#ive been meaning to make this for WEEKS lol
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Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.
Part 22 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.
Bonus:
I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.
#Chara and Azzy have another talk#Finally Chara shows their mischievous side.#and Azzy knows Chara's language well#my art#deltarune chara timeline#art#bread#deltarune#ngl im so happy with how that chocolate shake came out. I want to eat it so bad#yay 6 pages of taking :') i hope you guys like that lmao#Glad I got this one done in basically a month and a week! Hah. I'm trying me best :') Halloween.. Exams and a ton of other things came up#surprisingly these backgrounds weren't terrible to do... I mean took more than two hours but you know what I mean#i struggled with how to frame the background though. I actually liked drawing it. But because both the background and my characters--#--are super colorful I have to make sure I don't muddle the whole page.#Ive been thinking of doing the overworld in black and white recently... may help me actually finish the comic lol. idk i may make a poll#gonna try and get the new part out in maybe a month again? sorry. Thanksgiving and Christmas get me exhausted.
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Saw some delicious in dungeon animation out of context. Binged the entire dungeon meshi manga in a week. At long last i have a show to look forward to once a week and another weird tiny middle aged man to my weird tiny middle aged man collection
#i actually have a whole rant in my brain about what makes buster moon and chilchuck tims enjoyable but thats for later#also ive been d y i n g this week so these doodles r not my fav#but i dont mean that in a /derogatory way#its important 2 share the things ur proud of and that yr not proud of#bc i dont want to form the habit of “i can Only share my art if its of A Certain Quality”#yknow#blah blah blah#anyway enjoy#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#chilchuck tims#laios touden#marcille donato#senshi of izganda#kinda#hey if you read this far i'll gladly take ur dungeon meshi doodle requests#itll take me some time to get there bc im behind on my sing reqs rn but still ill take em#my art lol
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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come into my animal crossing basement i promise i wont put u in a saw trap (∩_∩)
(this is my acnh house!!! more pictures under the read more ^_^)
its not perfect but i spent a lot of time on this and im very proud of it!!!! < 3
#i did not make any of the custom designs myself!! i just found them on the design portal LOL#IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR LIKE A WEEK its hard getting items u dont have in animal crossing#saw#adam faulkner stanheight#adam stanheight#saw 2004#my art#lawrence gordon#lawrence saw#adam saw#animal crossing#animal crossing new horizons#acnh#ALSO IM SO GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE REBLOGGING AND LIKING MY SAW ART it means a whole lot to me!!!! :3#sawposting#saw franchise
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Germany and his pokédoggies 🐶💕
Another thing for my pokétalia au (which admittedly i haven't posted a whole lot of yet rip). Of course Ludwig's team would be made up of exclusively dog pokémon lmao
also these doggies may be size-inaccurate so,, like apparently manectric is supposed to be 4'11??? and im afraid i just simply do not accept that. hes a little guy he is not that tall bsfsfsljksdlk
#Just fyi I have bee n hyperfixating Super hard on pokemon the past week or so#like it's been a hot minute since I've hyperfixated this hard on smth lol#So that's why I've been a bit MIA on tumblr recently if anyone even noticed bsdsjkasj#anyway I'm coming to the end of the game now so I managed to spit this out <3#basically another excuse to draw a whole bunch of dogs again🤧#hetalia#pokemon#poketalia#my art#artists on tumblr#aph germany#hws germany#i might do some more arts and actually expand the au like ive been meaning to for over a year lmao#i have a whole au in my head and ive planned routes and who the mc is and the elite 4 and the gym leaders and who all their pokes are#and ive just never made proper art for it bc im LAZY bsasakjlsdl#anyway im gonna try to hold myself to make more poketalia arts this year
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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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yk . common misreading and sentence that made me go Yeah
#mcyt#content smp#doctor4t#mason arathain#ghostart#this is a nothingburger post but ive been meaning to make it for weeks LOL
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i want a neopets nostalgia website you can't log into, it just always looks like you're logged in to the original site circa late 2000s and the main purpose of the fansite is just to recreate the feeling of going onto neopets to do your dailies as a kid. you can click around the world map, and take something from the omelet even though you don't have an account and thus an inventory, and you can spin the wheels, and you can go look in the shops even though you cant really buy anything, and you can go play the old flash games because they've been converted somehow, and maybe there's even a fabricated issue of the neopian times you can check. like it's all very simplified and obviously entire sections of the site like the battle dome would be missing, but you can Get That Feeling again just by poking around. no accounts, so no logging in needed and no large server space or cybersecurity required for the host (not that the real neopets ever had the latter), i just want to click on little secrets on the world map and play the hannah trilogy or ice cream factory or caves & corridors again
