8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

8. No dialogue. Just fight. Honestly though, I think both could be a fun challenge but pure action would be more interesting to me. You could have a lot of fun setting it up too: maybe it's a scene between animals? Maybe they don't speak the same language? Magic zone of silence? Would be a good test of writing body language and subtext to tell an actual story with nobody spelling it out.

21. I really don't think I could. I've been writing for as long as I can remember; when I got bored in elementary school, I drew terrible comics and then transcribed them into prose. I doodled on my math tests and wrote fanfic into the backs of my English notebooks. Writing, and creativity in general, is a huge part of my life and one of the main things that brings me joy. While I've regretted certain things I've made, I've never regretted having the ability to make them. Giving up "writing" would be giving up a lot more than just words on a page: it's also my ability to string plots together in an interesting way, put ideas into a reader's mind, and make someone feel what I want them to. You're telling me I can't make comics with a plot anymore? I can't tell stories, or set up jokes that make my friends laugh? No way am I giving all that up.

On a slightly darker note, I have actually lost the ability to write prose before, and it was when I was seriously depressed. I couldn't focus enough to write nonfiction and I didn't have the emotional bandwidth for fiction. One of the biggest signs that I was recovering from that was I started writing again, and it helped me heal. Now that I'm in a better place, suddenly stopping writing for no reason would be a sign of something much worse on the horizon, so I really don't want to lose that.

31. Warning: Cheesiness Below

Dear readers,

If you'll give me a moment of your time, I'd like to tell you a story.

When I posted my first piece of writing, I expected silence. I posted a big fic in a smallish fandom while having no preexisting audience. Somehow, despite that, two people left me a total of thirteen comments, which still blows my mind to this day, and it motivated me then to keep posting my writing. I would not be posting things now if it weren't for those two people, and nowadays if not for the many more who regularly read my work.

So thank you to the readers who leave paragraph-long comments and to those who send me two heart emojis. Thank you to those who kudos every work and to those who bookmark only a select few they enjoy. Thank you to those who put their name behind a guest comment, and to those who simply lurk. Thank you fellow authors for providing me ask games and reading my WIPs and posting your own stories, thank you fellow fans for screaming excitedly with me over a game we both enjoy, thank you fellow readers for telling me how my work affected you. Your comments and kudos and keysmashes matter; in fact, they bring me so much joy I have a dedicated email folder full of them. You help keep me writing, and I am so very grateful for all of you.

If you'll keep giving me your time, I'd love to keep telling you stories.

Welcome home boys.

Summary: Roger and Brian have been gone for a year but come back home to surprise you.

Warnings: Okay this is just as bad as the first part. So lots of SMUT, a threesome, this made me very sweaty. Poly relationship (kinda??) Everyone kinda gets the shot at being a Dom in this one but it's mainly Brian. Lots of dirty talk, daddy kink, overstimulation, unprotected sex (pls wrap it before you tap it), it's just really filthy I don't know what to tell you...there's swearing, spanking, spitting, Roger wearing lingerie 👀...it's just...AHHHH. (Especially the ending aggahsjskkskka) @deacytits you sure this isn't TOO much?! 😂😭

A/N: This is one big filthy clusterfuck. It's a disgusting mess and so am I. Enjoy! 💖

You flinched when the phone rang, it was first thing in the morning. You let out a groan and rubbed your face. You groggily answered and could hear people snapping at each other on the other side as they fought for the phone "Y/N?"

"Brian!" You widely smiled, your tiredness melting away. "Oh it's so good to hear your voice!"

"I'm here too!" Roger butt in and you giggled.

"Course, can't have one without the other," your smile fell slightly. Right now and for the last year you had neither. The boys had been immensely successful with their new band, Queen. They were touring the world with Freddie and John who you had met and instantly took a liking to. Although, you told Brian that any new member was always going to be better than Tim. You could almost hear his laughter in your ear as you sat on the couch. The boys looked at each other with a sad smile when they heard you say that, the phone in between them. "Anyway!" You moved on "How is...Brazil? Isn't it?"

"Yeah!" Brian replied "It's great! How are you? We haven't spoken to you in about a week!"

You rubbed your leg a little "I'm good, keeping busy. I miss you both." Your tone was low "I would honestly give anything for a cuddle from both of you right now!" You let out a watery laugh and quickly tried to wipe away the tear that was on your cheek.

Roger dismally sighed and Brian clutched the phone a little tighter with shut eyes "We'd give anything for that too Y/N," Roger said. "Please don't cry," he softly begged and you smiled, sniffling.

