I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.

Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx

that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention

So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!

so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.

I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.

There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.

I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.

sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!

I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I hope I find your writing in every lifetime <3

I should be so lucky!!

jade, baby, sweetie, love of my life, tell your mom it's on sight

I think I surprised her cos I did get a bit like. Confrontational with her 😭 I said of course you think that but not everybody else does and she didn’t say anything back (besides then telling me she liked me shoes about two mins later)

little loser gf thought!!! rockstar!sirius who never ever misses an opportunity to mention his loser gf in an interview. james and remus are like nobody asked 🙄🙄 and sirius is like I don’t care everybody needs to know I have the sweetest gf in the universe!!! (she made me this bracelet by the way do u like it? too bad it’s one of a kind and so is she 😇)

He doesn't make it super obvious at first who he's talking about but everybody knows it's more than a friend, and when the curtain rises (as in, he's walking a red carpet and decides to show the interviewer a photo of you the minute she asks), he couldn't be more clear. Isn't she pretty?

General opinion is that you are pretty, but you're so normal. It doesn't make sense, says the majority. And you don't catch much of it, dedicated to avoiding the tabloids and the interest spaces dedicated to debating what you're worth, but Sirius does, and he was extreme before it, so after that he's full on. Photos of you on his stories, tweets about being lovesick when you're around and lovelorn when he's on tour. In interviews, he sings your praises and the interviewers lap it up. She's a bit indecisive, he says, like this is the most adorable thing a person can be, his phone turned to the camera as he clicks on an album titled 'Y/N's projects'. He shows off things that aren't perfect without shame.

His very favourite thing is just how you smile, and how you are. I wasn't a big talker before we met, he says, his arm around your shy shoulders at an event that intimidates even the biggest stars, having insisted you come. But now I can't shut up. I need to know what she thinks about everything, all of the time. We get chucked out of places because I make her talk to me.

Interviewers always laugh and smile at you, and they ask the same questions. Is it hard being with someone in such a bright spotlight?

You spin it different each time but your intention is the same. Sirius isn't hard to be with. He's loud, brash, a little rude, but he's earnest to a fault, and he brags about your every breath.

also yeah shout out fat girls they make the world turn and the sun rise ‼️

nothing like a tummy. nothing.

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐟 — sirius staying over at his loser gfs place for the first time and finding out she sleeps with a plushie. and r is so embarrassed, trying to hide it and act like she doesn’t use it every night but sirius literally doesn’t care. ‘just as long as you love me better than walter the bear, babe 😌😌😌’

You're so scared of him coming over that you totally forget Walter in the middle of your bed, which is silly, because Sirius will need somewhere to sleep tonight and something tells you he won't be very happy on the sofa. He'd walk into your bedroom like a kid in a candy store but his expression would drop at the sight of Walter.

He leaps for him. You try to get around him and steal Walter back for better hiding but he's adamant at looking at him, elbowing you away with surprising strength. Who's this, then? he'd ask, like he's just discovered some hidden fling.

You'd flop into his lap begging him to give him back so you can stuff him under a pillow and forget this ever happened, your handsome, kind of intimidating boyfriend looking odd with a little rattan bear in his hands, but Sirius is adamant that Walter be treated with respect. This is the cutest shit ever and you're trying to take it away from me. You sleep with him every night?

When you die of embarrassment (turn your face into his thigh) he nestles Walter against your pillows and rubs his knuckles into your shoulder blade fondly. It's cute, he'd insist.

You don't think it's weird?

It's only weird if you love him more than you love me, babe.

I just found out I'm pregnant after years of being told I wouldn't be able to have kids. It actually cause my fiancee to break up with me because we had been trying and then did fertility tests (at least I didnt get married to him). Anyways, I am super excited and have been reading every single pregnant!reader and stumbled across yours and I love them. Wouls you be willing to write more??

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! and yes I love writing pregnant!reader I’m always willing ❤️

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐟 —

i always saw james as the happy go-lucky friend but no one can be happy all of the time and i feel like the stress of having to keep up appearances and keep spirits high would get to him and r being the one of the only ones who can see it bc she understands faking her emotions for other people :((

Sometimes you just see his smile drop. It doesn't mean he wasn't being genuine, doesn't mean he wasn't happy to entertain or ring up one of his mates to make sure they were alright, but the levy gets heavy.