#i watched the neopets controversies history video like two weeks ago and ive been thinking about neopets ever since#feel like shit just want her back....#i have literally 0 clue what the site looks like now but i bet its Very Different#and i know a lot of games got lost in the flash conversion#like ive been tempted to make an account just to poke around one more time but 1) i hate making accounts#and 2) they have proven that they cannot handle the pressure of not giving your info out#i want to experience mcdonalds in-the-game era neopets again you feel me#in my perfect vision for this website even the random encounters are scripted into the pages with a boosted chance of occuring#since you're not going to be on the site long and they like. all have static references like its always One Pet In The Code that gets sick#or This Item that gets given or stolen#so it would be a lot simpler and still work with a dummy account page#but it would be there.... like even the money tree would be there just on a static cycle#that would be greatly reduced from how it worked actually lol#also does ANYBODY remember the game with the berries where you tried to get as many of them together as possible i cant remember the name#(also im going to continue gathering replies on that thing for a bit so you get neopets posting instead)#words and things#update: i went to the neopets website and its literally links to their merch and shit#i mean i know theres content there once you log in but wheres MY neopets!!
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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Think I had a breakthrough with something tonight. No I will not elaborate.
#Buuuut I wanna mention it just because it's a good thing#Just something a bit personal however I wanna celebrate that breakthrough somehow#I was going to go in to class today but my hair is a matted mess from not brushing it for a week (Brushing my hair is tiring lately.)#So I may deal with that and make myself some brownies in the morning#Then email my teacher and let him know why I'm not there when I said I'd try to be there#I need to be there at LEAST once this week. At LEAST. Preferably twice.#We're starting our drone flying and I wanna do the water drone#Merkerler speaks#(I should also mention the hair thing is not a depression thing. It just LOOKS like depression.#It's other things masking as that. But I don't even slightly suspect that I'm depressed.#I bring up no red flags on any clinical screenings I've taken at the doctor.#I'm just chronically sick and something flaring up and that + my ADHD means#Little motivation + doing things hurts or is tiring#which could cause depression. But it isn't Ive been depressed before & I know depression and it isn't that. Promise.#and I'm explaining that cuz I've gotten more comments about it lately and I want to be clear about it#bc I don't want anyone worrying about that#Maybe pray over the sickness that's actually there lol)
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333#sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy#both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol#and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol#am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig#but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee#but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her#and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend#but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt#*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should#and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson#and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3#now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today#and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests#im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up#in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair#i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant#and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice#anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7#like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her#and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is#oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty#when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot#because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'
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my current brainworm is Charlie's Inferno how bout yall
#talkin abt songs lol#i dont mean ur fav or the one u have on repeat rn#i mean the one that keeps plaguing your mind whether you love or hate it#ive had charlies inferno on the mind for like 3 days but have been listening to we want out on repeat for weeks ajsbdbdjjfbdb#feed me your brain worms i wanna know whats making you go insane rn#grrr#at least i love charlies inferno so its not too bad LMAO
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omg i get a little stressed and to cope i end up playing esthetician until 130 am and go to bed feeling worse than before. and like id pluck every leg hair out but haven’t brushed my teeth yet. and after that my skin gets soo bad and im like whattttt why is this uappening.