"It's like you can see down the phone!" You laughed, a little forced but you didn't want to worry them. "It's fine, I'm fine. I'm just counting down the days until I can see you both again."

"Six months..." Roger murmured and played with the telephone cord.

"I know, Rog," you sighed "I know." You swallowed hard, wanting to change the subject entirely and perk all of you up a little. "You won't believe how much I've watched you on tv!" You could practically see the two of them smiling "Watching your interviews and whatnot...then touching myself when I see you both." You heard them gulp and you smirked "God, Rog..." you deeply breathed his name "Seeing you with just a vest on and all sweaty really gets me going..." you hummed and Roger steadied himself against the wall with a hand. "And Brian," the guitarist bit down on his lip "Seeing you finger that guitar like that brings back so many good memories..."

"I do it for you, baby. I know how fast you like watching me play," he replied with a raspy voice.

"I like watching you play with, Y/N," you could just hear Roger murmur under his breath before letting out a loud, annoyed groan when someone else shouted something. "We've gotta go, Angel."

"Okay, well it was nice having a chat with you. I love you!" You smiled down the receiver and waited to hear your favourite sound in the world.

"We love you too!" They replied at the same time and you widely grinned placing the phone down. It fell fast and you sighed, heading to the kitchen to make yourself a cup of tea.

A week later, at around ten at night, there was frantic banging on your door. You were in bed and quickly got up, wrapping your dressing gown around you. "Alright! Alright!" You uttered when the banging became persistent. "Can I help-" you opened the door and cut yourself off with a delighted squeal seeing Brian and Roger on the other side with bags in their arms. "Oh my god! Oh my god!!" You jumped on the spot and flapped your hands about. You engulfed them both in a hug, they dropped their stuff and wrapped their arms around the bottom of your back and picked you up off the floor a little. You stood back and shook your head when they put you down "Bu-but you're supposed to be in I-Ireland?" Your words stumbled out of your mouth. You were still in shock.

"We have a four day break between gigs," Brian grinned. "So we thought we'd visit our favourite person in the whole world," he winked and gave you a quick peck on the cheek.

You brought your hands to your mouth, trying to conceal the biggest smile on your face. "Come in! Let me make you a cup of tea or something! Are you hungry?" You asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Only for you," Roger said and your eyes flickered up to them both leaning against the doorframe, essentially trapping you in the kitchen and looking at you like they were a pair of lions and you were a gazelle.

You smiled to yourself "We've waited this long," you quietly said and walked up to them as the kettle boiled. "I'm sure having a cup of tea for ten minutes won't be the end of the world." Brian gripped onto your waist and pulled you to him, crashing his lips to yours. You could hear Roger grunt frustratingly before he dragged you towards him and moulded his mouth against yours.

"A whole year, Rog!" Brian whined "I'm not letting you have all the fun!"

"Mhmm," he kept kissing you "Join in then," he muttered against your lips.

Brian's lips met yours and Roger's at the same time, all three mouths colliding together and fighting for dominance. It felt like all the breath had been sucked from your lungs. "Tea!" You said a little too loud, stumbling back with rosy cheeks. "Tea first!"

The two boys laughed "It's barely been five minutes and look how flustered she is..." Roger teased and you narrowed your eyes at him as you poured out tea for you all. He hummed into the mug, taking the first mouthful. "We haven't had a decent cup in ages!"

Brian nodded in agreement "Tastes different everywhere we go, never the same as back home- certainly never the same as the way you make it," Brian bashfully smiled and you waved away his comment with a humble grin. He looked at Roger before they both looked at you "We really missed you so much, Y/N, and when we heard how upset you were on the phone, we couldn't stay away any longer."

"As soon as we had the chance we wanted over to London to see you," Roger placed down his half full mug and cupped your face, that familiar, comforting warmth made your heart swell. "We missed you more than you could ever know."

You felt tears pricking at your eyes "I missed you both too, but you're home now!" You smiled, trying not to get too sappy because then all three of you would end up a blubbering mess. Roger gently kissed you but it soon turned very heated- the tea was forgotten about. Brian was behind you, his lips attached to your neck and his hands gently massaging your ass over the silk of your nightdress. "Not in the kitchen," you murmured against Roger's lips. The boys agreed. The three of you began making your way up to your room before you stopped in the hall. Brian and Roger were a little in front and paused when they saw you standing still. "You know...I've never quite forgiven you both for selling that van..." the two boys shared a quick, guilty glance. "And then you leave me for a whole year..." you dramatically sighed and slowly walked towards them, pulling off your dressing gown and letting it fall to the floor.

