#jeremy talks
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My muse is dead. Tell me how yours is dealing with it. @scxrytxles
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, yeah, Jer, I'll be fine." Xander waved off Jeremy, who lingered and peered in around the bathroom door.
"If you're sure. Call if you need anything."
"I know, I will."
Finally, Jeremy relented, closing the bathroom door, and Xander sagged against the counter he leaned on, holding himself up on both forearms. Unlike his, Jeremy's apartment was blessed with an elevator, but getting from the van to here had still been a trial by fire. All the hiking had caught up to him: every bone and muscle fibre in his legs ached, from the soles of his feet to the meat of his hips. Worse, trying to push through it was impossible: any time he found himself starting to grow breathless, he'd just as quickly grow light-headed; the world would spin; and the whole group would be forced to stop and wait for him. Even Cyrus had given him advice.
And that didn't even account for the injuries Nil hadn't fully healed. Every brush of his tattered clothes against fresh flesh or scab stung; pain ran currents from his soul to his body at the site of each injury. In a couple places, he felt warm dampness seeping onto his skin.
It was important to clean himself. It would protect him from infection. The dried blood stunk, and the mud was hardly better. The dirt itched. Yet, when he gazed into the shower, he felt every part of him cringing away.
He persevered. Limping over to turn on the hot water, he dropped heavy on the toilet as he began to peel off layers of clothes. First, his battle vest. Nil had offered to help repair it, but there was hardly any point: it was in tatters--nothing but the hilt remained of the sword painted on the back--and what little remained was stained a dark ochre.
Is all that mine? The thought made him taste bile, and he threw it away behind him, into the trash. His shirt followed suit without a second look, as well as his pants--as soon as he could get them off.
Screaming that drowned out everything. Hot, salty blood gurgling in his throat and staining his teeth. Warm wetness seeping down his torso--funny, there was something wrong about that. Didn't matter. He had to get up. The monster had Chester. His limbs felt so heavy. He had to get up.
Tears ran down his face as he came back to himself, and he hurriedly wiped them away, smearing the clean lines they had made. "Fuck," he whispered and turned his attention to the tub, as if that would be any sort of distraction.
The moment he set foot in there, this venture would well and truly be over. No more second chances. No last minute turnarounds. No more magic, or monsters, or Alice. He clawed at his throat, feeling the lump growing. He would go back to his normal life, back to before he found his Honeybee, back to being just Nadia Xander. He had given it everything. He was willing to let her hate him. And it hadn't been enough. It wasn't enough. Alice was gone, and that thing was still out there.
Gasping sobs choked out through gritted teeth. "Dammit," he whispered, voice shaking. Slamming his fist on the wall, his voice caught on a shout, "DAMMIT!"
He clutched himself as he cried, trying to hold it back even as it came pouring out. "Dammit, dammit, dammit," he gasped out. He was such a failure.
He gave up, letting the rushing emotions take him. Not good enough for Alice, not good enough for his friends, not good enough for those who he'd dared to give hope, and most of all, not remotely good enough for himself. No more strange little stories, no more soft songs, no more peculiar questions or trinkets left after a lesson. She was gone. There was no going back.
After a time, the tears abated. He stood up. He glanced back, and he wondered dully if Jeremy had heard and now hovered just outside the door. (He hiccuped.) It didn't matter. He had procrastinated long enough.
He got into the shower.
