#its hard to not be alone when ur just. mostly sad. sadness is difficult to be around for anyone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misterbitches · 3 years

Text

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

2 notes · View notes

avenger-hawk · 4 years

Note

ur probably sick of me, but reading your replies comfort me, its different from my mental health docs but still pretty cool. It's going to get worse for me, my grandfather is losing his mind and his alzheimer went from bad to worse since my grandmother's death. my house feels so stressed and empty without her because she was the life of the house. my grandad already gets confused with his meds n forgets me sometimes already. the grandad that taught me maths n stocks market (1)

he's almost a shell of what he was. This is inevitable, even when i tell myself that my grandparents lived a good life, but still scares me shitless. This is a bit off topic, but you know how you're in so much pain, you think it can't get any worse than that? And that after this you'll be done? Reality always says slaps me back and says: no, it wont, and u still have long long way to go. Picking out the good and clinging on to it did not get easier with age, but just becomes more difficult (2)

even with all the therapy and meds. So it makes me really sad that its difficult for you too, for so many of us, whether it was accumulative or just this year. Sending you strength n a seal plush^^ also to all the scrollers too. May we all still find some comfort in fiction, art and our naruto characters. (3)

************************************************

I’m sorry you’re living this sad and stressful situation, and I’m sorry about your grandfather. Alzheimer is horrible and stressful situations make it worse for the ill person and for the family, because they forget but you all remember and have to deal with them.

My dad, who is much older than my mother (hello age gap haters, it exists in real life you kno), has alzheimer or dementia or whatever it is. He got worse during lockdown because routine is important for people with mental illnesses. Meds are not working and he’s making our house a hell. Sometimes I’d like to slap him, others I’d like to cry because he's like you said, a shell of who he used to be. He kind of forgot about me and my sister, he mostly remembers relatives from his hometown which is kind of offensive since we should be more important. He’s selfish, when we don’t take him outside or for whatever he wants he whines and bitches like a kid, and he has strangely very specific insults against me when he has negative moments and I wonder if this is what he always thought when he understood things.

So I know how it feels and I know it’s beyond sad to not be recognized by your grandfather and I know that the whole family is negatively affected when they have a person like this in the house, not to mention that you’re still mourning your grandmother and if she was the heart of the house her lack now makes everything cold and empty for all of you.

I’d like to tell you that it gets better but it doesn’t.

Life can only get worse, because there will be relationships that will end badly and betrayals, but mostly because of death. Our grandparents die, then our parents will die, even our pets will die. I am always thinking about the moment this will happen tbh, cause living with an ill person makes you think about death a lot. I get anxious thinking that my mother will die eventually, I kinda miss her already, because she’s not as young and energic as she was when I was a child.

I’m sorry to not be comforting, I can’t lol, I can’t even comfort myself. I can just be sincere and tell you that life gets harder and harder, but you adapt to it because you have to, but inside you will suffer all the time. Ofc there are ppl who are luckier, cause those who have a lot of money can have better treatments, or they can distract themselves from depression with cool trips around the world or buying cool stuff. Or those who have many friends around and feel their warmth in hard times. There are ppl who have it worse, I tell myself, not because I want to belittle my or your situation but because I think it’s important to remember that so many other people are struggling in their lives. It kinda makes you feel less alone maybe.

It helps to focus on little things that make you happy. On the beauty that you see around you, on fictional characters too or activities you like. It doesn’t always work but sometimes it does.

Stay strong Anon, you are stronger than you think~

#lol I imagine my dog would like a plush seal so much #but he'd destroy it and take all the stuff inside out #replies &co #Anonymous

3 notes · View notes

peantbuttr · 4 years

Text

meet ASTRID NILSSEN, the twenty three year old waitress who moved to dayton three months ago. she’s known as playful & selfish in equal parts. astrid uses she/her pronouns & identifies as bisexual.

hello all !! i’m tea, and i’m in the discord chat if y’all wanna plot or talk !! astrid and i are excited to be here !! sorry this got a lil long. hopefully it’s okay kjgsfgs

i do have severe rape trigger, so while we’re all adults here, please warn me before mentioning and/or refrain from going into detail about plots involving these things so i can manage my shit, you know? you do you, but i also do me, and i just don’t have enough booze to field a panic attack today fgkdfgsg

otherwise pls hit me up and plot. i’m a shy person but if you want plots, i’ll bust my booty to get em for you : ‘)

* / intro. 💋

name: astrid nilssen

nicknames: n/a, but if someone gave her one she’d fucking melt

age, bday: 23, june 7th

zodiac: gemini

sexuality: bisexual, no preference

gender: female, using she/her pronouns

character traits: flighty, playful, aggressive, intelligent, creative, ambitious, spoiled, selfish

alignment: chaotic neutral, esfp, slytherin

* / past. 💋

tw verbal abuse, age gap, abortion

born in europe from a loveless marriage between a well-bred british socialite and the young heir of an american corporate dynasty, astrid spent most of her life jumping between boarding schools and holidays foisted off on either set of grandparents

all this served to do was isolate her more: she couldn’t fit in with european girls, and she wasn’t familiar enough with america to fit in there either. the isolation grew.

her grandparents didn’t love her any more than her parents did – old money with old values, they ridiculed her for being not skinny enough, too skinny, not pretty enough, too girlish, too stupid, too smart – nothing she did was enough… nothing she did would ever be enough

their constant demanding and belittling left astrid bitter, tired and constantly trying to do better, so much so that it was exhausting, and she felt like she was tiptoeing over glass

she hardly ever saw her parents, let alone saw them within the same room as one another – and quickly she learned that the easiest way to get positive attention was to demand it. she grew from acting out in class to shoplifting to getting high during the school days

each time she got a final warning from yet another school, her parents would show up, lavish her in gifts to bribe her into obeisance, and for once astrid would feel loved

it escalated and escalated, however, as astrid started pushing further and further in order to earn what she craved, the attention & validation from her family that drove her to just about every extreme she could think of

so it’s no wonder that astrid, a narcissistic little daredevil, fell in love with the first person that showed her the attention she craved. within six months she was devoted to her partner: a much older, and much more controlling person than she’d ever imagined herself with.

it lost its shine, however, when astrid found out she was pregnant just after turning twenty two. she panicked. she knew somewhere in her that she could not trust her partner to take care of her, and she knew that she could not be, and desperately didn’t want to be, a mother.

so she got an abortion. to hide it from her controlling parents, she bought herself expensive trinkets and sold them at pawn shops, and afterwards, nothing felt the same.

it opened her eyes -- and, after withdrawing several thousand dollars from her trust fund, she disappeared and left home to find a future in dayton.