"We really wish we didn't! The van and the tour!" Roger said. "We loved that van too, Y/N!" He went to move closer but you held out a finger, warning him to stay right where he was.

"That van!" you longingly sighed and pressed your hands against your heart. "We had so much fun in the back of that thing." You stepped forward barely an inch. "Oh and you haven't even seen these yet!" In a flash you pulled off your nightdress and Roger swiftly gripped on to Brian's arm in shock. The guitarist was too surprised to react. "Aren't they nice?" You flaunted your champagne coloured lacy underwear that had the thinnest black straps on them to keep them in place, each side was cut out, showing even more skin. "I do have a bra to match but you both know I don't wear one to bed." You winked.

"Bri, I'm about to fucking cum in my trousers right now," Roger tightly mumbled, not releasing his grip on Brian and keeping his wide eyes firmly on you. "Y/N..." he said your name in a honeyed voice and attempted to move forward again.

"If you don't stay where you are I'll tie you to the chair in my room and you'll have to watch Brian fuck me all night. Again." Brian cockily smirked while Roger groaned in annoyance. "Get on your knees, right now." Roger and Brian did what they were told and you walked forward. "Such good boys," you praised and they both let out a faint wail under their breaths feeling your fingertips dance over their cheeks and jawline. "Do you know how happy I am to see you?" You rhetorically asked. You made them watch as you put your hand in your underwear and slipped a finger inside you, swiping it against you slick folds.

"Jesus Christ," Brian uttered under his breath and clenched his teeth together a little to try and relieve some tension. But you could clearly see how much they both needed you.

"I mean," you pulled out your finger and held your hand up to the light to examine it, the boys mouths were getting drier by the second. "Just look how wet I am." Your eyes flickered to them "Want to taste?" They both groaned, nodding their heads frantically and you smirked. "Say please," you playfully chided. Brian was a painting mess already, the two of them chanted the word 'please' like a mantra. You held out your finger between the two of them, they didn't hesitate to run their tongues across the length of your finger, brushing tongues with each other as they desperately tried to taste you. You watched with a small grin on your face, they were wrapped around your little finger. Literally. "I bet you two had a lot of fun when you were touring..." you watched them intently.

"We always fucked with you in mind," Roger said, still licking away at your finger and at Brian's tongue. "When can we have you?" He whined and looked at you with pleading eyes.

"Come and get me," You turned your back and began walking up the stairs, shaking your hips a little. You could hear the pair of them scampering up the steps. Brian scooped you up in his arms and you let out a giggle. He grunted when Roger jumped on his back. He managed to get you both to your room, you were in hysterics that Brian was still giving Roger a piggyback ride.

"Will you get off of me?!" Brian snapped.

"Get off of you or get you off?" Roger slyly smirked and slid off Brian's back while you clapped your hands with a proud smile on your face.

"Ohhh! That was a good one, Rog!" You gave him a high five and he held onto your hand, gently squeezing it. Brian's cheeks were bright red. You sat down on the bed and Roger joined you, both of you kept your eyes on Brian.

"Brian was such a little slut when we were on tour," Roger said against your neck "On his knees with his mouth open for me every night." You groaned at the thought. Brian was just getting even more flustered. "Begging me for it." Roger skilfully unbuttoned his shirt while he kept his hand on your waist, gently tracing his fingers up and down your skin, edging closer to your breasts. You watched as Roger stood up and undid his belt buckle and shimmied out of his jeans in front of Brian. The guitarist bit down on his lip and fixated his gaze on the wall in front of him. That was until he jolted feeling Roger's hand press against his already solid length. "Begging for it," he repeated with the cockiest smirk.

"Roger called me daddy and wore your underwear set that he stole!" Brian blurted out.

You and Roger loudly gasped. "That was a moment of weakness, Brian!" Roger gritted out his name. Brian let out a laugh and jabbed Roger's side.

"The baby blue one?! I want to see you in it!" Roger and Brian looked over to you on the bed, your teeth pressed into your bottom lip. Roger glanced to Brian and grinned, rushing downstairs to get it out of his bag. Brian began to completely strip off and he joined you on the bed, hovering over you and gently peppering kisses on your lips "I'm so happy you're both home," you whispered and intertwined your fingers with his curly locks.