#shout out to jeremy who's obviously coping by worrying about other people instead of stopping to be present with himself#drabble#modern magic#xander talks#jeremy talks#scxrytxles#alice#bog adventures
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GOLDEN GLOBE WINNERS <3
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list of my favorite things about jeremy knox:
he's an english major
he's a middle child
he says words like "heck" and "hecka" and "hecked"
his best friends are lesbians
barkbark von barkenstein
having different animal noises as ringtones for the trojans based on what position they play
uses a light racquet for more control over winning stick checks
bleached his entire head because he couldn't go through with frosted tips
"you are going to be my success story: jean moreau the person, not jean moreau of the perfect court."
gay
#cat talks#i think i could go on but you guys read the same book you adore him just as much right#he's literally everything i wanted jeremy knox to be it's amazing#tsc spoilers#the sunshine court#jeremy knox
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you cannot tell me jeremy wasn’t turned on when jean casually handled both him and the scrimmage
#yeah jean verbally eviscerating the trojans is hot and all but can we talk about this#best backliner in ncaa class i exy for a reason#tsc#the sunshine court#tsc spoilers#the sunshine court spoilers#jean moreau#jeremy knox#*
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CARMY & SYDNEY | SEASON TWO + touch
#sydney x carmy#carmen x sydney#carmy x syd#syd x carmy#sydcarmy#the bear fx#the bear hulu#the bear#thebearedit#jeremy allen white#ayo edebiri#sydney adamu#carmen berzatto#i can't believe I forgot we got a sydcarmy hug this season!#and can we talk about that shoulder touch!#i'm still not over it!#we were truly fed this season!
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jean: if you must speak to me, please do not speak in gibberish. the sun has clearly addled your brain-
#aftg#jean moreau#jeremy knox#jean: 85% sure californians don't really talk this way. but haunted by the possibility of the remaining 15%...#(i couldn't think of good mean frenchman dialog for jean. womp womp)#my art#also i think jeremy should get to be annoyuing sometimes. as a treat
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The unstoppable, mighty hurricane and the immovable, cold, hard truth.
#death note#death note art#death note the musical#Light Yagami#L Lawliet#death note fanart#death note musical#lawlight#dn musical#digital art#elle draws#more musical art! I love u forever death note musical#been trying out new things with my rendering again lately sorry if I'm all over the place#kinda wanna talk abt the decisions that went into the movement of the text because#originally it was just supposed to be simple serif type in the empty space beside them but listening to their solos on repeat while working#really influenced it and I couldn't shake how much I wanted them to match the movement lol#esp with light like I just wanted it to be small text but hearing jeremy j belt 'HURICAAAAANE' made me go fuck it it's the mighty hurricane#*increases font size significantly*
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I know everyone wants Jeremy to get a red card for defending Jean but at this point I feel like it will be Cat. Girl is ready to throw down with anyone who hurts Jean and I love it
#the sunshine court#tsc#tsc spoilers#jean moreau#jeremy knox#cat Alvarez#catalina alvarez#the tree talks
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Syd’s down bad agenda pt 1000
#y’all talk about how down bad Carmy is for Syd but not enough about how down bad Syd is for Carmy#the bear#carmy berzatto#sydney adamu#sydcarmy#carmy x sydney#jeremy allen white#ayo edebiri
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OKAY OKAY here we goooo an annoyingly long-ish post about all my thoughts on The Sunshine Court
Spoilers Spoilers Spoilersss you've been warned
First things first it is so interesting to see Nora writing from not one but TWO new people's perspective. Jean's perspective is just devastating being inside his head is heartbreaking the constant fear and panic and how much of his energy is used on just pushing down every memory of what was done to him. His coping mechanisms are terrifying and i truly do hope by the end of book 2 he has a healthier way of dealing with it bc baby boy stop hurting yourself :( Every sentence was so painful to read. But also his resilience the entire time to get through it no matter what, god i fucking love him!!! He is a fighter.
Jeremy's perspective is sooooo refreshing. He is such a little sweetheart i could cry. The fact that he sends hand written letters and he's so caring and genuine but he can also be so stern. When he dropped that "i asked you a question" to Lucas fkehdjdfjdh OK SIR. I'M SAT. His relationship with the family butler is so endearing as well i need more background on that for sure! My only one criticism is that he didn't have enough pov chapters and i'm hoping we'll learn more in the second book of course because there's still so much about him and his (dysfunctional? toxic?) family dynamic that we don't know yet but also i'm greedy and i wanna know EVEYTHING about him !!!