* / present. 💋

of course her parents keep tabs on her: she sees familiar faces lurking outside her apartment almost daily. still, no one has harassed her yet, and at the moment that’s all she can hope for.

although starting fresh and without a constant family fortune to guide her, so far she’s found working to be mostly agreeable. she waits tables at a little dive club in dayton, using her girlish charm to wiggle tips out of even the most tight-fingered bastard

she’s still selfish and wild, difficult to control, and interested in little else but her next thrill. hell only accentuated her headstrong unruliness, and this is sure to be a problem for her.

muleheaded and relentless, when she gets her teeth in something and decides she likes it, it’s almost impossible to get her to let go.

still, one can earn a semblance of comfort and friendship with her, as much as any narcissist can offer; she’s endlessly loyal to those who earn it, and although her capacity for true effortless kindness has never been nurtured, she makes a needy, protective and attentive friend

* / specific wanted plots. 💋

an old and familiar friend — she leads an isolating life, though somehow has found a relic of her tumultuous past. this person knew her as a spoiled little rich girl, and knows her now adjusting to hard work and the realities of life as an average person - open to any gender

a mentor — rarely does astrid trust anyone with asking for advice and help in her life. still, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and has been raised in a guilded cage: she has to open up to someone and ask what the fuck she’s supposed to do with her taxes. this person is the most trusted friend and ally she has, and the only person who has so far been allowed to see that she really is still just a scared little girl in need of attention - open to any gender, though preferably a little older / more experienced in life than she is

* / plot ideas. 💋

sexual

i’m open to literally anything .... the standard fwb, hookups & one night stands

ppl who want a tiny, angry girl to boss them around idk

u need a wlw eightball? astrid is here to help

u need a third to spice things up with ur girl? astrid is here to help

someone she’s uhhh trading favors with cause she’s got Ambition and one of them is a lot of money of her own

romantic

hedonism is her jam so there’s only a few of these i’m putting down

although yooo imagine the drama if someone objectively better than her did catch her eye.... nice

unrequited crush — someone astrid caught feelings for and knows they don’t feel the same. she’s trying to work through it, but this person gives her butterflies, she can’t help it. highly undignified for her. wtf is this feeling, get it away from her - /lays down reverse card — someone who wants some angst in the form of unrequited feelings for a tiny brat. unwise, but it happens

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored — a friend to whom astrid played side-chick while they figured out shit with their girl... then made the mistake of getting attached. it’s going to end terribly, she knows, but why not enjoy it while it lasts?

platonic

other people who work in the service industry like a co-workers / boss (still deciding where she works, so if ur muse needs an employee hmu ok), people she’s met at a bar, people she’s known for years somehow, etc.

yin to yang ; someone who is calm and shy, matching astrid’s small, fight-me, wild child energy and balancing her out. astrid’s not sure what she should do with them, but also can’t stop bothering them

heart-to-heart friend ; someone who sees through all of astrid bullshit, aggression and drama and sees that even through the dramatic haze of brattiness and selfishness , she’s genuinely fuckin... sad underneath it all. they don’t take her shit and coax honesty out of her

ex roommate ; someone whose couch she crashed on when she first arrived, before she got herself her own place. she probably didn’t really ask before deciding she was staying with them and tbh prob was annoying as hell. so it could be a fun connection

negative ; someone who hates her and has tried to fuck her shit up, someone she’s had a falling out with, someone she was Too Mean To, someone she plays mean pranks on, someone who annoys the shit out of her, oo even an ex could exist.... idk fuck me up fam

#reallife.intro #— * / 𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖉 ♡ ﹙development﹚#— * / 𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖉 ♡ ﹙character﹚#IS THIS GOOD ILL NEVER KNOW

1 note · View note

somniatcr · 5 years

Text

chasiinglegnds asked: hello, yes, can u answer all of the love headcanons for all of ur hq muses because i have no mercy.

still accepting !!

akaashi keiji,

😍 , how does he act different when he starts to like someone?

for the most part, keiji isn’t really the sort to act noticeably different when feelings develop, albeit however strong said feelings happen to be. he’s an inherently difficult person to read by nature and this isn’t something that changes simply due to feelings and feelings alone. in fact, if anything, he’d likely attempt to push his emotions down further still, outwardly reacting even less than normal in an attempt to reign them in, to keep them in check; to prevent them from being noticed, sniffed out by friends and teammates alike.

granted, this would ultimately change if he discovered that his feelings were requited, in which case cue the subtle, yet purposeful, gestures of affection--- brushing his hands or fingers against the other’s, brushing hair out of their face, sitting just a bit closer than is otherwise necessary ( knees brushing, feet touching ), and so on and so forth.

💞 , how would he ask someone out on a date?

honestly? he’d probably just ask outright. keiji’s a pretty straight-forward guy, so if he wanted to ask someone out ( and knew that the answer was likely to be yes--- because he’d never ask if he didn’t think the chance of success was high ), he would just... go for it. the only potential concern here being that sometimes he’s a bit too to the point and that, coupled with his naturally impassive features, may lead certain people to misunderstand his intentions ( for example, thinking that he simply means as friends as opposed to as a couple ).