"Seeing you smile is the greatest gift Roger and I could get," Brian flashed a toothy grin and stroked your cheek. When a throat cleared by your doorframe, both you and Brian looked up. Roger was standing there, basking in all his beautiful glory wearing your bra and knickers.

"I'm actually quite jealous that he wears it better than me..." you grumbled and sat up properly. "It matches with your eyes, Rog," you purred and clawed at the air to bring him closer to you. He sauntered over and straddled you, Brian was rubbing his hands up and down yours and Roger's thighs. Roger began to grind against your throbbing pussy- you were starting to soak what he was wearing. You heard Brian groaning with his head bent back as he began to get himself off while watching you and Roger. You smirked and whispered into the drummers ear, Roger glanced around and nodded at you with a twinkle in his eyes. You both shifted on the bed slightly and lay with your backs on the mattress. Roger's hand slipped into your underwear and your hand went into his- well, yours.

Brian opened his eyes for a second and looked at the two of you mercilessly rubbing and pumping one another on the bed. Roger let out a ragged breath as his back arched slightly and he raised his free hand up to grab onto your sheets. "What are you two doing?" Brian asked, breathing heavily.

You glanced at Roger, he didn't speak but you could hear the words; 'Ask him' fall from his mouth pleadingly. You hummed and let out a loud moan feeling Rogers fingers brush frantically over your clit. "We want you to cum on us," you paused momentarily "Please, daddy."

Brian gulped, his eyes becoming darker with full blown, unadulterated, lust. You saw a wave of confidence and power crash against his face- you and Roger both knew he felt good being called that. "What did you call me, baby?" He stood between your left leg and Roger's right leg, clamping you between his strong thighs. You and Roger were stuck to each other and not going anywhere.

"Daddy," you purred and Brian let out a faint hiss, grabbing your hand and Roger's hand and then controlling you both, making you touch and rub each other faster than before. You and Roger jerked and let out a desperate plea for him to do as you kindly asked. Brian pulled his hands back and began to roughly jerk his hand up and down himself in front of the two of you, soft moans left his warm lips and his head fell forward, he kept watching the two of you with half hooded eyes.

"Oh God, Rog!" You yelped when he playfully began to flick you "Shit!" You jerked your hips forward when he did it again.

"Did you do that to yourself?" He asked, not caring how exhausted he already sounded. "Bet you did, thinking it was me and Bri- such a dirty girl." You mewed loudly and squeezed your eyes shut, a pleasure driven pressure building up inside you. "We've got a special surprise planned for you-"

Brian cut Roger off "Shut up! Don't tell her! I'm trying to focus anyway!" He grunted and frantically pumped, "Oh J-Jesus!" He moaned out and came all over yours and Roger's stomach. You and Roger stopped touching each other and moaned with smiles on your faces seeing streams of white all over your skin. It was like Brian was the artist and you and Roger were his canvas.

Roger sat up and motioned his head towards your stomach and chest, Brian caught the gist of what he was trying to say. Rog and Bri licked all of the cum off your stomach and breasts with grins on their faces, you began to giggle feeling the tickling sensation on your skin. Roger sat up and grabbed Brian's boxers that were on the floor and wiped off the cum on his stomach. Brian glared at him. "Hey, you caused it- your clothes clean it!" Roger said with a mouth full of cum, taking off your bra and knickers set that he was wearing and tossing them to the side.

"Me and Y/N could have licked it off!" Brian said- his mouth equally as full. "More to spit on her," he devilishly smirked and you felt a chill run down your spine. You were still on the bed, happily allowing the boys to peel off your underwear and pull apart your legs by your ankles before they settled in between your thighs. One leg was on Roger's shoulder and the other was on Brian's. The pair of them let the sticky cum and spit mixture fall from their mouths on to your already dripping heat. They began massaging in the sticky substance against your clit and inner thighs driving you insane from all the pleasure.

"Good god!" You groaned "Feels so fucking good!" Your arms spread out and you balled your duvet cover in your hands. "O-oh GOD!" You yelped feeling not one, but two tongues on your throbbing pussy. "Y-y-you b-both?" Your words tumbled almost incoherently out your mouth. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head with sheer ecstasy feeling them both lap up your juices as well as the sticky cum mixture they spat on you and play with your clit. You loudly groaned, eyes squeezing shut and your shoulder blades tensing together, making your back rise off the bed completely. You sat up and they looked up to you with the most innocent of gazes. They then glanced to each other and made you watch as their tongues brushed against one another's. "Sweet mother of god," you murmured and fell back onto the bed. As Brian continued to eat you out, Roger pulled back and crawled onto the bed beside you. Lovingly stroking his fingers down your body that was glowing in the light from the sweat that was building up.