Kevin and Jean are so just tragic it actually breaks my fucking heart like "you didn't have to slit my throat on the way out" JEAN??? and "promise me you won't try again. I can't lose you." KEVIN??? And the fact that Jean to this day is still keeping that promise. Also Jean's obvious but secret long term crush on Kevin the way it's subtly dropped every time Jean has to stamp down on his desire's and "temptations" GOD PLEASE I CAN'T STAND IT
SPEAKING OF!!! BISEXUAL JEAN ??? BI JEAN??? BI JEANNNN !!!!
Neil and Jean oh my God like where do i even start?? The guilt Jean feels at what happened to Neil in the Nest and him finally calling him by his name after Riko's death and telling him his game was good. And Neil seriously needs to give himself more credit for how much of a caring person he is because the way he indirectly told Jean that he thinks he is worth saving and didn't even hesitate before asking Stuart to send someone after That Guy after what Jean told him. Neil Josten the man that you are!!!
Jean's little sister Elodie what a beautiful name. Them being so close and him reading to her. The way he found out about her death jolted me differently. It was so awful and i'm so sorry Jean didn't get to see her grow up and meet her again.
Renee and Jean oh my god. Jean thinking she's beautiful (bitch me toooo) And the whole right person wrong time ugh i can't stand it. Him wearing her necklace all the time, enough that Jeremy always notices it. And unabashedly stealing her picture from the foxes lounge. Like he did not give a fuck. He said this one is mine. One good reason to stay alive being rainbows i'm gonna FKSJSKDHDH. Theirs would be such a soft love.
Speaking of soft loves Laila and Cat are EVERYTHINGGGG. God they are so cute with their little domestic life and their rich gay boy son who crashes on their couch with his cardboard cut out dog. That whole friendship dynamic is beautiful. Their fierce protectiveness and care over Jean as well and the patience they have with him even after the little kitchen incident. When Cat took Jean out for a drive on her motorcycle god that was such a heart warming moment and Jean helping them cook as well and becoming the girls' little sous chef it's so cute so endearing !!!
FINALLY FINALLY THE JEREJEAN DYNAMIC
PLEASE I'M GONNA SCREAM
Jeremy being the one who told Jean that Riko was dead i don't even know what to begin with THAT like hhhhhhh. The way they're both stupidly attracted to each other but won't/can't do anything about it. THE WHOLE "say yes Jeremy" SCENE WTF WAS THATTT I WAS GOING INSANEEEE. Both of them having to stop mid sentence when they catch the other looking FINE as hell. Jean being so obvious that even Lucas picks up on the way he looks at Jeremy. Jeremy being there to ground Jean in a Moment and helping him come down from it. Grabbing his face and telling him he's okay. Moving into the room with him to make him feel more comfortable !! The way Jean grabs Jeremy's chin (boiiiii). Jeremy constantly reminding Jean that he is NOT A RAVEN ANYMORE no matter how many times he has to say it. Jeremy saying he'll wait as long as it takes until Jean speaks to him. JEREMY GIVING HIM A HUG AND JEAN CLUTCHING DESPERATELY TO HIS SHIRT FUUCUFHDHSJHSSUHDH and then the "will you help me?" And the "Anything you need" AND THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A CERAMICS CLASS TOGETHER?!?!?!!!! i can't i can't i can't i caaan'ttt
There's so much more to say but i'm gonna leave it at this for now because i need to go re-read it again and take my time with it this time round but i really could not have asked for anything better Nora truly outdid herself here !!! I'm forever grateful she blessed us with this after so long.