💗 , when would he realize he’s fallen in love?

when the thoughts of them begin to become all encompassing, the realization that they’re always on his mind abruptly becoming too aware. keiji’s quite good at shoving unwanted thoughts and / or emotions into the back of his mind, generally to deal with later ( when he’s alone ). so, to have someone suddenly infiltrating his mind so frequently and with such a ferocity that he’s found himself incapable of stopping it, of, at the very least, shoving them away for another time. that’s a big red flag!

🌹 , what are some weird / interesting things he does upon developing a crush?

you mean aside from doing his best to pretend that he hasn’t? to be honest, nothing in particular. at least nothing weird or especially interesting. he would probably feel himself instinctively fretting over them more ( something he would, again, fight to keep in check when possible ). he’d also probably wring his hands or fingers ( a nervous habit of his ) around them more than he would normally.

🥀 , what would he do if he fell in love with someone out of reach / who didn’t love him back?

simply do his best to get over it. if he knew that his feelings were unrequited or that his chances weren’t good, he’d never let anyone know to begin with. it would simply be his problem and he’d deal with it the best that he could, which would entail a lot of him attempting to crush the feelings and keep busy, to keep his mind off of them as much as possible until he inevitably, hopefully, gets over it.

🍫 , how does he deal with being lovesick?

he doesn’t. it’s as simple as that. he just doesn’t deal. it’s like that meme--- you don’t have to deal with the feelings if you pretend the feelings aren’t there.

🎀 , how does he make himself look attractive for his s / o?

he’s already so attractive already, he doesn’t have to do anything. i kid, i kid ( even if it is the truth ). he’d probably put a bit of extra effort into his clothing choices ( when not simply in uniform ) and add just a hint of cologne, something warm and cozy, like him.

💍 , what does he like about being in love?

he likes how happy that seeing the other person happy makes him. he likes the idea of being loved in return. he also really likes the way that physical affection, intimacy, with the other person makes him feel; all comfortable and cozy and warm.

💔 , what does he dislike about being in love?

he dislikes the lack of control ( he hates feeling as though he has no control and emotions are bad for that ) and the fear of rejection more so than anything else.

yaku morisuke,

😍 , how does he act different when he starts to like someone?

like keiji, yaku does his absolute best to shove the feelings down and pretend otherwise. the problem, however, is that he lacks the ability to maintain that hard indifference that keiji does. yaku is, unfortunately for him, not the best at keeping his emotions in check. he may be exceptionally stubborn, absolutely resolute in his intentions of not talking about things, not admitting to things, pretending that he doesn’t think or feel things that he does, but you’ll always be able to read it on his face or in his body language, especially once you know him well enough.

he would definitely fluster more easily, go awash with pink ( across his nose and to the tips of his ears specifically ), find himself going rigid, muscles taut, whenever they happen to touch or brush against him. he would also find it more difficult to properly face them, to look them in the eye, because he knows where his weaknesses lie.

💞 , how would he ask someone out on a date?

he would absolutely never. even if he thought maybe he had a chance. he still wouldn’t go for it. they almost definitely would have to ask him.

the only exception to this is if they were already dating. in which case, like keiji, he’d simply ask. albeit while being a touch flustered while doing so ( he’s so bad at being vulnerable with people that it makes me want to absolutely strangle him ).

💗 , when would he realize he’s fallen in love?

when he notices the subtle changes in his already difficult to control physical responses ( you know, when he’s around his object of interest ). when he’s no longer simply finding himself getting flustered or flushed with pink, but now his palms are also beginning to sweat, his chest goes tight, he finds it just a little harder to breath--- he finds his gaze constantly being drawn to them, regardless of what they’re doing. that’s when he really starts to get nervous because once his body’s upped its game, things have gotten even more serious than he’s expected ( and now it’s really too late to stop it! ).

🌹 , what are some weird / interesting things he does upon developing a crush?

god, the absolute worst thing that he does, or at least that he tries to do, is leave. his fight or flight instincts kick in so hard and he just--- tries to escape whenever possible so that he doesn’t have to deal with it. something i’m sure the other party, if observant enough, would definitely begin to notice.

🥀 , what would he do if he fell in love with someone out of reach / who didn’t love him back?

his mind would probably be a wreck. not so much due to his being sad or feeling as though he’s been rejected ( as, like keiji, he likely never confessed to begin with ), but rather just due to stress. he would probably get himself all worked up because he doesn’t want to ruin his friendships ( if his feelings were for a friend, that is ), he doesn’t want to seem weak or vulnerable, and he hates how badly it affects him which, in turn, would begin to effect his performance in other areas for a while ( his schoolwork and performance on the court would suffer for a bit, at least until he managed to get his shit together again ). eventually, though, after his little breakdown, he’d do his best to shake it off and keep busy, to move on.

🍫 , how does he deal with being lovesick?

as mentioned above, he mostly tries to avoid the person that he’s interested in so he isn’t actually seen being lovesick. aside from that, he mostly just stresses himself out about it.

🎀 , how does he make himself look attractive for his s / o?

he mostly tries not to embarrass himself, which ironically seems to become increasingly harder not to due to his frequently being more easily flustered. otherwise, he fusses over his appearance a bit more ( spends a little more time trying to make his hair look decent in the mornings, spends a little more time picking out his clothes when not in uniform, etc ).

💍 , what does he like about being in love?

he likes how lost he finds himself getting in the little details of the other person that he’d never quite noticed before. he likes the idea of having his feelings reciprocated, of having someone fall in love with him. and, although scary, he does kind of like the warmth that it leaves washing over him; it’s nice.