Roger noticed the signs on your face and smirked "You're going to cum aren't you, angel?" He said in a sinfully sweet tone "Cum on Bri's tongue. He's missed you so much and I've missed that hot as fuck face you make when you do cum." You gasped for air when your lips widely parted and you let out a shuddering mew when you came. Roger brushed the tip of his tongue around your parted lips before kissing you as you kept panting for air.

You twitched, Brian wasn't stopping. "J-Jesus!" You hissed and bit on Roger's bottom lip "He isn't stopping!" You gasped, your nerves jolting with overstimulation. Roger glanced down to Brian and gently nudged his shoulder but he kept going, an animalistic growl sent vibrations through your entire body. "F-fuck! Fuck! Brian!" You cried as your legs frantically kicked the air.

Brian finally pulled back, gasping for a large lungful of air. It was like he had just been holding his breath underwater for five minutes. "Thought you were going to bloody kill her there, Bri!" Roger laughed.

The guitarist sent him a spine tingling gaze, one that he had never recalled seeing before. In a matter of seconds Brian was straddling Roger, Roger's hands trapped under Brian's muscular thighs. He then placed a hand to your pulsating, dripping pussy and began fingering you. The overstimulation made you cry out his name and you tried to pry his hand away by the wrist but Brian was too strong and you were too exhausted. "Look at her," Brian spat in Roger's face "Look how fucked she is."

You wailed and groaned, your whole body trembling from the power of Brian's hand. Roger gulped and tried to help you out but Brian wasn't letting him move at all. "I-I can't breathe!" You gasped, slightly encouraging Brian's movements as you mindlessly kept rubbing yourself up and down on his hand.

"She needs a break," Roger panted out.

"Beg for it," Brian mocked Roger's words.

"Should have known this was your fault, Taylor!" You snappishly rasped at Roger with your eyes shut.

"Please, Bri," Brian raised a brow and Roger sighed under his breath "Please daddy." That only excited Brian more and he rubbed you faster. Roger smirked and being the devil he is, he began encouraging Brian. "Please keep fingering her, daddy. She's going to cum again and I want to lick it off your fingers."

"R-Roger! You little fucking shit!" You growled, hair sticking to the back of your neck as you were sweating so much. "Bri, baby!" You moaned "I can't...I can't!" You whined, desperate for a breath at his point.

"You can, baby, and you will," Brian lowly spoke before turning to Roger. "You did say you liked seeing me play with Y/N, Rog..." Roger brokenly whimpered. "Who's the little sluts now?" He cockily smirked and gripped onto Rogers jaw with his strong fingers, moving closer to the drummers face. "Who?"

"W-we are," Roger's words were strained. He was almost positive that he was about to cum any second now just watching Brian turn you into a complete and utter mess, not to mention him behind the dominant one for a change.

"That's right," Brian pried open Rogers mouth a little more with his strong fingers, still keeping a firm grip on his jaw. The drummer shut his eyes and groaned feeling Brian's hot saliva run down the back of his throat before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. Roger was in a little paradise of his own, sucking away on Brian's fingers until his eyes snapped open when he heard you scream higher than he could sing when you came over Brian's fingers.

Brian pulled back his hand and you collapsed on the bed, Roger had the pleasure of feeling your warm, slick juices on his cock when Brian started to roughly jerk his hand up and down Roger's length. "Holy fuck! Holy fucking fuck!" Roger growled.

You tiredly smirked, your limbs were too wobbly to hold you up yet so you raked your nails over Roger's lower back and sides while your head rested on his thigh. You glanced up to Brian with a sultry smirk on your face. "Daddy wants you to come, Rog." You purred, Roger loudly cursing you as you got your own back for that overstimulated torture. "Daddy has been so good to us," you stroked your fingers over Brian's inner thighs, causing him to grunt and runt his hips a little. "He wants you to taste me and you..." you grinned like the Cheshire Cat when Roger started mumbling to himself.

"Fuck! Fuck! Shit!" Roger's voice started to get louder "G-GOD!" He screamed, finally coming undone on Brian's hand. Rog drooped forward slightly and softly landed against Brian's shoulder. He eventually sat up just enough and Brian smeared what was on his fingers on Roger's lips. The drummer sucked on them ever so softly with a hum. "I'm good to finish her off if you are, Bri." Roger swallowed the remnants of your cum and his own.