#i will probably be talking about all of this and more when it's safer to do so without spoilers#but yeah i just i cannot stress enough how PERFECT it was#everything i could want and more#god i love nora sm#the sunshine court spoilers#tsc spoilers#the sunshine court#tsc#all for the game#aftg#jean moreau#jeremy knox#renee walker#kevin day#neil josten#laila dermott#catalina alvarez#usc trojans#jerejean#jeanee#kevjean
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❛ no ⏤ no hospitals. ❜ - Maddox to Jeremy
That, that was a lot of blood. That was way more of Maddox's blood than Jeremy ever wanted to see, in fact, and of course he didn't have any clean towels. Every towel in his van was covered in oil, and the shirt off his back was almost as sweaty. "Why not?" he asked--almost demanded. As panicked as he was, anger colored his voice. Why did every difficult person hate hospitals?
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COUSINS!!!!! 🥰💖🫶🏻😍💖😘💕
#i love them so much YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND#emmys#ayo edebiri#jeremy allen white#ebon moss bachrach#the bear#greta talks
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(The Sunshine Court, ch.17)
Jeremy, probably:
#he had no way of knowing the neil knew french until that moment#jeremy: hot guys talking in french? yes please!#tsc spoilers#tsc shitpost#jeremy knox#jean moreau#tsc#the sunshine court#neil josten#all for the game#aftg#aftg shitpost
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The real reason they keep losing lvl 9 of AotD is because they’re too busy looking at each other lovingly :/
#real footage of me losing the battle and making Jeremy ginger#they kissed right after this#Jeremy’s talking about Christine or Rich or fnaf or something probably#this turned out SO much softer than intended#it was supposed to just be them playing video games I don’t know when they fell in love about it#michael mell#jeremy heere#boyf riends#be more chill#bmc#bmc musical#michael bmc#bmc jeremy#undescribed#my art
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It’s high time I talk about Jerejean. The pacing of Jerejean is just perfect to me. Like in each POV, they’re checking each other out constantly. Jean is equal parts ashamed and frustrated in bisexual. And Jeremy is like “This is a bad idea… But oh no he’s hot.”
But this internalized attraction doesn’t bleed too far into how they interact. They feel natural. Circumstantial, sure, but their relationship is still blooming like a daffodil. Jean is still bringing in the Raven mindset when it comes to Jeremy, but their chemistry is off the rails even then. We get a reciprocated hug! We get multiple chin grabs, but more importantly “Who did this to you?” We get Jeremy rushing to Jean’s aid when he’s choking himself. We get Jeremy trying his absolute best to take care of Jean. To listen to him. To show him it’s okay to be vulnerable. We get the duo: Jean “I want to be left alone” and Jeremy “Even by me?” We get Jean admitting to himself after Jermey said, “Stay with me” that it’s the safest he’s ever felt in his room and, more slyly, there’s enough room for two beds. Jeremy might be doing it out of a sense of duty, because Kevin trusted him, because he’s just a good person. After all, Jean says that the captain of the Sunshine court can’t be a villain; but how long till he realizes that his care for Jean runs deeper than that and vice versa?
Either way, Jerejean is perfect in this novel. This is pure attraction, secrets, and an ending we’re dying to hear. Nora left food for thought about Jeremy’s past and left room for Jerejean to grow. They’re just as deep and intricate as other relationships in this series, even if the readers are more aware of their attraction towards one another. But most importantly, there’s hope for them. Kevin and Renee have to be mentioned here. We have unrequited love or a relationship that they will never be able to properly repair (</3), and a right person wrong time problem.
Jean has had these “failed” romantic relationships. But it’s all for a reason and I just neeeeeed to see where Jean and Jeremy do it right. I love them, your honor.
Anyway, one of my favorite one-liner internal monologue moments from Jean below:
#tsc spoilers#we need to talk about jerejean more guys#jerejean#!!!!!#they make my brain happy#jeans so bisexual please help that man#me too tho#jeremy knox#Jean moreau#the sunshine court#nora sakavic
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SUNSHINE COURT END SPOILER
#ARE YOU KIDDING ME#TRY ME I CAN AFFORD IT#JEREMY KNOX THE MAN YOU ARE#WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THISSSS#THEYRE ALREADY SO IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER WTFFF#SOBBING#the sunshine court#tsc#aftg#jerejean
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