You sidle up to him, trying to come off casual because he hates making a big deal of things that have to do with him, hand curling around his arm or cheek pressing to his shoulder quickly. And he's so selfless he'll wrap his arm around you and ask you what's wrong with you.

You do everything you can and it doesn't feel like a lot, but to James it means everything. You make him a cup of tea, warm him up something sweet, a bowl of fruit tart and evaporated milk or maybe a scone with fresh cream, the hearty desserts he secretly loves. You get his pyjamas and massage the sore tight spot between his shoulders. James acts like this is a huge treat and completely over the top, planting smiley kisses into your palms and pulling your legs into his lap, but the longer he sits with you the quieter he gets until he's silent for a while.

Sorry, he'd say, rubbing his eyes. Knackered.

He wouldn't realise how heart-aching he can be. It's your pleasure to drag your fingers through the silk of his curls, glad to take care of him, and to murmur reassurances into his skin. Don't be sorry, Jamie, I get it. Have a breather.

JADEY DID YOU QUIT??? Ugh I'm so happy you're quitting 😭😭😭 what a good decision for you, there's better places out there!

I QUIT!!!! I QUIT MY STUPID JOB JUST NOW!!!!!

𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐟 —send me a headcanon for a character and I'll give my thoughts/ write a little scenario, including but not limited to sirius and his loser gf

r’s flat is chaotic and there’s evidence of her hobbies everywhere (including the bathroom) so for the longest time she was too scared to invite sirius over (because he’s the coolest!!) until sirius basically comforts her and is like baby No!! u are the coolest and i would never judge ur flat or ur abandoned hobbies even the knitted toilet paper doll (omg jade tell me u have seen these they r CREEPY) (also i hope u haven’t already had one like this)

(I googled the doll I don't think I've ever seen one before and they're SO creepy but they're also kinda cute? I kinda love them) (I have not but even if I did ily)

No because Sirius starts thinking you're a hoarder with how vehement you are that he not see your home until he kind of says, in a soft but firm tone, that whatever it is that's so shameful about where you live won't change how much wants to be with you. Plus, we can't have freaky snog sessions at mine. Too many roommates.

Which is a joke but still true. You invite him over with a perma-lump in your throat as he just kinda stares at everything. And you're thinking Oh, my god, I'm a loser and I fucked it and he's gonna break up with me, but he just crouches down and pokes your weird knitted toilet paper doll with a rakish smile.

He wouldn't leave it lie, either, he wants to see your little projects, failed or otherwise, spends hours on your bedroom floor leafing through old sketchbooks, rubber lino carvings and beaded bracelets. He always has something nice to say, to the point where you get a little teary thinking about it, all his handsome coolness softened as he holds up an origami flower and says, Doll! Make one for me right now. And he sees the look on your face and asks you what's wrong, pulling the truth from you with a hand creeping down your arm.

Well, that's dull. This is the stuff that makes you you, and I really like you, so I like your flat.

Sirius would have a standing invitation from that point on. Sometimes you'll wake up after he does and find him drinking coffee with one of your half-finished friendship bracelets on his wrist :(((

jade my love, you've seen these pictures right?? because if not, you must it's urgent

he's so pretty i've forgotten to breathe

ummmmm UM uh sweats

no Steve is literally such Boyfriend (and husband) material like in show he bought flowers after an argument. Is constantly touching Nancy when they were dating. Has the dopiest grin looking at her when dating. Cares so much for people....I want to give him the love he deserves..

Let ME buy HIM flowers just to see him melt and get flustered. Let ME hold HIS hand.

my favourite bit is when she’s upset and he sits down to be the same height before he tries to make her feel better

jade it's joe keerys birthday!!

wow !!! another year of being the most handsome guy on planet earth

I have put in a couple of requests for Spencer and a reader that is essentially the opposite of the 'badass' and 'bombshell' readers you write him with so often, because neither of those reader types are relatable for me. I haven't seen any kind of acknowledgement of them. Not even a "that's a lame idea, fuck off", type thing. One was kind of recent but the first was months ago. I know writing takes time. I also know that not all ideas are going to vibe with everyone. I'm a writer too. I get it, and it's okay to say no if the request doesn't work for your muses. I'm not going to send in hate or throw a fit or anything.

