#know he can't compare to me...'
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something to be said about how kristoph's only known mentee is a loud young man who dresses flashily, is particular about music and so passionate about the truth that he forgets to take people's feelings into account sometimes and follows the thread of logic even when it's disadvantageous to his case or people he cares about/admires. and who also does vocal training. like. just admit you miss your brother and go visit him. freak.
#to be clear this post is mostly a joke but i am serious about him being a freak and missing his brother.#sorry to all the pure evil kristoph enjoyers out there but i believe he loved his brother#kristoph gavin#klavier gavin#apollo justice#something so funny about the idea that kristoph looked at apollo & went 'omg... like klavier' in the same way that phoenix looked at ema#& went 'omg... just like maya fr' in rfta. the parallels are real to ME.#tangent but i feel like kristoph generally loves in the same way regardless of what type of love it is. i.e. buried beneath lots of self#justification about how it's not love and he's really tricking & using & manipulating them for his own means#17 y/o kristoph using his first pay check to buy klavier a guitar for christmas like 'yes... i will get him this instrument that is clearly#more COMMON & INFERIOR to my violin so he wont EMBARRASS me by being uncultured & not knowing anything about music... but he will ALWAYS#know he can't compare to me...'#vs 9 y/o klavier opening his present & being like 'wow! my older brother is so generous & cool <3 i love him so much <33#they're so funny to me actually
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coming out as a firm 'oliver is a bucktommy endgame truther' believer like oh the way he speaks about them in his interviews? i just know he wants them to be long-term bad and i hope all his wishes come true
#it takes one to know one#the way he said he wants tommy to stay in buck's life and be there for him?#the way he compared the potential of bucktommy to what tarlos have?#yeah no you can't convince me he doesn't want them to be endgame#tim minear don't you ever disappoint this man#or so help me god i'll be right under your bed#bucktommy#tevan#kinley#evan buckley#tommy kinard
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I would do anything to save her.
This was supposed to just be drawing the Taoden siblings hugging a bunch but ah guess that Falin as the tower/princess/dragon post got into my head too much
#chapter sixty seven ruins me every day#but yeah i. have many thoughts#Laios feeding his hungry sister. playing with her hair. and then putting her down. Marcille compares it to sleeping#but his reaction and the fact that he spared Marcille from doing it.... it must have felt very much like tucking her in to sleep#and like what it was: suffocating her. keeping her from saying his name again. killing her.#both at once.#also just. Falin being covered with blood when she's resurrected. but when Laios kills her the only blood is his#and there's not a drop of it on her#something about Laios telling her the red in her cheeks was weird when they were kids. and keeping any of that spilling now.#yeah. when he said he'd do anything to get her back he meant ANYTHING!!!#Alt text#my art#for real tho. please send me the post if you know it so i can link it i can't find it anywhere love you tumblr search dysfunction#and if anyone else wants to go crazy with me about chapter sixty seven well!!! you know where i am!!!#dunmeshi spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers
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see the thing that gets me about the nekoma v. nohebi match is that when naoi is helping yaku on the side of the court, he tells him, "shibayama may look weak, but he's strong" to try and reassure him and yaku just goes, "i know. it's not him i'm worried about" in response
and whenever i read that i'm just like "!!!" because yaku never doubted shibayama! yaku ALWAYS believed in him, even when shibayama didn't believe in himself! yaku trusted that he would carry! what the fuck was naoi even on! why would he say that in the first place! yaku is presumably the one who spent the most time with shibayama, training him and helping him and teaching him to grow! to connect! to become part of the team! that's YAKU'S number one pupil! how could yaku not have any faith in him? how could yaku think, even for a second, that shibayama wouldn't pull through?
also, his admission that it was lev he was worried about? which, yeah, i'm pretty sure all of us already knew — if anyone was going to be a weak link, it would be the cocky overconfident first-year brat who talked hot shit without anything to show for it. (and i'm saying this as someone who loves lev a lot, mind you.)
but what worried yaku the most was that lev didn't understand 'connection'. and while yaku could more than make up for it with his own skill, it's crazy to think that lev didn't understand it while yaku, of all people, was on the court. lev didn't understand until shibayama stepped in! and that's the crazier part: yaku couldn't connect with lev, but shibayama did. yaku and lev worked fine, yeah, but that wasn't what lev needed to understand. and that's okay! sometimes all it takes is the right person with the right words, and everything falls into place. and i think that's an absolutely brilliant and incredibly lovely lesson on how connection is also about finding the different ways to make puzzle pieces fit instead of sanding down their edges, because everyone is different and that should be something we are all understanding of!!!!