Your soft, light smile disappeared from your face and you quickly sat upright, most of your muscles starting to work again. "What to you mean finish me off?! I'm bloody banged out!"

"We haven't even banged you tonight, sweetheart." Brian pulled you onto his cock and you bit down on his shoulder to stop yourself screaming. He would have a bruise there tomorrow. "Been a year since I've felt this pretty pussy around my cock. Did you miss it?" You nodded, words no longer able to come out your mouth. The only things able to tumble out were groans, moans, wails and screams. Brian harshly slapped your ass and you yelped, Roger then began soothingly massaging it better. "Tell daddy how much you've missed his cock pounding into you."

"S-so much," you whispered against Brian's lips and sloppily kissed him. He spanked you again when he didn't get the response he wanted. "I've missed your cock pounding into me so much daddy!" Your arms tiredly wrapped around Brian's back "Please be gentle with me, love," you whispered and Brian softly grinned, protectively wrapping his arms around your waist and delicately guiding you up and down his length. "Mhmm...like that," you said with a whisper and snuggled into his neck.

"I might be going slow but that doesn't mean Rog will do the same..." Brian had an evil smirk on his face and before you could react, Roger had pulled you off Brian and on to him, thrusting into you and laughing almost menacingly and he grabbed and massaged your breasts. Your back was pressed up against his chest.

"Ugh! Why do you n-never wear your sweatbands on your wrists when I n-need them Rog!" You cried and he just giggled in your ear. "I-I'm g-going to kill you." You strenuously said.

"You wouldn't, Angel." He smirked and harshly grabbed onto your hips, moving you up and down him as he rutted his hips as hard and as fast as he could "You love me too much." He groaned in your ear "Can't wait to cum inside you. Bet you can't fucking wait either...I'm almost there, Y/N, baby. So, so, so close..." He whispered before coming inside you, screaming out your name out at the top of his lungs, he was dripping out all over your thighs. You- just like your bed sheets- were soaked.

"My turn," Brian smirked and stood up, grabbing your ankles and hooking them on his shoulders while you lay on the bed still catching your breath. "We missed you so much, sweetheart," he softly caressed your cheek with his fingertips before sliding himself inside of you with barely any warning. All the pent up tension inside you snapped again and as soon as you felt Brian's hard length filling you up, you came. Brian didn't last much longer, saying your name louder and louder like he was singing the sweetest melody until he came inside you just like Roger had done minutes before.

Brian flopped down and lay on top of you, his ear pressed to your heart that was beating hard and fast, it was like listening to Roger play the drums from inside you chest. You extended an arm and Roger cuddled in close to you. "Welcome home boys."

•••

Brian pulled you towards him by your hip, your side rested against his head and he pressed a small kiss to your pyjama fabric while you tangled your hand in his hair. "Thanks for breakfast, sweetheart."

"I needed this fry-up after last night!" Roger wolfed down his food. A smirk appeared on all your faces.

"I'll stick with my fruit salad," Brian pulled you onto his lap and you let out a surprised squeak feeling your- still sore- thighs land on Brian's lap. "More energy," he winked and purred out a 'grrrrrr'. You giggled and managed to get back up off of him and sit down between the two of them. Brian and Roger shot each other a glance. Rog excused himself, suddenly standing up. He went to fetch something from his bag and when he came back with what he was looking for, he placed it in front of you. It was a square shaped box that wasn't that high in height.

You hummed with a smile and took off the lid. Your smile faltered a little as you picked up a handful of pieces of long card. You shook your head, full of confusion. "There's...there's about a hundred plane tickets here?"

"All yours," Brian began to explain "We want you to come on tour with us. We really did miss you-"

"-and not just because you're a great shag!" Roger cut Brian off and you loudly laughed.

Brian shot Rog a dissaproving glare. "No, not just because that...because we love you and want to share traveling around the world with you for the next six months. Any places you haven't been to and want to go tell us and we'll take you." Brian and Roger took your hand in theirs when they saw your eyes becoming all glossy. They were welling up too.

"This is such a wonderful surprise!" You pecked their cheeks, the boys looked at each other funnily- you noticed. "What you said last night, Rog." You held up a ticket "My 'special surprise'."

