for the clatter, for the sound of glass breaking. The shattering of shards pierced your ears and you winced, letting your eyes flutter shut.

Terror stirred inside you as you honed in on the tatters of the picture frame. Meeting Riri’s gaze right now struck real fear into you. You could already feel her rage, taste her fury.

“Get out.” She whispered it. Two words made every hair on your body stand tall and you shivered under their hiss.

You found her face for a few seconds, and you gaped at her. Words had forsaken you once more, and you couldn't blame them. “Riri, I–”

“Get the fuck out of my dorm.” She dragged her hands down her face in attempts to wipe away some of her exasperation. “Why the fuck are you still here? I said get the fuck out!”

Riri’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence, stretching your guilt, widening it until it encompassed you and stiffened your entire being. But you obeyed her demand nonetheless, and you began gathering your things in the silent room. Even sound knew to make itself scarce in order to avoid Riri’s wrath. Her eyes were glued to the shards on her floor, and she barely moved.

You mumbled nervously under your breath as you repacked your bag, “I told Hakeem coming here was a bad idea, fuck!”

“Hakeem told you to do what?” The deepness there in her tone was enough to immerse you in the abyss that was now the space you shared with Riri. Or rather her space that she shared with you, and it put a stop to your movements.

“What?” You stared hesitantly at her and she narrowed her eyes.

“Did Hakeem tell you to come check on me? Is that the whole reason you showed up here to fucking bother me and break my shit like a dummy?” Venomous, each word intended to puncture and kill. “You know what, ion care, don't answer that. I'm sure your answer will just piss me off even more. Just fucking go.”

Your inability to leave well enough alone would be your demise one day. You nodded, and headed for the door. “I really am sor–”

Riri slammed the door angrily in your face, and you sighed. You’d deluded yourself into believing a breakthrough was made tonight, that you’d scratched the surface on some of her walls. You sought her friendship, but after tonight, there was no doubt she'd built new barriers. Fences that shot up to the skies. Walls that were impenetrable. And remain that way they would, for their sole purpose was to keep you out.

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