#idk there's something so poetic about yaku teaching shibayama and then shibayama teaching lev#and there's something incredibly funny about yaku going “i KNOW” in naoi's face. which was well-deserved#also i think this is one of the moments that really shows the maturity of the third years compared to how baby the first years are#bc like . . . you can't dismiss yaku's opinion like that#we know he's good. we know he's talented.#praise from him HAS to be high#AND ALSO!!!!#THE WHOLE REASON LEV UNDERSTOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS BC SHIBAYAMA WASN'T YAKU#YAKU WASN'T THERE TO COVER HIS ASS AND LEV HAD TO STEP UP IN TURN#also “me and shibayama are like one yaku!!!” that's so fucking funny. are you a fucking transformer#anyways guys i love shibayama and i love lev and i love them together#yaku morisuke#haiba lev#shibayama yuuki#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta#sou says stuff
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the thing about the charming siblings is i want to make them tragic. you're perfect, I wish I was perfect. you're allowed to not be perfect. I resent you for being perfect. I hate you for being imperfect. I want to be a boy. I want to be a knight. I want to be you. I could be better than you. I wish your destiny was mine. I wish people loved me the way they love you. I wish she loved me the way she loves you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I love you. I miss when we were friends. we never talk anymore. do you even care? you know nothing about me. you took my destiny. who am I? I'm supposed to be the responsible one. don't leave me. get away from me. when did you grow out of being a little kid? i miss home. the only place that feels like home is you. do you love her? do you love me? brother. sister. i was supposed to protect you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. nothing will ever be the same again.
it's about perfection and performance. it's about playing roles. everyone has their role to play. what if i want to be something else, something more. it's about femininity and masculinity. it's about not fitting in to either. is it about who you're supposed to be or who you want to be? I did it for you. I didn't ask for that. I'd burn the world for you. you never cared about me. I think of you always. there isn't room enough for all of us. i wish you'd never been born at all. I couldn't live without you.
#the thing about dexter and darling is they have a lot of parallels#they both thought their love interests (raven and apple) liked daring#they both wish they were like daring (though in different ways)#neither of them have a confirmed destiny#but at the same time dexter gets to be a prince and do the things she wants to do#and i think Dexter is sort of jealous of her because as another prince he gets compared to daring more#Dexter resents his siblings for being seemingly perfect and he also resents darling for how she doesnt even have to be perfect#bc she doesnt get compared to daring in his eyes#darling does feel the need to be perfect though and resents that she can't live the life she wants but her brothers get that life#daring TO ME has a superiority complex to cover up his flaws bc hes severely scared of being imperfect#but at the same time he wishes he was allowed to be imperfect bc the pressure is killing him#hes relied on false bravado for so long that he doesn't know who is without that especially when he loses his destiny#so he resents darling for her effortless confidence in who she is#i think they all used to be super close and daring felt like the one who needed to protect his siblings#but they grew apart as they got older and started to resent each other and he lost that protective instinct#but they all miss when they were closer#i think daring realizes he was “supposed” be the one protecting his siblings once darling starts protecting/saving him#to darling its too late for him to protect her bc she can protect herself and doesnt want to be protected#to dexter though i think a part of him wishes daring stood up for and protected him more#they all desperately need to be flawless but its killing them#and they all desperately want to be each other#and they all just want their siblings back#but they can't go back to when they were children#and they can't understand each other as they are now#but they love each other anyways#even as they resent each other#eah#ever after high#ignore that i wrote 50 million more things in the tags#i realize this may be out of character or whatever but idc
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Guys, please, Tango doesn't consider himself a builder in the same way Michelangelo might not consider himself a painter* (see tags). You can accept you're very good at two things, and still consider yourself better at one over the other. It's not negative talk when he calls himself a redstone guy.
