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#just end me now? i can’t handle this
sweetvillainjude · 2 months
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it's the way cardan could ALWAYS tell jude and taryn apart and the only time he didn't was when he was poisoned and confused plus taryn was wearing enchanted earrings to make her more beautiful, because to him jude was always the most beautiful, so in his drugged state he assumed it was her..
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itspileofgoodthings · 11 months
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#but actually can you guys say a prayer about teaching for me?#I know it’s mostly because it’s the end of the year#but a lot of stuff is just forcing its way to the surface#and basically it’s just me struggling with my natural strengths as a teacher and the boundaries of appropriateness that are necessary#to maintain it#like first of all. the beast that is my anxiety compounds everything and makes it so scary and terrible#secondly I thought I had. Like. A total handle on all of it#Teaching and boundaries I mean#and of course I do not#and part of it is that the anxiety that always kept me within the right lines is just shifting and changing#and I’m just distanced from some of the stuff that used to keep me grounded#like my family right now!#the new adulthood is adulting!#anyway like. I am not doing anything inappropriate or close to it (sounds like I am when I deny it lol)#but I am aware in a new and newly exhausted way of the absolute dangers#of being the kind of teacher who uses all of my personality etc. to wake kids up#And make them respond#but then still have to want to need to keep certain boundaries up#And I’m trying to figure it out but of course I CAN’t Do it perfectly#and then it’s so hard when your personal life is so hard and you’ve just gone through so much change in such a fast period of time#And it just feels like everything is spinning#and your heart aches and you’re tired and you just feel like you’re right at the center of all this emotional chaos#and all these people who wanna pull you off course and get you to cross certain lines#and some of the lines are just weird and arbitrary boundaries you put up to protect yourself when you started teaching at 23#Because you HAD to#So you can take some of them down and it’s fine but then there are some boundaries you know you need to keep up#And it’s more subtle than the black and white stuff re: appropriateness#Just the stuff that protects you and makes it easier to be the kind of teacher and influence that you want to be#and just trying to figure it all out while you’re exhausted and it’s the end of the school year#it’s just a LOT. A lot a lot
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boag · 5 months
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I’m so depressed about everything rn . Being sick has ruined my sleep schedule again so I slept through most of the day and now I just feel so devastatingly alone for whatever reason . Brb watching Eraserhead
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arthur-r · 2 months
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something’s just not right / there’s hunger in my eyes, but you’re not looking into mine / in the morning light / i wake up next to you, but we’re no longer entwined / i want to love you with a ravenous hunger, tear your flesh into mine / you say you like me, but you’d rather that i listen quiet, keep it all inside / i romanticize a lust for blood and the glint of evil in your eyes / any kind of sign, something to tell me that your heart is burning just like mine / rend me to pieces if that’s what it takes to tell me that i taste divine / there’s something wrong but i just can’t quite place it, leave me on the precipice, i’m fine / something awakening and stirring inside me / i’m gearing up, your pretense in decline / i slice my heart up on a platter and find that you don’t even wanna dine / i gave my soul up, you can eat me raw / diced up and vulnerable, i’m yours to try / you’re glancing to the side, bored, and find that you don’t even wanna dine!!!!
#round 2 of recording my loser boring cannibalism song#(it has more words now. it is still not a complete song but it is getting somewhere….)#basically i really like cannibalism as a literary device and devouring somebody and being like violently enamored#and i convinced myself that my relationship was really good and healthy and i just don’t know how to handle a Good Normal Relationship#but secretly loving somebody should be at least a LITTLE BIT like cannibalism. especially if you’re me#so i got really hungry and he didn’t ever lift a finger for me or smile in my direction#and i wish he would just be hungry for me back. kill me a little bit if it would mean you care#i just thought that Normal People should be Normal about each other and he was just being Normal about me#when he like. did not prioritize me ever. and was only affectionate when he was drunk 🫠#he does NOT deserve to be the one who ended the relationship!!!!#anyway i would rather he eat me alive than not even look at me. and that’s what this song is about#and i’m gonna raise my standards so much fucking higher. he should be fucking hungry for me actually#literally and figuratively shdhdf i was always the one to invite him to dinner too.#and he was SHIT at communion motif. that guy had awful fucking table manners why did i date him#anyway shdhdf. idk here is round two of my hungry song#i’ve already changed the lyrics a little since recording this a couple mornings ago but it’s FINE my roommate is in here so can’t re-record#but: there’s something wrong but i’m not ready to face it. actually. cause it was so fucking obvious i was just willfully ignorant#anyways!! i’m feeling a little weird today and i haven’t done anything and i want to play music but i can’t. so i’m posting a song instead#and later i might be going to a concert?? we’ll see. if i’m feeling better physically by then!!#anyway i hope everybody is doing okay and lmk if you need anything!! sincerely arthur#me. my post. mine.#delete later (probably)#music
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un-pearable · 11 months
