#kingdom.chronicles
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smile for the camera ;
sohee was a little disappointed to know that her hair wasn’t changing for their debut. her black hair was nice (and incredibly healthy, mind you) but she was hoping to at least get a cool colour. though it seemed obvious that they weren’t getting experimental with colours just yet as the lightest any girl got was a shade of brown. the black hair in the end suited sohee more than brown hair. maybe it was meant to give her a darker look.
besides she liked her long hair. so it wasn’t a bad thing. it would pop up nicely against the white background they were being given for the photoshoot. this was more her element. sohee felt brighter. after doing so many choreographies she really needed a break. the photoshoot was perfect.
“i really missed modelling,” she says with a smile, watching others take their photos before them. “honestly it’s so relaxing to me now that it’s been a while since i left my mother’s agency. this is really my thing.” there’s no way she can really excel at modelling because at the end of the day, all of them were getting pretty pictures no matter what. but it was nice to not worry about sucking. this was something she could do in her sleep. “are you excited?” she asked with a smile, her fingers playing with vanessa’s still-brown hair. “or did you wish they changed your hair too?”
@rkness
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self care ;
it’s a few days into the month and sohee is fucking sick. her voice is mostly scratchy and she can barely speak above a whisper. the girls had been catching on with how she’s worn her face mask every day and just progressively got worse as time went on. still, she refuses to take a sick day. this month seemed like the worst month to get sick -- especially when they added another girl who had just got boarded onto the company.
sohee wasn’t a mean person but she was getting real tired of last minute competition.
the stress was wearing her body down easily. on top of that, she was in a group with vanessa (awkward) and they had harmonising high notes (lovely) at certain points of the song. so not only does she have to practise with ness, but she can’t even do that because she’s too sick to. in her stubbornness, sohee refuses to admit defeat.
“i’ll try my best today,” she tells vanessa with the best of her ability. she’s quiet but the face mask muffles her farther. you have to listen closely to hear sohee’s words. her voice is hoarse. “it’s getting harder to sing lately.”
@rkness
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toy box ;
APRIL 11TH - filming
filming for a music video had been a lot more complicated than sohee expected. it was nothing like the you got nerve music video. they had only done a few quick scenes. this was an entire video -- their video -- from start to finish. they got breaks when another girl was filming. and it’s not like they had days to film this. they had a single day to do it. so if it meant staying after 7pm, sohee was sure they’d keep them just to get the shot they wanted.
today they were doing “box scenes”. sohee wasn’t sure what they meant by that upon her arrival. even the explanation of “being inside a literal box” didn’t really connect with her until they were shown the set. the girls had no idea what the final product was going to look like. sohee kind of assumed they were doing box scenes like ariana grande’s focus came out to be. but instead of it being tasteful silhouettes, it turned out to be them straight up in the box with their limbs strewn about.
sohee watched the first girl with mild interest. “that seems to be uncomfortable,” she noted, eyeing the way her legs were bent at the knee to fit into the box. “especially if you’re taller. i’ve never been happier that i’m shorter.”
@rkness
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whoever you are ;
the new royal building was pretty nice. the cafeteria was spacious. sohee felt a little envious being here in comparison to trc. it was only because of the newness but she kind of preferred this cafeteria to theirs. although in the grand scheme of things, how much did it really matter? not that much, sohee tells herself if only to feel better. she wasn’t jealous. this was just a really cool experience. she doubts trc would ever do something like this.
she went to go grab her tray to get some food. chopsticks and forks were available as well as soup spoons. sohee didn’t know what she was going to eat yet though. she knows she was getting rice so chopsticks were a must. she saw grilled chicken on one of the menus, she swears. so maybe she’d eat some chicken today. that would mean she needed a knife.
when she had first walked over to the utensils section the cafe was mostly empty. sohee didn’t feel the urgency to grab everything and walk away. she took her time, unaware of anyone coming behind her who could possibly want or need to grab something as well.
@rkseungjoon
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step it up ;
“ah...” sohee pouted at her reflection in the mirror. she wasn’t accustomed to dressing like this. it wasn’t her style in particular (she was more high fashion than super casual street fashion like this). her midriff was exposed but it wasn’t like it showed the abs that she had finally gotten from the gym workouts. it seemed like a waste but she knows the modesty was for the sake of the promotional video. the outfit wasn’t terrible (thankfully) so sohee didn’t have many negative comments about it.
she turned to yubin, who was looking good in her own outfit for the choreography video. “unnie look i got pigtails!” sohee says with a bright smile. her fingers wrap around both tied locks of hair and swings it about to prove her point. “i wish the shirt fit a but differently but i like this outfit. i just don’t wear stuff like this a lot.” she was mostly musing out loud but yubin’s opinion would be beneficial for her in return. she wasn’t the type to dress like this ever. she hoped it wasn’t obvious that she was out of her element.