#tangotek#* Michelangelo was definitely good at painting but his preference was sculpture. Painting commissions were more frequent and profitable.#I don't know if this is the best example because it's difficult to parse exaggeration and fact#About historical figures in general especially artists and their personal feelings about their own art#and he definitely wouldn't have put a very strong divide between his skill sets because like.#You can see how much working and studying 3D space helped him create such life-like people in a 2D painting.#But I think Decked Out is a good example of harmony of skills too#The building part of game design and the coding part needed each other to create Decked Out 2#My point here is#That we can't ask Michaelangelo if he considers himself a sculptor or painter#Because he's dead and also may not have an actual answer himself#But we can ask Tango! And he says he's a redstoner not a builder. And that's ok :)#Dear God this entire set of tags sounds like pretentious rambling but I'm gonna post it anyway bc I hope people see past me comparing#a beloved Renaissance artist to a Block Game Guy#and take time to reflect on how an artist might interpret themselves vs how their audience sees them thru the lense of their work.
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I'll never be against an athlete choosing the job with the higher salary (hello, tons of regular people do that every day, I might do it myself one day if offered the chance) but I'll be honest, when the lesser offer is still a 7 numbers figure, I'm not going to think that that offer is a bad one.
#yes this is about fabio and deep down yes I understand his choice and no I don't think this is about just the money#of course it's also about pride (factory seat) and staying with the team he's won with and that he considers family#I get that!!!#and yes motogp riders should be paid more when you compare them with other racing series#but I think it's a little out of touch to not consider a salary in millions (besides all the brands deal) something already huge#esp when some moto2/moto3 riders have to PAY for their seat#and I don't even want to know about what's in wsbk riders' contracts#and I'm not saying this only about motorsport#the base contract for an nhl player is like 800k or something#even if he just plays 4th line/3rd pairing minutes#yes they can get injured and out of job in a snap of fingers#and I have read so many stories about former athletes going broke because they can't manage their money#(and yes sure maintaining a high lifestyle cost more and they spend more money but be real with me we're still talking millions here)
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me: hmm who to romance who to romance
me: gets to the party scene
me: wait why is everyone all ready for sex now I BARELY KNOW YOU
#bg3#ace problems#i know bg3 is all about catering to the people#infamous bear scene made that obvs#but like#i need a romance first! backstory! history!#it should take more work than this to enter a relationship with companions!#why yes i did romance fenris in da2 why do you ask#also kaidan in mass effect including no romance in me2#look i'm too ace for this shit#anyway can't get over gale talking about his ex all the time#(tho he did compare me to his cat so point in his favor)#so i'm def gonna go karlach and maybe?? halsin?#cos apparently there's poly#larian how am i supposed to decide if i wanna sleep with halsin when i've said .5 words to the man#honestly#maybe i've missed out on a bunch of companion interactions??#idk man#EDIT TAGS: OH APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HALSIN YET#okay that makes more sense now#edit again: ALSO WHY IS 'SHARING SOME WINE' AN INVITATION TO SEX#LARIAN PLEASE I'M WAY TOO ACE FOR THIS#this party is a minefield#EDIT 3 THERE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEX AT THIS POINT IN TIME
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actually sick to my stomach i love half life so much
#hl1 gameplay vs hl2 gameplay is maybe my favorite piece of storytelling in half life and its so unintentional#and is clearly just me digging too deep but i love it anyways#hl1 gameplay is so unforgiving and cruel because the game wants you to know you're some scientist with almost zero gun training#going against armed soldiers and it does not want you to forget#you have to play hl1 so differently compared to hl2 or even just a lot of fps games at the time#its a game about strategy and problem solving first and foremost#by hl2 gordon has reached the status of an old legend#a story resistance members tell in order to inspire hope and change#hl2 is so kind and forgiving combat wise compared to hl1#and i can't help but wonder if its because the narrative has shifted around gordon so much#hes not just 'some theoretical physicist' now hes humanitys savior and final hope#sorry. what was i saying. oh yeah half life is a good series and hl2 is gonna be 20 this year.#half life
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Hi, I was talking with some friends, and wanted some help double checking some 3H shenanigans and figured you'd be the best to ask. Do you know when in the game Ionius's whole wives situation got mentioned and what he did that got all the nobles to depose him? I remember something about concubines, but don't know where exactly in the game it was talked about to check and cite. Thank you very much if you're able to help!