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‘this is the best day of my life!’ 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
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areyouwho-ithinkyouare · 11 months
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me internally when i’m trying to respect and recognise that my dad has unaddressed autism that impacts the way he handles social interractions while also trying to not just excuse the shitty insensitive behaviour that has absolutely contributed to my mental health issues
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#it’s like. haha yeah he handled that situation terribly but remember it wasn’t intentional and he doesn’t understand how that came across!!#i can’t be mad at him i can’t take it personally and get upset haha. hahaha.#and also it’s like. being autistic isn’t an excuse to be a dick. being autistic doesn’t mean you have to like. emotionally damage ur kid ✌🏻#which i AM. growing up with him has fucked me up!!! and i’m allowed to be mad at that i’m allowed to be upset!!!!!!!!#but also oh god is that shitty of ME??? is that insensitive???? do i need to just be more empathetic and understanding#but ALSO also. when ur a kid that shit doesn’t matter. when ur a kid and ur dad is making you cry that doesn’t matter.#and those years of damage stick with you even when ur older and trying to be mature and understanding#literally this evening started with me trying to do something nice for him. trying to give him a gift. actually literally giving him a gift.#and it has ended with me feeling fucking….. shit.#and disrespected. and useless.#i try so fucking hard with this man and with our relationship and every fucking time i try to connect with him he throws it back in my face#like. hey! you’ve been saying how much you want to play gran turismo 7!!! i will loan you my PS5 for a while bcus i’m not playing anything#and i will BUY YOU the fucking car game for you to play it while me and my mum are away on our girlie beach holiday#like i will happily and enthusiastically do those things for you because you have been so vocal about wanting to play this game!!!#so it will make you happy right? it will be something positive for you to enjoy!!! right?!!!????#i will bring my console down to the family tv room for you and i will send you the money so you can buy the game!!!!#oh. oh you’ve clicked around the main playstation menu for 2mins and then turned it off to watch the news. and then just open ur laptop.#not even gonna buy the game huh. just gonna open ur laptop and zone out and act line i’m not even in the room. oh ok. ok ok.#not even a fucking thank you. not even a HINT of recognition. ok ok. ok. ok. now you’re literally ignoring me when i talk to you. ok. ok.#and like!!!! i know this seems so dumb and minor and insignificant but you have to understand. it has been 25 years of this shit.#25 years of me trying to make this man happy and 25 years of him rejecting all of those attempts.#and 25 years of……. a lot of other shit also.
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Speaking about movies, Che’nya, have you ever watched ‘Goosebumps’? Yknow, the Comedy horror movie based on the children’s book series? If you haven’t yet then I absolutely recommend it, it’s one of the best Halloween movies ever made
I have not seen it!
But then again, despite being a [REDACTED], I can be a surprisingly scaredy cat at times.
In other words… I am not purrticularly fond of horror movies. 🫣
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pois0ncandy · 1 year
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to everyone here 25+ how do you do it? how do you live? and continue living? how do you handle it? going to work, daily hygiene, eating, proper health practices, social interaction, going outside, maintaining relationships. how do you do it?! how do you live?!? please tell me i can’t figure it out and i’m going insane. someone please just tell me what to do.
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boltgunkiller-archive · 4 months
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saw brittana s2 era being related to are we still friends by tyler the creator
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#juno speaks#oh my goddd…#“are we still friends? can we be friends?”#when you apply the locker scene where santana says britt staring at her is causing her to forget her locker combo… ohh#because britt literally says “did i do something wrong are you mad at me. i miss being close” (not a direct quote but that’s essentially#what she said) and like. my god. because during the s2 era they heavily drifted due to santana’s confession. it wasn’t the confession itself#that drove them apart#more so santana’s own decision to distance herself due to her fear of rejection and#since she got rejected#her subsequent bitter behavior to deflect from what happened and the embarrassment and shame she felt not Only bc she admitted to liking#girls. Liking BRITTANY. but also bc she didn’t even get what she wanted in the end and now people may know and now BRITT knows so she can’t#just go back to being normal and she’s stressed and hurt and upset and she just doesn’t wanna talk to anyone#she just wants to be straight and normal and she wants things to be normal but she can’t handle the idea of facing brittany at all so she#just drifts away from her so brittany desperately tries to fix things and become santana’s best friend again#they’re a two shot they’re best friends they need each other they went from inseparable to not even speaking outside of maybe glee club#it’s got an effect on the both of them and brittany wants to fix whatever happened and go back to being close but santana won’t even tell#her what’s wrong so she has to figure it out for herself (“can we be friends?”)#the song essentially repeats those two lines a lot but they can be applied to more than just that locker scene too#you could apply them to santana denying dancing w brittany/wearing the lebanese shirt because she’s denying brittany’s attempt to not only#fix their relationship but also help santana accept herself. she can’t accept that and all brittany wants is for them to be friends but#in that moment it seems as if santana won’t even accept that they ARE friends#and then in 2x19 she doesn’t accept that well now that artie isn’t in the picture they COULD be more than that (“don’t say goodbye” lowkey)#like santana’s just so closed off it seems like they’re not friends and they can’t even be that and they could never be more either#auuvuh… does this even make sense… losing my mind#gleeposting