“are you excited? are you ready? it’s the first official filming!” although it wasn’t for their music video itself, it was for their teaser. that was just as good because this content was being released sooner. “it seems to be happening all at once.”
@yubinrk
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if you will ;
moving. for some reason she never processed the fact that she would have to give up her really nice apartment and move in to dorms. she had to start giving stuff away, selling it or straight up putting it in storage. her grandmother offered to keep a bunch of her stuff in her old childhood room. so a lot of her personal effects that mattered more to her than her coffee table, she would end up keeping. and her clothes. there was no way sohee was ever parting with a special edition 2009 gucci dress among other things. her more pricier clothing was to stay back. she would bring her more-normal clothes with her to the dorm.
then came dorm assignments. they were allowed to pick their roommates which came as another surprise to sohee. while she was friends with everyone in the group, there was only one person she really wanted to dorm with. the one person who, out of all the girls, she wouldn’t mind spending every night and morning with. though she knows they won’t be sharing beds (or she hopes, at least),
she’s going over her itinerary: things still left over to be packed, which is going to storage or her grandmothers house or to be sold. maybe this would be easier to organise if she knew officially who her dorm mate was going to be. so she steals a few glances over at vanessa, a little nervous. their relationship has definitely improved since the lineup was announced. they were no longer officially pitted against each other for a spot. but would vanessa want to be her dorm mate is the question.
“hey, uh, unnie?” sohee calls timidly, tucking her hair behind her ear. her teeth rake across her bottom lip nervously. “can you come here for a second? i need to ask you something important.”
@rkness
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first things first ;
from the packet they received with rough line distributions, sohee noticed immediately that she and vanessa were competing for the same lines. whomever between the two of them did better in certain places would end up with that part. it made her feel nervous because once again, she and ness were pitted up against one another in some way. although that’s to be expected, of course, when they’re both main vocalists.
on the flip side she noticed that she and doyeon had a lot of complimentary parts. doyeon’s potential lines were either right before or right after sohee’s or they overlapped in a way. it got sohee thinking that maybe practising with doyeon would establish this rhythm so they’d have a good flow. of course sohee knew she wasn’t going to get every single line listed but there were a few that she hoped she did get.
“hey doyeonnie!” sohee greets with a smile. she’s been a bit chipper since the news dropped and it didn’t seem like a fake out. she really was in the group and despite the jab at her dancing still, sohee had a spot. there was nothing more that hayoon could do to break her spirits. since then sohee has felt lighter and happier. it’s definitely shown on her face and how she carries herself. “want to practise the song together? i saw that we have a lot of parts right after one another so maybe it’ll give us a good flow before we officially record!”
@rkdoyexn
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sick day ;
it’s been awfully chilly lately. though the sun is out, sohee can’t feel its warmth. it makes her a little sad how the chill seems to seep into her bones. it lingers that way, settles and stays until she crosses the threshold of the trc building. then its heaters warm her from the inside and she feels good again.
one morning that doesn’t happen. she still feels that deep chill long after she’s been in the building. it lingers with her all day. when she starts to train, the chill turns into heat and into fatigue. her muscles ache. the next morning it gets worse but its now accompanies by headaches. her body is aching and feels weak but she can’t stop. it’s the beginning of the month. the cycle has started anew.
a couple of days after this has started sohee comes to training with a face mask on. she knows she’s sick but she also knows she can’t afford to take sick days. especially not when she was getting reamed by hayoon for not improving. staying home won’t help her improve by any means.
stressing over it doesn’t help her health improve. she waddles into the building slowly. she’s taking her time. walking any faster wears her and she needs to conserve any energy she could. anyone with two eyes could see how sickly she seems. it was like the light that was ahn sohee was turned down until it was dim. sohee just didn’t have the cheeriness about her now. she was dull and stressed. she just didn’t have the energy anymore.
