dinosaurs go rawr ! xoxo

How tiktok is the reason i got into theatre except its not at all how you think it is

Okay tik tok. Tiktok right? Right. So tiktok shoed me this clip of toggos woozle goozle in like,,, what? 2017? And i literally just wanted to find that one episode bc i was really interested in that topic they were explaining (i dont even remember it anymore lmao) (yes i know this is the worst tiktok thing to fall for. Yes it still happened.) sonthere i was. No clue what episode it was. So naturally i skip through all of them to find the right one yes? I found myself get really invested in woozle goozle and even when i found the episode i kept watching cthrough that shit. NOW this is were i first hear about starlight starlight express. I have been to theatre and musicals before obviously and i liked it but i never really cared about it too much. But starlight express? Staight express was different. Starlight express just had smt of home to it. So for months on months i just yearned for this fucking show, buyed the soundtrack (i didnt know english at the time but i accidentally bought it in english so i bought it twice lmao), i tried finding bootlegs (but this stage is barely possible to get a bootleg), i buyed merch, i read all about it online. Then christmas came and WHAT?! I GET TO GO TO STARLIGHT EXPRESS?! OMFG?! So on april 18th the following year (yes i remember the date fuck u) i got to see the newest adaptation in bochum. I have never felt such chills in my entire life (and i gotta say i don’t think that i’m gonna, anytime soon). And so i first started obsessing with a musical. Now two years went by, i saw the lion king in london and loved it but tbh i didn’t obsess over it even near the amount i obsess over other stuff. Mind you it is now 2019 and i have adhd. I have never had a hyper fixation last this long. This is when i start to understand the world a bit more. I realise gay people…. Exist? I mean obv i knew they exist but where i was it was smt rly rly special and i never even considered it tbh. I search up what lgbtq+ means and my suggestions are now not only starlight express anymore but also gay shit (lmao who would’ve thought this is how i turn out) and algorithm was algorithm-ing and gave me: ✨Bi Electra✨. Now this is when i first even saw other sides/perspectives to the whole show (and generally, the concept of fandom) and i re-obsessed over this thing that i never even un-obsessed with(?). I got into some more musicals, saw sone bootlegs ykyk. Beetlejuice had a local production and i alsi went to see sister act, little shop if horrors and frozen on ice (this was the girst one i saw in English). 2020 came and with it: covid. I got into other fandoms thinking i cant go see musicals anyway. I have given up to find movies of musicals and i had no idea the bootlegs were a thing. I only ever tried to find snt that i know now is called a bootleg for stex and i didnt find anyghing so naturaly i never tried again lmao. With other fandoms coming along, i started to leave starlight express behind. And so tiktok cames back into play. Dream smp. I had no fucking clue what these people that i kept getting on my fy were. It took me a really depressing gnf fanart to finally give in and get into that fandom that pushed everything else of my for you page. That’s when maria Reynolds walked into my life (sorry i had to say this). You probably know how the whole L’Manberg arc started with hamilton being watchable. So i not only got into the dream smp (and let me tell you i was down bad for the dsmp) but even more into Hamilton. It was only about a year ago i started realising i was gay and then this actress is introduced to me and she is so fucking hot and i thought i was envying her but it turns out it was just me being really fucking gay-. I started translating it and you know the rest. Well basically what happened then was me realising that i love musicals. Ive seen a lot of musicals but that never really,,, conected(?) in my brain… ig. And there is went obsessing over musicals as a whole. I knew english at this point btw. In 2022 our local theatre opened again because it was mainly outdors so yeah yk.

I was falling into a major depression at the time shutting myself off since quarantine yk. So my mom forced me out of my room. And suprise suprise it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Little shop of horrors opened again wooo. Anyway so i tried to find more and more musicals also on tiktok and i saw newsies. I was avoiding it for a good three months but i don’t remember why and i know love it more than myself lmao. Anyway uk’sies became a thing and so newsies started trending and it was watched a lot more and so it showed up on my disney+. I went “oh fuck it let’s give it a try” and have never been the same lol.

Yeah and you know the rest.

So yes. When i say that the dream smp connects to newsies for me, that’s not a joke.

Congrats on 500! I'd love a matchup if they're still open. Obey me, romantic please!

I'm not quite sure how to do this as ive never requested something like this before but I shall try.

I am 5'3, very pale with lots of freckles. Thick, curly, auburn hair, not quite orange enough to be qualified as a ginger but enough that I have to be wary on international hit a ginger day 😔 My hairs just past shoulder length and pretty messy so I usually tie it back, except for my bangs which are somehow even more messy, I tend to just brush them aside.