I hope I can help then!
In Hubert and Hanneman's C support, it's more or less explained, by Hanneman that Ionius wanted to concentrate power on himself :
In your father's defense, the emperor was attempting to take power from the Seven Houses.
The emperor's reform was an attempt to concentrate power in the hands of the throne.
While Hubert presents it the other way :
He conspired with the ministers to usurp power from the emperor. And Lady Edelgard...
But both he and Hanneman later agree, in their B support, that Hubert is aware he is not very objective.
The Jp version gives a bit more insight on Hanneman's explanations, that were removed from the localised version for... well, I suppose, some reasons I still can't understand?
当時の陛下は、“七貴族”と呼ばれる 大貴族や外戚の特権を徐々に廃止し…
There's a mention of the consort kin, that is absent in the localised version.
This translation translated it as :
At that time, His Majesty was gradually abolishing the privileges of the consort kin and the ones referred to as “The Seven Aristocrats” – the great noble [families]
Ionius was thus trying to centralise power on himself, remove privileges and powers of the 7 and the consort kin.
Now, unlike some other settings, Ionius having consorts isn't that developped in Fodlan, so we don't have any clues, in canon, about what those privileges are. We can only surmise things here'n'there based on rl, I guess, as long as it doesn't contradict canon.
So, what could have been those consort kin privileges?
Let's take the Arundel example.
Anselma is wooed by Ionius, bears him a daughter, but doesn't become his official/legal/legitimate wife. She becomes his consort wife.
What is she going to do? She cannot marry someone else, Papa Arundel "lost" his daughter and cannot secure a good wedding for her (as is apparently the fate of Adrestian noblewomen?) because she's already one of Ionius's consort. Hell, given how their daughter isn't the next in line for the Imperial succession, Anselma's role is very shaky -
In Fates, we have the background concubine wars, where the goal was to have their kid become the heir (iirc?) so they would have a place by the King's side, or at least not be demoted as "extras" when the kid from another mother will become, well, king.
In Fodlan, from this line, we know the "kin" of the Imperial consorts had some "privileges" - a sort of crass way to say the Emperor gives them "stuff" so they will shut up if he "wooes" a daughter, relegates her as a baby maker and doesn't marry her, thus her "market value" drops and the resulting child is only an extra?
From the Libary, it's confirmed that :
House Arundel
Formerly a minor noble house of the Empire. As head of the house,
when Volkhard's younger sister became betrothed to Emperor Ionius IX,
Volkhard was granted the title of Lord Arundel. Having worked closely
with House Aegir, House Arundel is seen as one of the chief instigators
of the Insurrection of the Seven.
House Arundel became "important" when Anselma was wooed by Ionius and became his wife (consort wife though!).
So when Ionius wants to remove the consort kin privileges, aka giving some importance to the families of the women he "wooes", Arundel isn't super happy and spearheads the insurrection.
Now, why was that system created? Was it a way to prevent the Emperor from, say, having their cake and eating it, aka, seducing women, giving them kids and then throwing them (both?) away without strings attached? Or to make sure consort wife #7 will have a role somewhere, and her family will get a "compensation" for her loss?
Or worse, the "consort kin" privileges maybe also applied to the children of the consorts - they would have a lower rank compared to the children of the legitimate wife - but still be worth something?
The Adrestian Imperial family is sadly under utilised, so we don't a thing about what was the status of the consorts or their children (they just poof away in the game events, we never hear anything about Ionius's surviving consorts or his legitimate wife!) - but we know there used to be some sort of compensation (super dowry?) Ionius/the Emperor had to give to families of the women he screwed -
And from what the JP version of Hubert and Hanneman's support says, Ionius wanted to get rid of that.