@rkdoyexn
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natural selection ;
the trc girl group evaluations were winding down to an end. this meant that very soon they were going to know who was in the final lineup for the group. sohee still wasn’t a confirmed member and with the way her evaluations had gone so negatively, she’s more confident that she isn’t going to make it as a member of the group. for now, sohee needed to execute some damage control.
she invites doyeon out to eat. so after practise lets out sunday, they drive to a nice restaurant. it’s cozy and sohee knows they offer the best rice dumplings here. it was nice to treat themselves. they’ve suffered through a lot these last few months. it was almost over. beside the owner’s son knew sohee from when she used to work as a hostess then waiter at a different location. he was kind enough to give them a more private area.
“i wanted to talk about something serious,” sohee said with a slight frown on her face. she took a sip of the kimchi soondubu jjigae she ordered. it was spicy and warm. it heated her body up immediately. “it’s about the new girl group. i know things have been difficult and i’m proud you were confirmed...” sohee was sure to put it out there first because she doesn’t want doyeon thinking she’s bitter or jealous. “i just...you know-- no matter what, always be proud of yourself for making it and ensuring your spot, okay? no matter what happens.”
@rkdoyexn
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teddy bear ;
admittedly, there wasn’t much left to do in the dorm once the girls all got home. someone started cooking, some went off to their rooms and some to watch television but there wasn’t much to do. it was a little weird because they weren’t forced to stay in their dorms but it did feel awkward just to walk out whenever. so she was intent on entertaining herself.
leaving her room, she ventured across the dorm to doyeon and joy’s shared room. she didn’t have a set target for now. she’d settle on whomever happened to be in the room at the time. when she knocks and pushes open the door, her eyes set on joy.
she lets out a long, dramatic groan, crawling onto the bed on top of joy. “i’m dying of boredom! please entertain me. you love me right?” she asks, adjusting herself so she was laying on joy comfortably. “please entertain me. it’s your duty or else i will die.” aside from the fact that she wanted to be entertained, being cuddled worked just as well to keep her mind busy.
@rkjxy
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♔ K.ARMA DEBUT PROJECT
♕ Month: March
♘ Performance: Dose - Ciara
the announcement of a dance being used to showcase the new lineup for k.arma struck fear in sohee’s heart. she had been trying to get better with her dancing. she had worked with instructors and taken special workshops. she wasn’t as hopeless as she once was but she was terrified that she’d mess up and get more people saying she sucks at dancing and doesn’t deserve to debut.
she’s not as bad as she was previously but she knows she’s not on par with k.arma’s dance line. she probably never will be which means she’s always going to get those critiques. sohee can spend the rest of her career wishing she’d be as good as joy, sana or doyeon but the reality was that she just wasn’t a dancer like they were. not hopeless but nothing to be praised for amazing dance ability. she knows this.
of course sohee wasn’t given enough time to properly recover. they were also shown their new choreography for their debut song and the second single on the ep. which meant sohee, a non-dancer, was learning 3 choreographies simultaneously. this was her worst nightmare come true. she was certain that they would boot her from the group for failing even something as simple as a promotional video.
thankfully while learning formations, it was clear that sohee was to not get the spotlight as much. she was hoping to stay in the back of formations the whole time to maybe cover up what hayoon spent four months saying she lacked. however she was given centre at the very end for only a couple of seconds. thankfully it wasn’t for a part of the dance that required skillful foot movements. it was more of a pretty-girl moment which suited sohee just fine. though a part of her wishes she could do the cool parts in the song like dance line does she knows it’s probably for the best that she doesn’t stay in the spotlight for very long if at all.
a part of her hopes that this is the last dancing focused thing they do because she’s not much of a dancer and it wouldn’t build a positive image for herself before debut. she knows she’s lacking in comparison to the rest so she’s going to be in the back for anything like this. sohee wants just one instance where she could be able to show her talents. she knows it’s a little selfish of her but she wanted a chance to build fan hype for herself as well. no one is going to want to stan the pretty girl who can’t dance as well as the rest. everyone would think she was just a pretty face and just write her off. (she’s terrified of that happening.)
sohee knows that for now, she has to suck it up. she can’t spend any of it complaining about the choreographies they’re learning. it’s their debut. people would literally kill to be at this moment right now. she should be thankful. every time she feels herself getting frustrated during dance practise, she reminsd herself of this. it’s for k.arma. it’s for her debut. it’s for her group and her company. she cannot let herself get stuck in her own head. she needs to put her best foot forward and hope for a group teaser that is more up her alley.