I'm a Sagittarius, INFP. I have a cat despite being severely allergic to them. My cat is my favourite thing in the wkrld. Literally my best friend, I don't care if that makes me a loser. She's great. And fluffy. And adorable.

I'm pretty sarcastic, sometimes I get carried away, to the point that I'm mean. I've been trying to do better though. I have pretty bad anger issues, I used to punch holes in walls when I was 3-14. Haven't done it in a while but I still feel anger most of the time. It's just that instead of reacting with violence I react with a cold sort of malice. I still have those out bursts of burning rage where I shout and throw things, but my last one was like a year ago so I'm pretty happy with how far I've come!

I've got ADHD. Common hyper-fixations include animals of all kinds. Crime, torture methods, serial murder etc... I've unfortunately become pretty desensitized to the kind of stuff I learn.

Ive always been creative. I love to read and write. I currently own over 500 books and I've read most of them. Recently I've been trying to get into gaming. I've only ever played games on the Wii and DS before. I love Kirby, the only two games I've ever finished are Kirby ones. I've even watched the anime.

I write mostly fantasy stuff, with magic and dragons. Love dragons. When I was younger I taught myself draconic just because I could. I do tend to write things a bit darker, I love a tortured protagonist. My current WIP shows an assassin joining a normal guild to maintain their cover (as they didn't kill a guild member who saw them and need to keep an eye on them to make sure they don't snitch). Then with time the assassin finds themselves getting attached to the guild and it's members, especially the younger ones. But oh no, their identity gets out and everyone turns against them! The whole things very convoluted honestly. Lots of blood and violence. I find it cathartic.

I also like to draw and paint though I'm not great at either. I tend to like to collecting things. I'm currently collecting the vintage Fear Street books- I started reading them like years ago now but since the movies come out they're so much harder to come by. I've only 40 or so to go though! I was probably too young to read them, won't go into details but there were deaths and scenes of violence in those books that I had no business reading when I was six.

I also collect Pokemon cards, though I'm not buying them as often. I wanted to get all the Eeveelotions, but then they came out with Sylveon and I quit because honestly how dare they? I was only two away and they made a new one. And it wasn't even a dragon type :( My big claim to fame is that I have a number of first edition cards, which is super fun!

I love music so much. I listen to pretty much every genre. My biggest are metal, indie and punk rock. But I also really like musicals. Right now my top songs are probably Ride the Lightning, Fleur de Lis, Ophelia, I Can't Decide, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, the other side of Hollywood and Mr Loverman. I play the baritone/euphobium- think a small tuba. I also play the guitar and harmonica (self taught!). I'm looking into getting an otamatone. My dream instrument, though, is the bagpipes.

My favourite movie of all time is How To Train Your Dragon. SAW III is a close second. Idk why I like SAW III so much, it makes me so angry I literally shake just thinking of it. But I also find it hilarious for the same reason it infuriates me. The main character is horrible. I make a point of watching it with every friend i make. All the homies hate Jeff.

My favourite season is winter because I love wearing toques and sweaters, curling up in fuzzy blankets, snuggling with my cat. I love the snow and the way it sounds beneath boots. I tend to dress mainly in black and red. Ripped jeans, steel toed boogs. I've got a ring in the shape of a snake and another with a bunch of eyes carved in it. I have a padlock necklace with an accompanying skeleton key necklace because I like things to fit together, y'know? I have a fairly eclectic earring collection. My favourite pair is a silver set made to look like meat cleavers.

So sorry for rambling, I have no idea what to say and ended up saying way too much but whatever. Thanks a bunch and congrats again! Go drink some water if you haven't in a while!

❄️☃️ anon

(Yo I feel your pain on the red head thing 😂 I'm strawberry blonde, and some people will fight to the death to say I'm a redhead. Stay safe out there 😂 Also, my cat's my best friend, so we can be losers together)

I match you with Lucifer.

To be totally honest, I could see you with every brother, and Barbs. But in the end, I feel like Lucifer just shone through. Especially when it comes to sarcasm. He can slice and dice someone in three words, so he'll give you a run for your money.

He loves how many instruments you know how to play, and may or may not be looking into finding the best bagpipes teacher to ever exist, so that you can both learn how to play together. Will make the other brothers play instruments as well so that you can all put on a concert for Diavolo.