#holdharmonysacred#sorry for the late reply#FE16#adrestia stuff#we don't even know what happened to Ionius's legitimate wife#the non consort one#was she 'died of natural causes' off screen?#was she still around by the time Edel went to the academy?#what were their relationship?#if Emperors have a consort kin system and the Vestra were supposed to look after the consorts for ages#why was this system put in place? Is it from the Willy era?#compare with Faerghus and Lambert's dad getting two sons while Lambert only had one#why the difference?#also you can't make me believe Edel doesn't have 150 cousins and 22 uncles#if Ionius had at least 10 kids maybe he too is a brother of 9 siblings?
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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i'm a horror writer at heart but i like shoujo and big feelings which is why i'm here in gothic vkei central with daisuke
#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#if i didnt like both there is no way id ever feel even the slightest bit confident in my portrayal#JDFJKJKFKJG#mad respect to dark writers there's so many ways to write him.... as long as it's not the anime dark-#i just need ppl to get that in terms of things like monster factor my dark is worse#only a lil. i keep it pg13 🌹#my dai too is just a tiny bit less morally strict (which was him lying to himself anyways) compared to canon#cause hes waaay past a lot of his moral dilemmas#he is a Thief. he is going to Steal#not wantonly not at all for greed but if the want in his hands or the need in his heart starts to outweigh his conscience he can't resist!!#he would be 'pure' he would be completely innocent -IF- he wasn't stained by dark. by his own thievery.#but hes NOT free or clean of that so hes perpetually a criminal. a huge one at that ohrkgfjkhj#there's nothing for dai but acceptance and a fall as the cherub!!! everybody knows the story of lucifer while everyone else#demonizes satan and it's the exact same with dark and daisuke.... in the end it's inevitable inescapable daisuke becomes dark#kajdflkfdj well anyways. brain mush. sleep time#jetlag is killing me hope a weird sleep sched doesnt fuck me up too much <- always gets fucked up by weird slep scheds
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.
But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).
And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like
Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?
I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.
Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.
And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly#not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries#will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death#surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs#contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position#everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying#esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death#the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally#on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life#and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms#so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did#he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim#also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse#it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help#isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse#and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out#idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement#or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement#anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause#rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do#and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death
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i think your hat post is really cool and interesting but susan’s hat is a cat and i will die on this hill
this is true!!! when i was talking about the modern human hats not resembling animals i meant all of these ones
(excluding the minerva-bots and finn of course)
#wait. wait. i just thought something#finn wearing his bear hat -> bc it makes him feel connected to the humans#and martin & the hiders (that old woman with the tiger at least) not wearing hats bc they don't feel that personal connection w/ the island#ok this is so obvious but i just think comparing and contrasting finn and martin is so interesting#but i don't think martin really was a hider. i don't think he felt particularly connected to any ideology or viewpoint in particular#he's a floater#yk#martin is so interesting#i dont like the amnesia theory or whatever (that martin also lost his memory in some capacity)#like to me its just that. he was able to commit enough to start a family but not committed enough to go back to them#after being seperated & having freedom#& he just super duper avoids thinking about it bc it makes him feel guilty. but not guilty enough to do anything about it#like when he said he doesn't like thinking about minerva cause it stresses him out that doesn't come across as 'can't remember'#it very much comes across as 'nah im not gonna expend energy into thinking about something emotionally difficult'#like if he actually tried to be a dad to finn he'd have to face all the time he spent not looking for him. instd of just avoiding it all#like where's the fun in making him less Complicated. you know?#whenever finn is in the vicinity martin's always tryna get out of there as fast as possible 😭#i guess that could also just be seen as him trying to avoid the consequences of his actions (like when he's worried finns gonna try to rip#his arm off lmao) but i personally interpret it all as a guilt thing too#none of this is related to the ask but yea 🫣
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reading no. 6 and i wanna limit the number of times i'm gonna be insufferable about it but god. this is what little mushroom could've been
#can't help but compare them bc lm is the last dystopian work i read and it drove me crazy (negative)#disclaimer i only read the first volume so idk if the mushroom was radicalized at the end#but my problem was the love interest. he blew up a whole city. with people in it#unless the author pulled a big plot twist in the second volume i don't know how you can come back from that
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