"Oh!" He laughed, suddenly remembering that he almost spoiled the surprise last night. "That's not your surprise, angel." Your brows knitted together. You heard the front door being knocked on "That's your surprise..." Your eyes flickered between Brian and Roger as you slowly stood up from your chair and made your way towards the door. You were unsure of that almost wicked smile you had just seen on Roger's and Brian's face.

You opened the door and sweetly smiled "John!" You embraced him in a hug. "My darling Deaky! How are you?"

He nodded "Yeah, yeah all good!" His voice was trembling. "Uh are Rog and Bri here?" He asked peering behind you slightly. You nodded and folded your arms across your chest. "Ah good, that's good." He fumbled trying to get something out of his pocket and handed it to you.

"What's this?" You took a set of keys from him with a furrowed brow. Upon further inspection, they weren't just any keys. You glanced behind your shoulder and saw Roger and Brian standing there, biting down on their bottom lip with a wide grin on their faces.

Oh they had really done it this time.

John cleared his throat, speaking up again. "The boys said something to me about us four in the back of the van?"

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Tags: (tag list is always open! Just let me know if you'd like to be tagged or not!)

@rrrogah-tayluhh @rogerofmylife @phantom-fangirl-stuff @pyrotechnic789 @deacytits @mercurys-bike @thatgeekspeak @mhftrs @dannydelay

Day 3: Therapy Sessions

Wow. Guys. We have made it three whole days. I’m proud of us. And by us, I mean me. And by made it, I mean actually keeping up with this stream of conscious thing. I’m surprised that I haven’t completely given up on this thing yet. It’s actually, dare I say--fun. Lets see how long I can keep this thing going. 

     Today was fairly productive. Kind of. I went to class. That’s my definition of productive. I’m trash. Today we went over the three scenes that I’m not in, and then we had one volunteer blindly pick a story to portray as a monologue. They didn’t pick my story, but it was a very interesting metaphor that the guest professor had. Basically, it was that we need to realize that every character we portray in our career as an actor is a “real” story that is being told--its up to us to make their story come to life. I thought it was really insightful, and I think remembering that will help me in my career going forward while learning new characters and memorizing their stories.       As for the rest of my day, I watched a movie, took a nap, and went to my last experiential group. That shit was bittersweet. I remember going to the treatment center literally counting down the days until I was discharged. Now? I don’t know... I looked forward to the groups. It was something fairly positive that was also productive in a safe environment. I guess I have the productive part with school--with my university being in the heart of downtown, I don’t think that safe really is the best word to describe the campus. It’s more dangerous at night, but lets be honest... with all the school shootings going around in our God forsaken country, I’d be naive to believe a campus is the safest place to be. People be crazy.       Enough of the sappy shit. I actually am happy that tomorrow is my last day. I can’t keep spending $200+ on groups every week because of the community. I need to find that community in a cheaper place--preferably a free place lmao. I am, however,  very excited to shell out my really good friend from our shared group. I believe that Mindfulness is actually the group where I first met her. Her name on here shall be Tree. Tree knows who she is. (She follows this blog because she “likes the way I write.” Me too, Tree. Me too). Jesus fucking christ, I ramble like a mother fucker. I can’t wait to read her shell out to her. It is going to be full of inside jokes, rent quotes, and sprinkled with heartfelt nuggets of emotion. It will be a shit show, and I’m looking forward to it. There are so many new people, and they are all going to be 100% done with both of us, but Tree and I have worked far too hard to make sure we shell out on the same day. We’ve been planning on breaking out together.       Therapy today was a thing. I feel more vulnerable than usual. I need a name for my therapist. I guess we can call him Pink. Our ongoing joke while he was an intern at the center was that on Wednesdays, we’d wear pink. Out of maybe a month and half of him being my individual, we only actually both wore pink on Wednesday once. Honestly, he’s the best therapist I’ve ever had. So Pink was asking me the usual questions... how my restriction had been this week, if I had weighed myself, how my meals were going... and then he hit me with, “Why are we restricting? Is it because you’re forgetting to eat, or is it defiant?” Here’s how that conversation went: Me: Its honestly about 50/50 between the two. Pink: What is the thought behind the defiant restriction? Me: I’m not sure. Pink: It has to be something... usually its that “I want to lose weight... if I restrict, I’ll be stronger... etc.” Me: *long pause and deep fucking breath* I want to lose weight. Pink: Okay, so walk me through a day with your meals. Me: Well... I mean.. I wake up around 9:45, and go to work around 10:10... I’m hungry, but lunch is only a few hours away, so its not a big deal. Pink: Rian, that is t h r e e hours. Your body will be hungry again for lunch... Me: ... I just drink coffee... it helps... Pink: *visible frustration* I KNOW. I KNOW IT HELPS. 