💔 , what does he dislike about being in love?

he dislikes how easily the other person begins to affect him ( it leaves him feeling embarrassed which he hates ). like keiji, he’s not a huge fan of feeling as though he’s out of control of the situation. and, of course, the fear of rejection.

hanamaki takahiro,

😍 , how does he act different when he starts to like someone?

this feels like an unfair question--- makki practically develops a new crush every day of his life. he’s one of those people who develops tiny crushes on people all the time. but for the sake of answering the question, let’s just say that he’s moved passed the initial crush phase and into like-liking someone.

in this case, of the four of them, makki’s the most likely to actually flirt. not in any sort of in your face, obnoxious sort of way and not with frequent cheesy pick up lines or anything of that nature, just... basic flirting and flattery. he’s also the most likely to purposefully initiate physical contact ( and not just the subtle hand or leg brushing that keiji pursues ), but casual arm, and back, and shoulder touches; his arm thrown about their shoulder, hands on the knees, and all those sorts of touches. he’s easily the most forward about his feelings.

💞 , how would he ask someone out on a date?

makki’s the sort to be sort of playful about it, even to perhaps use a hint of humor ( which happens to be his biggest defense mechanism, for the record ), perhaps suggesting a challenge ( and if i win, you’ll let me take you out, right? ) or jokingly asking when they’re going to go out with him already ( i’ve been waiting for ages! ).

💗 , when would he realize he’s fallen in love?

he wouldn’t realize it, not until it’s hit him like an absolute freight train. he isn’t an idiot by any means ( even if, at times, he does act like one ), but he tends to get so wrapped up in his little crushes and infatuations and feelings in general that sometimes he doesn’t fully comprehend the intensity of them until it just sort of... smacks him in the face. metaphorically speaking, of course.

🌹 , what are some weird / interesting things he does upon developing a crush?

he’s the sort of person who’s prone to talking about people more frequently than he normally would otherwise when he’s interested in them. so, definitely expect that.

🥀 , what would he do if he fell in love with someone out of reach / who didn’t love him back?

play it off with humor, probably. that’s sort of his thing. he feels hurt, humor. he’s upset about something, humor. he’s affected by anything ever, humor. he has a penchant for deflecting and goes about attempting to make himself seem extra okay when he’s definitely not.

🍫 , how does he deal with being lovesick?

he just sort of allows himself to get wrapped up in it. he loves the feeling of being in love. the polar opposite of what both keiji and yaku are trying to do.

🎀 , how does he make himself look attractive for his s / o?

he tries to show off a bit more, especially with his sense of humor. he loves making people laugh and would definitely go out of his way to try to make the person that he’s interested in especially happy, to try to make them smile and laugh as much as possible.

💍 , what does he like about being in love?

he loves the way that it makes him feel. he loves seeing the person that he loves happy and laughing and smiling, especially knowing that he’s the one responsible for that. and he loves the idea of being loved back.

💔 , what does he dislike about being in love?

he mostly just dislikes that fear of rejection. he doesn’t handle being hurt particularly well.

hoshiumi kourai,

😍 , how does he act different when he starts to like someone?

kourai is the one who promptly starts making more of an effort to spend time with them, as much as possible ( and hopefully without making it too obvious that he likes them--- if, that is, he even realizes that he does just yet because, fun fact, sometimes it doesn’t immediately register that he has a crush ). he wants to be around that person, to get to know them better ( which probably means asking a lot of questions ).

he would also probably take what they heart just a touch more than he would with everyone else. their words and actions would be felt more deeply, would garner the biggest reaction. he also tries to show off just a little bit more when they’re around, going out of his way to seek their attention because it’s their attention specifically that he wants.

💞 , how would he ask someone out on a date?

honestly, there are two potential, and very different, ways that he might go about this--- all depending on the circumstance, what he’s feeling in that particular moment, and on where his mind happens to be at the time.

he would either ask as casually as possible, almost making it seem as though he’s asking them out as a friend ( all the while hoping that they want it to be a date and that that’s what it ultimately becomes ).

or he just kind of... blurts it out. it’s pretty fifty-fifty.

💗 , when would he realize he’s fallen in love?

like makki, it probably just kind of hits him out of the blue one day. either that or he realizes when someone else brings it up or points it out to him. though, unlike makki, this is less because he becomes so wrapped up in his emotions ( although, that’s definitely true too ) and more so because he just doesn’t think about it. he doesn’t even consider the idea of falling in love until one day he just... is in love. it’s a very ‘ oh, wait a minute! ‘ , light bulb illuminating kind of moment for him.

🌹 , what are some weird / interesting things he does upon developing a crush?

he has a bad habit of staring at the person he’s interested in. which, to be fair, happens, sure, but--- he doesn’t quite take into account the fact that he’s doing it and that it’s rude to stare, especially when you’re as wide-eyed and filled with awe and wonder as he happens to be when doing it. he just really enjoys taking them in, in watching and learning about all the little things that they do, the habits that they have, all their quirks. as i mentioned above, he just wants to learn all that there is to learn because he’s genuinely so curious and interested.

🥀 , what would he do if he fell in love with someone out of reach / who didn’t love him back?

he’d just be heart broken. he would, without a doubt, pout and mope the most out of the four of them and would, likewise, pour his emotions and energy into volleyball more so than the rest. so, initially, lots of sadness and moping ( and him not seeking attention and praise the way that he normally would, generally lacking his usual fiery spirit and zest for life ) before moving onto a brief hyper-fixation on his sport. and then he’d just kind of bounce back and it’d seem like everything was just fine.

🍫 , how does he deal with being lovesick?

he’s a bit more... all over the place, if that makes sense. he’s not used to being lovesick, to feeling those sorts of things, and doesn’t quite know how to react or to process what he’s feeling and, so, becomes a bit more reactive, a bit more emotionally turbulent, a bit more forgetful. things like that.

🎀 , how does he make himself look attractive for his s / o?

like makki he definitely tries to show off more. he wants to look cool and fun and to seem smart and interesting and all the things that he imagines that he should seem, should be, for the person that he likes. he, of course, tones it down if they’re together when they tell him that it’s unnecessary ( because i’m sure that it, and he, is a lot ).