#text#the past couple of months have been crayzeeeeeee but now things are cslm. but im still 🫨🫨🫨 mentally bc im not in a good routine or anything#it always starts bc im like ‘i need to take better care of myself’ and then ends badly. lol#tiktok ‘everything shower’ joke kinda made me get back into the strange habit of doing the absolute bare minimum + doing everything in one#night and feeling worse. instead of like having a more consistent routine#rly i need to start working out again. it helps me regulate things bc i like to plan ahead lol#im on anxiety meds now so im gonna TRYYYYYY to help myself by getting in a better routine#AND BY THAT. i mean SLOWLY bc ive gone through this cycle before and and starting things all on the same day is a variant of this.#and i gotta get off my phone. my neck fucking hurts from sitting weird and scrolling too long#tiny bit cringy to admit but i want to find a stim toy that i could do the same scroll motion on. if that makes sense#like a smooth peice of metal or something. maybe i’ll buy a little keychain and see if that could replace the motion while im chillin doing#something else#SORRY if anyone does read this usually i reread my posts to make sure im coherent before posting but its 140 something am and im high again#ALSO 2024 resolution im done being high on most week nights. i need to calm down w it#ok last thing bc this is funny#phoebe bridgers song came on while i was driving home and the one lyric was like im not afraid of going back to school…….#and it hit me in that exact moment bc I AMMMMMM AFRAID TO go back to school but im not‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ it’s fine‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i am not gonna#ok goodnight. i brushed my teeth#sabotage this.
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"if i finish this i will watch a horror movie" thing kinda backfired it's 9pm lmao
#will i still do it. yes. probably.#it would probably be more fun in the night too so yeah#but god fucking damn it can i please just finish this thing#i cant even be properly mad at myself because ive been Actually Working in these last days lol#at last!!!#it feels like i can actually finish the whole thing next week :')#i started this at the beginning of September goddddddddd 😭😭#if i took it more seriously from the start it would've been done by now lol#but i guess at least im making progress#i am kinda getting nervous thinking abt deadlines and actually applying even tho i still have like a month for one school#and 2+ months for others lol#there's one in italy that's earlier than that but not sure if i wanna go for that one tbh so........ idk#but since it's wayy cheaper and i dont have many cheap options and i fear the same thing (aka not being able to go bc#of money) will happen again this year lol#so yeah just. not sure in general.#if i think too much about any of this i start to question everything anyway lmao so i shouldnt <3#i gotta visit my old uni to talk abt some letters too which i Know for a fact they would write#but it's so nerve wracking to think about butttt i gotta do it this week/early next week so.....#(this week means actually the next week in this case i guess lmao since it's friday rn)#bc they said 2 weeks notice sooooo im guessing that would be okay but u knowwwwwww ugh#okay. my goal is to just do this thing today#then finish the whole project tomorrow#then do the other readjustments for the other projects in a few days hopefully#then go to school#yeah. doable. perfectly doable#i gotta arrange the (redacted) and (redacted) meetings too lol buttttt yeah#🗒#wow i didnt intend to write this much tbh anyway
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#me for forever: i probably have ocd. that would make a lot of sense. psychologist: u seem to meet the diagnostic criteria for ocd. me: >:-O#so yeah. i officially have ocd. shocking. i know. its only exactly as i suspected#i did not expect to get so much investigation into bipolar tho. checked a lot of boxes on a bipolar checklist sheet#and like yeah this issue probably goes back to hs but like its not that obstructive. i mean. it is but like. its not that bad#and yes. the fact that i had a fucked up reaction to Lexapro may support that diagnosis. but like i dont really remember what happened that#well. it could just b how ocd and anxiety along with whatever spectrum problems i have manifest. it could just b pmdd#i do have recorded spells of high energy outside the expected phases of my cycle. but like ya kno#it would just truely truely shock me if i was bipolar#but what i described was apparently fucked up enough that my counselor was like hm have u looked at a physical medical issue?#and im like. ive not been to a doctor in 6 years. so i have a doctors appointment next week lol#yeah. so interesting so far. this does mean exposure therapy which im gonna hate but i mean#its the thing that works with ocd and i wanna get better so lets fucking go i guess#unrelated
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