#ive had so much judgement from people when i use mobility aids | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abimee · 10 months

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was trying to write a post but it just wasnt coming out how i liked it or conveying what i was thinking about the jist of it was that i was thinking about how i used my art as my only tool in isolation to think about things that people tried to teach me was ''wrong'' like being trans or having acne but of which i never understood why it was ''wrong'' as a kid, so i ran off to my secluded corner to draw up what i was thinking about and how i really struggled wanting to show what i was seeing because there was no tutorial or online tips or refferences on how to do things, i didnt have any icons i was looking up to because they were isolated and hidden from me for the exact same reason, so for a long time my art felt like it was me trying to ''call out'' into the darkness to an idea i could just barely see on the horizon but couldnt get to through the murky depths of isolation and being told that art has to be a certain way and people need to look a certain way in it

to finally getting to a point where i seemingly managed to grasp that idea and shine a light onto it and have the depths disappear and everyones voices fade out until all i could see was the image clear in my head, and i was able to draw what i wanted because i finally ''understood it'' --- and this is about a lot of things in my art, like discovering i was trans or letting go of my fear of having self harm scars or acne scars or gaining weight, or even just random bullshit like having red cheeks or crooked teeth or weird looking knees. like i grew up rooted in so much self hatred and around people who were so mean and judgemental and i felt like i couldnt even fit myself into the little box of expectation placed before me and my friends that even when i ran away to my art i felt like i was trapped by the will of the world around me with nowhere to go and no way to communicate my sadness, because above all else i really do think all i wanted when i was younger was for people to be happy and to be happy myself, but i felt like i was being strangled by the thoughts and ideals of those around me to even the smallest degree, like a passing judgemental remark about someones self harm scars or crooked teeth

so now that i can draw that and communicate a positive love for people, that everyone is amazing and that nobody is ''wrong'', that love ive had since i was a kid for the world around me and everyone i met, it feels really good!! i cannot explain how much it means to me that people let me draw this way and respond psoitively to it and are moved by it because it feels like ive been locked in a box all my life not knowing what to do or what i was thinking about, and someone finally opened up the box and let me out and showed me what it all means. does that make sense? i feel like my art was a gateway to recognizing my own identity and who i am and to tell me that its not Wrong to be a certain way, that the people i was raised around were not telling the truth, that i wasnt a failure or doing something wrong when my teeth yellowed beyond my control or acne started showing up on my skin, that it wasnt wrong to have mobility aids or be suicidal or gain weight

like when i look back at my old art i see younger me who was struggling with a lot and just wanting to understand what it all meant, and as i grew up and put my art out there i was shown that the world wasnt a mean and cruel place, that it didnt have to be, and it really allowed me to open up and draw more. this post makes about as much sense as my draft but i just wanted to say all of this to say THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me because it really does mean more than you will ever know in so many ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if youve been here for a while you may have even seen how much happier i am now and how my art has developed as i got happier and its all because i know now that the world doesnt have to be cruel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you !!!!!! (^ old art i drew as a 15 year old as a thsank you)

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ownworldresident · 5 years

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Side by Side. Chapter 2: The Agreement

King Liam x Rayne (MC): With new additions to their family, Rayne and Liam re-evaluate their relationship dynamic.

Disclaimer: Most characters are the property of Pixelberry studios. I am just borrowing them and will return them when I am done.

MASTERLIST

Side by Side Masterlist

The Agreement

There was a knock on the door and Liam looked up to see Leo, Drake, Olivia, and Maxwell quietly enter the room. He smiled warmly at them and received the same expression as they took in the room. Rayne was still sleeping but the IV had been removed and she looked peaceful. There was one crib by the wall and one right beside him where he sat beside the bed. In his arms was his tiny newborn daughter, who did not yet have a name. In the crib beside him lay his son, who in the brief time he had been awake had displayed the same blue eyes as his sister. His friends observed the room and came towards him.

“Congratulations Liam” said Olivia quietly, as the four of them looked down to see his two children. His children, his and Raynes… it was so new and exciting, and it just felt right. She was the only one he wanted to have a family with. Leo put a hand on his shoulder.

“Congrats little brother” Liam looked up and saw Leo staring down at his nephew, such warmth and affection and pride in his eyes that he rarely showed.

“How’s Stevens?” asked Drake, looking at Rayne.

“Good, she hasn’t been awake yet, but the doctor said the operation went well. They want to keep her under observation for a few days, to make sure she doesn’t get an infection” Drake nodded.

“Little blossom has two little blossoms!” Maxwell said happily, looking between Liam’s children.