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hey mister dj ;
she was a soft and gentle soul; one of those people who don’t notice all the illusions of special performances such as this. she thinks it’s really cool that chanyeol was going to be the dj. and yujin, the poor girl, had no idea that chanyeol actually wasn’t djing for the event.
she approaches the male while he’s up in his “booth” area for the performance. she tip toes to be able to look over the turn tables. “this is so cool!” she tells him with a grin. she doesn’t know what all the knobs and dials do or how djs are even able to manipulate the songs as they do.
“i think it’s really cool. how long have you been djing?” she asked earnestly. “are you freestyling for the performance or is there like a formula you actually have to do?”
@rkpcy
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♔ TRC/G DEBUT PROJECT
♕ Month: November
♘ Song: Paradise Lost - Gain
♙ Skills: dancing/singing
this time, sohee felt like it was worth it to step out of her comfort zone completely. she felt like she’s done more than enough showing she’s capable of singing and dancing (why have they ignored her marry the night performance entirely?) but now she wanted to show that she can do a non-flowery concept as well.
sohee is well aware that she’s soft looking and that she herself isn’t inclined to do concepts that were dark and sexy. outliers like something and the one time she actually did a section of paradise lost for a previous evaluation. sohee was shy and too self conscious mostly to do something sexy unless she absolutely has to.
she was getting more and more used to breaking up the four hours of dance classes to be able to practise all of the choreographies she needed to. it was exhausting to go from one dance, a break to another but it’s what needed to be done. the weekends were dedicated to just doing calm dance lessons; stretching and making herself more limber for the choreographies.
sohee was the type to be different while she performs versus when she’s “off stage”. this was especially true for paradise lost. it took her a while to even grow comfortable with the dance itself. she gets a little flustered when having to “be sexy”. it just wasn’t in her nature. but when she got used to it, she did it well; or, at least, she liked to think so.
she liked how different this dance was compared to other solo artists. the dance was sexy but in a completely different way. it seemed forbidden, almost. that was the concept: the garden of eden. the paradise lost. it was a cool concept and sohee actually found herself having fun when practising.
there was some small fright knowing she had to perform in front of others. it always happened but when doing a more sexy performance it seemed a little stronger. before actively dancing, she had to steel herself as the music cued in. once she got into the rhythm of the song, her nerves would be gone and sohee would be determined to do her damn best while performing.
she willed herself not to blush whenever she spread her legs for the chorus dance or how she knows her body (mainly her legs) are accentuated by the dance itself. she actually really enjoys the dance break part of the song. it was the first part of the choreography she had learned while she was practising. maybe because it just looked impressive or something. sohee really enjoyed it.
when the dance part passed and the end of the song neared, sohee took to doing the higher adlibs in the background that gain usually didn’t sing while performing live. sohee also had chosen not to do the censored version of the dance because it was boring. there was a large difference between the dances considering a lot had to be edited. but, in a way, sohee felt like doing the un-censored dance version made her feel more fierce and confident. so when she did those adlibs in the end, she was confident and fierce.
all she had left was to hope that this time, because she really did put an effort in this month’s performances, that she’d be acknowledged for her growth instead. it didn’t seem likely but ahn sohee was annoyingly optimistic.
#(( she looks like shes in the garden of eden in these gifs ok its on brand#solo#trcg:noveval#kingdom.chronicles#word count; 572
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tongue twister ;
sohee was considered “small” (read: smol) for a number of reasons. she wasn’t that tall; she’s barely considered 5′4. taller than a considerable amount of females around the trc company but still dwarfed by every single guy she knew. she was slender: skinny arms. she had soft round cheeks, and judging by her personality, sohee would never hurt a fly.
so every single time she entered the gym, she stuck out.
she was always dressed daintily. never dressed up but still soft looking. fragile, almost. as if any trainee doing bench presses could snap her in half. honestly, they probably could. even the female trainees showed some promise when working out. sohee, on the other hand, mostly took to cardio and abdominal work outs and maybe considered the weights every now and then. the trc gym was just intimidating to a small (smol) girl like her. two and a half years later, she’s gotten over her initial trepidation when it was gym time.
today was the day she decided to do weights. many of the guys gravitate to this section of the gym to get more defined arms. so when tiny sohee in her instagram athleisure-looking gym clothes walks into the area, she feels like everyone is just staring at her. quite possibly judging her. they’re probably wondering what a girl like her could even lift. answer: barely 12 kilograms. ignoring all of the invasive thoughts telling her she shouldn’t be there, she walked to the area where people could grab dumbbells and weights. someone else was still gathering theirs. she didn’t get a chance to catch their face in the mirror.