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pepsimaxolotl · 9 months
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Even though I know I’m making the right choice deferring next year to try uni again later, god I do I feel fucking awful about it and I’m dreading every moment going forward
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avatardoggo · 2 years
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#so my best friend died this morning and i’m not handling it well i’ve cried 5 times today and i was balling my eyes out in the shower and im#scared to sleep bc ik i’ll have nightmares. and it doesn’t seem real like she’s not dead she can’t be and i didn’t find out first hand her#sister told one of our friends and she texted me and i thought i was hallucinating bc wtfreak and now i feel like crap bc i kept thinking of#her towards the end of august like should i visit her just to tell her how i feel in person and then just leave? but i was scared and worrie#about her rejecting me to my face and now she’s gone and i feel like i didn’t try hard enough to save our friendship and ya she’s in heaven#but she’s not here and and we like all the same things so when i think about the pjo live action or the new solangelo book or atlab or freak#ing anything it just connects to her bc now she won’t be able to see those things like we were so excited to geek out together and now i can#t bc she’s gone and even if she were here she wouldn’t want to be with me and i have school and i want to do well but i can’t focus but i do#nt want to use her death as an excuse and i hate myself bc part of me was her and her favorite color was pink and it became mine too bc it r#reminded me of her and i stopped being her best friend but she never stopped being mine even when she was ignoring me and i was angry at ber#i still loved her and she was the first irl person i told about my SAD and OCD and now she’s gone and my best friend is dead#and she was one of the few people that Knew me yk? like she just got me and i got her and she ignored me and now she’s dead#so ya i’m not ok so if y’all could pray for me that’d be great <3#vk overshares in the tags
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sun-lit-goth · 7 months
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Oh nooo confrontation 🤮 honest opinionsss 🤢
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twinkodium · 7 months
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I hate when my brain goes into full depression mood and bringing up my biggest fears….
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floral-hex · 8 months
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Denim jacket came in the other day. It’s a hefty boy. Heavy heavy. Sleeves are kind of long, but I have nefarious plans for them, so it should work out. Stocked up on supplies. Big bucket. Big bleach. Armful of fabric dyes in varying shades of black and yellow. It’s been in the 100°s here, and I already sweat like a swamp beast. Strictly fall & winter wear. Plenty of time to make something garish and gauche. It’s a good distraction. My life is falling apart. I need good distractions.
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acidbathcat · 1 year
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i haven’t had one of these episodes i think since i got medicated and treated so it’s kind of uncomfortable. i mean depression and anxiety i can deal with now because i’ve built up a sort of framework for myself to keep myself moving even if those feelings start to creep in. but this is something i can’t #positivity away i mean i can’t even name it and it’s probably even just part of me but it’s weird to go through it alone with no words or recognition and now as someone who’s pretty much recovered i’m curious to see what i do about it
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aemiron-main · 1 year
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if the weird anon who keeps sending me my full name AGAIN would please knock it off that would be very cool
#obviously can’t post the ask LMFAO but this is happening again??#and it’s freaking me out bc last night and over the past few months I’ve had a bunch of my accts log me out randomly??#including tumblr logging me out and some weirdness w my email address??#I’ve had a similar problem before bc surprisingly I’m not the only person using the name ‘Aemiron’ and actually fought w someone on insta#over the handle/name so usually I just attribute any weirdness to that and people making accts w my name bc they use the same one and just#shit like that it’s happened on a few sites now and I just sit here like. i hope it’s just think wanting the irl and not being malicious#yknow?? again I’m probably overthinking this but this weird anon plus some of the ppl I’ve argued with on various platforms and actually in#a writing discord abt this shit has me paranoid esp since I used my legal firstname in the writing discord at the time in addition to#Aemiron bc I wasn’t out online as trans yet. and the person I was arguing with like lost their shit and went into a rage in my dms over#an argument abt religion and bigotry and abt how to approach it in writing and just criticism that they had ASKED for#and it was even weirder bc me and them had ALMOST been friends chatting in dms but they got super weirdly like possessively attached despite#us not knowing eachother well and just used to be super weird abt it and I’m just like. i hope this isn’t related to That#bc that caused some issues for me lmfao#like god I just ignore the asks and end up panic deleting them bc I don’t want to have to see my deadname in my inbox
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