💍 , what does he like about being in love?

he loves how new and exciting that it is, he loves the way that love makes him feel, and this idea and potential reality of having this one special person that’s just his and his alone. he loves making the other person proud, he loves seeing them happy.

💔 , what does he dislike about being in love?

if he were to be rejected, that one be the thing that he dislikes about it the most ( otherwise he wouldn’t even really consider the idea of it, so it wouldn’t be a fear as with the other three ). he is the one most prone to jealousy, though, so he wouldn’t like the way that makes him feel.

#anyway definitely had to put This under a read more #side eyes aliza #☆. ( hc )#☆. ( keiji )#☆. ( morisuke )#☆. ( takahiro )#☆. ( kourai )#chasiinglegnds

3 notes · View notes

okwilliamson · 7 years

Text

21 things I learned while being 21

1. Growing out of friendships happens faster than you think, and people who you thought were the most important in your life at the moment can sometimes really not matter in a years time.

2. During times of turmoil its okay to cry, being seen as tough or someone who doesn't display their emotions isn't always the best thing for yourself.

3. It’s ok to separate yourself from people who are using up al your energy, if someone is asking too much of you, its ok to say no.

4. seasonal depression is very real

5. at this point in life boys have been nothing but trouble for me, its fine to be single even if it stings. theres more pressing matters rn

6. In this past year ive been outgrowing lots of people and things like feeling like i dont belong in old habits anymore

7. smoking weed is not as cool as i thought lmfao at this point in my life i kinda have a bitter attitude about it

8. time keeps going faster

9. keeping a semi tidy room really isnt that hard, ive been trying this year to keep things neat and during high stress times it gets bad but overall ive done ok!

10. for me at least, when youre 21 drinking lost appeal lol i havent been really drunk since like feb

11. speaking of feb, LOL sleeping w boys drunkenly will fuck up ur feelings 10/10 dont recommend

12. trying to streamline a wardrobe to take out wild patterns and colors is really helpful, then its like all your clothes go together and you dont have to think when getting ready

13. a consistent sleep schedule is so lit, you dont feel so gross when you get up

14. theres a strange satisfaction in planning your dream apartment & thinking about cooking for yourself

15. being broke still sucks, but its doable

16. growing out a buzz cut is really awkward lol

17. it feels good to sit in a library all day and work on stuff, but for some reason this semester specifically ive struggled so much with motivation on papers but mostly its just bc i dont like art history

18. last year i worked two jobs and went to school full time and I never had time to think and I believe thats why everything got all fuckin weird this year

19. I had (am having) some kind of identity crisis this year about how i look, and who im friends with, and the art im creating its been hard and really tiring.

20. having a support system to rely on & alone time to reflect is so important

21. I have opinions on art now, and feel like I can think critically. I really feel like this year I’ve learned a lot and formed my own opinions about things and that feels really nice.

In general this past year has been very tough and trying. I have two best friends who are struggling all the time with depression, my own feelings and stuff that I usually stuff down but have been trying to embrace more and more. I’ve like formed opinions on big things in life like whats really important to me right now, and how having a boy string you along can really damage your self worth and self esteem. I think that turning 22 isnt obviously gonna change anything over night, but I think at least I will be having a new year full of possibilities, and full of potential to make myself better and be the best me, and a me that I really like. i’m getting there. I love to psycho analyze myself and sometimes I get trapped in that, and all my friends seem to want me around as a support system and that can become trying and difficult but theres honestly nothing more satisfying than seeing my friends grow and come from a place of darkness into something better and something different. I’m really blessed with the people who are in my life, who want me around, and who value me and my opinions. I hope that while being 22 I can continue to exist in a way thats on the way to happiness, im for sure not happy all the time and im so moody lol, im thankful for all the bullshit that happened to me while I was 21 bc at least now i know i can come out of that and reflect back on it in a way thats not sad or hateful. This has been a long introspective paragraph, I kind wanna start a youtube channel just to talk and put my shit out there for someone to maybe relate to. Anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. I hope when I tyoe this in a year from now I can think back on this post and hopefully update in a good way, but honestly who knows. I just hope 22 doesnt suck.

#personal

1 note · View note

flower-mist · 7 years

Note

Ur gonna hate me but all of the crayon asks. Have fun!!!

*inhales* bOI

(ily)

answers are under the readmore bc l o n g

Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?

crayons, ofc! also 2000s music (esp disney), yearbook photos, capri suns, those ice pop things that come in clear plastic, cedar point, the kid’s fantasy section at barnes and noble, i could keep talking for like 12 years

Spring Green: How do you relax when you’re stressed?

i read! i read so, so much. writing also helps, but it’s hard to make myself do it bc Issues™. i also watch an excessive amnt of john oliver

Asparagus: What’s an unpopular opinion you have?

listen, hot sauce on mac in cheese is so good

Bittersweet: Has someone you loved ever hurt you?

h*ck yeah

Eggplant: Explain your url and avatar.

my url is a flower that means courage! and my avatar is that flower

Outer Space: Do you ever feel like you’re an outcast from others?

H*CK YEAH

Cotton Candy: What is your favorite dessert?

i will eat approximately 50 macarons if no one stops me

Freckle: Do you have any marks on your skin? How do you feel about them?

i have a birthmark and a scar on my back from when i slid down a wall (long story) and freckles! idk i like all of them i guess, as much as i can like my body

Shocking Pink: Is there a trait that you have that others don’t expect from you?

when ppl first meet me they never expect me to swear as much as i do, idk why

Robin’s Egg Blue: If you were an animal, which one do you think would you be?

probably a cat? i took a test once and it told me i was a dik dik but like,, i want to be able to protect people, so a lion or a fox or smth would be chill

Granny Smith Apple: What’s something everyone else likes that you don’t?