     Ohhhhh the shit I put this poor man through. He really is helpful though. We also figured out tonight that right now I’m restricting because I want to feel more comfortable in my body. Which raised the question of where do I not feel comfortable. The answer to that would be my apartment. It feels so hostile there. I still need to explain that fuckshow to you guys. I’ll make that a separate post for length’s sake... we’re already getting pretty long with this post. Anywho, long story short, Pink wants me to talk to my roommate that I have issues with. She reached out to me earlier this week, and I honestly just don’t trust her motives. I think she’s finally realizing that she did something shitty, feels bad, wants to talk it out, and only wants to do so because she feels guilty. I genuinely think she is only trying to clear her conscious.       Maybe I will talk to her. Simply just to explain why I haven’t moved back into our apartment since our falling out. I feel so unwanted, and regardless of the fact that I’m not really wanted in our apartment, I still have the right to be treated like a decent human being with emotions (no matter how emotionless I try to be). I did nothing wrong--nothing major anyways. Again, I’ll explain this in a different post if you want to know about that drama.       My main concern is where I am going to be living come June 1st. I’m trying not to stress out because everything will work out for the best (hopefully), but I can’t help but catastrophize the situation and come to the conclusion that my stuff will end up in a storage unit and I’ll just live out of my car until I find roommates. All of this came up when Pink asked what I planned on doing in the meantime. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I genuinely felt I’d end up homeless by summer, but its fine. Everything is fine. I guess I could always crash on my friend’s couch at the end of the day, but I really don’t want to add any stress to her and her boyfriend. With Crashy, I at least know its only him I’m bothering if I am in fact even bothering him. God, all of this is making me need a cigarette and its fucking freezing outside. Even Pink though was like, “well... you have found yourself in a pickle, haven’t you?” Why yes Pink. Yes I have.       After group and therapy, I decided to go across the street to their res program to see a friend of mine. He tried to be real slick and say, “bye guys, I’m leaving and Rian is staying in my place.” The look of actual fear as if this scenario from hell was actually happening had to have been entertaining to the res staff lmao. I was talking to one of the ladies with my friend and we were talking about me leaving the day treatment center and she was like, “Oh you must be doing well with your eating disorder.” To which my response was obviously, “nope. Not even close. I’m just poor.” She had no comment for that one lol. My dark humour will hopefully take me places one day.      Once I left my friend, I went to Taco Bell and had my usual three tacos with six mild sauces and watched the latest Shane Dawson video. Shane is queen. Fucking love that guy. This week he made Ryland wear a fat-suit for a day so Ryland could understand how Shane felt in his younger years when he was obese. It took a very real, dark turn very quickly--and thankfully it was after I had already eaten my tacos. Shane was mentioning how he remembered being so out of energy that he didn’t even want to move or talk the moment he sat on a couch. While I have never been obese, I have been severely underweight, and that isn’t any easier--I completely related, and then fell down a very dark rabbit hole of body image issues and how I have a love/hate relationship with my new body. I like having boobs and an great ass, but I also would do  a n y t h i n g  to have my old body back from my lowest weight. Not many people know that about me... they think I’m doing so great with my “recovery” and that I’m living it up in the city with my friends and modeling while trying to find freelance jobs with acting, filming, and editing.       It just honestly made me want to take out the entire week’s worth of calories and just fucking starve myself until I got back into the 90s. I loved the way my body looked. The thinspo shit that I post? I looked like most of them. I miss that shit. I miss being envied for my body. I miss people asking me what I did to stay so thin (to which I always gave healthy advice). I miss being noticed the second I walked into a room--my old nurse says it was because I was scaring the hell out of everyone, but I like to think it was because they were like, “fuck... who is she.” There are so many things I miss about being that thin. Lets be honest here, it was never enough, because of course it will never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough for this god damned eating disorder... but I want to try.  I guess its a good thing I’m still being weight monitored because there is no way in hell that Pink will let me get anywhere close to where I was without having to go back to iop. Hell... if I did it quick enough, he’d probably send me over to res and I could go party it up with my friend who is in res right now. Or he can come visit me for a change lmao. Anyways, rant over. I’m going to go drown my sorrows in The Office and cookie dough. Fuck eating disorders.

-- Rian Dianna