“They look just like her Liam. Are you sure they’re yours?” Olivia smirked at him and he chuckled quietly. Whether because of the reverberations of his chest as did so or by coincidence his daughter chose that moment to slowly open her bright blue eyes. All four of them broke into new smiles. Liam gently stroked her head and held her closer to his chest to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Definitely a Rhys” said Leo, chuckling, “so the new prince and princess eh?” Leo looked up at Drake who gave him a warning look.

“Leo…”

“I have to ask Drake! This is important” Drake shook his head and sighed, looking awkwardly at Liam and then at Rayne.

“What is it?” asked Liam, brow furrowed in confusion. Olivia rolled her eyes.

“He wants to know which one came first” she said. Liam stared at him, surprised.

“I guess that makes sense” he glanced at Rayne again and then at his son, “would you like to hold the Crown Prince of Cordonia big brother?” Leo smiled widely at him.

“I would love to. And you owe me fifty euros” Liam looked confused again, before he remembered that conversation and shook his head in amusement.

“I wonder if it will be the boy or the girl first” Leo poured another drink for himself. They had just found out the sexes of Liam and Raynes children. Rayne was asleep already, but he and his brother were celebrating with a drink.

“Does it really matter?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course! I need to know where to focus my uncle-ing skills”

“Seriously Leo? I think you should probably stay really far away from them” he smirked. Leo looked hurt.

“Alright, alright. I will uncle them both equally. But I will bet you that your son comes first”

“No. That’s a ridiculous bet”

“And yet I make it anyway” he grinned “fifty euros says our next monarch is also a king”

“Fine” he said, clinking glasses with his brother, “keep in mind he can abdicate if he wants to” Leo smirked.

“True, but the bet stands”

“I did agree” he said, “I ah… left pretty much everything at the palace. We’ll have to settle it later”

“Deal. can I still hold him?” Liam was surprised at his eagerness but nodded.

The four of them left Liam and Rayne and the newborns about an hour later. Drake was smiling as they made their way to the exit as a group. Though he had been terrified of dropping her he had had the opportunity to hold his best friend’s sleeping daughter for a while, and she was beautiful, much like her mother, if frighteningly fragile. If Liam and Rayne were still okay with him being the godfather, Drake would protect that girl with his life, just as he would her mother. Drake's hand went to the healed bullet wound in his shoulder, he would do it again for either of them, for any of them. Rayne was a mother now… and Liam was a father… the titles would take a while to sink in, they sounded like such a massive step forwards but really it hadn’t been that long since they had met the carefree, drifting waitress in New York. Love had brought and kept her here, love stronger than he had ever seen given what she had been through and was still dealing with. He was lost in thought as they walked through the waiting room towards the exit.

“Beer garden, everyone, now” they looked up, shocked, at Olivia’s recommendation, knowing she was not a huge fan of the place they usually went to. She shrugged, one eyebrow raised, “what? Relax I’m not going to poison you” Leo stretched and grinned.

“No complaints here Livvy, especially if you're buying. Celebratory drinks!”

“Great plan! Thanks Livvy!” Olivia scowled as Maxwell led the charge out to their respective vehicles.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up at the beer garden they had been to before the homecoming ball. To Rayne and Liam’s credit that had been a good night regardless of the circumstances. Leo had been on his motorbike and was waiting for them at a table towards the back. He lifted a glass at them and they made their way over. Before him was a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, a bottle of whiskey and an open bottle of scotch and he winked at Drake, who shook his head and reached for the whiskey. The four of them sat down and poured themselves drinks and Leo raised his glass.

“To Rayne! Mad enough to deal with Rhys children and the bravest goddamn woman I know” Drake smirked at Olivia.

“Outside of Lythikos that is” she added, and Drake smiled and shook his head as they clinked glasses and drank.

“If you say so Livvy” said Maxwell, turning to Drake, “speaking of women Drake where's Cass?” Drake blushed slightly, unprepared for the question. Taking a drink to clear it he stared Maxwell in the eyes and ripped off the band aid.

“We broke up” out the corner of his eye he had seen Olivia look up a little too quickly but ignored it. He waited for a reply, challenging anyone to delve deeper. None of them seemed discouraged.

“What did you do?” asked Leo in the midst of pouring himself a new glass of scotch. When Drake scowled at him, he only received a smirk and a raised eyebrow in return.

“Nothing” he lied. Drake knew what had gone wrong. They had been going out for a few weeks, only hooked up a few times so far, until Cassandra had slammed on the brakes and given him an ultimatum. It was completely fair, and though he was pissed at himself for giving her up he also didn't regret his decision.

