Sunday night, the sads. Low-key stressed about running through the anxiety gauntlet this week. I feel like I'm slamming into a metaphorical wall over and over with job-related stuff and I'm losing my mind about it. I'm getting better at pacing myself and figuring out better ways to recharge from frustration, failure, and nonsense...but it doesn't always work very well. Anyway, here's a comic that I've been thinking about this past week:

This week I have survived two job interviews (two different companies), a bajillion calls, acid reflux, anxiety fits. I'm so tired and wrung out. I just want to finish editing my fic! And finish a vid! And sleep through the night! So tired.

What has brought you joy this week? What are you reading? Watching? Hearing? Doing? What are you grateful for this week?

I'm grateful for my friend's support, for the knowledge I've gained over the last six months. Grateful for the cat who loves me unconditionally and I love her even when she's being obnoxious. Grateful for carbonated drinks, and yummy cheese, and that spring is here. I have many flowers to photograph. I'm losing my mind all over again to my Star Wars feelings and still dreaming of finishing the 10,000 words of yennskier fic I haven't written yet.

I'm so tired, but I can take a little breath for now before I have to get back to it. Maybe going to a kitten cafe this weekend. And resting my brain. Even though I really want to finish this vid for VidUKon and get my next puppetskier chapter out. So tired.

It's been the longest 3-4 months in my life since the pandemic started and I pretty much want to cry. And get a full night's sleep cycle. Everything is exhausting and it's taking so much out of me to keep up with the shit I need to do and take care of myself and my responsibilities...and then helping out where I can with friends. I'm tired of being tired and annoyed and frustrated by things that are out of my control and things that are just stupid. Which is pretty much what I've said to myself almost every day for the better part of a decade, heh. I'm grateful for the love and support I have to keep me going. But oof. I'm so fucking cranky and weary. This weekend I have spring cleaning to do, a planned hike for some urban flower photography, and I'm still editing my too-long puppetskier story. Also finally have enough of my brain again to catch up on my to-read fic tabs (incoming commentdora, y'all!). I still have so much I gotta prep for all the work I need to do for next week. Blahhh. I just want to read and roll around with the blorbos and finish some WIPs and start some more WIPs.

Alas. Just gotta take everything day by day.

🙃 please wish me luck for tomorrow, I have Yet Another Interview...I've been averaging about 2 a week for the last few weeks and I'm still only 60-75% done with this process. Not even counting all the outreach to set up other interviews in the meantime if these don't pan out. To say I am losing my mind is an understatement. I'm so tired. Trying to be kind to myself during all of this, since this is rather exciting and overwhelming and exhausting but waaughhhh, I'm ready to hibernate for a full week (if my brain would actually let me rest which remains a large problem...) My short term memory continues to be shitty. Forgetting to lock doors, turn off stove burners, I keep forgetting things folks have told me the previous day/week that I really should have remembered (lists are my friends but I keep forgetting to add things to my list). All very ADHD but really it's just... a lot of my anxiety about all this interview stuff. Wake up and it's the first thing on my mind. Last thing on my mind before I go to bed. It's taking up so much brainRAM. I have the myNoise app on my phone to help soothe ye old brainmeats in the evenings, at least. Anyway, amongst the fannish chittering in my brain that is not witcher-related: I remember reading about someone spinning Ted Lasso character's into the Star Wars universe and I could not track down the post. I can't even remember if I read it by someone on twitter, tumblr, or dreamwidth at this point. Or if I had imagined it. Does this sound familiar to anyone? hmm. Next my brain started thinking about Yellowjackets characters in the Star Wars universe and have determined that Misty Quigley would be an amazing secret pirate hunter who occasionally moonlights as a pirate. Next up: I'm almost done with the Disney era Thrawn trilogy reread (it's only taken me like two and a half months wtf) (next will be Heir to the Empire, wheeee). I'm pretty caught up with Grand Admiral Thrawn strategically instilling praise kink and loyalty in the people under his command. I also recently revisited A Black Lady Sketch Show's sketch: The Basic Ball in which I tried casting Ted Lasso characters mental illness/neuroses looks and then my brain melted out of my ears because of previously stated tired. But also my favorite Yellowjackets meow meows showing off their PTSD looks? Love. It.

I would like more brain to finish editing my Witcher wips, to start a few more wips--they're dancing in my periphery. And I'd love to have brain to paint again. To have energy for seeing friends. I'm quite sad I couldn't corral enough focus to finish my VidUKon vid in time for the deadline, but I can just try to finish it later.

Maybe soon I can reclaim some more brainRAM. Free it up from this interviewing stuff. Fingers crossed. 🤞

I survived the week despite the burnout leaving me rather crispy and fatigued. It is a dumb little horror to realize just how burnt out I've become. I mean I've known it for awhile now but I'm just annoyed because I remember feeling more good than bad. And now everything is quadruply hard. Is quadruple-y a word? It ought to be. anyway. rest, recuperate. pacing myself. My brain is likely to hiccup some more Witcher silliness. Soon. For now gotta tackle some more of my reading tabs. and then hibernate. and visit with a friend to celebrate her getting a new job. Delicious pastries and friend time. And more witcher silliness. Maybe I will work on some of my canvas WIPs that I started coloring last week. Hmmm. So tired.

the more stressed and overwhelmed i get, the more my brain melts and my silly brain filters dissolve. so here are some more random tumblr posts. A Black Lady Sketch is back with new episodes and I was watching this sketch over breakfast and losing what was left of my mind. It's a play on Verzuz rap battle, except with witches.

and here my witcher-addled brain can't help but think the Lodge of Sorceresses should totally make decisions based on who wins some rap battles based on their magical prowess and awesomeness. Yen vs Philippa? Margarita vs Keira? Then my brain was like "but what about The Locked Tomb?" can't help but think some of those Houses would dominate in a battle like this. What other magic users from various media and book fandoms should go up head to head and rap about their awesome magic skills? Crossovers welcome.