But I would like to know if the requests were even received, especially since I've seen some new ones from others being responded to.

I would never say 'that's a lame idea, fuck off' because I'm not cruel, but also because I don't have time to reply to every request I'm not going to write explaining why

I like writing those readers, it's not my fault you can't relate and not my responsibility to write different types of readers because you want me to, I hope you know that. I write what I enjoy... As for me responding to new ones — it isn't law for me to answer requests in any specific order.

I'm sure I'll get a response to this calling me defensive or rude but honestly I find this message quite rude and presumptuous, and despite you saying you won't send hate or throw a fit this feels hostile. You could've said 'oh hey did you get my request by the way?' (Though I don't HAVE to respond to that either, because this is my life, my time, my autonomy, to choose to do with whatever I want to do). I do not owe you an acknowledgement (though I don't usually mind giving them) but if I did, I would have to answer every ask to be fair, no? And I sometimes get 20 requests in one day, some days even more (and of course some days less), and I don't KNOW if I'm going to write them or not immediately from just looking at them, but if i did, that would take me lots of time each day that I would rather spend in other ways, as I'm allowed.

yeah this just rubs me the wrong way. If it was you who sent the request yesterday or the day before that began with how you can't relate to bombshell reader, then I want to say that i found that request kind of rude too, because it was just you telling me you can't relate to them, and then saying you wanted 'some blurbs' with a huge list of specifics and no please nor acknowledgment of me as a living breathing person on the other side of it (if it wasn't you please disregard)

edit: I realise this is rather blunt and not like me, but I don't know I just am not comfortable with it. I really don't mean to be harsh but please try to see where I'm coming from, this is not the only message I've received like this where I feel like certain unreachable things are expected of me, you can just ask me a question about it rather than give me what I feel to be a scolding. And I want to amend that my own annoyance may be stemming from multiple rude asks lately and not just the original sender, so I apologise for that

I hope you’re doing a lil better! Can we talk about zombie Steve cheering his girl up? I can just imagine all the sweet nothings and the protective hugs

Steve's become quite good at cheering you up since you met. It's easier now that he loves you and now that you love him, because he can lean over for a kiss or let you hold his hand as you walk from place to place and know without question that his touch alone makes you feel better. 

When you're hungry and food is hard to find —and when he's usually getting grumpy himself, depressed and exhausted and worried— it's all about the silent touches, quiet communications of love and promise. We'll get through this, said in the way he twines your fingers tightly, or his hand pressed to your aching stomach when you lay down for the night. 

When you're tired, he cheers you up with bad jokes and sarcasm, but it's much more gentle than his usual feigned derision. This is when all the nicknames and declarations of love tend to crop up, because he knows you aren't fully alert to tease him for anything. If he wakes you up late at night to swap watch shifts with him, he says sorry via kisses pressed to your collar, your sternum, and your chest. If you're safe enough to sleep at the same time, he wraps you up and dotes with tender fingertips running in loops down your spine until his wrist is tingling from exertion. 

When you're sad he lets you be sad, but he tries not to leave you sinking in it. This is when Steve makes promises hoping against hope that he can keep them. Things will get better. I'll make it okay again, I swear. I won't let anything happen to you. I take care of you and you take care of me. He hates seeing you cry, and he can't stop himself from wiping your cheeks as the tears fall, even when there's no signs of them stopping soon. 

When you're hurt, he's surprisingly sombre —Steve at his most panicked, he can't barely talk. He makes promises here, too, though they're swift and clipped to avoid giving away how terrified he is or how much it aches to see you in a bad way. His biggest priority is getting you back to one hundred percent. He tends to your wounds, and he gets clingy as a leech when you're on the mend. Tens of hugs; hugs in your sick bed; hugging you by your shoulders; your head to his chest; his arms around your waist and his leg thrown over your hip. Steve hugs whatever bit of you he can reach that won't hurt you, just to assure himself that you're still there. 

life is so unfair i wish peter parker was real

if Peter Parker were real I would never complain ever again