“Not likely Drake c’mon tell us your deepest darkest secrets” Maxwell grinned, strategically far away enough that Drake couldn't strike him.

“None of your business”

“Leave him be you two” said Olivia. The three of them turned to her, equally shocked, she smirked at them.

“Uh...thanks?” he couldn't figure out what her angle was, until she said it.

“Your welcome. If Walker doesn't want to admit he has issues getting it up, then guess what? No one cares” they were stunned for a second longer before Leo and Maxwell burst out laughing and Drake scowled even deeper.

“That's not it” he didn't even know why he wanted to defend it, it was Olivia trying to get under his skin and the other two trying to get answers.

“C’mon Drake no time for 20 questions, spill”

“No” he said firmly, reaching for the whiskey. Leo pulled it out of the way, grinning. They locked eyes for a moment, Drake frustrated, Leo amused, before he got up and walked to the bar. He got another bottle, thank fuck it was the same brand, and went back to reluctantly sit beside Olivia again. Opening the bottle he poured three fingers and sipped it, looking pointedly back at Leo as he did so.

“We'll get it out of you one day Drake” said Max. Suddenly he felt Olivia’s foot curl around his. For some awful reason he found it oddly comforting and despite his better judgement did not pull away. Olivia didn't even look at him, and neither did he, but saw the corner of her lip curling up into a smile as she took another sip of champagne and continued to speak to the others. Drake looked down at his glass.

The reason he had broken up with Cass was that in the last few weeks he had spent his time increasingly with Rayne. She had become much less mobile and he kept her company at the palace mostly when Liam was working. Not being Liam’s wife, Rayne did not have the power to convince the others to let him spend more time with her before their children were born. It was a shitty arrangement, but she genuinely seemed okay with it and he’d been happy to talk and play board or card games or watch movies when she wasn't sleeping, which she often was. He wouldn't be spending much time with her now. He moved his leg closer to Olivia.

“Liam?” Rayne’s voice was croaky as she slowly opened her eyes and registered her surroundings. Turning her head, she saw Liam sitting in a chair beside her bed and crooning softly to something in his arms. He looked up when he heard her voice and smiled warmly. She coughed but then grimaced at the shooting pain across her middle.

“Care love, you have stitches from the operation, are you okay?” Rayne frowned, “do you remember that?”

“I –” she recalled suddenly the incredible pain she had been in, for hours... then the concerned voices around her, the appearance of three more people and the IV... “they operated on me?” he nodded.

“Apparently there were some... issues” Liam winced at that, “you had a caesarean, and these two came out of it” he looked down at the bundle in his arms, such pure joy in his eyes that she felt tears in hers, and she broke into a wide smile when she realised he was holding a baby, their baby. Slowly she tried to sit up, to get a better look, but her abdomen felt tight and she winced again at the pain spreading through it, “Rayne? Are you okay? Try not to move too much” his voice was worried now. He stood up, holding her tiny baby with one arm and reaching out to hold her hand with the other.

“I feel a lot lighter” he chuckled, and she smiled, lying back down and looking from her nearly flat belly to the love of her life to the tiny life he held.

“I bet” he squeezed her hand and she did the same, “would you like to say hello to your daughter?” tears welled in her eyes and she nodded, trying to blink them away. Liam adjusted the bed so she was sitting up a bit, and laid her baby on her chest. Rayne brought her arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“What's her name?” she asked, not taking her eyes off her daughter.

“She doesn't have one yet” Rayne looked up at him.

“Are you sure you're okay with me naming her?”

“Of course. She is your daughter too my love” Liam wiped away some of the tears on her cheeks. Leaning down he placed a tender kiss on Rayne’s forehead and when she tilted her face up, he placed one on her lips. It was gentle, and lingering. Rayne smiled at him and then back to her baby.

“Evelyn” she said. Looking up at Liam again she saw tears in his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely” Rayne smiled. Evelyn had been Liam’s mother’s name, and someone he had desperately missed since she had died when he was only four. He choked out the words, not bothering to wipe back the tears that were falling.

“Thank you” squeezing her hand again he brought it to his lips and placed and a soft kiss there.

“Evelyn Genevieve Rhys… is - is that okay?”

“Of course it is love. If you are generous enough to name our daughter after my mother, it is fitting that your mother's name be there also”

“We will always remember them” reaching a hand up she cupped his cheek and he put a hand over it, turning his head slightly to kiss her palm. Rayne nodded.

“Can I see our son as well?” he smiled and turned away, leaning down and gently lifting another bundle from the crib. Carefully he placed their son on the other side of her chest and she held them both, bringing him close to kiss his beautiful face as well. She hardly noticed Liam pull out his phone and take a photo of the three of them. She smiled at him.