He has all the ins and outs of everything, so he can help you build your collections. He makes it look like an illegal drug deal sometimes, and he's willing to pay waaaaay too much money for you to feel safe about your financial future, but he gets everything for you. Don't give up on your Eeveelution collection yet. He's got a lead.

He'll watch SAW III with you. He doesn't really understand why you continue to watch it if you hate Jeff so much, but it makes him feel soft inside to watch something you enjoy so much with you.

He birthed Satan from his wrath. He understands anger. If you get overly angry, he understands and will help you figure things out, calm down, or slice a bitch. He's flexible.

You'd gotten dressed to go out for the day, in your black ripped jeans and boots, a red blouse Lucifer had gotten for you, and that new pair of dragon earrings he'd also gotten for you. After finishing getting dressed, you headed to his office.

You knew he was the avatar of pride, but sometimes it was easy to forget until you saw him practically preening like this. He stood up from his desk, and took your hand, just staring at you for a moment.

"What is it, Luci? Is my beauty leaving you speechless?" You said with a playful eye roll.

He gave a booming laugh, before he drew you closer, and whispered, "Have you ever noticed how you tend to prefer my colors?"

"Huh, I guess I didn't," you said. "Anyway, where are we going today?"

He smiled, and again, his pride was staggering.

"We are going to practice your draconic, my love," he said, collecting a couple things and starting to leave the room.

"Wait, so that means..."

"Yes," he smiled. "I'm going to introduce you to my pet dragon."

Major Key Alert (Life Update)

Monday, August 7, 2023

I will start by saying that life updates are cringe. Whenever anyone posts one they disappear again for months, maybe years. But, it's been six months since I've last written, and frankly, I forgot about this blog. This could be due to the fact that I relapsed into my bad habits and couldn't look at a screen for too long without feeling nauseous, so I reverted back to pen and paper. I would have written in my journal today too, but I already turned the lights off and I'm on my laptop. I have a shit ton to talk about, so that's enough preamble.

Perhaps the biggest update, which is a factor in a lot of the other updates, is that I started therapy. As you know, I've struggled with my emetophobia for years, and in 2022, it got significantly worse. I always knew that I needed to go to therapy, to help with my phobia, but I did not know how to go about getting help. Then, this past December, I decided that my feelings and fears were valid and that I needed to see a medical professional and I made an appointment with my primary care physician. I made the appointment under the guise of being tired and sick all of the time, but I mentioned my restrictive eating and unhealthy thoughts. My physician agreed that I needed to start therapy after the tests came back normal for my vitals. I started therapy in mid-January, initially over the phone. I was formally diagnosed with a phobia! Emetophobia, to be specific, a fear of throwing up. The first couple weeks were about processing my thoughts and feelings and how they related to my fear. I learned about anticipatory anxiety, which is exactly what I was feeling. I learned that this fear stemmed from the actions of my father, his detention and DUI, his drunk incidents. I learned that my anxious thoughts aren't my real thoughts, that I can combat them. I learned how to differentiate my anxiety brain from my regular brain and to use healthy coping skills when I do feel anxious. I learned to be more conscious of my thoughts, to notice when and why I might be feeling or thinking certain things. I learned to do socratic questioning when I have cognitive distortions (breaking down the thought to process if it is valid or not). I have now moved on to the exposure therapy part of my treatment. That has also been going well. I have also been talking about closure with my therapist and talking to my father about his actions and the effects they have had on me.

Another update is that I have gotten back on my reading grind and then gotten back off. I started a reading challenge to read 100 books this year and so far I'm at about 56. I slacked off in May and now I'm perpetually behind unless I read like 24 books in one month. Wish me luck on my journey.

This one is probably the biggest change and my newest hyper fixation, but I finally got into K-POP. It started innocently last year with NewJeans and LESSERAFIM, then NMIXX, and then IVE. I swore that I wouldn't get into boy groups cause I didn't get the appeal and they were all the same to me. But then Tik Tok got me... One compilation of Beomgyu being a silly little guy and it was over for me. I am now slowly transitioning into stanning boy groups Together x Tomorrow and Enhypen. I want to buy all of their albums but I'm trying to be responsible with my money so I've relegated myself to streaming their music and watching clips and videos. NewJeans and Tomorrow x Together just performed at Lollapalooza and it physically hurt me to watch the clips, so I never want to regret not going to a concert. Enhypen are currently on tour and I want to go see them so bad. They're going to Chicago and Dallas and I've been trying to decide where I should go and I've been trying to save up. We'll see. I really want to see them. Like really bad. Sigh.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

EN