WHY DO YOU ALL LIKE PEANUT BUTTER I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Dandelion: What’s a pet peeve of yours?

i rly rly rly don’t like the sound of people eating tho idk whether to file that under “sensory issue” or “pet peeve”

Atomic Tangerine: What gets you motivated to do a difficult task?

a time restriction, someone i care a lot about depending on it, spite

Wisteria: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

im really really good at writing gothic post style things

Candy Apple: How do you think others view you?

l m a o y i k e s

Plum: Are you insecure about anything?

im insecure about everything but one of the places im most insecure is whether or not people like me

Sky Blue: Where do you feel the most at home?

with the people i love most

Tickle Me Pink: How do you try to cheer others up when they’re sad?

being there to listen, sending them cute animals or memes, writing things for them, etc

Wild Strawberry: Do you care what others think about you?

wayyyy too much

Glossy Grape: Recommend something to your followers.

WATCH VOLTRON PLS I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABT IT

World Wide Web Yellow: What was the last thing you looked up?

“john oliver”

Shadow Blue: Do you have a darker side to you that most people are unaware of?

im not really sure what “darker” means but probably?

Electric Lime: What genre of music do you listen to?

literally everything tho im not super into hardcore country

Night Owl: Describe a very interesting dream that you had.

i rarely remember my dreams but one time i was definitely on a quest to save the world and i broke into a building via a roof

that’s all i remember abt it

Cornflower: What do you think about the most?

dogs and how much i love them

Grasshopper Green: Describe the area where you live.

my dad’s house is part of a complex of town homes. all the houses are very white, and there’s neatly trimmed park areas in between. my favorite part of this area is by the highway where the wildflowers grow. they cut down the last of the woods last year

Misty Moss: Is there anything you regret?

yes

Tiny Toad Brown: Do you find beauty in something that people consider to be ugly or undesirable?

snakes are pretty!!!! dont hate on snakes!!!!!!!!! unless you have a genuine fear of them bc thats valid but don’t be petty its not cool!!!!!!!

Sunny Side Up: Do you like waking up in the mornings, or would you rather sleep in?

i love waking up in the morning but i usually mess up my sleep schedule too much to be able to do it

Kitten Gray: Do you have any pets? If so, describe them.

I HAVE TWO CATS THEY ARE LARGE AND FLUFFY AND KIND OF ACT LIKE DOGS AND NOT THAT SMART BUT I LOVE THEM SOMETIMES THEY PURR AT ME AND IM A SUCCESS

Rose Dust: Describe your aesthetic in five words or less.

stardust, honey, rain, old books (hopefully)

Timberwolf: Do you give second chances when somebody has wronged you?

depends on how far they went

Freshly Squeezed: What excites you?

literally everything im interested in bc i get super invested in things and also my friends being excited about something

Firefly Red: What gives you purpose?

the people i love, fear, spite, laughter, ice cream

Tiny Teapot Tan: Do you consider yourself to be attractive/cute?

lmao no

im okay sometimes but like, that’s rare

Rain Drop Blue: Describe the weather outside.

it is currently cloudy as fuck and also cold

Sweet Pea Green: Do you have/want children?

i don’t think im in a place where i can make that decision for myself yet

Pussywillow: Do you like being around others, or do you like being alone?

yes and no? social situations are very draining for me bc anxiety/introversion, but i absolutely love spending time w my close friends

Jack ‘O’ Lantern Orange: What’s your biggest fear and why?

highkey not gonna talk about that on a public forum

Baby Bunny Pink: Do you look young for your age, or do you look older than you are?

one time i went to get the oil changed for my car and the person at the counter asked me if i was 12

Mystic Maroon: What confuses you, and why?

people confuse me bc

people

Cosmic Cobalt: What’s your zodiac sign, and do you think it’s accurate?

pisces! and it’s a very very good fit for me

Petal Pink: Describe your fashion sense as well as what you’re wearing right now.

idk rn it’s mostly sweaters and plaid and converse? but my style differs a lot based on gender stuff so idkkkkkk

Mountain Meadow: Do you like taking care of others, or do you prefer being care of?

yes?

Fuzzy Duckling Yellow: Is there something from childhood that you haven’t outgrown?

literally everything i will never outgrow my childhood

Brussel Sproutlet: Do you have any unhealthy habits?

*gestures to all of me*

Razzle Dazzle Rose: Describe an ideal date.

yikes this is hard bc like

okay this is going to sound rly rly stupid but im good with almost anything just so long as im spending time with the person?

i guess doing anything that makes them comfortable/happy

that was such a non-answer, ill come up with a real one at some pt

Periwinkle: What’s something ordinary that has personal meaning to you?

my necklace is gr8

Mauvelous: Do you think you deserve a better life than you have now?

probably not

Blueberry Blue: Do you get sad easily?

h*ck yeah

Purple Mountains Majesty: How does someone earn your respect?

by treating others with respect and kindness

holy shit that was so many but thank u!!!

jonathon took all of these so here are more questions if you want to ask some

#so many #thank #weareallthesameintheend #cas answers

2 notes · View notes

onwarddonkay-blog · 4 years

Text

im 20. just turned 20. the past couple years forced me to learn concepts that will forever benefit me no matter how difficult it was or how much i thought i wouldn't make it through. don't get me wrong I'm sad as fuck. but I'm in love with life but that makes a world of a difference. I'm talking to a girl right now, she's my ex actually. we dated for about a year. (friends for a year prior) we were broken up for about a year and somehow we ended up giving this whole thing another shot. our last relationship was toxic, mostly thanks to me but its a two-way street even if my side was a six lane highway and hers was a dirt road. we aren't official, she dated someone right after we broke up and has acknowledged it wasn't the right thing to do and after dating someone who didn't treat her the way she deserved (me) another girl threw herself at my ex at a vulnerable time. i get it. i do. they weren't compatible on that level and she's also acknowledged that the feeling of loyalty and having someone who put in the effort i never cared to was something she was scared she wouldn't find again.