“He hasn't been given a name either” he whispered, looking at them with such love that Rayne felt fresh tears running down her cheeks.

“What would you like to name him?”

“I thought you could” he said, then thought about it for a moment, “I thought maybe… maybe Leo” Rayne raised an eyebrow at him.

“Your brother’s ego might explode” she grinned, then sobered. There was definitely another reason behind it.

“Leonardo was also my grandfather’s name. I've always liked it” Rayne nodded, turning back to her son.

“Leo Drake Rhys” she smiled at him, then questioningly back at Liam.

“Perfect”

“Drake will hate that” she could just imagine him trying desperately to avoid having his name associated with the prince.

“Perhaps at first” Liam sat in the chair beside them again, “he would come around” she nodded, but the fact that she had been the one to mention ‘prince’ was suddenly a painful reminder that her babies were not truly hers anymore. For nine months they had been hers, but they were royalty, and she was not. One of them would lead this country one day… and Rayne would be in the shadows, quickly forgotten.

“What is it love? Why are you upset?” Rayne turned her gaze to a worried Liam.

“It's just… I won't get much time with them… now that they're here. As soon as I am not needed to nurse them any longer… no one will need me”

“That's not true” Liam’s voice was both hurt and firm as she met his gaze again. His eyes were determined, “I will not let you be pushed aside. You will be there for them as will I. And… and I need you, as well” his eyes were sad now as he reached out to caress her shoulder, “Leo and Evelyn will need their mother, and you are so important, not just to our family but to our people and to the world and Rayne” he stood up to put a hand over her cheek, wiping away tears that kept coming, “I will never let anyone forget that. We all need you. I would be lost with you” Rayne nodded, but still cried. She hoped Liam was right, looking lovingly down at their two beautiful babies.

Not long after Rayne had woken up, Evelyn and Leo had as well. When they started crying Liam went to get a nurse who came in and helped Rayne nurse them properly. He watched her, it seemed completely natural to her and she held then confidently to her breast each in turn. They didn't require much and so after that fell back to sleep with a smile on her lips, soon followed by their mother whose eyelids had been heavy since she fed Leo. Softly kissing her forehead Liam reluctantly left. He needed to go back to the palace to take care of a few things, realising as he exited the hospital that it was dawn. He hated having to leave but had given instructions to call him when Rayne woke up again. Though she had not yet mentioned it he felt guilty at his not being there for the birth and needed to confront the woman responsible for that. She would definitely be awake already, he thought, and once inside the palace headed straight up to her quarters. He knocked.

“Come in” called her voice almost immediately.

Opening the door and stepping inside, Liam saw Madeline at her desk, poring over a document with pen in hand. She looked up when he entered and didn't seem at all fazed by his set jaw or angry tone.

“We need to talk” the corner of her lip curled into a wry smile and she stood up to face him.

“Go ahead then, husband” Liam took a deep breath to try and calm himself.

“What the hell do you think you were doing yesterday? How could you possibly think it was your place to tell the staff not to inform me that my children were being born??” Madeline raised an eyebrow at him.

“You were busy, and the birth of your bastards is not significant. Once they're here, then you can of course see them. They need to see who their father is. Otherwise your presence was superfluous” Liam scoffed.

“You are joking, right?” Madeline didn't joke, “this is one of the most significant events of my life and I NEEDED to be there so how dare you keep that from me.”

“Watch your tone King Liam, you are speaking to the Queen. This was our agreement, you can legitimise your mistress’s children, but you are loyal to the crown” Liam hated it when she referred to Rayne as his mistress. She was the woman he loved and so much more than that and Madeline knew it.

“No Madeline!” his voice was raised but he didn't care, his hands were shaking in anger, “Our agreement was that the crown recognises my children, they are my children! I have a right to be there if not as king then as a father and you know that. Rayne is a human being, not a machine, find some ounce of compassion!” as if she had any. When she spoke it was quietly and she feigned hurt.

“I would perhaps for my own children Liam. so you can go ahead and quiet any accusation that I'm some heartless narcissist”

“No, you don't get to play that card” Liam said it before his own compassion took hold, which was her clear intention, “if you wanted me to feel sorry for you then you should have told me before we were married, like a decent human being” he turned towards the door and looked back as he reached it, “I will be the best father that I can be for my children, I will be there for them and for Rayne whenever they need or want me. If you were capable of love perhaps you would understand that, at the very least you could understand it as a duty to my family”

“Their mother is not your family” she said coldly, “you owe her nothing” he stared at her.

“I owe her everything and you know that. Stay away from them all” he left.

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