Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone

im mostly just seeking advice and to spill all my thoughts somewhere if thats okay.

okay so, ive had this friend for a while (2 years) and our friendship has been a bit rocky i guess. they're very rude but excuse it with "oh no its okay im just joking its a lighthearted rude" but it still ends up hurting my feelings and they know this. most of our issues come from them saying something really rude and me getting upset about it and then the friend going "its just a joke" (semi relevant- im autistic, they know this, they know i actively struggle with tone and conveying words). anytime i try to bring up a problem, they get defensive and it kinda goes "hey, you did this and it upset me and id like you to apologize" and they respond "ok yeah but you literally didnt tell me you were upset before so its not my fault" (even tho its pretty clear i was uncomfortable) and just blaming me and ugh. im very tired of it because this has happened enough times to where i can basically guess correctly on all the excuses and blaming they put in anytime i bring up anything. other friends of mine have told me that i should just drop them as a friend, but i still care about them. this really irritates me but theyre also a close friend. im mostly struggling with the thought of "is this something worth trying to fix ? or should i just step away for a while" theyve been aware of their problems mostly since like the day i met them and its just frustrating they havent changed but i dont think theyre an awful person. sorry for rambling, i just needed to get all of this out lol i hope this made sense. i hope anyone who sees this has a good day :) -fawn

Hi Fawn,

I'm sorry to hear your friend isn't treating you well!! You deserve to surround yourself with people who lift you up and treat you well.

I understand the hesitancy of cutting off a close friend. But most people you meet aren't meant to be in your life forever. I'm a firm believer everyone you meet is there to teach you something. In this case, I think this friend is teaching you that you don't like to be treated in a "I'm being mean but it's a joooooke" kind of way. And that's fine!! I also hate when people act like that!!

I'm glad to see you're able to speak up for yourself, that's a wonderful skill to have. Unfortunately, your friend does not wish to change to ensure you're feeling safe and comfortable.

When you tell them something upsets you, and they counter with "well you didn't tell me", you can just say "I'm telling you now. Please stop, I don't appreciate the way you talk about me and I'm telling you to stop it." If they don't listen, please please PLEASE reconsider them as a friend!!! 2 years is not that long to be friends, you've spent time and energy trying to be their friend when all they do is act badly and not listen to you.

If you don't want it to be dramatic, just slowly cut them off. Stop answering their messages quickly (or at all), leave them on read, don't make plans, don't engage with them basically. If they ask why, just tell them you're busy. Or you can say it's because of their continued actions towards you.

Whatever you decide, please remember you don't deserve to be spoken to rudely or condescendingly.

Hopefully this helps!!

Mod Soul