“e-excuse me!” she says bravely to the taller, broader trainee in front of her. her cheeks flush red. sohee fights the shyness bubbling in attempts to make her shrink back. “can you pass me the 10 kilogram weights please?”
@rkpcy
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♔ TRC/G DEBUT PROJECT
♕ Month: October 2018
♘ Song: Don’t Touch Me - Ailee
♙ Throwback Stage: FIRST PERFORMANCE ; ACHIEVEMENTS ; POINTS
she hasn’t performed this song since the very beginning. that was over two and a half years ago. it wasn’t her first choice. for a second she was really considering a high note heavy song just to show hayoon (and tiger jk) that her singing capabilities aren’t a fluke. they aren’t just a lucky thing. this was years (over ten) of practise and training that she’s been honing and strengthening. she was a singer. she wanted them to know this.
when she thought about it, sohee figured that maybe an intensive song wasn’t the way to go. she already has a lot of high notes and adlibs in their performances this month. she was showing her capabilities. her solo performance was her chance to show how strong she was on her own. and, when sohee really thought about it, her vocal chords were going to be shot if she took on an even more intensive song for her performance.
don’t touch me was a good song for her to show improvement. now, she’s not expecting hayoon to know the song she auditioned with nor is she expecting tiger jk to remember. but it’s the best indicator that sohee herself would be able to have to know of her own improvement. doing a song she first did two years ago seemed like a great idea. so, sohee set out with it.
this time, sohee was doing the entire song instead of just a minute and thirty second snippet. this meant she was doing the dance (the very calm one that it was, thank god) plus all of the ad libs. which, worked in her favour as they were pretty impressive while not being overwhelming when thinking of all of the songs she was doing this month.
it was a different experience this time around. having to learn the choreography plus the rest of the song was a lot harder than learning the bridge of the song and the chorus. she wished she could dress up like ailee for the performance too but on second thought, she felt like it would have been too much. it’s not like they need to know she still has her expensive clothes from modelling anyways. she simply settled on a nicer outfit for training (a fitted, cropped long sleeve top and oversized sweats that were dressed up with heels for her performance!).
though she will say that it was nicer to sing in lower tones. a song like this required deeper tones -- sohee found it a nice way to showcase her range and that she was capable of doing lower notes as well as high ones. though obviously, sohee’s specialty were high notes. not that she’d be able to be ariana grande in the girl group or anything, but it’d be nice to get some backing vocals that would be similar.
sohee made an effort to edit the audio of the song so at the end when she sang she could focus on the ad libs. it sounded nicer that way then just singing the adlibs anyways with no forefront vocals on the track (to her, anyways). she figures it’ll do her some good during the performance.
when she performs, she does take the liberty of putting more effort in the choreography. not too much, as it would disrupt her singing but a little more than ailee was shown to in her performances. just enough to show that she could make a solo song eye catching. it was also a song that she could have fun to and show that she was charismatic enough to make a stage fun for herself.
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have faith ;
“you two are the only ones we could consider debut ready.”
the words ring into the air. although hayoon keeps talking, those words kept screaming in her head. ringing, repeating, sinking into her brain. sohee processed the words quickly. her eyes, now watery, dart to look over at joy, whom got signed early the same year sohee did. did those 8 months make that much of a difference between them? did her near three years in the company mean nothing? she felt choked up. her eyes return to hayoon in attempts to feign that she was focusing.
she wasn’t.
she felt like such a failure. mediocre. her mom’s words rang loudly in her head. “tilly, my love, you won’t be able to make it as an idol. you’re just a pretty face to them. you can’t really expect them to make an exception because you can sing a few songs well, huh?” she was shaking. she thought she was making progress -- she felt like she really was. she thought the december evaluations was a turning point. for her to be a part of a special stage of singers. she thought that meant she was actually getting noticed.
“you’d pale in comparison to the other, actual singers tilly. just stay modelling. it’s safer.”
she didn’t flip the page when they were instructed to. it was like she was frozen, unable to zone back into reality. sohee exhaled. the tears were built up in her eyes. she turned to look at vanessa at her side. she felt like things were a little surreal. like this wasn’t happening. this wasn’t good.
she grabbed ness’s hand and squeezed. she needed to be grounded. feeling the other’s warm palm helped put things where they needed to be. it didn’t ease the ache in her chest but it helped her from feeling like things were too real and not real enough at the same time. she still couldn’t breathe though. she was spacey. hayoon’s words were lost on the girl who stood there stone cold like a statue save for squeezing her friend’s hand to make sure she wouldn’t faint.
@rkness
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