with that being said-when we did start talking in a romantic way less than a month after they broke up we made it a point to take things very very slowly (besides the sex-i mean that egg was already cracked). as i started to get to know her i kept asking myself ‘how bad did ur last girl mess u up’ she seemed so dependent and insecure. it took me a while but it finally dawned on me... i did that. i made someone feel worse about themselves when inside my heart i loved the shit out of her but was horrible at expressing those emotions. long before beginning our new journey together i promised myself that i would treat the next person (people) who came into my life, like they were the last human on earth, as if they were jennifer lawrence during my middle school hunger games phase (okay not really) so a girl did come into my life-it was short lived, she found someone else and although i was half heartbroken I'm happy she found true love, everything happens for a reason right? well my ex wandered back and i am treating her no less than the promise i made to myself and maybe a little extra. but this time it isn't the same. i don't want to say i broke her- because i don't know to extent of her last relationship and even if i did-i wasn't there- i probably would have interpreted things differently. she isn't as happy or confident, like the junior i dated in high school she once was. but back then she was majorly popular, had a best friend, and wasn't stressed about college. a lot changed in the duration of our breakup. she now claims she doesn't have friends (she does but even i can admit its nothing like before) she lost her best friend who more so resembled a sister. she doesn't party anymore which used to be her thing. she's also extremely stressed about college and the direction she'll be taking her life in. its a lot for anyone especially her. she's sensitive and delicate, but like the tulips i gave her today (ok tulips are a more durable flower she is more of a chrysanthemum).

well we aren't toxic like before, communication is at the forefront of whateverthisis, I'm doing my best to be patient, because everyone who knows me well knows that patience is not my strongest attribute. i don't know whats going to happen. i just want to be happy. i want her to be happy. this post wasn't supposed to be about her honestly, she's just on my brain. we just got caught fucking in a gym parking lot by security and i feel real weird about it. never been caught before. she felt as if this was her fault because she asked for it. i tried reassuring her that we didn't get a fucking ticket!!! how in the world do i explain that to my parents, or her to hers, which aren't exactly too keen on the whole gay thing. annnnyyywaayyyy somehow she asked me through text , “could you see yourself marrying me”, i said I've thought about it multiple times, i guess she wanted a sweeter more heartfelt answer but we aren't even girlfriends man, i could’ve asked her “could you see yourself making me your girlfriend” baby steps man. well she responded with “okay”. I know that whoever is reading this doesnt know her (and if you do please stop this is a safe space tumblr) but “okay” is NOT GOOD.

idk man we aren't official I'm just trying to have fun, go on adventures, get to know her better, build a trust and share some kisses along the way. i know she's sad in general but I've seen her get a little better over the 3 month period this has been going on.but i don't want her to feel dependent on me. thats what i wanted last time. it was a sense of control and such an ego booster(a lil bit is good but my head weighed more than my entire body i swear). not good. i was an angry and sad person. I'm still sad but the anger thing I'm so happy I've reversed quite a substantial amount. i want her to be happy on her own. i don't want her to feel like she needs me or anyone else for that matter. i love her and its difficult going a day without seeing her (which only happened when i went on vacation). I'm struggling to find the balance. i want to tell her she's beautiful every two seconds, but i can't let those be the words she needs to feeeeelll beautiful. i want to FaceTime her all day to make it feel as if she's always nearly side. (like today we just watched ‘love is blind’ through factime for hours). but i want her to feel comfortable being alone. I'm scared to love her too much but scared if i give her the room to self engage more, she will think I'm loosing interest. its hard. but as i said everything happens for a reason. but if she found her dream person it would obviously hurt but its better than her not living up to her full potential with me.

i dont know whats gonna happen, but who fucking does.

0 notes

mynameisnotkarl-blog1 · 5 years

Text

1/2

I see people are coming to me about assumptions lately

Things im hearing seeing would make you think these dudes hate me

its 50/50 so i guess they can split that evenly

Going outside is feeling more like a chore now

thoughts im having would make you think i gone senile

i been so self aware that its hard to be me now

so selfish i don’t even pretend to be me now

THIS SHIT CORNY 🌽🤣😂🤣😈

but this what the pression sounds like on a good day

and i know this shit can get worse like anyday

i know im selfish i didn’t even show up

Im feeling whoozy i think im bout to throw up

running from my problems like dont ask me

i don’t believe that l#%$ is real if you ask me

feelings going in remission

i missed it with it precision

i just couldn’t risk it

(Ive been in that void)(pitched down)

Ive been out that void

and i still cant tell difference

like who making these decisions

I got some good news

you can’t fit these shoes

i got some bad news

i can’t get over ...

it’s been a few years

ok maybe a couple fews

i mean couples views

i wish weren’t different

and the thought of it yeah it really hits

i hit the doc for a script

you don’t know it but you are god-sent

maybe that was a little extra

why do i be so extra

and then i thought about it but i really didn’t think about it lol

Aint nobody going to judge me harder than i do me

last years of high school got me feeling like a zombie

last years of colle got me feeling like i want to harm me

yeah i know i don’t fit in

but this trigger just clicking

“well did you check the safety”

oh yeah that’s my conscious

i say we get along

he barely do me wrong

when i step like iverson

broad day victim going missing the public

don’t go outside cause a niggas mind is sick

oh you getting closer yeah i think i got to dip

oh im getting so sober yeah think it’s time to sip

and when the reason is no reason at all

When i see heaven i just want to ...

But its bugged when you on the other side

or in between

thinking back on it yeah i wasted my teens

opana had my lov i should of got therapy

i had these tears all froze in my face

i had these feelings all put away

this shit lame and wack

you need to grow up👿👺

Maybe you can turn this shit all around

you didn’t mind being the clown

Thinking their laughter is more important than the pain that you’re feeling now

Goal #1 look in the mirror more

#2 try more

yeah wish it was that simple

but simple how im feeling lately

looking in the mirror thinking why that guy hates me

hate i know it can be a strong word

so excuse me for my ignorance

I seem to lack for a better word or world

and it all seems the same

like how every song sounds sad and it’s starting to become lame

imagine putting your all into a track just for anthony to call your shit lame🤣😂🤣 i guess you got to start somewhere

i got so bored i was going to put %£$ name in the google search bar and face my worst nightmares and see if i can handle it or not

ive made myself an object of a pointless concept

no strong purpose

i think it’s funny how their is always someone who will take the news of your death with laughter and it will be a genuine laugh

told my $&@#%£* marriage is a cool concept n all but really dude

btw im the last person you should be taking advice from

compliment

read n tak a hint

ask &@$ if &@$ wants to get use to just touching each other

is this a relationship

can it be this simple

sometimes i realize how sad i am

and how pathetic i look and sound

do people get mad at you when you’re this pathetic

am i pushing it if i say im average

i wonder if my ancestors went through something like this

i feel like the future can be bright but no time is better than it is now

i wonder if $@&#%€ thinks about me

i wonder if i made anyone cry

i used to think about 9/11 daily

but then $&@ came along then

it was $&@ every other second

the adderall help but the isolation did not

i think about how i thrived in my world

but in your world i could not

i once thought about how i could just be being dramatic

like how im concerned if “just be being dramatic” is grammatically correct or incorrect or if i should just know that either way it’s not the first time nor the last (even this is a edit)

first time I seen the &@“$& i was scared to death

the second time i seen the &@“$& i was at peace

ive🔒 a note with all my thoughts and now i dont know my thoughts

you ever get so conscious of your walking you feel like every step you can trip

i want to make a song named “I stay strapped in Prague”

i found my 👇

thoughts

1. they was close now they talk behind my back

2. are they friends or are they just using me

3. most of the whispers are about me

4. why do i want people to like me

5. i see dark objects that are not there

6. the majority of people i meet are against me

7. i know that i exaggerate things but does it stray away from the truth

8. i thought they was close but i got to cut ties now

9. i can absorb the outside world but it is difficult to interact

10. they can see right through me

11. they try to hurt me for a reaction

12. i cry most of the time just because it is good for me

13. they request things of me i don't want to do

14. isolated is when i feel most comfortable

15. i distance myself to protect me and sometimes others

16. i think im selfish even when im not trying to be

17. people think i don't like them but i don't have the energy for them

18. sometimes i avoid looking in the mirror

19. eye contact is becoming more and more difficult

20. most of my expressions are manufactured

21. don't care for the future don't got any plans

22. i love my family i love my family

23. i think about disappearing never coming back

24. ideal death will be alone deep in the forest

25. im scared

26. i damaged myself far past the chance of repair

27. distance distance distance

28. dissociation is easy

29. i don't know my family

30. why am i holding on to this anger

31. i might be sick

32. i don't know if i care

33. i think im pathetic for doing drugs

34. its hard to remember my childhood

35. i wonder if eight or ten year old me will like me now

36. accomplishments feel anything but

37. i notice things

38. im done with a lot people even ones i like

39. my thoughts paralyzes me

40. trust is difficult don't trust

41. don't know what my thoughts on what &&&& is yet

42. i don't want to do this how do i get out

43. i need help

44. i don't want help

45. enemies will laugh and joke in your face

46. if i try to enlist in the military they will deny me

47. i cant tell nobody about the problems i got nobody

48. i don't know where im at right now i just hope he is alright

49. j coles kod got me thinking he the goat and i only listen to the intro

50. ?i deleted this one it was too dark?🙄😢🙇🏾🤦🏾‍♂️

51. the album-art cover of the kod is amazing. subliminal

52. kill edward is jcole

53. if this is it im not

54. itiiinimpressed

55. im going to stop thinking about her

56. regret is a persons worst enemy

57. pretty sure i got an anxiety disorder

58. pretty sure i got ptsd

59. i use to skip meals because of my anxiety

60. i don't need nobody to tell me i need help but i know

61. im sick

62. im sick

63. how did i get sick

64. im a little dramatic

65. tpye mistake but i didn't want to backspace

66. thought this line should be a dark one but nah 6ix hundred more to go (ಥ﹏ಥ) that was an accident too but it still works i guess

67. fiona and v that will be a good 3hree

68. believe im capable of love but choose not to

69. i don't want to get high anymore but i am

70. i find myself in that empty place quite often

71. i dismissed all her advances im sorry

72. this is going to be... a long one

73. im not good with eye contact for a lot of reasons but i seen something in someone's eyes thinking how is s•• alone? is s•• alone? and things were never the same it changed everything it happened too fast but feelings weren't mutual and now i feel numb most of the time

74. i suck at rapping and producing but it feels like i can change that so easily but im lazy and scared mostly scared lol

75. i hate that shit "lol" but i still do it smh devon no lol

76. sorry its just most of the time ur not

77. im too busy trying to love myself

78. oh im sorry if it looks like im trying too hard but i am

79. i would do anything to push people alway but very little to keep them

80. everyone is against me i got few if not any

81. i need to get swollen i already told some people i was planning on too

82. i only laugh with my friends i think

83. hope this car ain't no scam hope is empty but it feels good

84. i just want it to feel good

85. i think ye might have lost it

86. i have problems sleeping

87. i slipped in that dark place again and i don't want to be there

88. behind my back

89. thunder without lightning how frightening

90. it's either i care too much or for not

91. i really don't want to disagree

92. Cringe

93. how do u make demons out of angels

94. if i hit the lottery with millions i promise myself to show someone this list

95. who are you?

96. i don't want to think about it when i think about it

97. you don't want to know the places i go

98. had to correct that👆👍

99. just sitting here chilling with my shoes on unlaced

100. i think im sick... in the head

101. i think about the most darkest things

102. i don't think im going to sleep for a long time

103. now i know why people go to far with things

104. but when you do it right the outcome is amazing

105. i can understand someone else's choice better than i can explain min

#happy #sad #thoughts

0 notes